Manchester Outright
A Social and Support Group for GLBTQ Youth
I think I might Be Gay
What does it mean to be gay?
Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to and fall in love with other men. Their sexual feelings toward men are normal and natural for them. These feelings usually emerge when they are boys and continue into adulthood.
It is said that one out of ten people is gay or lesbian. This means that in any large group of people, there are usually several gay people present. However, you cannot tell if someone is gay unless he or she wants you to know. Although gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people blend in with the crowd, they often feel different from other people.
How do I know if I'm gay?
You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don't have to decide how to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Most adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty, usually between 11 and 15, when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways. Your sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you will figure out who you are and to whom you're attracted.
Boys and men who are gay find that over time their attraction to boys and men gets more clearly focused. You may find yourself falling in love with a classmate or developing a crush on a particular man. You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two. By age 16 or 17, many gay, lesbian, bi, and trans young people start thinking about what to call themselves, while others prefer to wait.
If you are ready to learn more, start by reading. Please know that not all books about gay people are supportive. You may also call the UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center where you can talk about your feelings anonymously and where you will receive information about organizations and people who can help.
Am I normal?
Yes, you are normal. It's perfectly natural for people to be attracted to members of their own sex. But it's not something that's encouraged in our society. Many people push away these feelings because of prejudice against gay, lesbian and bisexual people.
Most scientific experts agree that a person's sexual orientation is determined at a very young age, maybe even at birth. It's normal and healthy to be yourself, whether you're gay or straight. What's really important is that we learn to like ourselves
What is it like to be gay?
There's no right way or wrong way to be gay. Because of society's stereotypes about gay and bisexual men, you might think you have to be a certain way if you're gay. But gay and bi men come in all shapes and sizes, from all occupations, and with all levels of education.
Because of homophobia and prejudice, some people don't accept lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender people. We sometimes suffer from discrimination and violence. That's why there are many gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender organizations that work for our civil rights.
Who should I tell?
Coming out is the process of accepting yourself as a gay or bi man and figuring out how open you want to be about your sexual orientation. Unfortunately not everyone you know will think that being gay is so terrific. It's hard to know who can handle the information and give you support. Some friends may accept you. Some may turn away from you or tell other people without your permission. Telling family can be very difficult. Some families are very supportive. But some lesbian and gay youth have been kicked out of their homes when their parents found out.
It's important to have someone to talk to because it's not normal or healthy for young people to have to keep secret such an important part of their lives.
What about sex?
People aren't encouraged in our society to talk openly about sex, but it's important that we communicate about whether we feel ready to have sex or not, about what we like and don't like to do sexually, and different expectations we may have about relationships. It's very important to talk about whether we're at risk for HIV, the virus that is thought to cause AIDS, or other sexually transmitted diseases, like herpes.
How do I learn to like myself?
All people have a right to feel good about themselves. We're all valuable human beings. Developing self-esteem is very important. It's hard for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender young people to feel good about ourselves because all around us are people who believe that we're sick or perverted or destined to live unhappy lives. When we think we have to hide who we really are, we may feel isolated, fearful, and depressed, especially if we've had no one to talk to about our sexual orientation.
More and more, we as young gay and bi men are learning to like who we are. It helps to read good books about gay people - books that have accurate information and are written about gay and bi men who are leading fulfilling lives. The UCLA LGBT Center has a lending library of many heloful books. It also helps to meet other men like us because then we find out that gay and bisexual men are as diverse as any other group of people.
It can help to say to yourself, "I'm gay and I'm okay." Remember: it's normal and natural to be gay, just like it's normal and natural for some people to be heterosexual.
If you think you have been a victim or an observer of hate incidences or hate crimes, please report it now.
