I used to be bulimic [and anorexic] in summer of 2005, and I tried to stop, but I picked it back up again.  BELIEVE ME it is so much easier if you just stop eating than to binge and purge, anyways.  You enjoy food in a different why when you don't have it for a few days, it doesn't taste the same.  If you make a mistake, it is okay, just tell yourself that you will do better next time.

I am not a big fan of bulimia anymore.  And anorexia wouldn't be something I am totally in, I guess I am a mix of both.  Once your stomach shrinks, by not eating much, YOU WONT BINGE, but you will feel like it because it is what you are used to.  Like biting your nails, if your fingers are not there you won't do it and slowly get off the habit [poor example but the only thing I can think of].  My usual intake in calories is 300 per day, sometimes more sometimes less when I have been good.  Now that is not much taking into consideration that me being lazy and small burns about 2,000 calories a day.  But this isn't about calories you consume, it is also about fat, protein, etc.

I have a lot of experience and true knowledge about medical information, so if you have questions, email me and I can answer them, or take the long way out and look it up somewhere else.

My Personal Life

I am a 17 year old girl who just wants to feel good about herself.  I know self confidence can be found in anyone, no matter their color, age, or size... but my self confidence will not come until I am at a weight I feel comfortable with.  I move around a lot because of renting, and live in the north-eastern part of the United States.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now (we started in February) and he is my true thinspiration!  For a tall guy that weighs 130ish, he deserves to be!  I tell him about everything that goes on in my life, even about anorexia, and he is totally supportive even though he hates it most of the time.  I know he gets all over my case (in a loving way) when I tell him I am going to purge in the toilet, he just says he doesn't want to hear it.  He claims he loves me just the way I am, but sometimes I don't believe him.  I know three years ago, I weighed about 130, and I am trying to get back down past that... 'Tis hard!  Him and I are planning to get married soon... my baby!  I love him so, and I know he loves me... 

I have not been anorexic/bulimic for many years, and I don't quite know how I got into it.  It is almost like it grew on me... a little meal skip here, a meal skip there, to try to lose weight (of course this has been happening for over 5 years), and before I knew it, I was fasting and puking in the toilet.

Of course, when my boyfriend (he is the ONLY one who knows) claims he is going to leave me because of my eating disorder, I get so depressed.  Most would say, "Hello!?  Take the man, leave the eating disorder behind," it is just not that easy.  It isn't like a switch you can turn off and on.  I am just here in life to survive, and if this is what keeps me going, so be it.  Maybe if I get into a real danger zone from this, I will get some help, but until then, I will be here.