I had my monthly visit and follow up with Dr. Stratigouleas this morning. As always, the office was crowded and over booked. My wait was over an hour; however, that is a matter for an entirely different blog.
We talked about the surgery on my tongue and how Dr. Henni had “really taken a divot out”. It was all positive then Strat went where he had not gone in a long time. He became very cautious and deliberate in his conversation with and about me. A tone he hasn’t used with me since last year.
We went over percentages and survival rates for ‘primary unknown’ to a ‘designated site’ cancer patient such as me. While informative, it was alarming that he was bringing up this conversation again after such a long positive period. I either looked inquisitive or I may have directly asked, I do not recall which, but somehow we finally got to the bottom line. I am doing and “recovering nicely” as he put it; but I need to be realistic. I have been and continue to be sick. I have cancer and I will be fighting it for a long time.
I all of a sudden remember how I felt when I first got under his care. Here is a direct doctor who doesn’t mind scaring the hell out of me. If it is possible to ‘love’ your doctors, I do. I have my life to thank, to 3 men. When they talk to me, I listen.
While I am not totally sure what he was trying to invoke in me this morning, I will attempt to face it head on as I always have.
For some reason, I wanted you all to know.
Every one of my kids has made me proud to be their father. There is always a special moment in each of their lives that make a difference and lets you know that what you have done, even though they may have rebelled against it, did make a difference. In many ways, it can be the most rewarding experience you can have in life.
Aaron came into my life at the age of 15. I felt at that time that he was his own person and as such, had his own identity. His name had been given and he would make his own way in the world as Aaron Davis. I felt no need to place my own name and brand upon him as I would always worry about how he may have reacted if I had changed his last name to mine. That was several years and tears ago.
Yesterday saw the birth of his child, a son to him and my fifth grandchild. As with the birth of a child, I was much moved and felt blessed that there was yet another story just beginning its life. That is not the moment I wish to tell you about, however.
Several months ago, Aaron had told me he had made a decision and that he wanted to change his last name to mine. I was very touched, then time passed and it wasn’t really mentioned again. Yesterday, awaiting the birth of his child, he asked if I would go with him to court and be there for his name change, which had to get done. I said sure and asked why he needed to do it when he had other things to take care of. He told me it was because he had only so long before the birth certificate had to be filled out. It was not only his choice to take my last name, but he was going to pass that name along to my new grandson.
Like I sad, every one of my kids at some point have done, said or provided some sort of way to let me know that they thanked me for being their father and sticking by them through their life. Aaron has provided me with an especially pleasing and proud moment. Although I have always thought of him as my son, he has told me in no uncertain terms that he is my son and that Xandier is my grandson; both in spirit and in name.
From my family past and to my unknown future family, welcome and I love you all. Thank you Aaron, this morning meant a lot.
The Aptivia HealthCare man just came by to get my 'Kangaroo' feeding machine this morning. Talk about a love hate relationship with something. I so hate my feeding tube and being hooked to that infernal machine. However, it did keep me alive when I needed it. So, in sort of an odd way, I watched a trusted part of my live over the last year walk out of my life. In a positive way, I do not need it nor the tube really anymore. I have a f/u with Dr. Strat this Friday morning and should get the final ok from him to have the tube removed as soon as I can. I can not tell you how happy this event will make me and it marks a true milestone in my recovery. Goodbye Kangaroo and thank you so much for keeping me alive.
The Aptivia HealthCare man just came by to get my 'Kangaroo' feeding machine this morning. Talk about a love hate relationship with something. I so hate my feeding tube and being hooked to that infernal machine. However, it did keep me alive when I needed it. So, in sort of an odd way, I watched a trusted part of my live over the last year walk out of my life. In a positive way, I do not need it nor the tube really anymore. I have a f/u with Dr. Strat this Friday morning and should get the final ok from him to have the tube removed as soon as I can. I can not tell you how happy this event will make me and it marks a true milestone in my recovery.
Goodbye Kangaroo and thank you so much for keeping me alive.
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