Stupid monkey!

      What I've learned over time is that the most important things in life are to be happy, to be healty , and to help someone else.  Just enjoy what you have and make sure that every moment of your life your using it to make others happy. If you strive to be your best then when your gone people will remember you just as you were, pure and  happy. If they look up to you they will be like you, and with more people being kind, optimistic, patient, creative, and so on people can get a long more. Its just common sense. I know I have a bad sometimes but I dont want to have a bad side so I try just like anyone else should. But I have to admit, when my parents promise me something and then cut it off, piss me off for no reason, or just keep on bugging me or wont stop talking I truly just want to rip their heads off. I cant say that I sit there like an angel and take all of their crap. I usually just walk off or reply, but who said the reply was nice? Though everytime they piss me off I storm off like anyone else, but instead of thinking of ways to kill them or give them payback I TRY to understand were they are coming from and I usually suceed. I try to understand and evaluate the issue. I tell myself that its only for my best and one day I will not be effected by these kind of things because I know how to handle them. I tell myself that many successful people had issues with their parents but now are smart, have a good relationship with their parents, and are strong. But I still say you can beat up your pillow just to let it out.

     I find myself sometimes in a mood that I can't describe. Its like I feel so disconnected to the world and I feel like I am nothing. Like everything isn't  there and I am the only thing there for myself. I feel lost though I stand in front of the mirror and know who I am looking at. Why is it that every time I am happy and extatic it comes to mellow blow that seaps over calmy and sneaks upon my smiles? Why is it that it always ends for the day or for the night, week or month. Why is it that when I feel comfortable and happy that it all gets snatched from underneath my feet and fall straight on my face seeing the mistakes I have made? Why in the world can I never retrieve that same spot in my life I felt so brilliant? If I had a camera that could hold my memories and I could go back to them anytime I would relive so many things over again but would not change them at all. I would go back to the day I became sister with Alexis while riding one bike. I would go back to the winter dance in the 7th grade when I had my 1st dance with the guy I dated for 4 months. I would go back to the night of CMEA. I would go back to Marine World. I can picture them so well but yet I am not there.  And then when things seem to come alive again and happy it just drops and glooms over and sigh. A sad slow songs mellows down the excitement and goes to a soft hush and then I become lost. Sometimes it because I can't believe something. Like when I could not belive someone actually deeply cared about me. . . you know who you are. Or the time I could not believe the time I got stright A's. Or the time I could not believe I had my first kiss. AND I still can;t believe I am a eight grader. But when I think about it all I think to myslef, 'Shouldn't I be happy?" and then I become happy and then I just get bored and get lost again. Dont let this happen to you. I have healed though, I am no longer lost. I found the cure you see. Be with the people you love . . . you know who you are, do the things you love, and look foward to things. Keep a lock on that smile. Never let anyhing bring you down and when you were promised something and it was taken away then don't rely on that person and rely on yourself and make it happen. I know and love a song called, 'Cowgirls don't cry' Listen to it. (If you like country) Whatever you do, be happy. Remember, I love you. 

Being emo is a very bad thing. Why in the world are you going to hurt yourself because you cant express your emotions any other way. You should take every breath and every moment on this earth close to your heart because one day you will die. You only have ONE life not nine. So be happy as much as you can and never do anything stupid. Love the people you know, your family and yourself.  The definition of emo is to cut yourself by the way. And dont say your emo or pretend to be emo because its not really funny! This is a serious issue, kids can DIE from losing too much blood you know! Love your self even if everything islooking down. ALWAYS look on the bright side because there always is. Never endanger yourself or your health for no reason whatso ever! And always remember if you think no one loves you, I LOVE YOU!

 You can play the violin but dont be emo please. *Emo haircuts are okay!*