Michelle's Family

I'm continuing to prepare for school Monday, my main task being that I become familar with Josh's new reading curriculum, Spell to Write and Read.

I've updated the Homeschooling page, which some of you non-homeschool people might enjoy if you like audio books.  The other person that I told you about has now begun charging for the use of her audio book website, so I decided to just post some of the books on my own page that I would like to listen to or that I want my children to listen to.  I should point out that these books are completely free to post or use.  Her books and mine (or at least the books that I listened to from her website), come from a FREE audio book website called LibriVox.  It has many classics on audio, for you listening enjoyment. 

I've added a new page to my website that's for my convenience only.  It's a list of gluten-free websites that have recipes and information about being GF (gluten-free) or GFCF (gluten-free, casein-free), and also Celiac's disease.  I'm debating on whether I should start a GF diet yet, because if I do, it will impede the diagnosis from being presented at the doctor's office and I read that if you've been diagnosed with Celiac's, they can prescribe you certain foods.

I think I'm going to delete all of my pictures because I've used all my picture space on this website and I can't post pictures in my blog now. 

I really just need to make the transition to blogspot.  Maybe soon.

Last blog, I told how Josh had told his sister that a picture she'd drawn was not her mama...that her mama was someplace else.  Ronnie thinks that Josh thought it was me...and was telling her that I was not her mama.

Jessica fully embraces me as her mother.  She is sooo adorable. She's just about the cutest things you've ever seen, lol.  She tells me 20 times a day that she loves me and often follows it up with how glad she is that I'm her "real" mama. 

I don't know if Josh was feeling defensive after our talk the other day or what.  Jessica told her that the picture wasn't her mama at all...it was her, lol.  She didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about.

And to be honest, I'm not sure either.  I took Josh off for some special, "just mommy and me time" yesterday.  We talked about everything under the stars.  I asked him if he had good dreams last night.  We talked about Sponge Bob.  I asked him about his favorite memory of his birth family.  To this, he told me it was when they went to a farm and he was afraid to go down the waterfall, etc.  He said it was Butt's Mill Farm....which is where we went recently and he had a blast.  I KNOW that his birth family never took him there.  I'm not sure if he was confused or if he was fantasizing that his birth family really took him there.  Anyhow, we talked about "banks" because that's where we were going.  Then I tried my "indirect therapy", lol.  I should have been a psychiatrist.  I told him how happy I was that God made us so we could love more than one person because if He made me so I could only love 1 person, than I couldn't love Daddy because the first person I remember loving was my mama....and I couldn't love any of my kids either if I could only love 1 person.  He thought that was funny and said that would be "weird".  We continued to talk about nothing, when I decided to do some more probing and therapy.  I asked him if it bothered him to call me "mama".  (Just a FYI:  I won't allow him to call me otherwise now...he had choices as a foster child, but not as adopted son on this.  I've explained what a "mama" does and what a "son" is and explained that I expected him to call me by my title...it's a southern manners thing too.)  He told me no, it didn't bother him.  I said, "Oh good!  I just wondered if it made you feel like you don't love your other mama if you called me mama."  He said very matter-of-factly, "No...it doesn't bother me because I can love 2 people and I love you and her."  I was so proud of him!  I made sure I bragged on how smart he was to figure that out because some kids have a hard time figuring that one out! He was quite pleased with himself, lol. 

We rounded out our special time together by going through the drive thru and ordering a milk shake for him and a coke and fries for me.  And just like a true brother, the first thing he said to Timothy when we met up with him was, "Haha.  I got to spend special time with just me and mama and she bought me a milkshake and not you one."  LOL.  He's continued with his extra loving self all day.

So did he mean what Ronnie thought he meant at the soccer fields where they were drawing in the dirt together?  I don't know.  But I think that's kind of normal even if he did.  I can't wait for the teen years with him (that was sarcasm in case you missed it).  I'm sure this won't be the last time I hear that statement.  Heck, occassionally my birth kids say stuff pretty much the same, "I wish YOU weren't my mother!"  Life is tough, kids, life is tough. 

My son continues to struggle with the fact that he lives here and with feelings of sadness and grief over his loss of his birth parents.  He told Sarah that he missed his "other" mama the other day.  I usually try to be extra cuddly when he tells one of the other kids this (he never tells me directly) but I've never just out right dealt with it till the other day...well, since the adoption was final I hadn't dealt with it directly anyhow.  Sometimes I would deal with it indirectly but never directly. 

So a couple of days ago, he mentions that he misses his other mom.  This time when I found out about it, I had him come sit in my lap and I told him that I heard that he misses his mama.  I told him that I thought this was very normal and reminded him that he can ALWAYS come talk to me about these feelings.  So I decided to discuss several things with him at that moment.  I reminded him that it's okay to love 2 mommies.  I reminded him that he would NEVER hurt my feelings by loving her, talking about her, or missing her.  I also told him that I wish I knew where she was at, and that if I did I would let her write to him and I'd let him write to her.  I didn't bother mentioning the fact that I would only let him read what I deemed appropriate...but that's another story.  I'm not about to let her give him yet another guilt trip. We continued to talk about her, and I reminded him that I love his mama too.  I acknowledged the fact that while adopting him was such a HAPPY time for us...I knew that it was kind of sad for him because that meant that he didn't get go home to live with his mama anymore. 

Then the big moment happened.  He asked me "Why" he didn't get to go home with his family.  I don't know if you remember it, but I'd told had told him before that I knew he had questions and when he was ready to know why he didn't get to go home, he could come ask me and we'd talk.  How do you explain drugs to a six year old?  I asked him if he knew what drugs were and he said no.  So I explained that medicines are good drugs that help our body but sometimes people take bad drugs.  His mama had a problem with bad drugs.  Joshua asked, "Why are they bad?"  How do you explain this to a six year old?  How do you explain what getting "high" is?  So I told him they made people go crazy for a little while and when they go crazy, sometimes they do bad things that they wouldn't have done if they weren't taking the drugs.  He asked, "Like what?"  So I told him like running over other people when driving their car, or hurting their kids.  Again, he wanted to know how people hurt their kids while on drugs.  I told him in different ways...sometimes they didn't feed their kids when doing drugs....sometimes they'd kill their kids while doing drugs.  I know all of this seems very graphic to be talking about with a six year old...but again, I've always taken the approach with kids that when they were old enough to ask questions, they were old enough to know and need the answers.  I felt the answers to the questions would be vital to how happy he allowed himself to be here.  If I had glossed over this fact, then he would have felt that maybe he should still be living with his mama...and therefore, he shouldn't be happy here because he "belongs" there.  He needs to understand that his birth home was NOT a safe place and he needs to understand that his birthmom had a chance to get off of her drugs (I told him that DFCS tried to help her by sending her to a special kind of hospital that helps people quit taking drugs...but it didn't work).  I reiterated to him that I think his mom loved him and she tried to quit taking the drugs but she couldn't.  So the judge thought he needed to live in a home that was safe.  I told him that Daddy and me had to pee in a cup.  He thought that was funny and gross at the same time.  I told him that because drugs will come out in people's pee after they take them, they can test our pee to see if we've been doing drugs.  I asked him if he thought that they found drugs in our pee...and he guessed right.  He wanted to know about his "story" and how he came to live with us.  Since this happened last year, you'd think that he'd remember that.  But I told him about how he stayed with us just a few days when he first quit living with his other parents...but DFCS told us that they had another family that they were going to live with.  So they moved....but that family got a divorce (followed by an explanation on what a "divorce" is). Then he moved in with another family....and THEY got a divorce.  Then they moved in with yet another family...and yes, they too got a divorce.  So when DFCS called us, the first thing they asked us was, "How's your marriage...are you going to get a divorce?"  He thought this was funny.  I told him how I assured DFCS that "Daddy and I are very happily married and we don't want a divorce." 

He asked about talking to her on the phone and I told him truthfully that I don't have her phone number.  He said we could just start dialing 13795682, etc. till we found her number.  Funny but sad.  I told him no, that wouldn't work....we'd be here from till we died if we tried to do that because there are so many different numbers.

The last thing that we talked about was his feelings.  I acknowledged that I knew he was sad sometimes and that's normal.  I told him that feeling sad sometimes is normal and missing his other parents was normal.  But I reminded him that if started feeling sad or angry alot of the time...or missing her alot of the time, then he needed to come tell me about it because that would mean that we need to see a doctor who can help him feel better.  I asked him if he missed her all the time or just some of the time....he said just some of the time.  And I asked if was sad or angry alot of the time or just some of the time, and again, he said just some of the time. 

He's been extra loving since then with lots of extra hugs and kisses and climbing in my lap for me to hold him.  But then he told his sister that a picture she'd drawn on the ground at soccer (which Ronnie thinks that he thought was me) was NOT her mama...her mama was someplace else.  Sigh.  Another blog.

I have to admit, I'm not looking forward to school starting this year.  For one thing, this year I'm homeschooling Joshua.  I'm hoping I will not get any "lip" about us homeschooling our former foster child, now adopted, son.  I'd hate to start the year with a lawyer and battle.  I guess I'm working myself up for a battle because I've read quite a few stories last month of similar situations and the schools trying to force the parents to put their special needs child back in the public school system.  In the words of my southern vernacular, "It ain't happening". 

Oh well.  Ronnie is having fits with his workplace.  I'm not sure he'll have a job when he leaves work today.  He's going to talk to the director, who has said that he believes the people are "conspiring" together because on their annual company evaluations so many of them put negatives this year.  He was furious.  Because the documents are supposed to be "anonymous" they don't put their names on them...but as an added assurance, most who listed "negatives" typed their papers so they could not be identified by handwriting.  The director has told them now that this was "unethical" so for now on they would do only face to face evaluations.  Of course this will prevent people from being honest because the people they have a problem with will be doing the interviews.  He also told them that since this is a "conspiracy", if one person will come forward and admit who the other people were that "conspired" together, he'd spare their job...implying that the rest will be fired. 

The sad thing is, this man is absolutely adored in the community.  He is your typical politician type fellow who rubs elbows with his country club friends.  He's on all sorts of  "boards" here in the community....yet he does nothing.  If the newspaper is taking a picture, he's there.  If not, he doesn't even show up most of the time.  He used to be the school superintendent....and he's made it clear that his "job" is just to see that other's do theirs....not to actually do any work.  He says his job is fund raising (but in the 8 years my husband has been there, he's never once obtained any funds through his fund raising efforts for the company).  And his job is to go to meetings...but in the 8 years that he's been their he's never once been to any of the state meetings that help teach and train the center for how to be in compliance or meet state standards.  Nope.  He only shows up if it makes him look good, and there's not PR opportunity's in doing behind the scenes work.  One time the newspaper was going to take a picture of some award a client was getting, so he left the other building (he keeps his office in an entirely different building...no reason for it other than he just doesn't want other's to see his 3 hour lunches that he takes with his wife at the companies expense) to show up for that .  He made sure that he was the one giving the client the award...but he didn't even know the client's name!  If he ever has to present any information to the Board, he always has to get the asst. Director (who does all the work), to write out all the information, gather the facts, tell him who the people are etc, and even write his speeches because he doesn't have a clue as to what's going on. 

Just talked to my husband and he said he's already had the meeting with the Director.  The Director said he had every intention of firing him because he'd already heard that Ronnie helped another one with her evaluation (hence, his conspiracy theory).  Ronnie did help her.  The woman didn't know how to open the document or type in the program, (she's not very computer literate) and she asked Ronnie for help with that.  Ronnie helped her, but they didn't plan what they were going to say together.  There's the big "Conspiracy".  Just thinking about all this junk....and my stomach is hurting again.  Sigh.  It's not a good time, economy wise, for Ronnie to find a new job....and it almost certainly means a pay cut if he does.  What's the alternative though? 

This summer is entirely too short.  We've been doing school most of the summer, so we didn't have much of a break.  Our start date is August 24th.  The public school kids start back August 7th, this Friday.  So we'll have a couple of weeks longer than them....of course, they have more breaks than us usually also.  I have no scheduled "teacher's work days".  I'm not planning a Winter break in addition to the two weeks of Christmas break they already get. 

My daughter could possibly one day be one of those really bad contestants on America's Idol tryouts that you see.  Jessica loves to sing.  She sings all the time. And loud.  She watched a youtube video with a little child about age 6 singing (wonderfully I might add), and she longed to be that girl.  The problem is she can't carry a tune at all. Not even close to a tune.  I've tried teaching her some very simple little songs that most 4 year olds could learn with a little practice like Jesus Loves Me or ABC's song.  She tried for just a few minutes, declared them too hard and told me she'd sing her own song.  Subsequent singing lessons have not happened because she "already knows a beautiful song".  It's usually about pottying and legos.  Sometimes about legos IN the potty.

She thinks she's singing wonderfully.  I won't bust her bubble.  At least not until she tells me she's trying out for American Idol.

We've been staying busy this summer trying to finish up school work that we didn't get to this past year.  But we're managing to have lots of fun also. 

We got the kids a new (above ground) pool in lue of a vacation, so they've been keeping cool and having fun in there.  Here in the south, the humidity can be so miserable that the kids don't care to go outside when it's hot.  So I'm enjoying them having an outlet for some of that pent up energy that they have from staying inside. 

The kids are doing well.  But I'm still worried about Joshua.  He told Sarah the other day that his Mom and Dad are at their house crying because they miss him.  Sigh.  Two counselors and so far nothing is helping them "see" what I'm worried about.  I know this is a grieving process.  I get that.  But my gut tells me that if he doesn't learn how to deal with these worries and emotions, he's going to have a hard road ahead of him.  My gut is telling me that he has some serious issues concerning this and it's not going to just blow over on his own.  For the most part, he's well behaved.  According to both therapists this translates to mean he's dealing with it fine.  I don't think so.  I think he's a volcano....and one day all of his emotions will erupt.

This isn't stopping me from thoroughly enjoying him!  He's such a cutie.  And I am seeing some good signs!  He mentioned in a round about way that he loved me today!  He's only told me and Ronnie that he loves us 2 times since the birth families rights were TPR'd.  Well, 2 times without being prompted.  He's swimming like a fish though and he's turning so brown!  All of the kids are getting quite a tan this summer, lol.

I was going to post some pictures but it seems that my website capacity is full.  I'll have to upload later to photobucket, so I can post some!

Happy 4th y'all!

Recently I found a website that was apparently intended for public school teachers to post articles about topics they deem relevant.  I was quite surprised to read one person's "rant" about why he didn't believe in homeschooling.  He had a degree in journalism, so many of the home school families were quite disappointed at how misinformed and unresearched his "reasons" were. 

He began his article by calling home school moms "self aggrandizing, society phobic mothers".  It only got better from there.  Later, after being bombarded by comments from home school parents who were shocked and angry at the audacity of his article, he somewhat tried to soften to the blow of these words by saying, he didn't mean this as harshly as it sounded...so take it with a proverbial grain of salt.

Just a few of his (10) reasons are:

1.  College kids use the term, "You were totally homeschooled" as an insult. 

(The interesting thing about this "reason" was that it was implied that PUBLIC schooled kids would be doing the insults. He also pointed out that one could be taunted with this irregardless of whether they were *actually* home schooled.  What he failed to realize...this would be a sign of BAD socialization skills in the real world.  We don't go around randomly insulting people in the real world.  He also failed to notice that going to a public school would not prevent this either.  Apparently, our kids could possibly have this insult thrown at them, irregardless of whether they home or public schooled...so what's the point of sending them to a public school again?)

2. Homeschool parents are "selfish" because we are not sending our kids to the public school to help the not so smart kids there.

(I thought this was an insult to public schooled kids personally.  I think there are some brilliant children in the public school system and it's sad that he wants to encourage such peer dependence.  I also fail to understand how sending a smart kid to school will make another kid smarter anyhow.  His argument made NO sense what-so-ever.  I've paid local taxes all of my adult life...most of which goes to the public schools.  My kids do not directly benefit from this at all.  Plus, by me teaching my kids at home, that is 7 less kids in the classroom...making the classrooms smaller and allowing the teacher to focus on the other students.  So in actuality, I've been selfless since I've taken the burden of educating my children off the system, thereby reducing teacher/student ratio and do not partake of the resources that we help pay for.)

3.  As a teacher, it just makes him angry (except he didn't use that word).

(Well, there's a good reason to send our kids to a public school....it just makes him angry.)

4.  There was no way a regular parent could teach as well as him.

(This one was funny.  He had a double major in English and Journalism, and yet multiple home school parents pointed out grammatical errors.  Note:  Not me!  Whereas, I can do a good job of editing my grammar mistakes, I don't usually bother.  So I cast no stones on this one, lol.  However, other's obviously felt that he needed to have it pointed out, so as to prove their point...they CAN educate their kids as well as he can.  His point was even if we could teach English as well as him, we can't be an expert in every subject.  Well, the problem with this way of thinking is that we don't HAVE to be an expert in all of these subjects.  We have to have access to good curriculum, be willing to learn WITH the child, or hire tutors for our kids.  Problem solved.)

He went on and on with such things, ending with this last reason...."not to hate, but homeschoolers are kind of geeky".   

Well there's a reason to send our kids to public school. 

As a Christian, I take that "geeky" name and wear it with pride.  We are called to be different.  Titus 2:14 and I Peter 2:9 calls us a "peculiar" people.  That New Testament word for peculiar is periousios and is actually a compound of two Greek words that means "being beyond usual, that is, special (one's own).  "Peculiar",  I think, is this mans word, "geeky".  I've told my children for years that they are not supposed to be able to "fit in" with most kids.  If they went to a public school, private school, home school co-op, or even church, it's rare that they completely fit in.  If they act just like the kids cursing at the home school co-op or, disrespecting their parents, disrespectful towards things to do with God, or in one case making out at co-op, then we have failed and we need to come up with a new plan fast (and pray that it's not too late for US to influence our children for Christ.  Our influence as a parent rarely ever "stops" but it certainly slows down as our children get older). 

After being swamped with angry homeschooler's comments, (according to him there were over 25,000 words posted in the comments section in one day) he's now decided homeschoolers are the "Kenyans" of filibusters and if he were ever in a fight he'd want us on his side, lol.

His next post was titled, "Homeschoolers: Do they care too much?".

This time his list was even worse...because it revealed the real danger that I see in the public school "system" (not necessarily the teachers, or at least not all of them, or even the principal but as an organization).

This time he pointed out that he thought it was dangerous for our kids to get all of their information from one source because then no one would be there to challenge that information.  He equated this to "brainwashing".  In other words, he's telling us that part of the public schools "job" is to make sure that the things you teach your kids is being challenged.  According to him, part is to counteract people's religion and morality. 

Let me quote: 

 This sort of attitude toward the vast majority of mainstream society worries me if it comes just from a parent. But since this comes from the two major authority figures in a child?s life?both parent and teacher? I?m downright terrified myself. How will the child come to learn any different?

Do you think abortion is wrong?  It's the PS's job to counteract that belief according to this author.

Do you think homosexuality is wrong?  It's the PS's job to teach your kids otherwise (and he specifically mentioned "sexuality" as one of those beliefs that public schools help to counter...but that seems to have disappeared from the original post now.) Again, according to this author, it's the PS's job to teach differently. 

Do you have ANY moral that is different than mainstream, liberal America?  If you do, then a public school would be the place to ensure that your belief system is not passed on to your child.

I loved my son's public school teacher this year. She was very sweet and she truly loved my son!  How can I NOT love someone who so clearly loved my child?  But at the end of the year, he was struggling and I was given a choice.  I can either keep him in Kindergarten so he can learn to read but the math will be too easy for him....or I can send him on to first grade, where he will be left behind in reading...but he'll get the math he needs.  I was to choose between math and reading.

No thanks.  This society phobic, self-aggrandizing, selfish home school mom will keep her son at home next year, so I won't have to choose between learning to read and learning to add.

Recently a homeschool list I'm on had a conversation about how colleges effect Christians kids.  The conversation has now turned to views on preparing our children for the world.  As a mom with a son going into 11th grade, I can certainly relate to the concerns that the original poster had when she asked how secular colleges affected Christian kids.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about this topic alot.  I made this reply this morning on the topic.  So this is what's been going through my mind for the past couple of days.

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I cannot thank you all enough for adding your comments to this conversation.

I also agree completely. My husband is an assistant pastor, and as such we had a lot of "expectations" put upon us young parents to have our kids behave certain ways....even though our son was only 2 at the time! We have always felt like this was only people wanting a performance out of our children. Our children are not "performers". People were more concerned with my children's outside than they were with their inside. As their mother, I am MUCH more interested in seeing them come to a personal and very real relationship with Christ. I don't want to force my views on them....I want to lead them to the right views and for them to choose Christ on their own. Anything forced into them, can be easily picked out of them.

On the other hand, how do I know that they have truly accepted Christianity? I'm sure I would find out pretty quickly if they went to a college where their professed belief system was attacked repeatedly. At that point, we would know if they truly believed what they professed because people will not be persecuted for OTHER people's beliefs! I think the true test on whether a child has truly accepted Christ is what beliefs they adhere to when facing persecution or an assault on their beliefs. I can't help but go back to the thought that Jesus himself did not start his ministry until he was 30. He did things within the church prior to that, but you do not find him venturing out on his own in full fledged ministry until 30.

Personally, I don't want to find out that way. Not all kids develop at the same rate. Some truly accept Christ and the Bible's teachings earlier than others....they have made the Bible and it's teachings their own...not their parents beliefs, but made it their beliefs. Some kids have never faced or challenged what their parents believe and teach them prior to leaving for college. So when faced with these new challenges, they don't know how to respond. And if they don't have the answers....

My oldest is going into the 11th grade. Time has flown. He will soon be embarking on his college life. He's leaning towards a VERY conservative Christian college. I think that's the only way I'd even consider him leaving for college anyhow. He goes to forums to read debates on evolution. He's studied what other religions teach. He's written numerous papers on what HE believes....and he's been expected to back it up both scripturally, morally, and logically. I think he's prepared. I'm scared to death to find out if I'm right. I don't want to send my son....my baby sheep-soldier prematurely into the world.

My signature is the essence of why I homeschool.

Why I homeschool:

"there is a big difference between sending fully trained disciples into

enemy territory and sending recruits to our enemy's training camp. If we do

the latter, we shouldn't be surprised when they come home wearing the

enemy's uniform and charging the hill of our home waving an enemy flag."

-from Family Driven Faith By Voddie Baucham, Jr.

You know, I was always a kind of "green" person.  From the time that I learned about water conservation, fossil fuels, CFC's and recyclying as a child, I've wanted to take better care of our planet.  But here I sit as an adult, a few years older....and a heck of a lot smarter, and I realize that I can't believe everything that I was taught as a child or even what I'm being told as an adult.  Especially what I'm told as an adult. 

So here I sit at the computer at 2:39 in the morning, freezing, and I can't help but wonder, "Where the heck is the global warming that is suppossed to be killing the planet as we speak?"  No doubt, if you listen to some some people who've made the environment their "religion", you'd believe that we are still indeed in global warming.  It doesn't matter that this has been the coldest winter in many, many....many years.  Yes, these religious freaks will continue preaching they tired sermon to every person who will buy into it.  The funny thing is back in the 70's Newsweek Magazine was trying to raise awareness and warn people about the "The Coming Iceage". 

Global warming?  Here's an interesting article that I just found on this very topic. 

It's interesting to note that it's become such a fad thing to be "green" and "prevent" global warming, if you are scientist who disagrees with this doom and gloom assessment, or questions this supposed warming, you are completely ridiculed. This has been true for several years.  It hasn't gotten any better for the dissenting scientist since this article was written. 

So what's a sane, non-evironment-worshipping, thinking person to do?  Glad you asked.  Well, reasonable people need not do this. How about being responsible with what you use or purchase?  That's simple enough...and you should do that whether we're in "global warming" or not.  Don't waste things just because you can.  Recycle.  Purchase gas efficient vehicles if you can afford them. Etc.  You know all of that.  But most of all, quit panicking.  I think it's just a tad too soon to declare that the sky is falling.