JASON
Christian Ex-Gay Ministry
Einführung
JASON ermutigt an dieser Stelle ausdrücklich auch unsere jüdischen Brüder und Schwestern, mit uns Kontakt aufzunehmen. Gerne kommen wir auch in jüdische Gemeinden, sprechen mit den Verantwortlichen dort oder halten Vorträge / Seminare.
Wer als Jude an einer JASON-Gruppe teilnimmt oder den individuellen Kontakt mit uns sucht, muss keine Angst haben, dass wir in irgendeiner Weise versuchen werden, ihn oder sie zum Übertritt zum christlichen Glauben zu bewegen. Ebensowenig zwingen wir unseren Glauben denen auf, die sich als Atheisten bezeichnen. Wir haben Erfahrung darin, unser Programm an die individuellen Bedürfnisse der Ratsuchenden anzupassen.
JASON steht auch in Kontakt mit Arthur Goldberg vom jüdischen Ex-Gay Ministry Jonah sowie von NARTH. Eine Teilnahme von Menschen jüdischen Glaubens sowie beratende Tätigkeiten in jüdischen Gemeinden würden immer in enger Absprache mit ihm erfolgen.
Die Konversation kann in deutsch, englisch, französisch (und wenn es sein muss auch teilweise in hebräisch) erfolgen. Einzelne Mitglieder von JASON haben Erfahrung im Umgang mit Juden aus Deutschland, den USA und Israel und sind vertraut mit den Grundlagen des jüdischen Glaubens sowie in interreligiösen Treffen mit jüdischen Organisationen aktiv. Ebenso haben wir über Jonah sowie privat Kontakte nach Israel.
Geben Sie sich einen Ruck und nehmen Sie doch einmal unverbindlich Kontakt mit uns auf!
Hinzufügen möchten wir auch, dass wir Links grundsätzlich aus Informationszwecken setzen. Die Tatsache, dass hier ein Link zu einer Organisation ist, heißt also nicht zwangsweise, dass diese uns auch unterstützt. Falls gewünscht, bitten wir um eine kurze Info (E-Mail) und wir werden den Link wieder entfernen.
For English-speaking visitors: JASON adds links to organisations that we consider helpful for our clients. The fact that those links are on our homepage does not necessarily mean those organisations also support JASON. If you want us to remove any of those links, please send us an email.
Homosexuality and Judaism | 2001
Written by Rabbi Barry Freundel
Introduction
Homosexuality, once a word whispered only with revulsion or derision, is now out in the open for all to see and hear. In fact, homosexuality and its attendant issues have become big news.
Whether it is the rapidly spreading, and ever-more frightening AIDS epidemic, or the increase in sympathetic "gay" characters in the theater and in literature, or the widening legal battles over the status of homosexuals, one cannot go very far in contemporary society with out confronting this once extremely closet-bound topic.
Traditional Judaism, too, has been forced to confront the issue as "gay" individuals and "synagogues" have appeared on the Jewish landscape, often appealing for support from the liberal segments of the Jewish community.
Certainly, an authentic Jewish response must begin with the biblical prohibition against homosexuality. The Bible unequivocally states that a homosexual act between two consenting adult males is a capital crime(1). Therefore, homosexuality is an activity that no traditional Jew can engage in, endorse, accept, or approve of (recent televised statements to the contrary notwithstanding)(2).
Despite this initial biblical negative, there is much to discuss regarding our attitude to the homosexual, the issue of the homosexual's place in the community, the question of approach and the treatment of the homosexual, and the problem of the homosexual's rights and acceptance in society. In addition, we must consider why the Bible and Jewish thought reject homosexuality keeping in mind as we do that female homosexuality, though forbidden, is not nearly as serious a crime as is its male counterpart(3).
Drawing the Right Picture
Our analysis of Judaism's approach to homosexuality begins with the question, "What is Judaism's view of the Jewish homosexual?" It is this author's contention that the only appropriate answer to this question is "there is no such individual(4)."
To explain this rather radical statement, one must go back to the structure that halacha places upon Jewish society. In this structure there are certain legal personalities who constitute the dramatis personae of the Jewish community. A Cohen is such a personality, as is a Levi. A woman is such a personality, as is a slave or a king. Other "characters" populate the Jewish landscape. The mamzer and the Cohen Gadol, the Katan and the gadol, the cheresh and the shoteh each has his place in the scheme of things(5). Lacking from this list is the homosexual. So much is he missing from the cast of characters of Jewish society that one is hard put to find a halachic term used specifically for him(6).
If one were, in fact, to apply a halachic category to this individual, it would be the general category of mumar l'teiavon (one whose desires put him in opposition to Torah law), specifically mumar l'mishkav zachor (one who because of his repeated involvement in homosexual activity is in opposition to Torah law). Such a category exists in halachic literature(7), is clearly defined, and places the homosexual on a equal footing with other mumarim who violate other laws.
It seems clear from this that halacha never viewed the homosexual as a member of a unique category or as different from the non-homosexual. He has no greater or lesser rights or obligations. He deserves no special treatment or concessions nor any special vilification. In fact, the term "homosexual" is an essentially inappropriate description for him. We should, rather, refer to this individual as a person engaged in homosexual activity. "Homosexual" is therefore not a noun that identifies and categorizes the individual but an adjective that describes his activity.
This approach has great intuitive appeal. It is hard to imagine Jewish thought accepting the premise the sexual desires and activities provide grounds by which to define an individual's place in the community. In addition, there are vast and important ramifications that emerge from this picture of the individual as a person involved in homosexual activity and not as a homosexual.
The first effect of this changed conceptualization is to alter and improve the individual's perception of himself. If one is labeled and defined by the term "homosexual", he is consequently different than the heterosexual. As such, he will struggle for minority status and for his rights as a member of that minority. He is, and should be, portrayed as a unique character type in movies, theater, and on television, and he should command an appropriate number of participants in any institution that constitutes itself along racial, ethnic, and religious lines. He agitates for gay pride and gay power, and if he is Jewish, he creates gay synagogues and other gay institutions.
On the other hand, If "homosexual" is a term that is limited to the description of an activity, then the individual practicing this activity remains an undifferentiated member of society, and if Jewish he is part of Jewish society. He need not feel excluded from the community. In the same way that the adulterer, the practitioner of pre-marital sex, the mechallel Shabbat(8) or the speaker of lashon harah all enter the synagogue and feel at home while individually dealing with whatever guilt they carry as a result of their sinful activities, so, too, the individual involved in homosexual activity can and should enter the synagogue and feel himself to be part of the community. He is still a human being and a Jew. He is most assuredly not part of a separate homosexual society or sub-society. (See below for a discussion of the Gentile homosexual.) Obviously, the adulterer, mechallel Shabbat, et al are duty-bound to change their ways - to do teshuva - and the mumar l'mishkav zachor has the same obligation(9).
The second implication of this approach concerns the community's dealings with the individual involved in homosexual activity. If the practitioner of homosexuality is considered a full fledged Jew (albeit a mummar), the community should welcome him as such. This is particularly true in our post-holocaust era, wherein our heightened awareness of the value of each Jewish soul has motivated many communities to make kiruv rechokim (attempts to bring non-observant Jews into the fold of Torah-observance) a hallmark of their activities. This Kiruv work should not and cannot be limited only to violators of halacha in ritual matters. Deviance from halachic norms in sexual matters is as much an area for concern, outreach, and proper education as anything else. Particularly in an area that is as difficult to control as sexual desire(10), the support of the community for one who might want to bring his lifestyle in line with halacha may be crucial to success.
At this point something should be said about the term "toeivah(11)" as used by the Torah in connection with homosexuality. Some may feel that its appearance in this context precludes treating the practitioner of homosexuality in the same way that one would treat an individual who is guilty of a different sin. The problem with this suggestion is that to be consistent we would require similarly negative treatment of the persons who eats non-Kosher food(12) the idolator(13), the unethical business man(14) and the individual who remarries a woman who, since her divorce from him, has entered and left (by death or divorce) another marriage to another man(15). All of these individuals are guilty of committing a toeivah, according to the respective verses that prohibit the particular activity. If we are going to ostracize the individual who commits homosexual acts, then we must ostracize these individuals as well. Since we do not take this approach in the other cases, we should not do so in dealing with the individual involved in homosexual activity.
How then to understand the toeivah designation? In an article in the Encyclopedia Judaica Yearbook, Dr Norman Lamm(16) defines toeivah in aesthetic terms. These actions are repulsive in and of themselves; no rationale or explanation is necessary. Rather, the divine aspect within the human being is automatically and instinctively repelled by these activities. The fact that any number of individuals are possessed of a deadened spiritual sensitivity that allows them to accept or even participate in the acts in question, does not mean that the spiritually sensitive individual allows his revulsion to be diminished nor does he apologize for that revulsion.
Further, it is important to note that the wording of the act in question indicates that this revulsion is directed only at the act and not at its perpetrator. The perpetrator is not to be ostracized. One who commits a toeivah is halachically and societally no different than one who commits a transgression of a non-toeivah law of equal severity.
Although it may be true that a leopard cannot change its sports, Judaism holds that a human being can change or control his activities(17). While we certainly recognize that many individuals have personality factors that would tend to promote certain sinful activities, our expectation is that these individuals will control these tendencies. We no more would accept the act of murder as legitimate because the perpetrator is prone to violence, then we should accept the act of homosexuality as inevitable because of the existence of biological, genetic, or environmental factors that may contribute to an individual's preference for homosexual acts. A rational individual can control himself, and no amount of apologetics, explanations, or rationalizations can change this fundamental fact. Simply put, the individual engaged in homosexual activity is wrong in what he is doing and is held responsible for having done it.
It is on this issue that the approach presented here parts company most completely with Dr.Lamm's view. Whereas Dr. Lamm(18) sees the homosexual as an anuss (an individual forced into heredity and/or environment into activity that the Bible forbids) this author sees him as mumar. Whereas Dr. Lamm effectively removes culpability from him (anuss rachma patrie(19)), this author insists that creating a sense of culpability is an integral part of the approach that Judaism should take in confronting the individual involved in homosexual activity. This sense of culpability may be just the push necessary for the individual to begin the teshuva process.
The view presented here seems more in keeping with biblical(20), talmudic(21) and other halachic sources(22). The consistent position taken by these sources is that the homosexual is ultimately subject to punishment for his actions. The halachic system fully expects that an individual properly warned, witnessed, and brought to trial for this act be killed. There is no indication anywhere in the literature that such individuals have a prima facie defense as anussim.
Dr. Lamm(23) supports his approach by arguing that present public policy and social reality preclude punishment of all offenders. We must, therefore, maintain our condemnation of the act while refraining from dealing punitively with the offender. In his view, this can best be done by treating the offender as an anuss.
However, there is nothing in his argument that prevents our labeling the individual as a mumar. We do not punish Sabbath violators, or those who eat treif. Environment/heredity is not enough to label the individual involved in homosexual activity an anuss. Rather label him a mumar, indicating that he is responsible for his actions.
Further, a stance such as Dr. Lamm's seems to carry with it the possibility of pushing the individual presently questioning his own sexual orientation over the wrong edge.
After all, if biology/upbringing is the cause, and the participant is only the victim of irresistible forces, he has a handy excuse and less of a reason not to succumb to his desires.
Labeling one a mumar does not necessarily mean that the community should respond with public condemnation and rejection or the individual. In an era which lacks a Sanhedrin and adequate Jewish communal structures we have long tolerated, worked with, and even welcomed and accepted violators of many halachot within our community. It is necessary, therefore, to couple our tolerance of the individual with disapproval of the activity. This must then be combined with an expectation and hope that the individual will change his behavior. Calling him a mumar, if handled correctly, strengthens the chances for change.
The subject of change brings us to our next point. Jewish thought would argue that homosexually oriented individuals can change their sexual orientation and can ultimately develop an interest in and derive pleasure from heterosexual activity. This conclusion is an obvious consequence of our discussion thus far. If a homosexual act is punishable, and if we expect he individual who has homosexual desires to avoid giving in to them, what then is the life situation of such and individual? There seem to be two possibilities. One: such and individual cannot change his feelings. If this is the case he is a prisoner trapped in a body which, while commanded to marry an procreate, has an emotional structures that finds such a concept at best unfulfilling and at worst a living purgatory. Two: change - and a normal, happy, fulfilled life marriage and heterosexual union are possible.
We are told by the Talmud(24) that G-d does not play tricks on His creations. Particularly as the area of sexuality is an area of such deeply personal implications to any individual, it is difficult imagine G-d creating a situation wherein those who feel themselves to possess a homosexual orientation cannot change and are consequently locked in a living prison with no exit and no key. Therefore, some method or methods must exist to successfully change the sexual orientation of motivated individuals. It's heartening to note that a recent study (25),indicates a 70% success rate among such individuals. It is unfortunate that the mass media and most mental health professionals publicly portray the goal "acceptance of one's orientation" as the optimum, while downplaying or denying the possibility of change. Our task must be to publicize the possibility of change, and the relevant statistics that now become statistics of hope. We also should encourage the mental health community to develop new and even more effective methods to alter the sexual orientation of those striving to live Torah-true lifestyle.
Perhaps one further support for the idea that homosexual orientation is at least preventable, if not totally changeable, is the anomalous fact that one community in which the percentage of homosexual preference is significantly lower than in the general population is the Orthodox Jewish community(26).
It is almost as if halacha rejects the notion of an individual called a homosexual, rejects the necessity of the homosexual act for any individual, rejects the idea of an irrevocable homosexual orientation, and then creates a society in which these ideals can, apparently quite successfully, be lived.
Judaism rejects the suggestions that homosexuality is either a form of mental illness or an "acceptable alternate lifestyle." Judaism's positions would be a third and as yet unconsidered option. Homosexuality is an activity entered into volitionally by individuals, who may be psychologically healthy, which is maladaptive and inappropriate. Depending on one's theory, it may indicate arrested development, poor family structure, early trauma, frustration of the purpose of creation, disruption of the basic family structure, unnatural behavior, etc.
But whatever the case it constitutes activity that will diminish an individual's capacity to fulfill, in his own life, G-d's expressed plan for creation. As such, this individual cannot achieve his full potential as a human being(27). Therefore, our task is to treat and redirect this individual to more appropriate and fulfilling activity.
Gentile Homosexuals
One question not addressed directly in the previous section is, "Why does Judaism not recognize the existence of a homosexual sub-group within the Jewish community?"
Of course, one might answer that as the act of homosexuality is forbidden, Judaism would no more grant official status to those who practice it than it would grant such status to murderers, thieves, or adulterers. This answer may, in fact, be sufficient and perhaps we should simply turn to the next section and the discussion of the rationale for Judaism's negative approach to the entire issue of homosexuality.
However, there may be another more profound and far-reaching answer to this question. The Sifra states(28)
"I did not say this except for those laws inscribed for them [the Gentiles] their fathers' father. What did they [the Gentiles, as opposed to the Jews] do? Men would marry men, and women would marry women".
This seems to indicate a difference between homosexuality when it makes its appearance in the Jewish community. For the Gentile, homosexuality is a reality that is part of his heritage. For a Jew, homosexuality is a foreign incursion.
Additional support for this division along national lines can be adduced from the prohibition against female homosexuality. This prohibition, though not explicitly stated in the Bible, is derived from the same verse, Leviticus 18:2, that elicits the comment of the Sifra quoted above. The verse reads: "After the doings of the land Egypt wherein you lived you shall not do, and after the doings of the land of Canaan where I am bringing you, you shall not do, nor shall you walk in the statutes." This source provides a further indication that homosexuality is viewed as a foreign element in Jewish society. It may well be that this factor contributes to halacha's unwillingness to recognize a homosexual subgroup within Jewish society.
Statistics show significantly reduced levels of homosexual men in Orthodox Jewish circles as compared to all other segments of society. Further indication of this anomaly is provided by the dearth of questions relating to homosexuality and individuals involved in homosexual activity in halachic and responsa literature(29).
One obvious question remains. Does halacha recognize a homosexual individual who cannot change, and therefore a homosexual sub-community in the Gentile world?
The answer to this question seems unclear. On the one hand the Sifra quoted above indicates a belief that at least some Gentile homosexuals develop their sexual orientation because of a traditional cultural heritage. This would tend to support the idea the halacha acknowledges the possibility of a homosexual subgroup in Gentile society.
On the other hand, none of the stories from the Bible, such as the sin of Ham, the men of Sodom, or the Potiphar's true purpose in purchasing Joseph as his slave, portray any of the individuals as totally homosexual. All are either married (in the normal fashion) or are said to father children in the course of their lives. This would seem to indicate that pure homosexuality was considered an aberration even if found in Gentile circles.
Further, halacha prescribes the death penalty for homosexual acts committed between Gentile men(30). Our tendency would therefore be to deny that halacha recognizes a homosexual community among Gentiles. If we, in fact, did recognize such a community would we not be advocating genocide towards it? Such a position is obviously troubling.
Condemnation of Homosexuality - Why?
In discussions of the Jewish view of homosexuality, the question "Why does Judaism condemn a pleasurable, victimless act that tales place between two consenting adults?" often takes center stage. Although explanations are not lacking in the literature a truly consistent approach should also shed some light on why female homosexuality, though forbidden, is far less heinous a crime than male homosexuality(31).
In fact, a number of suggested answers suffer from a failure to adequately explain this last point.
One such approach centers around the primacy of family and children in our system of values. The practice of male homosexuality obviously frustrates the implementation of these values(32). But so does the practice of female homosexuality. Yet the two are not treated with equal severity.
A second approach argues that homosexuality is somehow unnatural. Our bodies are constructed to act in certain ways, and the practice of male homosexuality prevents these ways(33). Once again, female homosexuality seems to be every bit as unnatural as the male variety, yet we do not react to it in the same way.
Often, those who advocate these two approaches resort to the "hashchatat zera" (destruction of seed) argument(34). Since male homosexuality involves hashchatat zera and female homosexuality does not, the prohibition as violated by the man is more stringent.
There are two problems with the treatment of the male participant. Hashchatat xera in other contexts does not entail the death penalty(35).
However, males involved in homosexual activity (as opposed to females) are subject to capital punishment. Hashchatat zera, therefore, does not appear to be a significant enough factor to explain this severe reaction of the part of Torah law.
Second, the biblical prohibition concerns the homosexual act and not hashchatat zera. In Jewish law, homosexual activity, if consummated, is a capital crime even if there is not hotzaat zera, yet male physical contact, even if it results in hotzaata zera, is not punishable in this way unless actual sexual consummation occurs(36). For these reasons, the approaches cited seem unable to serve as complete explanations for the Torah view of this issue.
However, one variation of the "unnatural"theme seems to fare better in dealing with our question. This position takes its definition of natural, not from physiology and nature as studied in the laboratory, but from nature as defined in the Torah. The Torah says:
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife and they shall be as one flesh(37)".
The Torah has, in the verse, defined "natural" as man and women united in heterosexual union. Any person engaged in homosexual activity acts against G-d's natural order of things, and is therefore culpable. However, women involved in homosexuality are less in violation of the "natural" then men as it says: "He shall cleave…..and they shall be as one flesh", can be accomplished by males in homosexual union but not by females. This explanation seems to deal neatly with the various facets of the problem(38).
One other approach to the question of why Judaism has such antipathy to homosexuality deserves mention(39). This approach expands on the argument "And he shall cleave and they shall be as one flesh...", reintroduces the centality of the family in Judaism to the discussion of homosexuality, and treats the halachic differences between male and female homosexuality in a rather interesting way. This explanation argues that homosexuality, when it did occur at all in the Jewish community, usually occurred in a bisexual context and not as an exclusively homosexual orientation on the part of the individual. Individuals raised in the Jewish community usually possessed a strong sense of family as part of their tradition and heritage. This, coupled with the desire to find personal continuity into the next generation and with communal pressure to marry, would naturally lead almost everyone to establish a marriage relationship. Unfortunately, some individuals might seek additional companionship elsewhere. This outside companionship could possibly be homosexual in nature. Such an outside relationship might then be devastating to the special intimacy between husband and wife and to the family, the fundamental building block and most important religious institution in Jewish society
Many rabbinic discussions allude to homosexuality in a strongly negative tone(40). The Talmud(41) discusses the meaning of the term "toeivah" as used the context of homosexuality. Says Bar Kapparah, "toeivah" means "to'eh ata ba", "your have strayed from her." This phrase is explained by Tosafot as meaning:
"That they leave their wives to follow homosexuality."
This statement seems to embody the essence of the proposed explanation.
Whether because of different emotional needs on the part of women, their status in society, or because of the physiological impossibility of "He shall cleave ...and they shall be as one flesh", on the part of women, male homosexuality is considered a far more serious danger in this context and is, therefore, treated with greater severity.
Our discussion to this point leads to the following conclusions:
Homosexuality is an activity, not a state of being. Put another way, "homosexual" is an adjective, not a noun.
Homosexual activity is wrong.
Homosexuality may be a foreign incursion into Judaism.
The perpetrator of homosexual activity is held responsible for the activity.
We expect individuals involved in such activity to make every attempt to stop the activity and to alter their sexual orientation.
No greater halachic stigma attaches to the practitioner of homosexuality than the Sabbath violator or the violator of many other divine commandments.
In light of these conclusions the traditional Jewish community should agree on the following goals:
The primary goal should be to create an environment that is most conducive to motivating the practitioner of homosexuality to want to change his orientation.
In the absence of this motivation or during a period when initial attempts to change are unsuccessful, our task is to keep this individual within the Torah community. We must create a situation which offers a positive alternative to the "gay synagogue" and to the even worse choice of complete abandonment and assimilation.
It would seem that these goals can best be realized by implementing the following agenda:
All unnecessary negative stigma must be removed from the individual involved in homosexual activity. Such an individual must be encouraged to see himself as someone with a problem that he is responsible to overcome, and not as a person who has been defined by his sexual orientation.
At the same time that the individual is told of his responsibility to change, he must also be told, with great compassion, that we recognize the difficulty of his task and that we are willing to help in any way possible.
This is similar, in general terms, to the way in which we treat others such as the alcoholic.
Specific programs of outreach to those participating in homosexual activities should be implemented so that those best able to respond to the questions of these individuals will have a chance to work with them. Contemporary Jewish organizations do Kiruv (outreach) work with individuals who violate many commandments. We must do the same with those whose failures are sexual areas. This is particularly true because of the all-pervasive nature of sexual desire and because of the constant encounter with sexual imagery that pervades our society.
Mental health professionals must be encouraged to develop new and better therapeutic techniques to alter sexual orientation. Methods that are even partly successful must be highlighted and publicized to offer hope to those who would want to change.
The issue of homosexuality is an extremely sensitive, difficult, and emotional one. It is a topic that creates a sense of discomfort and even revulsion not only in those who may have been personally involved in such activity, but also in many who have never had any personal contact with it at all. Stereotyping and personal doubts about one's sexuality tend to maintain and reinforce these reactions and the AIDS scare has given them new impetus. Our response as Torah-true Jews must be to reject these prejudical and counter-productive reactions. On the other hand, we cannot equivocate in our opposition to homosexual activity. This is particularly true in light of the media's continuing portrayal of homosexuals as positive role models and the increasing acceptance of the homosexual as a minority group with "legitimate" civil rights.
The program described above entails walking a difficult tightrope between condemnation of an act and acceptance of the perpetrator as a Jew worth saving. We cannot close our eyes and pretend that a problem of this magnitude will go away. It is our task to present a legitimate Jewish response, balancing our opposition to homosexual activity with our concern for the human beings involved.
(Quelle: http://www.jonahweb.org/sections.php?secId=88)
Homosexuality
JONAH (jewish): http://jonahweb.org - JONAH is a non-profit international organization dedicated to educating the world-wide Jewish community about the prevention, intervention, and healing of the underlying issues causing same-sex attractions. If you are confused by same-sex attractions or know someone who is and desire help, please contact us for resources and professional confidential assistance.
For information about Judaism and homosexuality, click here.
Reading is always a great start -- I've stayed up a couple of nights reading everything I could find on the JONAH ( www.jonahweb.org ) and NARTH ( www.narth.com ) web sites. Exchanging ideas and experiences with list members has also been immensely valuable. Just knowing that I am not alone and that there are others facing the same issues is comforting. I've come a long way during my 10 months with JONAH, in terms of having a crisp, lucid and deep understanding of my condition -- What a difference compared to the vague hunches, shame, confusion and isolation I was living with for so many years. Based on my experience, I strongly encourage others to overcome whatever shyness and shame we may have had about the subject and to discuss specific issues on the JONAH List Serve. By doing so, we learn more about ourselves and find others who respond as brothers by both accepting me and understanding my value as a person. What a rewarding and healing experience!
While there are many other things we can do to continue our growth into full masculine maturity, it is my belief that reading and gaining support from others is an important tangible start.
A JONAH MAN TALKS ABOUT HIS BISEXUALITY
This essay is prompted by questions posed to me on the JONAH E-Mail List Serve. In an earlier post, I stated that even though I've always identified myself as a heterosexual man, my sexual arousal pattern was very strongly oriented toward the same sex since puberty, that is, age 12 or so. The questions posed: How is this contradiction possible? Why doesn't this fact simply confirm the gay pride propaganda about “internalized homophobia?” Therefore, they would argue I should give into these same- sex attractions of mine and identify as gay?
I always suspected that my homoerotic desires were simply manifestations of some other need. After all, my same-sex attraction (SSA) would really flare up when I felt alone or rejected; on the other hand, it all but disappeared when I was hanging out with good
friends and feeling accepted. I recognized a sobering fact: this sexual attraction to other boys was totally unlike my attraction to women, which is independent of my social situation or mood. My attraction to women was constant regardless of my mental state or emotional feeling. I remember even telling myself, at a fairly young age (15? 16?) -- "You don't really desire these guys sexually, you want them to like you, you want them to think you're cool, you want to be part of their group."
Rather than pursuing this early-on (and correct!) insight, I embarked on a self-contradictory process of suppression and denial. I refused to deal with my issues by simply denying them. Sometimes I would grind my teeth and mutter to myself, "No! You are NOT attracted to that man!" -- which was, of course, a lie. At other times, I would accept that I had unwanted attractions, but would tell myself that as long as I didn't act on them, it's as if they didn't exist; indeed, plenty of willpower and a fear of the consequences kept me from acting out for some 15 years. I accepted the SSA as a permanent fixture, as something I'm stuck with and can't do anything about.
Since I refused to admit that I had a problem, I wasn't looking for a real solution -- certainly not one attacking the root causes of the SSA. The homoerotic fantasies and urges got stronger and stronger until the dam broke. I began to act out homosexually last year.
About the same time that the acting out began, I was fortunate enough to discover JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality. They provided me with the necessary tools to formalize and crystallize the insight I had early on but lost along the way while in my process of denial. I also discovered that the best psychiatrist is the one who tells you something you intuitively already knew about yourself. JONAH helped me analyze what I really wanted out of life.
In truth, I was repelled by the dominant gay culture, the stereotypical mannerisms learned by gay men, and the whole idea of being sexually tender with another man. The gay world was diametrically opposed to my personal goals of having a traditional family, wife and children. Moreover, I always had Opposite Sex Attractions (OSA), an attraction totally different >from my SSA attractions. I never had a problem being attracted to women, or having meaningful, emotional relationships with them, including satisfying sexual relationships.
My identity was always strongly heterosexual. Perhaps my identity actually became hyper-masculine to compensate for the SSA (the martial arts, the physical and social "aggressiveness", etc.). So what then are the differences between my feelings of OSA and SSA?
I see attractive women all the time (I am attracted to several types, which more or less conform to most other men's judgment of female beauty). Of course, the attraction is never based on appearance alone -- there must be an emotional and intellectual connection as well. But my fantasies regarding women are always part of a complete story. I see us holding hands, talking, cuddling on a couch, making passionate
love while looking into each other's eyes, that kind of stuff. The women to whom I am attracted are ones with whom I can visualize myself raising a family and being my best friend. When I experience intercourse with a loving woman who fits the model above, it has a wholesome, manhood-affirming, empowering effect. It makes me proud to be a man, proud to be able to please my woman.
Contrariwise, the SSA had a totally different feel to it. I'd see a man, and feel a certain pang of hunger. I wouldn't want to talk to him, nor get to know him, or even to be his friend. I would picture us in various very specific, very graphic sexual scenarios. And, as soon as the fantasy would be over, I'd want him gone -- out of sight and out of mind. These scenarios describing my SSA and OSA are total opposites.
I realize that I tend to be attracted to younger, boyish or innocent-looking, slim athletic men. For a long time I thought it was simple aesthetics, but in light of what I've learned about myself through the JONAH programs and intensive reading, it's not that
simple. What I subconsciously looked for in SSA encounters, strangely enough, are friendships reminiscent of the friendships I desperately sought as a younger boy. It's a very strange realization because I have no shortage of very good friends now, and by no means do I presently feel lonely or isolated. But SSA doesn't work on rationality, it feeds on scars formed long ago during one's formative years. As a child, I lacked deep meaningful friendships and healthy male affection due to a fear that I did not measure
up. The men I'm attracted to now in some ways remind me of the friends I would have wanted years ago. In effect, I am trying to repair earlier same-sex peer wounds by a totally inappropriate means. After all, none of the homosexual encounters felt wholesome or manhood-affirming. Rather, like taking a drug, it had medicated my pain, albeit temporarily. What I experienced was an intense euphoric "high" followed by guilt, shame, depression, and a compulsive urge to seek more. (On the other hand, it should be pointed out that real life situations that provide negative responses often have an opposite effect as well: In my case, the isolation >from my peers during adolescence created a self-reliance that to this day is one of my strongest character traits.)
Heterosexual relationships and sex are a hefty effort -- going out, talking, the slow progress of intimacy, the foreplay, worrying about the possibility of premature pregnancy, etc. The homosexual encounters, on the other hand, took the essence of sexual gratification and packaged it in a cheap, easily accessible container. You can get right to the point without wasting any emotional effort -- most of my encounters lasted only an hour or so (without knowing anything about the other person involved). It's the
ultimate instant gratification, and I found it extremely addictive.
Since I have always had both SSA and OSA, in a very real sense I made a choice regarding my orientation. There were many reasons for rejecting the gay (or bi) lifestyle: religious, ethical, and pragmatic. Ultimately, I always believed that only a wife and children can bring true happiness to a man; any man who claims to be happy otherwise is, I believe, simply coping (perhaps effectively) with a pathology.
When I traced my SSA history as a product of years of legitimate unmet needs, it all started to make sense. Of course those encounters would be so euphoric: they were tapping into those needs -- bottled up, pressurized (and deformed under pressure), explosive. Of course once exposed that emotional scar tissue would be particularly sensitive and raw. It's all so simple in my mind now, but for many months I was
greatly distressed and confused. If the SSA experiences were so much more intense than the OSA ones, then what is my "real" orientation? The messages I heard on TV and read in the newspapers tried to convince me to think I should identify as "gay." But my inner self said "au contrair".
In this battle, I formerly viewed my effort to be straight as one of a painful sacrifice, one of "toughing it out" requiring me to give up the physically addictive high intensity for the greater ideal of having a normal family. Now I see how that thinking was all misguided. Those men could not possibly give me what I need -- there is no "sacrifice" to grieve over. If I fulfill my need for healthy authentic male connection in intimate non-sexual ways, I can be and in fact am at peace with my inner self and my physical drives. I can
finally enjoy my OSA feelings without my former SSA feelings impinging upon them.
This essay cannot be complete without a comment on the disservice done to me by the education system, media, and prevailing culture. Starting from high school and all through college, I was bombarded by gay-affirming messages and offered countless resources in the form of counselors and straight-gay-transgender alliances. Not a single mention was ever made of how to deal with unwanted same-sex attractions. The popular culture also sent out a very clear message that a person is defined by his urges ("obey your thirst"); this conveniently makes any internal struggle pointless at best and harmful at worst. If a man chooses to give into his same-sex attractions and lead a homosexual lifestyle, that is certainly his legitimate choice. If only the gay activists would afford me the same recognition of legitimacy!
My desire to free myself of my same-sex attractions is being attacked by the gay activists as an illegitimate denial of my "true" orientation and a capitulation to society's homophobia. The fact that even the few friends I've told about my SSA take more or less this stance is a testament to the massive victory of gay activism. When I think of the
pain (and dangers) I could have been spared, had I had the opportunity to speak with groups like JONAH in my adolescence, I am filled with anger. All those years of pain, confusion (even fleeting thoughts of suicide) -- all inflicted on me, not because there isn't an alternative voice to the gay propaganda, but because this alternative is being viciously stifled, censored and de-legitimized. I will do everything in my power to help groups like JONAH disseminate their message, in the hope they will reach the thousands of adolescents like myself who struggle with the shame, confusion and loneliness of unwanted same-sex attractions.
Ari
Link:
Judentum: Homo-Lobby auf dem Vormarsch
Links:
Conservative Jews Expected to Permit Homosexual Rabbis
| Mission Statement |
| Our Stories & Letters |
| Online Library |
| Support Groups |
| Book Orders |
| ___________________________ |
| Lesbianism |
| Rabbinical Commentary |
| ___________________________ |
| JONAH Espanol |
| JONAH Hebrew |
| ___________________________ |
| FAQ |
| Web Links |
| Contact Us |
| Membership&Donations |
see also articles on www.narth.com: Help for Jewish Homosexuals That is Consistent with Torah Principles
Unsung Heroes: Jewish Men Struggling With Same-Sex Attraction
A Jewish Alternative to Gay-Affirmative Psychotherapy: The Psycho-Educational Model of JONAH
FRIENDS OF JONAH
Our adventure started when we arrived in Orlando on June 28th and checked into our hotel. We met with the founder of the Ex-Gay Teachers Caucus, Ms. Jeralee Smith and her group comprised of many ex-gays and many dedicated people like ourselves. She is an amazing woman, committed and convicted that this battle is worthwhile, as we all are. I learned a lot from her and look forward to a long lasting, mutually rewarding relationship with her and her group.
The convention started with us setting up on Thursday (6/29) afternoon. Afterwards we all met to discuss strategy and prepare for any hostile interactions. It was an edifying and wonderful experience that closed in prayer. Everyone gave a synopsis of their life and situation and we all bonded with one mind. Great stuff!!
Friday we were ready for battle! While many people came up to us asking “what is ex-gay, how can that be”, they were not really hostile. Many listened, accepted our literature and said they would think about what we had to say. Many agreed with us but felt there was nothing they could do about it, we quickly counteracted that with information and resources. Of course, there were those that told us that “ex-gay” is impossible, that they don’t believe it, and some asked us why we were even there. Our answer was that they were right, this issue shouldn’t be intertwined in the educational process, however, it is and if one side is presented, then certainly we had the right to present the other side of the issue. Fair and balanced was our mantra, and it seemed to diffuse those that were opposed to us. We left Friday night to go out to dinner with the group feeling like we had accomplished good things.
Saturday, things and attitudes did change somewhat. We found out that Wayne Besen was on site, that he had given a press conference saying that we had no right to be at the convention. We were thankful when one of the reporters at the press conference came over to interview Jeralee and at least hear our side of the story. Of course when the article came out in the Orlando Sentinal, it was one sided and definitely did not print what Jeralee said at all (I have a copy if you want it). That was a whole other issue that we now had to contend with.
We felt that a few of the people that stopped by were sent by Wayne as they were difficult and extremely unreceptive. Of course that was our feeling, we really did not know for sure. In the afternoon, when Jeralee went to a budget meeting and Greg Quinlan and David left the booth, Wayne showed up, stood in the middle of the floor in front of our booth and started attacking us. I immediately called David to come back with Greg and they did. Wayne went at it with Greg, but Greg did not let him score any points at all. Actually, Wayne looked and acted like the aggressor and we decided to call security in to see if we could get him taken away. Security came along with two state troopers and after a little more heated discussion, the state troopers escorted him away from us. Amazingly, after that many people came up to us (the man in the booth across from us and others) to tell us that we did nothing wrong and that he was very aggressive and just plain wrong! Greg was amazing, so was Janet Boynes (one of our ex-gays at the booth). All in all, it was a very precarious situation and we are thankful it turned out all right for us. We continued working, spreading the word and getting feedback that was not negative at all. One girl from the University of Nebraska stopped by and told us that in her Human Behavior class they had a speaker from the gay movement telling the class that people are born that way, accept it, etc. She wondered why we didn’t have speakers at the universities sharing our philosophy. She was right, something to think about. She said she did not agree with them and that it was being “shoved down our throats”. Interesting!
Saturday night we met around the pool, each of us shared why we were there, our most memorable moment of the weekend and exchanged all our demographic information. It was an atmosphere of friendship and trust. Great times!
Sunday was calm, without incident and at 11:00 am the booth closed and we went our separate ways. All in all, in my opinion, it was a positive, rewarding experience and David and I would be more than glad to get more involved and become active in the ex-gay movement.
On a personal note, I would love to share this with all of you. One man stopped by the booth, took some literature, appeared to not want to really talk about anything and left. About 10 minutes later he came back, asked for help and told us that his son was gay and had not come out to him yet but that he didn’t know what to do. It was touching to see David speak to him, share with him and help him. While resolution never came, just the sharing and exploration they shared was touching for all of us. Every one has a purpose, every one can help. While the body is made up of many parts, it is difficult for it to work as intended without all of them. That is what we do; we each have something to offer to a troubled world. Thank G-d.
Our experience is that people are starved for more information, they do not know there is an alternative, and they do not know there are people fighting for them. Somehow, we all have to get together to become more powerful as the opposition has done.
If you need more information from me, please let me know. Once again, thank you so very much for this wonderful opportunity. This battle can be won if we call stay strong and united.
Maxine Andrade
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEA: Ex-Gay Caucus or Should I say Ruckus
By
Cathy Paris
Undercover Eagles had a difficult time gaining access to this year’s NEA Conference in Orlando, Florida. Press passes were denied to qualified members of the press. Why, you ask? The answer is quite simple; these particular reporters were dedicated Eagles and true advocates for the American families who send their children to public schools in every state of our nation. Speaking for myself and for Marguerite Cavanaugh, I can honestly say that we were fortunate to be able to bypass the NEA militia that worked diligently to keep us out of the conference. I will not reveal how we were able to gain access, for obvious reasons, but I will relay a report on what we witnessed first hand.
We entered the OrlandoConvention center, early on June 30, 2006 and were immediately assaulted by the propaganda espoused by the NEA; everywhere we looked we saw an assault on good old fashioned American values. This year’s conference drew an estimated 9,000 – 12,000 delegates and participants. We walked around, our eyes drawn in multiple directions, and wondered what has happened to our education system, who were these God-less educators in charge of our children, and how do we fight back? We noticed that there were hundreds of booths and exhibitors, but only four conservative booths at the NEA conference. We saw two pro-life booths, one creationism booth, and one Ex-Gay booth. I want to discuss the Ex-Gay Teachers Caucus, because there is much to say. Marguerite and I met some wonderful people at this booth. They consisted of ex-gay teachers and/or their spouses. We learned so much from them; not just that being a homosexual is a choice, but that being one in God and walking in His path is a bumpy road, yet full of His love and mercy. I stood there and watched as teacher after teacher came up to this booth and verbally assaulted these people, these ex-gay educators, who quietly responded to these assaults in a dignified manner. Their sole purpose was to inform and spread the word, that yes, Dorothy, you do have alternate choices. You can choose to lead a celibate, or a heterosexual lifestyle. I have a tremendous respect and admiration for these individuals who stayed there, day after day, and peacefully spread their message to anyone who was willing to listen.
We had the pleasure of meeting Gregory Quinlan, President and CEO of the Pro-Family Network, located in Dayton, Ohio. Greg, an ex-gay teacher, married to an ex-lesbian talked to passersby about the realization he had come too, that the lifestyle he was leading was a choice he had made; he testified that he had a choice and once he realized that, he chose to live as a heterosexual. A common mission amongst the members of the ex-gay teachers’ caucus was to educate children that they do have a choice; they can choose to be heterosexual. Greg’s website is www.profamilynetwork.org. Janet was another member we spent time with. She is an ex-lesbian who has started her own ministry called Janet Boynes Ministries. Her website is www.JanetBoynesMinistries.com. She travels around the country, spreading the word and sharing her story. She is an intelligent and articulate woman who has dedicated her life to God, who joyfully spreads the good news, that you too, can be called out of the darkness and into the light. I personally witnessed Janet keeping her composure in the face of a hostile and aggressive attack on her and the other members of the Ex-Gay Teachers’ Caucus.
An agitator, Wayne Besen showed up at the ex-gay booth. He is gay man, whose sole mission is to spread the homosexual agenda, not just to adults, but also to our children. When I visited his website, I was appalled to discover that he had placed a call out for help, asking for donations and for gay men and women to show up at the conference to protest the appearance of the Ex-Gay teachers’ caucus. He claimed he needed their help, in order to protect “their children” from the propaganda being spread by these individuals. I am fully aware that homosexuals are able to adopt children in most states in our country, but I was not aware that our children had become their children. We cannot allow this to continue. We must take a strong and united stand; we have to keep the homosexual agenda out of our school system and away from our children. It cannot and should not be taught that homosexuality is a normal and acceptable lifestyle. We now know that there are choices for those who are willing to make a conscious choice, thanks to people like Greg and Janet. When Wayne showed up at the booth, he came with one purpose in mind and that was to cause trouble. He repeatedly tried to engage Greg in a physical altercation, poking his finger centimeters from Greg’s face while calling him insulting names. Wayne hurled expletives at Greg and the others; trying to tempt them into a confrontation and a fight. I am proud to say that our new friends managed to maintain their composure under difficult and trying circumstances. I watched as they looked out for each other, careful not to let anyone lose their temper. Eventually, security arrived, quickly followed by deputies from the Sheriff’s department. After an initial investigation, the deputies removed anti Ex-gay activist, Wayne from the convention floor and arrested him for being disorderly.
The Ex-gay Teachers Caucus Booth ended with success, they were pleased that aside >from the usual angry passersby, so many more were given hope for themselves, a friend, a family member, or students in the classroom. There should never be a time when a teacher should talk about students sexuality, however since the NEA makes sure that sex education is here to stay, at least, maybe the curriculum will include choices.
For further information, please visit the Ex-Gay Teachers website: www.nea-exgay.org
www.rabbis.org
JONAH's Mission Statement
JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, is a non-profit international organization dedicated to educating the world-wide Jewish community about the prevention, intervention, and healing of the underlying issues causing same-sex attractions.
Our Rabbinical sages explain that because mankind has been endowed by our Creator with a free will, everyone has the capacity to change. Furthermore, the Rabbis emphasize that parents, teachers and counselors have a special responsibility to educate, nurture, and provide an opportunity for those struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions to journey out of homosexuality.
Through psychological and spiritual counseling, peer support, and self-empowerment, JONAH seeks to reunify families, to heal the wounds surrounding homosexuality, and to provide hope.
www.jonahweb.org
Support Group for Wives of Men in Healing
Session Dates: March 16, March 23, April 13th and April 20th
Time & Format: Time to be determined upon the group's composition and will be decided in coordination with Mary Jane and the group. They will be 90 minute sessions via conference call
Leader: Mrs. Mary Jane Morgan
Description of Support Group: The trained facilitator who is familiar with the issues confronting SSA wives will help the wives:
Learn about husband's transformation,
create peace in the home,
grapple with family and marital issues in the context of their husband's journey.
Number of Participants and Cost: The group will be capped at 8 Participants. If the Monday night group gets oversubscribed, we will also schedule a 4 session group on Tuesday's during the day time. The cost for the initial four sessions is $140.00 USD.
How To Enroll: To register, please respond to JONAH at jonahoffice@gmail.com with a cc: to maryjanem4@comcast.net. We ask that the cost of $140.00 be paid prior to the first meeting. You can easily make payment directly on the JONAH website at www.jonahweb.org through the donation function.
*Upon receipt of the fee, sign-on information for the conference call will be sent to you.*
Please note: The facilitator understands first-hand the issues facing a woman whose husband is in the process of healing and changing from past thoughts and/or behaviors. If you or someone you know is interested in participating, please act quickly as there are only 8 spaces available. Please be prepared to commit to the above four Monday evenings. As we respect your anonymity, please understand that you do not have to use your full name or your actual name during these phone sessions.
Thoughts...
One JONAH Struggler’s Thoughts on the Gay Pride Events in Jerusalem
by Akiva
The planned 2006 Gay Pride march in Jerusalem – whether it takes place or not - is, no doubt, triggering a number of reactions in the Jewish world. But while most discussions revolve around national and religious issues, some of us are affected on a far more personal level. For those of us who are dealing with homosexual desires, this march represents a major crossroad in our lives.
On one hand, we can continue with unanswered questions, double lives, and feelings of emptiness as we feel left behind while everyone else seems to be finding their life-partners and settling down. Or, alternatively, we can ‘come out’ and join the parade. We can embrace - and hopefully be embraced by – the Gay Community.
To some, the choice may seem obvious. The march seems to offer so much: Glitz, glamour, freedom, liberalism, an accepting community, etc. But, remember all that glitters is not gold. I am not certain that it can fulfill all its promises.
So, don’t make any hasty decisions – just because the ‘circus has come to town’. Don’t get caught up in the event or make bold ‘coming out’ announcements. Waving rainbow flags on national TV with thousands of others will definitely provide a sense of camaraderie, but what happens after the parade, when everyone goes home?
Those of us who have this struggle owe it to ourselves to investigate all options before making decisions that could affect our entire lives, and contrary to what the Gay Movement would have us believe, other options are available. Unfortunately, many of these options have been belittled and stigmatized. The Gay Movement is very quick to cite ineffective or inhumane treatments of the past, such as exposing homosexual men to gay pornography and then giving them electrical shocks, or advising them to snap themselves with an elastic band every time they had a homosexual thought. Even if these techniques were once considered a cure for homosexuality, they are no longer.
Today therapists have a far deeper insight into the root causes of homosexuality, and it is at this deeper level that they focus. When I started reading about their theories and insights, and the life stories of people they were helping, I was amazed. It was as though they had summarized my life into a book. I realized there must be a classic pattern to the causes of same-sex attractions (SSA), and it seemed they understood these well. You may be surprised at how closely their ideas resonate with you and your experiences.
A good place to start this search is to take a look at www.jonahweb.org , www.peoplecanchange.com , www.narth.com and www.comingoutstraight.com .
In particular, look for articles by Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, Richard Cohen and Alan Medinger.
But before you do that, here are a few things that I wish I had been told when I first started my search:
First, you will often see the term “Reparative Therapy”. This is quite an unfortunate term, as it seems to imply that these therapists feel we are broken and need to be fixed. Don’t be put off by this. Once I understood the reasoning and explanation for the term’s use, a light went on. The term refers to a therapeutic approach that is based on something called a “
Reparative Drive”: Part of developing our masculinity is building healthy bonds with other men – particularly our fathers and same-sex peers – but for some of us, for whatever reason, this did not happen early on in childhood. So in an attempt to repair these unmet needs for attention, affection and approval from other men, we develop same-sex attractions. Reparative Therapy focuses on pinpointing the initial factors that prevented these bonds from developing naturally, dealing with these factors, then helping us develop these bonds and bringing out other important qualities that have gone underdeveloped.
This brings me to my second point. From my personal experience, very little of the therapy is actually focused on the same-sex attractions. Rather it focuses on a number of underlying issues that, when dealt with, would improve our ability to live healthy and productive lives. These include: building better bonds with men; developing healthier relationships with our parents; feeling better about ourselves, our bodies, and our insecurities; building confidence and assertiveness; taking healthy risks; participating in physical activities, going to the gym and developing our bodies; learning how to deal with stress, anger and rejection; identifying stress triggers that arouse same-sex attractions or lead us to act out; dealing with our unhealthy pornography and sex addictions. Wouldn’t anyone benefit from growing in these areas, whether they have SSA or not? And, even if the therapy did not resolve all our same-sex attraction issues, in any event, the benefit derived in overall personality growth would, I’m sure, be more than worthwhile.
You’ll notice that I used the words “same-sex attraction” or “SSA”. You’ll see it used pretty often in the literature. Initially, I was quite cynical of this terminology. Why not just say “gay”? That’s what it means, right? But, if SSA and GAY were one and the same, then why not talk about the “Same-Sex Attraction March” or celebrating “Same-Sex Attraction Pride”? The term SSA refers to only one particular aspect of our lives, while using the term “gay” implies a total identity, one that encompasses our whole existence. “Gay” says this is us and defines us. As freeing as it may be to some to come out as gay, it felt even more freeing to me when I realized that I did not have to base my entire life’s journey on these attractions nor to totally define myself by such an identity.
The final important point I think you should know before investigating these options is that there are few clear, definitive answers upon which everyone agrees. One study says one thing, another says the opposite, and there’s considerable mud-slinging between the proponents of the two. Sometimes, you’ll hear about someone who no longer experiences SSA and is now married or involved in a fulfilling heterosexual relationship, while at other times, you’ll hear that the best one can hope for is leading a fulfilling celibate life.
Even if there are people out there with definitive answers, it takes considerable time and effort to start trusting the process and to find a therapist and therapeutic route that would work best for you and your individual challenges. It’s a process with ups and downs. Often the end point may not be clear and indeed the end point may differ for different people. Some will be able to substantially reduce their SSA and develop opposite-sex attractions (OSA), while for others this won’t be possible. The important point here is to not expect to find someone who can sprinkle a little ‘anti-faerie dust’ on you, and make all your problems go away. That is simply unrealistic.
Once you’ve done some research, you’ll know what’s possible and what’s involved, and you will be able to make a far more informed decision. You can then decide how you would like to deal with this, and whether this is something that you want to deal with. Although it doesn’t necessarily have to, once we set out on a process of change, it tends to occupy much of our thoughts and energy. If you’re working on growth in other areas of life and seeing progress, then this progress may be good enough for the moment. If, on the other hand, life is getting you down and out of desperation you feel about ready to take up that rainbow flag as an apparent answer, then it may be time to start investigating these other options.
Also, if you’re in Israel – even if you originally came to support the 2006 Gay Pride events – you should be aware of and take advantage of the resources available here. Many come to Israel to “find themselves”. Israel is geared towards people who are soul searching and are on their own personal growth paths. There are rabbis and therapists who specialize in this area. There are support groups for people who are struggling with the same issues. Contact the people who run the JONAH website (info@jonahweb.org) and they can put you in touch with local therapists who specialize in this issue in Israel and many other parts of the world.area.
There is certainly a huge difference between coming out to the world as being gay or sharing one’s struggle with a few trusted people who may be able to listen, advise and guide us and with whom we can build deep long lasting healthy relationships. Sharing this struggle with others is scary and risky, but I have found the rewards to be ten-fold. At the end of the day, the decision is yours. Everyone you speak to will have their own opinions, issues, prejudices, and motives. You need to make sure that the choices you make are right for you, remembering that they will affect your life not only today, but tomorrow as well. Don’t make your decisions out of frustration or impulsivity, but rather make them rationally and knowledgeably.
I wish you much luck and success on your journey.
You can contact me at akivasa@gmail.com .
(November 2006)
More Articles From www.jonahweb.org
Schechter Rabbinical Seminary in Jerusalem Upholds Existing Admissions Policy Regarding Gay and Lesbian Rabbis
Rabbi Einat Ramon, Dean of the Masorti/Conservative Movement's Schechter Rabbinical Seminary in Jerusalem, announced at its Executive Committee meeting this week, that there will be no change in the admissions policy of the Schechter Rabbinical Seminary in response to a recent decision by the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) of the Rabbinical Assembly in New York that would permit the ordination of practicing gay and lesbian rabbis and pave the way for the sanctification of same-sex commitment ceremonies.
The CJLS, the Conservative Movement's North American halakhic authority, voted to endorse two responsa on this issue in December 2006: 1) The decision that ordination of practicing gay and lesbian rabbis is not permitted by Jewish Law (Rabbi Joel Roth,), and 2) the decision permitting the ordination of practicing gay and lesbian rabbis (Rabbi Elliot Dorff and two colleagues).
Since Masorti/Conservative Judaism is a pluralistic movement, when the CJLS votes to approve two conflicting opinions in this way, each local rabbi is authorized to choose which opinion to follow.
Although the Israel branch of the Conservative Movement has long asserted its independence in matters of Jewish Law, Rabbi Ramon felt that in light of the discussions in North America generated by the split CJLS decision, it was important to clarify the policy of the Schechter Rabbinical Seminary. In doing so, she was acting on the authority vested in her by the school's Executive Committee, chaired by Rabbi Hanan Alexander, Professor and Chair of the Department of Education at the University of Haifa. In upholding the status quo, Ramon is in agreement with Rabbi Roth's opinion, which was also endorsed by Rabbi David Golinkin, President and Professor of Jewish Law at the Schechter Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem.
In a position paper that Rabbi Ramon distributed to the Executive Committee, she called attention to the historic centrality of heterosexual marriage in
Jewish life. “Jewish theology regards the union between a man a woman who are sexually and emotionally different from one another as a complementary covenant of friendship and intimacy, which forms the basis for procreation and childrearing. This is why Jewish law has so fervently opposed sexual relations between members of the same sex”, she explained, “and why the heterosexual family has played such a vital role throughout the ages in the transmission of Jewish values and the survival of the Jewish people”.
"I have great respect for Masorti/Conservative rabbis who have chosen to follow a different opinion," said Rabbi Ramon, "and for the Reform Movement in Judaism which has long admitted candidates to its rabbinical schools who are practicing gays and lesbians or who favor same-sex commitment ceremonies.
However, Jewish Law has traditionally prohibited homosexuality and only sanctifies sexual relations between members of the opposite sex."
The Schechter Rabbinical Seminary was founded twenty-three years ago in Jerusalem to prepare rabbis and spiritual leaders for contemporary Israeli life in a spirit that combines observance of halakhah with modern academic scholarship. "We have always admitted students committed to an observant life-style," continued Ramon, "including Kashrut, Shabbat, and the sanctity of the heterosexual family. Today in particular, when the traditional family is in trouble, it is especially important that we ordain modern rabbis who are devoted to this institution and identify with this worldview."
For further information:
Linda Price, Dir. of Communications, 972-52-6665510
Rabbi Dr. Einat Ramon: 050-5607019
Rabbi Prof. Hanan Alexander: 054-643-2568
Rabbi Prof. David Golinkin: 052-6665580
As "newly" orthodox Jews, when each of us felt ready to get married, we were introduced to other singles by friends or acquaintances. Some singles are blessed with meeting the right one on their first date. Others, such as us, can go out with several people before meeting the right one. During this dating period, there is absolutely NO physical contact. I mean zilcho! If your hands so much as brush against each other, it's like highly awkward!
Anyway, after a few weeks of going out and hopefully enjoying each other's company and weighing up whether this person fits your criteria for suitable marriage partner and potential parent to your children, you tie the knot and then you still don't have ANY physical contact until your wedding night!( Just a side note. This approach to marriage really does make a lot of sense. As you are planning on spending the rest of your life with this person, it's best to make sure that you're not being blinded by passion. Yes, as we'll see, there are the down sides to this approach but this isn't the place to get into a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons of Jewish dating. I will say, however, that after all's said and done I wouldn't have it any other way. Not for me and not for my children. Anyway, on with the story.)
Right away when David and I met, I just really liked him. He was (and is) such a good person. We went out for a few weeks before we got engaged and then had 3 months before the wedding to continue getting to know each other. After we were married, I was concerned that there was some kind of problem. I didn't know exactly what the problem was but what I did know was that when we were "intimate", he didn't seem to be so into it.
This is a devastating experience for a newly wed. At first I let myself be fobbed off with thoughts like: well, he's so new to this. It will take time to adjust. But I saw, over time, that the "adjustment period" seemed to be taking far longer than I had anticipated. According to all theories, he ought to have been over-excited, not less than apathetic! So what was going on?
Now I'll let you into a little secret.....I am not the type to suffer in silence! So, as I kept trying to work out what the problem was, I involved David in my quandary: "Dave, why don't you like to get intimate?" "Dave, why don't you try doing this?" "No, not like that!"…..how about this?".........I just didn't get it! And apparently, neither did he!
Eventually, he couldn't take my constant (and yes, in hindsight incredibly insensitive) hounding. Things obviously weren't going according to plan. I'm not exactly sure what the plan was. I do know that he had been advised to get married and everything would work out for the best! This isn't terrible advice. What does bother me was that the person who gave this advice didn't make a point of saying that it isn't a good idea to get married, under these circumstances, unless the person you want to marry knows the truth and agrees to go along with the situation. The truth? Well, approximately 8 weeks after we were wed, David told me that he's gay.
My response was a cacophony of silent emotions. Inside I was screaming: You -------! How could you do that to me? I could've married someone who was attracted to me, who wanted me, who cared about me. Now I'm stuck with you! You, who's not attracted to me, doesn't want to be with me. You, who didn't have enough respect or care to involve me in the decision-making process. You've used me. Used me as a front to make you look normal. Used me to fulfill your desire to have a family. Aaaaarrrrrghghgh!
While all this noise was going on inside my head, Dave was crying, in fact sobbing and telling me how difficult it's been for him, all these years, having these feelings and wishing he didn't. Wishing he could be normal. Not knowing what to do, who he could turn to. Not being able to tell anyone, not even his best friend. In fact, especially not his best friend! Not even his family knows. I sat and I cried with him, held him, sympathized, all the while feeling inside all those things I said above. But also realizing that the reason he hadn't told me before was because he was so afraid of losing me.
Now before I go on with the story, I'd just like to take a little interlude to discuss the options on both sides, here. My options were pretty straightforward. I didn't say easy! I said straightforward. I either stay and give him my full support or I leave. Simple! Now, let's talk about the options of the man who has SSA (same sex attraction) who wants to marry a regular heterosexual woman:
1) Tell
2) Don't tell.
That also looks pretty simple, on the surface. I'd just like to take a bit of time to examine the implications of these two choices. If he tells her the truth, his prospective wife could decide that this is not for her and make the decision not to marry him. This is very good. If he hadn't told this particular woman and they had gotten married the SSA man would then have to continue to carry the burden of that lie. Eventually that's too much for anyone. Particularly when the wife really knows that something isn't right. You don't just get magically healed because you found someone blind enough to actually marry you!
At some point the truth has to come out. At this point the wife feels cheated and betrayed. The one that would have left before the marriage is probably not able to give him her full support. There would be a major breakdown in the marriage. She would never be able to trust how much he's willing to take her feelings into consideration. From thenceforth every time there are problems (and in all marriages there are problems, even without this humongous hurdle to overcome) she will blame him because she will feel that he should not have married her in the first place, without her being fully involved in that decision. Many women, given these circumstances, would not stay in the marriage. And: listen up: divorce carries a heavy burden of stigma, speculation and questions. I am sure that some women would feel avenged and absolved by letting people know, inadvertently or otherwise, the truth of the matter.
Supposing, by the time he confesses, they already have children, so they both decide to stick it out for the sake of the children. How happy is that? Every time things go sour, there comes that nagging inner voice: I didn't ask for this. You didn't include me in this decision. How could you dump this on me? I could've been happily married to someone else.
Is this a fair and reasonable approach to your marriage partner? No, it definitely isn't! I'm just trying to be real about what happens in a marriage that was entered into without complete honesty from both sides. So please do think very carefully before you make any of these major, life-changing decisions: to get married or not. To tell your wife or not. These things are.............well, not to put too fine a point on it: HUGE!
David has told me that one of the reasons that he chose me to be the lucky woman that would become his wife was because he saw that I was very open-minded. In fact on one of our dates I actually unwittingly made a reference to homosexuals, saying how hard it must be for those who really don't want to be that way. "What does G-d want from them?" I pondered! Dave saw this as a sign that, were he to marry me and get to a point where he decided to make the big revelation, then I would be completely tolerant and understanding. Well, I can sincerely say that he was absolutely 200% R-A-W-N-G, spells RAWNG! My coming to terms with the situation has been a very lengthy, ongoing, uphill battle. Even though I have been determined to give it my best, our relationship has been pretty rocky, to say the least.
Is it possible that you could tell the truth before you get married and not end up wondering what to do with a spare 2 carat diamond ring that seems to have found its way back into your possession? Yes. I really believe that it is possible to get her full support. I'm going to tell you soon about a movement that is growing rapidly that espouses a method of healing for SSA's. It isn't an overnight cure but it does offer the hope of permanent change for a vast majority of participants. And, in the meantime, there are other, more temporary possibilities, which I'll also tell you about.
I also believe that there are certain women for whom sex just isn't that important. On the other hand there are women for whom sex is very important. And I would think that, on the whole people do know how important it is or isn't for them. Give your potential partner enough credit and enough respect to allow them to be involved in the decision-making process. Otherwise they will always feel they have the right to be angry with you about it and you will always regret it. It's far better to build a relationship based on mutual trust and honesty than to always feel like it was based on a massive deceit It really could happen that she is committed enough to you that she is willing to help you through. Then you know that she can't, at some point get angry because she didn't know.
Of course, another major issue is how much you believe in a Higher Force and what that Force wants of us. If you are an observant Jew, like myself, then you know what the rules are. I will say, without a shadow of a doubt that this really has to be one of the most difficult situations. You have certain positive commandments and certain negative commandments and your overall feelings seem to make the whole thing nearly impossible. The most important word in that last sentence is 'nearly'. It's nearly impossible. We know that G-d doesn't give a command that's not possible to fulfill. Difficult? Yes. Very difficult? Yes, yes. But never impossible.
For this reason, I think it fair to say that G-d obviously thinks that you are capable of reaching to a very high level, or he would not have given you this test. And not only that. This situation is a tremendous gift to you from the Creator of the Universe. Now you may think that it's very easy for me to sit here, glibly typing away that you have a big test here and that G-d knows that you have the capacity to pass this test or He wouldn't have given it to you in the first place. And that this seemingly horrendous situation is actually a gift. You would be right in thinking that it's easy for me to talk like this when it's not my test. But I do feel in a position to talk about life's challenges and how they can affect us.
Aside from having my own challenges in being married to a man who finds it difficult to be intimate with me, I have spent the last 18 months battling cancer. I have had several difficult surgeries, one where I nearly lost my life. I've endured seven months of chemotherapy and nearly two months of traveling every day to the hospital for radiation. I think I can quite safely say that this has definitely been one of the most difficult times of my life. But, I can sincerely say that I have emerged a far better person for it. I have had so many challenges along the way and I have tried constantly to see each new challenge as an opportunity for growth, a test to see whether or not I could manage to do the right thing and behave in a way that I know my creator wants from me. That is a tremendous opportunity. An incredible gift. If you're one of these people who think that we're in this world on average for 70 or 80 years to have fun and pleasure, then what I'm trying to say won't speak to you and you can just skip this part. But if you believe, like me, that there is a higher purpose then it follows that everything that happens to us is part of a Divine plan. Every little detail is orchestrated. There are no mistakes. No coincidences. Each of us is here to fulfill our own potential. My potential isn't anybody else's and therefore my tests are designed only for me so that I have the opportunity to reach that potential. And, you know what? I can absolutely guarantee that if we could see the master plan, we wouldn't want it any other way. G-d knows what's best for you. He created you and He created the plan. Each of us gets what's absolutely best for us. Best for us to have the opportunity to climb to the highest heights. If a test is especially difficult, he obviously thinks very highly of you. He knows that you have the capacity to reach incredibly high. He gave you the test AND He gave you the capacity to pass the test, even when it seems almost impossible. And if doing the right thing means that you stay single? I know that being single is no joyride, especially in a community that revolves around family. But, as painful as that is, it sure beats the alternatives. Marriage isn't easy under the best of circumstances. I really wholeheartedly believe, as painful as it may be, it's better to stay single than to be in a marriage that's based on a lie.
Now, having said all that, let me tell you a little about what has transpired over the years and explain how, after 11 years of sharing this struggle together, Dave and I are, thank G-d, happily married.
The first four years were not so easy. Sex was very infrequent and (sorry Dave) Not the greatest! That is until around about our fourth anniversary. Something changed. For 2 months Dave went for hypnotherapy and guess what? It really worked! For the first time, things really seemed to be the way I always thought, hoped and dreamed they could be. Yes!!
However (yes, there had to be a catch, folks!) Well, firstly, it worked out to be rather expensive. Of course, IF you have the money, it's definitely worth the improvement in your intimate life, but it really was taking a large chunk of our income AND, after a while it does gradually wear off and the hypnotee (?) has to go back for refresher courses. As we live about a 2 hour bus ride from the particular hypnotherapist that was having so much success with Dave, this was no easy undertaking. I also realize, in hindsight, that, though hypnotherapy really can work, it's a bit like taking an aspirin when you have a brain tumor. It will help with the headaches but it's not going to cure the problem. However, as a method of alleviating the symptoms, it definitely is worth making the effort, on this front, until the cure is more established. Did I say cure? Oh! So like this........
After several years of good and bad times, with or without the hypnotherapy, we finally discovered a Jewish organization named JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) that has created an entire series of programs to help men and women with SSA! They recommend that each of their male participants attend JIM. Who or what is JIM? Well the letters stand for Journey into Manhood. A few months ago, Dave went away on a JIM weekend and, I'll be honest - he really came back a changed person. He seems much more at ease with himself. I don't mean he just accepts himself the way he is. Heavens, NO! He's somehow tapped in to who he is in a way that he was really meant to be and always felt that he should be. No hypnosis, no pills, no tricks. Is he now the perfect man? Well, I know you wouldn't believe me if I said that he was. But I see that he has started a process. He's on a journey. And the initial change is really tangible.
Since that weekend he goes to regular meetings in town, once a week and he organizes outings for the group attendees to get together. And I really see that it's helping him to relate to others as G-d intended it to be. Dave was able to attend this weekend because he received a grant from JONAH. I have to say that we are both immensely grateful for this. I think that if we hadn't received this grant then he would've been far less motivated to take part.
So, you may wonder: what goes on at these meetings? Well, I'll tell you the truth. I've been wondering the same thing myself!! He told me, after that first weekend, that everything that goes on is confidential and I really try as much as possible not to pry. Though it's not always easy! I'm very curious to know what they did or said to make such a drastic change. He has told me a little of his own personal stuff. It definitely all sounds very wholesome! On the whole, I'm somewhat in the dark but I really don't mind too much because I just know that it really is working and since JIM came into our lives we haven't had one glitch in our personal life. And that's really something to shout about!!
As I mentioned earlier, I'm not naturally the silent type. So, I do have to admit that I did ask the million dollar question....Oh, how did I have the nerve??
"Da-ave," I asked in that pseudo-innocent voice that warned him he was about to get one of 'those' kind of questions!!
"Ye-e-s??"
"When you have these meetings...
"Ye-e-s??..."
"Well, doesn't it kind of happen, sometimes that a guy will be sitting across from another guy and everyone knows that everyone there has SSA.....Well, doesn't it happen that he might be thinking 'Hmmm....he's kinda cute'?"
"And what then? They go back to his place and get to know each other?"
"Well, yes!"
I flinched; waiting for the backlash.......I was pleasantly surprised by the total lack of defensiveness in his tone.
"No, Sarah. It really isn't like that. Everyone there knows that we're there because we don't want to be like this. We're there to get help and to help each other. It just doesn't fit into the whole picture."
"Oh.......................................................... Really?"
"Yes. Really."
So, there you have it. I guess the reason that I decided to put my feelings out there was to bring this whole subject out in the open. To shed light on a very taboo and painful subject. And to let you know that if a person has SSA there are alternatives to joining the gay movement and going out on parade. It really doesn't have to be that way.
If you want to contact me to ask questions or details of contacts, my email address is
If you want to contact a therapist who specializes in overcoming same sex attractions, contact the JONAH Institute for Gender Affirming Therapy, a non-denominational service to help men and women with same-sex attractions or to assist their families in dealing with the issue at 201 433 3444
If you want to join an established support group for SSA men, contact JONAH at info@jonahweb.org
If you want to join an established support group for wives of SSA men also contact JONAH at info@jonahweb.org or the International Healing Foundation at www.comingoutstraight.com
If you want some further reading material, here are some excellent books: Dr.Joseph. Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy for the Male Homosexual; Richard Cohen, Coming Out Straight and Gay Children, Straight Parents; Jeff Konrad, You Don't Have to Be Gay; Alan Medinger, Growth into Manhood: Resuming the Journey, and Arthur Goldberg, Light in the Closet! Torah, Homosexuality, and the Power to Change (to be released shortly by www.redheiferpress.com, click onto catalog at the Red Heifer Press website for information.
Israel
JONAH
Straight to "Gay" and Back Again
by "Jonah"
Reading is always a great start -- I've stayed up a couple of nights reading everything I could find on the JONAH ( www.jonahweb.org ) and NARTH ( www.narth.com ) web sites. Exchanging ideas and experiences with list members has also been immensely valuable. Just knowing that I am not alone and that there are others facing the same issues is comforting. I've come a long way during my 10 months with JONAH, in terms of having a crisp, lucid and deep understanding of my condition -- What a difference compared to the vague hunches, shame, confusion and isolation I was living with for so many years. Based on my experience, I strongly encourage others to overcome whatever shyness and shame we may have had about the subject and to discuss specific issues on the JONAH List Serve. By doing so, we learn more about ourselves and find others who respond as brothers by both accepting me and understanding my value as a person. What a rewarding and healing experience!
While there are many other things we can do to continue our growth into full masculine maturity, it is my belief that reading and gaining support from others is an important tangible start.
A JONAH MAN TALKS ABOUT HIS BISEXUALITY
This essay is prompted by questions posed to me on the JONAH E-Mail List Serve. In an earlier post, I stated that even though I've always identified myself as a heterosexual man, my sexual arousal pattern was very strongly oriented toward the same sex since puberty, that is, age 12 or so. The questions posed: How is this contradiction possible? Why doesn't this fact simply confirm the gay pride propaganda about “internalized homophobia?” Therefore, they would argue I should give into these same- sex attractions of mine and identify as gay?
I always suspected that my homoerotic desires were simply manifestations of some other need. After all, my same-sex attraction (SSA) would really flare up when I felt alone or rejected; on the other hand, it all but disappeared when I was hanging out with good
friends and feeling accepted. I recognized a sobering fact: this sexual attraction to other boys was totally unlike my attraction to women, which is independent of my social situation or mood. My attraction to women was constant regardless of my mental state or emotional feeling. I remember even telling myself, at a fairly young age (15? 16?) -- "You don't really desire these guys sexually, you want them to like you, you want them to think you're cool, you want to be part of their group."
Rather than pursuing this early-on (and correct!) insight, I embarked on a self-contradictory process of suppression and denial. I refused to deal with my issues by simply denying them. Sometimes I would grind my teeth and mutter to myself, "No! You are NOT attracted to that man!" -- which was, of course, a lie. At other times, I would accept that I had unwanted attractions, but would tell myself that as long as I didn't act on them, it's as if they didn't exist; indeed, plenty of willpower and a fear of the consequences kept me from acting out for some 15 years. I accepted the SSA as a permanent fixture, as something I'm stuck with and can't do anything about.
Since I refused to admit that I had a problem, I wasn't looking for a real solution -- certainly not one attacking the root causes of the SSA. The homoerotic fantasies and urges got stronger and stronger until the dam broke. I began to act out homosexually last year.
About the same time that the acting out began, I was fortunate enough to discover JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality. They provided me with the necessary tools to formalize and crystallize the insight I had early on but lost along the way while in my process of denial. I also discovered that the best psychiatrist is the one who tells you something you intuitively already knew about yourself. JONAH helped me analyze what I really wanted out of life.
In truth, I was repelled by the dominant gay culture, the stereotypical mannerisms learned by gay men, and the whole idea of being sexually tender with another man. The gay world was diametrically opposed to my personal goals of having a traditional family, wife and children. Moreover, I always had Opposite Sex Attractions (OSA), an attraction totally different >from my SSA attractions. I never had a problem being attracted to women, or having meaningful, emotional relationships with them, including satisfying sexual relationships.
My identity was always strongly heterosexual. Perhaps my identity actually became hyper-masculine to compensate for the SSA (the martial arts, the physical and social "aggressiveness", etc.). So what then are the differences between my feelings of OSA and SSA?
I see attractive women all the time (I am attracted to several types, which more or less conform to most other men's judgment of female beauty). Of course, the attraction is never based on appearance alone -- there must be an emotional and intellectual connection as well. But my fantasies regarding women are always part of a complete story. I see us holding hands, talking, cuddling on a couch, making passionate
love while looking into each other's eyes, that kind of stuff. The women to whom I am attracted are ones with whom I can visualize myself raising a family and being my best friend. When I experience intercourse with a loving woman who fits the model above, it has a wholesome, manhood-affirming, empowering effect. It makes me proud to be a man, proud to be able to please my woman.
Contrariwise, the SSA had a totally different feel to it. I'd see a man, and feel a certain pang of hunger. I wouldn't want to talk to him, nor get to know him, or even to be his friend. I would picture us in various very specific, very graphic sexual scenarios. And, as soon as the fantasy would be over, I'd want him gone -- out of sight and out of mind. These scenarios describing my SSA and OSA are total opposites.
I realize that I tend to be attracted to younger, boyish or innocent-looking, slim athletic men. For a long time I thought it was simple aesthetics, but in light of what I've learned about myself through the JONAH programs and intensive reading, it's not that
simple. What I subconsciously looked for in SSA encounters, strangely enough, are friendships reminiscent of the friendships I desperately sought as a younger boy. It's a very strange realization because I have no shortage of very good friends now, and by no means do I presently feel lonely or isolated. But SSA doesn't work on rationality, it feeds on scars formed long ago during one's formative years. As a child, I lacked deep meaningful friendships and healthy male affection due to a fear that I did not measure
up. The men I'm attracted to now in some ways remind me of the friends I would have wanted years ago. In effect, I am trying to repair earlier same-sex peer wounds by a totally inappropriate means. After all, none of the homosexual encounters felt wholesome or manhood-affirming. Rather, like taking a drug, it had medicated my pain, albeit temporarily. What I experienced was an intense euphoric "high" followed by guilt, shame, depression, and a compulsive urge to seek more. (On the other hand, it should be pointed out that real life situations that provide negative responses often have an opposite effect as well: In my case, the isolation >from my peers during adolescence created a self-reliance that to this day is one of my strongest character traits.)
Heterosexual relationships and sex are a hefty effort -- going out, talking, the slow progress of intimacy, the foreplay, worrying about the possibility of premature pregnancy, etc. The homosexual encounters, on the other hand, took the essence of sexual gratification and packaged it in a cheap, easily accessible container. You can get right to the point without wasting any emotional effort -- most of my encounters lasted only an hour or so (without knowing anything about the other person involved). It's the
ultimate instant gratification, and I found it extremely addictive.
Since I have always had both SSA and OSA, in a very real sense I made a choice regarding my orientation. There were many reasons for rejecting the gay (or bi) lifestyle: religious, ethical, and pragmatic. Ultimately, I always believed that only a wife and children can bring true happiness to a man; any man who claims to be happy otherwise is, I believe, simply coping (perhaps effectively) with a pathology.
When I traced my SSA history as a product of years of legitimate unmet needs, it all started to make sense. Of course those encounters would be so euphoric: they were tapping into those needs -- bottled up, pressurized (and deformed under pressure), explosive. Of course once exposed that emotional scar tissue would be particularly sensitive and raw. It's all so simple in my mind now, but for many months I was
greatly distressed and confused. If the SSA experiences were so much more intense than the OSA ones, then what is my "real" orientation? The messages I heard on TV and read in the newspapers tried to convince me to think I should identify as "gay." But my inner self said "au contrair".
In this battle, I formerly viewed my effort to be straight as one of a painful sacrifice, one of "toughing it out" requiring me to give up the physically addictive high intensity for the greater ideal of having a normal family. Now I see how that thinking was all misguided. Those men could not possibly give me what I need -- there is no "sacrifice" to grieve over. If I fulfill my need for healthy authentic male connection in intimate non-sexual ways, I can be and in fact am at peace with my inner self and my physical drives. I can
finally enjoy my OSA feelings without my former SSA feelings impinging upon them.
This essay cannot be complete without a comment on the disservice done to me by the education system, media, and prevailing culture. Starting from high school and all through college, I was bombarded by gay-affirming messages and offered countless resources in the form of counselors and straight-gay-transgender alliances. Not a single mention was ever made of how to deal with unwanted same-sex attractions. The popular culture also sent out a very clear message that a person is defined by his urges ("obey your thirst"); this conveniently makes any internal struggle pointless at best and harmful at worst. If a man chooses to give into his same-sex attractions and lead a homosexual lifestyle, that is certainly his legitimate choice. If only the gay activists would afford me the same recognition of legitimacy!
pain (and dangers) I could have been spared, had I had the opportunity to speak with groups like JONAH in my adolescence, I am filled with anger. All those years of pain, confusion (even fleeting thoughts of suicide) -- all inflicted on me, not because there isn't an alternative voice to the gay propaganda, but because this alternative is being viciously stifled, censored and de-legitimized. I will do everything in my power to help groups like JONAH disseminate their message, in the hope they will reach the thousands of adolescents like myself who struggle with the shame, confusion and loneliness of unwanted same-sex attractions.
Links:
Bible in Hebrew:
The Westminster Leningrad Codex
Erbittet für Jerusalem Frieden! Wer dich liebt, sei in dir geborgen.
(Psalm 122:6)
Links:
Rabbinical Commentary
10,000 (including Arnold Schwarzenegger) gather in LA to support Israel
Orthodox Jews protest Jerusalem gay march plan
Andrew Friedman
| Published: | 08.29.06, 12:09 |
- Gay 'Marriage' in Israel: Worse than Holocaust - Will Cause Terrorism Warns Rabbi Levin
- Israel Must Register Homosexual "Marriages" Performed Abroad Rules High Court
ISRAEL
News:
There is a support group now in Israel. More than 100 men have taken part in the last five years in a therepeutic support group for men struggling to resist homosexual behavior and diminish same-sex attraction (Jerusalem Post, Nov. 25th, 2005). The group, which meets once a week in Kiryiat Moshe, is the only one of its kind that meets regularly in Israel and the only English-speaking group in the country. Adam Jessel, a Canadian-born therapist, leads the group.
Formal therapy like change a person's sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual is often called reparative therapy. This also refers to a specific counseling technique that involves helping homosexuals bond in a close, intimate, but non-sexual relationship with adult members of the same gender. This relationship can substitute for the bond between client and same-sex parent that did not properly form in childhood.
Jessel, however, objects to the term "reparative therapy" for this group. They do work to diminish same-sex attraction and to foster bonding with members of the same sex, though.
Same-sex attraction is particularly hard for the Jewish community. The Bible explicitly states: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is an abomination (Leviticus 20:13).
Jessel, who is a member of NARTH and an Orthodox Jew, asks: "In every aspect of our lives, we are told that it is possible to tshuva - to effect change. Why should this be the only aspect of a person's life in which it is impossible to make any kind of change?"
"In today's political climate," he continues, "if someone tells me that he is attracted to his neighbor's young child and wants to reduce these attractions, I, as a therpist, can try to help him. If he has an unwanted attraction to his neighbor's wife, I can help him with this, too. But if he has an unwanted attraction to his neighbor, helping him is somehow regarded as unethical. I believe that if someone wants to change his behavior or reduce unwanted attractions, then he is entitled to receive help. Overcoming one's personal inclinations in order to do what one thinks is right is a classic Jewish struggle."
Jessel sees groups upport as an important part of the process.
At the moment, there are 10 men in the group. All are religious, although in the past the group has also included secular Jews. Jessel sees his openness to both religious and secular as on of the group's assets. Ethical and halachic questions are brought to Rabbi Zev Leff, who sometimes consults with Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv.
"For some, the goal is to modify sexual orientation completely, a process that can take years," Jessel explains. "For most, complete change is irrelevant. Rather, their goal is to gradually resolve underlying issues and eliminate acting out of homosexual behavior." Potential members are screened to ensure their goals are congruent with the group's purpose. They are advised of the group's rules regarding strict anonymity and confidentiality.
Jessel says he has the greatest repect for the men in the group. "I consider my clients to be heroic. They are struggling against powerful sexual urges. Their desires cannot readily be channeled into something permissible. Nevertheless, all of the men are making progress, not just in dealing with same-sex attractions but also in developing self-esteem, becoming more assertive and improving communication. These individuals are among the finest I know. I believe they are lofty souls and I suspect that is why God has given them this challenge."
Adam Jessel can be reached through the Jerusalem Institute of Therapy at:
A Message from the Co-Director of JONAH :: Arthur Goldberg
"Is it possible to set an ideal standard of behavior without becoming judgmental?"
Is it possible to be compassionate towards people without becoming permissive?"
"Can Judaism help those individuals choosing to leave the homosexual lifestyle?"
To answer these questions in the affirmative, we not only need to respect the dignity and humanity of every individual created in the image of G-d, whether or not they choose to follow a Torah-sanctioned path, but also need to understand that change from homosexual to heterosexual is possible, that homosexuality is a learned behavior which can be unlearned, and that healing is a lifelong process.
In 1986, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachum Schneerson, addressed the issue of whether homosexuality was a "right" or an "ill" and determined that because "it is a case of healing a malady" an individual choosing "this form of relationship" must be motivated "to correct it."
His foresight, that "despite the misguided way of the past, everyone has the power to change" their sexual orientation, foreshadowed what is today known as "reparative therapy." The basic premises of reparative therapy (also known as reorientation or change therapy ) are that a person tends to eroticize that with which they do not identify and therefore an internal sense of incompleteness of one's own gender becomes the essential foundation for a homoerotic attraction. However, through therapy and spiritual counseling an individual conflicted about homosexual desires can reclaim their wholeness in terms of their gender identity. Since an individual's perception or recollection of past events shapes their response to new situations, appropriate reorientation counseling assists the homosexual struggler to break down old patterns of avoidance and defensive detachment from their own sex.
JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, is an umbrella worldwide Jewish organization which helps those Jews conflicted by same-sex attraction issues. Their central office in Jersey City, New Jersey, houses counseling rooms, a library, and staff offices. JONAH is the first Jewish organization assisting strugglers and their families to understand and heal the emotional wounds causing the behavior patterns which result in same-sex attraction. JONAH maintains a confidential hotline number (201-433-3444) for those troubled by same-sex attractions and for those who love them. Referrals are made to pre-approved therapists, Rabbis, and counselors for psychotherapy, religious counseling, and support groups.
One of JONAH's primary missions is community outreach and public education. Their Speaker's Bureau offers a wide range of topics related to the education, prevention, intervention, and healing of the issues involved in homosexuality. JONAH seeks to educate the Jewish community about the hope for healing by addressing individuals and groups within synagogues, Jewish Community Centers, and other Jewish organizations. In addition, training seminars are offered by JONAH for Rabbis, teachers, mental health professionals, the community, and those struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions.
Seven is the classic Jewish number representing wholeness. Since JONAH's mission includes preparing the road for the journey into wholeness, we have assembled the following seven items as the commencement of your journey:
The Lubavitcher Rebbe's Sicha: On Healing Homosexuality
Our Stories: Testimonials by Jewish Recovered Homosexuals
Root Problems, Homosexual Symptoms: Discussion from the web site: www.PeopleCanChange.com
Definitions and Causes of Same-Sex Attractions: Discussion of risk factors and/or variables that may led to same-sex attractions. Initially appeared on the web site of International Healing Foundation--www.comingoutstraight.com
The Three Myths About Homosexuality: Discussion from the web site of the National Association for the Research and Treatment of Homosexuality: www.narth.com
JONAH's Online Library: Contains articles discussing same-sex attractions.
"Homosexuality: JONAH Offers Choice," The Jewish State (November 9,2007). This article by Seth Mandel describes the gender affirming process of JONAH and its philosophies.
After reviewing the information listed above, we hope you will be interested in finding out more about how we can help those seeking a choice to leave the homosexual lifestyle.
Thank you,
Arthur Goldberg, Co-Director, JONAH
(Quelle: http://www.jonahweb.org/sections.php?secId=111)
A Message Co-Director of JONAH :: Elaine Silodor Berk
Dear Parents, Rabbis, Therapists, Teachers, and the Jewish Community
JONAH was chosen as our group's name both as an acronym for Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality and to represent the biblical Book of JONAH. The Book of JONAH is the Torah portion read on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and thus the classic parable of repentence and returning to G-D. For all Jews, Yom Kippur represents the culmination of 40 days of reflection, evaluation, and the willingness to change what has not worked well in our lives.
The myths surrounding the attempt to normalize homosexuality have left many of us confused and bewildered. We want to be good people, we don't want to discriminate against our sisters and brothers who experience same-sex attractions, and yet - if we embrace someone's homosexuality as G-D given and natural, are we doing the right thing? Recent scientific evidence bolsters the traditional scientific evidence that leads us to believe that same-sex attractions represent a drive to meet unmet love needs. Based on the numerous articles and papers you will read on the JONAH web site, JONAH's position on how the Jewish community should respond to this issues is as follows:
We love our fellow Jews too much to watch them embrace the false identity of homosexuality. The Torah teaches us that homosexuality is a behavior, not an identity. This idea is further clarified in a letter of support from Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky who powerfully stated, " Anything that the Torah forbids, the human being is able to control."
Empirical evidence is clear that homosexuality is changeable and so we need to devote ourselves to teaching the public about the prevention, causes, and treatment of homosexuality.
For those of us who are parents and family members of those experiencing same-sex attractions, we need to admit that we probably unwittingly contributed to our children's homosexual attractions. Therefore, we need to provide an example of how we as people need to grow and change ourselves so that we can express our love for our children more fully, improve our relationship with them, and teach by example that we all have the capacity to change even deeply-rooted conflicts.
As Jews, we also need to insure that families and communities do not ostracize their children who live a homosexual lifestyle. It is heartless to reject a child for something that is not his/her fault. In the words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, we must "take a loving and caring attitude by extending a helping hand."
We need to reach out to those experiencing same-sex attractions and let them know that we will support them in every way possible if they decide to transition out of homosexuality and recover their heterosexual potential. However, we will love and cherish them as the individuals they are even if they choose to stay in a homosexual lifestyle.
We must reach out with love and compassion and an understanding that many times the worst treatment of homosexuals comes from their own internalized sense of shame and guilt. Alternatively, gay activists seek a cult-like environment to keep a person with a confused sense of gender identiuty within the bounds of the so-called gay lifestlye. Homosexuals are us and we are them, they were not born a different class of persons, they were not born different. No one chooses to be a homosexual anymore than you would choose to be an obese person, an alcoholic, or anyone afflicted with a life-damaging condition, which if we are honest, includes almost all of us in one way or another.
We need to work together to figure out the best way to explain that we can love our fellow Jews and yet encourage them to change. We must be honest and let the public know that in every way measurable, the cons outweigh the pros of a homosexual lifestyle, whether or not the government or a religious body gives its approval to homosexuality. It is simply cruel to tell young people experiencing same-sex attractions that a homosexual lifestyle will give them the same chance at living a full life as a heterosexual lifestyle - we know it won't and we must stand up to the "politically correct" rhetoric of our times and speak the truth.
In closing, we all gain when the issues surrounding homosexuality are out of the closet, when the stigma of being a homosexual is lessened, when recovered homosexuals are not ashamed to speak out and give hope to others, when parents can admit their mistakes, when our fellow Jews know that we love them enough to stand up and fight for their right to live a normal life, and when the world understands the underlying causes of same-sex attractions.
We all need to join together, speak out, publicize our cause, and help our fellow Jews who are suffering from unwanted same-sex attractions.
Shalom with love,
Elaine Silodor Berk, Co-Director of JONAH
(Quelle: http://www.jonahweb.org/sections.php?secId=112)
Seasons of Transformation
The Weekend Training is usually 60 hours long and conducted in a safe, protective environment, away from outside distractions. We journey together through the Jewish calendar, exploring the appropriate lessons each holiday reveals, in regard to relationships in particular. We then strive to experience the essence of these lessons through interactive exercises.
By the end of the workshop, we have differentiated and utilized a broad spectrum of practical interpersonal tools. We have become a circle of vibrant, creative individuals, as well as responsible, compassionate members of a community. This seminar introduces individuals to the possibility of experiencing relationships that are vulnerable and safe, powerful and compassionate. This workshop is gender specific in order to create the appropriate and optimal environment for personal transformation. This is an experiential workshop that literally transforms unconscious, constricted behavior into joyous and powerful ways of being.
For more info, click here: http://www.calloftheshofar.org/programs.php
Links Israel
Links:
Jerusalem: Internationale Homo-Parade abgesagt
Gay Pride March Postponed - But Other Events to Proceed
Jerusalem Braces for Gay Pride Events
Homosexuals Hold Protest in Jerusalem in Wake of Nixed Pride Parade
Dispatch From JerusalemThe Lebanon war comes to a gay pride rally.
Tel Aviv Synagogue Desecration in Support of Jerusalem Gay Pride
Jerusalemer Homo-Parade abgesagt
Israel Must Register Homosexual "Marriages" Performed Abroad Rules High CourtHomosexuals Hold Protest in Jerusalem in Wake of Nixed Pride Parade
Israeli Legislature Approves First Hearing on Bill Reversing Gay Marriage RulingIsrael National Radio: Jewish Organization Helps those in the ‘Gay Lifestyle’
Israel National Radio: Man Who Turned from Gay to Straight Speaks Out!
Petition Drive Launched to Stop Homosexual Assault Against Jerusalem
Thousands of Orthodox Jews Protest Gay Pride - Signs: "J'lem is not Sodom or New York"
Vatican Calls for Cancellation of Today’s “Offensive” Jerusalem Gay Pride
Two Testimonials to the Wives of SSA Strugglers
Written by Casey Bennett and "W"
Living Waters
Burghard Schunkert
Ha Rakevet Street 27
93502, Jerusalem
Israel
E-mail: lifegate@netvision.net.il
Links:
RCA Deems Gay Pride Parade “Offensive & Provocative”
MK Yishai: Gay Parade is a Contamination
13 People Arrested Protesting the "Gay Pride" Parade
MORE THAN CONQUERORS
(Izhar-Joseph Vardinon)
P O Box 5440
Ashkelon 78154
ISRAEL
T: +972 7 671 7860
F: +972 7 671 7860
E: mtc7@internet-zahav.netDirector: Burghard Schunkert; Tel: 011-972-02-673-3772; Ha Rakevet St. 27, Jerusalem 93502, Israel
E-Mail: lifegate@netvision.net.il
SM: Sister minstry of First Stone, Oklahoma City, USA (see Individual/Local Ministries (USA) : Oklahoma)
More Than Conquerors (Jerusalem)
Director: Burghard Schunkert; Tel: 011-972-02-673-3772; Ha Rakevet St. 27, Jerusalem 93502, Israel
E-Mail: lifegate@netvision.net.il
SM: Sister minstry of First Stone, Oklahoma City, USA (see Individual/Local Ministries (USA) : Oklahoma)
Article in the Jerusalem Post: Nature or Nurture?
* Visa Information
* Tourist Tips
* Israel travel facts
* 50 Tourist Sites
* Jerusalem
* Dead Sea
Israel and Its Christian Support Base Linked by New Christian Edition of The Jerusalem Post
Michael Ireland / Aimee Herd reporting (Mar 22, 2006)
Israel Informationen
www.europeancoalitionforisrael.org
Bridges for Peace is a Jerusalem-based Bible believing Christian organization supporting Israel and building relationships between Christians and Jews worldwide through education and practical deeds expressing God's love and mercy.
Founded in 1976, Bridges for Peace seeks to be a ministry of hope and reconciliation.Christian Friends of Israel is an international evangelical para-church ministry legally registered in Israel in 1985 and with the headquarter based in Jerusalem, and representative offices throughout the world.
CFI represents Christians worldwide who love Israel, and desire a channel to express their friendship and united stand with Israel based on the Bible.Christians for Israel is an international and non-political movement of Christians from all churches and denominations with a ministry to declare God's redemptive purposes for Israel and the Church, and to urge support of Israel through prayer and action according to the will and Word of God.
Christians for Israel was founded in 1979. The organisation is based in Netherlands with branches in Europe and North America.International Christian Embassy Jerusalem was established in 1980 by Christian supporters of Israel as a practical expression of the desire of believers throughout the world to bless and comfort Zion.
Today, Christians everywhere have an Embassy representing them in Jerusalem and an effective channel for their concern and love for Israel.Operation Exodus is the operational part of Ebenezer Emergency Fund International, an interdenominational Christian organisation founded in 1991 with headquarters in the UK and offices and representation worldwide. The work is an instrument of the Lord to encourage and help the Jewish people return to the land of Israel from all the nations they were scattered and to proclaim God's Kingdom purposes for their return. Ebenezer Aid Fund is a registered charity providing many poverty-stricken Jewish communities and desperately needy Christians in the former Soviet Union with humanitarian aid.
Deutsch-Israelische Gesellschaft
Die DIG München ist die regionale Arbeitsgemeinschaft der Deutsch-Israelischen Gesellschaft e.V., gegründet 1976. Sie ist eine Organisation in der sich Freunde Israels zusammenfinden, um in Solidarität mit dem Staat Israel und seiner Bevölkerung zu wirken.
www.dig-muenchen.de
weitere Links:Deutsch-Israelische Wirtschaftsvereinigung e.V.
Die Jüdische
Gesellschaft zur Förderung jüdischer Kultur und Tradition e.V.
Israelisches Tanzhaus e.V.
Israelitische Kultusgemeinde München
Zionistische Jugend in Deutschland
Zionistische Organisation Frankfurt
Zionistische Organisation in Deutschland
Hebrew Roots:
Learn Hebrew:
Judaica:
Biblia Hebraica Hebrew for Me Hebrew Keyboard Tutor Interactive Hebrew Alphabet My Hebrew Dictionary National Center for the Hebrew Language Hebrew for Christians
Israel News:
The Gush Etzion Judaica Center Caspi-Silver Sarah Judaica
Political:
Tourism:
Arutz Sheva Radio - Israel National News IsraCast - Jerusalem Broadcast Network Israel Foreign Ministry - Video presentations Jerusalem Post Radio
History
Jewish Quarter Jerusalem Sar-El Tours Ltd - Christian Tours to the Holy Land Save Israel Campaign Virtual Tour of Israel Kibbutz Reloaded
The Arab Israel Conflict Eretz Yitzroel.org History of Israel in a Nutshell Jewish Virtual Library - History of Israel The Peace Encyclopedia
Gems in Israel History of Ancient Israel The Israel Museum - Archeology Ministries:
Christian:
Bridges for Peace International Christian Embassy Jerusalem Settel International Ministries Vision for Israel Wilbur Ministries Zola Levitt Ministries Centro Cristiano Calacoaya Emigration:
Koenig's International News
Israel News
Middle East News
Israel Today
Israel Defense Force - IDF
A Perspective on Life in Israel
Israel
Quotes from U.S. Government Officials
on Israeli Settlements
Friends of Israel
1. Oktober 2006:
Tag des Gebets für den Frieden Jerusalems
Israel My Beloved: International Christian Zionist Center
See the Israel.net Web T.V. Program Guide
http://jerusalemprayerteam.org
JONAH's Response
Links National
Dr. Christl Vonholdt: Arthur Goldberg und die Organisation Jonah
Links International
David, an Ex-Gay,on aish.com
Arutz Sheva: Homosexuality to Heterosexuality: Can the Transition Be Made?
Bridges for Peace is a Jerusalem-based Bible believing Christian organization supporting Israel and building relationships between Christians and Jews worldwide through education and practical deeds expressing God's love and mercy.
Founded in 1976, Bridges for Peace seeks to be a ministry of hope and reconciliation.
Christian Friends of Israel is an international evangelical para-church ministry legally registered in Israel in 1985 and with the headquarter based in Jerusalem, and representative offices throughout the world.
CFI represents Christians worldwide who love Israel, and desire a channel to express their friendship and united stand with Israel based on the Bible.
Christians for Israel is an international and non-political movement of Christians from all churches and denominations with a ministry to declare God's redemptive purposes for Israel and the Church, and to urge support of Israel through prayer and action according to the will and Word of God.
Christians for Israel was founded in 1979. The organisation is based in Netherlands with branches in Europe and North America.
International Christian Embassy Jerusalem was established in 1980 by Christian supporters of Israel as a practical expression of the desire of believers throughout the world to bless and comfort Zion.
Today, Christians everywhere have an Embassy representing them in Jerusalem and an effective channel for their concern and love for Israel.
Anglican Mainstream: US Orthodox Jews: Joint Statement Supporting Traditional Marriage
Information- Allgemein über das Judentum
Information- Allgemein über den Holocaust / Shoa
Information-Allgemein über Israel
http://www.wetteronline.de/Israel.htm
Information- Allgemein über Nah-Ost
Information- Allgemein über Antisemitismus
http://www.honestly-concerned.org/
Deutsch - Israelische Vereinigungen
Zeitschriften Weltweit
Israelische Botschaft - Israelische Institutionen
Media
http://www.MidEastTruth.com/cartoons.html
Radio Sender-TV Sender
Campus/Day Schools/Youth Groups
The Academic Friends of Israel
American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC)
American Students for Israel (UC Santa Barbara, California)
B’nai B’rith Youth Organization (BBYO)
Bnei Akiva of the United States and Canada
Campus Watch, Monitoring Middle Eastern Studies on Campus
Chabad Lubavitch National Campus Foundation
Chazit HaNoar (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil) [Portuguese]
European Center for Jewish Students
European Union of Jewish Students
Greater Philadelphia Israel Campus Initiative
Hashomer Hatzair
Hillel and Jewish Student Organizations
Israel on Campus Coalition of Greater Washington
Jewish Student Organizations in the Diaspora
Jewish University in Cyberspace (JUICE)
Johns Hopkins University Jewish Student Association
The Mega Webmap of Israeli & Jewish Schools
National Conference of Synagogue Youth (NCSY)
National Jewish Committee on Scouting
New Voices - National Jewish Student Magazine
North American Alliance for Jewish Youth
North American Federation of Temple Youth (NFTY)
The North American Jewish Student Alliance
Reform Synagogues of Great Britain National Student Web Site (UK)
Schools/Jewish Student Organizations Outside the United States
Spanish Union of Jewish Students (JUE)
Union des Etudiants Juifs de France - UEJF [French]
World Union of Jewish Students (WUJS)
Contests/Prizes
May Family National Art & Writing Contest
Visions for Israel and the Jewish Future
Food
General
American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee
American Political Science Association (APSA)
Association of Jewish Family and Children's Agencies
Canadian Institute for Jewish Research
Canadian Jewish Congress (CJC)
The Coalition on the Environment and Jewish Life (COEJL)
Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society (HIAS)
International Association of Jewish Vocational Services (IAJVS)
International Jewish Sports Hall Of Fame
Institute for Jewish Policy Research
Jewish Council for Public Affairs (JCPA)
Jewish Education Service of North America (JESNA)
The Jewish Guide to the Internet
The Middle East Media and Research Institute (MEMRI)
National Institute of Judaism and Medicine
ORT Russia
ORT USA
Steven Spielberg Jewish Film Archive
Synagogues on Postcards and Stamps
Union of Councils for Soviet Jews (UCSJ)
United Jewish Communities (UJC)
Water -Middle East Water Resources
Hagshama Department of the World Zionist Organization
History
Academic Guide to Jewish History
Arab-Israeli Conflict: Basic Facts
A Short History of the Jews of Greece
American Jewish Historical Society (AJHS)
Berlin's Jewish Museum - Jüdisches Museum Berlin
Builders of America-The Jewish Heritage
Camp David Accords — Framework for Peace
The Michael Davidson Early Hebrew Printing Homepage
The Dinur Center for the Study of Jewish History
From Haven to Home: 350 Years of Jewish Life in American (A Library of Congress Exhibition)
German-Speaking Jewry, History and Culture, The Leo Baeck Institute
The Hebrews: A Learning Module
History of the Ancient Near East
The History of Belarussian Jewry
The History of the Jewish People
Historical Society of Jews From Egypt
Information Resource Centre, Canadian Forces College
International Association of Jews from Egypt
International Survey of Jewish Monuments
Internet Ancient History Sourcebook
Internet Modern History Sourcebook
Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs
The Israeli Navy (Tzva Hagana L'Yisrael Heyl Ha'Yam )
The Jerusalem Archaeological Park
Jewish-American History on the Web
Jewish Canadian Military Museum
Jewish Experience in the Americas
The Jewish Historical Society of England
The Jewish Historical Society of Metrowest (New Jersey)
Jewish Museum Berlin (Germany)
The Jewish Museum of Manchester, England
Joint Authority for Jewish Zionist Education in the Diaspora in Canada
The Literature of Intelligence: A Bibliography of Materials, with Essays, Reviews, and Comments
Machal-Volunteers in Israel's War of Independence
Museum of Jewish Heritage - A Living Memorial to the Holocaust
National Archives and Records Administration
National Museum of American Jewish History
National Museum of American Jewish Military History
National Women's History Project
Orion Center for the Study of the Dead Sea Scrolls
Remembering Luboml - Images of a Jewish Community
Prof. Eliezer Siegel's Home Page
Southern Jewish Historical Society
Synagogues In Glory & In Ruins
Texas Jewish Historical Society
University of Michigan Document Center—Middle East Conflicts
West Virginia Jewish History and Genealogy
The Holocaust
The 71st Infantry at Gunskirchen Lager, Austria - 1945
A Teacher's Guide to the Holocaust
About.com Guide to the Holocaust
Anne Frank - An Oasis of Innocence
Association of Holocaust Organizations
Auschwitz-Birkenau Museum and Memorial
Auschwitz Jewish Center Foundation
The Brest Ghetto Passport Archive
C.A.N.D.L.E.S. Holocaust Museum
The Center For Holocaust and Genocide Studies
Center for Holocaust, Genocide & Peace Studies
Children - Bialystok Poland Jewish Children's Memorial
The Desert Holocaust Memorial—Palm Springs
Documentary Resources on the Nazi Genocide and its Denial
Education...A Legacy Forum for Teachers
El Paso Holocaust Museum and Study Center
Father Kolbe, the Saint of Auschwitz
Florida Holocaust Memorial Museum
Forgotten Victims: The Abandonment of Americans In Hitler's Camps
Fortunoff Video Archive for Holocaust Testimonies
German Economy Foundation Initiative
German Forced Labor Compensation Program
German Resistance Memorial Center,
Hamburg Institute for Social Research
Herinneringscentrum Kamp Westerbork
The Holocaust: A Tragic Legacy
The Holocaust Centre, Beth Shalom
Holocaust Era Assets: Records and Research at the National Archives and Records Administration
The Holocaust/Genocide Project
Holocaust Global Registry-JewishGen
The Holocaust Museum and Resource Center (HMRC) of Scranton, Pennsylvania
Holocaust Teacher Resource Center
Holocaust Victim Assets Litigation
Holocaust and War Victims Tracing Center
Imperial War Museum London -- The Holocaust Exhibition
Independent Committee of Eminent Persons ("The Volker Commission")
The International Baccalaureate Holocaust Project
The International Commission on Holocaust Era Insurance Claims
International School for Holocaust Studies
Internet Modern History Sourcebook
Interviews from the Underground
Jan Karski: A Hero of the Holocaust
Janusz Korczak Communication Center
The Janusz Korczak Living Heritage Association
The Jewish Agency Bureau for Missing Relatives
The Jewish Foundation for the Righteous
Jewish Labor and the Holocaust
KZ Mauthausen-GUSEN Info-Pages
Learning About the Holocaust Through Art
Mechelen Museum of Deportation and the Resistance, the Shoah Museum in Belgium
Metropolitan Museum of Art Provenance Research Project
Moreshet Mordechai Anilevich Memorial
Nazi-Era Provenance Internet Portal
New York State Holocaust Claims Processing Office
Online Magazine for Post-Holocaust Issues
Overview of Memorial Museums for the Victims of the Nazi-Regime in Germany
People with a History: An Online Guide to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans History
Presidential Advisory Commission on Holocaust Assets in the United States
Resources for Children of Holocaust Survivors
Responses to the Holocaust: A Hypermedia Sourcebook for the Humanities
Schindler's List Teaching Guide
The Story of Oscar Schindler—Rake and Saviour
The Second World War and Jewish Education in America: The Fall and Rise of Orthodoxy
The State Museum of Auschwitz-Birkenau
Survivors of the Shoah Visual History Foundation
Teaching the Holocaust Through Stamps
Tunnel and Shelter Researching
United States Holocaust Memorial Museum
Visas For Life: The Remarkable Story of Chiune and Yukiko Sugihara
Raoul Wallenberg Around the World Guide
When Heaven's Vault CrackedZagreb Memories
The World Center for Teaching the Shoah
World War II Concentration Camp Photos
Human Rights
Palestinian Human Rights Watch
Israel
Alut - Israel's National Organization for Autistic Children
America Israel Chambers of Commerce
American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC)
American Physicians Fellowship for Medicine in Israel (APF)
Ariel Center for Policy Research (ACPR)
Association of Software Houses
Be'er—an Environmental School of Meaningful Education in the Jewish Spirit
Begin-Sadat Center for Strategic Studies
Beth Hatefutsoth - The Israel Diaspora Museum
Britain Israel Communications and Research Centre (BICOM)
Canadian Council for Israel and Jewish Advocacy (CIJA)
Center for Monitoring the Impact on Peace (CMIP)
Chadash Communist Party of Israel
Chambers of Commerce of Haifa and the North of Israel
CNN 360º Virtual Tour of Israel
Conference for Middle East Peace
Federation of Israeli Chambers of Commerce
German-Israeli Foundation for Scientific Research and Development (GIF)
Giving Wisely: The Internet Directory of Israeli Nonprofit and Philanthropic Organizations
Golan Heights Information Server
ilMuseums: Israel Museums Guide
Information Regarding Israel's Security (IRIS)
Institute for Advanced Strategic and Political Studies
The Institute of Archaeology (The Hebrew University, Jerusalem)
International Arid Lands Consortium (IALC)
International Christian Embassy Jerusalem
Israel-America Chamber of Commerce
Israel Association for Ethiopian Jews
Israel Atomic Energy Commission
Israel Infotour-The Official Israeli Tourism Site
Israel Oceanographic & Limological Research
Israel Science and Technology Homepage
Israel-U.S. Binational Agricultural Research and Development Fund (BARD)
Israel-U.S. Binational Industrial Research and Development Foundation (BIRD)
Israel-U.S. Binational Science Foundation (BSF)
Israeli Center For Third Sector Research (ICTR)
Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics
Israeli Embassies and Consulates
Embassy of Israel (Luanda, Angola)
Embassy of Israel (Buenos Aires, Argentina)
Israeli Consulate (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)
Embassy of Israel (Ottawa, Ontario, Canada)
Embassy of Israel (Santiago, Chile)
Embassy of Israel (Hong Kong, China)
Israeli Consulate (Shanghai, China)
Embassy of Israel (Copenhagen, Denmark)
Embassy of Israel (London, England)
Embassy of Israel (Addis Ababa, Ethiopia)
Embassy of Israel (Paris, France)
Embassy of Israel (Bonn, Germany)
Embassy of Israel (Budapest, Hungary)
Embassy of Israel (Dublin, Ireland)
Embassy of Israel (Rome, Italy)
Embassy of Israel (Tokyo, Japan)
Embassy of Israel (Seoul, Korea)
Embassy of Israel (The Hague, The Netherlands)
Embassy of Israel (Wellington, New Zealand)
Embassy of Israel (Manila, Philippines)
Embassy of Israel (Warsaw, Poland)
Embassy of Israel (Lisbon, Portugal)
Embassy of Israel (Moscow, Russian Federation)
Embassy of Israel (Madrid, Spain)
Embassy of Israel (Stockholm, Sweden)
Embassy of Israel (Bern, Switzerland)
Embassy of Israel (Ankara, Turkey)
Embassy of Israel (Montevideo, Uruguay)
Israeli Labor Party [Hebrew]
Israeli Ministry of Absorption
Israeli Ministry of Agriculture
Israeli Ministry of Environment
Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Israeli Ministry of Public Security
Israeli Ministry of Regional Cooperation
Israeli Ministry of Religious Affairs
Israeli Ministry of Tourism (North America)
The Israeli Navy (Tzva Hagana L'Yisrael Heyl Ha'Yam )
Israeli Prime Minister's Office
Jaffee Center for Strategic Studies
Jerusalem Center for Public Affairs
Jerusalem Institute for Israel Studies
Jerusalem - Israel Ministry of Foreign Affairs Internet Exhibit
The Jewish Agency Bureau for Missing Relatives
Jewish Family Heritage Institute
Joint Authority for Jewish Zionist Education in the Diaspora in Canada
The Knesset—The Israeli Parliament
Likud [Hebrew]
Lifeline for the Old in Jerusalem
Massachusetts Trade Office in Jerusalem
Maytal - Israel Institute for Treatment & Study of Stress
Ministry of Industry & Trade's Center for Business Promotion
Israel Nature & National Parks Protection Authority
The Pedagogic Center, The Department for Jewish Zionist Education, The Jewish Agency for Israel
The President of the State of Israel
The Yitzhak Rabin Center for Israel Studies
Social and Political Research in Israel
Society For the Protection Of Nature In Israel (SPNI)
State of Israel Government Gateway
The Supreme Court and Judicial Authority
United Jewish Communities (UJC)
U.S.-Israel Science & Technology Commission
U.S. Embassy and Information Service in Israel
Water Data Banks Project, Executive Action Team (EXACT)
Hagshama Department of the World Zionist Organization
YASHAR: Giving Wisely and Directly
The Yesha Council of Judea Samaria and Gaza
Zionism and Israel Information Center
Israeli Universities & Colleges
Ben-Gurion University of the Negev
The Jacob Blaustein Institute for Desert Research (BIDR)
Jerusalem College of Technology
She'arim College of Jewish Studies for Women
Technion - Israel Institute of Technology
The Weizmann Institute of Science
Israel/Education Programs
Alexander Muss High School in Israel
The Alisa Flatow Memorial Fund
American Friends of the Israel National Musuem of Science
Archaeological Excavations in Israel 2006
Australia/Israel & Jewish Affairs Council (AIJAC)
AVODAH: The Jewish Service Corps
Ben-Gurion University of the Negev
Boston University Met College/Ben-Gurion
Council of Jewish Federations/Israel Forum
Galillee College Interreligious Program
The Hebrew University of Jerusalem
International March of the Living
IBA: Israel Basketball Academy
Internship in Israel, Israeli Foreign Ministry
Israel Experience and Scholarship Services (Columbus, OH)
Israel Experience Program (Los Angeles)
Israel Science and Technology Homepage
Jewish Federation of the Greater East Bay Community Teen Trip
Keshet: The Center for Educational Tourism in Israel
National Conference of Young Israel
National Council of Young Israel - Achva Programs
Nativ College Leadership Program in Israel
North American Federation of Temple Youth (NFTY)
The Schlesinger Institute Summer Program in Medical Halacha
Technion - Israel Institute of Technology
VISA - Visiting Israel Students Association
World Union of Jewish Students (WUJS) -Israel
Yakar Tradition and Creativity
Young Judaea's Year Course in Israel
Yeshivat Darche Noam/David Shapell College
Jewish Communities/Travel
(U.S. cities organized by state; international cities organized by country)
Australia - Executive Council of Australian Jewry
Australia - Jewish Ozzies' Inter.Net (J.O.I.N.-Australia)
Australian Union of Jewish Students
Australia - Zionist Federation
The Babylonian (Iraqi) Jewry Heritage Center
Belgium - The Jewish Community of Antwerp
Brazil - Congregação Israelita Paulista!
Calgary Jewish Students Association
Canada - Saskatoon Jewish Community
China - Jewish Community of Shanghai
China - Kehillat Beijing - Jewish Community of Beijing
CIS (270 communities) - Federation of Jewish Communities of the CIS
Commemorating 350 Years (Mikvé Israel-Emanuel Curaçao, N.A.)
Connecticut - The Lebsontech Guide to Jewish Life in Greater Hartford
Dutch Jewish Student Organizations
Dutch Jews - The Center for Research on Dutch Jewry
England - the Board of Deputies of British Jews
England - New Castle and the North East Jewish Communities
England - Union of Jewish Students
Ethiopia - Balachin (Ethiopian Jewish Cultural Center)
European Association for Jewish Culture
European Council of Jewish Communities
Finland - Jewish Community of Helsinki
Florida - Jewish in Florida.com
French Jewish Community - Communauté On Line
Germany - the Jewish Site of Berlin
Global Jewish Information Network (Local Communities)
Greece - A Short History of the Jews of Greece
Hungary - Union of Jewish Students in Hungary
Illinois - Jewish Chicago HaMacom
Illinois - Chicago Jewish Community Online
Illinois - Virtual Jewish Chicago
Infotour—Israel Tourist Information
International Association of Jews from Egypt
Israel - Discover Israel Inside Guide
Israel - Jerusalem Municipality
Israel - Jewish Community of Hebron
Israel - UJA Online - Missions to Israel
Italy - Florence - Sinagoga e Comunità Ebraica di Firenze
Italy - L'Isola della Rugiada Divina (in Italian)
Italy - the Synagogue of Siena
Jabad Lubavitch Argentina [Spanish]
Japan - Israelites Came To Ancient Japan
Jewish Communities of the World
Jewish Community of Merano [Italy - Italian]
Kansas - Jewish Kansas City Online
Pennsylvania - Jewish Pittsburgh
Jewish Sightseeing Around the World
Massachusetts - Jewish Community Relations Council of Greater Boston
Massachusetts - Natick Jewish Community
Massachusetts - The Jewish Boston Resources Page
Michigan - Metro Detroit's Jewish Web
Minnesota & the Dakotas - JCRC
Moldova - The Federated Jewish Communities of Moldova
Netherlands - Jewish Community Amsterdam (Mostly in Dutch)
New York - Jewish Community Relations Council of New York
Norway - Jewish Community of Oslo
Ohio - Jewish Cleveland On-Line
Ohio - Jewish Community of Akron
Oregon - A Guide to Jewish Portland
Pennsylvania - The Gershman Y, Jewish Community Centers of Greater Philadelphia