So sorry i haven't been updating~ ^^ i have been busy with exams and some other things...Somtimes i feel that i don't understand myself at all...maybe i'm too easy to be influenced by others...maybe it's just me and my wierd feelings...sometimes i feel i don't deserve what i have now...don't ask me why...i just think so...
I know everything feels happy when you know that the guy you like likes you back too...i'm super extreme happy too...but i feel a bit unsecure...for wierd reasons...it's not his problem...it's my own problem of being too sensitive...*sigh*
Maybe i feel that he is just too good for me...yea...that's the reason...don't ask me why...i just feel that i don't deserve him...ok i'm getting ridiculous here...my world mind has been spinning ever since we knew we like each other...can i say giddy with happiness? I sound love-sick -.-;;;
Mann...i have so much going on in my mind...but i can't express it...maybe exams had got the better of me? *sigh* I have so many mixed feelings now...i just feel i'm all alone...empty...i dunno...
Maybe i just think too much -.-;; i do think too much...i really dunno what to write anymore T-T i don't have the urge to write 'cos i just feel emptiness...XD k~ i gtg cya everyone! *boring entry mind me* ^^
i am so unlucky!!!
I realised that i will get sick almost everytime before my birthday...the percentage is 80...the more i get excited about it...like i want to have a party or something...i will get sick nearer my birthday...but how can you expect someone to forget their own birthday!!! >__<Mayb i should take some kind of medicine to make myself forget my own birthday...*pouts* no fair...>_> *sigh* forget it...at least i'm ok now...no fever...no headache...no upset stomache...dun freek out ok? I DON'T HAVE sars! >_____<
Yesterday was really torture...i wish i was dead...*touch wood* =p i feel so hot...even though my body temperature didn't reach 39 degree celsius...my whole body was like burning...i can't go to sleep...i feel dizzy...i feel so weak...i thought i was going to die soon...*touch wood*
But it is really a bad experience...i think that's the worst fever i had for my life >____< i SO glad i'm back to normal again~ last time when i am ok...i have to go to school...and i always wants to stay at home for a day or two...but the only chance i get to rest is holiday and weekends...and of course when i'm SICK...but i rather go to school and tire myself then stay at home and let stupid germs toture me >____< it's horrible i tell you~ i feel 'sheng1 bu4 ru2 si3'
*shakes head* it's all over now...at least this time...
Arigatou^^*
Thank you everyone!!!^^I want to thank Danyu, Ella, Sing Hun, Audrey...(everybody la!^^)I have to thank Danyu, although she did make me quite confused about what exactly if Light and darkness in life...XD
Actually, Danyu got me thinking about my life...sometimes...i feel that i'm living for others...even though it's MY life...i know life is a lot more easier if i can just do anything and don't care about what others say or feel...i tried it before...and i think it hurt people...but it hurts me more...
I know sometimes i get confused or even hurt by my friends...i don't know how to trust...but...i couldn't just be hurtful to others just because of that person...so i really trust all my friends...yes, somethings...i don't tell them...but it's not i'm trying to be secretive or want to hide from them...i don't want to bother my friends when i got bad marks...
I mean...it's just a test...or maybe it's a exam...it's not that i don't care about exams and tests...but the result you got...it will not change...even if you complain...or cry...it's won't do anything...i'm not saying that those who does cry or complain or feel bad are being unreasonable...i DO NOT mean that...i'm just saying that i trust my friends a lot...i won't hide anything from them...if they want to know...sure...i can tell them...but sometimes...this so called 'secret' is just some stupid stuff! Why be upset because your friend don't want to tell you some rubbish things!?^^
I know the world is made up of Light and Darkness...and i know that they are BOTH important...but i don't really know where i belong...i know i'm not Light...i'm not always good...i'm not Darkness...i'm not always evil....so am i in the middle? Is there such a thing as the Middle? Or am i in the emptiness? 0.0
Ok...so i'm gray...the middle of black and white my friends says...hee...alright then...i'm gray and in the middle and is in the emptiness...o.o;;; I still don't make sense...aw...i better put that aside first...^^Anyway...i'm grateful to everyone today...Danyu, Ella, Sing Hun, Audrey and every everyone!!! XD I'm glad i have so many friends again!^^*
Light and Darkness
What is life...that i don't know...but i know life has light and darkness...no matter what...everyone's life has darkness and light...
Actually...i know some ppl likes darkness more than light...while some like light more than darkness...i do not belong to either of that...i can say that i like both darkness and light...or i can say that i hate both light and darkness...pretty wierd i can say...
i can belong to the middle...or i can say i don't belong >.<
sometimes i really don't know myself...i can't find myself...not as in i'm lost...it's that...i don't understand my life...i don't even understand life o.o...
better keep this short...or i'll go on and on about this ^^*
Thank you^^*
Some people say being an only child is good...some thinks having siblings is better...being an only child, of course i wish i have siblings...
how many people with siblings actually enjoys it? Most don't. But i really hope to have an elder sister...although i know it's impossible...so i decide to treat my friends just lyk my siblings.
Wierd huh?! But i really treasures my friends...at least i hope i do...i don't feel lonely if i have friends...i don't feel sad around them...they bring me laughter and joy...they brighten my life and makes me come out of darkness...they are my light and lead me on my life...i don't know what i'll do without them. I would like to thank all my friends..even boys...i have to give a big thank you.*bows*
i think my friends really brought me a lot of joy...most importantly...they are my moral support...they help me out...they listen to my problems...they share their problems...gives me advice...and comforts me when i'm low.
I don't know how to express my gratitude for all my friends...but i'm really very grateful to them...
Friends...i don't know where you are now...but i hope you can see this...and know that i want to thank you...i hope everyone will treasure your friends...and appreciate what they do for you...
It's fate that we can be friends...so treasure this special bond between everyone of us...remember the good and bad times we had...
we may have quarrelled...but no matter what...you are still my friend...and that lasts forever...i don't want to say much...i just want to say thank you friends! You make my life wonderful...you make me smile...you are my light in the dark...
Thank you friends!It's not easy that we can be friends...so treasure! Thanks again!
Boy!Was i wrong!
*sigh*...life is so complicated...it always gives u surprises...not that i dun like surprises...a nice surprise would b nice...but a shock? well...worse than a shock...*shrugges* i dunno how 2 explain my extremely confusing and troublesome situation...but...oh well...juz listen 2 my complains 4 a while XD
i thought i wun recieve any more 'surprises'
wow!was i wrong! this huge surpeise juz landed on me the day b4 yesterday! not a veri plesant surprise i say...
*haf 2 apologize here 4 not beening able 2 tell u all the whole 'surprise' thing* i can tell u i was shock...with capitals...SHOCKED...tt surprise maked me numb and stun...and i hate being numb and stun! and this extremely irritaing voice will be shouting at me...-_____-# and it makes me talk less...
helo!? i like talking! talking is my hobby! XD how do u expect me to b silent and think? so i gave up thinking n tried to b my normal self...TRIED[note: keyword]
well...i dun noe if it worked...asked my frenz...only the sensitive ones can notice i think...*shrugges*
i usually dun wan my frenz to notice...i dun wan to affect them wif my own problems...
but it makes me go insane if i haf to keep everything in myself...i'll burst i think...
*sighs* why must life b so complicated? i really dun understand...wonder when i'll finally understand life...0.0?
it's not that i dun like life...i just find it tiring...sometimes if i get too tired...well...i feel like giving up...i just wan to give up on everything and just...well...give up on my life...
i noe it's stupid...that's why i didn't do it...*sigh* i really dunno wad i'm thinking now...wierd huh? i dunno wad myself is thinking...
i think i haf a serious problem...i haf mental illness!XD hey! at least i can make a joke out of my situation now...not bad...XD
i feel better after writing all these...thx 4 listening too ^______^ *humming*now i haf to catch up some hmk...awww...gtg...thx again...sayonara!
so sad...
Isn't Sakura CUTE!!! ^_______^ so cute!!!
But actually today i'm not in a veri gd mood...i'm veri veri veri upset...my classmate is leavin 4 America this wk...today i went 2 his 'farewell party'...it was ok at first...den i got reali upset during lunch...i dunno if it was my upset stomach...or the fact tt i was upset abt him leavin...*sighs*
i didn't feel eating anythin at all...i noe the food was delicious...but it's lyk i couldn't taste it...
it was drizzling todae...i was quite grateful...i lyk the rain...i luv walkin in the rain... and todae the rain did helped me a lot...it sort of make me feel better...i dunno... i feel much clearer...i dun feel so messed up after i walked in the rain...it makes me think more clearly...tho it made me sad when i was in the house and was lookin at the rain...
i thought i was strong enuf not 2 cry...ya...i didn't cry in front of him...i onli burst when i reach home...i realise tt i wasn't as strong as i think i was...i hate my frenz leaving me... when i left Singapore...i left so many frenz...now it's him...i'm sure soon there'll b more... quite hard 4 a emotional person lyk me 2 take all these...but wad can i do? i'll juz haf 2 bear and learn 2 accept all these ups and downs of my life...*sighs*
To Scott...
Scott,i wish u gd luck and all the best when u reaches America... wish u gd health...and remember 2 smile always! ^______^ muz oso remember everyone in S1 Ruby and Amber ok? We'll miz u a lot!!! Keep in contact! Miz ya! ^^
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Sakura!
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