~Cast~Chopping Mall (1986)
~Cast~
Kelly Maroney....................Alison Parks
Tony O'Dell........................Ferdy Meisel
Russell Todd........................Rick Stanton
Karrie Emerson....................Linda Stanton
Barbara Crampton...............Suzie Lynn
Directed By..........................Jim Wynorski
My Rating:
"Thank you, have a nice day!" ~Killbots
So I have finally seen the legendary "Chopping Mall" after all the praise and all the comments about this film that I heard a while back, I was into the hype then. It faded luckily cause had I been hyped, this movie would have been a let down. With a running time of 77 minutes, this cheese fest about killer robots in a shopping mall contains more then it's fair share of unintentual laughs. From the Star Wars laser beams, to the stupidity of characters, down to the lame ass acting from some, Chopping Mall has it all. This movie does contain the essentails, some nice gore, tons of boobs, cheesy music, bad acting, AND a high body count! What more could you ask for...well I suppose good acting, a realistic storyline, more gore but hey, beggers can't be choosers.
So now its not enough to lock up a mall at night, afraid to many people might get past that one inept unarmed guard that watches the mall at night so Park Plaza Mall decides to one up the competition. He gets the latest in security robots, 3 to be exact named protectors. They are armed with weapons to stun intruders and make them pay but not kill for there crimes. Well one night, the same night that 4 couples decide to have a party in a furniture store (cause we all know, to be cool, you have to party after hours in a FURNITURE STORE!), lighting strikes and the 3 robots malfunction. Damn those random electrical storms and there habits of causing bad things to occur in cheesy B-horror movies...like this. So of course, you can picture how the rest of this movie goes, the robots start killing people left and right using lasers, drills and knock out darts to take out there opposition. So now these teens must fight there way out of the mall or end up dying to Tom Servo's evil cousins!
Where to begin? Hmm I know...since when have malls had it so tough where they need to have fully automated attack droids on guard to protect their malls? Maybe this mall is in the ghetto or Brockton Massachutes but hey, even then I know they don't have these things. Chopping Mall is beyond cheesy but it's fun as hell, from the premise alone you should realize you are NOT going to be scared by this and if you are...well then I suggest staying away from Power Rangers or your local toy store. Also, was it just me or did these killbots resemble Alpha 5 from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? Come on y ou guys remember him! The little droid that was always with Zordon the giant head in the tube...you know who I am talking about! He used to always go AY YI YI YI YI YI YI! Oh stop acting like I am crazy....ohh fuck it.
Kelli Maroney stars in this as Alison Parks who reminded me of a young Marcy Rhodes/Amanda Bearse and with that she also got on my nerves. She was the one character I really hoped would get killed especially when she began to drag the animals into this...fucking hiding in a pet store! Dumb bitch I hope that snake bit you!!! Tony O'Dell played the lovable nerd who of course is the white version of Steve Eurkel, but he does a solid job and has some hysterical lines! The one who I really watched this for was Russell Todd and I had feared he was going to end up being killed off quick but luckily he has a big role in this. He plays Rick Stanton, the one character who I was routing for! He had the cool attitude, the kick ass talent and gotta love the car vs robot scene! Great job! Karrie Emerson played Rick's wife, Linda Stanton and she does a decent job. Mainly because the 2 blond girls actually blended into each other at a lot times so her brown hair really helped plus she kept it real in this. Re-animator fans rejoice, Barbara Crampton co-stars in this and she doesn't let anyone down. She ensures us of those cliche "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!?" moments and some entertaining displays of nudity! Directing wise, this movie has all the neccisary ingrediants to be your classic 80's horror film. Jim does a good job at showing us the cool gore effects and keeping the movie moving at a fast enough pace.
To the gore, people said this movie is riddled with gore, I wouldn't go THAT far. Might have been just me but I had the feeling that the movie was very edited of the red stuff. A lot of the shots seem to cut short but we do however get some nice ones none the less. We get robot arm in neck, slit throat, Dick Miller ala mode, dart to the back, exploding head, laser shot into calf, blond bimbo-bbq, robot blood, dead body, electrocution, laser to stomach, and many more. As for nudity, this movie has something for the whole family, we get Barbara Crampton's Cramptons, Karrie's Emersons, and Mary's ta-tas. The ladies get a buff Russell Todd showing off his chest, Nick Segal showing it off too, and John with the girl with implants as well, and to the animals you get spider butt. Computers and robots in the room get to see the underside of the Killbots and what an underside it is and I am really freaking myself out with this so I am going to just stop now.
I say, while this may not be the greatest horror movie of the 80's like some people make it out to be, it is by all means a one hell of a film for 10 bucks. This mall has it all, tons of gore, shitload of boobs, riddled with corny lines, this mall is stock full of all the good things! So grab your friends, steal your Dad's Mastercard or Visa, and go to Park Plaza Mall for a very fun time! Happy Chopping!
Special Guest Reviewer:
George Newman
"I
don't know if it's just me, but why is it that in all of these movies where
people are stuck in malls, there is always a gun shop filled with ammo? The most
any of the malls have for weapons that I have seen are those stupid swatch
stores and they need you to have a 3 day waiting period for a stupid
butter knife!"