Update! Quendo, South Manchester
I was in Polar Bar last week and in he walked. He was wearing an oversized furry hat, a child's scarf and carrying a shoppping basket, stolen from Safeway. (There was a cookery book in the basket.) He spoke to a member of staff, emptied an ashtray full of butts into his pocket and strutted out, as if he had something to be proud of. The whole episode made me feel quite ill.
submitted by Juuulian

Update! Quendo, South Manchester
A friend of a friend knows this Quendo man. He had to look after a box of his 'valuables', which held a dirty jumper, 2 posters of drawings of women and a box of 7" singles containing Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (without a sleeve), a free NME single from 1985, some foul nonsense by The Levellers and a Pantera picture disc. Apparently, Quendo was worried that some dealers might rob his valuable stuff from his sordid little grief hole.
submitted by Rebeccca

Junior/Smiler, Stretford
This guy (of african descent) walks round stretford with a constant smile on his face and more often than not, a massive bottle of cider. Rumour has it that it's all down to his wife not letting him see his kids. Everyone round here seems to know of him and he always cheers me up when I see him.
submitted by Jim

Update! Beep Beep e.t.c., Sale
I had reason to come up north and decided to visit some friends in Sale. It was ace, first we checked out the Cuckoo's Nest, which was heaving at midday, then we went for a stroll and encountered the Wandering Nutter on Washway Road. it was comparable to a safari at this stage, seeing rare creatures in their natural environment.
The day was topped by a visit to the Legh arms in Sale moor, where we watched the local football team in the company of  characters like Sammy Davis Junior, and ultimately the legendary, Beep Beep!
submitted by Wenger

Trike man, Sale Moor, South Manchester
Anyone else seen the trike man? Lives in Sale moor, rides his trike all over the place. Must be about 70, saw him with a dead fox or squirrel in the basket on his yellow trike once. Also uses a vanished stick as a walking stick. Leave the wandering nutter alone (Sale tramp) he's not as bad as most, likes to cut his hair on metal bins though.
submitted by ???

The fuzz heads, Sale/Altrincham
surely people will remember these guys, mum/dad and possibly 4/5 kids all with fuzzy hair do's, like an affro except they all had ginger hair. Im sure they used to pile into a Lada and drive around sale/altrincham. Wherever there was one there were bound to be the others, anyone remember these guys and where are they now??
submitted by Bernd Schuster

Big Julie, Manchester town centre
Used to work as a barmaid in the Oxford pub, advertised as having a barmaid with the biggest tits in town - 57 inches. Later used to be spotted around town pubs with a rabbit on a lead.
submitted by Hipple Pipple

Update! Where's the tram - man, Sale
WTT man was spotted at Sale tram station today - trying to hail the tram with an outstretched arm. Probably wouldn't have stopped to pick him up otherwise. On a happier note, he seems to have lost some weight and ditched the baseball cap.
submitted by anon.

Update! Walking Man, Davyhulme, Urmston, Stretford, Sale, anywhere his trainers took him
It is with a heavy heart that I report that he
died of a heart attack about 8 years ago.
Who said exercise is good for you. (Can anyone else verify this? - Ed)

Beep Beep (or Malty), Sale Town Centre
Beep Beep hangs out in the Mutant Bar (oka Cookoos Nest) in Sale, where all the best nutters hang out (as it is cheap). Shouts a lot and is always pissed. He is barred from every other pub in the area. Hangs around with Dubious John and Wandering Nutter competing for the contents of the wste bins.
Submitted by Dilatory Dave

Update! Quendo, Chorlton.. mmm Eggs Lead Station..
Some quendo, but this quendon't. I think I know this one, he used to work with me in Manchester in a bar, I once gave him a lift home he was living in a caravan in his mum's garden, I thought he was peculiar then, kept talking about not playing glastonbury if he was asked to, and what his top 10's will be when Q magazine interview him, following the release of his 'best of' album. Although I never saw him play live I suspect that his performance would have been as good as his 'penthouse' appartment. (you name dropping little tart Amelia.. Ed)
Submitted by Amelia

Dubious John, sale
Has been street sweeper for 30 years in Sale area. Shouts at people alot and ferrets through bins on a regular basis. Quit often comes into conflict with 'Wandering Nutter' of same location. Drinks in The Railway. Never washes his trousers and is very proud of the fact. Hangs around in the Barber Shop frequented by Dilatory Dave and Big H. This is opposite 'The Mutant Bar' (oka Cookoos Nest) where all the best Sale Nutters hang out.
submitted by Dilatory Dave

Where's the tram - man, Sale
Like a kid on a never-ending road trip this bloke just can't quell his impatience. I discovered him at Sale tram station and registered him immediately as one to avoid - not due to danger or stink, just a pure annoying bastard. He has the look of a local nutter - overweight, trousers too large, baseball cap too small - but seemed harmless when he asked me politely if the tram was coming. I looked down the mile of empty track to reply "No", only to be asked 15 seconds later "Is it here yet?" "Not yet". After being asked 5 times, I resorted to the tactic of saying it would be 5 mins - this didn't work. "Soon" - failed. "Its coming now" - not a hope. I was asked about 30 times in a few minutes until eventually I just ignored him and he started asking someone else. May also be known as "I'm going to Bury" man due to his love for informing people where he is going.
submitted by anon.

Quendo, Whalley Range/Chorlton
I think this is the nutter I saw about 5 months ago (ish). He was wearing white plastic boots and had make-up smeared across his eyes. I can vouch that he STANK. Kind of musty. Very peculiar clothes and he was with a woman, who looked like a Brett Anderson. In a bad way. Not sure there is a good way. Anyhow, he was very odd. Must be him.
submitted by Ken

Wanker Man/Jesus, Urmston
Does anyone see the wanker man or also know as Jesus walking around Urmston. He used to live near Urmston meds and muttered snippets of the bible at you. If you shouted at him he used to drop his kecks and pretend to wank..nice! He was spotted at the Urmston carnival once dancing through the poor little morris dancers scaring the shit out of them whilst throwing his arms in the air..
submitted by anon.

Mad Paddy, South Manchester, A6
I'm surprised there's no mention of Mad Paddy here. He was a stalwart of the seventies nutter scene in south Manchester. He used to ride up and down the A6 on a bike laden down with classic tramp stuff, pans and brushes and stuff he'd find about, old iron and dirty rags. he was usually fairly vocal, singing and waving except when a bus came past, then he'd get suddenly angry and start yelling abuse at the bus, and he'd have a swing at it with his boot or his fist or whatever he had to hand. I was terrified of getting the 192 to town as a kid because of Mad Paddy. Somebody once told me his wife had been run over by a bus and that sent him over the edge.
submitted by David

Urmston Walking Man, Urmston
Urmston Walking Wan could also have been known as Flixton/Stretford or Sale Walking Man as he also covered these areas. Last time I saw him was in Sale in the mid-nineties and that is what he must have been as well. A harmless guy who enjoyed walking - buttocks like rocks!
submitted by anon.

Wandering Nutter, Sale etc.
Leave Wandering Nutter alone, I always feel a warm glow of respect when I see him. The man has survived for years with nothing but his heavy bags (changes of clothes, I think) and his grey dreads. He used to come in my Dad's shop and was always nothing less than polite. He also doesn't stink that bad - he urinates outside of his pants! As has been stated, he doesn't ask for money nor does he want it - surely this should be commended. And those people who presume he is in need because of his appearance deserve the mouthful they receive.
submitted by Wandering Nutter's Mum

Quendo, Chorlton
Quendo alert! He's been spotted sleeping rough, which won't do much for his 'interesting' aroma.He's slept under an upturned bath and also beneath a ping pong table that someone left out in the street.Rumour also has it that he had a girlfriend, which,frankly, is too disgusting to spend any length of time thinking about.
submitted by Julian

Peggy Pear Toof, Flixton/Urmston
Oh my god, i thought that women was someone i dreamed about after a session on diamond lager (very strong beer solded for about 2p a pint and blows ya head off). I remember seeing her after euro2004 pretending she was portugise and calling her self madam rita. one of the best tramps ive seen for ages although it looks like she breaking her teeth in for a horse. LONG LIVE 2TOOF PEGGY.
submitted by jonny

Peggy Pear Toof, Urmston
Has anybody else seen a young lady (20s)walking around urmston/flixton, and her head is shaped like a massive pear and she has got teeth not dissimilar to ken dodds? Ive seen her walking mainly around the robuck area clutching a pint of diamond, singing ive got a loverly bunch of coconuts.quality woman, but in need of some dental work.
submitted by bri

Chinese Spy, Chorlton
Spotted the Spy, on his bike, hanging around the whalley range/ hulme area, he was on the corner of the road taking more notes. He was recently seen in Boots in Salford, note taking on various customers, then buying a plain own-make yoghurt. I recently told a
Chinese friend of mine about him, she was quite interested, I asked her to get close to see if she could read his writing, but alas no, apparently she said it said nothing, but then it would be in code wouldn't it?
submitted by Zhenya

Wig head, Sale
Seems to be in every pub you go in at the moment, never seen. He has seemed to appear in the last 18 months. He looks like he has a wig on, seems to wear a scarf and has a kind of beard/goatee thing. Mid 60's and has the look of a French renaiscance (sp??) painter. Always tries chatting up the young birds and will generally bore the arse of anyone whose  willing to take it.
submitted by Manson

Shorts man, Sale
Shorts does  indeed live near cooper  sports, in fact i saw him last winter (freezing with shorts and a bag of shopping) launched from a taxi as he was asking for a ride from Sale  Station to cooper sports. Taxi driver through a quid at  him and told it wasnt worth his spit to take him
submitted by Wee Willie

Me name's Nigel, Stockport
Nigel was a lovely bloke, kind natured and pleasant, he spread joy around the world with his simple ways. Cruel tormentors knew his weakness though. They would stand a good, two hundred yards away and shout "hello Tony" and Nigel would snap and give chase, screaming out "me name's Nigel" The two hundred yard headstart was advisable as he moved like a train when he was riled and anyone who got caught risked a hamfisted slap off a heavily built man with the mind of a toddler.
submitted by Mad Ian (are you on here somewhere fella? - Ed)

Chinese Spy, South Manchester - on the london coach
The same chinese bloke ( I presume, unless there's tons of sleepers) who was taking notes on the 86 bus used to travel up and down the country on the coach from Manchester to London. He would go up and down the coach, taking notes, sitting next to unfortunate strangers and scribbling while staring at them furtively. Once he tried to sit next to me at the start of the journey and I shouted "NO" he changed his mind, everyone else looked at me as if I was the nutter but by the end of the journey they saw my wisdom.
submitted by gentleman phil

Dirty Monkey, Heaton Chapel
Dirty Monkey used to live in sheltered accomodation on the A6. he used to get the bus to Piccadilly everyday, then get out, shuffle around, rummage through some bins, then get the bus to Mersey Square and do the same. Once when I was on a bus he was shuffling around,looking for dimps and as he stooped his trousers fell off revealing a crusty yet delicate pair of ladies bloomers.
submitted by anon

Quendo, Chorlton
My friend manages Oxfam Books and he has to chase him away from the skip they have at the back,where they throw all the crappy books that nobody else wants. Another friend spoke to him once. He was talking about his 'friend', who he claims is a Witchfinder and wears leather waistcoats. Apparently, he (Quendo, not the Witchfinder) smelt really bad. I don't understand why though. Surely if he can afford a woman's leopard skin suit, he can get
a shower.
submitted by Callum

Shorts Man, Sale
Confirmation, shorts man does live near Cooper Sports. He frequents all the local supermarkets and although appears very aggresive towards people, probably is harmless. Never seen him in anything other than shorts. My theory is that he Lassi Veeron (sp?)
(Scandinavian long distance runner) awaiting his next goats' blood transfusion.He does very long strides in his short strides.
submitted by sale-is-safe

Market (Mad) Dave, Timperley
I used to have the glorious job of working in the bank where Dave used to bring all his change. We used to see him coming down the hill and suddenly everyone was dying for the loo so they could close their till. If you ended up serving him, you would have to count hundreds of the filthiest coins you'd ever seen that stunk, along with fluff and other eccentric treasures! I can confirm he is no millionaire.
submitted by C Waterhouse

Mad Rita, Sale
I remember the Mad Rita who was about 60 years old, 15 years ago. She always wore long football socks and could out sprint most kids fuelled on pure hatred. She hung about with a smaller woman with a bobble hat and glasses who was also a bit strange. She often shouted 'look at what my husband gave me' as she lifted up her skirt -apparently showing scabs, but I never looked so could just be a nasty rumour! She certainly stopped obesityin kids back in them days! Should have been an olympic runner!
submitted by Charlotte

Miss Piggy, Sale
I remember Miss Piggy from when I worked at Tesco 15 years ago. She used to wear makeup that made barbara cartland look natural - always strayed beyond her eyes and lips in the brightest of colours. She would often sit on the floor in the middle of the aisle eating cream cakes - everyone was too scared to approach her. She was also often seen pushing round an empty pram - rumour has it she lost a baby and went mad?
submitted by Charlotte

Nobby Longhead, Sale 
Nobby or Norbert Long Head used to frequent the Sale area about tea time on a daily basis -presumably when he'd made his quota of pegs for the day. He used to go into Groves on the corner opposite Sale Town Hall asking for 2oz of Sherbet Lemons in a slow motion style of talking.
submitted by SL

Pencil Up His Arse man, Market Street Manchester
Spotted in Manchester Metropolitan University Library late last summer (2003). (All Saints campus) What's he reading about? what's he studying?
submitted by Zhenya

Quendo, Chorlton
What a quendo!, not only sports tight leopard skin suit but many a time seen wearing a see-thu dress and wig. Spotted
climbing out of a skip at 7 in the morning. Has been known to carry a rabbit shaped slipper.
submitted by  Zhenya

Singing Bus Driver, Manchester
This lad used to live in the next block to me in Hulme.  Not a busdriver, a sweet lad with learning disabilities who potters around! He's definitely a legend around Hulme/Whalley Range/Moss Side/Stretford, etc.  Usually carrying an umbrella or walking stick, very deep voice and mad laugh.  Tours pubs in the evenings having a cola, a singsong & a laugh
with anyone who happens to be there! Last seen by me, in Asda Hulme, 3 days ago!
submitted by Kitty

Quendo, Chorlton
He's this dead weird looking bloke that I often see knocking about by
Polar Bar.Last time I saw him, he was wearing this ridiculous leopard
skin suit that was obviously intended for a woman. He has this really
smug look on his face and never buys a drink.He just takes his bag into
the toilet with him and comes back with his glass magically refilled.
He was also spotted at a Gold Blade concert wearing a dress and no
underwear.
submitted by Julian

Chinese spy on the 86, Chorlton
He's this Chinese man that gets on the bus and writes notes about everybody that gets on and off the bus.He writes in a tiny little notebook and gets really defensive when asked what he's doing. I took a photo of him once and he got quite cross.
I also saw him in Asda in Hulme and tried to get a closer look at what he'd been writing but dropped me light bulbs and had to run away.
submitted by *