Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld

~Cast~

Christopher Kann.........Paul    

Victoria Campbell.........Jen

Noel Francomano.........Oncilla

Alex Whall...................Mark

Adam Lipsky................Wheezer

and Don Sandeen as "ANUBIS"

Directed by....D. W. Kann

My Rating:

    Yes I know the poster says "Anubis" but that should give you a indication that this film has absolutely nothing to do with the 2000 low budget direct-to-video movie "Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy" Instead, "Anubis" is a stand alone movie which just had its title changed for marketing purposes of which is odd seeing as how I never knew AE to have been a big hit. In any case, with that being said, what also should be laid out is the fact this movie had 1/3rd of the budget that the original Blair Witch Project had...oh yeah...the stakes are already not in this movies favor. BUT that is where the negative bellyaching ends for Anubis turned out to be one very fun, and well directed ride. Kann must have used his money wisely for I have seen movies with twice the budget of "BWP" look half as good as this movie does. I don't know if it was the surprisingly good acting, the well directed scenarios, or the fact that the characters (all except for one) were extremely likable...and they took out the annoying bitch FIRST! Finally! I am not forced to sit and listen to the annoying bitch complain about how she thought things would go differently! But I am getting a head of myself.

   The movie starts off in an Arabian desert where some Arab (way to stereotype) has a losing battle with a dog faced mummy only to end up trapped in a tablet/book. Isn't this how they all get trapped? One would think these mummy's would smarten up and stop going near people who have these goofy looking books. Years later, an annoying Goth chick has decided to unleash the great Anubis so she gets her new b/f, his best friend Wheezer, video store buddy Mark, and his stuck up "virgin" girlfriend to go along. They go into the middle of bumfuck no where with the intentions of holding what they think is a fun ritual. Not my cup of tea, I tend to stay away from gothic chicks who have weird little idols and think that a fun time involves sitting around a campfire and resurrecting a psychopathic mummy to kill people that have done her wrong...but that is just me! I don't know...maybe you people are different. So what happens next? They all sit, have stories and the movie becomes the Joy Luck Club part 2...and if you believed that then I have a niiiiice piece of land I want to sell you as well. She dishes out the spell, the mummy returns, and of course, goes on a murderous rampage. I never said this movie was original, I said it was fun!

   What I enjoyed about this movie the most is the fact that the characters were very likable and well fleshed out. It wasn't just "Oh, I don't want 2 out of the 9 people to die" kind of shindig, it was I don't want any of these characters to die so move your keesters and run from this bandaged baboon! The beauty here is, Kann knows he has your every day script to work with, he knows he has NO budget whatsoever so he makes the best of it. Very rarely do movies like this turn out to be decent let alone enjoyable. Most of them are films I dread to watch and sit, collect dust, and are later torn apart by my stupid little dog. Another thing I grooved to with this movie was the fact, that when the deaths occurred, you see them but you don't. Unlike some other low budget movies that either spend every rat cent they have into pouring gallons and gallons of blood and making drawn out and over the top death scenes ::cough::bone sickness::cough:: Anubis cuts them short but still shows enough to keep the horror fan pleased.   

   The biggest shocker in this mummy monster movie was the acting, I can't believe that they found people that can actually ACT! I am not saying there are any Anthony Hopkins' or Jodie Foster's in this, but I am saying that it wasn't the painful, mind numbing, head ache inducing, acting that I have been FORCED to endure on so many occasions. We first have Christopher Kann as Paul the boyfriend/video store worker in which he does a decent job. Next we have Paul's girlfriend Jen who was at first kind of a bitch but she grows on you. Played by Victoria Campbell, she does a lot better then I expected for when she first appeared the first thought that entered my head was "Untalented blond bimbo" and she proved me wrong. Now...remember how I said one character annoyed me...well that was Noel Francomano who played the Goth chick Oncilla. They seriously need to cut her lines down for every word she said made me want to reach into the movie and mummify her mouth! "I BECIET YOU!!! NOOOOOOOOWW!!!!!! NOWWWWWWWWWWW! NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" YEAH! WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST FUCKIN TIME!!! Thank GOD she is taken out quickly or else I would have had to hang myself from the damn gutters. At points, I wanted to push fast forward and get past her incessant babbling about how great Anubis was...wow...glad I got that off my chest. Was kind of bothering me. Alex Whall plays Mark who is dating the annoying Goth but he explains it in one sentence that made me laugh my ass off "Why do you put up with her?" "She let's me do her in the butt!" NOW THAT IS GREAT WRITING! This movie was riddled with hilarious one liners that had me cracking up and most were spit out by either Mark or my favorite character, Wheezer played by Adam Lipsky. Wheezer is basically Jay from Jay and Silent Bob only less vulgar. He had me cracking up through out this movie and I have to say, I would NOT have enjoyed this movie half as much if not for him.

   The directing in this movie is another thing that saves it from being just another run of the mill low budget horror film. Stylish angles, creative edits, and enough intelligence to know how to make a gory scene gory without going overboard is what D.W. Kann injects into this mummified monster movie and with the budget he has, the fact he makes it work makes it that much better. I am not usually into the directors that do low budget films like this for they usually just keep it with the paint by numbers formula and when someone strays from that path, it makes them that much better. He proved to me that he can take NOTHING and make it something which makes him a director to keep in the back of your horror loving minds.

   To the gore, now, for a film that had 1/3rd the budget, this movie IS able to keep it gory but do it in a way that doesn't make it seem cheap or fake. We get quite a few decapitations, a sickle to the stomach with guts flying out, thumbs in the eye, arm chopping, head bashing, shovel to the neck, and some more. As for nudity, surprisingly the only one to show her ta-ta's was the annoying girl and it made her annoying dialogue become worth the while. She has a NICE set and unfortunately...we only get "A" ta-ta...which I believe is a "ta" but...whatever. The mummy keeps his bandages on as well so the ladies in this get nothing but hey...at least we get a titty!

   I say, Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld may be extremely low budget, and yes, it became extremely stupid by the end (why the fuck were they RUNNING!?) which does make it lose points but in the end, this mummy ride is one that is fun, entertaining, and down right enjoyable. My pearly whites showed evilly with the funny one-liners and corny deaths during this "ancient evil" so be sure to pick it up when you see it. It may not be the best horror movie, but it works for a good laugh and a late night flick.

Special Guest Reviewers:

George Newman

"What is up with people and their obsession with revenge? So people don't like you, so what? Could it be the fact you go into a bizarre preachy chant every time you meet someone? Usually is not the best way to get people to go to a campfire in the middle of nowhere to bring back the undead Egyptian God Anubis...usually being NORMAL is a better way."

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