luangwablondes | A guide for the overseas self drive, self sufficient, vehicle dependent visitor in Africa

“ … from a vehicle you see Africa.
On foot you feel, hear and smell Africa “

John Stevens

luangwablondes Bush Walking Quiz

Mandatory for all bushwalkers, know-it-alls and wannabe guides

Pre-charge

1) Morning bush walks start :
A) after breakfast
B) at 8:00 A.M
C) At the crack of dawn
D) When the last person is ready
E) According to union contract
F) When the guide says so
G) Shortly after the wildlife wakeup and arrive at their pre-assigned positions

2) Bush walks take place only in areas where wildlife are habituated to humans
A) true
B) false
C) Don’t know

3) When charged by a lion, your best course of action is
A) Run- you only need to out run one other person
B) Stand there and hope the lion selects the fat guy to your left to eat
C) Climb a tree—adult lions can’t climb trees, I think. But even if they can, you only need to get one branch higher then SWAMBO ( Suggestion for Peter Baker- When climbing the tree, next time don't use Elizebeth as a ladder)

D) I don’t know, but somebody tell me before the lion charges
E) Follow the instructions of the guide, unless he has a head start on you- then run like hell
F) Grab the petite lady on your right and chuck her out to the lion as quickly as possible
G) Lay down and threaten to pummel the offending lion with toilet paper when he gets within a couple metres.See Tips below

4) Man-eaters are lions that eat
A) Only men
B) People. Because they are troubled and have deep seated psychological problems
C) People. Because they are usually physically impaired, and can only capture people
D) People because of some confusion in their sexual orientation manifesting the emergence of an alternate personality effected by low testosterone levels, men holding hands, skipping, and singing 'We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz......".

5) A mock charge by a lion or elephant is:

A) the last thing you may remember or want

B) I heard it isn’t a good thing (they don’t do underwear at this camp)

C) your guide will often see it coming and will instruct you on what to do-

If he has a head start on you, run like hell

D) occurs only when there are young nearby

E) is a warning you are too close or not welcome

Fill in the blank
6) What is spoor?

Use the reverse side of this webpage if necessary.
You must limit your answer to 500 words only

7) Porters are used on bush walks to:

A) carry you across rivers
B) step in front of you when a lion, buffalo, elephant or rhino charges
C) walk in front and take the 1st strike if there is a poisonous snake in your path
D) push the guide out in front of you when a lion, buffalo, elephant or rhino charges
E) carry water, cocktails and other important gear
F) Don’t know, but this all sounds good to me. Can I get 3 or 4 porters for my bush walks?

One Jacket- excellent condition

Distressed sale-Best Offer

You must collect

8) The ideal walking safari bush camp requires :
A) An amazing wine cellar.
B) Incredible edibles with eye popping presentation
C) Tasty alcoholic concoctions for Sundowners.
D) Quality vehicles that seat 2 across, each with tracker, guide and driver
E) Luxurious accommodations
F). Rates that include unlimited booze
G) Superior guiding and knowledge of flora and fauna
H) Guides that run like tortoises and pour doubles
I) Porters who know their job

J) An endless supply of sacrifical porters
K) A personal valet would be sweet, but not a deal breaker
L) Oh yeah, the camp should be in a magical location in a game rich area
M) All of the above

N) Some of the above, but I’m not sure which ones

Tips:

http://vidmax.com/index.php/videos/view/2924

SWAMBO = She Who Always Must Be Obeyed