JASON
Christian Ex-Gay Ministry
Vergebung
Ein wesentlicher Punkt jeglichen Heilungsprozesses ist zum einen die Vergebung. Es ist hierfür nicht wichtig, ob der andere bereut. Ich muss ihm nur jegliche Schuld erlassen und die Angelegenheit Gott übergeben. Das wird mich von einer ungeheueren Last befreien.
Unsere Vergangenheit und die Menschen, denen wir im Leben begegnet sind und die entscheidenden Einfluss daruaf hatten, mögen - vor allem in der Kindheit - entscheidend zur Entwicklung unserer Neigungen beigetragen haben. Das können wir nun nicht mehr ändern. Was wir aber ändern können, ist, ihnen zu vergeben und uns nicht mehr als Opfer zu fühlen (selbst wenn wir welche waren). Jesus ist für uns am Kreuz gestorben, damit wir FREI sein können! Wir sind keine Opfer mehr - wir sind geliebte Kinder Gottes!
Wenn irgend möglich und sinnvoll (Einzelfallentscheidung) sollten wir auch versuchen, die Angelegenheit mit den Betroffenen zu klären. Sei es nun mit Menschen, von denen wir denken, sie hätten uns verletzt (etwa Familienangehörige) oder Menschen, die wir durch unser Verhalten selbst verletzt haben. Wir sollten zu ihnen hingehen, ihnen sagen, wie sehr uns an der Beziehung zu ihnen liegt, dass wir ihnen vergeben (bzw. um Vergebung bitten) und uns durchaus des Schmerzes bewusst sind, den wir ihnen vielleicht selbst zugefügt haben. Gott hat uns vielleicht vergeben - bis wir uns aber selbst vergeben können, was wir geliebten Menschen angetan haben, das kann noch eine ganze Weile dauern.
All das läuft auf ein Ziel hinaus: wir müssen uns von unserer Vergangenheit befreien! Wir sind nicht Sklaven oder Produkt irgendwelcher Umstände. Wir sind Kinder Gottes - und als solche sollen wir unsere Brüder und Schwestern lieben wie Gott uns liebt - und ihnen vergeben wie Gott uns vergibt.
Tim Woodroof
"Poverty of spirit is the capacity to say, 'I was wrong' - and mean it. That simple sentence may be the most difficult one you'll ever speak on a consistant, daily basis. Saying it quickly and sincerely is the essence of the sort of spirit which Jesus calls "poor".
Tim Woodroof
From HA Online
D.
Article from André B.
The Art Of Healing From A Deep Wound
There is a story about a fellow in the army who suffered a nasty
deep gash in his leg. After the doctor had a good look at the wound,
he pulled out a pan of warm water & a soft brush & began to cleanse
the wound with the water, soap and the nylon brush. The cleansing of
the wound was very painful.
And the soldier looked at the doctor & asked, " can't you just
stitch it up without cleaning it?" The doctor replied by saying that
it was necessary to clean the wound in order for it to be healed
properly. He continued to say that if it were not cleaned up, the
healing process would be slow and also would be prone to becoming
infected. The wound he said needs to be cleaned so that the wound
would heal from the inside out.
Many of us have deep wounds that we have been carrying around for a
long time. These wounds also need to be cleansed from the inside
out. These wounds are so well hidden that no else can see them.
What I am talking about is the wound of "Unforgiveness." We receive
this nasty wound when we choose to not forgive others who have hurt
us in one way or another. Un-forgiveness stems from memories that
still hurt. These memories come back everyone in once a while and
they still hurt. The pain that you suffer comes from memories of
being ridiculed, of physical or sexual abuse, harassment, etc.
The problem here is that many of us have buried these hurts deep
down within and have never told anyone about it. You think about it
often and it festers inside like an open gash that has never been
allowed to heal properly.
The question is, do you want to be healed? Or do you want to
continue on for the rest of your life always being angry with
someone who has hurt you
Do you want to continue on for the rest of your life in pain?
There is a way to be healed from the inside out. We need to let
Doctor Jesus take the Holy Ghost brush, using the water and soap of
His Word & blood to cleanse those hidden wounds that have become
infected.
There are two universal truths about life.
1) It is almost safe to say that everybody has a hidden wound, of
some sort, even though they may be masking it well, it is still there
2) The second truth is that emotional scars take a lot longer to
heal than physical wounds.
Ask any Vietnam Vet. Many have come home with missing arms and legs
But, try to talk to them about the horrors of war, which they have
witnessed.
They will tell you that they have terrible dreams for many years,
which haunt them day and night.
Such is the deep, deep wound of not forgiving others. If allowed, it
will scar you for life.
Please allow me to give you 8 characteristics of an unforgiving
person. See for yourself if any or all of these characteristics fits
you. If any, or all sounds like you, it could be that you have been
wounded and are in need of healing.
Bitterness by the way is a character trait of un-forgiveness.
Here are the 8 characteristics of an unforgiving person.
1) A bitter person cares very little for the person he is bitter
against.
2) He is very touchy.
3) Can be ungrateful.
4) Gives empty flattery & harsh criticism.
5) Holds grudges.
6) He displays stubbornness or a sulky attitude.
7) He will help no one or complains sometimes when asked to help.
8) Experiences mood swings, high and low.
What does it feel like when you do not forgive another whom has hurt
or offended you? You may feel intimidated by their presence. You may
feel a sickness in your stomach whenever you think of them. You may
wince at the mere mention of their name.You may feel a sudden welt
of anger swell at the sight of them.
You figure after a time that the pain will go away, like the adage
" Time is a good healer." But in fact, the pain is still there and
some times gets worse.
-Why is this? Because you have not forgiven them from the heart.
God calls on us to forgive, or He will not forgive you your sins.
-Some of the ways in which we deal with a hidden hurt is to:
Grumble, complain & gossip.
Another way is to mull over the situation over & over & over again
allowing the pain to get worse & worse.
Another way is to bury the pain, pretend it does not exist.
By doing this you have built up for yourself a defensive position,
a stronghold in which by mental & emotional means you feel protected
from the one, whom have hurt you,
Or from others like them.
You say things to yourself like:
I'll never get involved with that person again. (or)
He let me down real bad. I'll never do business with him again.
The problem with building up for yourself a defensive stronghold is
that it becomes your very own prison, in which you have locked
yourself within, and the key is just on the other side of the wall,
just slightly out of reach.
Another maybe more common way of dealing with offense is to get even.
You hurt me, I'll hurt you.That's the American way after all, is it
not?
That's like what Elvis Presley said in a movie I watched many years
ago.
He said, " Do unto others as they would have done unto you, except
do it first.
The only problem with these options when dealing with hurt is that
one gets bitter on the inside, rather than getting better, & getting
healed. The poison of bitterness festers like an opened wound and
never really heals properly, and spreads like cancer. Rather than
getting better, the unforgiving person gets worse and more and more
bitter.
-Heb. 12:14 & 15 tells us to " Pursue peace with all people and
holiness without which no one will seek the Lord: looking carefully
lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of
bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become
defiled."
One of the main causes of bitterness is insecurity within our lives
where the seeds of offence are allowed to take root, and bear
poisonous fruit.The results of allowing the root of bitterness, sown
by the seed of un-forgiveness is mental, emotional & physical
sickness and following that is afflictions of many kinds.
God has a cure, a way to dig out the roots and provide us with
internal security, that we not be offended again Let us see if we
cannot understand a few principles of forgiveness.
Chapter 5-7 of Matthew has been rightly called the "Manifesto of the
Kingdom", where Jesus spells out what life is like for the citizens
in the Kingdom of God. Within this Manifesto is contained what is
commonly referred to as "The Lord's Prayer."
Let us read together the Lord' s Prayer. Matt. 6:9-15
In verse 12 we have the word debt, or debts. The sense behind this
word is to " that which is legally due." And likewise in the word "
debtor" we have the sense of one that has not yet made amends to one
whom has injured another in one manner or another. Jesus makes it
quite clear in these verses, that, if we do not forgive, then God
will also not forgive us.
Elsewhere in scripture & a little later in the chronological life of
Jesus one of the disciples approaches Jesus & asks Him to ". teach
us how to pray." Luke 11:1 If you read Luke 11:4 you read: " And
forgive us our sins, For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to
us. And lead us not into temptation." The word sin here translated
from the Greek word " hamartia", has the sense of "Failing to reach
the mark." God likewise sets up for us a standard by which we all
miss the mark. When we miss this mark, it is called sin.
We to, inwardly set standards of how we feel others should treat us.
When others fail to reach that mark, we have the sense that we are
owed something for being offended against, or to re-phrase it, we
are sinned against. And according to Jesus, sin needs to be dealt
with. John writes in 1 John 1:9 " If we confess our sins, He is
faithful & just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all
unrighteousness."
Do you see the problem here? There is an implication in these verses
that if we do not forgive those who have offended us (whom are
indebted to us), we still have sin in our heart, because the Lord
has not forgiven us, for not forgiving others. And if we still have
sin in our heart, there is no cleansing.
In Luke 6:35 –37 Jesus again gives us more practical teaching about
how to handle "Offense." He says; " But love your enemies, do good,
and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be
great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the
unthankful and evil. Therefore, verse 36; be merciful, just as your
Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you shall not be judged.
Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive and you will be
forgiven." The Greek word " apoluo" (ap-ol-oo'-o) used here for
Forgive in verse 37 literally means to " free fully" Other words
used are " to relieve, release, dismiss, let die, pardon, let go,
loose, put or send away, set at liberty The context then is to not
just forgive, but to release them of the debt owed you.
Now, lets read the next verse. Luke 6:38" Give, and it will be given
to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running
over will be put in your bosom. For with the same measure that you
use, it will be measured back to you."
Many have mistakenly thought that this verse is talking about money,
which perhaps may fit.
But taken in context with the above verses of forgiving the thought
becomes complete. In essence Jesus is saying, that if you want to be
forgiven, you yourself must forgive. If you want to be released, you
to must release those whom have hurt you and those whom have
mistreated you. In the same measure that you forgive, God will
likewise forgive you.
There are very many Christians walking about with un-forgiveness in
their heart and cannot understand why their spiritual life has
become so stale and
why they do not seem to be growing spiritually. Perhaps you are one
of those people here tonight. Perhaps you do not even realize that
you have been walking around for years without ever having forgiven
someone whom has offended you. It might be a good idea to pray right
now, this very moment & ask the Holy Spirit to point out to you
where your heart truly is at.
And if you find that you are in need of forgiving someone, why not
pray now asking God first of all to forgive you, then go out this
evening and forgive the one who has offended you.
THE UNFORGIVING SERVANT Matthew 18:21- 35
In Matthew 18 Jesus tells a parable to explain what he had just told
Peter about forgiveness. This parable is about settling accounts.
When others have hurt us we want to settle accounts by doing onto
them what they have done to us.
Let us read verses 21 & 22 first Was Jesus saying that we should
only forgive one 490 times, then on the 491st time smack them? No,
he was saying that there is no limit to the number of times that we
should forgive others who have done us wrong. Nor is He saying that
we need to keep on forgiving the same person for the same offense
over and over again. If you keep forgiving someone for the same
offense, then you never really forgave him or her to begin with.
Does God keep account of sins? Again 1 John 1:9 " If we confess our
sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse
us from all unrighteousness." Does God keep a record of all the
times you have committed the same sins? Does He sit up there on His
throne and say there's so & so, smoking again. I had better write
that down and add it to the long list I already have. Boy, I tell
you, if He kept a record of all our sins, we would sure be in some
real trouble. No, God is not like that. Once we are forgiven, we are
eternally forgiven. We are released; we are set free from the
penalty of sins when confessed.
Likewise as we shall see in the following parable, forgiveness keeps
no record, no account. True forgiveness forgives each time just as
if it was the first time.
Let us read the parable of the unforgiving servant Matthew 18:23-35
Let me point out 5 things in regard to this parable
The king knew fair well that the servant couldn't pay back what he
owed. The parable is teaching a truth about our relationship with
God& with others. We are in fact the servants who owed the king the
ten thousand talents. And like the servant in the parable, we are
unable to pay what we owe as a result of our sin. We as Christians
call out to God for forgiveness and for mercy.
2) The king had compassion on this fellow and forgave him the debt.
To truly forgive this man the debt owed, he had to totally release
the man completely from the debt owed. If the king had merely just
forgiven the servant, he would still owe the outstanding debt. And
therefore the king would be able, at any time to say, come on pay
up. For this man to experience true forgiveness he had to be
released completely from the debt.
3)-From the text we can likely surmise correctly, that the forgiven
servant had already been owed money to him by the second servant of
our story.
Likewise, there were people whom had offended you before you became
a Christian, whom you think, still have an outstanding debt to you.
Have you forgiven them? Or do you still hold them to that debt you
feel owed by them Do you still harbor un-forgiveness over them?
4) It can be inferred from this parable also, that the king would
have expected the forgiven servant to have mercy upon any whom owed
him money. Was he merciful towards his servant? No! Did he forgive &
release this second servant from the debt owed him? No! Again, are
you still holding onto un-forgiveness to someone who has owed you
since before you were born again? Or are you going to settle
accounts here and now and release them of the debt you feel owed
from them?
5) Lastly, the unforgiving servant was handed over to the torturers
to extract every penny that was owed to the king. Jesus likewise
promises that God the Father will likewise hold us to accounts if we
do not forgive others from the heart.
SO HOW DO YOU SETTLE ACCOUNTS?
HOW DO YOU GET HEALED FROM DEEP WOUNDS?
The 1rst order of business is to do business with God.
You need to pray & ask the Holy Spirit to open up your heart & mind,
To point out to you, areas of your life where you have been hurt and
not truly forgiven. You need to ask God to allow you to become
connected to that hurt that you have buried deep inside. This is the
only way in fact in which you will be able to truly forgive from the
heart, if you can identify the source of that hurt.
This must not be merely just an intellectual exercise. Because if
you have forgiven only on a mental level, but leave the emotional
level unchanged, Then all you have succeeded in doing is to satisfy
yourself that you have done the right thing. But the pain in your
heart remains, and you will not be healed.
Pride perhaps has been the reason why you haven't been able to
forgive. If this is the case, then you will have to pray and repent
of the sin of pride as well.
The next thing that you need to do is to make an invoice.
Write down on a piece of paper all the people whom have hurt you.
Write down exactly what it is that they have done to hurt you. Don't
generalize, be specific. For example, don't write dad was a pain in
my backside. Instead write the real issues like, never encouraged me
when I did well at school, or kept getting on my case about my long
hair, or kept telling my friends that I wet my bed when I was ten.
What this does is to help you identify and admit to yourself that
these people owe you a debt for hurting you.
3rdly we need to count the cost of Forgiving, releasing them of this
debt.
You need to realize that they can never pay back what you feel owed
to you.
The king in the parable knew that the servant could never pay him
back the debt owed to him. Likewise, we sinners could never pay back
the debt we owe God. Could you or I ever pay back the debt that God
paid for our ransom when He died on that cross so many years ago. Is
there anything that you can do to pay for the nail scarred hands,
the whiplashes, the thorny
crown, the beard pulled out of his face.
We sing in Sunday school in the morning sometimes with the wee kids
a song called " He Paid A Debt" The words go like this:
He paid a debt He did not owe
I owed a debt I could not pay
I needed someone to wash my sins away
Chorus
And now I sing a brand new song
Amazing grace all day long
Christ Jesus paid a debt
That I could never pay!
He paid a debt at Calvary
He cleansed my soul & set me free
I'm so glad that all my sins are washed away!
I ask you again. Can we pay the debt that we owe? How much has God
forgiven you?
If you were to stop and think of what it cost God to forgive you of
each and every sin, the cost of forgiving others would seem
insignificant by
comparison. Counting the cost also means to no longer have an
emotional weapon against the person whom has hurt us. And at the
same time you have to realize that you will once again become
vulnerable to being hurt again, because your emotions will once
again be made whole, and not seared.
Fourthly, have mercy upon them.
When you pray to God, let it be known to Him if you have felt you
needed to revenge others for what they have done to you.
Unfortunately that is our natural, fleshly, sinful nature to want to
make others feel the same pain and emotion that you felt when they
hurt you. Determine in your heart, that if the opportunity presented
itself, that you could walk up to them and show them mercy for what
they have done to you.
Can you imagine what it would feel like if you looked at the person
in the eye who killed you wife or kid and you could say in your
heart, I forgive you?
Can you imagine the sense of relief they would have if you showed
them
mercy even if you had the power to do unto them what they did to you?
That's what God has done to us. He has shown us mercy by not holding
us to the debt we owe Him for our sins.
Fifth. Forgive & Release those whom have hurt you.
To forgive someone is to release them from the debt they owe you.
When you forgive those that have hurt you, you set a prisoner free.
That prisoner is you.
Now, why do I say that? Resentment & bitterness hurts you, more than
it hurts the other person. Job 5:2 spells it out well. It says " For
wrath kills a foolish man,.."
Too many Christians are walking about saying that they cannot
forgive a person that has hurt them. The result of that is that they
do not have the joy in their life that they should be enjoying
because they are holding on to a grudge, refusing to let it go and
allowing God to bring a healing into their lives. Hanging onto a
grudge cannot change anything. No matter how much bitterness you
have, you will never change what has happened. It won't change the
past, nor will it help the present or the future.
The more you hang onto a grudge the more miserable you feel. While
you are spending all your energy stewing up inside, the person you
are upset with is walking about likely unaware of your anger and is
enjoying themselves.
Resentment never hurts the other person. It only hurts you.
Research has shown that resentment has tremendous consequences. It
can cause physical, emotional & spiritual consequences. We have all
heard someone say about another, " he gives me a pain in the neck."
It is quite true indeed. Bitterness can make you physically ill.
Here is an illustration.
A guy walks into the doctor's office and asks for some pills for his
colitis.
The doctor replies by saying," Who are you colliding with now." S.I.
McMillan wrote in a book called "None of These Diseases" "It's not
what you have been eating, it's what is eating you." There are
physical effects to bitterness.
Likewise there is an emotional effect as well. Depression is a
result of bitterness Depression is the result of a depletion of
emotional energy. Nothing depletes emotional energy faster than
resentment & bitterness.
So you must decide for yourself what you want to do. Do you want to
get better, or do you want to get even?
Bitterness has a spiritual consequence as well.
In Mark 11:25 Jesus tells us," And whenever you stand praying, if
you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in
heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." & verse 26 " But if
you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your
trespasses." This is important to remember. Because God the Father,
forgives you as much as you forgive others
A fellow approached John Wesley one time and said, " I could never
forgive that person! Never! Wesley's reply was this," Then I hope
you never sin." If you refuse to forgive, you are burning the very
bridge you've got to cross in order to get to heaven.
Forgiveness you see is not optional. It is a command. To forgive is
to walk the Christian life. If we are unable to forgive, we neither
will able to be forgiven. Because God has forgiven us, we to must
learn to forgive others.
-Bitterness you see just doesn't work. It is a waste of time &
energy. It does not hurt the other person, but makes you physically,
emotionally & spiritually sick. So learn to release so that you can
be free from the poisonous grip of bitterness.
Here are a few more key verses to help you get over bitterness in
your life and to move forward and be healed.
Romans 12:19 " Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give
place to wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,"
says the Lord.
Revenge belongs to God. Let Him settle the score.
Eph. 4:26 "Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on
your wrath."
When you hang on to bitterness it eats you up and turns into hate.
If you have aught against another it is better to try to resolve it
before going to bed at night where you are likely to just spend half
the night stewing on it.
It is far better to go at once and make peace with your brother or
sister. Eph. 4:32 " And be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
How often has Christ forgiven you? Remember when He was on the
cross. What did He say? He said," Father, forgive them for they know
not what they do." Christ forgave them freely without waiting to be
asked. He took the initiative, likewise so should you? We need to
forgive others as often as need be, without waiting for them to ask
for it, whether they want to or not,
whether they accept it or not.
Your job is to forgive and get over the resentment so that you can
be healed and enjoy life. You'll never stop hurting until you
forgive others who have hurt you. That's the key. That's what sets
you free.
Let me point out what forgiveness is not. It is not pretending that
nothing happened. Wishing that it didn't happen. Ignoring the
hurt.Forgetting it.
That's a cop out. You say I forgive you. That releases them and it
releases you. Forgiveness is not demanding that they change before
you will forgive them. The Bible says you are to forgive as readily
as God forgave us in Christ Jesus.
So how should we forgive? We should forgive the exact same way God
forgives us. God forgives freely, instantly, completely, &
continually. We are to learn to be Christ like. To be Christ like is
to be forgiving.
-Luke 6; 27,28 gives us this further command.
-" …Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those
who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you."
There are many more verses we could look at on the need to forgive.
The key again is to forgive & release those who have hurt you and
rest on Jesus the great physician who will take the Holy Ghost
brush, using the water & soap of His Word & blood to cleanse those
hidden wounds that have become infected. Let Him wash you freely
with His blood and make you whole again.
Oh yes, one more thing. Remember that invoice. Rip it up and burn it
and forget it.
God has set you free.
Are You Ready to Forgive?
Are you ready to forgive?
The importance of forgiveness in biblical counseling
(and in everybody’s life)
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
2. Something bad happens
3. First effects: the damage done and the way out of this: forgiving
4. How do you do it then, forgiving? What does it mean?
5. Forgiving your partner
6. Results of forgiveness
7. What can go wrong?
8. If there is forgiveness, there must have been guilt or sin
9. Reconciliation
10. Confess your sins
11. How can you ever forgive really bad sins?
12. Conclusion – resist the devil, face temptation!
13. Bibliography
1. Introduction
“Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the Lord of the servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him a hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his Lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.” St. Matthew 18:23-35 (KJV)
Brothers and sisters, I am talking about forgiveness. I want to make you understand the importance of forgiving. If you don’t forgive, you sin. You choose the wrong way. The first consequences: You start to find excuses if you do wrong and you try to draw as much attention as possible. Then you will seek domination, influence, power, also revenge for those who did you wrong. You might not even notice your true motivation as you are hiding it from yourself, from others and from God.
Here a quick check-up to find out if you have wrong goals, if your motivation is wrong and dominated by selfishness, ambition, anger and revenge:
Have you ever tried to find excuses if you’re feeling trapped?
Are you sometimes playing the blame game?
Are you afraid that others might notice where you are not so perfect?
Do you hate to justify?
Do you love to be seen, to play an important role, to be the centre of attention – and hide that behind religious phrases?
How much ambition and selfishness is inside of you when you preach or talk in front of others?
Do you sometimes take other’s responsibilities to make a good impression?
Do you love to be seen?
Do you always want to be right?
Do you always have to be there to control everything?
Have you ever thought of committing suicide or hurting yourself in order to punish someone?
Have you ever used sex or no sex as an instrument to punish someone?
Have you ever used your child as an instrument against your partner?
Have you ever prayed against someone or had that wish in your heart that something really bad happens to him?
Do you have problems in forgetting when you’ve been hurt? Do you always come up with the same ole’ stories?
Go inside! Check yourself! Read the bible and pray the Holy Spirit will make you see your true motivation and get back on track again! Don’t break your relationship with God by rebelling against Him, missing His goals or trying to be like Him!
Sometimes it’s so easy to see someone else’s sin. In Matthew 7:5 (KJV) we read: “Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the moth out of thy brother’s eye.”
So let’s focus on that thing called forgiveness and see why it is so important and how it should be done.
2. Something bad happens
“You must not think I am unhappy. What is happiness and unhappiness? It depends so little on the circumstances; it depends really only on that which happens inside a person.” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer – Lutheran Pastor, Theologian, and opponent of Nazism)
I am sure everyone of you can relate to those feelings: Somebody did wrong to you. Really wrong. And you think: well, now God will let the hammer fall on him.
But it doesn’t happen. That guy might even live a good life, have lots of money, a big apartment and a hot girlfriend while you still suffer. Ain’t that crying injustice? Where is God when you need him most? You get more and more angry everyday, you start to pray against that guy and you hope something really bad is going to happen to him.
But it doesn’t! You’re getting nightmares, you start getting embittered and full of hatred against the whole world. What’s wrong here?
Or you might have had a bad childhood. Parents who didn’t pay attention to you, growing up without love, without someone who takes you in his arms and tells you it’s gonna be alright while you were coming home crying. Maybe your parents even beat you up, your daddy was a drunkard or they divorced. Maybe you were even abused as a child.
For the rest of your life you might feel like a victim. Whenever something bad happens to you or you fail in something, your bad childhood is to blame for it. What is wrong in here?
Let’s take a look at St. Luke 6:37: “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shalt be forgiven.” (KJV).
What? But they hurt me! How can you ever forgive that? Ain’t there justice in this world? Ain’t there any hope of ever getting out of this nightmare?
Yes, there is. You might have been hurt lately, but there is hope. Hope in Jesus! He will remove your burdens, he will give your heart peace again. Just let loose, forgive and let God be the judge.
Matthew 11:28-29 (KJV) tells us: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
Jesus also promises: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee”. (Hebrews 13:5 KJV).
Don’t let Satan steal one more moment of the joy that God has set before you! Don’t let him control you life! Don’t let your present behavior reflect bad experiences of your past!
3. First effects: the damage done and the way out of this: forgiving
“Reality thinking is not “Why me?” Reality thinking is “Now what?” (Robert H. Schuller).
This is the first important thing to realize: The way we handle those bad experiences will have influence on our state of health, our emotions, our mind and our hearts.
Once your heart gets really hurt and you are not able to deal with it in a biblical manner, you will get embittered or loose your self-esteem. Nightmares will begin to haunt you. Our not being able to forgive will also break our fellowship with God and make our prayers powerless.
Well, how do you forgive then? Have you ever said things like: “I forgive you, but I will never be able to forget it, even if I live to see a hundred years”. Is that forgiving?
Maybe you think God will understand that you can’t forget or even forgive, as what has happened to you is so bad He simply HAS to understand that!
Maybe you think the guy who did that to you might think what he has done is alright because you just forgave him. Will the crime even be accepted this way?
Well, God will NOT understand that and forgiving does NOT approve of the offense!
It might be very tempting to feel like a victim, drown in self-pity or even feel you are so right – but like that you’re making the problem much bigger and it will haunt you for good. Self-pity equals selfishness. And selfishness will destroy you and opens your heart for the devil!
It might be very tempting not to forgive and maybe you even give in to that and keep that self-pity, anger, hatred, grudge and lust for vengeance in your heart. To give in to sin.
David Seamands tells us in his book “Freedom from the Performance trap”: “Sometimes God seeks us by letting us go. Letting us go our own way and allowing us to suffer inevitable consequences of that way in the hope that our suffering will bring us back to Him.”
So – in the end there is no alternative than to follow the Lord. To forgive. Amen?
How about the Lord himself? Is there any sin God would never forgive? Let’s take a look on St. Matthew 12:31-32: Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men. And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.” (KJV).
Remember also that as long as someone does not believe in the Lord, he cannot be forgiven!
4. How do you do it then, forgiving? What does it mean?
“Turn your hurts inside out and… turn the problem into a project, the enemy into a friend, the hurt into a halo, the scar into a star.” (Robert H. Schuller)
“Forgiveness is foremost an act of God’s grace to forget forever and not hold penitent Christians accountable for sins that they confess (I John 1:7-10). To a lesser degree, forgiveness is the gracious human act of not holding wrong acts against a person. Forgiveness, then, has both divine and human dimensions. In the divine relationship, it is, first of all, the gracious act of God by which believers, who come in obedience to G His plan of salvation, are put into a right relationship to God and, thereby, transferred from spiritual death to spiritual life through the sacrificial offering of the blood of Jesus Christ. It is also, in this divine demonstration, the ongoing gift of God without which we as the once-saved would be lost. In terms of a human dimension, forgiveness is that act and attitude toward those penitent ones (Luke 17:3) who have wronged us which restores relationships and fellowship. A biblical example or how God forgives (and we should forgive one another) is set forth in Luke 15:11-32”. (David A. Amos on www.church-of-christ.org).
He explains God’s plan of salvation like that: “God gave us two laws of pardon that result in His forgiveness! One is for the alien sinner (one who has never known Christ). The first law of pardon is: (1) Hearing the Gospel – John 6:44-45; Romans 10:17; (2) Believing in Christ – John 8:24, Mark 16:16; (3) Repent of sins – Acts 2:38; Acts 17:30; (4) Confessing Christ – Romans 10:9-10; be baptized (immersed in water) – Mark 16:16; Acts 2:38. After doing these things, God will add one to His church (Acts 2:47). He must then be faithful unto death (Revelation 2:10). The second law of pardon is only for Christians who have fallen away from Christ in sin. It is set forth in Acts 8:22, “Repent and pray God”.”
Let’s start with the steps of forgiveness:
First: seek forgiveness yourself. Where have you hurt others?
Let’s focus on three of the hardest things to say: “I am sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me”.
Or as Elton John said it: “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”.
Jesus told us: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. ” (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV).
Second: Forgive everyone who has hurt you.
That may be really hard, but it’s possible. But forgiving does NOT mean you can let everybody walk over you. Proverb says: “a prudent man sees danger and rakes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 22:3 NIV).
So – if somebody really hurts you bad or stresses you out or gets on your nerves: get away from him!
Dick Innes said in his book “You can’t fly with a broken wing” (on www.actscom.com/store): “Nowhere does it say that we are to allow toxic people to dump their poison on us.”
So – separate from them and forgive.
Another important point: you don’t have to like everybody. That’s impossible. But you have to love them.
What? Love?? Yeah, and sometimes it’s a tough love. You do most of it for others. You can’t trust everybody to be loving and kind or at least not be mean and cruel.
Even Jesus didn’t trust everybody as we read in John: “But Jesus didn’t trust them, for he knew mankind to the core. No one needed to tell him how changeable human nature is.” John 2:24-25 (TLB).
In McMillen’s book “None of These Diseases” we hear: ”If selfish people try to take advantage of you, cross them off your list, but don’t try to get even. When you try to get even, you hurt yourself more than you hurt the other fellow.”
You also have to free yourself from the past. Don’t let yourself be imprisoned by the past. Don’t yield to another’s control by not forgiving.
Also don’t drown in self-pity. You might have had a hard childhood – but don’t use that as an excuse for everything bad you are doing now. You’ve grown up. Stop feeling and behaving like a victim. Take control over your life. Don’t play somebody else’s game – like act and response, outrage and revenge, tit for tat.
Forgiving is especially important in relationship or family affairs. If you don’t forgive there, you build up a wall of resentment and you get strangers. Forgive and you can get friends again and restore love feelings between you. At least you can say you did your thing to improve the situation. Also don’t forget you are a role model for your children or for somebody else’s children.
Make also sure your forgiveness is genuine and comes from the heart. Don’t let it get down to be something that is done because of religious or sentimental reasons as it’s the “right thing to do”. If it is not genuine, resentment will come back again with a vengeance. Ever watched a couple fighting and one of them comes up with something that happened years ago? Well, obviously it hasn’t been forgiven then. Let go! Forgive and leave the past behind!
You should be aware, however, that forgiveness is a process. It doesn’t happen with a snap of your fingers. What do you have to do to get through it? First, you got to admit what happened. Don’t deny the facts. Don’t tell yourself this is just a nightmare that will be over tomorrow. Admit that you’ve been hurt. The truth will set you free then.
Then, of course, you have to confront the person who did that to you with the situation. Maybe someone that you love hurt you – go ahead and confront him! Don’t nurse your anger! That does NOT mean you should attack the other guy or play the blame game. So rather use sentences like “I feel angry and sad about what you did to me” than “You did this although you knew what you would destroy!”. Rather use “I-sentences” than “You-sentences”. Be really honest and tell them how you feel. You got to get rid of those bad feelings. Don’t start to hurt the other guy, but “speak the truth in love” as Ephesians 4:15 tells us. If it’s not appropriate to address the other person in words you might also write your feelings down. Write a letter to that person – and tear it up! If you want to send it – never send the first draft. When it comes to feelings, when you really have to sort them out, you’ll probably need more drafts.
Notice also that forgiveness does NOT ignore justice. Remember Pope John Paul forgiving his would-be assassin? In spite of that, this man stayed in prison. If you want somebody else to forgive you, you also have to make a just restitution. It’s not enough to say you’re sorry for having stolen his car, you also got to give it back.
Let’s skip to another topic: While it’s easy to forgive someone who says he’s sorry, it’s kind of supernatural to forgive a guy who wouldn’t even admit he wronged you or just doesn’t care. Or maybe he even hurt you on purpose. What are you going to do now?
Some would tell you now forgiveness is not possible if the other part doesn’t admit he was wrong, says he’s sorry and makes good for it. This is wrong!! Don’t let anybody contaminate you with that! It is easy to love those who love you – but it is way harder to love those who hurt you or even hate you! But that is exactly what a Christian should do! Show the grace to forgive, maybe this will pave the way for the other person’s return!
So – forgiveness is always a choice you can take.
Also notice that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. While you should always forgive, sometimes reconciliation is not possible. Why? Because for reconciliation it takes a mutual desire to do that and a response of the other part.
If they don’t see they have done something wrong and ask for forgiveness, there is no way for reconciliation.
But you should also know that reconciliation is not needed for your healing. Only forgiveness on your part is. Neither do you have to forget. But don’t use that as a bad excuse like in “I can forgive you, but I can’t forget what you have done” – that means nothing else than you can’t forgive either.
So resolve and let go of the resentment you have towards someone who did you wrong. If you don’t, the grudge will stay for good. You might even say you forgive, but when it doesn’t reach your heart you just push those negative feelings back. Be sure, however, that they will return! They will harm your health, deaden your joy and affect present or future relationships.
So – how long will it take to resolve those bad feelings? Well, till they’re gone, till you stopped crying or being angry. Ever heard the saying: Time heals all wounds? Forget it! If you don’t work on your recovery, you remain stuck in your bad emotions. This process of recovery will take time. At the end comes the healing.
Also resolve those problems before you start a new relationship. Don’t carry that ole’ bag with you.
Let’s come to subject four: Forgiveness from God. Complete healing doesn’t take just to forgive everyone who wronged you – you also need to experience God’s forgiveness. If we confess or sins to him, he will grant us complete pardon.
So forgiveness frees the one who forgives and the one who has been forgiven and accepted that forgiveness.
Let’s go back to the parable of the beginning. Forgiveness has two sides: what it really means to forgive and what this forgiving will do for you and those whom you forgive. And last but not least your willingness to forgive affects your fellowship in prayer with the Father.
First, forgiveness is not just an emotional thing. You simply say you are not holding any claims against the debtor anymore. Like the bank where you took up a credit and that tells you now: forget about it, you’re at “zero” again.
Later on, we might want to go back to it and feel the anger and the wish for vengeance come back. But no way! Forgiven is forgiven! We will need the Holy Spirit’s assistance then to recall that very moment we forgave our debtor!
So, whenever Satan tries to tempt you to forget about your forgiveness and give that guy that did wrong to you a hard time, hold your chin up, face him and say: NO! I chose to forgive and I refuse to go back on my decision!
Also pray to the Lord! Pray constantly and ask the Lord for guidance. James 5:16 says: “The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results” (TLB). Amen!
Forgiveness does in no way mean you approve of bad things! Nor is forgiveness the same as reconciliation or restitution! Sure, that would be great, but it’s not the same! But remember one thing: forgiveness DOES pave the way for reconciliation or restitution!
So – if you ever want to have peace in your heart and end this bitterness on the inside: FORGIVE!
But you better be sure you forgive because you love the Lord. Never ever think you’re better than the other person! The Phillippians tells us in 2:1-3 not to do anything out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility should we consider others better than ourselves.
What does forgiveness mean for us – and the other guy involved?
First, that guy can’t use you as a bad excuse no more. He can’t say: “Well, I would like to change, my life could be so much different, but he simply won’t forgive me!”
Remember one thing: if you do not forgive, the case is in your courtroom. If you do forgive, you give it over to God! So – don’t try to make yourself higher than God himself!
What if someone terribly wrongs me? St. Matthew tells us in 18:15-19 to go and show that guy his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you got him back on track. If he doesn’t, go and get some witnesses to testimony to try it again. The plan, of course, is restoration, reconciliation and healing.
Have you ever asked yourself why people who did so much wrong still seem to prosper? Well, that’s exactly why: you didn’t forgive. You were afraid to because you thought God might not punish him like he should be punished. Now it’s eating you up.
If you forgive, however, you say: Dear heavenly Father, I give this person over to you. Treat him like I would want to be treated in his case. I have no claims anymore. I set him free.
In Romans 12:19-21 (KJV) we read: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Also make sure your heart is into it when you forgive. One of my favurites, 1 Corinthians 13 verse 1-13 we read about love, the most important thing in everything you do. Even if you say things in the right way, if you do good and have a strong faith – it serves you nothing if you don’t have love.
Love – the key word of Christianity.
Love.
Nothing but love.
“Your hurt may still be alive tomorrow… but it will be changed. Your hurt will change because your attitude and your perception are changing”. (Robert H. Schuller)
5. Forgiving your partner
Let’s talk about forgiveness and partnership now. Forgiveness is the key to a successful partnership. It sure is not easy and will take some time, especially if your partner really hurt you. Forgiveness also means to quit some of those old habits. It’s the first step to change something for the better, to reach out your hand for reconciliation, to show some trust and meaning it. You have to overcome bitterness and anger, you got to stop paying back in kind in order to have a long-term great relationship!
Maybe you even have to change your attitude, your way of thinking and acting. But most of all you have to learn to forgive with your heart – not just with your words.
And please: if you refuse to forgive, don’t try to make it sound good by finding all kinds of excuses.
An excuse is a reason stuffed with a lie!
There ain’t no excuse for sin. And not to forgive is a sin!
Let’s not forget one thing: If something bad happened, two persons were involved and two persons are to blame. Even if someone commits adultery, in most cases it wasn’t for no reason. It might have been some sort of revenge or madness or disillusionment – whatever. That doesn’t make the sin better, but it does mean forgiveness is a mutual task.
And again: forgiveness has to be done completely – without any “if’s” and “but’s” and without arrogance and vanity that makes you think you are something better.
You might think now: how am I gonna do it? He did so much wrong to me, he treated me so badly – how can I ever manage to get along with him?
Jesus taught us to live one day at a time. So – focus on today. Tomorrow is another day.
6. Results of forgiveness
If you don’t forgive, you still believe the other guy deserves to be punished hard. You want to somehow balance the scales.
But if you do forgive, you’re released from that debt. You’re free. As Romans 13:8 says: From now on, you owe that guy nothing but love!
If you forgive, you also fully rely on the Lord who meets all of your needs! Someone who can’t forgive still somehow feels the other guy holds the keys to his happiness, joy and success. You still want something from that guy. Something that God above cannot provide.
Read Collossians: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
Or my personal favourite: Psalm 23 (KJV):
“The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Wow! Ain’t that great! You don’t need that bad guy to pay you for anything in the world: you got the Lord! Amen!
Forgiveness will also allow you to minister and fellowship again. If you don’t forgive and stay angry and embittered, God will take you out of the whole thing for some time. Church people won’t call you anymore, they might even avoid you. You’re sort of useless. Dr. Tom Elliff once said: “Why should He exalt someone whose life is a direct contradiction to what He wants others to see in Himself – His love and forgiveness?”
Like the unforgiving guy in our parable from the beginning: he was thrown into prison and thus rendered useless and ineffective.
Forgiveness relieves us from torment. It delivers us from those who do us wrong. If you don’t forgive, your agony will stay for good. Like the guy in the parable was given over to the torturers.
Remember: If you don’t forgive, you are the one who suffers most from your bitterness.
Forgive and you will be released from that torture.
In psalm 66:18 (KJV) we read: “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.”
Your prayer will remain without power if you refuse to forgive. That refusal is a sin – you’re in no way better than the other guy then!
So – what can I do other than to forgive to heal my wounds? Remember we pray that the Lord may give us our “daily bread” – and that’s nothing else than the Word of God. Read it everyday and rejoice in it! Once you lay it aside you get vulnerable for Satan’s plans!
So: forgive and get to know the restorative power of forgiveness! Refuse to forgive and you will have living hell!
Robert Jefress once cited a national survey by the George Barna Group in which four out of 10 Americans said they were currently having difficulties forgiving someone who had wronged them. “As many of those people were Christians as non-Christians”, he said.
“Forgiveness is not the prefered choice of most Christians. If becoming a Christian were the only requirement for being a forgiver, then our churches would be filled with loving and forgiving people. Despite worldly standards Christians must forgive on the basis of grace, not justice. Forgiveness is not earned; it is granted.” (Baptist news; www.sbc.net).
And on he goes: “When you demand that your offender do something before you forgive him or her, you are binding yourself to that person.”
Forgiveness will free you.
7. What can go wrong?
Some think repentance of the other guy is a condition for my forgiveness. This is wrong. Also forgiveness does not free the bad guy from possible consequences. But leave that up to the Lord!
Also, don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation or forgetting. We already spoke about that.
If you say: “I will forgive you because Jesus tells us to, but I can’t trust you anymore”, you simply say you neither trust nor forgive that person.
Or: “I forgive your adultery, but we can’t have sex for the next months” it means nothing else than you didn’t fully forgive.
Or: “I forgive you, but I don’t think you will change” - you are not really serious and don’t really believe in God’s forgiveness. You do forgive, but you think you are something better, because your morals or spirituality are better. That is hypocrite!
So: stop forgiving with “but’s”!
Remember: if you nurse the grudge, anger and resentment too long in your heart, it will cause sickness and disease.
Somebody once said: “Failing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Failing to forgive will have bad effects on your emotional, spiritual and physical state of health.
Examples: Ulcerative colitis, toxic goiters, high blood pressure” (Dr. McMillen).
Jesus said: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25 NIV).
Please don’t give in to anger, hatred, lust for vengeance, violence and so on, even if temptation to do so might be there. But that will lead to nothing good. Never ever.
Don’t throw away tomorrow!
8. If there is forgiveness, there must have been guilt or sin
If there is such a thing as forgiveness, there must have been guilt, too.
Let’s go back in time.
In the Old Testament guilt equalled breaking the bond with God. Guilt or sin – that meant disrespecting a duty. A duty as the ten commandments that God gave us. If through idolatry, adultery or whatever this bond was broken, you had to sacrifice something to restore it.
In the course of a year there was a lot of sinning, so the high priest took those sins from the people, put them on a scape goat and chased it into the desert.
Good ole’ times, right?
The New Testament changed a lot: Jesus showed us that no man can be delivered from his sin on his own. This can only be done if God forgives us. How do you get to this point? You got to fully acknowledge and repent your sins.
Jesus died on the cross for us to be free. He didn’t have any sins of his own, he died for OUR sins. Whatever human beings have done or will do is now forgiven if you reach out and take Jesus’ hand.
Imagine that: you are forgiven! Not just 50 % of your debts, but everything bad you’ve ever done! Don’t you think you could be just a little thankful for that? Don’t you think you should show a little effort and try to be like Jesus? You are forgiven a hundred per cent – so how can you even think of not forgiving someone who did wrong to you?
If you sin, you go astray. You’re leaving the way that God told you to go. You revolt against Him and destroy human community. You try to be God and you act like the lost son in the parable. You’re not thankful that Jesus died for you – you even spit on him.
Sin will lead to death. Sin is always guilt. Jesus, however, can give you life – eternal life!
While sin is a biblical expression, guilt is more often used in psychology, so don’t get confused.
Let’s go back to the start: someone sinned against you. It’s your duty as a Christian now to forgive. FULLY forgive – without any “but’s” and “if’s”.
9. Reconciliation
Forgiveness requires a triple reconciliation: with God, with the offender that did you wrong and with yourself. Forgiveness paves the way for reconciliation – but it is NOT the same!
Forgiveness sometimes is a long, slow and painful process. You have been hurt and the wound goes deep down inside. But not to forgive will be the dagger in your heart that makes this wound even bigger and bigger.
Also reconciliation might be a very long and painful process. But there is simply no alternative! If you don’t forgive and make way for reconciliation, the Lord will give you over to the torturers like in the parable. You will suffer immensely. You become desperate, depressed, sad, angry, suicidal, neurotic, physically or mentally ill or even dangerous to society.
Jesus often mentioned sickness and sin in one sentence. That does NOT mean every disease has been caused by sin. But the original cause of disease has been sin – so far it is true. When Eve gave Adam the apple and he took it, paradise was lost for us and diseases started. Without Adam and Eve’s first breaking God’s rule there would be no disease.
And not to forgive is a sin, so we will have to face the consequences.
Remember, however, that you have to face illness and other problems in your life because of the fallen state of our world (Adam and Eve), not just because you sinned and get punished for that. The children in the third-world-countries have not sinned, yet they starve.
If you go and see a psychologist these days, he will tell you go ahead and do whatever you want to do as long as it’s legal and you don’t hurt anyone.
If you’re a Christian, things are not as easy as that. The bible is number one – it’s God’s word and we have to live according to it.
So – whenever something is AGAINST the bible, it’s wrong. You can call it science or whatever then. It is wrong.
And not to forgive sure is as wrong as can be. A lot of psychological problems are due to an inner conflict that has not been solved yet. Like someone did you wrong and you can’t forget or forgive.
You can go and get some of those pills to make you high for a couple of hours and forget about things for a while.
Or you go and settle things in Jesus’ way: forgive the offender, even if this is really hard to do. For a Christian, this is the ONLY way to find peace on the inside again.
Peace in Jesus. Amen!
So – stop listening to feelings, emotions, inner voices, your head or just a street-smart guy - listen to God’s word.
The object of life is not personal happiness, but following Jesus!
10. Confess your sins
Another important thing to do: confess your own sins to others. In James 5:16 we read: “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
Confessing your sins will make you clean inside out!
If you want to forgive, you have to also ask yourself: am I to blame, too, for whatever someone did to me? Maybe he would have never done it if I hadn’t done something wrong, too!
Sometimes you might also think of your own sins. Maybe you have done some real bad sins and you can’t get over it. It’s eating you up. You know the Lord has forgiven you, but you simply can’t forgive yourself. Does that sound familiar to you? If you think like that, you’re placing yourself ON TOP OF GOD! You want to be more just, more righteous than He is! Have you ever seen things this way?
If you can’t forgive yourself, you’re subject to manipulation by others and incredible tortures in your heart. Life is an agony. Wherever something bad happens to you, you think you deserved it. And you are even looking for punishments – by others or by yourself. If you can’t forgive yourself or others, you will drown in self-pity. But remember one thing: self-pity is always selfish!
You want to draw attention and you focus way too much on yourself instead of following Jesus. You are looking for personal happiness that you will never find, as it doesn’t exist. That’s rather a by-product of living a life according to the bible. Follow Jesus and He will give you joy – that’s a lot more than just “being happy”!
11. How can you ever forgive really bad sins?
Maybe you think now: What nonsense! How can you ever forgive if someone did incredible things to you?
When Jesus was crucified, he prayed: “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34).
Stephen pleaded “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60) as the stones battered his body.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer asked for forgiveness for the German nation, while actively resisting Hitler. He paid the highest price you can pay: he died for his conviction.
One thing is for sure: biblical forgiveness ain’t easy! The costs for that are high! Biblical forgiveness also is not something that works by itself. Only God can forgive sins. Eternal forgiveness is available only from God, because sin is against God alone. Jesus, too, had the power to forgive sins. He even paid with His own life to free us from our sins! He took all of our sins upon Himself and atoned for it with His blood.
The reason why we can forgive is Jesus’ delegation of authority. We’re Christians and we got the key to forgive. So use that key!
We cannot forgive sins by our own power, but we can forgive the sins or others. Like that we can show them the eternal forgiveness they can reach through Jesus Christ. We even HAVE to do that! As the Lord’s Prayer says: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”.
Because of His grace we are enabled from the heart to forgive others!
Nobody says it’s going to be easy to forgive. While it seems like everything is forgiven, the next day it will hurt even more. The sadness, anger, hatred, jealousy, depression and lust for vengeance will return.
The road might be very long. Long and full of hurtful moments. But we must walk that road and we don’t need to walk it all alone. Jesus is always by our side. Also remember that all of us have to walk that road. It might be easier for some of us, but for sure we all have to walk it all the way through.
John Powell describes in “Happiness is an inside job” Jesus, the Good Shepard: “I have to keep remembering that he is looking for us lost sheep and rejoicing when he finds us (…) He takes me into his arms and sobs in relief, “You’re home. You know, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. You’re home.”
12. Conclusion – resist the devil, face temptation!
Psalm 130:3-4 tells us: “If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.”
And on in Psalm 32:1: “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.”
And if you want God to forgive your sins, you sure have to forgive everybody who did wrong to you, too!
But what if that guy keeps on doing it? There’s got to be a stop, right?
No!! In Mathew 18:21-22 we read: “Then came Peter to him and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but Until seventy times seven.”
So there is no stop in forgiving. Forgiveness is crucial for your relationship with God, with the people you are living with and with yourself, as you will never find peace on the inside if you don’t let loose and forgive!
We all know how hard it is sometimes to forgive. You’ve been hurt bad and even if you forgive today, temptation will come back tomorrow and tell you: what the heck! I wish something really bad happens to that guy!
And maybe the devil even gives you a chance to pay back in kind.
James 4:7 knows that situation and tells us: “Resist the Devil and he will flee from you”. AMEN!
We’re all vulnerable and we should be aware of that. God wants us never to get cocky, arrogant or overconfident – that will certainly lead to nothing good. Jeremiah said “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure” (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV). So we’re pretty good at fooling ourselves. Under the right circumstances, we all are capable of any sin. So never think you are beyond temptation! Never let down your guard!
Every temptation is also a chance, an opportunity to do good and forgive.
Don’t put the blame on the circumstances. Temptation always starts in your mind. Jesus said: “For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, slander, pride and foolishness. All these things come from within” (Mark 7:21-23 NLT).
So it’s not only the act of being obedient to God that counts, it’s also what’s in your heart. There is the origin of sin – and also the origin of ding good.
And if you got to forgive again, do so! St. Luke tells us in 17:3-4 (KJV): “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.”
Forgiveness will heal your broken relationship with the Lord, with the guys you are living with and with yourself. It takes away the nightmares, the fears and depressions, the anger, the vengeance and the hatred. And it paves the way for reconciliation.
Maybe you think those Christians really live a weird life. No pleasures, no fighting back, no sex, no punching somebody who did you wrong.
C.H. Spurgeons wrote in his book “Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXVII (1891): “”Well Jack”, said one who met a man who had recently became a Christian, “I hear you have given up all your pleasures.” “No”, said Jack, “the fact lies the other way. I have just found all my pleasures, and I have only given up my follies.”
Forgiveness will let the sun shine in your heart again. And in your life – as you open your heart for Jesus and for your own forgiveness as you can read in the Acts 11:43: “To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins.”
If you break your bond with Jesus, however, by not forgiving, you will be given over to the torturers and harvest the fruit of the flesh as the Galatians names them in 6:19-21: “Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings and such like” whereas the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith.”
So – if you’re depressed, full of anger, bitterness and hatred against the whole world, maybe you should take a look into your heart: is there somebody who did wrong to you and whom you have not forgiven yet?
Ephesians 4:31-32 (KJV) says: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” And it demands in 5:22-23 (KJV): “That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind.”
Sin leads to depression, hate, sexual immorality, despair, greed, anger and violence.
So, don’t get mad at God because bad things have been done to you. Don’t scream at Him: “Why did you let it happen?”. It’s not His fault if you’re both empty and sad now – it’s your own fault! Do as He told you – forgive, and you will see the light again!
If you forgive, you’ll find your true identity in Jesus again. He will set you free of those wrong feelings that are simply not you. He will give you back life again! Amen!
James says in 4:12: “Who art thou that judgest another” and Romans tells us in 14:13: “Let us not therefore judge one another anymore”.
But what do you do when temptation comes up again? When you feel the anger and the hatred come back? Don’t feel ashamed just for being tempted. Like that you will never overcome temptation. Consider temptation something good. If you would already do as Satan wants you, he would not have to tempt you. Temptation is not a sign of weakness, it means Satan hates you. Paul advises in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT): “When you’re tempted, remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience.”
Face temptation and the devil will flee from you!
The bible never tells us to “resist temptation” but “resist the devil”. Don’t forget even Jesus was tempted, but He never sinned! So only when you give in to temptation it becomes a sin.
Martin Luther said: “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”.
Recognize your pattern of temptation, be prepared for it and also ask for God’s help! “Call on me in times of trouble. I will rescue you, and you will honor me” says the Lord in Psalm 50:15 (GWT).
Focus your attention on something else, talk about it with a Christian brother or sister. Remember you’re vulnerable but you have the power to resist the devil.
God won’t give you more than you can take.
1 John 2:9-11 (KJV) tells us: “He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness blinded his eyes.”
Let’s focus on that: You don’t forgive and you’ll live in darkness. So don’t come complaining about that torments you’re going through while you still have anger and hatred against your brother in your heart! You are giving in to the devil, you destroy yourself, you break the relationship with your brother and finally you break the bond with God!
Whereas if you forgive, you’ll walk in the light, be at peace with yourself and your brother and rejoice in the love for the Lord! Amen!
Think of why you might be angry at someone. Because he took something that belongs to you? Or someone? Because he hurt you? Or is it simply envy and greed that tortures you? Lust for vengeance?
Read 1 John 2:15-17 (KJV): “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever”. Amen!
Let’s put it in simple words:
Nobody said it’s gonna be easy. It sure hurts bad to forgive somebody who did you wrong. Feels kinda weird, right? Even hurts! But there ain’t no other way. It’s either God or Satan – there’s nothing in-between.
And if everybody tells you you’re out of your mind to forgive someone who did this to you: Never mind! Forgive! You gonna be with Jesus someday, so that should be worth it, right? Don’t forget Jesus died for you, too!
“For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins”.
He died for YOUR sins although He didn’t even have any sins of His own! And you dare not to forgive somebody that doesn’t even get close to that?
Jesus says in St John 8:7 (KJV): “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.”
„I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.” (John 11:25)
Amen!
Munich, Germany, December 2004: Robert Gollwitzer
13. Bibliography
Lewis, Robert: „Raising a Modern-Day Knight“. Wheaton, Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, 1997.
Lewis, Robert: “Real Family Values”. Sisters, Oregon. Multnomah Publishers Inc., 1995.
Dallas, Joe: “A Strong Delusion. Confronting the “Gay Christian” Movement”. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1996.
Homepages of the southern Baptists (www.sbc.net), the Church of Christ (www.church-of-christ.org), www.actscom.com, www.genesiscounseling.org
Material of the Christian program “Homosexuals Anonymous”, of “Exodus” and other programs related to that
Reinhold Ruthe: “Seelsorge – wie macht man das?”. Gießen. Brunnen Verlag. 1993
Lawrence J. Crabb: „Die Last des anderen“. Basel. Brunnen Verlag. 1984
Robert H. Schuller: „Turning Hurts into Halos“. Nashville. Thomas Nelson Publishers. 1999
Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components ." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Wounds
As we grew up we suffered daily at the hands of those around us. Some
of us were bullied by our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters,
neighbours, children in our street, children in school, uncles,
aunties, you name it. Many of us experienced so many traumas,
physically and emotionally that we wonder how we ever survived our
childhood and adolescence. We were tortured, ridiculed, mocked, spat
upon, dehumanized, raped, molested, teased, humiliated and made to
feel that we are the scum of the earth. And we believed it.
Unknowingly these people who made our lives a living hell inflicted
wounds on us that may still not have healed.
Because of the constant hostility of those around us towards us, we
began to accept the belief that we were worthless. We began to loose
confidence in ourselves and people in general. Our tormentors whether
knowing or unknowingly, imprinted on our minds and hearts that we are
not worthy of receiving any love. We considered the outside world as
a very hostile place. Our trust in people diminished each and every
time an attack was launched on us. Our world became smaller and
smaller. For some of us it became so small that we never even dared
to venture beyond the four walls of our rooms. We were mortified of
the outside world. Those of us who had the added burden of being
effeminate, had a permanent banner of ridicule hanging over our
heads, always drawing attention from those around us. When they began
to notice the unpleasant responses of the people towards their
behaviour, they began to loathe themselves and tried repeatedly to
act more manly. Many times they failed miserably. They began to fear
being in public places and interacting with other boys. Too scared of
the laughs that would usually follow once their effeminate behaviour
becomes known.
How we despised who were. We began to hate ourselves because of our
continual failure to live up to the standards of those around us.
When we tried to fit in, our attempts were blown apart and we
immediately withdrew again into ourselves. With each blow, the deeper
and deeper we went into ourselves.
For those of us who were unfortunate to have abusive parents or
siblings, the torment continued inside the house. Some of our dads
slapped us around to such a degree that our faces and bodies were
always swollen from their beatings. Some of our moms did nothing
really to make us feel better afterwards. However most of our mothers
automatically became too overprotective over us and kept us from the
outside world and our abusive fathers. We grasped on to their
affection with our dear lives because they were the only people in
the world that showed us love. Some had grandmothers or aunties or
even sisters who took them under their wings. Many of us felt safe
around them and found comfort and a moments peace within their female
world. The females in our lives became our heroines. They became
larger than life.
Much of the emotional and physical trauma we experienced occurred
before the age of five. Interestingly enough, most psychologists
agree that a child becomes gender conscious around the age of 3-6.
According to a researcher named J C Condry, in the book Gender
Identity and Social competence. Sex Roles, children start to
distinguish between 'man' and 'woman' at this age, and view
themselves as a member of one category, and regard themselves as
either 'boy' or 'girl'.
One must also understand that gender role identity development is an
ongoing process and continues right up to puberty. However, because
many of us we felt continually threatened by the masculine world, we
began to identify ourselves with the female world. Gender role
identity must also not be confused with sexuality or gender identity
(physical biology, J.S.Dacey, Adolescents today, 1979). Although the
one leads to other and influence one another, they are nevertheless
separate. Gender role identity is the person's own perception of
which he/she is gender wise. One can also draw the conclusion from
Dacey's and Condry's work that if a child continuously feels
threatened by the parent of his own gender, or members of his own
gender, and if it occurs during the crucial age of 3-6, he may just
subconsciously choose to identify with the members of the opposite
sex .When one considers this, its not difficult why many of us became
homosexual, transsexual, bi-sexual, etc. Because we experienced the
masculine world as hostile and female world as comforting and safe,
we believed the lie that we were female and not male even though our
biology indicated differently. Interestingly enough also, when one
studies Condry's three phases of gender role identity formation, you
notice that during the second phase (gender role orientation), the
child gives increasing attention to "members of his own gender, with
a strong focus on learning the roles of that gender". It occurs
mainly by observation and by exploring and exercising the gender role
by means of play activities. When one considers this, and if the
child chose to identify with the opposite sex, it becomes clear why
most of us felt extremely uncomfortable playing with boys or our dads
or doing things that was expected of boys. Instead many of us felt
right at home playing house with our sisters and female friends and
being in the company of our moms. Because the first phase of our
development started off wrong, we "orientated" incorrectly as well.
Instead of modelling ourselves after our dad's and male siblings, we
modelled ourselves after the females we identified with.
Because this is not common knowledge, our dad's and other males
around us, obviously did not responded friendly towards us, thus
worsening the problem. We began to drift further away from any. The
possibility of adapting a masculine gender role began to decrease all
more and more until we became detrimentally ostracised from men.
During adolescence another change also occures. According to a
researcher named F D Alsaker, during sexual maturation there also
occurs a shift towards members of the opposite sex. In pre-
adolescent years there was a stronger tendency towards same-sex peer
relationships. I believe this is why most of us experienced our first
homosexual encounters during puberty or became sexually
attracted /interested in men. The fact that we were moving away from
our perceived female 'peers' towards members of whom we considered
the 'opposite' sex was normal human psycho-sexual development in
itself. However what made this normal development phase in our case
abnormal was that the persons we considered to be our opposites were
in actual fact our biological equals. But because we held an
incorrect view of our own gender role, we began to seek out
relationships that were in our perception "heterosexual". Our
accepted gender role was female, they were male. I believe that is
why homosexual feelings feel so normal to us and why we had this urge
to develop homosexual relationships. To us it was 'heterosexual' but
in reality it was homosexual. Men are our peers, not opposites.
This brings me to what I really wanted to talk to you about. Pain. I
mentioned all the things above to help you understand that you have
been through a lot. Many of us have been to hell and back through the
trauma that occurred in our lives. I mention this not to inspire you
to self pity nor am I on a crusade to instil feelings of hatred
towards those who have wronged you. No. I'm telling you all this to
let you know that you have suffered a lot during your life. You were
abused, maltreated and scorned. The problems you have today with your
sexuality and gender identity is not because you are freak of nature
or some kind of half- monster. No, a lot of terrible things led to
where you may find yourself today. If there are psychological damage
or emotional problems, begin to understand that you did not choose to
have obsessive compulsive disorders, same sex attractions, severe
insecurities, multiple phobias, personality disorders or even
psychosis. You need to show mercy on yourself. If there is anyone who
deserves mercy and compassion it is you.
Just consider the terrible child abuses we hear of daily in the news.
Children are exploited and terrorised in ever possible way. It is
only until recently that Satanic Ritual abuse has come under the
spotlight. Children are put through the most terrible of tortures at
the hands of brutal men and women. Now imagine you had to spend a day
with one of these children. What will your immediate response be?
You'd feel enormous pity for them. You would just feel like picking
one of them up and hugging them and telling them them that's going to
be ok, that it's not their fault. Why don't you do that to yourself
also? Your natural response to any traumatised child will be to offer
support and love. You need to do that to yourself as well. So when
you think of the little boy you once were, don't ever call him "that
little weakling', 'coward' or 'sissy'. He couldn't help what was
happening to him. He endured much torture for many years but yet
still made something of himself. More than that, he was made holy a
later in his life by a Man who washed him clean and purified him from
all defilement with Godly Blood.
So when you still struggle with emotional or psychological issues,
remember you've been through a lot. You cannot undo years of abuse
just at click of a finger. It doesn't work like that. Give yourself
time to heal. Give yourself time to recover from homosexuality. Don't
push yourself too much. If you do anything be gentle with yourself.
When you still battle with pornography don't hate yourself because of
the addiction you have. Hate the sin not yourself. Remember this was
the method you have adopted to help you cope with the horrible
circumstances with your life. It has become a habit. The software is
running. Unlike man made pc's, you can't get rid of it with just one
click of a button. Instant sanctification is as unbiblicalas the
astrology.
So this is what I want to leave with you. Take care of yourselves.
Nurture yourself as you would a traumatised child. Speak words of
encouragement to yourself. Don't chastise yourself over your faults
and shortcomings. Start being a friend to yourself. You've been
through a lot already. We sometimes forget this.
This is enough for today.
It is my prayer that the God of Israel, pour His new wine and healing
oil on your wounds.
Blessings
A.
Links National
Was kostet Vergebung?
Vorbedingungen für Gottes Vergebung?
V wie Vergebung
15. ... Vergebung der Sünden,
Vergebung ausgenutzt?
Wie bekomme ich Vergebung von Gott?
Schwer versündigt - was nun?
Wer kann Schuld vergeben?
Schuld - Vergeben und Vergessen?
Wie oft soll ich meinem Bruder vergeben?
Die unvergebene Schuld
Links International
Forgiveness: The Power That Heals
Forgiving Yourself
What about Forgiveness?
What is the "unforgivable sin"? Is this the "sin unto death?"
What does the Bible teach on letting go of past and present hurts and heartaches?
Parents' Example of Forgiveness brings Prodigal Son to Jesus
Being a Man of Forgiveness
Resources
The Heart of Texas
http://www.heartoftexasthemovie.com/index.html
When tragedy pierces the heart of a small community on the quiet Texas plains, its townspeople witness what can happen when grace and forgiveness triumph over anguish and outrage.
Against the clamorous traffic of our crowded lives, a story of such tender mercy can seem more of a work of fiction or a wishful tale...yet every moment of this unbelievable story is true.
