hey, wow. it's next year. X3;;

...i should probably work on a new layout, but...i suppose i'm too lazy. or too busy. finals are over, and for that i am glad; but hoshi-chan inspired me with all her talk of karate, and now i might join that, along with piano lessons. so...farewell, freetime. さよならひまつ。

hee, so...i had lots of fun drawing last night. X3;; stayed up until like two doing this almost nonsensical sketch with kiori and zel-kun...in fact, i think i'm going to try and clean that up now. and it will be fun, because i just figured out what the buttons that say "pressure: soft/med/hard" actually do! :D

...i'm boring.

1.28pm //

yeah...so...yeah.

fukai mori. that song just came on in my cd player. i heart that song. eien no yami ni kieru...

i watched, like, 18 or somesuch episodes of naruto today. my head is drowning in japanese. very good series. better that it's in nihongo. arigatou, derek-kun. what would i be doing without this endless anime, except something productive? like writing, or drawing. except at the moment i'm ticked with drawing because...nevermind.

i wonder what the world is doing. o_o;;

9.00pm //

w00t...this year almost over. heck, this class almost over. i am typing illegitimately from it, haha. sempai christian & nathan-san are messing around with something on the compuer...something that has to do with java...mwurr.

hoshi-chan, i right now hold the lion└ you gave me in my hands...i have decided to name him sormor. because while i was holding him i was thinking of names, and for some reason sormor popped into my head. he was speaking to me.

my bag is full of gifts i need to give. wheet. kurasu wa sukoshi owarimasu youni kara, i'm leaving now. :3 kimitachi wa sugoi fuyuyasumi ga naru youni. have a nice wintaa break, y'all.

10.53am //

i'm so scared that i'll never
get put back together

yeah so...i'm so obsessed with samurai x, a.k.a. rurouni kenshin by nobuhiro watsuki. the story was so deep...and so emotionally touching, it just...augh. go read the review, it says it all right there. *sigh* i am filled with such contentment and suppressed fangirlish screaming. s'all good.

...just...so good. *hearts fly out everywhere*

"ore wa...kimi o...mamoru." <3 <3

meanwhile, i hope you all had a nice thanksgiving and stuff; my ninang & uncle eric and shelly came over and we all ate turkey and watched the second mulan movie and the second shrek movie and stuff. the mulan movie was hilarious. mainly because it had unremovable subtitles of a language that we couldn't understand, and whenever they said "thank you," shelly & my brother would both read the subtitle that came with it, something that was like: "terry monkey shi!"

uh...huh.

...<3 <3

having problems writing my anthro-story...sort of written myself into a corner...neopets war was disappointing in the fact that it now gives sicknesses whenever you try to fight...i hate how neopets did this. all i want to do is enjoy the game, and all they do is make it so that the wealthy are able to more fully monopolize.

wow, there are like, two voices talking on the radio at the same time. one is giving traffic and one is telling me about a christmas sale. o, the other stopped now. what do you know.

a new pic: here

1.57pm //

bold all that apply.

01. I have a cell phone. (but i don't really use it.)
02. I'm obsessed with high heels.
03. I'm the youngest child.
04. I am a shopoholic.
05. I love hoop earrings.
06. I am a libra.
07. I love beer.
09. I can't live without lip gloss.
10. I can't live without music.
11. I lived in Purgatory for 3 months.
12. I spend money I don't have.
13. I'll be in college forever.
14. I've seen Jason Mraz.
15. I get annoyed easily.
16. I eventually want kids.
18. I have more then a couple of horrible memories.
19. I am addicted to Lizzie McGuire.
20. I am a person.
21. My first kiss was when I was 17.
22. I start film school in February.
23. I love taking pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake.
25. I can be mean when I want to.
26. My dreams are bizarre. (all of them.)
27. One of my close friends is gay.
28. I have way too many purses.
29. I've seen 'Fight Club' at least 45 times.
30. I usually dress how I feel that day.
31. I love 'Sex and the City'.
32. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.
33. I hate when people are late.
34. I procrastinate.
35. I love winter.
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. I love to sleep.
38. I wish I were smarter.
39. I'm afraid of flying. (in airplanes)
40. I hate drama.
41. I am addicted to 'The O.C.' (but not because you are)
42. I love my hair. (usually)
43. I never fight with my parents.
44. I love the beach.
45. I have never had the chicken pox.
46. I'm excited for the future, but kind of scared too.
47. I can't control my emotions.
48. I can't wait till New Year's.
49. I love the show 'Rich Girls'.
50. I love my friends.
51. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
52. I can be very insecure.
53. I have never broken a bone.
54. I hate racist people.
55. I hate my computer.
56. I love guys that play the guitar.
57. I state the obvious.
58. I'm a happy person.
59. I love to dance.
61. I hate cleaning my room.
62. I tend to get jealous very easily. (and get over it easily too)
63. I love cute underwear.
64. I love John Mayer.
65. I cry when I see animals getting hurt/abused.
66. I want to go to Greece. (and cambodia and japan and australia and...)
67. I don't like to study for tests.
68. I love Golf.
69. I am too forgiving.
70. I have a horrible sense of direction.
71. I love high school.
72. I have a talent of sweet-talking my way out of things.
73. I'm a daddy's girl.
74. I love kisses on the forehead.
75. I love the color pink.
76. I love to sew.
77. I have green eyes.
78. I love the Olsen Twins.
79. I played soccer for 14 years.
80. I become stressed easily.
81. I hate liars.
82. I like comfy sweatpants.
83. Paul Walker is my dream guy.
84. I love the smell of asphalt after it's rained.
85. I love my family.
86. I hate needles.
87. I am a perfectionist.
88. I always wanted to learn to play the drums.
90. I am still a virgin.
91. I would love to have my own fashion line.
92. I can be quite selfish.
93. I still act like a little kid.
94. I despise dishonesty.
95. I love pictures.
96. I love music.
97. I wish I were more motivated when it comes to school.
98. I love getting stuff in the mail.
99. I have problems letting go of people. (& yet hate to hold on)
100. I hate the feeling of being alone. (& love it too)
101. I am scared of the dark. (& what hides within)

3.12pm //

i realized to me last night that something was wrong with me.

well, no, that's not true. it's occurring to me even now, typing away my stresses with tight fingers and really, really wishing that i could squeeze something between them and make its blood burst out between the seams. feel it trickle down my palms, even knowing that the guilt and anger of it will be burning later.

anyway, last night. last night i was listening to my brother and his friends break things in the other room, and suddenly i remembered my bamboo plant and i looked up over my head rest to see it and water it, for all its affectionate little lameness - since my cat bit off its single leaf, it had never grown again. but rather than see the healthy little green of my bamboo plant, what did i see but yellow, skeletal dry straw yellow, and i was so stricken by this that i just laid down right there and cried. yes, i just slumped down and began to mourn this poor little plant, this pitiful little leaf-less stick that had been sitting on my windowsill, starving quietly...

good life, i'm crying even thinking about it right now. i don't know what's wrong with me. or rather, i do - and no, it is not merely because of my now-dead lucky bamboo.

watched the incredibles, which came out yesterday. wonderful movie. <3

1.57pm //

yes that's right. i'm sick of you.

isn't it interesting how sometimes you can hear a song...and then be transported to another sort of place, another time? just thought i'd mention...because i just hear that (there's gotta be) more to life song by stacie orrico, and suddenly i was back at last christmas, listening and depressing and thinking about concerts that i would miss and cry over. just...just thinking.

filled to the brim with homework and stress and thoughts and just entirely empty. save me from the nothing i've become. yo.

well, no, not entirely. i mean, i had a fun halloween and all that. :3 hearts i toss to megani-chan and wayne-kun and whitney and alaura and hoshi-chan! heh, i think i actually suffered frostbite or something. quite cold. ^^;;

anou...oki no doku ni...i hope you feel better though, megani. T-T my heart is poisoned.

still trying to write falcon's jade and get my club started. stupid sophasbthinggrar.

8.15pm //

stuffs i need to do
1. request/birthday - megani-chan, ********
2 request - shirley, "a small thing"
3. request - sakiei, neopets
4. request - ryuann, neopets
5. request - pinkclove, neopets
6. entry - neopian times, I MUST NEEDS AVATAR

so...well. i've decided that there is a sad little downside to winning the neopian picture competition, and that's having people neomail you rabidly about adagrafs (whatever the heck they are) and requests. i really wish that people offered more trades, because i love recieving art of my own chars...maybe i should just force them into doing that. ahh, but i'm too nice. and now, too tight-scheduled.

went to ikea today for that one sale that they have for their anniversary, the "weel pay oll yoor seels tax" one. that ikea guy looks absolutely horrific in that braided wig and tight shirt. very glad they stuck that yellow banner over his shorts. very, very glad.

i've also gotten quite to the point that i'm sick of deviantart. there's always so many messages, and even if i comment i don't really receive replies...and though it's "not good" to expect thanks for everything that you do, it would be nice if i was aware that artists at least appreciated my insight. (though i have to admit that some of them do, in journal entries.)

it doesn't matter anyway. my days have been devoured by school, and i come home to a place that doesn't recognize my stress and gives me more. my nights i try to fill with actual sleeping so that it isn't hard to get up in the morning, but even if i hit the hay at eight i'm still tired. leaves me to wondering what sort of rest it is that i need, anyway.

ahh...but last night was okay, i suppose, even though i spent a total of four hours with my eyes shut. i was reading the good earth by pearl s. buck, kinda-sorta-not-really recommended to me by ryan (who was in turn secondhand-recommended to it by oprah, i think, though that's entirely inference), and i was crying and literally hurting when wang lung hit his midlife crisis-thing and started visiting the tea house. not happy. and the ending was really good at getting its point across, but i cried at that too.

i'm too materialistic. or rather, sentimentalistic. life, i cried at the story about the girl who lost her pet bouncy ball. (*sniff*)

9.05pm //

mmm...so...yeah. had fun today...went to the meeting after school and ate pizza, then walked down to the mall with hoshi-chan, speaking of grandmothers and death and the transience of memory, the inevitability of death, the way the future must not be known (or else).

you know, normal stuff. :3

hmm...i should be doing homework. *shrug* oh well, i'm not. actually i need to write up a constitution - tsukichi and i are finally going to get our creative writing club up and running. it is going to be so fun. i cannot wait.

7.29pm //

there we go. i like this much better. hehehehe.

mew...i should be doing homework right now. world ap homework, to be precise. but i'm not. why? because i was suddenly struck with inspiration to make a new blog, and thusly i did so. i find it interesting that the more depressed you are, the more you seem to follow your primordial feelings, your instinct and pure will, rather than good old ration - that observation is one of my key inspirations.

but whatever. what has aura been doing lately?

playing neopets, that's what. lol. it tickles me, this recurring obsession, the same as pok└mon or writing or drawing. i heart them, my three little kits, so much my own now than to lose them would be to lose a part of me - crystal_rayn, cureia, arimah, and finally beloved fyrlyte.

but well, you didn't come to hear about them.

what did come to hear about?

surely not my inner secrets.

did you want to hear something about yourself here?

mwarhar.

current-phrase-stuck-in-head: "did you ever know that you meant so much more to me?"