sitting in s&e, with not much to do but update my sites, and read through friend's xangas. i got upset yesterday, over the most pathetic of things. i thought i was tougher than that, but it just comes to show you how easily words can hurt. but anyways, i'm feeling good now. yesterday after school, i went to the cinemas with lain, and his friends garnham and hannah, to see elizabethtown. the film was weird/okay, well the parts i seen of it. hehehe.
it was kewl to meet garnham after all of the stories both lain and arran have filled me in with, as well as his infamous story that never ceases to freak you out, and/or make you roll around with a bad case of hysterical sick laughter. i guess you'd have to read the story to understand... hmm.
i should really start to update this site more often, but to be honest, i lose all motivation and i doubt many even read it anymore. i think most people think i've given up on updating it, and probably don't even think to check. but i'm sure i have a few photos to update it with, and there's always a few quotes to add. but motivation is another thing i definitely lack, these past few weeks i've felt exhausted every single day. i don't know what's wrong with me, i've been sleeping a lot, yet i'm still tired.
i get to see lain again tomorrow, after he finishes work i'm going to his house with him, then i think later in the afternoon/evening shannon's coming over to spend the night. we didn't get to last weekend, it's weird when she's not over for a while. i don't much like it. not at all.
drama rehersals next lesson, then science. score. =P
i feel so tired lately, this past week has knocked me out completely- even if i have a lot of sleep. we had the river cruise last week, on thursday. i ended up wearing a black polka dot skirt with leggings underneath, black heels and a polka dot headband. we had tons of fun, moshed to the very few decent songs the dj ended up playing and took tons of pictures. hopefully i'll put some up soon, if i have the energy to do so.
lunchtime was awesome today (in a morbid kinda way). kody got nathan to put prickles into his legs, to see how many he could take and how much it'd hurt. he ended up getting some sort of rash on his leg and pulled them all out. we sat there, laughing away at how idiotic the whole scenario was. but the funniest thing was, on the way home, me and kody had such a mature conversation about the stupid things we do at school.
aaanyways- tomorrow me, shan and amy are going to see pride and predjudice. i'm really excited actually, i haven't been to the cinemas in ages. i've also added some quotes, about 8. see them here
heyloo. this week has been fantastic. lain asked me out on monday, and i got to see him yesterday and today, where we walked around "aimlessly" around the shops and about 3 parks. he also got his learner's permit, so that's kewl.
and tomorrow is going to be another day that will rock. i'm meeting lain at the cinemas at 12, and we're going to see "40 year old virgin", then we're catching a bus back to his house and watching a disney movie. yey! lol. so non adult of us, but i don't care. i think we're going to watch the aristocats. hehehe, i haven't seen it in such a long time.
and then shannon's sleeping over tomorrow night, and then we're going to supre on sunday to get my dress for the rivercruise. if the brown one i like doesn't look right i was thinking i'd probably get a black dress instead. whee.
& with you boy, I'll never forget anything about you...
A play on some lyrics I love. Is this true? When you first feel that rush of butterflies, or your friendship/relationship keeps developing over time, there's so many things that amount to how special that person that is. Does it contribute to the furture and who you are? Who you are together? Is there an impact? Could I be an impact on you? Answer me, that.
I don't want to grow up, yet I'm dying to be.
Gah. Why can't life be as simple as ABC? When little kids could run wild without a care in the world? I feel like I'm on the brink of independance, of maturity and of self-responsibility. While I sometimes feel like I already have some of these characteristics, I don't need them. I have things to rely on, but soon- I'm expected to do everything myself. While I wish for these childhood memories and irrelevant times that seem to make up entire friendships and smiles I want to be independant in a different way. I'll maintain to want an adult relationship and be able to feel grown up when I want to, when it comes to expressing my opinion or conversing about things I don't particuarly need to- but I just don't want to have to be that way. It should be a choice, not a demand.
Be my escape... [That's all I need from you]
I've recently noticed around our group of friends an incessant need to get out. Pack your bags, leave- just go somewhere. Will we ever be satisfied with what we have? We'll always be sure there's something else out there. And there is- the question is, could we live it? I've done it 4 times already, yet I'm eager for more. I want to experience, I want to go away with him. Whoever he is... I feel restless.
Do I? Could I? Would I? Does he?
Gah- signals and words tend to backfire with me, everything now delivered to be can never completely be considered genuine. Forgive me. I'm lost. And it's not about the person, it's about the other....
I'm not your star. Isn't that what you said?
And it will continue to haunt me forever. As I'll let myself be reminded of those dark times, but I'm begging to relive them. I did right- he agrees, but could I change it? Would he have acted differently too? And I'd let no other throw me on the ground. Ironic, isn't it? I feel happier now, than ever before. I'm sick.
"I kinda like you..."
It's just want he thought I wanted to here, and I admit, I acted in a way I shouldn't have, but it felt nice to be wanted. I hate feeling so lonely sometimes, but I know it wasn't right. Nothing will ever happen, he'll probably know that too.
That's my voice... Rising.
I want to scream. And my legs can't stop moving and my hands can't resist the urge to shake. I feel trapped. And I hate it.
ooh! new layout! from the ataris song, isn't it pretty? there was a few i liked including tbs- set phasers to stun, spill canvas- the tide, and the postal service- the district sleeps alone tonight. but i just really liked this one, plus lain also preferred this one too =)
well... it's the last day of holidays, i should either be doing english homework or reading. but instead, i'm online. i think i'm going to delete my obsessions page, i'm not even "obsessed" with half of the things on there, plus i'm too lazy to re-arrange the cliques all again. and, i'd like to re-do my "100 things" page. hmm, maybe i will! ooh, i've also added one quote.
i'll update later tonight... xo.
ooh! this may sound incredibly weird, but i so completely feel like i'm in england atm! tis soo weird. i just remember summer night's there when it would be light until about 9 o clock and all the kids would be out playing in the street until then- even later sometimes.
i miss that. i miss living so close to my friends that we'd all go out everyday and have tons of fun- even if it was doing nothing. but when you try to do it here, it's just not the same. my internet life is pretty much my life, and that's kind of sad. but there's nothing else to do but that really...
i have moved on from england, i have decided i'm better off here- but that doesn't mean i miss the little things that used to make up my days. i know i'm a whole new person now; does that mean i'm fake? bleh... i think you can't help but change when you're in a place so different surrounded by new people. i didn't purposely do it- it just kind of happened... over time...