JASON

W

hen I first met Jennifer at a seminar that I was leading, she was very withdrawn and her face, apart from sad eyes, was expressionless. She said little all day but her body language spoke volumes. It didn't take a great deal of insight to realize that Jennifer was in incredible pain.

I was quite busy and didn't give any more thought to Jennifer until a few weeks later when she turned up a thousand miles away at a more intensive week-long counseling workshop. Here her story unfolded.

Jennifer was at breaking point. She had a young son and was about to give him up for adoption. She told us she was so afraid to be touched she couldn't stand her own child hugging her. It was no surprise to learn that Jennifer was a rape victim-repeated rape. In fact, her son was a child of rape. It started when she was very young and left her paralyzed with fear.

Like a lion in the forest preys on wounded animals, perpetrating men saw Jennifer as easy prey and had been violating her for much of her 40 years. She came to our counseling week as a last hope. Since nothing else had worked, she determined that if she didn't find help here, she was going to take her life.

Fortunately, Jennifer found a place where she felt safe to share her story and express the incredibly painful emotions that had been bottled up inside since she was repeatedly raped as a small child and as an adolescent. Time and again she had been used and shamed. She felt ugly, dirty, unlovable, and despised.

She felt that suicide
was the only way out.

To be healed Jennifer needed to share not only what had happened to her (where she had been sinned against) but also all of the hurt, shame, anger (rage), and terror she felt. Although her painful emotions were justified by the horrible mistreatment she had suffered, Jennifer had turned these emotions against herself and they were destroying her.

Cautiously, Jennifer began to share. Then her feelings came rushing out in torrents. It was the first time in her life she completely shared her bottled-up emotions. This catharsis (emptying out) was essential to open the way for Jennifer to begin to heal. Without first taking this step, she couldn't be freed from the past so she could, in time, move to a point of forgiveness. After three days of painful sharing, we prayed for Jennifer. She went back to her room and returned some time later looking like a different person. She put on a pretty blouse, makeup, fixed her hair, and came in wearing a million-dollar smile. She had a long road ahead but her healing and freedom from the past had begun.

More than a year after the seminars I ran into Jennifer again. She had sought out Christian counseling and although her progress was slow, she was doing incredibly well. Her spiritual and emotional healing was well underway.

Jennifer's story is by no means unusual as there are millions of others who have been sexually, physically and/or emotionally abused. Others of us, while not suffering such extreme abuse, still have plenty of wounds and unmet needs. We live in a sinful, fallen world and none of us escape the ravages of sin. Every family has some "dysfunction." True, some families are more dysfunctional than others, but every family has been affected. Some of us are either co-dependent or overly independent. Others of us are detached, perfectionistic, prone to anger, excessively anxious or sad. Each of us needs some spiritual, emotional, or relational healing.

One of the facts of life is that we are destined to repeat in one form or another those dysfunctions we fail to resolve, or take out our hurt and anger on the ones we love-and then pass on our dysfunctions to our children! The Bible says, "The sins of the fathers are visited to the third and fourth generation."¹ This is why it is imperative that, with God's help, we resolve them. The following steps will help.

First, we need to admit that we have been hurt, that we have a problem, and that we need healing.

Second, we need to want healing badly enough to be willing to face our pain rather than bury it. As Jesus, the Master physician, said to a man who had been an invalid for 38 years: "Do you want to get well?"² It sounds like a silly question but it is really profound. We have to want to get better badly enough to face our hidden or painful hurts. Only those who want to be healed will be. The half-hearted never make it.

Third, it isn't enough to talk about our painful feelings. We need to find a safe place with a trusted friend, counselor, therapy group, or recovery group where we can confidentially experience and express our feelings of hurt, guilt, shame, anger, fear, plus our sins and faults. These are the secrets that comprise our dark side which, unconfessed, keep us bound. As it has been said, "We are as sick as our secrets."

Fourth, when necessary, where we have hurt somebody else, we need to seek their forgiveness and, wherever possible, right the wrong that we have done.

Jennifer came in wearing a million
dollar smile. Her healing had begun.

Fifth, we then need to forgive all who have hurt us. This is part of gaining freedom from the past. Once we have grown strong enough to face our pain, set appropriate boundaries, and develop some safe relationships, we can begin to forgive. But we cannot simply put forgiveness on top of unresolved hurt, grief, or anger. These must first be dealt with and resolved. Then we are ready to forgive.

Sixth, we need to confess our sins and faults to God and ask for and receive his forgiveness. His Word says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."³

Seventh, we need to forgive ourselves, let go of the past, and move on to become the persons God planned for us to be. Once we have faced our pain and hurt and anger and begun to forgive, we can start looking ahead in life.

Eighth, develop a healthy support network with a trusted friend or two. At the very minimum, ask God to give you at least one close friend whom you trust implicitly and with whom you can share your total self-your joys sorrows, victories, and failures-and with whom you can keep accountable.

Finally, we need to consistently seek God's help through prayer, scripture, and Christian fellowship. I don't mean through a magical quick fix but rather through the miracle of God's healing over time through our relationship with Him and members of the body of Christ.
In fact, one of the names for God in Hebrew, Yahweh-rophe, literally means "The Lord who heals."

God wants to heal us and has shown us the way. It's in the Bible which says, "Confess your sins and faults to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed."⁴ Do you want to be healed? Do it God's way and you will be. It may take time but He wants you to become the person He created you to be.

1. Deuteronomy 5:9.   
2. John 5:6.   
3. 1 John 1:9 (NIV).   
4. James 5:16.

... without having to be "religious"

I

 walked into a Religious Instruction classroom in a public school in Australia and with tongue-in-cheek wrote in large letters across the board:

"Man, in this class, you'll get shot," gasped one student in amazement.

"But I'm sold on real Christianity," I responded.

"Well, what's the difference?" several chorused.

"Let me explain," I replied.

1. Know God's Purpose

True, Christianity is a religion, but people can be religious without being Christians. Christ condemned the religious Pharisees of his day because they hid their real selves behind a facade of religion and external morality.

It may sound odd, but God isn't into religion or external morality. He's into relationships, inspirational living, and reality. That is, he wants us not only to have a right relationship with him, but also with each other and with ourselves. And he wants us to be real—to see and admit what we truly are so he can help us.

Neither is it God's goal to make us good. It's to make us whole, for only to the degree that we are made whole will our actions, lifestyle, and relationships be wholesome!

Religion tends to want to fix us from the outside in. God wants to fix us from the inside out. The first can become an impossible burden. The latter is what brings freedom. Christianity is not a set of rules and regulations. It is experiencing divine love, divine acceptance and divine forgiveness.

It helps to realize that God isn't out to zap us for the wrongs we've done. In fact, no matter what we have ever done or have failed to do, he loves us with an everlasting love and has a wonderful purpose for our lives—for this life as well as the next! As Jesus said, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."¹ And again, "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness."²

2. Man's Problem

On the outside we may look like we are doing very well, but on the inside everyone of us has a major issue. Seneca, the ancient Roman philosopher, put it bluntly when he said, "We have all sinned. Some more. Some less." God's Word, the Bible agrees. It reads, "We have all sinned and fallen short of God's standard."³ Sin, however, is not only doing harmful acts. It is anything that falls short of the standard of perfection that God envisioned for us. This includes nursing grudges and other negative emotions, pride, jealousy, mixed motives, etc. Most of us, too, are guilty of sins of omission; that is, not doing what we know we should and could do.⁴

Another misconception about God is that he is out to get us or to punish us for our sins. We bring sin's punishment on ourselves because sin has its own natural consequences. If we try to break the universal law of gravity, for instance, we can't. It will break us. Neither can we break God's universal moral law. When we do, it breaks us, and besides its painful effects in this life—suffering, sorrow, sickness and spiritual death—its ultimate and tragic consequence is eternal death or separation from God.⁵

We are like a burned out or "dead" electric light bulb that cannot respond to its power source. And because we are spiritually dead, we cannot respond to God's love and power either, without his first "fixing" us. Furthermore, because of our spiritual deadness, it is impossible for anyone to save him or herself. Only God can do this. This is why all the "good works" in the world cannot make us alive to God. Only when we see and admit this, is God able to "fix" us!

3. Christ's Answer

Because our sin has separated or disconnected us from God, we have been left with a God-shaped vacuum, or spiritual emptiness, within. As Augustine put it, "You have made us for yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you." The world's many religions are all evidence of man's endless search to find God and fill this vacuum. However, because God loved us so much, he sent his own sinless Son, Jesus Christ, to save us from our predicament.⁶

Christ did this by dying on the cross in our place to pay the consequence of and ransom price for our sins—death. Thus, Jesus Christ is God's only provision for our sin, and he is the only way back to God and the only door into eternal life.⁷

God's Word, the Bible, says, "For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men."⁸ Had there been any other way to save mankind, Christ wouldn't have had to die for us. Because he was without sin, he was the only one qualified to die for our sins.

4. Invitation to accept God's pardon

Inviting Jesus into your heart and life as your personal Savior is your Passport into Heaven. Whatever, you do, don't leave Earth without it!

If you genuinely prayed the prayer to invite Jesus Christ into your life and truly meant it, you are now a true Christian and have the gift of a new spiritual life as well as eternal life. You are also a child of God and a member of his family.¹³ God promised this. Choose to accept it. Take it by faith and not feelings. Feelings change but God's Word never does.

God's Word says, "And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life."¹⁴

When you pray to receive Christ into your life, you have a brand new spiritual life and this life needs care and nurturing just as your physical life does. Again, if you prayed to invite Christ into your life, be sure to CLICK HERE or on the PASSPORT link above, fill in and submit the coupon and we will be send you the web address for helpful free articles.

A prayer to recommit your life to Jesus Christ:

"Dear God, I confess that I have strayed from my first love for you and want to recommit my life and way to you. Please help me to become the man/woman/teen you want me to be and always live a life that will please you and be a witness to others of your saving grace and power. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen.

If you genuinely prayed this prayer, be sure to CLICK HERE or on the PASSPORT link above, fill in and submit the form and we will send you the web address for helpful free articles.

FOOTNOTES:   1. John 3:16;   2. John 10:10;   3. Romans 3:23;   4. James 4:17;   5. Romans 6:23;    6. See Ephesians 2:8-9;   7. See John 14:6;   8. 1 Timothy 2:5-6;   9. 1 John 1:9;   10. Mark 1:15;   11. Acts 16:31;   12. John 1:12;   13. See 2 Corinthians 5:17 and John 1:12;   14. 1 John 5:11-13.

More than 3,000,000 of this article in print.

"Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don't you remember?"¹

A lawyer whom I believe was sincere wrote saying, "As my profession is a lawyer, when someone cites the Bible, I always tend to think about different ways of interpretation of the Word—such as during the times of the inquisition."

Good point. I think many people genuinely struggle with the same question as there are so many different interpretations of God's Word … and so many different applications of the same passages.

Answering a lawyer is out of my league; however, suffice it to say that legalists (out of their own insecurities and authoritarian stance) will use God's Word to control people to get them to conform to their (the legalist's) neuroses. At the opposite end of the scale are those who say what "speaks" to them in the Bible is God's Word and the rest they conveniently ignore—a very comfortable but, like the legalist's view, a self-deceptive way to live. Somewhere between these extremes are those who seek a balanced view of what God is really saying.

One major problem is that we all interpret situations, etc., on the basis of who we are and often on what we want to see... and on how honest or dishonest we are with our own selves.

In other words, we all look at truth—including God's Truth, the Bible—through our own warped lenses. The more dishonest we are with ourselves, the more warped our lenses will be, and the more warped our lenses, the more we will distort all truth (including God's Truth) to make it match our perception of reality—and thereby interpret it to say what we want it to say. Alternatively, the more honest we are with ourselves (less defensive, etc.) the less warped will be our lenses, and the clearer we will see all truth, including God's Truth. I believe it is  impossible to be intellectually honest without being personally honest.

If we want to interpret God's Word correctly and see and hear what God is really saying, we need to start by “melting” our hardened hearts (the cause of which is personal dishonesty and defensiveness), and by becoming courageously honest with ourselves.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be real, authentic, and courageously honest with myself so I can see your Word more clearly, and follow your directives more closely. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Mark 8:17-18 (NIV).

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