JASON
Christian Ex-Gay Ministry
Jason's Story
Jason's Story
Und hier die Geschichte des Jungen, der unserem Ex-Gay Ministry den Namen gab. Diese Geschichte soll zeigen, wie wichtig es ist, Homosexuelle nicht als Menschen zu verurteilen, sondern ihnen mit Liebe und Respekt zu begegnen.
Jason's Story wurde uns von seinem Pastor übermittelt. Wir haben seiner Mutter eine Grußbotschaft geschickt (siehe unten). Sie freut sich unglaublich, dass der Tod ihres Sohnes nicht umsonst war. Jason ist ein Junge aus Neuseeland, der sich 2005 das Leben genommen hat.
Sein Name steht stellvertretend für alle Frauen und Männer mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen weltweit.
Wir sind noch heute über unseren Kontaktmann in Neuseeland in Verbindung mit Jason's Mutter. Sie ist tief bewegt darüber, dass Gott aus all dem Unheil noch etwas Gutes hervorgebracht hat und der Name ihres Sohnes um die Welt geht.
Jason, we love you and we'll never forget you. You'll live on.
Jason war ein Junge aus Neuseeland. Er hatte gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen, hat sie aber nie ausgelebt und nur seinem Pastor davon erzählt. Trotzdem wurde er von seinen Mitschülern verspottet und von sogenannten Christen in seiner Gemeinde verurteilt. Schließlich wurde er in der Schule nicht nur beschimpft und beleidigt, sondern auch noch körperlich auf die übelste Weise mißhandelt. Immer und immer wieder. Nie aber hat er seine Peiniger verurteilt. Nie hat er ihnen etwas Schlechtes gewünscht. Und in all dem Drama hat er immer an seinem "Held" - JESUS - festgehalten. Er liebte Jesus und hätte seine Neigungen nie ausgelebt. Jasons einziger wohlwollender Kontakt war sein Pastor Mike, der in einer Online-Gruppe von Homosexuals Anonymous war.
Eines Tages war es aber auch für Jason zu viel. Er hielt es nicht mehr aus und nahm sich das Leben. Nie werde ich den Tag vergessen, als sich Mike bei uns meldete und völlig außer sich war. Er hat ihm die Augen geschlossen und es hat ihm das Herz gebrochen. Und dann musste er auch noch die Beerdigung machen und all den Menschen, die ihn so gepeinigt haben, ins Gesicht sehen - und wie ein Christ dabei handeln.
Mike hat es geschafft. Er hat sich vorbildlich verhalten. Schließlich wurde er Zeuge, wie im fernen Deutschland ein Ex-Gay Ministry mit dem Namen JASON gegründet wurde und erzählte dies Jason's Mutter, die zutiefst bewegt davon war - was Gott aus all dem Unheil hervorbringen kann.
Ich hatte noch einige Zeig Kontakt mit Mike. In seinem letzten Email flehte er mich an, mit ihm in Verbindung zu bleiben. Für mich war auch er immer "mein Held", auch wenn er nicht wollte, dass ich ihn so nannte. Schließlich hörten wir nichts mehr von ihm. E-Mails kamen zurück. Monate später meldete sich ein Unbekannter, der uns erzählte, Mike wäre im Krankenhaus, aber er würde uns nicht sagen, was los sei, da Mike uns nicht beunruhigen wollte.
Einige Monate darauf meldete sich ein Pastor namens Les bei uns. Er hat viele Jahre mit Mike verbracht und auch mit ihm in Neuseeland gearbeitet. Er erzählte uns, dass Mike an einem Hirntumor gestorben war und auch damals schon wusste, was mit ihm los war. Nie hat er sich deswegen beklagt oder uns überhaupt davon erzählt.
Sein Tod hat mich schwer getroffen. Ich werde sowohl Jason als auch Mike nie vergessen.
Les trat in Mike's Fußstapfen. Er trat HA bei und verrichtet seinen Dienst in Neuseeland. Er hält auch immer noch den Kontakt zu Jason's Mutter. Außerdem ist er inzwischen im Vorstand des Ex-Gay Ministrys JASON.
Vor kurzem wurde Les am hellichten Tag von Menschen, die Homosexuelle hassen, bewusstlos geschlagen. Kurz darauf erlitt er einen Herzanfall.
Les lebt noch. Und hoffentlich noch lange. Wir brauchen dich, Les.
Jason's Geschichte geht weiter...
München, 20.03.2006
Robert Gollwitzer
It all strated here in the South Pacific when a young man was beaten constantly and often times in the most degrading and humiliating ways one could imagine. Yes, jason was a homosexual but other than two people no one knew and yet because he did not have a girl friend he was judged as being "gay" and subjected as stated previously to emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
This abuse carried itself on into the "Christian" arena when church itself judged Jason and effectively rejected him because he was "gay" or so they had been informed. At no time did the church ask Jason that question, rather they listened to the gossip and acted in the most un-Christian like manner imaginable.To their shame, the LordJesus Christ will be their judge.
Sadly, Jason could take the pressure no longer and took his own life. To those of us who knew this young man, it was devastation beyond compare as he was truly the most amazing example of a Christian suffering, and in silence. it is also true to say that I learnt much from this 17 year old, things that I should have already known given my time as a Christian. Still, I guess the Lord's timing is perfect and I thank and praise Him daily for allowing me the privilage of meeting, praying alongside and comforting this young man. I believe that I can also comment briefly in regards to the man, my dear friend Pastor Mike., who spent countless hours ministering to Jason, cleaning his wounds and holding him in Christian love and confort. It is fair to say, that I miss both of these men as I consider them both to have been mighty men of God. Pastor Mike., counselled and prayed for this young man often times through the night that the Lord Jesus would intervene in whatever way He considered appropriate. Pastor Mike., was like Jason, an inspiration to all that knew them. My love remains with them both even to this day. They are sadly missed.
The Jason group has an informal online group of 3 men who like HA-2 minister to each other in regrads to remaining free from homosexuality. This small group is effective in that the news is spreading here in the South Pacific Islands, although men are very reluctant because of the stigma that remains here in regrads to homosexuality. New Zealand in particular in extremely apathetic towards Christianity and as a consequence it makes it a very difficult place to minister the name of Jesus in. The South Pacific Islands are similar to New Zealand but in a different way. most of the Islands are inclined towards Christianity, but homosexulity is something that is just not talked about, hence such homosexuals remain very insecure as a result of their sexual orientation, but also because of the likely rejection that will happen if in fact their homosexuality some how come to the surface. The Lord's grace is needed here in the South Pacific to help all of these men in the many countries of the South Pacific to be set free from their bondage.
The email communication is working reasonably well. and, although we are few in number, I am encouraged when the Lord Jesus said, that, "that when two or more gather in His name, he is in their midst." These men are starting to open up and encourage one another through the difficulties of speaking openly and often times for the first time about their area of addiction. Thank You Jesus.
Likewise, the name Jason is being used quite frequently these days as I preach openly about restoration through the name of Jesus. Not all that long ago, I was knocked to the groud because I stated openly that homosexual's can be set free totally by the power of the Holy Spirit. Wow, that hurt, haha, but on a more serious note, it was an interesting situation because when I picked myself up off the floor, and continued to minister as I had been doing, a new kind of interest or attention was evident....the Holy Spirit touched two young men that night. These young men had been engaging in homosexual activities, (not with each other), but such was the power of the Holy Spirit that night that I do believe that they were both set free totally from their addictions. Now, some weeks later, neither of them have engaged in any homosexual or other sexual activity and remain on fire for the Lord Jesus Christ. Interestingly, I have since been invited back to that church to preach again and needless to say, Jason was mentioned on numerous occassions. As I see it, Jason is a symbol or standard for all people to reach out to regardless of their sexual orientation. Just the fact that jason was such an incredible instrument of mercy and love for the Lord Jesus Christ is worthy of mention in what ever situation or circumstance I happen to ministering in. Young peopel who are heterosexual have approached me after I have ministered and spoken to me about their sexual activities with members of the opposite sex. So I guess what I am trying to say here is that Jason is reaching out to others than those who are homosexual, and that is absolutely amazing.
May almighty God continue to bless you all as just reward for your efforts.
Together we walk with the Father.
22 February 2005
Three weeks ago I was called to the home of a church member who seemed to be in extreme distress. I had no idea what the problem was until I arrived at her home. There she told me that her 17 year old son had committed suicide earlier on that afternoon.
This young man had been seeing me weekly for close on 12 months and I knew only too well what his situation was. Even after such a period of time, I gleamed no indication that he might be suicidal. Having said that, I must also add here that he counted himself blessed to be able to call himself a Christian regardless of the persecution that he endured.
This boy attended a local high school and was subjected to verbal, physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of fellow students. Many was the time he would come to me to help clean him up before he returned home to his mother. Beatings were on a regular basis. His school locker and school books had words such as fag, queer, homo, and others that I do not consider suitable to suggest in this forum. He was afraid to have a shower at school because of the sexual abuse he would be subjected to, and yet, this was far from the worst that would happen to him. On a number of occasions he was stripped naked and tied to football posts in the middle of the school paddock. And, as if this was in itself was not sufficient for his tormentors, he had painted on his chest, legs and forehead such words as I suggested above. On one occasion he had a heavy weight tied too his genitalia and left there is intense pain. This was undoubtedly the worst type of humiliation that he could experience at school. The school authorities stood silent, and by so doing, sanctioned brutality and dehumanisation of this young man.
Why did this happen, well, sad as it may be, if you are a 17 year old male and do not have a girl friend, apparently this automatically qualifies you as being “gay”? This was the rumour that was gaining momentum daily at school and as a consequence, some of his peers took it upon himself to torture this boy without actually having anything substantial upon which to base their theory.
It was not long before the church he fellowshipped at heard that he was “gay” and admonished him accordingly. “How can you be a Christian if you are gay, you are going to hell?” So much for the love that Jesus Christ centred his ministry on. Rather what I consider was evident was that of judgementalism and hatred. This young man was in a no win situation. I believe that what he was made to endure would have sorely tested the strongest of adults.
The irony of this story is that this 17 year old boy was actually gay. He had never had sexual contact with any other person, male or female, and apart from his mother and myself, no one else knew of his sexuality. Every judgement of this young man was made on the sad and ill informed assumption that because he had no girl friend, it stood to reason that he was gay. But what of the church? What gave those members the right to take on more judgement than Jesus Himself executed whilst on earth, Jesus said, "I judge no one." Many here may well find themselves bankrupt debtors on the day of judgement.
Let us not forget that the blood of this young man will remain forever on the hands of those who judged, tormented and tortured him.
In conclusion, I feel that I must say this about that young man. Not once did he ever complain or talk in a negative manner about those who were mistreating him. I have no doubt, that on that great and awesome day, the Lord will say, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter in.”
Pastor Mike.
Munich, 2005-04-03
Dear Jason’s Mother,
You don’t know me. My name is Robert Gollwitzer and I live in Munich, Germany. A friend of mine – your pastor Mr. Michael Barry – told me your son’s story. As he told many others around the globe. It broke our hearts to hear what happened and we decided to do something against it. It won’t help your son anymore, but it might save another Jason here in Germany.
At the moment, we are about to build up the first ex-gay ministry here in Munich, supported by our church and by Christian organizations like Exodus and Homosexuals Anonymous. It will be started with a seminar on the 30th of April. Each participant in this seminar, in future seminars and in the following support groups will get a workbook that is dedicated to the memory of your beloved son.
We want to help people freeing themselves from their same-sex attractions, but we will also teach other Christians how to deal with “people like us”. What to do to help and support them, how to express their love – but also things they should never do, say or even think.
Your son’s memory is the light that shines and guides us. The way he endured the pain, the humiliation and the suffering without accusing his torturers or saying anything bad against them is outstanding. Jason displayed so much love for Jesus that his faith serves as a role model for all of us.
Mr. Barry sent us your son’s story. We started spreading it and will spread it even further once our homepage is online (which will still take a couple of months). We decided to call our ex-gay ministry here “Jason”.
I have no idea if the Lord blesses our efforts and if we will be successful and if our ministry will get bigger. Be assured, however, that we want to do our share to keep your son’s memory alive and that we will continue praying for Jason and his family.
Dear Jason’s mother, I really hope we can ease your pain a little and help you in your grief by showing you that the seed of Jason’s memory is growing and will hopefully bring good fruit. Like this, Jason won in the end.
Your son’s death will not be in vain and he won’t be forgotten.
Unfortunately, nobody was there to help him in his pain. He ended his life to finally stop the suffering, thus bringing blood on the hands of his torturers.
The Lord looks into our hearts – and Jason certainly had a heart of gold. He is with Jesus right now and the angels in heaven will give him the love and comfort his peers and so-called “Christians” did not give him on earth.
We will all be together again someday and I can’t wait to embrace Jason then and show him someone does care.
Until then, we will try to make the difference by embracing those who need us here on earth.
And by praying for Jason and his family.
Dear Jason’s mother, you are not alone in that. We are with you and we care for you.
Please accept my condolences and let me express my deepest love, respect and admiration for your son. It would certainly have been an honor meeting him in person.
Jason’s light will continue to shine.
Sincerely yours,
Robert Gollwitzer
(Homosexuals Anonymous)
And finally, one of Jason's last emails to pastor Mike:
My hero of all time is Jesus Christ. I am a committed Born Again Christian, and although I follow Jesus Christ I am finding it increasingly difficult to reconcile my Christian faith with that of being gay and a Christian at the same time, not withstanding all of the homophobic attitudes in Christian circles these days. I have been persecuted for my faith and for also being gay, but nothing will cause me to faulter in my walk with almighty God. Perhaps it might be strange or difficult to understand, but when I am under physical, emotional or verbal attack, I continue to have a peace that only He can give me. Who else would I have as my hero other than JESUS?
Jason
killed himself 2005
News from Pastor Mike:
With deep grief we got that message from a friend of Pastor Mike:
I am not sure if you were aware, but Pastor Mike died some time ago now, I took his memnorial service which was well attended, a sure rememberance of a very fine man and minister of the Gospel. Pastor Mike died of a brain tumor which un beknown to him was well set in when he was in your groups.
God bless.
Les
We just got that from a friend of Pastor Mike, who also informed us about his death and who did the funeral:
I have been a pastor for the last 30 years less a few years which I will explain about shortly.
I meet Pastor Mike on prison where I too was a guest of Her Majesty the Queen. together we formed a formidible foe to any one there who would dare to speak against amlmighty God or Christianity in general. Yes, I made mistakes and paid the price for those sins.
On release Pastor Mike and I started a church for those who considered themselves to have been offended by Church in whatever way. I can relate to that in as far as i too was an offender and can only but imagine how the people that I ministered to must have felt when I was arrested and imprisoned accordingly. this chruch ultimately reached out across New Zealand and ministered to those who were bound are by dysfunction in some way or another. today this chruch houses around about 500 souls for the Lord as well as two rehabilitation Houses for dysfunctinal teenage males that government agencies have simply given up on. Many of these young men have surrendered their lives to almighty god and moved on with their lives.
Today I spend my time as director of the two rehabilitation house, Senior Pastor of the church as well as spending considerable time overseas
ministering at youth rallies and Pastor’s conferences, so as you can see , I don’t really have much time for myself these days, but praise God that He has chosen to use me as He sees fit.
Whilst inside, I studied towards and finally gained a Doctorate of Divinity degree which has come in very useful whilst ministering to Pastor’s in
particular. So often these men seem to put thenselves on some form of pedastall and this Doctorate seems to bring them down to earth allowing me the opportunity to minister the Word of God to them in fullness and truth….thank you Jesus.
Of interest to you will ne the fact that I have meet Jason’s mother. I praise God for that opportunity as I was able to explain to her the impact
that your ministry was having on ex-gay people in Germany. She was amazed that her son would have such an impact on just so many live. Praise God, we were able to laugh and cry together as she related different things that happened in Jason’s life. It was a real blessing because I was given the opportunity to minister at her local church and I did so on the impact hypocracy in the church and in particualr against minority groups. I told the congegation there that the Jason Ministry was something that should never really have happened given the fact the he was just an average young man, however, the brutal treatment from fellow students and church a like opened the door through Jason to raech many people across germany. This brought tears from several people there giving me the opportunity to invite those there present to come forward, repent and re- surrender their lives to almighty god, what an amazing blessing that service was…what an amazing young man Jason was. Thank you Father for Jason’s life.
Yes I am a homosexual and have been for as many years as I dare to remember. I praise God that I no longer meet up fopr those casual meetings in darkened places, but I am still bound by that bondage of homosexuality and need to be set free. I am most mindful of that beautiful verse in John 8: 32, 36; “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” These are two verses of Scripture that I claim every day, I know that I know that I know, I shall be set free and set free indeed.
God bless.
Les
Press Release:
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
we were just informed that our dear friend Michael B. (Pastor Mike) passed away some time ago due to a brain tumor.
Michael B. was a member and moderator of the online-program of Homosexuals Anonymous. He was also the pastor of young Jason, whose tragic suicide inspired us to call our ex-gay ministry JASON - in memory of this incredible young man.
Also Mike was a close friend of mine and an inspiration to all of us.
I always used to call him "my hero" as he rose like Phoenix from the ashes. He had fallen deep and worked very hard to get up again. And he did. Very much so. He served as a minister in New Zealand and also as a moderator in Homosexuals Anonymous.
Mike didn't want me to call him "hero" because all the thanks should go to the Lord - but I continued to do so as he truly was a role model for me. Not only did he confess and repent of all of his sins in full honesty, he also turned his wound into a blessing for so many others. I always wanted to be like him.
But the thing that impressed me most was his big golden heart. He did not only tell the truth - he also had so much grace. Mike shared our pain, our sorrows and depressions, our desperation and sadness - but also our laughter and joy, our jokes and dreams about the future. He was always there to help and support us the best he could.
I remember when Jason killed himself and he was supposed to do the funeral. Mike was torn by grief for Jason and anger for those who caused his death. Yet he did not let the anger take control but acted like a true Christian.
When I wrote the letter to Jason's mom, he told me that this made her so very proud of her son. Never ever the thought crossed my mind that I would soon have to write a similar letter about him - and it tears me apart.
During the time Mike was with us, he already had that brain tumor without even knowing it. When he left, he begged me to stay in contact with him. I will never forget that last email and the mere thought of it makes tears rolling down my cheeks. I tried to contact him so many times, but the emails kept on coming back. Also the former senior brother of the online program didn't know what has happened. None of us would have ever thought that Mike might have died.
In his letter about Jason's suicide, Mike ended with the words:
"I have no doubt, that on that great and awesome day, the Lord will say, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter in.”"
I would like to end with exactly the same words about him. Well done, Mike, enter in.
The thought, however, that I will never be able to talk to him on earth breaks my heart. With tears dwelling in my eyes I say goodbye to you now, Mike.
I will never ever forget you and I can't wait to finally meet you in heaven some day and take you into my arms.
Mike, did you ever know that you're my hero?
Yes, you are and you will always be. You will live on in our ex-gay ministry which will remember you forever. Your love will live on in our hearts.
Mike, I will always love you - and thank you for bringing some light into our hearts.
You sure made this world a better place for us to live in.
Yours forever,
Robert Gollwitzer
Director of the Christian ex-gay ministry JASON and leader of the online-program of Homosexuals Anonymous
That is an email we got during the time Mike was obvioulsy in hospital and treated because of his tumor:
Hi,
My name is Tony,
Mike asked me to contact you to advise that he is unwell.
Mike insisted that I not tell you just what the problem is as he did not want to concern you. I am not a Christian but I understand your group is.
Well Mike needs your prayers as he has suffered a heart attack, this happened earlier last week. He is coming along just fine now, the hospital
suggests that he will be allowed to go home in the next few days that is another reason your prayers are needed as that will be adifficult time for
him.
I guess you are wondering how I managed to get your address, well simple really, I went into Mike's email messages and just replyed to the first one
that I saw. I am not sure what your group is about but I wish you all well in your endeavours.
Cheers.
Tony
Dear Robert,
I agree this email message likewise brought tears to my eyes. The good news is however, is that Tony gave his heart to Jesus shortly after Pastor Mike's funeral service. I maintain regular contact with Tony and be assurred that he is moving very strongly for the Lord.
I so often think of the times that Mike and I shared in ministry, the good and the not so good timees, which seemed to carry with it many ups and downs, but always a blessing to and from the Lord Jesus Christ.
I was blessed in that Mike and I came from the same situation and together we were able to minister to each other when the going got tough...likewise, we were able to praise almighty God together when we saw what might well have been a miracle, if not a miracle, most ceratinly a blessing from above.
Mike was the sort of guy who gave all of himself even when it was quite obvious that he was not long for this earth. This was indeed a very trying time for him as he knew what he wanted to do and indeed should do, but his bodily functions were such that he was constantly frustrated because he just could not function physically as he would have liked to.
To me, Pastor Mike was not only an amazing friend and a mighty man of God, he was also a fellow Pastor and one who would keep proding me to move strongly in His name even when things were not looking so bright. I am also pleased that Mike trusted me enough to pull him up when needed and also to encourage him to hold tight to the principles of faith, more so towards the end. Yes, Pastor Mike was a fellow Pastor and one whom I love very dearly indeed and always will.
It has fallen to me to carry on Mike's ministry as well as my own ministry. This is remarkedly difficult as there is just so much to do, however, as it says in Isaiah 40:31; "....those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." With such a mighty promise from the Lord as that, I too know that my Ministry is in good hands, His hands,
and again, thank you Jesus.
God bless.
Les
News from Les:
Recently, I was able to meet up again with JASON'S mother and give her an update of the JASON MINISTRY.She had tears in her eyes as she told me that it is with joy that she can now release her son to almighty God because she knows deep in her heart that it is not just Jason's memory that will last into the future, but the work that was started in the live and death of this
teenage boy he son, that will work well into the future,....a work that will set men free to the glory of His name.
Robert, I thought that I should mention this to you. I found it to be an incredible acknowledgment of the Lord Jesus Christ as He prepares to set free all of us who are prepared to call on His name.
In His name.
Les
Johannes 15 (LUT):
Das Gebot der Liebe
Marco
Now part of Marco’s last email. Marco was an 18 year old guy who was a member of the groups I am moderating. Three hours before he died he wrote this one to one of the groups he was in – a powerful testimony of love for the Lord and the need to pass it on (the email was sent to us by his pastor Les - the successor of Pastor Mike, who buried Jason and who meanwhile also died):
Dear Group,
I am most saddened to tell you that yesterday in London Marco succumbed to his illness and passed away at 11.47am (Saturday 25 June 2006).
Marco was suffering from Acute Myeloid Leukemia and during the past three months it got the better of him and sadly yesterday was his day of reckoning.
I would like to share with you a letter he sent to a chat group that he was involved with...it will certainly bring tears to one's eyes at the true humility of this an 18 year old young man. This blog was written approximately 3 hours before his death...it is truly amazing.
Marco is to be buried on Thursday of this coming week.
One thing I feel for sure is that he will be greeted with open arms by Jesus and told "Welcome home good and faithful servant."
God bless.
Pastor Les.
Current mood: relaxed
25 June 2006
My Dear Friends,
Well, Some how, I think that today is the day of reckoning for myself. I have been feeling quite unwell and have collapsed a few times now and am to be taken up to the hospital this morning. I dont believe that I will walk out from the hospital this time, and its not because I enjoy hospital food, may God bless them further in their attempts to service the nutritional needs of their patients.
I just know within myself that today is the day. I cannot explain it, but I just know that I know that I know.
And how do I feel about it? Surprisingly calm. I am very tired of fighting a battle that I knew I would not win, since leukemia was first re-diagnosed. Regrets I have none. Other perhaps, than once I am gone, who is going to pull those together who are going to feel sad and overcome with grief.
Again, please dont feel sad Im not. I feel relieved that the pain and uncertainty will finally be over.
Yes, there is one big regret and that I will never meet the boy of my eternal love, that pains me deeply as I long to just hold and kiss YOU with true passion and undying love. You know, its the uncertainty that is the biggest headache of all. Now seriously, would you want a pretty little face like mine to go on having headaches, I think not, hehehe.
More seriously though, as I said once before, the Lord gives and the Lord takes, blessed be the name of the Lord. Now who can argue with that? We all know that there is as season for every purpose under heaven, while my season is drawing to a close, and that is fair enough. I have had an interesting life, but one that has been totally sustained by almighty God, this I can see so clearly now. Yes there have been circumstances and situations that have happened during the past 18 years that I would prefer not to even consider again, however, everything that has happened has happened for a reason, and who am I to question the hand and mind of Jesus.
I do, however, thank Jesus for giving me the ability to discern the difference between right and wrong.
This has not been easy as, being a young man, hormones can quite easily dictate the course of events in ones life and yes, my hormones have been that active that I am sure they were often in training for the next Olympics. Hehehe, I might never realize my long term dream of swimming at the Olympics, but at least my hormones are giving it a real good shot. And there in lies the temptations, but I have never weakened and given into this temptation not because I have not wanted to, but I was hoping to save myself for that very special person in my life. I have found something out though, that the place to be when such temptations and thoughts rear the ugly head is on ones knees, and fight all night long If you have to, but I can assure you that you will come out victorious. Yes, there will be many more occasions that will test us, but stand firm and fight the good fight again, again and again. This to me is a true indication of a person who not only professes to be a Christian, but lives it in his/her entire life.
Please believe me, I have during recent months and I guess in all truthfulness tried to be a Christian, something I pushed to one side when I was 14 years of age, why, because it was just to hard at the time for me? Therefore, I am trying to give it my best shot now. May be I have left my run a bit late, I really dont know, I only know that I seem to have an immense peace about me and I attribute it to the presence of Jesus in my life. How the good Lord will or could accept me after what my life has been like, I truly dont know, all I can do is wait and see, but I some how think He will see that I am not really as I portray myself, but someone that might well brighten up the ranks of those in heaven if I manage to go up that far, I will do my best to have them all laughing, dancing and singing their hearts out, because that is just what I will be doing.
Why should death be a daunting experience? It is a time of rest before the Lord Jesus comes back to judge the living and the dead. Therefore, please let me encourage you to reach out in faith and embrace the risen Christ in fullness and truth and, in so doing, secure your place in eternity with Him. No greater joy could we ever experience than to be able to see the throne of grace and the radiance of Him who died for us on Calvary.
Please know that you will always remain in my heart. And, just because I will not be here to see what is going on, my friend Jesus most certainly will be. Therefore, please do all as unto Him.
I love you all so very deeply that this writing brings tears to my eyes. And yes, I must admit to being a little overcome with emotion as I sign off for the last time. Always remember that Jesus is the crowning glory in His Fathers crown and we too can become little jewels encrusted in that same crown. Therefore, please take you eyes of me, and place them firmly on the One who will say, Welldone, enter in good and faithful servant, enter in.
I only hope that is some small way my life has touched you and that you will in turn reach out in tenderness and love and touch someone else.
My love to you all extends through out the age and always remember that when you feel alone, just look at the sky and you see, the brightest star, which will comfort you and give light to your darkest night.
I LOVE YOU
Marco.
Nun ein Teil von Marcos letztem Email. Marco war ein 18-jähriger Junge und Mitglied in den Gruppen, die ich leite. Drei Stunden vor seinem Tod sandte er dieses Email an eine der Gruppen, in denen er war – ein mächtiges Zeugnis der Liebe zum Herrn und der Notwendigkeit, diese weiterzugeben (Das Email wurde uns von seinem Pastor geschickt):
Liebe Gruppe,
mit großer Traurigkeit teile ich euch mit, dass Marco gestern in London seiner Krankheit erlegen und um 11:47 verstorben ist.
Marco litt an Leukämie und in den letzten drei Monaten hat sich die Situation verschlimmert und gestern war dann der Tag, an dem der Herr ihn rief.
Ich möchte gerne einen Brief mit euch teilen, den er einer Online-Gruppe gesandt hat, mit der er in Kontakt war...es treibt einem sicher die Tränen in die Augen angesichts der aufrichtigen Demut dieses 18-jährigen Mannes. Dies schrieb er etwa drei Stunden vor seinem Tod – wirklich erstaulich.
Marco wird Donnerstag nächster Woche beerdigt.
Ich bin mir sicher, dass er von Jesus mit offenen Armen begrüßt und den Worten begrüßt wird: „Willkommen daheim, guter und treuer Diener.“
Gott segne euch.
Pastor Les.
Gegenwärtige Stimmung: entspannt.
25. Juni 2006
Meine lieben Freunde,
Nun, irgendwie glaube ich, heute ist der Tag der Abrechnung für mich gekommen. Ich habe mich den ganzen Tag schlecht gefühlt und bin einige Male zusammen gebrochen und soll heute Morgen wieder ins Krankenhaus gebracht werden. Ich glaube nicht, dass ich dieses Mal wieder aus dem Krankenhaus herauskommen werde, und das bestimmt nicht, weil mir das Krankenhausessen so gut schmeckt – Gott segne sie in ihren weiteren Versuchen, die Nahrungsbedürfnisse ihrer Patienten zu befriedigen.
Ich weiß einfach tief in mir drin, dass heute der Tag gekommen ist. Ich kann es nicht erklären, ich weiß einfach, dass ich es weiß.
Wie ich mich dabei fühle? Überraschend ruhig. Ich bin es leid, einen Kampf zu kämpfen, den ich nicht gewinnen kann, da man wieder Leukämie diagnostiziert hat. Ich bedaure nichts. Außer vielleicht, dass – wenn ich einmal gegangen bin – wer wird denen beistehen, die traurig sind und vom Schmerz übermannt werden. Noch mal: bitte seid nicht traurig – ich bin es auch nicht. Ich bin erleichtert, dass der Schmerz und die Unsicherheit endlich vorbei sind.
(...)
Was noch wichtiger ist als das, was ich gerade gesagt habe, ist, dass der Herr gibt und nimmt – gesegnet sei Sein Name. Wer kann da etwas dagegen sagen? Wir alle wissen, dass für uns alle einmal die Zeit gekommen ist. Meine Zeit geht zu ende, und dass ist schon in Ordnung so. Ich hatte ein interessantes Leben, aber ein Leben, das völlig vom allmächtigen Gott getragen wurde – dessen bin ich mir nun völlig klar. Ja, es gab im Lauf der letzten 18 Jahre Umstände und Situationen, auf die ich lieber nicht mehr eingehen möchte. Jedoch ist alles, was geschehen ist, aus einem Grund geschehen – und wer bin ich, dass ich die Hand und die Gedanken von Jesus in Frage stelle.
Ich danke Jesus jedoch, dass er mir die Fähigkeit gab, zwischen richtig und falsch zu unterscheiden. Das war nicht leicht, da bei einem jungen Mann leicht die Hormone den Lauf der Dinge im Leben diktieren – und ja, meine Hormone waren aktiv genug, dass ich mir sicher bin, sie haben für die nächsten Olympischen Spiele trainiert. Hihihi, ich werde wohl nie meinen Traum verwirklichen können, einmal bei den Olympischen Spielen schwimmen zu können, aber wenigstens kommen meine Hormone da nahe dran. Und da liegt auch die Versuchung, aber ich bin nie schwach geworden und ich habe nie dieser Versuchung nach gegeben. Nicht, weil ich das nicht wollte, sondern ich hoffte, mich für den ganz besonderen Menschen in meinem Leben aufzuheben. Ich habe aber etwas heraus gefunden, dass der Ort, an dem man sein sollte, wenn solche Versuchungen ihr hässliches Gesicht zeigen, auf seinen Knien ist. Wenn es sein muss, kämpfe die ganze Nacht lang, aber ich kann dir versichern, dass du siegreich sein wirst. Ja, wir werden viele male versucht werden, bleibe aber stark und kämpfe den guten Kampf immer und immer wieder. Das ist in meinen Augen ein wirkliches Anzeichen dafür, ob jemand sein ganzes Leben lang wirklich ein Christ oder eine Christin ist oder nur so tut als ob.
Bitte glaubt mir, ich habe in den letzten Monaten aufrichtig versucht ein Christ zu sein – etwas, das ich auf die Seite geschoben hatte, als ich 14 Jahre alt war, weil es damals einfach zu hart für mich war. Deshalb versuche ich jetzt mein Bestes zu geben. Vielleicht habe ich damit ein wenig spät angefangen, ich weiß es wirklich nicht, ich weiß nur, dass ich einen ungeheuren Frieden um mich herum zu haben scheine und das schreibe ich der Gegenwart Jesu in meinem Leben zu. Ich weiß wirklich nicht, wie der Herr mich annehmen kann oder wird nach all dem, was in meinem Leben war. Ich kann nur abwarten, aber irgendwie denke ich, Er wird sehen, dass ich nicht wirklich so bin, wie ich mich selbst beschreibe, sondern jemand, der vielleicht die Reihen der im Himmel heller scheinen lassen könnte. Wenn ich so weit komme, werde ich mein Bestes tun, um sie alle dazu zu bringen, aus vollem Herzen zu lachen, tanzen und singen, weil das genau das ist, was ich tun werde.
Warum sollte der Tod eine entmutigende Erfahrung sein? Es ist eine Zeit des Ausruhens, bevor Jesus zurück kommt, um über die Lebenden und die Toten zu richten. Deshalb lasst mich euch ermutigen, voll und ganz im Glauben und in der Wahrheit auf den auferstandenen Christus zuzugehen und euch so euren Platz in der Ewigkeit bei Ihm zu sichern.
Man könnte keine größere Freude erfahren, als in der Lage zu sein, den Thron der Gnade und des strahlenden Glanzes von Ihm sehen zu können, der für uns am Ölberg starb.
Bitte denkt daran, dass ihr immer in meinem Herzen bleiben werdet. Auch wenn ich nicht da sein werde, um zu sehen, was bei euch so los ist, mein Freund Jesus wird ganz bestimmt da sein. Deshalb tut alles so, als wenn ihr es Ihm selbst antut.
Ich liebe euch so tiefgehend, dass mir die Tränen kommen, wenn ich dies schreibe. Ja, ich muss zugeben, dass mich die Gefühle etwas übermannen, wenn ich mich jetzt zum letzten Mal abmelde. Denkt immer daran, dass Jesus der krönende Ruhm seines Vaters Krone ist und auch wir kleine Juwelen werden können, die ihren Platz in dieser Krone haben. Schaut deshalb nicht mehr zu mir hin, sondern fest auf den, der sagen wird, gut gemacht, tritt herein, guter und treuer Diener, tritt herein.
Ich hoffe nur, dass mein Leben euch irgendwie berührt hat und dass ihr umgekehrt mit Zärtlichkeit und Liebe auf jemand anderen zugeht und ihn berührt.
Meine Liebe zu euch geht über alle Grenzen hinweg und denkt immer daran: wenn ihr euch einmal alleine fühlt, schaut einfach hinauf zum Himmel und blickt auf den hellsten Stern, der euch trösten wird und euch in der tiefsten Nacht Licht spenden wird.
ICH LIEBE EUCH
Marco.
"When you feel alone, just look at the sky and you see, the brightest star; which will comfort you and give light to your darkest night."
Les Andrews
Open Letter
With deep sadness I heard the news that our dear member and brother in Christ, Rev. Les Andrews passed away due to Leukemia.
Les was the one who once brought us the news about pastor Mike's death. Mike was a dear friend of mine and ministered to young Jason, after whom we called the JASON ministries.
He was a close friend of Mike and took over his ministry in New Zealand. Les helped building up a church for those who feel or are rejected by other churches. He worked for youth and kids that are usually referred to as "problem children". He was there for everybody and never cared about his personal situation.
Not so long ago, he was beaten down on his way to church by people who thought he was a man who wants to have sex with other men in the local park. He was unconscious for quite some time and seriously wounded. That did not stop him. Les kept on ministering to others wherever he could. He loved everybody with the same unconditional love Jesus loves us.
Les helped building up the JASON ministries in the Pacific area and even in Africa. He preached to the church Jason went to before he died. He had an online group there and also a local chapter. Les loved those guys with unwanted same-sex attraction like only somebody can love who has a deep love for the Lord in his heart.
I feel so blessed that the Lord granted me this man in my life. Les was a very good friend of mine and I miss him so much.
So very much.
Good-bye, my friend.
See you in heaven.
Robert
Here is the letter I got from his pastor buddy, Peter.
Dear Sir, Dr. Andrews asked me, that in the event of anything untoward happening to himself that I notify you as soon as possible... It is with the most sincere regret, that I must inform you that Dr. Andrews passed away this morning at 9.01am New Zealand time. Dr. Andrews has been in an acute stage of myaloid leukemia for some months, and regardless of the seriousness of his condition, he ministered the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ to the many people that he was called to minister to. I make mention here, that as recent as last night he refused to be admitted to hospital until after he had preached what sadly was to be his last sermon. I sat in total amazement at the courage and fire that Dr. Andrews produced during that sermon. I do not know how he could have presented the Word of God given the seriousness of his condition. After the service , he agreed to be admitted to hospital where he passed away. To me as a supporter of this man of God, I can say without hesitation, that Dr. Andrews was one of those few men that was able to hold firmly the courage of his convictions right through to the end. Given Dr. Andrews connection with your Group, I have come to understand that same sex attractions are in no way easy to cope with. This was an ongoing battle with Dr. Andrews, and yet, to his credit, and to the glory of almighty God, he in no way transgressed in this way for a number of years . All glory must here go to Jesus Christ. It had been my privilage to stand alongside Dr. Andrews on mostly a weekly basis and to see this man go from strength to strength in his ministry. Personally, I consider that the workload that Dr. Andrews was responsible for was far to great an undertaking for any one man....still, he would not let go...such was his love for almighty God and his fellow man. Funeral details have at this time not been completed, however, it is expected that a final farewell to Dr. Andrews will take place on Saturday the 23 December 2006. The reason for such a hasty farewell is because of Christmas tide and the fact that it is at this time of the year, New Zealand goes into holiday mode. I will keep you informed as more information comes to hand. In conclusion, I wish to state that Dr. Andrews was not only an amazing man, but an incredible worker for the Lord. Likewise, his love for his fellow man was such that he could not say "NO" regardless of his failing health. To me, Dr. Andrews will always be remembered as a mighty man of God, a man that almighty God Himself could and did trust with tasks that not too many others could have contended with and seen through to the glory of His name. God bless. Pastor Peter
As requested by Dr. Andrews, I now send you a copy of his last letter written only yesterday morning.
God bless.
Pastor Peter.
Dear Friends,
Greetings in the precious name of Jesus.
As I write this lketter, I am mindful that my time on earth is all but over. Am I sad about this, well yes and no. Yes that I will be leaving some beautiful friends behind, but, no because I will be at last be at rest awaiting that great and wonderful time when Jesus will come and reign judgement on all mankind.
When I look back on my life, I am saddened that I have made so many many mistakes. But I do no with all conviction, that almighty God has forgiven me and set me free as He promised so clearly in John 8:32,36. And, I know that I am set free to worship and glorify His name. That has been the most wonderful thing that I could ever have been given the perivilage of doing, worshipping the Master. I remain eternally grateful that Jesus saw fit to do a work of grace in my heart and change me from sinner to that which is righteousness in Jesus Christ. I feel so privilaged to have to know Jesus in such a personal manner. He is all to me and I can say with no hesitation, that if it were not for Jesus having been on the throne of my life, I am sure that I would never have been able to be a productive witness for His name.
So I have leukemia. And, just because I have leukemia it does not mean that I must stop working for the Lord. I am an ordained minister of the Gospel and till my dying breath, I will do just that, minister his love to all mankind….that I believe is in keeping with Matthew 28 in reference to the Great Commission. We are all called to step out of our comfort zone and cross into that area that so often brings abuse, acuse and even persecution. Accept it all knowing that Jesus suffered considerably more than we will ever suffer. Jesus unlike you and I was innocent of all that was levelled against Him, and He was the Son of God. What an awesom privilage it is to be called to minister His name in fullness and truth.
I could go on here for some considerable time (perhaps a weakness in character haha), but I will resist the temptation to do so. I will end by saying that it has been a wonderful privilage and pleasure to know such wonderful men. Thank you one and all for your love and support during the years I have been with HA. I love you all from the very depth of my being.
Please don’t be sad that I wilol not be with you, rather, be glad that we all know that love of Jesus and the grace that hHe extended to us all. Please allow be in spirit to remain at the foot of His cross and see wonderful things happen in His name.
God bless you all.
Together we walk with the Father.
Dr. Les.
Les, we will always love you!
News
News from New Zealand (August 24th, 2007):
Dear Robert,
It has taken a considerable time to find out how to contact you..praise almighty God, I haver at last been able to do so.
This might well come as a surprise to you, but, I knew Jason, Pastor Mike and Pastor Les well. Jason I was introduced to by Pastor Mike. when things were not going so well for him. Pastor's Mike and Les well, I was there confident to the best of my limited ability.
I knew both Pastor's for many years and can only state what I believe to be so true of them both and that is that they were wonderful men of God and
a credit to the ministry here in New Zealand and abroad.
I am not sure how I can be of assistance to HA, but this I have done in keeping with Pastor Les' request and that is I have kept in contact with members of HA in the South Pacific Islands and will with your permission continue to do so. In fact, there are now 11 members in the Islands and 4 in New Zealand. I myself and not homosexual, however, I believe in what your principles are and stand for.
If it is your wish for me to continue to minister to this men in both New Zealand and the South Pacific Islands, then I would consider it a privilage to do so. I have seen incredible growth in these men as they have embrassed the truth being Jesus and totally surrendered at the foot of the cross.
To me, this is why in the main they remain free from the bondage of homosexuality.
I apologise for the time delay in contacting you, but, I did not have contact details...it was only by chance that I came across your website and
have contacted you accordingly.
If you wish to contact me back that would be wondeful.
In His name ..
Pastor Peter.
Dear Robert,
Greetings from New Zealand.
I see no problems in puting phone number online for others who m ight be in need.
Therefore my direct number is 0064.3.9811.539
That number is direct from whereever in tne world , so please feel free to add it accordingly.
Love in His name.
Pastor Peter.
Prison Ministry
After having been on the "INSIDE" so to speak, I can speak with a certain amount of authority when it comes to understanding the NATURE OF MAN.
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” If this were our goal, I am sure that many a person would not end up incarcerated, rather, they would have been encouraged to accept Jesus into their hearts...let’s try to do that.
I also ask that you prayerfully consider those that minister to our dear brothers and sisters on the INSIDE.
