REMEMBRANCES OF THE PAST

A soft fragrance filled the air, as silver rays of moonlight shone upon Frodo's face. A deep sigh passed his lips as he looked to Sam while he rode along his side. His face seemed long and distant as though the thoughts of days passed had come to his mind once again. Frodo watched him as they rode until a passing glance from Sam drew his eyes away. It pained him to look into Sam's eyes for they held much sorrow with the memory of their quest. Yet in days to pass he told himself, they would be full of joy once again, for they were but a stone's throw from Rivendell and soon enough the day would come when their path would lead them back to the Shire.

As they came over the moors the deep valley of Rivendell was alight, as lamps burning brightly within Elrond's house, awaiting their homecoming. As they came down the hill and crossed over the bridge, sweet voices rung into the air like bells announcing their arrival. Soon they came to the doors and as they went inside, they were surrounded with laughter and joy at their return. Through all the smiles and greetings Frodo looked on in search of the only one he truly wished to see. As he parted through the gathering crowd he took his hood down from his head as Sam came back to his side. Merry and Pippin seemed lost in other business so he went on through the hall in search of Bilbo. He and Sam soon found him all alone within his room sitting before a small bright fire. He looked very worn and old, but peaceful as he slept soundly in his chair. Frodo and Sam came in quietly stepping over papers littered upon the floor. Pens and pencils were scattered about and as they came near, Bilbo opened his eyes and smiled.

“My dear Frodo.” He said, holding out his arms. “You've come back my lad! So much time it seems has passed since you were last within my embrace.”

“Much time indeed dear Uncle.” Frodo said as he came to Bilbo taking him into his arms. “It is so nice to see you again. I have missed you so while I was away.”

“As I have you my lad.” Bilbo said as he patted Frodo's back. “I have wondered as the days gone by when at last you would return but now here you are and with Sam as always.”

“Aye.” Frodo said with a smile as he turned back to look at Sam. “We both have had our fair share of adventures along the way, but he has always been there for me, even in the darkest of hours. You should thank him for my safe return.”

Sam blushed and turned away trying not to show his reddened face but Bilbo smiled and passed Sam a wink as he stood to his feet.

“Always putting others before yourself.” Bilbo said as he came towards Sam. “You have always had a big heart my friend.”

“And appetite as well!” Frodo chuckled as Bilbo put his hand on Sam's shoulder.

“That too.” Bilbo laughed as he patted Sam's arm. “But come now; let us sit with old friends. There will be plenty of time to tell me about your journey in days to pass. I would so much like to see Gandalf and Merry and Pippin once again.”

“And so you shall.” Frodo said as Bilbo came to his side. Frodo then took Bilbo by the arm and led him from his room while Sam followed closely behind.

The following day brought the celebration of Bilbo's birthday as well as Frodo's. Much merriment was to be had but Frodo grew distant, withdrawn from all the festivities. He sat alone with his thoughts watching as Bilbo shared laughter with Merry and Pippin, and raising his glass to Sam as they took down a drink of ale. Yet time and again a soft smile would come across Frodo's lips when Sam would pass him a glance across the table. He did not wish to show that his memory had gone back to vile times where he choked for air at the foot of Mount Doom . Back to the moment where Gollum had bitten his finger from his hand. Frodo closed his eyes and sighed deeply as he rubbed his right hand with his left trying to pass the thought from his mind. Frodo then heard Sam call his name and he came back to the present, surrounded by laughter and smiling faces as he opened his eyes. Sam looked at Frodo, his eyes large with concern and Frodo knew. He could see the hurt Sam felt deep within just knowing that the memories had returned. Frodo stood to his feet and looked to Sam as he too began to come up from his chair. He shook his head gently bidding Sam not to come for he needed a moment alone away from the noise and joy around him. Something within him ached and he just wanted to make it go away.

After the celebration all four Hobbits stayed in Rivendell for a few days to pass, keeping them all within Bilbo's company. Many nights were spent in his room before the fire as they shared all they could remember of their journeys and adventures. Frodo sat silent through their reminiscing while he fingered his white jewel that hung around his neck. He often found comfort while it was within his touch and he seemed to need it more as Sam began to tell his cousins about their ordeal at Cirith Ungol. As Sam went on, Bilbo pretended to take some notes; but he often fell asleep causing Merry and Pippin to laugh as his head nodded to his chest. They soon took leave, letting their companion stay within the comforts of his chair as he rested peacefully. Yet Frodo stayed behind as Sam left laying his hand upon Frodo's shoulder as he whispered goodnight. Frodo looked to Sam and smiled patting his hand before he took it away from his shoulder as he left the room. Sam closed the door softly leaving Frodo with Bilbo where he too soon fell asleep in his chair beside his Uncle.

In the passing of four days Frodo awoke to find a thin veil of front upon the window. The grass and the leaves shone with crystal dew as the sun slowly came over the distant horizon, welcoming the dawning morn. It was then that he knew he must return to the Shire and bid his dear Uncle a fond farewell. October had come, and the bitter winds of winter would soon be at hand. There were many more days to ride ahead, but it was not the reminder of the weather that bid Frodo's heart to leave, it was his longing for the Shire, for home, and Sam shared it. Frodo sighed and came down from his bed, taking notice that Sam was already in the room sitting in an old wooden rocking chair, staring blankly into the fire that was lit within the gold trimmed hearth. Sam was often there when Frodo woke, checking in on him to see if he was well, sometimes coming in the middle of the night and staying until the morn. Frodo did not mind. It was a comfort to know that Sam was still willing to stay at his side after all they had been through. Frodo then sat across from Sam, listening while he softly hummed to himself. There Frodo sat listening until Sam finally took notice of him, blushing when he noted that he was being watched.

“Sorry if I woke you.” Sam said softly as he shuffled in his seat. “I came in early this morning to see if you were awake but I found you still sleeping. Did you sleep well last night Frodo?”

“I did.” Frodo quietly replied. “Better than I have in many nights past. It seems I have finally found peace here.”

“Aye, I don't think we've come across a more peaceful place than this.” Sam replied smiling. “There is much peace here, more than anyone should ever need. Everything in the whole of Middle Earth seems to be right around each corner of the valley, but yet, there is this feeling inside me saying that we should leave soon.” Sam said as he looked to Frodo with a sigh. “Something tells me all is not well at home.”

Frodo was silent as he looked away from Sam almost as if he was lost in a dream. He clutched tightly to his gem, as his face seemed to grow wet with tears.

“Everything except the sea.” Frodo whispered to himself, looking a bit pale as he clutched his hand tightly around the jewel that hung from his neck. The turn then seemed to pass as Frodo took his hand away from his gem letting it fall to his chest as Sam touched his hand to his dear friend. Frodo smiled and sighed deeply. He truly did have a special friend and companion.

That evening Merry and Pippin came with Sam and Frodo to Bilbo's room to give their aging friend their well wishes, for the following morning they would leave for the Shire with Gandalf riding at their side. A few tears were shed but all in all Bilbo was still in good spirits.

“It is such a shame to see you leave so soon.” Bilbo said putting his hand on Frodo's shoulder. “Things began to feel as though they did when you were still with me at Bag End. It was just a comfort knowing that you were about Frodo my lad. It will not be the same without you here.”

“Nor will it be the same for us.” Frodo softly replied. “But it is time I return to the Shire. I would love to stay here with you uncle, but it just can not be so.”

“Yes, that is how it must be I guess.” Bilbo sighed. “But before you go, sit with me for a moment by the fire and share some stories of your adventures so that I may include them in the Red Book one day. They all then went to the fire sitting within its warmth, sharing a bit of song as the night drew on. Frodo sat near the window listening as Merry and Pippin talked with Bilbo and Sam. His thoughts had seemed to stray again as he looked out into the evening sky. He reached his hand to his chest and held onto his gem while everyone spoke softly around him. Frodo closed his eyes taking in a deep breath as whispers began to fill the air. Frodo then heard Bilbo call out his name and he opened his eyes turning towards his uncle.

“We've been talking my lad and something came to mind.” Bilbo said softly. He then grew silent looking as if he was trying to remember what it was he wanted to ask. He then leaned forward in his chair towards Frodo, his expression growing curious.

“What's become of my ring Frodo, the golden one which you took away? Is it still there around your neck? Is it within your hand? Is that what you've been holding onto since you've arrived?”

Frodo sighed and opened his fingers from around his gem. It fell from his grasp and Bilbo watched as Frodo pulled his hand away setting it on his knee.

“I was sent away to get rid of it if you remember dear Uncle.” Frodo said softly.

“Get rid of it I should say!” Bilbo exclaimed, pointing to Frodo's right hand. “You not only got rid of it but also the finger on which it rode? Tell me now; I knew nothing of this in all I have heard of your tales, yet to this day. What happened to you my lad?”

Frodo looked away and Sam stood up, sitting next to Frodo, gently putting his hands on his shoulders. The memory was still too near and Frodo had no will to tell the story on his own.

“Go on Sam.” Frodo said softly. “You can say what came to pass. I was lost within my own madness and you remember it more so than I.”

“You sure Mr. Frodo?” Sam replied. “I don't want to stir up those foul memories again.”

“I'm sure, go on now. I will sit here and listen. All will be well.” Frodo said.

Sam sighed deeply and then turned towards all watchful eyes, and he began telling of what came to be as they stood above the cracks of Mount Doom ; the smell of the fire that burned below them and of the vile creature Gollum. He told of their escape and of the great eagle Gwaihir coming down and carrying them away. Sam told of how he thought, at that moment that he was rising into the heavens with Frodo at his side. Then as he awoke he thought it all merely a dream but as he saw Frodo resting peacefully at his side his full memory flooded back to him. It was then he knew that it had all happened, however like a dream it all seemed. All eyes were fixed upon him the whole while he spoke until at last he grew silent looking to Frodo at his side. He had turned his face away, looking out the window once more but Sam knew he was still troubled with it all. Merry and Pippin then bid everyone a good night for Bilbo had nodded off, his eyes finally giving in to long desired sleep. Sam stayed behind sitting with Frodo until he finally turned away from the window with a faint smile upon his lips. The evening soon deepened in the room and the firelight burned brighter. Frodo and Sam looked at Bilbo as he slept and saw that his face was smiling, and Sam wondering if by chance he was dreaming of his own adventure from ages past. One he only wished he could have again. For some time they sat in silence. Sam looked around the room as the shadows flickered upon the walls and then to Bilbo's desk filled with clutter with and stacks of papers.

“I don't think he's done much writing while we've been away Mr. Frodo.” Sam said softly. “He won't ever write our story now.”

At that instant, Bilbo opened an eye, almost as if he had heard. Then he sat up in his chair and yawned as he stretched his arms out before him.

“You see, there I go nodding off again.” Bilbo said. “When I have the time to write Sam, I will write, but as of late I only really like writing poetry.”

“Then who will write our story?” Sam replied.

“I wonder.” Bilbo began. He then looked to Frodo and a smile came to his face. “Frodo, my dear fellow, could you fetch for me the wooden box I have there under my bed.” Frodo then stood to his feet and made his way to Bilbo's bed, kneeling down to the floor to reach beneath it, pulling out a rather flat wooden box with copper hinges. Frodo brought it up into his hands and stood up, walking back towards Bilbo, placing the box upon his lap.

“There now, yes, this is it.” Bilbo replied, unlatching a small embellished catch on the lid. Bilbo then opened it with a smile, motioning for Frodo to come near.

“Here my lad. Before you go, I meant to pass this on to you.” Bilbo stated while handing Frodo a rather large red leather bound book. “It's my own story from my adventures with the dwarves ages past. Go now, take it. Collect all my notes and papers, and my diary too. Take them with you, if you will. I haven't had much time for the selection and arrangement and all that. After you're through add your own story and get Sam to help you too.”

“I can't take this dear Uncle.” Frodo said softly, handing the book back to Bilbo. “This was written by your hand and it should be finished by your hand as well.”

“Nay.” Bilbo replied sternly, pushing the book back towards Frodo. “You will find many blank pages, more than enough for a tale such as yours. My time will soon near and my hand is no longer steady enough to keep to so much writing. I meant to leave it to you on my passing, but now is as good as any other time to put it in your hands.”

“Then I shall keep it, and do with it as you wish.” Frodo said with a slight bow.

“Thank you my dear Frodo.” Bilbo said with a smile. “That really is a very great relief to my mind.” Bilbo then grew silent, watching as Frodo placed the book down on a chair before making his way around the room, slowly gathering up everything he could find that was written in Bilbo's hand. Bilbo then sighed and looked to Sam. He was sitting in his chair looking down to his hands as they lay in his lap.

“You've taken good care of him Sam.” Bilbo said quietly. “He could not have made it as far as he did without you by his side.”

Sam looked up from his lap and passed a smile to Bilbo. He then looked over to Frodo as he stood before Bilbo's desk looking through some books.

“We have been far.” Sam softly replied. “We've seen a great deal and we've pulled each other out of a mess our two but I don't think it is all me; if you get my meaning. Frodo has a strong will and a pure heart. That is what helped us too I believe.”

“Aye, a heart as strong and as pure as your own Sam.” Bilbo said as he watched Frodo gather up some more papers. “I remember the day the two of you first met after he came to live with me. So many years have since gone by. Those days seem fresh in my mind as if they happened yesterday. Do you remember them too Sam?”

“That I do.” Sam sighed. “I was just a wee lad if I remember right. I came with my gaffer to the garden to get some roses after my mum passed. I always thought the roses in your garden were the loveliest in the Shire, and it was all the better that my gaffer was the one tending to them. I couldn't stop crying the whole time we were there and then you came out and took me in your arms. You told me that your nephew was there staying with you and that he too had lost his mum. I looked up and there he sat in the study looking up from his book into my eyes. He seemed to put me at ease and that is when my father led me away back to home. That night Frodo came knocking on the door and my gaffer answered it. He told me to come and I did. Frodo then kneeled down to me and placed a small rose bush in my hands. Then he said that he knew the pain that was in my heart for he had once known it too. Frodo said the roses would remind me of my mum for they reminded him of his own. From that day on we were inseparable . I would come by when my gaffer was at work in your garden. He showed me books and taught me a few of my letters as did you.” Sam said smiling. “Those were good days but they have gone now with the shadows of the past.”

“Yet their memory still holds strong.” Bilbo replied. “You must keep them with you to overshadow the harsh memories that linger from your journey past. Frodo too. He seems to be troubled with them though he tries hard not to show it. Keep reminding him of all the good things and he will be himself again. You will see.” Frodo then came and sat down next to Sam with a pile of papers in his hands. He put them in his lap and looked to Sam and Bilbo. Sam's face seemed wet with fallen tears as he looked to Bilbo and smiled.

“What were you talking about while I was up and around?” Frodo asked looking at Bilbo.

“Just you.” Sam said softly. “Remembering days long passed. Happier times from when we were young.” Frodo then smiled and handed Sam the papers as he took Bilbo's book upon into his hands. He stood to his feet and Sam followed in turn coming to his side.

“Well it is time we go to our beds.” Frodo replied as he turned to the door. “The night has grown long and there is so much to do at the first light of the new day.”

“I expect to see you with the ‘morrow Frodo.” Bilbo replied as Frodo and Sam walked away. “You can not leave without one last goodbye.”

“That I won't.” Frodo said smiling. “Goodnight dear Uncle. Sleep well.” With that Frodo and Sam went out the door and closed it behind them leaving Bilbo to rest peacefully in his chair.

With the rising of the sun the following morning, Frodo came to Bilbo's room and found him still sleeping in his chair before the smoldering fire. He came in silently trying not to wake him but Bilbo's eyes quickly opened as Frodo sat down beside him.

“Hullo Frodo!” Bilbo said through a deep yawn. “Seems I never made it to bed myself. Did you sleep well last night?”

“As good as can be expected. My head was full of many thoughts but I managed to find some sleep within the night.” Frodo replied.

“Better some sleep than none though I say. But this is finally it.” Bilbo said with a sigh. “Time for our last goodbye.”

“It is.” Frodo quietly whispered. “I can not say that I will not miss you, but I shall try to come this way again. If not, please say that you may perhaps find your way down the road to the Shire once again.”

“That I may.” Bilbo replied. “So until then I bid you farewell Frodo my lad. Bilbo then leaned over his chair and took Frodo into his arms as a tear fell from his eye. “Take care and listen to anything that Sam tells you.”

“I shall.” Frodo said as he came away from his uncle's arms. “He is all I'll have left in this world after you are gone.”

Bilbo smiled and put his hand on Frodo's shoulder before he stood back to his feet. Frodo put his hand over his uncle's and patted it softly as he stood up and looked to the door. He then walked away looking back one last time as he came to the doorway.

RETURN TO THE SHIRE