I anticipated a day at home.
Then I received your call.
You wanted to disregard it.
You wanted to wait.
You don't want to see the urgency.
But I do.
I will.
I am always a pillar of strength for you.

I am afraid.
I am selfish.
What if I need to start letting you depend on me.
What if I cannot pursue anything in my life.
What if I cannot get out of this one.
Then I put thoughts aside.
I am obligated.

I told you I have plans.
You replied.
But I didn't want to make an excuse.
I don't want to open up to you.
And I won't.

I'm afraid of people.
And I'm afraid of guys.
And I don't want to be hurt.

The other day we were talking about marriages.
And I really thought about it.
I don't understand how people can do that.
Trust someone.
Trust they won't cheat on you.
Trust they won't leave you.
I can't do that anymore.
You can't trust anyone but yourself.

Linda.

Dang.
It's my week off.
If I'm not stressin' at work, it's at home.

You drove me to the edge.
Why can't you two get along?
Could you blame me if I want to set you free?

And I called you today.
You didn't pick up.
You haven't called back.
I'm going to drop him off at your door.
See if you call me back then.

And I don't care if you're friendly.
I pick and choose my social circles.

You have your outlet.
I have mine.

<3 Linda :3

Despite any changes in the past I made here.
There always seems to be an entry like this one.

Don't assume like you know what I'm talking about.
That's the beauty of my writing style.
If I wanted you to know, I'll tell you.

I am beginning to watch who I open up to.
Spare my heart for later.

And you.
I don't even want to talk to you anymore.
The way you talk to me is like you're belittling me.
And we spoke yesterday.
Stop being so emo.
'You never call me'
Does every conversation have to be about that?

<3 Linda :3

And so much is running through my mind.
And so much is going on.

You're my family now.
Someone explained to me today.
I need to learn to love you unconditionally.
Today I will find out what is going on.

I can't stay upset.
There is much more that I need to focus on.

I can't stop to think about you.
You linger for a moment.
Then you disappear.
I tell myself that you need to stay that way.

Love myself before I can love others.

Not a tear has been shed for you.
But my heart is broken.
You are alone tonight.
We are alone without you.

And my heart needs to belong to you.

There was a time not so long ago that I enjoyed it.
I truly was reaching a peak in myself.
Then I met you.
And things happened the way it did.
And I crashed again.
But this time, I won't let that happen again.

<3 Linda :3

It's another year.
This year started out not as expected.
And I'm not ready to talk about this.
And I'm not ready to face my feelings on this issue.

I want to be able to break free.
I want to walk away without a scar.
That is what I think you are doing.
I don't want to overanalyze the situation.
Maybe it is even simpler than that.

Friends talk.
I have a feeling we are not even that.

And things hit me when I don't want them to hit me.

I want to get lost.
I want to drown.

And you talked to me today.
That was peculiar.
And what was more peculiar was that I replied.
I know how it feels to be ignored.
And I suddenly realized that.
But I don't know why I even stayed with you that long.
You were toxic.

Did it hurt?
When I told you what I did?
I don't want to play games.
You had my heart once.
There's no more excuses.
You can't blame the distance.
You didn't try.
You were lazy.

And you cry for attention.
And you cry for answers.
And things are not the same anymore.

And it has been too long since I wrote here.
Value is in the substance of the writing.

<3 Linda :3