And The Stars Won't Mind

Not That Wonderful

 

The diversity of mankind

in a 21st century march-past:

 

mixed-race Americans

(they’ll win most medals),

 

fair-skinned Norwegians

(lovely people),

 

yellow-skinned Koreans

(feminine ladies),

 

dark-skinned Nigerians

(masculine fellows);

 

nationalities in national dress

(good to see),

 

nationalities like McDonald’s employees

(arrrggghhhhhh),

 

nationalities deliberately non-conformist

(go, Aussie, go),

 

nationalities shy and reticent

(stand tall, St. Kitts and Nevis),

 

nationalities big and bold

(Deutschland uber alles);

 

rollicking Slovaks,

quiet Pakistanis,

matey Britons,

stern Kazakstanis,

sophisticated French;

 

smiling Canadians,

waving Peruvians,

cool Jamaicans,

heroic Russians,

emerging Chinese;

 

Christians,

Hindus,

Buddhists,

Moslems,

Pagans,

Sikhs,

Animists,

Jews;

 

republicans,

royalists,

democrats,

socialists,

liberals,

conservatives;

 

Hutu,

Bhutanese,

Irish,

Japanese,

Indian,

Portuguese,

Magyar,

Congolese…

 

only one man was missing:

Miresmaeili,

from a crazy

Asian nation

 

who refused to participate

in the men’s under-66 kg,

judo competition

 

because his first opponent

was Vaks,

from another crazy

Asian nation.

 

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No Problem Sir

 

“Bottle of savoury sauce, please.”

 

“Sorry, Sir: cancer scare.”

 

“Fresh chicken?”

 

“ Sorry, Sir: avian influenza scare.”

 

“Tinned salmon in sunflower oil?”

 

“Sorry, Sir: botulism scare.”

 

“Dozen large eggs?”

 

“Sorry, Sir: salmonella scare.”

 

“Six beef burgers?”

 

“Sorry, Sir: bovine spongiform encephalopathy scare.”

 

“20 untipped, full-strength cigarettes?”

 

“No problem, Sir: £5.20 please.”

 

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