Luigi Mario

Double Dragon

Release: 1994

Intorduction:

Every once in awhile, people wonder why certain movies were even made...let alone video game movies. Strret Fighter, Super Mario Brothers, the God-awful Mortal Kombat: Annilhilation, among others. But this one really takes the cake! Riding on the very popular, but somewhat dwindling franchise that was Double Dragon, the now-defunct Hollywood studio, Imperial Entertainment, reached a deal back in 1991 to come up with a reliable script within three years based on the series. The end result was absolutely horrible and an insult to Technos and Double Dragon fans alike. The storyline should've been easy to come up with! But I'll get more into that in this review. So here it goes...

Big thanks to badmovies.org for the pics!

Reviewed By: Legend

The movie starts off with a very retarded scene wear this ninja (who is Lind Lash from the games) destroys this Chinese village in search of a medallion that's known as the...and I shit you not..."Double Dragon". Very creative huh? Anyways, after the boring scene is over, the movie takes us to babbling Robert Patrick...er...I mean, Shuko, that's telling everyone what the medallion's good for. But he needs the other half. Oh no!

After that ridiculous scen, we then now go to a scene were Billy and his no longer twin brother, Jimmy, are fighting in a martial arts tourney that they can't win and for stupid reason...they throw nuggies! Nuggies people for Christ sake! What the hell were they smoking?! I don't ever remember grabbing an enemy in the game with a headlock and giving them nuggies! Anyways, I won't say too much because...well quite frankly...the plot sucks horribly!

Do you know who that is above?? It's everyone's favorite villian, Abobo (or Bo Abobo according to the movie)! They messed up his character so bad that I don't think anyone ever forgave Imperial for it! Oh, and by the way...he's not an African-American in the movie like he was in the games! Just look at that! I still can't get over the fact that he says the most retarded thing like "Home-lee!" and  "Ug-lee!". Someone should just find the writer of this trash and just shoot him at point blank range! However, despite me hating on Abobo...he actually grew on me throughout the movie for some odd reason. Wish I could say the same for Billy & Jimmy...

That's  right, like I said earlier, Billy & Jimmy aren't twins in this movie! They're just simply brothers. Whatever. The fight scens are pretty retarded to look at. It just seemed like the director told them to improvise! Although one scene, where they fight in a junkyard no less, did kind of interest me a bit. But come on, PARKING CONES in combat?! If, it doesn't get any worse than that, Billy & Jimmy have what is possibly the gayest secret handshake I've ever seen! You've got to see it to believe it! Oh, and look at Billy's girlfriend Marian in the movie...you won't believe your eyes! That's all I have to say about it.

Go ahead and laugh at this scene...it's actually in the movie! Anyways, another important thing to point out is that Billy & Jimmy's personalities from the games are nothing like they are in the movie! I don't know how much I would get pissed off everytime I heard Billy say "SWEEET!" or "Dude!". The reason I call out Billy is because he's my personal favorite Double Dragon character...and they totally ruined his character by making him some little hard headed 17 year old kid! There's no excuse for that! One famous line that I will constantly flip back to is the saying by Billy and Jimmy that goes like this:

Jimmy: Hey bro man!

Billy: We're gonna wipe the floor with your skull!

*end scene*

Double Dragon is a huge insult to the fans! The whole transformming from some stupid medal idea was just stupid beyond words! what would've made this a good movie? Hmm, make half of the scenes fight scenes, have a kidnapped girlfriend, a crazy ass guy with a machine gun, and have ACTUAL twin brothers who know actual MARTIAL ARTS. Oh, and please get rid of the horrible acting with bad dialogue. I'm pretty sure half of the cast wanted to commit  suicide after they saw the finished product! I sure would've! This movie actually deserved all of the hate it has towards it...and for good reason! I think the Dojo Master at the Double Dragon Dojo said it best...this should be called "Billy and Jimmy's Kindergarten Adventures". Ummm...play the Neo Geo game based on the movie instead. You'll have a much better time!

The final verdict: F