Sunset Suicide

Nursery Rhymes, or, Why Children Grow Up Twisted. I've always loved some nursery rhymes, and I'll forever be amazed that people find them appropirate for small children....

Here comes the candle to light you to bed,

And here comes the chopper to chop off your head.

There was a little man,

and he had a little gun,

and his bullets were made of

lead, lead, lead....

He went to a brook

and saw a little duck,

and shot it through the

head, head, head...

He carried it home

to his old whife Joan,

and bad her fire to

make, make, make...

To roast the little duck

he had shoot in the brook,

and he'd go and fetch the

drake, drake, drake...

There once was a crooked man

Who lived in a crooked house

With a crooked smile

With a crooked mouse

Upon a crooked hill

In a far off crooked land

Wanting nothing more

Than to be as straight as he can.

Then one day, a magic faity apeared

And promised to end all he had feared

One wish...

'Fix me' cried the crooked man

And life will be swell

Straighten my crooked back

And all will be well.

'I can grant you your wish

But there is a price to pay'

'Please hurry' cried the crooked man

'And no more delay'

The with a wave of his hand

There was a mighty crack

And there stood the crooked man

With a straight back.

And for mere seconds

Numbering five

The crooked man was indeed

The happiest man alive.

But the price of this miracle

Was not so divine

For in the process

It had broken his spine.

Five fleeting seconds

Of life erectified

When sad to say

The crooked man died.

The moral is obvious

In this tale of lore

Be careful what you ask

You might get what you wish for.

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,

and can't tell were to find them;

Leave them alone, and they'll come home,

and bring their tailes behind them.

Little Bo-Peep fell fast asleep,

and dreamed she heard them bleating;

But when she awoke, she found it a joke,

for they were still a-fleeting.

Then up she took her little crook,

determinated for to find them;

She found them indeed, but it made her hear bleed,

for they'd left all their tails behind them.

Sing a song of sixpence,

a pocket full of rye;

Four and twenty blackbirds

baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened,

the birds began to sing;

Was not that a dainty dish,

to set before the King?

The King was in the parlour,

counting out his money;

The Queen was in the kitchen,

eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden,

hanging out the clothes;

There came a little blackbird,

and snipped off her nose.

My dear, do you know,

How a long time ago,

Two poor little children,

Who's names I don't know,

Were stolen away,

One fine summer's day,

And left in a wood,

As I've heard people say.

And when it was night,

So sad was their plight,

The sun it went down,

And the moon gave no light!

They sobbed and they sighed,

And they bitterly cried,

And the poor little things,

They lied down and died.

And when they were dead,

The robin so red

Brought strawberry leaves,

And over them spread;

And all day long,

They sung them this song;

'Poor babes in the wood! Poor babes in the wood!

And don't you remember the babes in the wood?'

They who wash on Monday,

have all the week to dry.

They that wash on Thuesday,

are not so much awry.

They that was on Wedensday,

are not so much to blame.

They that wash on Thuresday,

wash for shame.

They that wash on Friday,

wash in need.

They that wash on Saturday,

oh! They're sluts indeed!

Three blind mice, se how they run!

They all ran after the farmer's wife,

Who cut off their tails with the carving-knife.

Did you ever see such fools in your life?

Three blind mice.

Rock-a-by, baby, the cradle is green;

Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen;

And Betty's a Lady, and wears a gold ring;

And Johnny's a drummer, and drums for the King.

Hush-a-by, baby, on the tree top,

When the wind blows the cradle will rock.

When the bough bends, the cradle will fall;

Down will come baby, bough, cradle, and all.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbeling after.