Graduation Day!
	Carlene graduated Dec. 17 from Clarion University! I'm so proud of her. In terms of my weight loss journey, it was a big day for me since it was the first time in 6 years that I didn't have anything (OK, almost anything) critical to say about the photos with me in them. It just seems that the face I see in the mirror still isn't the same face the camera sees. It must be like hearing your voice on a tape or home movie. It's not the voice you hear in your ears. So if the face in the photos is closer to the truth then that is the truth I must accept. Oh well. Here's me with my girls.

Mini Goals
	Dec. 15: It's 10 days before Christmas and I made my mini goal of 210 with a weigh-in this morning of 209.6. The exciting news of the week is my daughter, Cassie, is getting married August 19! I've decided to set up a few mini goals to help motivate me to be a size 14 dress by the wedding. With my hips being what they are this will take some mega exercise as well as staying on program with eating. I hate formal exercise but this wedding is just the right motivator for me since I won't do it for myself. 1. Onederland (weighing under 200 pounds) by Feb. 3 2. 180 by Memorial Day 3. 170 by the wedding day, Aug. 19 I have a friend who is a seamstress and can take in my dress if necessary a few days before the wedding. I don't want to shop for it much before July actually. Cassie wants me to go sleeveless or strapless but I'm not sure I can pull that off in a way that is comfortable for me. Again, I'll need to hit the weights. It's so important to me to look good for my daughter's wedding. Yes, yes, I'm on WW for me ultimately, but other factors play into our motivations and intentions in life, don't they? I want to look good for her, for the photos that last forever, and for my own self-esteem, which I don't have a lot of these days.

Thoughts on goal weight
	It is December 2 and I've decided to change my "goal" to 155. I will technically (Body Mass Indicator says) no longer be "obese" when I weigh 185 and no longer "overweight" at 155. I hate the word "obese." I understand it technically, but what we see of obesity in the media are extremely heavy people who wear spandex and t-shirts or whose guts protrude over their belt or their butt cracks hang out, and that isn't the reality of obesity. Perhaps if more people realized that "obese" is defined as weighing 20 percent more than the highest ideal on the weight scale for age and height, more people might realize they are, in fact, obese. Right now I'm obese. I don't look like the butt-crack-hangin', spandex-wearin' people you see on the news. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm obese. And I don't want to be obese. Or overweight. So my goal is 155. However, having said that, I'm not sure 155 (or 165) is where my body wants me to be. A woman on the Weight Watchers 100+ boards has decided to not name a goal weight since she's found, now that she's near her ideal weight, that she isn't sure the number she originally set as goal is actually where her body needs her to be. So she's just doing the program. She said she'll know goal when she gets there. I believe in that philosophy, especially since I've been, as an adult, every "goal" weight from 165 down to 139. It's hard to maintain 139-145, but 150-165 is manageable. At least it was years ago before hypothyroidism and depression. My number goal is 155. My goal is "I'll know it when I get there."

Thanksgiving
	We had another great Thanksgiving this year. The weather was terrible but everyone who was supposed to be here was here. Eating wasn't too much of a challenge for me since I'd planned what I was going to eat and how much. I sent the sweet potatoes home with Mom and Dad and I dumped the leftover stuffing to keep the temptation away. I had a little of each for dinner and that was enough. This picture keeps complacency at bay. While I know I've lost 81 pounds, I look at this photo and see how much further I have to go. That's not meant as a negative statement but rather a reality check. One of the things I'm most grateful for this year is my weight loss and the fact that I'm not hiding behind the camera this year. Granted I've never been terribly comfortable having my picture taken, but I don't dread it like I did for the past 6 years.   I also wanted to throw in this photo of my dog, Jake. We usually can't get his lazy butt off the couch, but if there's snow outside he's like a puppy again.

Week of Thanksgiving
	It's now the week of Thanksgiving. I made my Thanksgiving weight goal this morning with a weigh in of 214.8. We had our open house at the store this past weekend and a few of my regulars noticed my weight loss (81.2 so far) and that was a nice NSV (non-scale victory). Here's a photo of me in the store on Saturday.  My blue overshirt is big, though, so it doesn't show how much smaller my shoulders and arms are getting. Darn double chin and chubby cheeks are still alive and well, though. Oh well, they too shall pass as the weight comes off. I'll post more photos at Thanksgiving which will include the family! It has been at least 6 years since I've felt comfortable being in family holiday photos. This year I'm excited about it.

October 26
	It's now October 26 and I'm at 220. I was looking through a box of old photos the other day and I found a few I wanted to share. This photo was taken in the spring of 1981 when I was a senior in high school and a waitress at Country Kitchen. I weighed 155. I thought I was fat. Not just any kind of fat but really fat. I was so uncomfortable with my body all through high school and yet all that time I was healthy and didn't realize it. If I knew then what I know now... But what I have learned is to appreciate that girl in the photo much more than I did. Now here's the wild child I want to be again! This was taken on my 31st birthday in 1994. I remember when I got the pictures developed and I saw this one I was so embarrassed I put it in the photo box and wouldn't let anyone see it. I don't know why I was embarrassed. I love this photo and I like the way I look, even if it is a little risque. I'm going to put it somewhere to remind myself where I want to be again.

Sometime in September
	It's September 18, 2005. For the first time in a long time I feel good about myself and how I look. I mean, I'm not just giving that phrase lip service. Hitting 230 was a turning point for me. Not sure why, but it was. I've got about 65-70 pounds to go, but I'm feeling more confidant. Larry took this picture before we went out to dinner with my daughter's boyfriend's parents. This was the first time we'd met them. Driving there I told Larry that I would have felt so uncomfortable if I'd weighed 296. He said I would have found an excuse to cancel. That hit me hard, but he's right. I probably wouldn't have met them at my high weight. I would have avoided it like the plague. Sometimes I feel shallow for thinking I have to look a certain way to love myself. Did I love myself at 296? Overall I did. I have the same values, the same work ethic, the same personality that has served me well these last 42 years. But I've always lacked confidance in my appearance, even when I weighed a "normal" weight. On a lighter note (no pun intended), I liked getting dressed up, doing my hair and putting on makeup. I'm plain Jane these days. Have been for 3 years. I work in a dusty old antique store. What do I need makeup and fru-fru hair for? I left that behind when I left the newspaper. No pantyhose, no heels, just t-shirts and tennis shoes. That's OK most of the time, but feeling pretty sometimes, I realized tonight, is a good thing, too.