It's been really quiet here the past few weeks. Not many visitors. My meds have been increasing every week to try and bring me relief from my worsened breathing and coughing. This in turn makes me more tired. The benefit is for me to be more mobile, but in turn I sleep more often and have trouble staying awake during the day. One day at a time. A lot easier said than done.I got my tattoos finished the past two weeks. Kristy, my tattoo artist is absolutely wonderful. I am extremely happy with the results. They are all healing very nicely. My Mom came with me each time and the three of us enjoyed talking so much. She wants us to visit her every week! I said well I could come in and get a tattoo each week. It's good therapy. Kristy and her husband, Joel own Atlantic Tattoo Company. Their website: http://www.atlantictattoocompany.com/ I highly recommend them to anyone that wants a tattoo or piercing. They take pride in their work.I went to Shelley and John's house last Friday. I stayed a couple of nights. Shelley and I did "the usual." Hanging out in her bedroom on our laptops and watched TV. John waited on us hand and foot. Thanks Bro! They got the baby's crib and Dad and John put it together. The nursery is coming together nicely. Standing in there, looking at Shelley's little bump is just so amazing. I am so happy for Shelley and John. Shelley is already four months along and next week we are finding out the sex of the baby! We are all so excited. I was surprised on Sunday when Shelley and John brought me to see Willa. I hadn't seen her since her foster family picked her up from my house September 17, 2007. I was wheeled on the grass to go near her pen. When she came around the corner I couldn't believe it! She had put on quite a few extra pounds. She surely looks like a potbelly now! LOL I was talking to her and she was doing her little grunts. She foraged around a little bit and then came over to me and smelled my boots and laid right down. I scratched her back and she immediately rolled onto her side. I scratched her belly and she kept making her little sighs. I started crying and I said, "I love you Willa." I had everyone crying at that point. She knew it was Momma. Her foster father, Mike said she won't even get on her side and let him scratch her. She'll always be my little baby. We spent over an hour there. This time was so precious. I enjoyed it fully. Hospice had asked me if I had any goals and this was one of them. I wanted to go visit Willa. So, now I did. They want me to come back because they saw how happy Willa was and how happy it made me. I hope to again. I hated to leave her. As John wheeled me away Willa laid right where she was and didn't move. We drove away and they were trying to get her up and she wouldn't budge. I know she knows she can't be with me, but I know she is happy with her foster family. I can't thank them enough for taking such good care of Willa. They are my saviors. Thank you.I haven't been on my computer as much lately. I'm napping more and going to bed a lot earlier. Responses to your emails may be delayed and updates on my site may not be as often. Please pray for all of those that are ill or dealing with other struggles. As Always Love & Prayers and many thanks,Jennifer
I've been thinking about having a survivor tattoo for some time now. I just never thought I would be able to after all the treatments I've had. I wasn't even allowed to have more than two friends over at my own home. Surely I wasn't going to be approved to have needles gouge at my skin and put ink into it. I searched online at other survivors tattoos and started to imagine what I would want. I'm a very visual person and can see things very clearly in my head and sketch down on paper what I see. I am grateful for this. I am a creative person which helps me with interior decorating, fashion designing, and now designing tattoos. I got a tattoo back in 1998 my freshman year of college away from the parents and with all my girlfriends. I don't regret it, I just am not in love with it. My initial thought was to take my small Gemini tattoo and transform it into my survivor tattoo. I knew where I wanted to get this done. I had also another urge to express myself in 1997 with an eyebrow ring which lasted a good three months. I had been to a local shop and knew they were very reputable. I did my sketches and e-mailed the tattoo shop. I laid everything out on the table. I gave probably too much information, but I wanted to be honest to make sure they felt comfortable giving me a tattoo. I got a response right away and was told that they have tattooed terminally ill people, people on oxygen, people who can't talk or hear. They only requested that I get approval from my doctor. *UGH* Now I am still in the same boat as when I started all this "fun." I am still immunosuppressed (basically no immune system), I am still on my favorite steroid Prednisone and a ton of other meds. So my risk of infection or catching something is very high. But, this is why I have hospice now. There are no more treatments to help me, so I am choosing QUALITY of life. So, duh... I'm going to live on the edge now! Why shouldn't I? I talked with my all-time favorite nurse, Ethel on the phone. I said, "I've got a question for you." "OK." said Ethel. "I want to get a tattoo." Silence. "I am at a loss for words. I never am at a loss of words." said Ethel. [*COUGH*COUGH*LAUGH - Jen.] "Well, you know what I'd say. go for it. Let me ask the boss." Ethel said. I was put on hold for what seemed like forever. "OK. Dr. Hedlund said go for it, but one thing. You have to come in and show us after." "Awesome!!!" I said. Now if I had to have asked Dr. Ho from Dana Farber in Boston, I don't think he would have approved. (I love you Dr. Ho!) I met with my tattoo artists, Kristy & Joel. They are husband and wife and are amazing people who take pride in their work. Kristy did my tattoo this afternoon. My Mom took me and sat there the whole time. I am so used to needles. I can't say it felt great, but it is much better than getting a bone marrow biopsy or a port put into your chest. It's a little sore right now but that is normal. So now that I told everyone, I might as well fill you in on the rest. I'm getting TWO more tattoos!!! LOL Now this is where you can call me crazy. I told you I was living on the edge. When I started sketching and then came to the conclusion of leaving my Gemini tattoo and putting my survivor tattoo on my lower back, I thought I should spruce up my Gemini one. And then I kept drawing and thought, well not everyone is going to see my tattoo on my back and I want it to be known I'm a survivor, so might as well get one on my wrist, right? Yup, I'm going next week to get two more tattoos. So, there will be more pictures. I'm loving this. They have such meaning to me. It's not like I'm going to just get a tattoo for the sake of getting a tattoo. I designed them myself. So looking at the picture of my tattoo. The angel wings are because I feel as if I have earned them. Many people say I'm their angel or an angel. I had these colored with most of the colors of cancer awareness ribbons. Pink for breast cancer, blue for colon cancer, yellow for all cancers. My center ribbon is half purple for Hodgkins awareness and half lime green for Lymphoma awareness. Survivor is on the ribbon but I'm thinking of having her color it in with the purple and if she can make survivor black because you can't really see it. The three hearts on the ribbon are for surviving three years. Live Laugh Love has been my motto since the begining.If doing these things (cutting my hair and getting tattoos) make me feel good, I believe they will help me get through more of these gifts of what we call time on earth.
Hello all - this is Jen's MOM. I feel it is so important to let you all know that Jen is really having a very difficult time right now. She tries to stay strong for everyone else, but she needs you all to be strong for her right now. She is feeling so alone (even though she has her family). She just wants to walk, talk, dance, shop, go out with friends again, to feel normal - to breathe...breathe...breathe... Her breathing continues to worsen, and she feels that it won't be long before she is unable to do anything at all. Her doctor keeps raising her meds, and as this happens, Jen will be sleeping more. So to those of you who can, please come by and spend some "quality" time with Jen - take her out if she is up to it. This means everything to her - to have the time while she is able...Thank you all for the love and support you have given my daughter during this most difficult journey. As her MOM, my heart is breaking.
