Little Angels A Catholic spiritual companion for Miscarriage & Baby Loss
by Eliora Anat, M.S. OHR
ORDER OF THE HOLY ROSE
About
one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. Numerous mothers and
fathers are left to their own devices in their emotional and spiritual
suffering of miscarriage, stillbirth or infertility. Early pregnancy
loss or failed conception are hardly ever mentioned or are even played
down by those who suffer from them or by their families and friends.
So
many groups protest against abortion but yet there is little public
support of those who did not want to lose their babies through
miscarriage or stillbirth, or of those who live to regret and to repent
an abortion.
This
compendium seeks to offer compassion and comfort and ways to express
the enormous grief and pain that these mothers, fathers, siblings, and
often also grandparents, aunts and uncles and potential godparents are
going through.
I
hope that this book will be a source of companionship, faith and hope
for all sufferers, and that it will be a friend that is inspiring many
others who have gone or are also going through the process of grieving
to share their own feelings and experiences.
Although
this book is drawing on catholic spirituality I hope that the prayers
and readings are also offering support to those of any religious
background or none.
Eliora Anat, Mother Superior, Order of the Holy Rose
When
a baby dies before birth, the parents can seek the prayers of the
Church. A priest, deacon, or lay minister of the parish, or a member of
the family may lead this blessing.
Make the sign of the cross.
The leader begins: Let us praise the Father of mercies, the God of all consolation. Blessed be God for ever.
All respond: Blessed be God for ever.
The leader can use these or similar words to introduce the blessing:
For those who trust in God, in the pain of sorrow there is consolation, in the face of despair there is hope, in the midst of death there is life.
(Name) and (Name), as we mourn the death of your child, we place ourselves in the hands of God and ask strength, for healing, and for love.
Then the Scripture is read: Listen to the words of the book of Lamentations:
My soul is deprived of peace, I have forgotten what happiness is; I tell myself my future is lost, all that I hoped for from the Lord.
But I will call this to mind, as my reason to have hope: The favours of the Lord are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent; They are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness. My portion is the Lord, says my soul; therefore I will hope in him. -- Lamentations 3:17-18, 21-24
The reader concludes: The Word of the Lord. All respond: Thanks be to God.
After a time of silence, all join in the prayers of intercession. These conclude with the Lord's Prayer. Then the leader may invite all to extend their hands over the parents in blessing.
Father and Creator, in whom all life and death find meaning, we bless you at all times, especially when we have need of your consolation.
N. and N. entrust to your care a life conceived in love. May your blessing come upon them now. Remove all anxiety from their minds and strengthen this love so that they may have peace in their hearts and home. We ask this through Christ our Lord.
All respond: Amen. All
make the sign of the cross as the leader concludes: May the almighty
and merciful God bless and protect us, the Father, the Son, and the
Holy Spirit
All respond: Amen.
+++
The First Little Angel: Miriam
I
am invited to sing at the wedding of my best friend’s son. On the way
to the church, I suddenly feel nauseous in the car and we have to stop
many times before we finally arrive at the church. My friend smiles and
says, ‘Well the last time I felt like this and looked like you do now
was, when I was pregnant with my last son.’ My stomach keeps me so busy
that I do not even grasp the implication of this suggestion. I
manage to breathe deeply and to give the bride and groom an idea of
Heavenly bliss through the music but in the following weeks I
increasingly suffer from all symptoms ascribed to early pregnancy. When
I see my gynaecologist he is not of much help. He does an ultrasound
but without many explanations. I just feel he keeps something from me.
Then he finds an excuse to hand me over to his partner at my next
visit, who also seems to be confused but says everything was fine. It
is far from it. I cannot even travel on public transport without the
fear of feeling sick and only a tape with my husband's soothing
guitar-music keeps me calm. Then,
at the end of the second month I change to yet another doctor, and he
tells me that I am about to lose my baby. And that is all he has to
offer. He says that it will probably all take its natural course within
the next few days. And it does. I am left devastated.
Eternal rest grant unto little Miriam, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
SERENITY PRAYER
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living ONE DAY AT A TIME; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen
Reinhold Neibuhr-1926
The Second Little Angel: Rose
This
time I am not nauseous but I wake up with enormous pain in my abdomen.
My period has been late for a while but we were working on a lot of
projects and have been under the usual creative stress accordingly. Our
diet is also not the healthiest one either... The pain gets so bad that I have to be hospitalized. Then
the news: I have been pregnant and the baby has not grown. I am given
antibiotics for the inflammation of the ovaries and the advice to rest
until after the heavy bleeding stops. Welcome and farewell in one moment. Someone says: ‘Oh, well, never mind, you can always try again.’
Eternal rest grant unto little Rose, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
Dearest St. Therese, you are the Little Flower of Jesus. Pray this day that I may be made well in body, mind and spirit. Help me to always see, as you so clearly did, that my sufferings and trials are meant to cleanse and purify me that I may be more worthy to receive God's unending love.
Amen.
Born
in 1873, Therese of Lisieux entered the Carmelite convent at the tender
age of 15 with the declaration, 'I want to be a saint.' She led a
quiet, obscure, humble life in the convent, recognizing that her
greatest work would come later. 'After my death, I will let fall a
shower of roses. I will spend my heaven doing good on earth.' And thus
it has been: since her untimely death at age 24, her intercession has
brought cures, miracles, and blessings, many accompanied by roses or
the scent of roses. She was canonized in 1925, and in 1997, Pope John
Paul II declared her a 'Doctor of the Church' because of her tremendous
spiritual legacy.
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The Third Little Angel: Faith
This
time I start bleeding really badly around the eighth week. The blood is
not fresh but of a brownish colour with an odour. I am consulting a
very famous gynaecologist this time, who has been recommended to me. I
explain to him that the bleeding is very unusual and that I am in a lot
of pain and have a high temperature. He has all the latest ultrasound
equipment but does not use it on me due to the bleeding, and puts me on
antibiotics instead. One week in agony goes by, two weeks with constant
pain, bleeding and fever pass and in the third week the doctor
announces he is going on a holiday. By that time my husband is deeply
worried, and therefore the gynaecologist suggests to transfer me to his
private clinic. There he takes the very first ultrasound - before I can
tell him to let me have a longer look at the baby in my tummy he
switches the screen off and says, ‘oh, there is nothing to see’, which
was a plain lie. He leaves the same day, and I am condemned to another
round of antibiotics in a drip. In
the fourth week (the second in hospital) I know I am going to die, if I
do not discharge myself and seek specialist help. I call the university
hospital, and am told to come the next day first thing in the morning.
The female registrar immediately recognizes the state I am in, and
suggests to have an operation the next day, which is confirmed finally
by her male colleagues. The consultant arranges for me to be the first
in the operating theatre the next morning but tells me I have to go
home meanwhile as they do not have a free bed. By now I have an even
higher temperature than before, am in agony because of the pain and
totally weak due to the long weeks of constant bleeding. But
I do grab a cab, go home and come back the next morning. The consultant
sees me waiting in front of the preparation room, is grabbing his two
registrars and tells me to come with them into the room and to climb on
the gynaecological chair for a quick examination. Then he performs a
complete D & C without warning and without anaesthetics. I can see
that even the two assistants are horrified at what is happening.
Afterwards he says, ‘Oh, now you will feel so much better.’ The
one good news is that on a physical level I do feel better, and, yes, I
will live. But on the emotional and spiritual level I feel brutally
violated. Shortly afterwards I am being brought to my room, which has
been booked for me since the day before, and I am told off by the nurse
that I have gone home the night before. When I comment that the
consultant has told me to, she said, ‘Oh, yes, I believe that. He is
always playing games with the patients. And he gets away with it.’ I
cannot take in what I am hearing but when the consultant later comes to
me for his visit I confront him. He just laughs at me and says, ‘What
do you want. I saved your life.’ I find just about enough strength to
say to him: ‘Yes, and I am grateful for that. But I never ever want to
see you again.’ And I insist to see a different consultant.
I
am grateful to have had survived another life-threatening situation but
in the process I have lost my third baby and realise that I must never
give up the responsibility for my own life to anyone else, especially
not to certain doctors who seem to think of themselves as infalliable
and invincible.
Eternal rest grant unto little Faith, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen. +++
Bless
all doctors and nurses and all who work in our hospitals so that their
medical skills and human care may assist those suffering weakness and
disease.
+++
Pater Noster
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen
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The Fourth Little Angel: Mathilda
This
time everything seems fine. I rest and relax but then I start to bleed
again out of the blue. I am in deep despair. Suddenly I see a radiant
white light. A hand is inviting me into the light. I step inside the
light and I stand in front of an angel with a beautiful radiant face
and long golden-white curly locks. He smiles at me with great
gentleness. I tell him that I am very sad about this pregnancy failing
again but he replies that the time is simply not right yet. His message
gives me a lot of hope, comfort and faith because I know now it will
only be a matter of time until we finally hold God’s child in our arms.
Eternal rest grant unto little Mathilda, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
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Act of Love
O
my God, I love Thee with my whole heart and above all things, because
Thou art infinitely good and perfect; and I love my neighbour as myself
for love of Thee. Grant that I may love Thee more and more in this
life, and in the next for all eternity. Amen
+++
Salve Regina
Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of mercy! Hail, our life, our sweetness and our hope!
To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To Thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate Thine eyes of mercy towards us and after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of Thy womb, Jesus O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! +++ The Angelus
(To be said at 6am, noon and 6pm daily, except during the Easter season) V. The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary. R. And she conceived of the Holy Spirit.
Hail
Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee! Blessed art thou amongst
women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus! Holy Mary, Mother
of God, pray for us sinners now, and in the hour of our death. Amen.
V. Behold the handmaid of the Lord R. Let it be done unto me according to thy word.
Hail Mary,... V. And the Word was made flesh R. And dwelt among us.
Hail Mary,...
V. Pray for us, O holy Mother of God R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ
Let us pray: Pour forth, we beseech Thee, O Lord, Thy grace into our hearts, That we, to whom the Incarnation of Christ Thy Son was made known by the message of an angel, may, by His Passion and Cross, be brought to the glory of His Resurrection Through the same Christ, Our Lord Amen.
+++
The Regina Caeli
(To be said instead of the Angelus during the Easter Season)
Rejoice, O Queen of Heaven, Alleluia! For He Whom thou didst merit to bear, Alleluia! Has risen as He said, Alleluia! Pray for us to God, Alleluia! V. Rejoice and be glad, O Virgin Mary, Alleluia! R. For the Lord has risen indeed, Alleluia!
Let us pray: O God, who hast given joy to the whole world through the Resurrection of They Son, our Lord Jesus Christ; grant that through the prayers of His Virgin Mother Mary, we may obtain the joys of everlasting life. Through the same Christ, our Lord Amen.
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The Memorare
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who
fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your
intercession, was left unaided. Inspired then with confidence, I fly
unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother! To you do I come, before you
I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise
not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
+++ Guardian Angel prayer
Angel of God, my guardian dear To whom God's love commits me here Ever this day (night) be at my side To light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen
+++
Act of Faith
O
my God, I firmly believe all the truths that the Holy Catholic Church
believes and teaches; I believe these truths, O Lord, because Thou, the
infallible Truth, hast revealed them to her; in this faith I am
resolved to live and die. Amen.
+++
Act of Hope
O
my God, relying on Thy promises, I hope that, through the infinite
merits of Jesus Christ, Thou wilt grant me pardon of my sins, and the
graces necessary to serve Thee in this life and to obtain eternal
happiness in the next. Amen
+++
The Fifth Little Angel is finally with us in this world: Julia
Thanks be to God!
After my encounter with the angel I start to pray Hannah’s prayer:
'O
Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your
maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will
give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord
all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head" (1
Samuel 1:10-11)
Three
months after the message of the angel the miracle occurrs and I
conceive without any problems and the whole pregnancy is without any
complications; in fact, I have never felt so healthy and energized in
my whole life. At that stage I am 38. I feel on top of the world and
thank God on a daily basis for His blessing.
I write the following poem during the pregnancy:
The Spiral of Life
There are already signs That nothing will ever be quite The same again:
The Holy Spirit gives us The ultimate challenge to grow Beyond our selves.
It zooms the playground of life Into a new dimension, Where our every step Is suddenly measured on the scale Of but the best option For your well-being;
The pregnant joy and The responsibility without escape Are two overwhelming feelings For the newcomer called parent - They make us realize how mortal We are.
We want desperately to avoid Our parents’ mistakes and build Splendid castles of love instead Filled with the innocent laughter Of your soul.
You will be our mirror For facing the truths we did not yet Discover as you have just arrived From the secret unseen worlds -
You open the gates to the greater we And to the future beyond your parents’ Grasp.
Our lives will fade slowly into timelessness; Now it is your turn to lead us Into new horizons.
We give you the gift of birth but you Allow us to finally grow out of the shoes Of our past to learn walking again Towards a new time and space We will be blessed to share with you For a little while.
Suddenly
there is a sharp pain in my breasts. I have stopped breastfeeding in
July. Could I have mastitis after such a long time? It is December now.
I also feel pains on and off in my lower abdomen. When we stop by a shop I suddenly feel drawn to a jar with pickled onions. Back at home, a voice whispers from my heart:’Didn’t you like these onions, when you were pregnant last time?’ The
loud and confident voice of the days after Tiffany’s birth has lost a
bit of its invincibility after four years of waiting for another child,
the so much longed for sister or brother for Julia. And now, it is suddenly back: ‘You are pregnant.’ Then
the dream: A dark blue combination pram with two hoods. I want to show
the baby boy to my friends but he closes both hoods, so that he cannot
be seen. From then on I know the time is not yet right. A
few days later I pass a fifty pence sized piece of tissue in the
toilet. After three days of light spotting and bedrest my worst
suspicions seem to manifest. I call the NHS direct and they send an
ambulance straight away to take me to hospital. Julia calls after me,
'Don't forget to breathe, mummy!' When we arrive at the A & E
department blood starts to pour out of me and I am eventually put on a
drip on a bed , and throughout the whole night nature takes its course
and I pray all night for my baby and say my farewells and give thanks
to God that He allowed me to nurture this life at least for a little
while, even though we have to part again. Motherhood cannot get not
much more sacrificial than that except for giving your own life for
your child.
When
we come home, Julia asks me, where the baby is. That is heartbreaking -
I try to explain. She thinks that I have gone into hospital to give
birth! Well, I did, I went through the labour but without having a baby
in my arms in the end. The end is silent and the womb emptied without a
beautifully screaming baby put into my arms and starting to grasp life
in this world.
It
is her, my special three-year old girl, who gives me strength, and
who gently makes me pray to God with her for a new baby. She suggests
that I might not have prayed enough for this baby, and the more I think
about it, the more I agree with her - after my miracle gift I took this
baby for granted.
Therefore, we have very special prayers and blessings to say farewell to Daniel.
Eternal rest grant unto little Daniel, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.
+++
He blossoms like a flower and withers; he
vanishes like a shadow and does not endure... Seeing his days are
determined, the number of his months are with You, You set him limits
that could not pass.
Job 14:2,5 +++ Oh,
God, I commend back to your safekeeping the potential life entrusted to
me for so short a time, even as I grieve its passing out of the
protection of my womb.
+++
You know, when the wild goats of the rock give birth, You mark when the hinds calve.
Job 39:1
+++
Oh,
God, in the shadow of Your wings, for You God of parents, God of
children, God of us all, guard and shelter us. You are a gracious and
loving God. Guard our coming and our going, grant us life and peace,
now and always, for You are the Source of life and peace. May we as a holy community in Your Name support and love our friends in time of pain as well as in times of joy.
+++
The Seventh Little Angel: Ezekiel
I
hear the angels singing after conception and know I am pregnant nearly
from the onset. But then the big shock - a three day bleeding. Days
afterwards I suddenly feel increasingly nauseous, and buy a pregnancy
test just in case - and it turns out positive. Thanks be to God! In my
great joy and appreciation I tell my husband and those of my friends
who have witnessed my tiredness and nausea. I call the Early Pregnancy
Assessment Unit and they give me an appointment for the next week. When
I arrive there, the sonographer tells me that it is too early for an
ultrasound scan. She does one anyway but it remains inconclusive. The
bloodtests show that all readings are marginal but low. After
a second test the margins have gone down even more, and I am told that
I actually miscarried before I have taken the test, and that it has
only come out positive because it was at such an early stage in
pregnancy, where all the hormones are still all over the places. I feel
pregnant for another six weeks until finally the heavy bleeding brings
out the placental tissue. Meanwhile
God only sends me comforting dreams and I feel the presence of many
angels and saints. I am not giving up hope, and my faith certainly
helps me to hold out with patience and trust that all will be well in
the time God has designated for this child to come into this world.
Eternal rest grant unto little Ezekiel, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.
+++
Oh, Ezekiel, how I long for you! The son of God's grace... You and I were meant to be... Can I tell you about God's love, little one? That His hand holds your soul and with every breath, sweet Ezekiel, He is ushering you here.
Ezekiel's Grace...oh child of God Will touch the world - yes, you will! You will touch the world with your grace and your spirit!
We named all our six children and had a baptismal candle blessed by a Bishop and a Priest with their names on it.
+++
God heals the broken-hearted, And binds up their wounds. God reckons the number of stars, giving each one its name.
Great is God and full of power Whose wisdom is beyond reckoning
God gives courage to the lowly And brings hope to those bereft. So may God always be with us.
based on Psalm 147:2-6
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PRAYER OF ST. THERESA
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
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The Hail Mary
The
Ave Maria is perhaps the most popular of all the Marian prayers. It is
composed of two distinct parts, a Scriptural part and an intercessory
part. The first part, the Scriptural part, is taken from the Gospel of
St. Luke and joins together the words of the Angel Gabriel at the
Annunciation (Lk 1:28) together with Elizabeth's greeting to Mary at
the Visitation (Luke 1:42). The joining of these two passages can be
found as early as the fifth, and perhaps even the fourth, century in
the eastern liturgies of St. James of Antioch and St. Mark of
Alexandria. It is also recorded in the ritual of St. Severus (538 AD).
In the west it was in use in Rome by the 7th century for it is
prescribed as an offertory antiphon for the feast of the Annunciation.
The great popularity of the phrase by the 11th century is attested to
in the writings of St. Peter Damian (1007-1072) and Hermann of Tournai
(d.c. 1147). Later, probably by Pope Urban IV around the year 1262,
Jesus' name was inserted at the end of the two passages. The
second half of the prayer (Holy Mary..) can be traced back to the 15th
century where two endings are found. One ending, Sancta Maria, Mater
Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, is found in the writings of St.
Bernardine of Siena (1380-1444 AD) and the Carthusians. A second
ending, Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis nunc et in hora mortis
nostrae, can be found in the writings of the Servites, in a Roman
Breviary, and in some German Dioceses. The current form of the prayer
became the standard form sometime in the 16th century and was included
in the reformed Breviary promulgated by Pope St. Pius V in 1568.
AVE
MARIA, gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et
benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro
nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.
Hail
Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst
women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother
of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
+++
ACT OF CONSECRATION TO MARY from the writings of St Maximilian Kolbe
O Immaculate Queen of heaven and earth, Refuge of sinners and our most loving Mother, I cast myself at your most holy feet, imploring you to take me as your possession and property. To you, O Mother, I consecrate all my powers of soul and body, my life, my death and my eternity, to do with as you please. Let me be a fit instrument in your immaculate hands for making you known by so many who are so far from God and from the Church; and thus extend as quickly as possible everywhere the kingdom of the most Sacred Heart of Jesus. All this I can do only with your help. Permit me to praise and honour you, O blessed Virgin, Give me strength against your enemies. Amen.
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Nunc Dimittis – A Prayer for the Dead
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord, Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears attend to the voice of my supplication. If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt, Lord, who could survive? But there is forgiveness in you, and we revere you for it. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watch-men for the morning. O
Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with Him is plenteous redemption. And He will redeem Israel from
all iniquities. Eternal rest grant unto N., O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon(him, her, them). May (he, she, they) rest in peace. Amen. O Lord, hear my prayer. And let me cry come to you. O God, creator and redeemer of all the faithful, grant to the souls of your departed servants the forgiveness of all their sins. Through my prayer, may they obtain the pardon they have always desired. Amen
Psalm 130 (129)
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Hildegard von Bingen
Vision 14:
The Song of Rejoicing Softens the Hard Heart and Summons the Holy Spirit
For
the song of rejoicing softens hard hearts, and draws forth from them
the tears of compunction, and invokes the Holy Spirit. And so those
voices you hear are like the voice of a multitude, which lifts its
sound on high; for jubilant praises, offered in simple harmony and
charity, lead the faithful to that consonance in which is no discord,
and make those who still live on earth sigh with heart and voice for
the heavenly reward. And
their song goes through you so that you understand them perfectly; for
where divine grace has worked, it banishes all dark obscurity, and
makes pure and lucid those things that are obscure to the bodily senses
because of the weakness of the flesh.
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Last Thoughts Ziggy Agocsi
Beloved, when my spirit will have left,
Do not cry a single tear
Because, where I shall be,
There shall be always peace
For illuminated is the
Eternal day.
And there, where all the sorrows
Of the Earth are gone
I shall not forget you,
And I will beg for you
That your wounds may heal,
That your pain may fade away.
And when peace shall gently
Touch the universe,
Then you shall no longer
Think of my hill on Earth
Because I shall greet you
From the stars.
