My Life

By Sophie Tiller

Just a few details...

Hi, my names Sophie and i'm 21.
Like me or hate me i don't care!!!

I'm a mummy to the gorgeous Olivia who is my world, shes the bravest baby i know and i will give her my everything. 
Liv has been through so much and i will continue to show her throughout her life how proud i am of her, how much i love her and how she puts the beat in my heart.
                                                          x~x~x Love You Princess! x~x~x
                                                         
I have taken sooo much shit in my life its unreal but my baby will keep me strong and if people ruin my life i will give all i got to throw it back in there faces, no-one hurts me and gets away with it anymore.
I have an amazing family and some amazing friends and the best Social Worker & Support Worker i could ever ask for, I couldn't live my life without them all. xxx

Things i like
1) Probably not you so don't speak to me...
2) People who actually give a shit and don't just pretend to
3) Walking
4) Pointless things

Favorite bands

  Goo Goo Dolls        Evanescence         Avril Lavigne
                             
                                      

       G'n'R                   Pink                   Moby        Bruce Springsteen
                                   



Favorite films

Girl Interrupted    Prozac Nation    Dirty Dancing        Top Gun            Gothika
                                                                                            



Favorite books

Prozac Nation - Elizabeth Wurtzel
Suicide Junkie - S.Westwood


Quotes i like

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.
                                                                                
It's better to be hated for who you are then loved for who
you're not                                                                     

I know what its like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt your self on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. 
                                                                                   
I’m not completely worthless, I could be used as a bad example
                                                                           
A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting next to you saying, "that was fucking awesome!!!
                                                                                     
Quod me nutrit me destruit
                                                                          
Spend hours of my life dead,then i realize i never died,i was always here,just not alive.

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional

Tell me u dont take that blade, and drag it accross your skin and prey for the courage to press down



More boring pointless stuff....
Fav colours.. Black & Pink
Fav food...Pasta and Jacket Potatoes
Fav Feature...My right wrist
Fav place... Our field
Fav time of day...When Im sleeping and not dreaming

Hate... Green manky stuff
Hate... Being ignored
Hate... Doctors
Hate... Feet
Hate... Crane flys and big spiders 



                                                                           

Some Poems...

If it wasn't for you
To Gareth and Gina

You give me the platform,
so i can stand tall,
You give me the strength,
to fight through it all.

You give me a shoulder,
when i need to cry,
You are the reason,
i will not die.

You show me the good parts,
in all that i do,
I'd fall to pieces,
if it wasn't for you.

You lift me up,
everytime i fall,
Without your help,
i'd be nothing at all.

You never ignore me,
your always there,
It means so much,
to know that you care.

Your the only living sole,
I could tell my life to,
I never thought i could,
but i trust in you.

You may not have all the answers,
but you seem to know the way,
To guide me through the darkness,
and get me through each day.

So i want to say thank you
For all that you do,
i might not show it,
but i appreciate you!


Saved me
To Gina and Gareth

Its all broken,
and I feel alone.
This life is a disease
un-curable.
Un-fixable.
But you are there,
all throughout the day
every time
I loose my way.

You are there
even to offer reassurance,
I feel alone,
but I’m never alone
somebody cares.

It’s a whole war,
The biggest disaster.
In my thoughts,
it lives in my mind.

And should I doubt
my ability
to fight through it,
you are there,
And you always care,
you never let me,
suffer alone.

And I have lived in a world
of silence,
I have faced it all alone,
but now it is all...
let loose,
you know my life,
you know of the pain
and guilt.
I turn to see that you are still there..

How comes your still there?

No matter what I tell you,
and no matter what I do,
You never let go,
you fight with me,
your always at my side,
your always there,
you always care.

So I just wanted to say,
although words won’t ever be enough,
that you to me are a saviour,
I have never trusted
another living sole,
as much as I have you.
If I had to fight this alone again
I know I couldn‘t.
Without you
I know I would fall apart.
Its just a shame,
that you won’t ever know
just how much you have saved me
and I don’t think I could begin to tell you.

So this is a way
for me to say to you,
I will thank you for all of eternity,
for everything you do.



Road-side
The tears I cry are broken,
And the shadows i form lie dead,
The sound in my mouth is choking,
And the visions all lie in me head.

The people around me are talking,
My body is dead on the ground,
Cars are wizzing over me,
but I cannot make a sound.

Feeling the feeling that I might be dead,
I hear the voices in my head,
I cant scream But you cant even hear,
Look down at me, see my fear!

Trampled by tramps,
how low can you go,
Flattened by cars,
on a two way road.

Smothered with mud,
And gushes of blood.

Sirens whirring over my lifeless body,
I lie still as they drive straight by,
As I lie there dead,
I ask myself why?

Once upon a time I was here,
I lived a happy life with no fear,
You saw me then,
but you dont see me now,
I've lost my life as i was never found.


Colour
I see a blue reflection,
off my darkened soul,
it sends thick rays of brightness,
Showing my lack of control.

A strong and forceful glow
that shines bright into my eyes,
Shield myself from the light,
shining form the skies.

My eyes water
they can no longer stand the rays,
the strength throbs my head,
and leaves me lots of pain.

I see a blue reflection
That's buried within me,
No more flicking colours,
just the blueness out at sea.

An everlasting feeling,
no shadows will ever change
so shine on bright light,
as my life will stay the same.


If only
If only you could experience what I have become,
If only you knew,
How it feels to WANT to die,
To cut and overdose,
To have to fight to get out of bed everyday.
Do you feel my pain?
My sadness and hate,
I hate myself,
And there’s nothing that anyone can change.
I can’t tell you how much it hurts,
To sleep through flash back dreams,
To visualize the past.
If only you knew,
Then you might understand,
my pain.
The fear sickens me,
the thoughts shrivel me up,
The pictures haunt me,
But you don’t know.
I want to DIE,
I have no future,
Why live?
Let me go,
Please don’t be hurt,
I just cant face the world anymore.
If only you knew.