SURDARJIS ARE KNOWN AS FUNNIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. THEY HAVE THE BROAD MENTALITY OF ACCEPTING JOKES MADE
ON THEM. Here are some(exhaustive) surd achievements
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Q and A's about Surds
* How do you make a surd laugh on Friday?
* Tell him a joke on Monday.
*
* How did the surd break his arm while he was raking leaves?
* He fell out of the tree.
*
* What do surd and beer bottles have in common?
* Both are empty from the neck up.
*
* What do you call a bunch of surd standing in a row?
* A wind tunnel.
*
* If a surd and a Layman fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
* The Layman the Surd would have to stop and ask for directions.
*
* How do you drown a Surd?
* Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
*
* Why does a Surd only change his baby's diapers once a month?
* Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
*
* How do you make a Surd's eyes light up?
* Shine a flashlight in his ear.
*
* Why do Surds wear shoulder pads?
* To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
*
* How do you kill a Surd?
* Put spikes in his shoulder pads.
*
* What do you call a brunette with a Surd on either side?
* An interpreter.
*
* What would a Surd say if you blew in his ear?
* ÒThanks for the refill!
*
* Why do Surds have more fun?
* Because they don't know any better.
*
* How can you tell if a Surd has used your computer?
* There'll be white-out on the screen.
*
* What's the difference between a Surd and a computer?
* You only have to put information into a computer once.
*
* Why did the Surd climb over the glass wall?
* To see what was on the other side.
*
* How did the Surd try to kill the bird?
* He threw it off of a cliff.
*
* How does a Surd do a High-Five?
* He smacks himself in the forehead.
*
* Why do Surds wear their hair up?
* To try and catch everything that's over their heads.
*
* What do you call a bunch of Surds in a circle?
* A dope ring.
*
* What do you do if a Surd throws a grenade at you?
* Pull the pin and throw it back.
*
* Why do Surds always die before help arrives?
* They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.
*
* Why don't Surds eat pickles?
* Their heads always get stuck in the jar.
*
* Why don't Surds like to make Kool-Aid?
* Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.
*
* Why did the Surd put T.G.I.F. on his shoes?
* Toes Go In First.
*
* Why do Surds wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
* That's where you wash vegetables.
*
* What's the advantage of being married to a Surd?
* You can park in a handicapped zone.
*
* Why don't Surds get coffee breaks?
* It takes too long to re-train them.
*
* What do you call a zit on a SUrd's backside?
* A brain tumor.
*
* What did the Surd call his zebra?
* Spot.
*
* What do an intelligent Surd and a UFO have in common.
* You often hear about them, but you never see one.
*
* Why do Surds hate the G.E.D.?
* Because they can't spell it.
*
* How many Surd jokes are there?
* None, they're all true.
*
* What does a Surd who has dyed his hair brown have?
* Artificial intelligence.
*
* How many Surds does it take to screw in a light bulb?
* One, he holds the bulb still and the world revolves around his.
*
* What do you call a bunch of Surds in a freezer?
* Frosted Flakes.
*
* How do you get a Surd to climb up on the roof?
* Tell his that the drinks are on the house.
*
* What do you call a Surd with half a brain?
* Gifted.
*
* What's a Surd's favorite T-shirt slogan?
* I'm a natural Surd, please speak slowly.
*
* What's the definition of gross ignorance?
* 144 Surds.
*
* Why did the Surd freeze in the winter?
* Because he went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.
*
* Why can't Surds be pharmacists?
* Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.
*
* How do you measure a Surd's I.Q.?
* With a tire gauge.
*
* How do you change a Surd's mind?
* Blow in his ear.
*
* What did the Surd yell when he saw the car accident?
* ÒI'll go and call 911, what's the number?
*
* What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
* A Surd driving through a flashing red light.
*
* What's a Surd doing when he grasps at thin air?
* Collecting his thoughts.
*
* What would you call a bunch of Surds stacked on top of each other?
* An air mattress.
*
* What do you call an intelligent Surd?
* A golden retriever.
*
* Why do Surds wear a ponytail?
* To hide the valve stem.
*
* How can you tell if a Surd writes mysteries?
* He has a checkbook.
*
* How do you keep a Surd busy?
* Give his a pack of M&M's and ask his to alphabetize them.
*
* How many Surds does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
* 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's.
*
* Why did the Surd get fired from the M&M factory?
* Because he kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.
*
* What is the only job a Surd can do in an M&M factory?
* Proofreading.
*
* Why would a Surd wear green lipstick?
* Because red means Stop.
*
* What do Surds and cow pies have in common?
* The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
*
* What is the mating call of a Surd?
* I'm soooo drunk!
*
* What is the mating call of an ugly Surd?
* I said, ÔI'm drunk!
*
* Why do Surds always fail driver's tests?
* Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
*
* What would a Surd say if his doctor told him that he was pregnant?
* Is it mine?
*
* What did the Surd's mom say before his daughter went out on a date?
* If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
*
* What does a Surd use for birth control?
* Brown hair-dye.
*
* How does a Surd like his eggs?
* Unfertilized.
*
* What are the first two things that a Surd does in the morning?
* 1. He introduces himself. 2. He goes home.
*
* One day, a Surd was driving to California. On the way, he saw a
* sign that said, Clean Rest rooms Ahead. By the time he finally reached
* the coast, he had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
*
* Two Surds were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
* The first Surd said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The
* other Surd said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still
* arguing about it when a train hit them.
*
* A Surd was very proud of himself for finishing his jigsaw
* puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
*
* One day, two Surds were driving to Disneyland. As they passed
* through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said,
* Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
*
* A dumb Surd, a smart Surd, and Santa Claus were all walking down
* the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground.
* Luckily for the dumb Surd, he was able to get to the money first,
* his friends didn't exist.
*
* Surds are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!
* I once knew a suicide Surd, he dyed by his own hands.
*
* A Surd went into a pizza parlor. When he said that he'd like a
* medium pizza, the clerk asked his how many pieces he'd like to have
* it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the Surd.
* I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
*
* One day, a Surd and his friend were walking through the park.
* Suddenly, the Surd's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The
* Surd looked up and said, Where?
*
* On a hot summer day, an angry Surd was brought into the
* hospital with severe burns on his mouth and lips. When the doctors
* asked his what had happened, he said that he had caught his
* girlfriend with another man, so he had tried to retaliate by
* blowing his car up.
*
* A Surd became very depressed when he looked at his driver's
* license and saw that he had an ÔF' in sex.
*
* Once upon a time, there was a Surd who had six young boys, all of
* whom he named 'Jimmy'. One day, his aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The Surd said, So I can keep track of 'em. The aunt gave him a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The Surd looked at his aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their last names.
*
* A Surd wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on
* the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, he made
* for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning his comfy foot stool,
* he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from
* the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the Surd moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from his Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The Surd, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up his stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The Surd stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB SURD, I OWN THE @$#&! ICE RINK!
*
* Three Surds are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of
* them decides to call 911.
* Surd: We need help, me and two other Surds are trying to change
* a light bulb.
* Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in?
* S: Yes.
* O: Is the power in the house turned on?
* S: Of course!
* O: And the switch is on?
* S: Yes, yes!
* O: And the bulb still won't light up?
* S: Actually, the bulb's working fine.
* O: Then what's the problem?
* S: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell
* off and hurt ourselves.
*
* What did the Surd say when he saw the Cheerios?
* Ahh, donut seeds!
*
* What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
* A Person that told too many Surd jokes (grin).
*
* How do you confuse a Surd?
* Put his in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
*
* How does a Surd confuse you?
* He tells you he did.
JOKES
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department
improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made
him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway deparrtment was
""There should not be last coach in any train.""
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Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and
throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I
am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.
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Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for
the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK !!!"
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Sardar gets an oppurtunity to fly to a near by country. Sardar never has been on an airplane anywhere and got so excited and tensed. As soon
as he boarded the plane, a BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!!
BOEING....'. He forgets what's around, and even the pilot in the cock-pit could hear the noise. Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and
shouted 'BE SILENT!'. There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is looking at the Sardar and the angry Pilot. Sardar starred at the Pilot
in silence for a moment and all of a sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OEING!!!...'.
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Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat
your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.
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Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for
the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" , person didn't understand what singh was saying and said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat,
Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and
asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but
this guy is not giving me the fat.
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In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him How many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend
told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty .Then how can U eat seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky
question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??". She replied "Five".
Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it"
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One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being called fools. So he decides to fool the others and show them that they too are
fools. Our friend goes to the top of Kutubminar in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of interest. Somebody taps him on the back and asks,
"Sardarji what r u looking" our freind replies "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.." After sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the
second guy and he gives the same reply. This goes on . After a while our freind sees that the line has reached the bottom of kutubinar. So he feels
very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so many people & decides to tell turn back. He does so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE
WAY TO THE BOTTOM
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Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the
Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches
him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers."
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Here is the unpublished paper for PEMEE (Punjab
Engineering and Medical Entrance Examination)
-PUNJAB ENGINEERING & MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAM-
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian
Empire with particular reference to
architecture, literature, law and social
conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build
a bridge (b)sail the ocean (c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e)
Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0
meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12
and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
9. Spell- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar
,the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name
the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a
7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of
Relativity? (a) yes (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem
for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic
Equilibrium
-OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story
building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most
oranges? (a)Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how
many apples do you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for
efficiency began when (approximately)? (a)
B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
You must answer at least three questions correctly
to qualify.
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A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20
lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next
19 weeks." The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a
lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going
to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
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Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for the "Punjab Mail". As they were waiting an announcement is made about the train running late
by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill the four sardarjis decide to go
out into the city to spend the time. When they get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the platform.So sardarjis start
running desperately to board the train.. One ofthem manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got almost the last boggie and the other two got left
behind. When the two Sardarji 's who managed to get into the train met each other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They
go on laughing .....laughing ....and laughing. Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the Sardarji's .... "Arre, what's
so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly? One of the Sardarji's managed to reply " Actually the two who were supposed to take this train got
left behind......we ....just came to see them off !!!!!!!!!!"
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Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..
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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There
is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the
captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two
engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry
.. we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up
here all day!"
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Two surdars go for fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to shore. The first surdar says: "I hope u remember the spot where we caught all
those fish." The other answers: "Yes, I made 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot." "You idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will
get the same boat tomorrow." This sardarji goes to the theatre to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his
seat and when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the
cinema?). Sardarji replies "Aadmihoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent(?) man,
I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)
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Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask
each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him,
"Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When
the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked
the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before
saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to metomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his
wife asked "How was the interview ?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
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Once, a Madrasi, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no
parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed
his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Madrasi removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again
his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately,
they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Madrasi who said - " May that
ganapathi help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a
race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.
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One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive. Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a
Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not
bother. After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi
honda chalaya kya?' and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the sardar was teasing about his driving. After some time again the
Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off. This time
the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar '
Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?' The sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes ke liya doond raha tha'
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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave he guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when
the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved ore service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash
his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the irror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the trainhas taken my 20
rupees and woken up someone else".
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Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order
and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the
7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!' Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes
his reply below Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
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Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta:
"It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed." Santa: "It
is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I
am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
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Sardar Banta Singh is waiting for a DTC bus on a New Delhi bus stop, he is musing over something that has bothered him for quite a while ... why
does everyone make fun of us Sardars. It is so unfair. He stops a Taxi Driver Surdar and asks him the same Question, the two of them then stop
an Auto Rickshaw Surd. The Question spreads like wild fire. In a Day ... Surds all over India want to know why does everyone make fun of us
Sardars. They think over it and think over it, but no one can come up with a reasonable answer. A meeting is convened at the Jawaharlal Nehru
Stadium where all the Intelligent Surds are invited. After an day long debate no concrete answer. Then they decide to send Banta Singh to
London to look for the right answer. Banta leaves the Next Day. On arriving at Heathrow, Banta wastes no time in his search. He asks the first
Gora He sees. why does everyone make fun of us Sardars.The Gora says to Banta. "Look it's very Simple, if you can answer a simple question I ask
you you'll prove to me that this whole thing is just propaganda against your people by a jealous faction, but if you cant! Then you guys deserve
to be a laughing stock of everyone." Banta feels his skin tingle as he says ..."Okay What is Question" "There are Three People in My family"
the foreigner Explains, "The first is my Lovely Daughter Mary Anne, The Second is my Beautiful wife Sylvia. Who is that Third Person in My
Family"? Banta Spews out these Answers as the Gora Keeps shaking his head.... ....... "May be your dad" ... "or else may be your mom" ... "Maybe you have a Dog" ... "May be you have a cat" ... "Aunt" ... "Uncle" "Grand father" "Give up"! asks the foreigner. Banta Nods his head in
defeat. "Mr. Singh, I am the third person in my Family. Now go back to India and give this knowledge to your people. If they can't answer
this simple question. Tell them they are getting what they deserve" Two days later, Banta is at Center Stage (JNS) with mike in hand. He repeats
the same question. "There are three people in my house. One is my daughter, the other my wife. Who is the third one ? Banta Smiles as his fellow
Sardars try to answer this brain Teaser... "May be your mother" ... "Maybe you have a Dog" ... "Aunty" ... "May be your dad" ... "etc" ...
"etc" 80,000 Sardars cant answer a simple question, it's time I tell them Banta Thinks. He raises his hand, the Sardars are quiet. "Give up"
He asks "Give up" the Entire Stadium Replies. "The third one is " Banta screams into the microphone "that foreigner" as he points towards London.
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There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your
kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city play ground".
Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the
Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a
note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji ?!"
_______________________________________________________
Hi friends, Let us take a look at the report submitted by sardar to his manager after completing his Y2K verification task.
**********sardar.txt**********
Dear Sir, Our staff hascompleted the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every
system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We
are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all rams and all data
to reflect your new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December As well as: Sundak,
Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem
has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000
have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the twodigit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await
your direction."
Very Sincerely IQ Singh Y2K Project leader
_______________________________________________________
HERE ARE SOME SARDARJI JOKES ......... ENJOY
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot out.
Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
Tries to drown a fish in waters.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Sells the car for gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"
Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.(Again, T silent)
Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone
How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house.
"Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
____________________________________________________
SARDAR'S BMW
BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier. Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was driving back to home very happily. On the way the
car broke down. Sardarji came out of the car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time Sardar
Gani Singh came by that way and saw our sardarji, totally confused and sweating, trying to search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what
was the matter. Hari Singh: "The BMW people made me fool. They have given me the Car without the engine." Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare
engine in the back of my BMW. You can take that."
______________________________________________________
TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called
the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
____________________________________________________
SPARE BOMB
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a
suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I
have a spare bomb in the back seat"
_____________________________________________________
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani
Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"
_____________________________________________________
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but
why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really
want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says,
Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it
yelling "87, 87, 87"...
_________________________________________________________________
EMPLOYMENT?
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
___________________________________________________________________
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had
thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls
out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se
ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again
surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do
shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me to itni akal thi ki
vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!
___________________________________________________________
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and wehad to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He getsvery irritated. He tries to
cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood
shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds
the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
___________________________________________________________
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta
in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are
you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver.
________________________________________________________
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the
sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the
sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to
the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not to leave. Then
the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears
of the Sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left theside seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt.
asked the capt.what he told to the Sardarji Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others
will go to Jalandhar."
______________________________________________________________
SARDAR THIEF
Santa Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight hewas too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A
sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him! "When this smart guy
finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then
he went to the police station and reported the matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you
tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered
up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".
_________________________________________________________
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
______________________________________________________________
PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he
found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked the roach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried
to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: Run". The roach could
not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".
__________________________________________________________
COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV."Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
__________________________________________________________
CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is
being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"71st and again barefeet!"
____________________________________________________________
LONG FLIGHT
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!
____________________________________________________________
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the
Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
____________________________________________________________
Sardars' Business There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion they finally decided to
start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed, but nobody turned up. WHY ?
.......... B'coz there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed" After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They
bought the best of car servicing equipment's and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car
entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY ? B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look
for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman oint yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to
Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi. WHY ? B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi!! All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to
push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did
not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't
move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge. WHY ? B'coz two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
____________________________________________________________
Suicidal Sardar An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building... They were eating
lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this
building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The Surd opened
his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get paratha and daal one more time I'm jumping too." Next day - The American opens his lunch
box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha
and daal and jumps to his death also... At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of
corned beef & cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I
didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
__________________________________________________________
Surd Freedom Fighters Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds
became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied,
"OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT..WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
___________________________________________________________
Surd with his new Maruti Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his
friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the
evening. But he didn't reach in the evening, and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his disrtraut mother ran
and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?" The sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal ho
gaye nain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaae nain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?"
___________________________________________________________
The Train Driver One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and
then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar. When
he was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the track and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc . Then
authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. You should have run
over that person . Sardar said : Exactly, that is what I also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.
___________________________________________________________
The Graffiti Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha." (one who reads this is
an ass) Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and after much thought erased it and wrote "Likhne waala Ghadah". (One who wrote this is an ass)
____________________________________________________________
Sardarji is traveling in the same train compartment with a girl. He pulls out a metal plate and starts playing it "Ding. Ding.Ding."
The girl gets annoyed "You stop that." He stops and they travel for a while. Then when the night comes the girl takes off her clothes, looks at
him and asks "Do you want to do IT?" He says "Yes". "Goahead." He pulls out his plate and starts playing "Ding. Ding. Ding."
****************************************************
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our
Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am
Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."
****************************************************
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one
replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked,"So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they
cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying.The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied,"I
have come for my urine test."
****************************************************
There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian, and a Jewish guy.They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they notice that theirboss
leaves work a little early. So one day they meet together and say that today when the bossleaves, they'll all leave early too. The boss left and so
did they. TheJewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start. TheItalian guy goes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes home
and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..! He shuts the door and hurries out of the house!
The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to leave early againand he
says,"no." They ask him why not and he says, "because yesterday I almost got caught."
**************************************************
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. Allthe sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriagebaarat. So one
of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?" ..... comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade
khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"
*************************************************
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough timecarrying
his machine. Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?" Banta :
"But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
**********************
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are
you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that Iwasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would
have been missing too."
***********************
A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirtand the
phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in
disbelief. "But .. what happenedto your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
*********************
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job . He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then the column SEX. He
was not sure as to what to be filled there. Aftermuch thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form,he was told that
it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filledwas either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the
answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
*********************
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singhwas singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside downand started
singing again. Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you? Why are you hanging upside down? Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
*******************
Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for everyshow of the same movie for a week, when someone stops him and asks, "Kyonsardarji,
itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar rahe ho?" Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi ek
saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saalitrain kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh!"
******************
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and hetakes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks,
"kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se namarjaun"
_____________________________________
mother of a sarder wrote......
Pyaarey puttar, I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad
read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't beable to send you the address as the last Sardar
who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their next house,so they couldn't have to change their address. This place is really
nice. It even has a washing machine situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled
the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with
all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 people under him. He
is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I
don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a the nearby well.Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off bravely and drowned. We re-cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend,Balwinder is no more. He died trying to
fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. Your friend died while in the process of
digging a grave for his father. There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Love Mom.
P. S : I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
_________________________________________________
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh were out on a romantic evening. She said to him, "Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a
ring?" "Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
--------------------------------------------------------
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji
orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes!After thinking for some time he
decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly
he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
--------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants
having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only
missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa:
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision
not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong." Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the
other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer.And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
--------------------------------------------------------
FIRST FRIEND: You know, I faced a tiger today!
SECOND FRIEND: Oh really, what happened?
FIRST FRIEND: The tiger looked into my eyes and I looked into his eyes...
SECOND FIRST: Then what happened?
FIRST FRIEND: Then I moved forward...
SECOND FRIEND: What!
FIRST FRIEND: I had to see other animals in the zoo...
--------------------------------------------------------
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the Jullundhur zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet
high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
somebody locks the gate at night!"
--------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the
gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!" Santa responded immediately, "Thank you , your honour! I'll have a scotch and soda."
--------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how they would like to die. Santa said, "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like some of his friends, who also died at the same time." Banta asked, "How did his friends die
screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully?" Santa Singh replied, "His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
sardar jokes......... A number of Indians were discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen was. Some said they always saluted the National
flag wherever were and hence were the most patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly,
they immediately stood at attention. Likewise everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she was. A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while
the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had
nothing to say. Hearing this the Sardarji immediately flew into a rage. "I have kept quiet till now only because I was felt like crying on
hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag or do stand at attention on hearing the national
anthem? A true patriot should be like me. 365 days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan Radio at full volume". "But how is that a
patriotic act?" someone asked. The Sardarji said, "Arrey you don't understand. If nothing else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by
consuming as much of their electricity as possible".
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1) A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale!
Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking
to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU
are talking to, you fool?" "No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the sardarji and put down the phone!
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2) One Train which was going peacefully on the rail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on
the tracks. The passengers were horrified . On the next railway station the driver was caught: He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned.
He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc. The Authorities questioned :
Sardarji are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger!? You should have run over that person.
Sardarji said: Exactly! That is what i also decided ,but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close!
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3) A sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruti car which had done more than 100,000kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his
friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell
the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether
he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000kms!"
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4) Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the
dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in the heaven. Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard
Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey
Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven. And the bad news is
that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's match!"
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Sardarji: "Arre yaar! I lost $1000 today Friend: "How come?" Sardarji: "I bet $500 that India would win the match against Pakistan and
India lost" Friend: "That explains $500. What about the other $500?" Sardarji: "Well, later that evening they were showing the highlights and
I bet $500 on India winning .......... again!!!!"
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Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has
done! ............ The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"
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One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and
hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for
Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar
bargained for Rs.750.It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our
sardar asked whether he will give two.
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Two sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and the other one on the eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day
the sardarji on the eight floor thought to fool the one on the first floor. He invited him for dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor
, he found his door locked and a board at his door " Kaisa bewkoof banaya " . Sardarji felt embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down:" "
Main to yaha aya hi nahi tha"
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Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states.They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is
ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch
the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They
make a big turn and start descending again...This goes on again and again. ....... During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those
stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", ""I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it....""
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A sardarji once took an answering machine home in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his
relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki ghar pe nahin hai"
