World On A Wire

TITLE: Being Keanu
AUTHOR: lonelywalker
FANDOM: The Thirteenth Floor
RATING: G
SUMMARY: In which the characters from The Thirteenth Floor watch The Matrix.

Being Keanu

“What’re we watching?”

“The Matrix.”

“What’s the Matrix?”

Fisher beams and gets up from the floor, where he has been hooking up the television for the better part of half an hour. In the nineties, Whitney had always assumed that no one needed a degree from MIT to operate a VCR. Obviously the technical requirements of 2024 are rather more demanding. “No one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.”

“That really doesn’t help much.” Whitney picks up the film box from the table and studies it. “Oh. Keanu Reeves. He was Johnny Mnemonic.”

“You probably shouldn’t admit to knowing that,” Doug suggests from the couch, where he is ensconced in a fashion magazine.

“Where’s your better half?” Jane asks Whitney, setting a bowl of pretzels down on the table. They’re in her apartment, partly because she invited them, mainly because she has the best entertainment system in the building. Whitney had to spend several minutes just gaping at it in awe before attempting to help Fisher. After multiple electric shocks, he finally decided to play it safe and simply watch.

“Better half?” Doug mutters darkly. “Evil twin more like.”

Whitney grins. “He called from work. He’s going to bring drinks.”

“You got the bartender to bring drinks?” Doug groans. “Bad idea, Whit. Another opportunity for him to try to kill me.”

“I heard that,” Ashton says, pushing the door closed with a heel as he hands Whitney a bag of bottles. “But, believe me, none of this is even remotely lethal. Wine, more wine, and some kind of soda for those of us not old enough to drink.” He eyes the offending bottle with a faint sense of disgust.

Whitney grabs the soda with a smile. “How was work?”

“Eight women asked for my number and two guys tried to break my nose, so it wasn’t such a bad day,” Ashton explains, uncorking a bottle of red wine and pouring some into Jane’s glass.

“Wait, I thought you worked in a gay bar?” Doug asks.

“I turned down the job.”

“Gay people scare him,” Whitney says, sitting down on the couch as Fisher turns on the television.

“He does know you’re a man, right?” Doug asks. “I mean, it gets pretty confusing sometimes with your hair.”

Jane sits down beside him and nudges him in the ribs. “Shhh you two. The movie’s starting.”

Ashton finishes pouring drinks, and sits down at the other end of the couch, his arm around Whitney, as Fisher finishes calibrating the system and collapses into an armchair. “What’s this movie?”

“The Matrix,” Whitney explains in a whisper.

“What’s the Matrix?”

Fisher twists around. “Well…”

Doug smacks a hand against his forehead. “Can we please just watch the film?”

…

“Hey, he’s kind of like you, Whitney.”

“You mean, devilishly handsome and suave?”

“No, I mean a geek with no life who becomes obsessed with some guy on a computer.”

“I’m having a hard time imagining Ashton as Morpheus.”

“Look, I’m having a hard time imagining you being played by Keanu Reeves, so you’re just going to have to cope.”

…

“I don’t understand.”

“Okay, Doug, pay up. We got a good twenty minutes into the movie before he said it.”

“I think you two are conspiring against me. There’s no way he understood all that technological stuff.”

“I don’t care about the technology. I just don’t understand how she got into all that leather.”

“Carrie Ann Moss moves in mysterious ways, man.”

…

“Sorry, Whitney – you’re not Neo anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Well, look at it this way – he’s a guy who finds out that his world isn’t real.”

“You mean Ashton’s Keanu now?”

“Looks like it.”

“Whitney, who’s Keanu?”

…

“How come we couldn’t do that in our virtual world?”

“Well, look at it this way – we could do fifty percent of it.”

“Which fifty percent?”

“We could jump off the building… we just couldn’t jump onto the next one.”

…

“Okay, I’ve decided – Ashton’s not Neo. I’m Neo.”

“I thought I was Neo.”

“No. You see, he knows about computers, he lived in a computer-generated world, and he looks good in black. Sound like anyone you know?”

“I look good in black…”

“And he has a decent haircut.”

“Oh. So who am I, then?”

“You’re Link. Fuller’s Morpheus. And Ashton’s Agent Smith.”

“Agent Smith?”

“Sure. He’s the computer-generated guy who keeps trying to kill Neo.”

“I only tried to kill you once. After you stuck a gun in my mouth.”

“Details, details…”

…

“Holy crap.”

“Wow.”

“Okay, Whitney – the next time we make up a virtual world, to hell with 1937. I know you dig the bartender, but I dig dodging bullets in slow motion more.”

“I’m with you, man. Oh. Sorry, Ash. Nothing personal.”

…

“I’ve had another thought.”

“Am I Neo now?”

“No, I’m still Neo. But Ashton isn’t Agent Smith. David’s Agent Smith.”

“So who’s Ashton?”

“Maybe he’s Cypher.”

“No way, man.”

“Well he isn’t Trinity.”

“I don’t know. He’s the sexiest thing in our virtual world.”

“Okay, but if I ever see him in a leather catsuit, I may have to tear out my eyes.”

…

Fisher switches off the television with a smile. “Well? What did you think?”

“Okay,” Doug says, sitting up. “Here’s the deal. They have leather, shades, big guns, and hot chicks. We have bad haircuts, worse clothes, a lot of green lights, and an allegedly hot bartender. They can jump from rooftop to rooftop, do kung fu, and dodge bullets. We can play basketball, watch television, and strangle one another in swimming pools. Who do you think wins?”

They consider this silently for a few moments.

“So,” Fisher says brightly. “Who’s up for a little Existenz?”