The Witch, Chorlton
Until recently the witch would prowl the Wilbraham Road area of Chorlton saying "Scuse me love". Locally she was considered a rather sad reflection of the modern world, until it emerged she was a rather unsavoury HIV positive Heroin addict who had a tendency to threaten people with needles. She will be missed
Submitted by Dave

The Oxford Don, Withington / Oxford Road
Sat outside Revolution in Fallowfield one day when he walked past grinning, two minutes later he walked past and shouted at everyone 'You're all Oxford rejects!'His other trick is starting talking to exchange students on the bus. 
The plummy accent and trademark grin is soon replaced by spitting rants
about Islam and Oxford rejects. I think he lives in Withington - most often seen buying his booze at Iffy's, next to the Red Lion.
Submitted by Friday

Big Titted Jogger, Ashton Under Lyne
early 90's anyone remember the "Big Titted Jogger" who used do circuits of Ashton town centre on weekends at chucking out time to rapturous applause wearing next to nothing
Mid twenties but clearly backward it was a sight to behold (also enjoyed a run out at rush hour)
Submitted by H

The Urmston Walking Man, Davyhulme/Urmston
Used to wear shorts & white knee length socks in
all weather & walked every wear..never got a bus or car ever.. his skin
was like orange leather due to walking in the sun..must have been late
1970's/early eighties.
Submitted by anon.

Mr Greeny, Altrincham
This homeless pisspot used to wander around Alty bus station in the evenings asking people to produce there biggest possible greenies.
Once he had a medium sized Macdonalds cup full for the biggest offering fee he would down the lot!the dirty get.
Submitted by Sale Red
Ed. - This is so f'ing disgusting I almost didn't put it on, I thought I knew all the nutters in Altrincham so I'm suprised I've not heard of this clown before - sure it's not just a fantasy of yours SR?

Tom Jones, Sale
that guy who thinks he really is Big Tom! just
cos he won a relly poor wagon and horses karoke comp years ago.
also laughs at anything, even when its not funny with thte loudest
laugh in the world.
Submitted by A.Scott

Market Dave, Altrincham
Market Dave is definitely no millionaire. FACT.
Also he once got his 'fella' out and tried to urinate on me and a friend
in Altrincham precint and kept spitting at us.  We deserved it as we
were mocking him.  We were only 15, I realise know when i see him that
the guy deserves a medal for his services, he is class
submitted by H.A

UPDATE - Anthony the bus driver, Hulme
Anthony the bus driver,if you want to see him
'perform' get yourself down to the junction in hulme on a monday night.
he's taken to playing a guitar with no strings! ash him to sing
Jellyfish, not to be missed
Submitted by Salford Red

UPDATE - Anthony the bus driver, Hulme
the bus driver used to go to sinclairs and the
wellington before the bomb.used to sing songs for us with is big toy mic
(looked like a big ice cream)offered to buy him a drink one day, he
went fuckin loony tune, so ten pence had to suffice. still a great guy
though.
Submitted by Pete

UPDATE - Wandering Nutter, Sale
He lives underneath the M60 between Sale and
Urmston.  I only know this cos I used to go biking down that dirt path
between the two areas.
I wonder if they will be moving him on when they expand it. 
Submitted by Simon

Miss Piggy, Sale
The woman who looked like a cross between Miss Piggy and Bet Lynch and used to talk at you via her hand held gold mirror, here's hoping someone else remembers as I might have dreamt her up as a result of living in Sale and being subjected to more nutters per square mile than anywhere else in the UK. Try it - visit there - get to the top of Hope Road near the Queens and you can't count to 10 without meeting someone who should be on this site - if they aren't already.
submitted by Brian Miggs

Wandering Nutter, Sale

I pass him regularly, he can usually be found in
the late afternoon outside the block of offices opposite Cooper Sports.
I have heard that he has a rich sister (?) but he refuses to take
anything off her. I know someone who approached him to give him some cash
but again, as you suggest he didn't want anything.

submitted by Blaine, Sale

Doctor Disorder, Urmston
Rumour has it that this gentleman used to be a
surgeon, before his wife left him and he had a complete nervous
breakdown.
He now has compulsive obsessive disorder and can be seen purchasing
vegetables in Urmston centre. He places each piece of fruit and veg in a
carefully folded and selected individual plastic bag and then retires
to his favourite park bench.
He then takes out his scalpel and carefully disects his specimens into
perfect pieces which he places adoringly into his pristine lunch box.
Occassionally seen with Nutter Nurse, his sidekick in the Garrick.
submitted by TheHoboist

Podge or 'Bodge', Wythenshawe

As he is affectionately known lives in Wythenshawe but
tells everyone he lives in Gatley. He is famed throughout the borough
for his catalogue of D.I.Y disasters that would make Frank Spencer look
like a trained craftsman. He scores 10 for enthusiasm and 0 for competence,
it's a wonder he's not dead and taken most of Wythenshawe with him. The first
DIY job he undertook many years ago was to attempt to fit a new toilet,
after cr#**ing in the bath for 2 weeks he finally called in a qualified
plumber.
His neighbours wish he did live in Gatley.
Submitted by Mike, Stockport

Mad Ken, Burnage

This prize barnpot used to cycle around Burnage in the 80's on a
woman's bike with a ghetto blaster playing the Birdie song at full blast. The
loon had a bigger beak than Rod Hull's emu! It was alledged that he was
the cousin of City captain Paul Power but it was never proved and Mad
Ken vehemently denied it.
submitted by elephantstone

Mad Dave, Altrincham

The old bloke who has been pushing a cart aruond the streets of Alty for as long as I can remember. Despite his entire vocabulary being made up of strange roaring noises and a sprinkling of abuse, rumour has it he's actually a millionaire with shit loads of property just having a laugh at the public's expense..

Has anyone ever figured out what exact route Mad Dave follows and the purpose of his odyssey?

Great how he gives shit to passing motorists who beep him, like pushing a cart down one the busiest stretches of road in Manchester is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do.

submitted by xray

'market' dave as i know him collects cardboard boxes from alty market and then walks down past the station, past my office window whooping and a hollering - the most entertaining thing that ever happens round here. roll on market day.

submitted by fuckhead

Ah yes, mad dave or dancing dave as i call him.

He can often be found fo a night time freqeunting the pubs of alty doing his mad dance to the juke box or indeed a kareoke night.

Either way he is most entertaining.

submitted by Forlan's hair

That bloke has been around for years ! I pass him 2 or 3 times a week and it's a case of eyes front and pray he doesn't pick on you - 'the nutter on the bus' syndrome. He used to go in The Old Mill - I saw him in there when watching United on Canal+. I'm told he's not as daft as he makes out but whether that's true or not, he does a very good imitation.

submitted by blinty

Mad Dave used to live in Broadheath and would visit my brothers workplace when he worked at Stamford Van Hire, he's not as daft as he makes out, but apparently he's no millionaire. He was gutted when for a wind-up someone hid his cart, took him a week to find it.

Top village idiot though, used to love it in the summer when he walked around with no shirt but kept his flat cap on.

submitted by anon.

I used to live on Sinderland Road and I often saw mad Dave pushing his cart down past mine towards the council places at the back, I presumed he lived there somewhere.

How he hasn't died/been run over, I don't know. I remember even when I was a youngster, he would stagger up and down George Street, shouting through shop doorways and that.

submitted by Helly-Lou

This Mad Dave bollocks.

It's Market Dave if you please.

If you're gonna mock the man at least give him his proper nutter title.

Collecting boxes from Alty market was his forte.

submitted by Fiery Jack

Market / Mad dave still exists - I saw him the week before last holding up all the traffic on washway Road as he walked down the road itself with rag and bone cart.

There used to be this fella in The Robin Hood in Stretford who used cut up crisp packets with a pair of scissors - very meticulous and even more entertaining.

The Urmston has this fella called Bert who pisses anywhere he can.

submitted by shanks

Rocking Colin, Poynton

In Poynton (where I grew up) used to be this mad guy who used to stand around on street corners with a pile of books in one hand with a little red plastic glider on top and rock back and forward. Hence he was christened 'Rocking Colin'. One day he came into a pub I worked in, I served him a half and he stood at the bar with the glass steady as a rock in one hand while the rest of him rocked back and forth.

submitted by Bigfatron

Punch Me, Levenshulme

Theres some paddy in levenshulme, used to be an ex boxer and is now punch drunk, he's always accosting strangers and trying to make them punch him in the head.

Also there's a black guy who always runs up and down the center of the princess parkway dual carriageway with no top on. The running man.

submitted by Shit Head  

Mr Fuck, Chorley

mate of mine grew up in chorley

apparently there was a fella called mr fuck.

he used to stand on the street corner with a notebook, writing 'fuck' in it repeatedly and saying to himselves the immortal words 'fuck fuck fuck'.

nice work if you can get it.

submitted by turkred 

Saucepan Man, Whalley Range

When I used to walk through Whalley Range on the way to Bedes we used to see this bloke cycling round with a saucepan strapped round his head as a makeshift crash-helmet, handle and all.

submitted by ManchesterIsRed

Mike the Bike, Wilmslow

A tramp that rode around on an ancient bike pissed on Special Brew. Used to chat to underage boozers as he cycled past.

Bloke in Macc who sells lighters and yo-yo balls - still fully active.

'Four for a pound yer lighters, three for a pound yer superglue, two for a pound yer yo-yo balls' - in a broad Macc accent.

First thing I hear on my rare sorties back to the High St.

submitted by johnfuego

Billy Bulge, Timperley

Bloke with a slap head and a skin tight pea-green suit who used to wank off on Alty golf course ? And how about the scouse tramp who used to live on the golf course and who the 'Tramp's Pond' is named after ?

submitted by xray 

Dancing Grandad

Not quite in the same nutter league, but does anyone remember the guy who was in his late 40's-early 50's and went to the Venue about 10 years ago.

Looked like a bit of an Acid casualty with grey hair, he used to be on the dance-floor for ages, skipping most of the time. I'm sure he used to wear a blue shirt and leather waistcoat.

submitted by Charming Man

He was ace to watch! he's the sort of bloke you feel sorry for because you know he wouldn't hurt a fly and has taken shitloads of drugs but I bet he used to get so much grief from dickheads taking the piss ( not that he noticed ), yep, Venue. He once got in a conversation with my pals and started telling them about the gigs he'd been to.... might've been bullshit but maybe not, but he named 'em all, Hendrix/Zep/Cream...........

submitted by mancsuze

Thanks for that, wasn't sure if I'd just imagined him in my strange state of mind which was my late teens. He could go for longer than the Duracel Bunny on that dancefloor, must have been high-quality stuff he was taking.

submitted by Charming Man

Last time I went Warrington, in Mr Smiths, there was this really old geezer in there. Must have been getting on for 90, fully dressed up, shirt, tie, blazer in this boiling hot club. Not sure if he was complete off his fucking head, or just fancied a good night out! Either way, he seemed to get his fair share of birds dancing with him!

submitted by M32 Red

Disco Dave, Knutsford

Disco Dave as he's known is from Knutsford and frequents the local pubs dressed in a black suit with trainers. He listens to his Walkman constantly and tries to dance like Michael Jackson in front of everyody ouitside Mr Chips.

submitted by Why Don?

Mad Rita, Sale

There's a woman in Sale - let's call her the Suggestive Shouter about late forties early fifties who you would probabaly think was completely normal. The only thing that might alert you to something being up is the speed she walks, arms folded. She shouts expletives everywhere she goes - Sainsbury's etc. I have personally witnessed, "Have a bloody good rub", " She needs a good hard fuck" and "they're all at it".

submitted by Pie

I don't really know why, as all she really seem to do was talk to herself, but she was VERY scary. maybe it was my age. or maybe the unknown.

submitted by S

mad rita of sale

had (has?) tourrettes, many a peaceful walk back to the office was shatterd by her screeching abuse in my ear. My favourite was when she followed me calling me a "German CUNT !" which was nice.

submitted by xray

There was this woman who used to offer blow jobs for a fiver to all and sundry in The Railway in Sale. She was about 50 and she had goofy teeth. The fiver was for more beer.

She was spectacularly ugly.

Is this mad Rita?

submitted by shanks

Mad Rita and the blow job woman are not the same.
I realised when someone said she has tourettes. Mad Rita still goes for her morning paper at the newsagents on Cross St and usually hasn't taken her medication by then. However in the afternoon she's usually calm :Mad Rita and the blow job woman are not the same.
submitted by devo

Queenie, Altrincham

Anyway what about fucking "Queenie" Proper old-school mentalist baglady of Alty Bus station fame. Favourite spot was towards the 371 stop near that shitty little shop. Always game for a laugh, all it took was a few shouts of "Queenie" and she's be up and running after you like a demented banshee. A favoured pastime for youngsters was to go looking for her "den" which was rumoured to be in woodland near the Bollin. Shit-scary mission that when you were 11. Of course, like all tramps, she was supposed to be A MILLIONAIRE.

submitted by Pie

We remember her She hung around the altrincham bus station, smelt of bonfires and piss. She had brown horn-rimmed NH glasses, no teeth, brown ratty hair. No obscenities unfortunately. This was late 70's - early 80's so maybe it wasn't done in those days to shout as much.

submitted by K&M, Sale

The Margarets, Stockport

Used to work at this mortgage place in Stockport, and this woman used

to come past the office every day. She was in her 60s, long grey hair,

always wore trackie bottoms & carried a sports bag. She was always swearing

her head off loudly, but sometimes it'd be an Irish accent "Go away! Liv me

alorn!" or sometimes in a deeper, Cockney accent "I 'ate yer!". Found

out that she was a schizo (obviously) called Margaret. Well, one of her was

anyway."   

Wandering Nutter, Sale

This guy must be on your website. He walks between Stretford and Sale, backwards and forwards. He's middle-aged (we think, but its hard to tell in nutty years. He could be 24), and he's got a long grey dreadlock (only 1). He shouts to himself, like all the best nutters do. He also carries a rucksack on his back and carries a holdall (upgraded from plastic bags) in each hand. Again, as every good nutter should, he shouts obscenities at you if you try and talk to him (or urban myth claims. Personally, I wouldn't get that close. He smells).

Note - I can personally vouch for this, under no circumstance offer the old chap money unless you want a sound dressing down - Ed.

submitted by K&M, Sale

Shorts Man, Sale

Has anyone mentioned Shorts Man of Sale? He goes into Sainsburys wearing those 70's nylon short shorts, with the split up the sides. He wears them with white trainers and grey socks come sun, rain or hurricanes. The shorts are made all the more poignant by the large strides he insists on taking. I have seen his butt-cheeks more times than i care to recount, often while he is leaning over the checkout to grab his weekly shopping. Not to be confused with the washing machine repair man of Sale who wears shorts all the time. The difference being that he is vaguely compis-mentis. Apparently he lives round the corner from us. I couldn't be happier.

submitted by K&M, Sale

10cc, Heald Green

what about the woman that used to frequent the Heald Green singing 10cc songs and dancing on the tables, her son was a member of afore mentioned band apparently, a few shots over par she was

submitted by Harknowhear