I have officially declared today as my day of self pity. It is a day for me to feel jealous, frustrated, depressed, and basically wallow in self pity.

First things first, Sabley. Sabley rides horses and take lessons, but was recently told that she needed to take two lessons a week in order to do the fancy stuff. This costs something like $400 a month, which she can not afford right now. So she decided to look into modeling [she is pretty] as a way to make extra money. She signed up as an extra or something for John Robert Powers. [I have a history with them. I went to a private casting call sort of thing for their agency. It was narrowed down to like 10 people who all had experience, and I was one of them. I got call back and I could have started a career, but my parents wouldn't let me take it.] Well, today they called her and told her that they were inviting her to a private audition. Some agent was coming up from California [they told me the same thing] and was looking for new people for Nickelodeon shows. And they want her to come.

Don't get me wrong. I am beyond excited for her. Seriously. It is so cool. But at the same time, I'm upset. Sabley doesn't even like acting. Let's face it, she can't act most of the time. [No diss to her because a ton of people can't act.] But me? I love acting. I've dreamed about acting on stage or in movies or on TV for years. I've taken the expensive classes, gotten certificates, gone to casting calls, taken headshots, written resumes, narrowly missed the cut....everything. I was "in the business" to some extent for like four years and I loved it. The only reason I got out of it was because my studio closed down and I just never went anywhere with it. Sabley does this on a whim, to get money, and gets something within a week.

It's just not fair. I've never forgiven my parents for not letting me take the call back from John Robert Powers. They [the people at JRP] told me I could go to the same private audition next year, but I didn't believe them. If I turned them down once, they are not going to waste their time on me. And I was right. The next year, I waited for a phone call and nothing came. I was so pissed at my parents.

I'm literally sitting here as the screen blurs because I care this much. I'm never going to get another chance. Sabley has no idea what it's like, being in front of the camera, working on the same monologue for three months. Practicing so hard for one audition that could change my entire life and then not getting it, finding out I did absolutely terribly. Why? Why does she get this opportunity when she doesn't even want it?

There's a big chance she might be noticed. She's not your typical beauty because it's not natural [no offense; I'm not exactly a beauty either], but with her makeup on and her hair done she looks extremely gorgeous. They're not going to know that she can't act... If she gets chosen and actually makes it, which could always happen, I'm going to flip. How do I support her, which I want to do, while still wanting to give anything to switch places?

The second reason for self pity isn't as big. Today, my friend Annie got asked out! She has liked this guy allllllll year long and he finally asked her out at the end of the school day. I am so excited for her! She is the first of our group to really get asked out. A few others have gone out with people, but one was a loser, and the other two didn't even go to our school. This is nothing like the Sabley thing, because I'm not jealous or frustrated or saying that it's not fair. It's just that I kind of wish the same thing was happening to me.

There's my reasons for self pity. Pretty pathetic, I know. But I can't help it. Okay, that's not true. I probably could help it. But I am choosing not to. Because that is what cynics do.

xoxo,
Jey

I hate being a teenage girl.

[That was me ignoring the fact that I have been absent from the website world for two months.]

All the time, I make fun of the stereotypical teenage girl who has a crush. But I have become one and it makes me hate myself. It's not like I turn to jello thinking of him. Or that I flirt with him. Hell, I barely even talk to him. Ever.

Last night I realized that I would see him today for something. And I mean more than just a passing in the halls or at lunch or something. I would be sitting in a room with him for close to an hour. I instantly realized that I had to figure out what I was going to wear. Not get dressed up because I'm not that pathetic, but just make sure that I wore something nice, rather than just throwing on something at the last minute. [I would also like to point out, in my defense, that I had to wake up early this morning so I had to pick out my clothes anyway.] Of course, it had to look pretty good on me too.

Then I realized that not only would I be seeing him, but that today marks the sixth month of crushing. Don't give me that look. I'm not some sort of stalker who knows the exact minute, second, date, and day of the week that I first started liking him. The only reason I know the date is because it was on the same day as a retreat thingy I had. It was at the retreat that I started to sort of like him. Seriously, that's it. I swear.

And then, of course, in typical universe fashion, he wasn't even at the meeting. Can it get anymore ironic [and made for television]? Gah. I hate it. He will never notice me. I am not going to like throw myself at him. Definitely not. But he will never even consider me. He has all these girl friends who are gorgeous. Granted, some of them have boy friends, but I can't compare with them. At least, I'm not going to try. I'm not about to go out and straighten my hair and wear extra makeup and go on a crash diet so I can be as skinny as them. [That was not me dissing them, for they are actually pretty nice people {most of them}.]

But yet I keep remembering these times that made me sure he had to at least know me. The first day of school, for example. Or at the retreat thingy. I'm not gonna go into details because I don't know who reads this, so I'm keeping it pretty annonymous. Gah [again]. I can not wait to get out of this world called the teenage years and get into the real world. Where dating is more open and something that I can deal with. I'm more ready for that than high school romances.

Screw higschool. Screw junior high. Screw everything. Especially my homework and the last six weeks of school. Oh, and of course, screw teenage girls.

Plugs: Sabley, Sarah (x2), Char, Kendra, Kelli.

xoxo,
Jey

.Finally Back.
.03-03-06.

Whew! Finally, I am back up and running with a BEAUTIFUL new layout made by Sabley! I am SOOOOO sorry it took so long to get up. I honestly had it all coded last Saturday, but I couldn't get the comments to work. I just now figured out why. Sorry about that. With this new layout, featuring Trent Reznor from NIN and lyrics from Every Day is Exactly the Same, I took off all the old entries. The older layout is not made yet, but I still wanted to put in to motion the new look. Ten entries will be posted on the main page at a time. Look out for that sometime soon.

Everything has been updated to fit the layout, including comments and guestbook. The About page is up to date, and I added three new pics to the Me page. Please leave me a comment with thoughts about the new layout!

Mid-Winter break was awesome, but really cold. Cannon Beach was gorgeous and the town was old and quaint. The house we stayed at, a beach house owned by her uncle was really big, and totally seventies. There was blue and green shag carpet throughout the ENTIRE house, and the entire kitchen was green. It was like living in the past. I am so glad I didn't live in the seventies. lol. There were some really hot surfer dudes changing in the parking lot at a beach we visited. It was pretty cool. =)

Other than that, this past week has been boring. Homework has been relatively light, which is always good. Dance on Tuesday was TERRIBLE, though. I kept messing up, over and over again, on all sorts of stuff. Some of the things I can fix myself, just by training my body to do the move differently, but one move I can not make my body do. We have to rotate our legs and my hips do NOT want to rotate. My hips have been messed up for a while. I can pop my hip out of its socket, on both hips, but more on one than the other. I don't know if it has anything to do with this problem, but whatever. I try to rotate my leg out, and I get this really bad cramp in my hip and my whole leg tenses up. Whatever the matter is, I am going to fix it, no matter what it takes. I have been practicing these moves every day for a little while, so that I can train my body how to do it. Hopefully that will make class much smoother next week.

Yesterday we threw a surprise birthday party for my friend Annie. Well, it actually didn't end up being that much of a surprise, but it was still fun. Afterwards, we walked over to Sabley's house and played at the park in her neighborhood. I had Sabley's camera and took like a billion pictures. I am really interested in photography, especially abstract. One of the things I love doing is setting up a shot, getting the angle and the light and the contrast. I also love taking abstract pictures, like of shoes or a lone juice box. Those are my favorite. The composition in those is so much fun to work out. I am really proud of the pictures I took. My friend, K, is a natural born model (tall, blonde, gorgeous) and I just took shot after shot of her when she wasn't looking. They are natural pictures and are being added to my portfolio. Sabley was also looking exceptionally pretty and I got some great shots of her, too. I have a lot of other really good pictures that I took at other places, so I am going to get a gallery and put them up. That will take some time, but I will get there.

That pretty much sums up the entire two weeks. Oh, yes, I am starting to really crack down and try and lose weight. I have until mid May, when we are going to Wild Waves with Honor Society. I want to wear a two piece and look GOOD in it. I want to lose 7 pounds, which will be realllllly hard for me, but it is worth a shot. Since I am getting my braces off on Monday, it should be easier because I will be able to eat carrots and celery again, two crunchy things I love. And, of course, more exercise. Bleh, exercise. That takes like...actual energy.

Plugs: Sabley

.Dead Tired.
.02-15-06.

[Edit]Just watched the news. With the wind chill factor, the temperature tomorrow could be ZERO DEGREES. Right now, 20 is sounding pretty good to me.[/Edit]

*Yawn* I am so tired. I was like falling asleep during band today. And then I babysat for four hours, where the kid, who I normally love, was being the biggest brat. Gah, I really hate the age two. Oh! I did find something rather funny. My charge was, once again, watching Thomas the Tank Engine movies and I realized that one of the minor trains was gay! At least, he sounded gay. He had the stereotypical voice and stuff. It was hilarious.

So yeah. I don't have much to say, except that I am EXHAUSTED. And I wanted to update before I left, because I know I will prolly not have time to update tomorrow. Mid-winter break starts Saturday (I consider it starting then) and I am going to Canon Beach with my friend Nicole for the five days we get off this year. Should be fun. So I won't be able to update at all during that time. However, I do have good news! When I come back, expect a new layout! Sabley is going to make me a lovely new layout, that, I promise, will have nothing to do with The O.C. or Ryan Atwood. Can't wait for that.

In my last update I forgot to mention that we got High School Registration packets. Holy crap, it is so scary. I have waited for high school since I got into this godforsaken dump called junior high, and now that it is here...*shudder* There are so many options and it is all so overwhelming. I am this HUGE perfectionist and overachiever and everything that goes along with those. And, for some nerdy reason, I have wanted to go to college ever since I can remember. No college in particular, although Brown has always stood out, just college. So everything I do in high school is going to be to get into the best college I can. Right now, that college is looking like Brown University, an Ivy League school in Rhode Island. I know, I know, Ivy League. Big bucks. But if I keep my perfect G.P.A. and do amazingly well on my SAT scores and join a billion clubs and do a million hours of community service and write an excellent essay, I might have a shot at a full scholorship. Even a half scholorship would be good. Why Brown? Hell if I know. Anyway, the electives I am going to sign up for are:

P.E. (mandatory...bleh)--Dance
French II (two semesters)
Child Psychology I (occupational credit)

And then I have to put down four alternatives, so they are:

Drama (one sem.)
Journalism (one sem.)
Music Technology (one sem.)
Yearbook (two sem.)

I really need to get my first choice, though, because I have to get two semesters of occupational credits. Child Psy. sounds really interesting. It is about kids, up through age 6 in the first class, and how they learn and develop and all that kind of stuff.

One last thing. It is FREEEEEEEZING here right now. Tomorrow the low is supposed to be 18 degrees. The high is 35, but that is supposed to be around midnight, so it will be in the 20's like all day. BRR. I hate cold if there is no snow. But but but!! There is a 10% chance that we will get TWO FEET of snow on Friday. Although this would mean that my trip would prolly be canceled, I love snow so much that I don't care. NY got two feet, but two feet here is way worse than back east. Seattle shuts down with two inches of snow. There are just too many hills and everything gets really icy. Especially where I live, because we are higher up. There is this huge hill that you have go down to get to like the grocery story, school, and it basically connects (without going the back way) all the neighborhoods. When it snows, no one leaves their house because going down that hill doesn't mean you will coming back up.

Plugs: Kelli, Natasha

Don't Hate Me!
.02-11-06.

[Edit]Added a new desktop, seen HERE, and a new icon/avatar, seen HERE. Also updated the Exits section to include where I got the brushes from.[/Edit]

Don't hurt me!

I don't see any axes or guns, so I think it is safe to come out. I am SO sorry it has been like a million years since I updated. I just have not had anything worth blogging about. Actually, I don't have anything worth blogging right now, either. But I figured two weeks was a little pathetic.

Let's see... Last week, on Friday, I had this HUGE speech to give and I totally rocked! I got a 106/100 (10 extra credit points for going first). I was SO nervous though, which is really bizarre because I never get nervous. I wasn't even nervous for my bat mitzvah.

In humanities (language arts/social studies), we are doing a mock congress. We all had to write bills, create a 5-7 minute speech, and then we debate the bill before voting on it. One guy had a bill to legalize gay marriage. That debate was the best EVER. I was so into it. I am a Democrat and I am totally in favor of legalizing gay marriage. I respect those who are not in support of it, but I can't understand why not. This one really religious girl brought up how we are "one nation under God" and by legalizing gay marriage, we will be going against our founding fathers. So I stood up and pointed out that if she was talking about how the Bible says homosexuality is wrong, the Bible also says that slavery is okay and that we should stone people for doing something wrong. And then, later, this same girl gets up and says that "If we put people with anorexia and stuff in hospitals, why are we making it okay for gays? Can't we just fix them, too?" OMFG. How can someone ACTUALLY believe that homosexuality is a mental disease?!?!?!?! She is Mormon and I get that they are really religious, but that is just something I can not respect in any way, shape, or form. Being gay is not something you just learn, or a habit you just pick up. Homosexuality is something you are born with. For God's sake...

Hmm, what else happened? Oh! I went to the orthodontist on Thursday and found out that I am getting my braces off in four weeks!! That is like six months earlier than I was supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SOOO excited. No more braces! I can eat whole apples, and I can eat carmels, and corn on the cob, and and and.....yeah. That made my whole day better.

Last night was the third school dance...Cupid's Dance Party. All week I was planning on going, for some odd reason. I never go to school dances because they are so pathetic. But it was a PTA sponsored dance, and there was that feeling like just MAYBE if I went...you know? Yesterday, though, I was so tired and decided not to go. I went over to Sabley's house with a few friends of mine. They decided to make me over, focusing on my hair, which Sabley can't stand. (She is like the only person in the entire world who is not in love with my curls. =) They washed and conditioned and "mop'd" and sprayed and gelled and god knows what else. And then they blow dried it, and straightened it and, I have to admit, it looks AMAZING. It is actually straight and just a little frizzy and silky and smooth and I can run my hands through it. Unfortunately, I don't have any pics, but I took like 60 pics of them doing my hair and of the bathroom. It took like three hours and I was SO bored. When Sabley sends me the pics, I am going to make a documentary of it. I will post it here when I get done with it.

Pretty much, that was my entire two weeks. Nothing interesting, whatsoever. Wait! That's not true! On Myspace, I updated my layout! I am in LOVE with it. I didn't make the layout because I was too lazy, but everything else is my creation (scroll boxes, pics, etc.) And I added a new pic. BTW--not sure if I have mentioned this before. If you have Myspace and would like to be friends, just add me. I only add people I actually know (or bands), but if we are affiliates or something, I will definitely add you. So yeah. You should go check it out. Something else you should go check out is the chapter I added to my story, located HERE. I don't think I ever explained the novel situation, either.

I am a writer. It is my passion, even more so than acting or singing. I am entering this novel contest in March. In the contest, if you win, you will get to work with an editor to finish the story and possibly get the story published by PUSH, an AWESOME publishing company. Until then, I have it all posted at Fictionpress. It is my best work yet and I hope to win the contest. So yeah, if you feel like reading it, PLEASE go read it and leave me a review. I want to know what people think of it.

That's about it. Oh, yeah. The Seahawks lost the Superbowl (just in case you are totally out of it), which SUCKED. I blame it all on the stupid refs. Yes, I actually watched the ENTIRE game and I was actually enjoying it. Shh, don't tell anyone, but it was the first full football game I ever watched.

Plugs: Sarah, Natasha, Kendra, Samantha

.Nothing New.
.01-29-06.

[Edit]I totally forgot to mention site news! We have a new affiliate! Her name is Jane. You all should go check her site out. Also, I am working on making a layout for my older posts. That way I can only have 10 on the main page, and all my older posts can be kept. It's not like archiving, because that is just waaaaaaaaay too much work. But the layout won't be associated with the main page layout, making it easier to update and such. Keep an eye out for that, if I can get Sabley to help. *pokes* [/EDIT]

Sorry it has been over a week since I updated. It's just that nothing new has been going on in my life. Well, that's not true, but I just kept doing other things. Things that weren't as important as updating, of course, but things nonetheless.

I was sick all week, which really sucked. I had a slight fever for a couple of days, and I was coughing and my throat hurt, but I had to go to to school on Monday and Tuesday because I had math finals and this huge project due. If I wasn't there on Tuesday, then I had to do a totally different project (it was a speech) and my group would hate me. Luckily, Wednesday I was able to take off. It is a three quarters day every week, meaning we get out an hour and a half early. Plus, because it was the first week of the semester, they weren't doing double days (double days are where we only have three classes a day, but each class is 90 min. long) so I wasn't missing much. It was really nice to just stay home and sleep. I ended up sleeping for like 12 hours, which screwed me up the next night when I only got 6. bleh.

Friday was the band lock-in. See, it is this thing between all three bands in my school where we eat pizza and other crap, and hang out for like 5 hours. We aren't able to actually be locked in (thank God), but we still call it. Because I am a band officer (band rep), I had to help plan this stupid thing. These things always suck, but I was actually trying to make it better. Of course, there is this one girl who is just...GRRRR. This one girl was our band president for two years in a row. She is "the dictator", yet when you work with her you find out she isn't a good leader AT ALL. She is only a leader when she wants to be. Leadership is not a part time job. You have to do both the good parts and the bad parts of it. She only likes the good parts. We had like 2.5 hours to set up for the lock in, and four people spent AN HOUR hanging up signs for the obstacle course. And then, because they wasted all that time, they didn't have enough time to plan the other things, which then sucked. I swear, if she ever goes into politics, she will be the deeply corrupted kind. Like Bush, who chooses his friends for everything, despite if they are qualified enough? *shakes head* I just really hate it when people call themselves leaders and then...aren't.

Still, the lock-in was actually pretty fun. We had open mic set up, and Sabley and I actually got up there and sang Hurt by NIN. Well, I sang and she played. Hardly anyone was around, but it was our first actual performance. It was so much fun! The sound system was pretty crappy, so I couldn't really hear Sabley playing, so I watched her fingers and we made it through the entire song that way. We never even practiced together, which is pretty amazing I think.

After the lock in, Alexa and I went over to Sabley's house and hung out. We watched The Birdcage and a couple O.C. episodes, courtesy of moi. lol. Last night I babysat and made $46. More money for the cruise. I felt really bad, though. Around 11, the little girl (2.5 yrs) woke up sobbing. I think she had a bad dream, but she was just sobbing this really scared cry. She wouldn't stop, and I didn't know what to do! I was afraid she would make herself sick, or hyperventilate. So I did what every independent teenager does when things go badly, and called my parents. Of course, just as I called, she stopped crying. There was nothing I could do for the girl, though. It was really sad. (Sabley, have some heart!)

So yeah, that was my week. Nothing happened until this weekend, except homework and being sick, both of which are not very interesting. I'm off to go write a bill for Jefferson County. Yes, we are still working on Washington State. My bill is about keeping septic systems working properly so that the Hood Canal will be healthier. Hey, our teacher said to be creative! What is more creative than septic systems?

Plugs: Jane, Brandy, Kendra, Samantha

My birthday yesterday was GREAT. One of the best EVER. My friends made me feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO loved. I got text messages and phone calls from my old friends. I got giant cards and presents from my new friends. I got birthday wishes from people I hardly ever talk to. I got a freaking Starbucks hot chocolote from Sabley. I decdided to show you all what I got, so I took pics with my crappy little digital camera I got from my neighbors. (That is why they are so grainy.) Click HERE to see them. Sorry it is so crappily set up, but I don't feel like making it look better.

Seriously, I was glowing during the entire day. There's just something about a birthday that makes the whole world better. Besides the fact that everyone has to be nice to you. =) Even my hair worked really well for me. lol.

I went with Sabley to this carnival thing in Fall City, where she used to live. And by carnival, I mean this lame ass thing that the middle school puts on for the parents. They was a raffle and some booths and that was it. But we didn't go for that. Sabley has this major crush on one of her old friends. She has been looking forward to this day since we went back there in June. Six months of her counting down...Well, the whole event turned out terribly. James, the guy she likes, is actually really cool. We went there early and ate at this really good, greasy place called Small Fryes and had shakes. James came and we hung out, until some other people started showing up. I swear, their entire life is a soap opera.

James was going out with this chick named Shelby, who is a total ditz, slut, and a prep. I thought I was going to puke. She flirted with like every guy there. She had the whole shy thing going on, where she has to grab on to the guys because the rest of the world is out to get her. She shrieked, she jumped, she hit (lightly) and she turned her body sideways. Ugh. There is nothing I hate more than stupid girls like that. Anyway, apparently he is still obsessed with Shelby. And Sabley likes James. So we spent the whole evening watching James be miserable, until something happened and Shelby and James were suddenly all over eachother. I was bored for the entire two hours. The people there, besides James and Shelby, were complete pervs. They were like humping each other and being just complete idiots.

I don't know why Sabley puts herself through it. She was totally depressed afterwards, I could tell. She didn't want to leave, yet she was miserable there. I just don't get it. I say just ditch them. They aren't her friends, except maybe James. No one remembers her, no one (honestly) cares, except James. James is the whole reason she puts herself through that hell and it just isn't worth it.

Oh well. What she does is her issue, I just went along for moral support. Came home and my parents had balloons and this cute little stuffed kitty. They can't get me a real one, although I have always wanted one, because my dad is allergic. His name is Thug Muffin, because Sabley and I decided I would name my first cat that. Don't ask. I also got these earrings from my mom that are Jewish stars. They are pretty, but kind of strange. I think they didn't know what to get me. My dad bought me the Bayside CD, which I am listening to right now. I asked for cupcakes, but the only cupcakes had footballs on them, so we had this small, square cake. It was really good, still. My parents took me out to eat at Olive Garden tonight for the birthday dinner and I took Sabley. It was tons of fun. We couldn't stop laughing. And the people sung happy birthday to me and we ate this really good Chocolate Lasagna. Yummmmm. Then we went to this coffee house and watched this girl perform some blues for a while. It was really interesting to watch her.

Overall, I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Honestly. It was amazing. Wanna know what I wished for? I usually wish for something like peace because I don't really have anything to wish for. This year, I wished that I would win the novel contest. And for peace--at home, in the US, in the world. But shhhh, it's a secret.

Plugs: Sabley, Kendra, Kelli, Natasha

.One Year Anniversary.
.01-17-06.

Today is sort of a sad day. This marks the one year anniversary of the death of my grandpa. He was my mom's dad, Wally, and was like 65. They live in Ohio, and it was really cold out. For some reason, he went outside in just his bathrobe over his pjs. No gloves, no shoes, nothing. We assume he went out for the newspaper. His neighbor saw him lying outside on the sidewalk, his face all blue. They rushed him to the hospital. I remember hearing the message my uncle left, something was seriously wrong. All my mom kept saying on the phone was "Oh my God" and crying. I thought he was going to be okay. I honestly did. My uncle said they had a pulse, so I figured he would pull through. I sent my mom off to her doctor appointment and turned on the television. My grandpa died while I was freaking watching TV. My mom called and told me he didn't make it.

We will never really know what killed him. He had a heart attack and fell down the stairs. He hit his head on the railing. Maybe it was that. But he was also out there in the FREEZING cold (when we went back it was -15) for God knows how long. At least a couple of hours. We flew back the next night and the rest is history.

Actually, it's not. They are strict Catholics (my mom converted) and they had an open casket viewing the day before the funeral. It was a Thursday. See, they live in this tiny town. He lived 5 miles from where he was born. He was on the volunteer firemen, the VOW even though he never actually fought, and a huge part of the church. At the same time, his best friend's brother had died the day before. His viewing was in the room opposite from ours. I swear, there must have been 600 people that came through that room. At the later viewing, the line wound through the room, into another room farther back, and outside. It was absolutely crazy. I can not imagine that many people coming to mine...Anyway, the day of the viewing was my birthday. Yup, I basically spent my birthday at a funeral. It was the worst birthday of my life.

The next day was the funeral, which was reallllllllly sad. I have this young cousin who had gotten really close with my grandpa. Since he retired, he had taken her to pre-school and really gotten to know her. So she was all like "Who is going to take me to pre-school?" and crying and having a really hard time. Right before we left the viewing the night before, she came up to me and held out a quarter. She said she wanted to put it in the casket with Grandpa Wally. Know why? She had one just like it at home, so she could always share something with him. Years from now, she will not remember that at all, but I will. I will never forget that.

So yeah, the funeral. It was at his Catholic church, was the driving force for everything my grandpa did. Personally, it was unremarkable, but there was something that stood out. Only two of my uncles stuck with the Catholic church. The other converted to Baptisim and my mom converted to Judisiam. But yet, when they said the final prayer, I can't remember which one, all four were saying it. I looked at my cousin who was Baptist and realized I wasn't the only one totally uncomfortable. It was just...one of those things.

Out of all of this, there was a good thing. My entire life, I have wanted to spend my birthday with my family. Ironically, I got that wish. We all went over to one of the uncle's house and had cake and it was great. Earlier that day, I went out in the snow with my some of my cousins. And when I say snow, I mean SNOW. Not the wimpy kind we get in Washington. We went sledding down their porch stairs and took pictures and...God. It was the best birthday, seriously, ever.

I know that was depressing, but it had been in the back of my mind all day. And, seeing how this is MY blog, I make no apologies for depressing you. lol. So now, stop reading and go find something that doesn't involve death and funerals. Anything will do. Much love.

Plugs: Sabley, Natasha, Sarah

.Not Surprised.
.01-13-06.

Friday the 13th, huh? I'm not really superstitious, so it doesn't really mean anything to me. The only thing I really believe in is knocking on wood. You know, not jinxing things? Everything else is just...I don't know. I've just never bought into it. Especially about black kitty cats. Black cats are the most gorgeous species of cats out there. Anyway, anyone else superstitious? Leave a comment with your superstitions; I'm curious.

Actually, the only thing I have to talk about is how I think something is up. Sabley popped in this morning and asked if I wanted to come over this Sunday to spend the night. We just kinda ask randomly sometimes, and since it is a three day weekend, I was like sure. But then I found out my other friend is planning on having her birthday party that same night. So I told her we were going to that instead. And she got really worried. Like, "Oh no!" I expected it because she hates social things, but then I noticed her exchanging a worried look with my other friend Alexa. Then, later, I saw them talking quietly together. I am probably just being completely paranoid, but my brain keeps screaming "SURPRISE!" We are big on surprise parties in my little "group". The few we have thrown have been, if I must say so myself, big sucesses due to me. I did all the planning (in most cases over one night) and was the one who was the reason to get the person there. What can I say? I am a true actress. lol. So I dunno. Like I said, I'm prolly just totally looking too much into things. I was hesitant about writing this becuase I know Sabley reads this and I don't want her to think I expect a party. Because I don't. *sigh* Grrr. This is so not coming out the way it was supposed to.

I painted my nails a really dark blue--it was the closest to black I could find. I can't explain, but I just feel like I need a drastic change. I'm soooooooo bored with the way I look. But my hair doesn't change. At least, not with taking an extra hour and a half each day, which is just pointless. And I can't afford highlights. Lately, I have been leaning towards a punk vibe. My awesome guitar earrings (one is a guitar, the other is a pick! I get so many compliments on them :D) and my skull bracelet...Even my friend got me this white bracelet with black stripes and the black plastic stretchy bracelets that just scream punk. Imagine ME, punk. I'm the farthest thing from punk like ever. Just my music is punk. How the hell did I get from dark blue fingernails to my label/image/confused identity?

Do they ever lay off the homework? I swear, teachers see three-day weekend and automatically calculate an extra assignment. Next week I have a test on every single day of the week, followed by two days of math finals. Joy. On the bright side, only one more week until my birthday!

Ugh, temple again tomorrow morning. It should be really fun. Oh yeah, tons of fun. LOADS, even. When I come back, expect a rant about religion. Just a head's up and something to look forward. Try to restrain yourself.

Plugs: Sabley

.When You're Rolling Along...
.01-11-06.

So sorry it has been a week since I last updated. I have just had a crapload of homework with this stupid project and the semester coming to close next week. Thank God!!!! One semester down, one to go.

In a quick bit of site news, we have a new affiliate! Welcome Sarah. Her site is really interesting, and she is British! I love having affiliates from other countries. Anyway, go check her site out.

So instead of delighting you in all that is Jefferson County and its 14 people per square mile, I will talk to you about Thomas the Tank Engine. Before you start tying me down to take me to the nice men with the white jackets, just hear me out. I babysit twice a week (so you will hear a LOT about these two adorable kids) for two kids, one eight years and one two years old. The two year old is just starting to talk and is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. You know, that "very useful engine"? He watches the dvds of the shows, plays with the wooden trains, plays with the plastic trains, reads the books, and, lately, says their names constantly. I love this little guy. Like more than I have ever loved a babysitting charge. Probably because I have had the honor of watching him grow from the age of 9 months. But I digress.

Today, when I got there, he hadn't taken a nap yet today. And he had a ton of energy still. Then, in the last thirty minutes that I was there, he started getting really sleepy. So I sat with him and we just watched the movie. I had one arm around him so I couldn't do anything but sit and stare at the screen. I realized how incredibly ridiculous that show is. The main characters are old-fashioned trains that don't actually have any mouths, just these crazy eyes that roll all the time. Everything in the shows are wooden characters, even the people. When they are talking, all you see is their mouth in a shape and the narrarator's voice. (There is only one narrarator for the entire show.) I was wondering how on earth they got the trains to look like they were moving, because they do actually move on the tracks. Oh! And the "troublesome trucks" eyes are just pasted on. The best part of the entire show was Sir Topham Hatt's wife (Sir Topham Hatt is the like overseer.) Sir Topham Hatt and his wife are eating breakfast when he gets a call. He says a sorrowful goodbye to his wife, who we see for a split second. Swear to God, she was the ugliest piece of wood I have ever seen. See?

I know that was completely random, but it was bugging me ever since I got back. Want to know about my life? Sure you do. I got rubber bands for my braces on Monday. You know, the ones that correct your bite? Yeah, they hurt like hell and really annoying. I have to take them out every time I eat. Which could be a good thing, because now I can't just eat whenever, I have to actually be concious about it. Scale, here I come... In other news, I went to my friend's dance recital on Saturday and it totally kicked ass. She was AMAZING. Too bad I don't have that kind of committment, because I could be so much better if I put half as much effort into it as she does. Good news though. I went to dance last night and it was actually really good. I didn't get yelled at and I didn't mess up like a million times. Ugh. This talk is for a totally different entry.

Worst part of the week was getting a C on my math quiz. I knew as soon as I walked out, after taking it, I would get it, so I was prepared. But still...I was trying to figure out my average now. I had a really high A, so it shouldn't affect it. But I still have the unit test and then finals in two weeks. Whoot, whoot, finals.

Plugs: Natasha, Sarah

.And So It Begins...
.01-04-06.

I couldn't even go four days without becoming so pissed off at my dad that it brought me to tears. Four days into the new year and already I can't stand him. So last weekend he was breaking up boxes (we have like a million in our garage) and he completely fills up the recycling bin. Recycling is only collected every other week where I live. And, with Hanukkah and the cleaning out of the office crap, we had a ton of recycling to be taken this week. I usually just collect them inside the house and then my dad takes them out. But, for some absurd reason, I decided to be nice and actually haul out the trash and recycle bins. So I'm pouring in the recycling from the house and I realize that it is filled up to the top. Pieces were actually hanging out when the lid was closed. And we still have three bins filled to the top inside the garage (the bins that used to be used, where you used to have to separate them). I have no idea how we are going to get all the crap out, but we have to because we recycle a LOT in my house.

That's not the part that bothers me, though. The part that brings me to tears is his reaction. He is going to blame it all on me. I asked my mom what we should do, and she said she "knew it was a problem" and, worse comes to worse, would just "take out the boxes". Well not anymore, seeing how I poured a lot of crap on top of them. Now that he can't take the boxes out easily, it will become all my fault. I can already imagine how the conversation will go. If I say I was just trying to be helpful, he will be like "Well it doesn't take a genius to realize we still had three bins to go in." He is such a flipping hypocrite. He is always going on and on about take responsibility for our own actions, yet he hardly ever does for his. Everything is my fault, or my mom's fault. EVERYTHING. Things that if I had done, I would have had to shoulder the blame or else face his wrath.

I know it doesn't sound really dramatic, but you have to live with him. You have to know him. And you have to trust me when I say I truly sometimes hate him. I never hate my mom---ever. Sure, I get pretty mad at her, but who doesn't? I'm a teenage girl, I'm bound to have some arguments with my mom. But I always feel guilty afterwards. I never feel guilty after arguing with my father.

*sigh* Went back to school yesterday. It was as boring as hell, as usual. We are doing this dumb Washington State project and it is soooooo stupid. Got my math test score back, though. 91%. Good, but all my mistakes were stupid mistakes, like always. Sabley got a 97%, which is great, and I was glad she didn't push it in my face. I'm the one who scores ridiculously high on most things, especially math. So the few times she gets higher than me, she usually gloats. Which is cool, because we are really competitive with eachother. But sometimes she just goes on and on about it. Today was different though. She only mentioned it like once or twice. I don't mind once or twice; I can't handle like over and over again. So, if you're reading this Sabley, nice job. :D

So on to site news, which I usually post first but didn't because I was angry. I finally added the buttons! They are all absolutely gorgeous. Two can be found on the Impatient Navigation, and the rest can be found on the You page. A HUGE thanks to Sabley and Kelli for making them. Anytime anyone feels like donating, go right ahead! Just email them to me. All credit will be given, of course. Also, something I'm really excited about is that I figured out how to make animations in Photoshop! I made two icons that are animated, one of the "Fantastic Four" (from the O.C.) and one of Ryan and his punching bag (also The O.C.). They are also under the You page. Finally, and most importantly, we have yet another new affiliate. Welcome Lissa! Her site is really great, and her layout is so cute, so you should go check out that as well.

I'm off to go write some notecards on Jefferson County. Care to join me? Washington State is just so stimulating...

Plugs: Sarah, Sabley

|

.The Year In Review.
.01-02-06.

The Best
1. Green Day Concert--September 26
2. Seattle Center Academy--August 1-16
3. Annie, Sean, CC, Nicole, Suzy, Kaleena
4. Discovering Staind--Summer
5. Spending My B-Day in Ohio--January 21
6. Media Production--Second Semester
7. Maintaing 4.0 GPA
8. Mr. Hanson--First Semester

The Worst
1. The Death of My Grandpa--January 15
2. My Birthday-- January 20
3. The Funeral--January 21
4. The Death of My Uncle--August
5. Natural Disasters: Katrina, Rita, Wilma, Pakistan Earthquake
6. Bush Re-elected--January 20

New Year's Resolutions
1. Lose Weight
2. Start A Band
3. Become a Tutor
4. Join Swim Team
5. Maintain 4.0 GPA
6. Win Novel Contest
7. Be More Optimistic
8. Sleep More
9. Chew Less Gum
10. Be Nicer to My Mother

Predictions for 2006
The Best
1. Winning Novel Contest
2. Getting Out of Inglewood
3. Getting My Permit
4. Joining Swim Team
5. Cruise

The Worst
1. My Parents
2. SLUDGE
3. Bush

Resolutions Actually Kept
1. Lose Weight
2. Start A band
3. Become a Tutor
4. Join Swim Team
5. Maintain 4.0 GPA
6. Win Novel Contest
7. Be More Optimistic
8. Sleep More
9. Chew Less Gum
10. Be Nicer to My Mother

Hope everyone has an amazing year. I can't wait to spend it with all of you guys.

|

Jey. High School. Brown eyes. Brown hair. Short. Only child. The O.C. Singing. Acting. Dancing. Writing. Reading. More?

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March 9: The O.C. Returns
March 12: Purim
March 22-April 14:SLUDGE

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This site is mine, all mine. Do not steal and do not copy or I will hunt you down and you will pay. I take this stuff seriously and so should you. A lot of work goes into this site and the things found on this site. If anything on this site bothers you, either tell me nicely or leave. That little "x" in the corner is your ticket out.

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