NEW! Peter Pus r.i.p., Shelton, Stoke on Trent
Back in the late eighties we was students in Stoke. We lived in a delightful terraced house in Shelton. Our neighbour was Peter Pus.
He was a classic smelly, dirty, shuffling old hairy man, who shambled down the street with his poor dishevelled dog, Lassie, who had an embarassed, furtive expression as she led the way and patiently waited for him to catch up. He used to call round, asking for water for his tea. He would then produce his teapot, which was manky and crusty and filled with a slurry of milk and old teabags, with one fresh bag on top of the pile, like a fairy on a christmas tree except hideously polluted.
Our housemate Chris once popped next door as peter Pus had asked him for some assistance. When Chris found out that the help Peter wanted was rubbing some ointment into his scrotum he was perplexed, and as Peter
rummaged through his drawers to find the cream, Chris spied that the drawers were filled with ladies undergarments. Chris queried this and found out that they had belonged to Peter's deceased mother who he had
lived with all his life; they were his "Nice things" He died and the council had to fumegate the house, but that sent all the bedbugs and other critters round to ours, still, we miss him to this day, poor old bugger...
submitted by Lorna, and Sandra
Inside out man, Redditch, Worcs
This is an elderly chap that wears his clothes inside out, and has very very sparse hair coverage. He's only tiny, and stands outside of the same shop in town all day every day. He never speaks unless you walk past him with a fag then he yells abuse like "don't smoke, i hate it, you little sods" then he goes back to being quiet and clenching his fists by his side. Quite amusing but did feel sorry for him when he was tryingg to get on a
bus one day and he evil driver wouldn't let him on, said he smelt too much or something
submitted by stacey (bjq)
Terminator, Redditch, Worcs
This one is scary! She's about 40 i'd say and ugly as sin. She's about 6 feet tall, has short black hair and a face that can't be described on human terms. She's been around for yrs and walks around Redditch Kingfisher centre randomly yelling things at poor
passers by. I have had a couple of run ins with her as a youngster, the first being when i was about 11 and had gone shopping into town for the first time on me own without my mom. As i walked towards Argos to purchase some cheap Elizabeth uke jewellery, i heard a commotion and as the crowds parted there she was ripping up a magazine in a frenzy and punching herself in the face! She must have been punching herself for some time as her face was red and lumpy and her nose was bloody. I turded myself and ran away, all thoughts of new earrings vanishing.
Another time was when i was walking thru town aged about 13 arguing with my friend. Little did i know she was behind me and suddenly went into a mad rant about how i was lucky cos i had friends! She was waving her fists at me and hollaring in her spasticated manner. Once again i shit myself and legged it leaving my mate to fend for herself.
Now as a 22 yr old i still see her wandering around town but i think she has been sedated by carers or somethign because she has a permanent dopey grin on her face, drool on her chin and a shopping bag on one hand. Never see her cause any fuss, she just gets on with her "window shopping". I'm still scared of her though
submitted by stacey (bjq)
Trolley Molly, Stafford UK
Havent seen her for years.....anyone who was around stafford in the 70's,80's and early 90's will remember her.She was a short,aged looking lady with long grey course and wavy hair that was always worn down.She'd be seen any day of the week pushing her supermarket trolley around the town filled to the top with countless stuffed carrier bags.She's always be talking to the trolley and would often be seen giggling to herself-almost as if she had no concept of the outside world (sounds quite charming on reflection.......)I once witnessed her outside kemley house(the old dss building near vicki park)chasing off a group of scallies who had attempted to pinch her trolley....they succombed and she got it back,firmly gripping her hands around the handle and reassuring her carrier bags that they were safe.Like all townas there's speculation- the urban myth was she had lost a baby as a young woman and had never fully recovered.Ive been living in devon for seven years and havent seen her on my brief return visits to my home town-can anyone let me know what happened to her-hopefully she's found some peace in her life in one way or another....by the way-if sale lancs think theyve got the most loons per square mile theyre in fine competition with stafford...I will be back soon with more legends of my home town!
submitted by Claire
Russian Rob, Stafford
This guy needs to be remembered as he is one of
lifes uniques!Having been bought up in stafford I was aware of rob from
a very early age.Stafford folk all knew him (he's been descibed
brilliantly on this site-you really couldn't miss him-even even you couldn't
see him you could smell his presence!)and each person had their own
opinion of rob.It used to upset me to witness mothers telling their kids
not to look at the funny man,it amazed me that they didnt feel the same
fascination about the guy as me and my mates had!Ive many fond/funny
memories of Russian Rob.In the summer of 1988(I would have been 15)Rob
wasn't actually Rob-he was actually Robs identical twin(I'll have to ask
my mate Andi for the name he was using/living!)Now,it turned out that
Rob and his identical twin had been agents in the war and Rob had been
the one chosen to go into the outside world and report back his findings
to his twin brother who's secret undergound base was St marys Place (I
think thats what its called-Ive been living in devon for 7 years and
some place names aren't as sharp these days)anyway,it was situated
underneath St Marys church and the space surrounding(what it turns out used
to be the cemetery).His identical twin went on to explain how Rob was
having a well earned break and it was now his time to take over the
outside world survailance role.This character was around for that whole
summer and Rob returned the following autumn madder/happier than before but
he was now starting to look tired bless him.Me and my mate Andi could
talk to him for hours-we'd love his imagination and wonder what Planet
Russian Rob must be like-Andi though was a lot stronger than me when it
came to smell sensitity so she would always be able to manage an extra
couple of minutes with him whilst i would be trying desperately not to
wretch a few steps away-the guy WAS desperately smelly-I really didnt
want the guy to feel he had offended me though-he got enough of that
from the ignorant people of the town....my last memory of him was outside
boots where me and my mates would meet and sit on the flowerbed and
watch the many handsome stafford boys that were around(brilliant
past-time-we'd then go and talk about them in the old market cafe).One routine
Saturday (always 11am meeting time) whilst being the first of my group
of mates to get there,I spotted Rob directly opposite me happily making
his way out of Boots.He had a smile on his face and a spring in his
step and was excitedly reaching into a Boots carrier bag gagging to get
what it turns out if i remember rightly about 15 packets of freshly
acquired photographs."What you got there Rob?"i called over with a friendly
smile by this time fascinated at not only how he came to having all
these photos but also how the hell could he afford it?!!He caught my eye
and trustingly waddled over to me.I then spent a good 10minutes looking
at every single photograph he had.EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM were of his
dogs-though i personally cant ever remember seeing him with a dog-maybe
someone else does...anyway,he was so proud of these dogs to the point
he was weeping a little bit out of his (always)sleep encrusted eyes.My
mates turned up and Rob went his merry way off down planet rob,I sat
there for a moment laughing(coz he always made you laugh in one way or
another)and scratching my head as to how he had the money-talk was he had
loads of cash at home but that could be Stafford speculation.I found
out that he was eventually cleaned up and put in care but it must have
been hard for him leaving his home in the north end near the old
hospital/prison and his beloved dogs.I also sadly found out not that many years ago that he died and stafford lost him forever...at least he went to
his grave smelling clean and not requiring someone spraying air freshner
behind him as he left this world-like they did in EVERY shop in town he
ever visited!Cheers for making us smile Rob!God bless
submitted by Claire
UPDATE! fag-butt man A.K.A. wanker dan, Stafford
hmmmmmm.......well....just found out from my
boyfriend,also from stafford but 5years older than me, that the crazy
accomodating old man was in fact called 'Wanker Dan'...well i
never....apparently he was well known for exposing himself and publicly pullin the 'ead off it on regular occassions in Vicki Park...you think you know
some folk!!!!!
submitted by Claire
fag-butt man, Stafford
Another one......lovely old guy who until i had
the opportunity once to chat to myself i never saw him talk to
anyone.Seen all over stafford wearing a mac and a deerstalker,a short elderly
man with a white beard always staring at the floor...thye reason?...he
basically cleared the town of fag butts from the streets (tory government
should have paid him for his services!)...one night me and my mate
Andi(yes we were joined at the hip for a while-great laughs!)were gagging
for some tobacco-we'd missed the old esso garage on rising brook (now
tescos)and had defeatedly started to make our way home...as we were
passing the bus stop opposite the royal oak pub we bumped into fag-butt
man."He'll have some baccy!!!!" we both agreed with a giggle...I approached
him unsure iof what his response would be to two random 16year old
girls asking for help at midnight.He was so lovely!He proceeded to get out
his manky old tobacco tin that was filled to the brim with stinky 2nd
hand tobacco-he then went on to try and force loads of it on us-we only
needed enough for a couple of fags but he insisted we take as much as
we liked!We took a little off him,thanked him and asked if he was ok on
his own-he assured us he was,gave a toothless smile and wandered off
eyes to the pavement.Me and Andi walked straight home and went to bed
without having a cigarette(couldnt bare the thought of actually smoking
the baccy after all!)but what we did promise to eachother was that the
next time we were to see him we'd give him a fag....never saw him
again-would be nice to know where he's buried so i could leave him a well
earned rollie!
submitted by Claire
Crazy Dave, Stafford
This guys still going strong (i saw him when i was last in my hometown).He still looks the same as he did when i first became aware of him maybe 20 years ago,black hair(slightly balding on top)army surplass clothing,a kinda cocky strutt and a crazed look in his
eyes.About 15years ago me and my mate Andi were in the Kebab King on the wolverhampton Road after our usual midweek night down at Props (it was good once kids!cant believe its now a chinese restaraunt!!!!)....anyway.....there we both were happily sharing our usual portion of chips and gravy when in storms crazy dave looking extremely aggitated...he
ordered his chips and waited impatiently for them to be dished up.On receiving the chips he opened the packet,popped one in his mouth and totally exploded...."You have given me chips that are cold!!!!"he shouted "You give me hot chips or else Ill blow your brains out...."......this was met with a hasty response-chips in microwave heating up with crazy dave breathing heavily whilst staring out the poor woman behind the counter.
Sure enough,the chips were returned to him and he was satisfied that his money had been well spent.Andi bumped into him up stafford castle one night where very calmly he informed her that he was actually a warrior from generations before-bought back to protect stafford town...bit mad but if that was what gave him peace then fair enough...you can't beat stafford folk!!! (yes you can Claire - Ed)
submitted by Claire
Rocket Ron, Stafford
I think this may be the same biscuit brain as "Russian Rob". You'd often see him in town sporting bright red wellies, a mask like the lone ranger, carrying a bag full of tins of baked beans in one hand and a kids plastic red trident "devil fork" in the other. This is a long story but well worth a read, so hear it goes...... My mate's dad used to own a fruit & veg shop in town, and "Rocket Ron" would come in and poke all the produce with his "trident fork", whilst grunting loudly. He absolutely stunk, and as you can imagine, having a nutter loose in your shop is not good for business. He'd usually piss off after a bit, but one time he was in a particularly boisterous mood and refused to leave. When challenged he let rip and a full on brawl started in the shop between "Ron" and my mate's dad, much to the surprise of amazed onlookers. Now my mate's dad is pretty hard, he's been a market trader all his life, but he said "Ron" was like Samson. Me and my mate waded into give him a hand and.......sweet baby Jesus, this guy was STRONG. It took all 3 of us to manhandle him out the shop...the police came and everything, and by now it looked like a scene from pulp fiction.....apples, potatoes and parsnips scattered in every corner, broken baskets, terrified old ladies doing their best to run away and the checkout girl cowering behind the till. In the process of the brawl his "trident fork" broke in half, and whilst he was escorted away by the fuzz, he was clutching the 2 broken pieces, staring at them and howling like a baby. Don't feel sorry for him...... He broke my mate's dad's glasses, bit my mate (who later had to have a tetnus shot) punched me in the eye and ripped my shirt, the bastard. Stafford was never the same again.
Submitted by Austin
Beakie, Leicester
Always hanging around Freeschool Lane - pretends to work in a firm nearby. Drinks too much and smokes excessively too. At times seen fighting imaginary opponents using Tae-Kwon-Do moves. Known to have at least 4 different personalities. Likes to shout "Meep" a lot.
Submitted by John
Osman The Rabbit, Leicester
He can be seen on a regular basis standing on the corner of Leicester high street near the holiday inn, waving at cars dressed as a rabbit with the letters 'O.S.' on his chest. Does anyone know what he is always doing there?
Submitted by Jeff
Basketball Girl, Birmingham
Those of you who frequent Broad Street on a regular basis may have seen her. Glasses, overweight, and full basketball kit....shorts, vented numbered vest and nike air max. However, this is where the attention to detail ends, as there is no basketball. She usually does a 20 yard imaginary dribble and then lays it up or dunks into an imaginary hoop hung from the traffic lights opposite the Walkabout pub. You never ever see her in the winter, only the summer, and for obvious reason........this is when the NBA season starts. Quality stuff.
Submitted by Ozzer
Rob The Russian, Stafford
Although Stafford has a number of loons wandering about the place stinking of piss, Rob the Russian was the best and most loved. Dressed in a tweed suit with a plastic bag taped to his head and bright red wellington boots, who could forget the sight of him wandering through the town centre shouting through his megaphone (I don't know how he got it either!!) Chocolate Biscuits for everyone!!! He is so lengendary he even stars in an Altern8 video.
Submitted by Mike
Kung Fu Bob, Stafford
There was a nutter used to hang around the centre of Stafford, called Kung Fu Bob. He used to tell everyone he was (still) in the SAS, and he was a black belt at every marial art, and he was a ninja assassin.
Thing was, he was 60 odd years old, no teeth, scrawny little fella, whose clothes stank. He used to walk around town in sunglasses and a pair of purple deely-boppers (see if the kids remember those).
The Old Bill nicked him once, for standing outside the Halifax talking into a kids walkie-talkie (not a working one, just a plastic thing). they honestly thought he was about to rob the place or summat
submitted by Fat_Al
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