Cursed (2005)

            ~Cast~

Christina Ricci.............Ellie

Jesse Eisenberg.............Jimmy

Joshua Jackson.............Jake

Shannon Elizabeth.......Becky

Mya............................Jenny

and Scott Baio............Himself

Transformer's Rating:

                        ~This is for the R-rated Version of Cursed~

   Horror films are a rarity these days. I mean real horror films. Not the cut down down PG-13 remakes that have incompetent teens running to theatres--I'm talking about the all out horror film that gives the genre its name. Cursed is not that film. It could have easily been passed off as a made-for-WB special. But, where Cursed doesn't succeed in true horror it succeeds in comedy, cheese, and flat-out idiocy.

    In Cursed, the lovely Christina Ricci plays a big sister to a geek brother, a girlfriend to a weirdo, and if that's not bad enough, she even works for the sadly unfunny Craig Kilborne. But wait, it gets worse. After picking her brother up from the streets of LA, she crashes into an oncoming car that goes smashing off the road. The driver, played by Shannon Elizabeth, is soon after murdered right in front of the brother and sister by a creature of some kind that the geek brother swears is a werewolf.

    OK, decent start. Now we get the cliché routine of looking up information on werewolves and slight transformations that include increased strength and strange markings on the hand. Upon further reading, the hopeless brother finds out the only way to kill a werewolf is by making sure their brains aren't connected to the body--meaning you have to blow their brains out and/or chop of their head. Not very original or interesting, but it's the best Kevin Williamson could do. Guess he used up all his werewolf ideas on  Dawson's Creek. What soon follows is a small series of attacks and a very Scream-like ending with a pile of extra cheese thrown on top.

    I've been wanting to see this film since I first heard about it. Without shame I will say I'm a fan of all the Scream films--yes, even part 3. So, I was hoping for something with a good set of characters and some entertainment. What I really got was a group of OK characters, a bunch of bad ones (the gay jock), and a film smothered so deeply in cheese it couldn't even comprehend its basic story.

    While the sloppy writing is obvious, what isn't is exactly how Wes Craven went through with this film after it being shot two times due to the fact it was turning into an "Urban Legends 2"--if you catch my drift. But what else is there to expect from yet another  great horror actor turned WB director. Also, why the lovely Ricci was in it and not in my bedroom; time alone with me is much better on the career and mentality of a beautiful young actress such as Miss Ricci.

    But don't panic because Cursed is an entertaining film--that is if you can accept cheesiness. What makes this film so off-the-wall funny? How about a goofy looking werewolf that gives people the finger, a dog-turned-werewolf, and Scott Baio playing himself. Not satisfied? How about the horrible acting from Mya that turned a rather suspenseful scene into almost brilliant pure laughter. But these few examples just can't quite get across how cheesy this film is. If you're scared by this film, I recommend you not seeing the "Sponge-Bob Squarepants Movie" because you just might not make it through.

    Touching up on something a lot of fan boys have cried themselves to sleep about is that of Wes Cravens directing. Why is it any worse than Scream? It isn't. Wes Craven knows what he is doing and this film does feel like him it's just that Kevin Williamson is stuck writing the same script over-and-over again. Wes Craven does the best he can with this material.

    The major gripe with Kevin Williamsons writing is that it's too predictable. I guessed who the werewolves were within the first thirty minutes and all the suspense scenes were too bland. However, I did really like Mya's death scene but where was the blood!? Even with an R rating this film couldn't squeeze out enough blood to please a non-horror fan. Also, Williamson's characters have gone to shit. I did like the brother but Ricci's character and everyone else in the film are so badly underdeveloped and boring it's vexatious.

    Cursed is a fun watch. It's not worth a purchase or repeated viewings but it is entertaining. I'm not going to dwell on all the problems with this film but rather recommend it for a viewing. It has been a long while since I've seen a movie this cheesy and bad that it could've been straight from the 80's had it not been written like a Dawson's Creek episode. It's not often Hollywood releases contemptible stuff like this that turns into a fun time so for that reason alone it's worth a watch.

Special Guest Reviewer:

Quagmire

"Hehe, do you think Ricci shaves? Giggidy-gig-a-dee, alright."

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