105.9 Gone - Just what my dog weighs!
	It's March 23 and today I weigh 190.9. I've lost the equivalent of my Golden Retriever's weight! So in honor of my loss, I took some photos of me and my puppy, Jake.

100 pounds gone, Feb. 20, 2006
	This is my "official" 100 pounds gone self-portrait on the right and me at 40 pounds gone (256 pounds) on the left. I think there's a noticeable difference, although that fat chick in me still says "no there isn't" sometimes. I've got 46 more to go. Next goal: 185 and I'm no longer "obese." I thought I'd throw in this photo of me and my stepsons. I talk about them a lot on the WW boards so here's what the goofballs look like!

ONEDERLAND!!!! Feb. 2, 2006
	Today is my one-year Weight Watchers anniversary and when I stepped on the scale this morning I was 198.6!!! Totally in "onderland"!! I haven't been under 200 in 6 years. God, it feels so good. It's a huge psychological thing to see a "1" as the first number in your weight instead of a "2". I set my second goal already: to be no longer technically "obese" which is when my BMI (body mass index) is less than 30, which will happen at 185. I will be 185 pounds by April 21. Small goals make this journey so much easier. If I had tried to embrace the big picture when I weighed 296 I don't know if I could have done it. I took small steps, 5 pounds, 10 percent, 50 pounds, etc. Looking back on nearly 100 pounds lost I really, for the first time, can say I'm proud of myself. I've done a good job. Wow. Onederland. I'm still smilin'.

January 21 continued... at 202.8
	I was at the doctor a few days ago for a checkup and the room I was in was next to the weigh-in room. I was the last one in there and they hadn't cleared the number on the scale yet. A nurse brought a woman in there and asked her to get on the scale. The woman said "Oh, I wish I weighed that" when she looked at my number on the scale. I never thought of 202 as being a number anyone wanted to weigh. But then I remembered that when I was 296 I'd have give anything to be 202. I also realized something else this morning. When I gained all my weight and was nearly 300 pounds, I stopped having my hair done (cut and colored) and I stopped wearing much makeup, or when I did I bought the cheap stuff and not the stuff I like. I unconsciously told myself I wasn't worth it. I had my hair cut and colored (with highlights) a few weeks ago and I bought Clinique mascara last week. I took a good look at this behavior and realized how piss poor I treated myself, in more ways than just this. I am going to be more diligent about doing good things for myself. I AM worth it. It doesn't have to cost any money even. I'm going to stop calling myself names like fat ass. My self-talk is seriously dangerous to my self-esteem and I need to get a handle on it. I would never call anyone a fat ass or any other derogatory name (well, at least not to their face and only when I'm really mad) so why do I do that to myself? Anyway, I'm so excited to get under 200 pounds. I'm really hoping to meet my goal of February 3. I'll let you know!

January 21, 2006
	Well, here we are in a new year and there's me in a "photo session" with my sister, Emily, as we try to get a photo of me to use as a headshot for my revived column in The Clarion News. I worked there for many years and when I bought my antique store I quit writing for the most part. I really started to miss it, though, especially after the Paxil withdrawal this summer. My former editor agreed to let me write a column for them every other week and so there I am again. I'll develop a page soon with my columns on them. It was really strange posing for photos like this. I'm definintely doing another photo in about 20 or 30 pounds.   While Emily was here I got to meet her son and my new nephew, Gabriel. He is such a sweet baby, and it's been years since I've held a baby. Here we are together, me feeding Gabe with his finger poking my mouth.                       I weigh about 206 here I think. Today I am 202.8. I also have a new hairstyle (well, a little) and a new color. Goodbye gray! Here's a photo of Gabe so you can actually see his face and not just the top of his head. If he and his mama aren't the cutest things....