CRY_WOLF (2005)

~Cast~

Julian Morris..............Owen

Lindy Booth...............Dodger

Jared Padelecki..........Tom

Jon Bon Jovi...................Mr. Walker

Directed by....................Jeff Wadlow

My Rating:

    "ITS MY LIFE, AND IT'S NOW OR NEVER...I DON'T WANT TO LIVE FOR EVER..."~Jon Bon Jovi

Now first let me start by saying that I am not hating this movie because it is PG-13 or because it really isn't even a slasher at all. I am saying this movie is a BAD movie because NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS till the final 20 minutes. That is right, if watching a bunch of school kids playing pranks on each other for 78 minutes is your idea of entertainment...then this film is for you. If you expect more out of your movies, like when a film deems itself a SLASHER...it actually has slashings, then you may want to just block this screen name. This internet prank isn't all bad though, it did have some "OMG" and "WTF"s in it but it wasn't until the final act that these came into play.

    So we have some rich kid's daddy pull some strings to get him transferred into this school, he meets some new kids and begins to play a game with them. It's called CRY WOLF and basically, it's a game you play when you were in 1st grade but for this film, we have high school kids doing it (apparently we are stuck with the LOSERS of the high school through out this film) So the game becomes boring so they decide to take it to the next level...instead of making themselves the sheep...they all become "The Wolf" and the school's students are the sheep. They blame a murder that occurred earlier that week on "The Wolf" and say on Halloween he will strike, then this is sent via a mass e-mail to everyone in school. But then "THE WOLF" begins to become real...our new recruit begins getting ims from "THE WOLF" who keeps claiming he is the real deal and not one of the other kids playing the prank.  Is he AIM terror for real or is he just another joke to one up everyone in the game we call...CRY WOLF...

    Now this movie presents itself in a false manner, it makes the viewer think they are going to be watching a slasher that is along the lines of SCREAM and URBAN LEGENDS. Instead the movie is all about deception and the characters and the killer is barely even in it...if you can even call him that. In fact, when he does make his appearance, he is by far the dumbest and least effective killer of all time. And I know there is a reason for it (twist) but even still, you can't tell me that anyone aside from Mr. Magoo is this fucking accident prone! The film did sport some nifty upgrades in the features department, this films strong point was the characters of which you begin to like and actually care for. But just like America Online...this is just the same friggin thing only with one cool new feature but 12 other new ways to contract a virus.

    To the acting, Julian Morris played Owen the new student and while he did decent, for a while, his accent was so thick that his dialogue was almost undecipherable. I had to sit and decrypt his muffled dialogue via the reaction of the other characters. Outside of that, he did a decent job. Lindy Booth, who I had enjoyed in DAWN OF THE DEAD and WRONG TURN, and while she did good in this, she still could have had a better part had the script been more exciting. What she had to work with, she did great in, I was digging it a lot and just wish the film was better so I could have enjoyed her performance even more. Jared Padalecki who I thought was really good in HOUSE OF WAX, I had been looking forward to seeing in this. It was hard for me to pin point my problem with him in this until now, he did fine, it was his character being a bitch. His room gets trashed and when he finds out who does it, he just stands up and threatens to threaten the person. Someone trashes your room and destroys your 2 thousand dollar laptop...YOU KICK THEIR FUCKING ASS!!!! Jon Bon Jovi was the one who made the movie worth watching though. Playing the English Teacher Mr. Walker, Jovi just was perfect for the role and fit in as if he was doing it for years. Wish his role was bigger though. Directing wise, the movie teetered on being good to being downright bad. I HATE close up action sequences...(the 2 this film had) I HATE THEM! UNZOOM THE FUCKING CAMERA! Stop trying to be new age and let us see what is happening instead of zooming in so I am pulled out of the movie and forced to try and figure out what I am seeing. It does NOT intensify the action, it does NOT suck me into the scene, it DOES however  ruin the scene and cause people to roll their eyes and realize that this is just a poor substitution for talent. Outside of that, the movie was done decently.

    Gore wise, this movie had nothing but a bullet to the chest...some blood found on the ground. That is it. For sex, this is PG-13 so we get cock-teases galore.

    Now, some of you are saying "He hates this because it's PG-13" which isn't true. I knew this movie wasn't going to be glorified gore so I went in NOT expecting that. The concept for this was good (played out but good) and the set up worked but there is no follow through. The set up lasts to long and nothing happens to keep me interested. The clichéd love scenes and character reactions overpower the anti-cliché horror scenes. Yes, instead of running out the door, they try to trick the killer. Ok, different and enhanced this movie from being completely retarded but not enough to save it. It happens to late and to little of it is in the film.

    I say, CRY_WOLF cries wolf by saying it's a slasher and making you to think it's going to be something that it is not. PG-13 Slasher could work if it is done in a way where TALENT is put over everything else. That has yet to happen and further goes to prove my theories right about these films. APRIL FOOLS DAY did the same thing but they had the gore to with it...made it worth the watch even if you were bored by everything else. It is very easy to figure out who the "killer" is and who they want to make you think it is via the twists. I went into this knowing who it was just by the trailer and no, it doesn't show the person...in fact...they went out of their way to NOT show this person. I will be honest, I have had Windows Solitaire games that were more exciting and intense then this movie was. 

Special Guest Reviewers:

George Newman

"I'm going out in a blaze of glory. Take me now but know the truth!!! I'm going out in a blaze of glory...Lord I never drew first but I drew first blood! I'm no one's son...call me....Young Gun!"

Jack Torrance

"You are a fucking homo. Plain and simple. "

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