Stupid monkey!

Characters:

Officer

Drunk driver

Story:

*Drunk driver swivels and drives really badly down a dark road, he gets pulled a side by a police officer.*

Drunk driver:  No, officer. I'm not as drunk as you think I am. I swear I just went to a party.

Officer: *Puts alcohol test to his breath* You will have to come to the station with me sir.

Drunk driver: No, no, you see this guy was cleaning my mouth with rubbing alcohol because I made out with his girlfriend. 

Officer: Oh... *steps a side* Have a nice night sir. *walks away* 

Drunk driver: *laughs under his breath* Idiot.

Officer: *officer hears that and runs back and slams drunk driver to the car* I knew it! Yours coming with me you freaking liar!

Drunk driver: *Makes a retarded noise* Oh god I am so sorry I was born with a condition when I say things randomly, I was laughing at a sign. 

Officer: *releases him* Sorry... * Walks away and turns back a little and sees him drinking something. *Runs back and puts a fist to his face* YOU... YOU FREAKING LIAR!!!

Drunk Driver: *Struggles to pull of bottle and shrieks* W-a-t-e-rrr

Officer: *grabs bottle and smells* No... Alcohol you freak

Drunk driver: Please release me.

Officer: * Releases and stares at him* Come with me.

Drunk driver: Officer, you look sooo good in that uniform *Grabs and makes out* 

Officer: How did you know I was gay?

Drunk driver: I dint! * Throws officer into the bushes and drives away drunk as a skunk.*

Officer: I should have known...

THE END!!!!  

Characters:

Blond 

Harvard Graduate

 Story:

*Harvard Graduate sitting on a bench in the community park reading a book called, "Blond." A Blond walks by with a pink handbag and a typical stupid blond look.*

Blond: Your not a blond! This book is not for you! *Grabs book*

Harvard Graduate: Its not about how to be a blond or anything that you would be interested in. Its a biography on Shirlee Temple. *Takes book back*

Blond: How do you know!

Harvard Graduate: Um, I read the back...

Blond: *Grabs book back and opens it and looks at it* What does this mean!?

Harvard Graduate: Uh, you know what you can have it. *Begins to walk away*

Blond: No! Wait! *Runs up to Harvard Graduate* Teach me how to be smart!!!

Harvard Graduate: Okay...? *takes book back* Okay so take one foot at a time and walk. *Blond Falls down and Harvard Graduate helps her out.* Ugh.

Blond: I need a lawyer!!!

Harvard Graduate: I am a lawyer.

Blond: Oh! Okay! Lawyer, This woman can't teach me how to be smart! *Points to the Harvard Graduate* But... Its okay... Want to go shopping?!

Harvard Graduate: No, Not really... 

Blond: Why!?

 Harvard Graduate: Because. I dont know, okay!? Maybe your blondness has rubbed off on me and I dont know why I dont want to go shopping because I dont know anyhting because blonds dont know shit!

Dude, monkeys went into space... You must be high... uh oh! Too much salt water, thats it, I told you to stay away from wind surfing!!! Later dude, 

...

Wait...

...

MONKEYS ARE STUPID!!!!

Monkey... Are you there?

 Now here are some pictures from google pictures 

All the rest of pictures were either of inappropriate or photoshopped pictures of our present president... George Bush. Now I personally don't like Bush but yawl who are kool with him I am giving you that respect. Cheers to Stupid monkeys! Haha

YOU SEND ME A JOKE AND I WILL POST IT HERE!!!

 Send jokes to, pillendorf@yahoo.com 

Alexis California - Theres two guys at a bar And one says, "See that window? Thats a magic window." And the other guy say, "No its not your just pulling my leg!" So the other guy jumos out and the other guy is waiting to hear him splat on the ground but the other guy floats up and sits back on his chair, "See?" So the other guy jumps out and, SPLAT! The bartender says, "Thats not very nice superman."