If you delete this message,
you will gain 10 pounds
I
can almost feel myself losing weight . . . by forwarding this to
you! You'll understand at the end.
I've seen two
shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great
time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how
great menopause will be . . . Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few
thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.
Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just
pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.
Mid-life
is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing
spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are
flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life
is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see
your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go
for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone
will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life
is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and
scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."
Mid-life
brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting
on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your
know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have
stretch marks?"
In
mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we
can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake
now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than
an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life
means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering
the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no
longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it
an appreciation for what is important. We realize that
breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make
the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge
that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe
our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love
we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
Send
this to four women and you will lose two pounds.
Send this
to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10
pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10
pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I
didn't want to risk deleting this.)
