its a poem i kinda threw together some years ago based on the harsh realities of the hard journey me and my boys have experienced, its rather cryptic in places , but your clever im sure you will read between the lines.....
well ladies and gents, heres my first little rhyme,
always rushin it seems cant keep up with the time.....
seems faster these days,these days seems faster,
time management it seems is a thing i cant master.
need it to slow down this minute you see,
spend time on reflection,need to spend time on me.
my exterior seems cool but in fact is a mess,
was isolated a long time an lonely i confess.
but my reasons for this were just and were true,
withdrew from society thats what i had to do.....
i was so angry with god for my toil and my pain,
an i prayed for a chance to begin again.....
my perception of others were as stained as my clothes,
myself on a back burner, must tend to there woes....
screaming inside my frustrations crushed me,
an suppressed all that i wanted to be.
in the mornin dawn breaks id just pray for the night,
another day gone of where nothing gos right.....
endless battles with forces for what i knew true,
needed help to stay strong for my offspring times two....
carryin bricks in my pocket, just to survive,
prayers in darkness thankful that i was alive.
my crime was that i didnt turn a blind eye,
if i saw or heard children scream out or cry....
if i shouted or fussed about what i did see,
certain people, an families would set about me.....
they were so scared of which, i knew now was so,
so to save face in their world, i just had to go.....
on my own with 2 boys i didnt stand a chance,
once again we were victims of their circumstance......
we moved on a fresh start, a sweet dream had come true,
but it tore at my soul what i had to do......
leaving countless children of which i knew well,
to the uncaring parents an day to day hell....
had to switch off my heart an follow my head,
and move on to a new life, an were ever that lead....
was happy i guess for about year or so,
but i trusted a neighbour,as was feeling so low.
my child had been hurt i felt rage that times ten,
disbelief taking hold ,no way not again.........
i questioned my sanity,an did all the right things,
guilt wriggled inside me and raw fury took wings.....
i lost it bigtime made demands only right.....
that something was done, so we could sleep at night..
..
again services failed me, they filed it an sat,
they did zero sweet nothing an said that was that.....
said calm down dont carry on so, youll just cause a panic,
to the good people round here, theyll think that your manic.....
actually paula, we wondered as a child were you happy or not????
an i honestly told them the first 8yrs id forgot....
shooting glances , fake expressions,swam round the room,
maybe you have issues?? about what where and whom????
what a scapegoat i was ......did i over react??
no way!!! in my heart i knew it was fact....
but like a good little girl i stifled my fears,
and marched off into therapy, an talked thru my tears.....
an emotional mess, yes i was at the time,
but my eyes they stay open,see that was my crime...
no issues , as such were surfaced they said,
your just intune and perceptive nothing wrong with your head...
.
fought long an hard took all i had peeps,
living on the same street as that lowlife, that creep....
3 long long yrs on we finally got our move,
now were here and were safe an were out to prove.
that this world isnt half as bad, as it first seemed to be,
nightmare over, now all i seek is normality...
no family as such, but il realise my dreams,
no husband to push me, who needs doubleteams.
its the faith in myself, an the fight in my soul,
thatll push me an pull me to reach my all my goals.
my faith in the system, god it dos try me so,
but this girl is a fighter, i just want you to know.
i can never give up on whats right and whats just,
as my boys are my life see,and carry on i must.
isolated for years, in my struggle with wrongs,
social services screaming there familiar songs.
you dont fit our criteria, you cant get help miss,
in that case,my sweet backside they can kiss.
as im not going under,not gonna disappear,
im soooo gonna scream an shout year after year.
been screaming for six though it seems more like ten, an im still here still longing to begin again......
i pray that my god sees the honesty in me, i pray he gives guidance the days i cant see. i could never give enough to those who protect,
our children our future that others reject.
may he bless those that give without gain, so that people like me and mine can begin again.....
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