NEW! Fish, Christchurch/ Dorset
A local loon who has been around for years, still lives with his mother, every night he strides off down the pub counting each steep out loud has he goes, seems to be continually pissed.
he likes to wonder into boozers with his knob dangling out, buys a pint then sings songs about eric cantona to those that are interested. The local lasses like to tease him over the size of his manhood but all they get his an another verse of his song, armless enough fella but he did get the sack from the post office for refusing to post giro's to scousers.
Submitted by seth
Charlie Craplin, Bournemouth
Shockingly bad Charlie Chaplin impersonator to be found swinging his NHS walking stick and donning bowler hat & 'tache 7 days of the week come rain or shine. He's collecting cash for some charity or other & has a picture of himself with several nervous looking B-list celebrities to prove it. Or perhaps he's just on the scav, I'm not sure. Regaredless of his mission he collects more strange looks & snide comments than he does quid coins which is a shame considering the amount of time he puts in. A classic weirdo, but no stories of him actually being an eccentric millionaire as of yet. I'll kepp you posted..
Submitted by Ming the Merciless
Loppy, Alton, Hampshire
Alton is a town with a long and proud history of unhealthy lunatics. In 1867 Alton gave the world the expression "f**k all" when a drunken solicitor hideously murdered an 8 year old called "Sweet" Fanny Adams. (Alistair Crowley's family used to own the town too) "Loppy" is a real local legend, I can only give you a taste of the thousands of weird things he has done.
Loppy started out in the early 1980s as the out-of-his depth manager of a fruit farm lent to him by some fool. After neighbours complained about his decrepit mud-shacks he wrote a missive to the council entitled "My Wind, My Erections and what the neighbours see", which the local paper refused to publish. This was to be the start of a voluminous campaign to bombard everyone with crazy letters of complaint.
Of course the so-called farm deteriorated rapidly into a quagmire but along the way Loppy managed to provoke the Polish Embassy who complained that he had kidnapped their citizens after he invited some students to "work" at the briar-patch one summer and then attempted to treat them as his house-servants in his tiny caravan.
Loppy was evicted from his swamp by public health officials in the 1990s and he now cycles around Alton throwing himself in front of cars in the hope of making an insurance claim. He writes endless, truly mad letters attacking Tony Blair and the Church of England in coloured pens which he hands out in a state of high excitement. Loppy also befriended local civil-servant killer Chris Moffatt some years back but I think that this was only in an attempt to get into his pants.
Submitted by The Brewer
Ten Pence aka Jack The Ripper, Brighton
When I was living in Brighton (a town full of loonies because they work their way down the country then hit the sea and can go no further) there was a bloke who used to hang around 'The Lanes' who looked like Blind Pew from 'Treasure Island' and on catching your eye would say 'Ten pence. Ten pence, mate? Ten pence?'. If you stopped to give him the cash he would engage you in a conversation about tractors for some reason. He once featured in the Brighton Evening Argus. They asked him who he was and he said 'I'm Jack The Ripper'. Early sightings had him saying 'Got a penny? Got a penny?'. I've no idea of his longevity as I was only in Brighton for three years.
Submitted by The Real Roxanne
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