JASON
Christian Ex-Gay Ministry
News
Voraussichtlich 20109 wird es das Arbeitsbuch von Homosexuals Anonymous auch auf deutsch geben!!
News
Voraussichtlich 20109 wird es das Arbeitsbuch von Homosexuals Anonymous auch auf deutsch geben!!
Schritt 1
Hier nun eine deutsche Zusammenfassung der einzelnen Schritte von Homosexuals Anonymous - beginnend mit Schritt 1:
"Wir haben zugegeben, dass wir machtlos unserer Homosexualität gegenüber waren und dass unser Gefühlsleben außer Kontrolle geraten ist"
EINFÜHRUNG:
Was hat es mit diesen 14 Schritten auf sich?
Diese 14 Schritte sind ein Selbsthilfe-Programm. Sie wurden von Betroffenen für Betroffene verfasst und haben sich seit vielen Jahren international bewährt. Die 14 Schritte bauten ursrpünglich teilweise auf den 12-Schritte-Programmen auf, wurden aber ergänzt um Fragen der Identität, des Glaubens und vieler anderer Bereiche, die besonders auf die Situation von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen zutreffen (wobei sie nicht nur den sexuellen Teil unserer Identität behandeln, sondern in sämtlichen Gebieten uneres Lebens angewendet werden können). Sie bauten ferner auf Erfahrungen von Betroffenen auf. Die 14 Schritte sollen dir dabei helfen, dein gebrochenes Verhältnis zu Gott wiederherzustellen, ebenso deine Identität zu finden, gebrochene Bezihungen zu anderen Menschen wenn möglich wieder zu kitten, gesunde Beziehungen mit anderen Menschen herzustellen, deine Vergangenheit sowie dein Innenleben zu untersuchen und vieles mehr.
Diese 14 Schritte sind ein Selbsthilfe-Programm. Sie wurden von Betroffenen für Betroffene verfasst und haben sich seit vielen Jahren international bewährt. Die 14 Schritte bauten ursrpünglich teilweise auf den 12-Schritte-Programmen auf, wurden aber ergänzt um Fragen der Identität, des Glaubens und vieler anderer Bereiche, die besonders auf die Situation von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen zutreffen (wobei sie nicht nur den sexuellen Teil unserer Identität behandeln, sondern in sämtlichen Gebieten uneres Lebens angewendet werden können). Sie bauten ferner auf Erfahrungen von Betroffenen auf. Die 14 Schritte sollen dir dabei helfen, dein gebrochenes Verhältnis zu Gott wiederherzustellen, ebenso deine Identität zu finden, gebrochene Bezihungen zu anderen Menschen wenn möglich wieder zu kitten, gesunde Beziehungen mit anderen Menschen herzustellen, deine Vergangenheit sowie dein Innenleben zu untersuchen und vieles mehr.
Der Weg, den Menschen beschreiten wollen, die zu uns kommen, kann ein langer Weg sein. Diesen Weg sind vor dir schon viele andere gegangen und haben dokumentiert, was ihnen dabei am meisten geholfen hat bzw. wie sich ihre Entwicklung vollzogen hat. Wenn irgendwie möglich, solltest du diese Schritte auch zusammen mit Gleichgesinnten durcharbeiten.
Anzumerken sei auch, dass die 14 Schritte keineswegs den Anspruch erheben, das einzig wahre Programm zu sein. Wir sehen uns solidarisch mit anderen christlichen Organisationen und Privatmenschen, die ebefalls in dieser Richtung arbeiten. Wir sind keine Konkurrenz, sondern ehen uns als Ergänzung - afbauend auf unseren gemeinsamen christlichen Glauben und dem gemeinsamen Ziel.
Los geht's (das Ganze wie gesagt nur in kurzen Auszügen!):
Wie lange haben wir unser Verhalten verteidigt und geleugnet, dass irgendetwas falsch daran ist?
Wir hatten Ausreden wie:
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Wir haben ja nur ab und zu Sex.
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Wir haben ja gar keinen "richtigen" Sex (sondern etwa nur gegenseitige Masturbation)
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Ich "spiele nur rum" - ohne Orgasmus.
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Ich tue ja niemanden weh.
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Es ist ja nur Liebe.
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Ich habe überhaupt keinen Sex (sondern masturbiere nur mit Pornos).
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usw.
Wir wollten aufhören. Keine Chance. Wir wollten es nicht mehr so oft tun. Wieder nichts. Wir konnten weder unser Verhalten noch unser Gefühlseben unter Kontrolle bringen. Schließlich fühlten wir uns schuldig, beschämt, verschreckt, hoffnungslos, verbittert, deprimiert, verzweifelt, einsam - und unser Selbstwertgefühl war am Boden.
Wir mussten der Wahrheit ins Gesicht sehen. Wir konnten unseren eigenen Schmerz und den Schmerz, den wir anderen zugefügt haben, nicht mehr ignorieren.
Unser Eingeständnis der Versklavung aber hat uns auf den Weg zur Freiheit gebracht!
Kommen wir zur gottgewollten Sexualität - zu finden in Genesis 2:24: Sexualität ist nur im Rahmen einer monogamen Ehe zwischen Mann und Frau möglich. Sie ergänzen einander, sie werden ein Fleisch - und zusammen zeugen sie neues Leben! "Ein Fleisch werden" - eine wundervolle Umschreibung auch für die menschliche Sexualität!
In Levitikus 18:22-24 wird Sex zwischen zwei Männern als ein Gräuel in den Augen Gottes bezeichnet. Das hat viele unter uns geärgert - als wenn der eigene Papa einem erzählt, man könne diese Hose nicht anziehen - ganz einfach weil es ihm nicht passt.
Gott hingegen liebt uns. Wenn er uns sagt, wir sollen nicht in eine bestimmte Richtung gehen, dann nur, weil Er genau um die schlimmen körperlichen, emotionalen und spirituellen Konsequenzen dieses Wegs Bescheid weiß!
Und so drängt uns unser Vater liebevoll, nicht den Versuchungen nachzugeben, sondern zu kämpfen. Er verspricht Freiheit denen, die an Ihn glauben.
Wir sind auch nicht die große Ausnahme: Alle haben gesündigt (Römer 1:32) und wir sitzen alle im selben Boot! Gott hat uns dies gezeigt, damit uns klar wird, wie sehr wir der Vergebung und der Freiheit, für die Christus gestorben ist, bedürfen!
Manchmal sucht uns Gott, indem Er uns unseren eigenen Weg gehen lässt, damit wir von den damit verbundenen Konsequenzen lernen und die Nutzlosigkeit eines Lebens ohne Ihn erkennen. Und schließlich zu Ihm zurückkehren.
Die Regeln, die Gott uns gegeben hat, dienen letztendlich dazu, uns zu einem besseren und glücklicheren Leben zu verhelfen.
Sieh' dir doch mal an, wo du jetzt bist - und wo deine früheren homosexuellen Freunde sind. Willst du wirklich auch dort sein? Wohl kaum. Genauso wie ein Auto irgendwann kaputt geht, wenn man sich nicht an die Gebrauchsanweisung hält, geht ein Mensch kaputt, der sich nicht an das Wort Gottes hält.
"Nun, Jack," sagte jemand, dessen Freund kürzlich ein Christ geworden ist, "ich habe gehört, du hast alles aufgegeben, was dir früher Spaß gemacht hat." "Nein, nein" sagte Jack, "es ist genau anders herum. Ich habe jetzt erst das gefunden, was mir wirklich Spaß und Freude macht - und dafür meine Verrücktheiten aufgegeben."
"Wir können nur glücklich sein, wenn wir nicht glauben, dass das Ziel des Lebens Glücklichsein ist." (George Orwell)
Wir dürfen nicht Gott die Schuld für unsere homosexuellen Versuchungen geben. Wir dürfen nicht die Faust gen Himmel recken und rufen: "Warum hast du mich so gemacht?" Gott hat uns NICHT so gemacht! Das Problem haben wir schon selbst zu verantworten. Es kommt aus uns selbst - als Resultat einer zerbrochenen Beziehung zu unserem gleichgeschlechtlichen Elternteil und unserer Loslösung vom eigenen Geschlecht zum Selbstschutz.
Sünden können wir aber alleine - ohne Gottes Hilfe - nicht überwinden. Wir müssen erkennen, dass wir selbst unserem Problem macht- und hilflos gegenüberstehen.
WIR sind unser schlimmster Feind.
Drei Dinge, an denen wir festhalten müssen, wenn wir Paulus' Sicht teilen wollen:
1) Zur Gande gehört immer auch die Initiative - und Gnade bewirkt die Veränderung.
2) Zur Gnade gehört immer auch der Sieg: Gnade ist unendliche Macht.
3) Gnade wirkt in einem Prozess und zeigt sich in einem Konflikt (zwischen der heiligenden Wirkung des Heiligen Geistes und unserer Unvollkommenheit).
Wir werden die Früchte des Fleisches nie abschütteln können. Wir werden immer auch das tun, was wir eigentlich gar nicht tun wollen. Der Heilige Geist arbeitet aber in dir und hält dich davon ab. Das Ergebnis: eine Mischung von Gut und Böse.
Unsere eigene Machtlosigkeit zuzugeben, erfüllte viele von uns mit Schrecken. Würde das nicht dem Chaos in unserem Leben Tür und Tor öffnen? Wer sollte die Kontrolle übernehmen wenn nicht wir selbst? Machtlosigkeit einzugestehen bedeutete, dass sich viele unter uns wie Idioten und Versager vorkamen - und viele von uns haben Jahre mit dem Versuch verbracht, stark zu werden, um ihre Minderwertigkeitskomplexe damit kompensieren zu können.
Machtlosigkeit zuzugeben, bedeutete, dass wir darauf vertrauen mussten, dass andere uns helfen. Dieses Vertrauen fiel vielen aber aufgrund der Verletzungen in ihrer Kindheit sehr schwer.
Machtlosigkeit zuzugeben hieß unser Bedürfnis nach Gott zuzugeben - und viele von uns wollten Ihn nicht in ihrem leben. Und so machten wir mit unserem sinnlosen Kämpfen weiter.
Wir haben nicht die Fähigkeit, die geringste von Gottes Aufgaben zu erfüllen. Das ist ein Gesetz der Gnade. Wenn wir erkennen, dass es unmöglich für uns ist, eine Pflicht aus eigener Stärke zu erfüllen, werden wir das Geheimnis ihrer Erfüllung erkennen.
"Wir lügen am lautesten, wenn wir uns selbst anlügen." (Eric Hoffer)
Wir sind die Reben, die lebensnotwendig mit dem Weinstock verbunden sind. So wie das Leben des Weinstocks natürlich in die Reben fließt, fließt das Leben von Jesus natürlich in uns. Wir sind in unserer Verbindung mit Christus aber nicht passiv. Jesus sagte uns, in Ihm zu bleiben. Wir sollten deshalb auf jegliches Vertrauen in unsere eigene Weisheit verzichten - ebenso auf unsere Macht und unseren eigenen Verdienst. Stattdessen sollen wir nur auf Christus blicken, wenn wir ein christliches Leben führen wollen. Dies wird dadurch so erfolgreich, weil wir in Ihm sind. Wir können an Seinem Leben Anteil nehmen!
"Wir lügen am lautesten, wenn wir uns selbst anlügen." (Eric Hoffer)
Wir sind die Reben, die lebensnotwendig mit dem Weinstock verbunden sind. So wie das Leben des Weinstocks natürlich in die Reben fließt, fließt das Leben von Jesus natürlich in uns. Wir sind in unserer Verbindung mit Christus aber nicht passiv. Jesus sagte uns, in Ihm zu bleiben. Wir sollten deshalb auf jegliches Vertrauen in unsere eigene Weisheit verzichten - ebenso auf unsere Macht und unseren eigenen Verdienst. Stattdessen sollen wir nur auf Christus blicken, wenn wir ein christliches Leben führen wollen. Dies wird dadurch so erfolgreich, weil wir in Ihm sind. Wir können an Seinem Leben Anteil nehmen!
Einige von uns waren verwirrt, weil wir uns entschlossen hatten, lieber auf Schwule und Lesben zu hören als auf Gott. Eine Zeitlang schien auch alles in Ordnung. Dann überwältigte uns der Schmerz, der unvermeidlich folgt, wenn man Gottes Willen zuwider handelt. Irgendwann wurde der Schmerz so groß, dass wir uns entschlossen haben, zurück zum Vater zu kehren.
Während es Menschen gibt, vor denen die Bibel uns warnt, gibt es andere, wo uns die Bibel ausdrücklich ermutigt, ihnen Beachtung zu schenken. Viele von uns waren zu stolz oder zu ängstlich, um Hilfe von außen zu suchen und haben so still vor sich hin gelitten, bis wir schließlich völlig verzweifelt unsere Ängste überwunden, unseren Stolz hinunter geschluckt und uns an die gewandt haben, die göttliche Hilfe anbieten konnten.
Selbst wenn Menschen aber die Wahrheit lehren, können sie uns nicht die Stärke geben, sie auch zu praktizieren. Der Heilige Geist muss uns die Kraft geben, wenn wir die Wahrheit leben wollen. Wir sollten von anderen lernen - uns dabei aber fest auf Gott stützen!
"Der Sünder denkt, die Sünde sei sein Werkzeug, aber er selbst ist das Werkzeug der Sünde. Die Sünde gewinnt die Oberhand über seine Gefühle und seinen Willen, und wenn man merkt, wie einen die Ketten wund reiben und dann versucht, sie zu durchbrechen, wird einem die furchtbare Tyrannei bewusst." (George Reith)
"Knechtschaft degradiert die Menschen, bis sie schließlich Gefallen an ihr finden." (Luc de Clapiers).
"Der Sohn Gottes befreit alle, die an Ihn glauben, indem er das Gewissen von der Schuld befreit und den Willen von der Macht der Sünde... Jesus hat uns durch Seine Verdienste einen Platz im Haus des Vaters verschafft. Durch den heiligen Geist haben wir auch Sein Herz in uns. Vertrauen in Gott, Freude, Sicherheit und - durch die Liebe - Erlösung von der Macht der Sünde - all dies folgt dem doppelten Wirken von Christus für und in uns." (George Reith)
"Der Sohn befreit dich (Vers 36), also vertraue und folge Ihm. Seine Wahrheit macht dich frei (Vers 32), also lies sie und glaube an sie. Satan zwingt dir Sklaverei auf, die wie Freiheit aussieht (" Petrus 2:19); Jesus gibt dir ein Joch, das dich befreien wird (Matthäus 11:28-30)" (Warren W. Wiersbe)
Heilung ist eine "Erfahrung des Verändert-Werdens durch einen liebevollen und unterstützenden Gott, der weiß, was wir brauchen und uns durch unseren Schmerz hilft, damit wir unsere Selbstsucht erkennen und aufgeben - Ihm übergeben (...) Manchmal werden wir voll Begeisterung und Freude Zeuge unserer Veränderung. Dann werden wir wieder vom Schmerz und der Entmutigung übermannt, weil die Veränderung so lange dauert - aber die Furcht vor einem solchen Schmerz wird immer geringer. Im Gegensatz dazu wächst das Vertrauen über das Licht am Ende des Tunnels - einer Welt, wo wir es besser haben und näher an Gott sein werden.
In all dem sollen wir uns Freunde suchen, die uns begleiten.
Gott hat eine persönliche Isolation nicht vorgesehen. Wir sind:
- "Reben" des Weinstocks
- "Glieder" des Körpers
- "Steine" des Tempels
- "Brüder und Schwestern" in der Familie
(D.L. Moody)
Dr. Earl Henslin warnt, "Wir sind nicht dafür gemacht, die Therapie alleine zu machen. Aber genau für die Christen unter uns ist es eine besondere Versuchung, alles zu tun, was wir können, um unsere Probleme für uns selbst zu behalten. Oft sagen Christen, "Jesus ist meine Selbsthilfegruppe. Ich teile meine Probleme mit Ihm." Unsere Probleme mit Jesus zu teilen, ist ein guter erster Schritt (...) aber es ist auch wichtig, dass wir die Wirklichkeit von Jesu' Sorge um uns durch Beziehungen mit anderen Menschen erfahren, die mit ähnlichen Angelegenheiten kämpfen. Genauso wie sich Jesus an Seinen himmlischen Vater und Seine Freunde wandte, als er im Garten Gethsemane war, so müssen auch wir uns an Gott und andere wenden."
Er stellt fest, "(...) Die vorrangige Art ud Weise, wie Heilung und Veränderung vor sich gehen, ist im Rahmen einer Selbsthilfegruppe (...)" "(...) Ich meine nicht nur ab und zu mal daran teilzunehmen. Ich meine (...) wöchentlich daran teilzunehmen. Das ist ein furchteinflößender Schritt. Manche werden das Treffen einer Selbsthilfegruppe besuchen, irgend etwas daran falsch finden und daraufhin alle Selbsthilfegruppen abschreiben (...) Man findet es leichter, die Mängel in einer Selbsthilfegruppe zu finden, als sich durch den Schmerz zu arbeiten und die Mängel in seinem eigenen Leben zu entdecken."
Die Therapie ist keine bequeme Erfahrung. Manchmal braucht es den "Dorn im Fleisch" - Selbsthilfegruppen oder Therapeuten, die einen immer wieder zur Therapie ermuntern und davon abhalten, in alte Denk- und Verhaltensmuster zurückzufallen.
Jeffrey Keefe, der in klinischer Psychologie an der Fordham Universität promoviert hat, sagte: "Meinem Urteil nach bietet Homosexuals Anonymous das effektivste Programm, weil es die so sehr benötigte Unterstützung durch die Gruppe bietet, die ihrerseits die Selbstannahme und den Einblick in das eigene Innenleben fördert - mit der spirituellen Dimension, die für jede radikale Veränderung nötig ist. Individuelle Therapie mag zur Ergänzung noch zusätzlich nötig sein."
Dr. Arnold Washton und Donna Boundy schreiben: "... Die vier Charakteristika einer Sucht sind: (I) Besessenheit, (II) negative Konsequenzen, (III) ein Mangel an Kontrolle und (IV) Leugnung "(1) dass die Aktivität ein Problem ist, das sie nicht kontrollieren können und (2) dass die negativen Konsequenzen irgendeine Verbindung zu der Aktivität haben"
"Die Weigerung, anzuerkennen, dass die Dinge außer Kontrolle geraten sind nennt man Leugnen. Leugnen ist nicht dasselbe wie Lügen, denn beim Leugnen glaubt der Betroffene an seine eigene verzerrte Wahrnehmung der Realität." (Abraham Twerski). Und weiter: "Hier ist eine Faustregel: Wenn etwas ein Problem verursacht, ist es ein Problem. Wenn man so tut als wenn es nicht existiert, wird das Problem weiter fortbestehen."
"Hast du jemals beobachtet, wie Babys ihre Hände vor das Gesicht halten, um sich vor dir zu verstecken? Kinder denken, dass wenn sie dich nicht sehen, du sie auch nicht sehen kannst ... Wie andere Formen kindlichen Denkens bleibt dies oft bis ins Erwachsenenalter bestehen. Manche Menschen denken, wenn sie etwas vergessen, existiert es ganz einfach nicht." (Abraham Twerski)
"Ich hatte immer Angst, meine Hilfosigkeit der Homosexualität gegenüber zuzugeben, weil ich dachte, wenn ich das tue, würde das heißen, dass der Kampf hoffnungslos sei. Wenn ich meine Homosexualität nicht unter Kontrolle bringen konnte, so dachte ich, sie wäre für immer außer Kontrolle.
"Aber was ist mit Gott?" fragst du vielleicht. "Könntest du dich nicht an Ihn wenden und Ihn um Gnade bitten wenn du in Not bist?" Ich hab's versucht. Ich habe Christus angenommen, gebetet, meine Bibel gelesen, gefastet, die Fülle des Heiligen Geistes gesucht, habe mich in christliche Arbeit geschmissen, bin in eine Bibelschule gegangen, habe geheiratet - ich hab's wirklich versucht, aber es gab keine Erlösung von der Lust, der Masturbation - und unter Stress habe ich dann angefangen, Sexkontakte zu suchen. Und als ich einmal angefangen habe, gab es kein Aufhören mehr.
Als einmal einer Der Männer, mit denen ich Kontakt hatte, mich bedrohte, es anderen zu erzählen, beschloss ich, all meinen Mut zusammen zu nehmen, Gott mit meinem ganzen Herzen zu suchen und aufzuhören. Mit der Homosexualität weiterzumachen, würde bedeuten, mein Ansehen auf's Spiel zu setzen, meinen Job, meine Familie und auch meine Gesundheit! Aber trotz meiner Entschlüsse und Gebete, habe ich mit genau derselben Person nach zwei Wochen wieder weiter gemacht! Bei einer anderen Gelegenheit sah ich ein Bild eines Mannes, mit dem ich noch ein Jahr, nachdem er aus meinem Leben verschwunden war, Sex hatte - und bekam einen Weinkrampf, so sehr hatte ich Sehnsucht - Sehnsucht nach Liebe, aber auch eine Sehnsucht, die mit unerlaubtem Sex vermischt war.
Und so hatte ich das Gefühl, Gott würde mir nicht helfen. Ich war sicher, Er hatte die Nase voll von mir - und wenn ich mir nicht selbst helfen könnte, gäbe es keine Hilfe.
Natürlich lag ich da falsch. Das Problem war nicht Gott. Meine Sünde hat Seine Liebe zu mir nicht weniger werden lassen. Meine Schuld war nicht zu groß für Jeu' Blut und Gerechtigkeit. Ich hatte recht, mich an Ihn zu wenden - aber ich hatte die falschen Erwartungen an Ihn.
Ich dachte, Gott würde mich auf einen Schlag heilen. Er hingegen wartete darauf, mich im Lauf der Zeit zu heilen. Das geschah nicht, um mich zu quälen, sondern um mich zu lehren - mich dazu zu befähigen, Lektionen über Gott, mich selbst und andere zu lernen, die mich ungeheuer bereicherten.
Ich dachte, Gott würde mich ganz alleine heilen - ohne dass dabei irgendjemand anderes im Spiel war. Er aber wollte mich durch Seine Kinder heilen. Mein Problem war ein Beziehungsproblem. Es ist ein Ergebnis meines Rückzugs von Papa - und später auch von anderen Menschen. Und die Lösung des Problems liegt auch in Beziehungen. Ich muss lernen, auf andere zuzugehen.
Ich forderte ein Wunder. Gott aber wollte Mittel verwenden - Mittel, die den Hunger nach Liebe füllen würden, der noch von meiner Kindheit übrig war, in der ich keine Beziehung zu meinem Vater herstellen konnte.
Machtlosigkeit zuzugeben ist natürlich nichts, was man einmal für alle Zeit tut. Es ist eine tägliche Entscheidung - auf Gott zuzugehen und ebenso auf andere Menschen, wenn man einsam, verängstigt, gestresst, verletzt und in Not ist. Wenn ich Gottes Willen folge und auf Ihn und andere zugehe, bleibe ich stehen. Wenn ich das vergesse und mich zurückziehe - die Dinge also wie früher angehe - werde ich fallen.
Niemand sollte denken, dieses Leben wäre einfach. Jeder hat irgendwann mit Problemen zu tun, die einem über den Kopf wachsen, aber du musst all das nicht alleine durchstehen. Gott und Seine Söhne und Töchter sind da für dich. Fang an, auf sie zuzugehen. Warum nicht heute?"
Wie kannst du mit Schritt 1 arbeiten?
1) Schreibe ein Tagebuch. Beginne damit, dass du so viele Beispiele für deine Machtlosigkeit gegenüber deinem Kampf gegen die Homosexualität sowie die außer Kontrolle geratenen Emotionen aufschreibst, wie dir einfallen. Diskutiere das mit deinem Step Coach (Moderator).
2) Schreibe auf, was du diese Woche tun kannst, um auf Gott und andere Menschen zuzugehen. Teile deinen Entschluss mit deinem Step Coach und bitte ihn, deinen Prozess zu begleiten.
3) Lerne die Bibelverse, die du in diesem Schritt als hilfreich empfunden hast, auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
"Die Weigerung, anzuerkennen, dass die Dinge außer Kontrolle geraten sind nennt man Leugnen. Leugnen ist nicht dasselbe wie Lügen, denn beim Leugnen glaubt der Betroffene an seine eigene verzerrte Wahrnehmung der Realität." (Abraham Twerski). Und weiter: "Hier ist eine Faustregel: Wenn etwas ein Problem verursacht, ist es ein Problem. Wenn man so tut als wenn es nicht existiert, wird das Problem weiter fortbestehen."
"Hast du jemals beobachtet, wie Babys ihre Hände vor das Gesicht halten, um sich vor dir zu verstecken? Kinder denken, dass wenn sie dich nicht sehen, du sie auch nicht sehen kannst ... Wie andere Formen kindlichen Denkens bleibt dies oft bis ins Erwachsenenalter bestehen. Manche Menschen denken, wenn sie etwas vergessen, existiert es ganz einfach nicht." (Abraham Twerski)
"Ich hatte immer Angst, meine Hilfosigkeit der Homosexualität gegenüber zuzugeben, weil ich dachte, wenn ich das tue, würde das heißen, dass der Kampf hoffnungslos sei. Wenn ich meine Homosexualität nicht unter Kontrolle bringen konnte, so dachte ich, sie wäre für immer außer Kontrolle.
"Aber was ist mit Gott?" fragst du vielleicht. "Könntest du dich nicht an Ihn wenden und Ihn um Gnade bitten wenn du in Not bist?" Ich hab's versucht. Ich habe Christus angenommen, gebetet, meine Bibel gelesen, gefastet, die Fülle des Heiligen Geistes gesucht, habe mich in christliche Arbeit geschmissen, bin in eine Bibelschule gegangen, habe geheiratet - ich hab's wirklich versucht, aber es gab keine Erlösung von der Lust, der Masturbation - und unter Stress habe ich dann angefangen, Sexkontakte zu suchen. Und als ich einmal angefangen habe, gab es kein Aufhören mehr.
Als einmal einer Der Männer, mit denen ich Kontakt hatte, mich bedrohte, es anderen zu erzählen, beschloss ich, all meinen Mut zusammen zu nehmen, Gott mit meinem ganzen Herzen zu suchen und aufzuhören. Mit der Homosexualität weiterzumachen, würde bedeuten, mein Ansehen auf's Spiel zu setzen, meinen Job, meine Familie und auch meine Gesundheit! Aber trotz meiner Entschlüsse und Gebete, habe ich mit genau derselben Person nach zwei Wochen wieder weiter gemacht! Bei einer anderen Gelegenheit sah ich ein Bild eines Mannes, mit dem ich noch ein Jahr, nachdem er aus meinem Leben verschwunden war, Sex hatte - und bekam einen Weinkrampf, so sehr hatte ich Sehnsucht - Sehnsucht nach Liebe, aber auch eine Sehnsucht, die mit unerlaubtem Sex vermischt war.
Und so hatte ich das Gefühl, Gott würde mir nicht helfen. Ich war sicher, Er hatte die Nase voll von mir - und wenn ich mir nicht selbst helfen könnte, gäbe es keine Hilfe.
Natürlich lag ich da falsch. Das Problem war nicht Gott. Meine Sünde hat Seine Liebe zu mir nicht weniger werden lassen. Meine Schuld war nicht zu groß für Jeu' Blut und Gerechtigkeit. Ich hatte recht, mich an Ihn zu wenden - aber ich hatte die falschen Erwartungen an Ihn.
Ich dachte, Gott würde mich auf einen Schlag heilen. Er hingegen wartete darauf, mich im Lauf der Zeit zu heilen. Das geschah nicht, um mich zu quälen, sondern um mich zu lehren - mich dazu zu befähigen, Lektionen über Gott, mich selbst und andere zu lernen, die mich ungeheuer bereicherten.
Ich dachte, Gott würde mich ganz alleine heilen - ohne dass dabei irgendjemand anderes im Spiel war. Er aber wollte mich durch Seine Kinder heilen. Mein Problem war ein Beziehungsproblem. Es ist ein Ergebnis meines Rückzugs von Papa - und später auch von anderen Menschen. Und die Lösung des Problems liegt auch in Beziehungen. Ich muss lernen, auf andere zuzugehen.
Ich forderte ein Wunder. Gott aber wollte Mittel verwenden - Mittel, die den Hunger nach Liebe füllen würden, der noch von meiner Kindheit übrig war, in der ich keine Beziehung zu meinem Vater herstellen konnte.
Machtlosigkeit zuzugeben ist natürlich nichts, was man einmal für alle Zeit tut. Es ist eine tägliche Entscheidung - auf Gott zuzugehen und ebenso auf andere Menschen, wenn man einsam, verängstigt, gestresst, verletzt und in Not ist. Wenn ich Gottes Willen folge und auf Ihn und andere zugehe, bleibe ich stehen. Wenn ich das vergesse und mich zurückziehe - die Dinge also wie früher angehe - werde ich fallen.
Niemand sollte denken, dieses Leben wäre einfach. Jeder hat irgendwann mit Problemen zu tun, die einem über den Kopf wachsen, aber du musst all das nicht alleine durchstehen. Gott und Seine Söhne und Töchter sind da für dich. Fang an, auf sie zuzugehen. Warum nicht heute?"
Wir müssen unsere Sünden ans Licht bringen. Gott liebt uns noch immer. Er wird uns aber nicht auf einen Schlag heilen, sondern durch einen Lernprozess. Wir müssen Lektionen über uns, Gott und andere lernen. Lektionen, die wir nie wieder missen möchten.
Wie kannst du mit Schritt 1 arbeiten?
1) Schreibe ein Tagebuch. Beginne damit, dass du so viele Beispiele für deine Machtlosigkeit gegenüber deinem Kampf gegen die Homosexualität sowie die außer Kontrolle geratenen Emotionen aufschreibst, wie dir einfallen. Diskutiere das mit deinem Step Coach (Moderator).
2) Schreibe auf, was du diese Woche tun kannst, um auf Gott und andere Menschen zuzugehen. Teile deinen Entschluss mit deinem Step Coach und bitte ihn, deinen Prozess zu begleiten.
3) Lerne die Bibelverse, die du in diesem Schritt als hilfreich empfunden hast, auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 2
"Wir sind dazu gekommen, an die Liebe Gottes zu glauben, der uns vergeben und uns angenommen hat trotz allem was wir sind und getan haben".
In Schritt 1 haben wir unserer Hilflosigkeit ins Gesicht gesehen. Wir haben zugegeben, dass Homosexualität mehr war, als wir alleine handhaben konnten. In Schritt 2 begegnet uns nun unsere Hoffnung. Schritt 2 erzählt uns von einem liebenden und vergebenden Vater, der nie unerfüllten Bedürfnisse befriedigt, die unseren inneren Kampf verursacht haben.
Schritt 2 spricht nicht davon, dass wir "sofort" oder "voller Begeisterung" geglaubt haben. Er spricht davon, dass wir dazu gekommen sind - was beinhaltet, dass für viele von uns Glaube keine leichte Sache war. Warum war das so?
Unsere Vorstellung von Gott wurde zunächst von unserem Elternhaus durch die Beziehung zu Mutter und Vater geprägt. Da die meisten von uns mit ihnen nicht gerade gut zurecht kamen, hat sich in unseren Köpfen ein Bild von Gott geformt, das einen distanzierten, harten, wütenden, kalten, gleichgültigen, abweisenden Vater darstellt, der sich nicht um uns kümmert, ständig Forderungen stellt und dem immer irgendwas nicht passt.
In Schritt 1 haben wir unserer Hilflosigkeit ins Gesicht gesehen. Wir haben zugegeben, dass Homosexualität mehr war, als wir alleine handhaben konnten. In Schritt 2 begegnet uns nun unsere Hoffnung. Schritt 2 erzählt uns von einem liebenden und vergebenden Vater, der nie unerfüllten Bedürfnisse befriedigt, die unseren inneren Kampf verursacht haben.
Schritt 2 spricht nicht davon, dass wir "sofort" oder "voller Begeisterung" geglaubt haben. Er spricht davon, dass wir dazu gekommen sind - was beinhaltet, dass für viele von uns Glaube keine leichte Sache war. Warum war das so?
Unsere Vorstellung von Gott wurde zunächst von unserem Elternhaus durch die Beziehung zu Mutter und Vater geprägt. Da die meisten von uns mit ihnen nicht gerade gut zurecht kamen, hat sich in unseren Köpfen ein Bild von Gott geformt, das einen distanzierten, harten, wütenden, kalten, gleichgültigen, abweisenden Vater darstellt, der sich nicht um uns kümmert, ständig Forderungen stellt und dem immer irgendwas nicht passt.
Oft haben wir auch schlechte Erfahrungen mit Menschen aus unserer Gemeinde gemacht, von denen wir dachten, dass sie Gott repräsentierten. Wir dachten fälschlicherweise, dass Gott uns verachtet, da diese Menschen auch auf uns herabblickten.
Manche unter uns waren auch wütend auf Gott. So oft hatten wir Ihn um Hilfe in unserem Kampf angefleht, aber nichts st geschehen. Warum war Er so schweigsam? Hat Er uns verlassen? Kümmert Er sich überhaupt um uns? Und so stellten manche unter uns nicht nur Seine Liebe zu uns, sondern Seine Existenz insgesamt in Frage.
Viele von uns hassten sich selbst für das, was sie getan und gedacht haben. Und wir dachten, Gott müsste uns mindestens so hassen wie wir uns selbst. Gedanken an Gott empfanden viele als unangenehm, da sie mit Gefühlen der Furcht und Angst vor Verurteilung einher gingen.
Wenn auch du Gedanken an Gott als unangenehm empfindest, denke dran: die einzige Bedingung, die wir an dich haben, wenn du zu uns kommst, ist frei von Homosexualität sein zu wollen! Wir wollen dir nicht unsere Überzeugung aufzuwingen, sondern mit dir teilen, was uns geholfen hat. Der Kampf gegen die Homosexualität wird wahrscheinlich härter sein als alles, was du bisher getan hast. Es geht hier nicht nur um die Änderung von Verhaltensweisen, sondern um unser tiefstes Inneres. Wir müssen herausfinden, wer wir sind. Unseren eigenen Gedanken und Gefühlen können wir in dieser Hinsicht nicht trauen, da unsere Vergangenheit sie verzerrt hat. Wen aber können wir hier vertrauen? Nun - wir haben herausgefunden, dass der Einzige, dem wir wirklich vertrauen können und der uns mit seiner Gnade hilft, Gott ist.
Und er hilft tatsächlich. Er hat es bei uns getan und wenn du weiterhin mit uns arbeitest, wirst du feststellen, dass Er es auch bei dir tun wird.
All das erschreckt dich vielleicht ein wenig. Denke aber daran, dass du nichts von dem glauben musst, was wir dir hier erzählen, um bei unsherzlich willkommen zu sein. Wir lieben dich für deinen Mut, diesen Kampf aufzunehmen. Bleibe einfach offen und ehrlich. Traue dich, zu experimentieren. Versuche, eine offene Einstellung zu bekommen. Arbeite an den Teilen des Programms, für die du offen bist und lasse den Rest für später. Wenn du jetzt noch nicht an deiner Beziehung zu Gott arbeiten kannst, arbeite an deiner Beziehung zu anderen. Gott ist unglaublich geduldig und Er versteht das. Gib einfach dein Bestes. Bleib in Verbindung. Ein Schritt nach dem anderen!
Unsere Vorstellung von Gott kann uns vorwärts treiben oder zurückhalten. Woher haben wir eigentlich unser Bild von Gott? Nun, von unseren Eltern und wohl auch vom Religionsunterricht, unseren Erfahrungen, Vorstellungen und sogar unsere vorprogrammierten Reaktionen auf Autoritätspersonen - all das hat unser Konzept von Gott geprägt. Wir verbinden mit Gott eine Art Ungeduld. Und wir denken, dass Er sich von uns abgewendet hat. (...) Tatsache aber ist: Gott ist Liebe!" (John Powell).
"Viele von uns erwarten, dass Gott schweigt und weit weg ist. Gelegentlich werfen wir unsere Gebete und Geschenke über die hohe Mauer, die uns von Gott trennt. Wir hoffen, dass Er hört, aber wir erwarten keine Antwort." (John Powell).
"Es ist wichtig für mich, dass ich Jesus, den guten Hirten kenne. Ich muss mich immer wieder daran erinnern, dass Er nach uns verlorenen Schafen sucht und sich freut, wenn Er uns findet. Er nimmt mich in Seine Arme und schluchzt erleichtert: "Du bist zuhause. Weißt du, das ist alles, was ich immer wollte. Du bist zuhause." (John Powell)
Christus, der Sohn, hat für uns den Vater perfekt enthüllt - weil Er selbst Gott ist. Deshalb kann er Dinge tun, die Gott alleine tun kann: alle Dinge mit Seinem mächtigen Wort stützen und uns von unseren Sünden reinigen".
"Wir gestehen bereitwillig, dass unser Glaube oft schwach und furchtsam ist. Wir kämpfen mit Phasen des Zweifelns. Wir werden aber auch von Gott gesegnet, wenn wir schwach im Glauben sind. Denke an Abraham, den Vater aller Gläubigen. Sein Glaube war nicht immer tadellos und stark. Er hatte Momente des Zweifelns und der Verzweiflung. Dennoch hat Gott ihn gesegnet. Als der Vater des besessenen Knaben zu Jeus schrie: "Ich glaube; hilf meinem Unglauben!" (Markus 9:24), hat Jesus sein Gebet erhört. Er heilte den Sohn dieses Mannes. Beachte aber, dass dieser Mann mit seinem schwachen Glauben gekämpft und um Hilfe gebeten hat. Er hat sie erhalten." (Simon J. Kistemaker).
All das erschreckt dich vielleicht ein wenig. Denke aber daran, dass du nichts von dem glauben musst, was wir dir hier erzählen, um bei unsherzlich willkommen zu sein. Wir lieben dich für deinen Mut, diesen Kampf aufzunehmen. Bleibe einfach offen und ehrlich. Traue dich, zu experimentieren. Versuche, eine offene Einstellung zu bekommen. Arbeite an den Teilen des Programms, für die du offen bist und lasse den Rest für später. Wenn du jetzt noch nicht an deiner Beziehung zu Gott arbeiten kannst, arbeite an deiner Beziehung zu anderen. Gott ist unglaublich geduldig und Er versteht das. Gib einfach dein Bestes. Bleib in Verbindung. Ein Schritt nach dem anderen!
Unsere Vorstellung von Gott kann uns vorwärts treiben oder zurückhalten. Woher haben wir eigentlich unser Bild von Gott? Nun, von unseren Eltern und wohl auch vom Religionsunterricht, unseren Erfahrungen, Vorstellungen und sogar unsere vorprogrammierten Reaktionen auf Autoritätspersonen - all das hat unser Konzept von Gott geprägt. Wir verbinden mit Gott eine Art Ungeduld. Und wir denken, dass Er sich von uns abgewendet hat. (...) Tatsache aber ist: Gott ist Liebe!" (John Powell).
"Viele von uns erwarten, dass Gott schweigt und weit weg ist. Gelegentlich werfen wir unsere Gebete und Geschenke über die hohe Mauer, die uns von Gott trennt. Wir hoffen, dass Er hört, aber wir erwarten keine Antwort." (John Powell).
"Es ist wichtig für mich, dass ich Jesus, den guten Hirten kenne. Ich muss mich immer wieder daran erinnern, dass Er nach uns verlorenen Schafen sucht und sich freut, wenn Er uns findet. Er nimmt mich in Seine Arme und schluchzt erleichtert: "Du bist zuhause. Weißt du, das ist alles, was ich immer wollte. Du bist zuhause." (John Powell)
Christus, der Sohn, hat für uns den Vater perfekt enthüllt - weil Er selbst Gott ist. Deshalb kann er Dinge tun, die Gott alleine tun kann: alle Dinge mit Seinem mächtigen Wort stützen und uns von unseren Sünden reinigen".
"Wir gestehen bereitwillig, dass unser Glaube oft schwach und furchtsam ist. Wir kämpfen mit Phasen des Zweifelns. Wir werden aber auch von Gott gesegnet, wenn wir schwach im Glauben sind. Denke an Abraham, den Vater aller Gläubigen. Sein Glaube war nicht immer tadellos und stark. Er hatte Momente des Zweifelns und der Verzweiflung. Dennoch hat Gott ihn gesegnet. Als der Vater des besessenen Knaben zu Jeus schrie: "Ich glaube; hilf meinem Unglauben!" (Markus 9:24), hat Jesus sein Gebet erhört. Er heilte den Sohn dieses Mannes. Beachte aber, dass dieser Mann mit seinem schwachen Glauben gekämpft und um Hilfe gebeten hat. Er hat sie erhalten." (Simon J. Kistemaker).
•All das mag dich jetzt noch erschrecken. Denke daran, dass du nichts von dem glauben musst, was wir sagen, um bei uns willkommen zu sein! Du wirst für deinen Mut geliebt, diesen Kampf aufzunehmen. Bleibe einfach offen und ehrlich! Trau‘ dich, zu experimentieren! Versuche, eine offene Einstellung zu bekommen! Arbeite an den Teilen des Programms, für die du dich bereit fühlst – und mache den Rest später! Wenn du jetzt noch nicht an deiner Beziehung zu Gott arbeiten kannst, arbeite zumindest an deiner Beziehung zu anderen! Gott ist geduldig und versteht. Tue einfach dein Bestes – und denke daran: ein Schritt nach dem anderen!
•Manchmal ist unser Glaube sehr schwach. Bete zu Gott und bitte Ihn, dir zu helfen, deinen Glauben wieder zu stärken! Unser Gott ist so gut, dass er nicht nur die mit einem schwachen Glauben segnet, sondern seine Hand auch nach denen mit überhaupt keinem Glauben ausstreckt, wenn sie nur bereit dafür sind!
•Glaube kommt, indem man das Wort Gottes liest!
„Gott ist Liebe“ ist der Schlüssel zu allem. Wenn wir diese Wahrheit leben können und sie nicht nur als Poster an die Wand hängen, werden wir die Kraft finden, Böses zu bekämpfen und einen Ort des Friedens in all dem inneren Kampf entdecken!
Einige der verwirrendsten emotionalen und spirituellen Probleme von Christen haben ihre Ursache darin, dass die Menschen Gottes bedingungslose Liebe nicht annehmen können und damit auch unfähig sind, diese an andere weiterzugeben!
Gottes Liebe ist wie ein Radiosender – solange wir nicht auf Empfang eingestellt sind, werden wir sie nicht empfangen.
Christus ist nicht für gerechte Menschen gestorben, sondern für ungerechte, selbstsüchtige, kurz: für uns! Je mehr wir im Verständnis um Seine Liebe wachsen, je mehr wir verstehen, dass er uns vor der Verurteilung bewahrt hat, die wir verdient haben, desto geduldiger und freundlicher werden wir denen gegenüber sein, die ebenso fallen wie wir einst!
„Gott ist Liebe“ ist der Schlüssel zu allem. Wenn wir diese Wahrheit leben können und sie nicht nur als Poster an die Wand hängen, werden wir die Kraft finden, Böses zu bekämpfen und einen Ort des Friedens in all dem inneren Kampf entdecken!
Einige der verwirrendsten emotionalen und spirituellen Probleme von Christen haben ihre Ursache darin, dass die Menschen Gottes bedingungslose Liebe nicht annehmen können und damit auch unfähig sind, diese an andere weiterzugeben!
Gottes Liebe ist wie ein Radiosender – solange wir nicht auf Empfang eingestellt sind, werden wir sie nicht empfangen.
Christus ist nicht für gerechte Menschen gestorben, sondern für ungerechte, selbstsüchtige, kurz: für uns! Je mehr wir im Verständnis um Seine Liebe wachsen, je mehr wir verstehen, dass er uns vor der Verurteilung bewahrt hat, die wir verdient haben, desto geduldiger und freundlicher werden wir denen gegenüber sein, die ebenso fallen wie wir einst!
Jesus hat wegen des Unglaubens in Jerusalem geweint, Er hörte das Flehen des sterbenden Diebes, Er hat unter dem Baum angehalten, um Zachäus zu rufen – Liebe wie diese übersteigt unsere Vorstellungskraft. Der schlimmste Sünder hat keinen Grund, sich vor einem Retter wie diesem zu fürchten!
Wir sind bedingungslos und auf ewig angenommen von Gott – nicht wegen dem, was wir getan haben, sondern ganz einfach, weil Gott Liebe ist!
Jeder, der die Vergebung Gottes erfahren durfte, kennt deren lebensspendende Kraft!
Gott geht den langen Weg aus der Homosexualität mit uns zusammen! Er lässt uns nie alleine! Und Er liebt und vergibt uns trotz allem, was wir bisher getan haben!
Wir gefallen Gott am meisten, wenn wir nicht fanatisch versuchen, gut zu sein, sondern uns mit all unseren Fehlern in seine Arme werfen und daran glauben, dass Er alles versteht und uns trotzdem liebt!
Wir sind bedingungslos und auf ewig angenommen von Gott – nicht wegen dem, was wir getan haben, sondern ganz einfach, weil Gott Liebe ist!
Jeder, der die Vergebung Gottes erfahren durfte, kennt deren lebensspendende Kraft!
Gott geht den langen Weg aus der Homosexualität mit uns zusammen! Er lässt uns nie alleine! Und Er liebt und vergibt uns trotz allem, was wir bisher getan haben!
Wir gefallen Gott am meisten, wenn wir nicht fanatisch versuchen, gut zu sein, sondern uns mit all unseren Fehlern in seine Arme werfen und daran glauben, dass Er alles versteht und uns trotzdem liebt!
„Er war nur ein kleiner Junge und er konnte die Bestrafung nicht verstehen. Die Bestrafung war notwendig, damit er einige wichtige Lektionen lernen würde und zu einem Mann heranwachsen würde, der richtig und falsch unterscheiden könnte. Aber er konnte all das nicht verstehen. Alles was er wusste, war, dass sein Vater ihn ohne Abendessen in sein Zimmer geschickt hat – und er hatte Hunger. Er dachte, sein Vater würde sich doch nicht so um ihn sorgen, wie seine Worte es vermuten ließen. Immerhin – wenn sein Vater ihn wirklich lieben würde, würde er ihm das Abendessen erlaubt haben. Dann ging die Türe auf, sein Vater kam herein und setzte sich auf‘s Bett. „Sohn,“ sagte er, „Ich weiß, du verstehst das nicht, aber eines Tages wirst du es verstehen. Eines Tages wirst du froh sein, dass ich dich genug geliebt habe, um dich richtig zu erziehen. Aber ich wollte, dass du weißt, dass auch ich heute kein Abendessen hatte und dass ich die Nacht hier bei dir verbringen werde – und dass wir beide zusammen hungrig sein werden.“ Der Junge war natürlich immer noch hungrig, aber irgendwie half ihm das, in den Armen seines Vaters einzuschlafen – ein Vater, der sich mit seinem Hunger identifiziert hatte. Das ist genau das, was auch Gott getan hat.“
(Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge)
•Es hilft wenig, auf Gott wütend zu sein. Wir sollten unseren Ärger lieber auf die wirkliche Quelle unserer Verletzung richten, statt sie auf Gott zu projezieren, was dich genau von der Kraft abschneiden würde, die du brauchst, um mit deiner Verletzung umzugehen.
Unsere Hochs und Tiefs kommen daher, dass wir nicht auf unseren Glauben, sondern auf unsere Gefühle bauen.
Wegen unseres rebellischen Wesens haben wir eigentlich Verdammnis verdient. Stattdessen liebt uns Gott so sehr, dass er Seinen Sohn hingegeben hat, dass Er am Kreuz für unsere Sünden stirbt! In Christus kann uns Gott mit all unseren Schwächen annehmen.
Christus ist von den Toten auferstanden. Wenn du Ihn nie in dein Leben eingeladen hast, wartet Er immer noch an der Tür deines Herzens und begehrt Einlass. Er sagt: „Ich liebe dich und will dir nahe sein. Ich will deine Sünden vergeben. Ich bin bereit, dir in den Problemen des Lebens beizustehen und dir zu helfen, all das zu werden, was Gott von dir erwartet. Komm, teile für immer den Himmel mit mir!“
Wenn wir aufrecht stehen wollen, müssen wir Situationen vermeiden, die uns zu Fall bringen könnten.
Unsere mächtigsten Waffen: das Wort Gottes und das Gebet!
Wir alle haben verschiedene Kämpfe auszutragen. Auch unsere Heilung vollzieht sich unterschiedlich – plötzlich oder schrittweise. Wir sind alle einzigartig. Wir müssen geduldig mit uns sein und darauf vertrauen, dass Gott uns auf die für uns beste Art und Weise heilt.
Wir dürfen nicht zulassen, dass Schuldgefühle, Schmerz, Verwirrung oder Verzweiflung uns übermannen und uns von Gott oder anderen trennen. Wenn wir uns an Gott wenden, wird er uns vergeben. Er wird uns nicht verlassen, sondern uns in all unseren Kämpfen bis hin zur Freiheit beistehen!
„Uns wird gesagt, wir sollten die Sünde hassen und den Sünder lieben, aber wir neigen zu sehr dazu, es andersrum zu drehen. Wir hassen den Sünder in uns und halten an der Sünde fest. Rühme dich nicht deiner Fehltritte. Versuche einfach zu verstehen, warum sie geschehen sind und sieh‘ zu, dass du wieder auf den richtigen Weg kommst.“ (Newman, Berkowitz & Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend)
Unsere Hochs und Tiefs kommen daher, dass wir nicht auf unseren Glauben, sondern auf unsere Gefühle bauen.
Wegen unseres rebellischen Wesens haben wir eigentlich Verdammnis verdient. Stattdessen liebt uns Gott so sehr, dass er Seinen Sohn hingegeben hat, dass Er am Kreuz für unsere Sünden stirbt! In Christus kann uns Gott mit all unseren Schwächen annehmen.
Christus ist von den Toten auferstanden. Wenn du Ihn nie in dein Leben eingeladen hast, wartet Er immer noch an der Tür deines Herzens und begehrt Einlass. Er sagt: „Ich liebe dich und will dir nahe sein. Ich will deine Sünden vergeben. Ich bin bereit, dir in den Problemen des Lebens beizustehen und dir zu helfen, all das zu werden, was Gott von dir erwartet. Komm, teile für immer den Himmel mit mir!“
•Was wirst du mit Jesus tun? Warum Ihn nicht jetzt gleich in dein Leben bitten? Du kannst zum Beispiel wie folgt beten: „Herr Jesus, danke, dass du am Kreuz für meine Sünden gestorben bist. Ich brauche deine Vergebung. Komme in mein Herz. Ich nehme Dein Verzeihen an. Ich gebe Dir mein Leben. Danke, dass Du mich nicht verurteilst. Danke, dass Du mich liebst, mir vergibst und mich annimmst.“
Wir haben Sex benutzt, um emotionalen Schmerz zu betäuben. Wenn wir dieses Verhaltensmuster durchbrechen, kommen all diese unterdrückten Gefühle zum Vorschein. Wir müssen der Versuchung widerstehen, uns zurückzuziehen und uns stattdessen an Gott wenden, sowie an unsere Gemeinde, um uns durch diese schweren Zeiten zu helfen. Niemand schafft das alleine!
Gott verspricht uns keinen sanften Weg – sondern einen sicheren!
Wir müssen lernen, einen Tag nach dem anderen zu leben und dürfen uns nicht zu sehr um die Probleme von Morgen kümmern.
Erlösung von unseren Neigungen ist verbunden mit Gehorsam und der Bereitschaft, harte Entscheidungen zu treffen – immer wieder, bis die alten Verhaltensmuster durch neue ersetzt werden.
Gott verspricht uns keinen sanften Weg – sondern einen sicheren!
Wir müssen lernen, einen Tag nach dem anderen zu leben und dürfen uns nicht zu sehr um die Probleme von Morgen kümmern.
Erlösung von unseren Neigungen ist verbunden mit Gehorsam und der Bereitschaft, harte Entscheidungen zu treffen – immer wieder, bis die alten Verhaltensmuster durch neue ersetzt werden.
Großbritanniens Hoffnungen auf eine Medaille im 400 m – Lauf der Männer bei den Olympischen Sommerspielen 1992 „wurden zerschmettert, als in der Endrunde des Semifinales“ Derek Redmond „sich lahm dahinschleppte, offensichtlich mit einem gerissenen Muskel. Da stand er – voller Schmerz, nun außer Konkurrenz, aber immer noch entschlossen, den Lauf zu beenden. Als er versuchte, in Richtung Ziellinie zu hüpfen, schien er ca. 100 m vor dem Ziel am Ende seiner Kräfte zu sein. In diesem Moment, lief ein Mann aus dem Zuschauerbereich hinter Derek her, packte ihn um die Hüfte und fing an, ihm zu helfen. Es war sein Vater, Jim Redmond. Als Derek bewusst wurde, wer ihn da hoch hielt und ihn helfend vorwärts trieb, wechselte sein Gesichtsausdruck von Verwunderung hin zu Erleichterung und er wurde von seinen Gefühlen übermannt. Er fasste seinen Vater um den Nacken, umarmte ihn und weinte, als sie sich zusammen in Richtung Ziellinie bewegten. Derek beendete den Lauf, während die Menge die beiden Männer mit Beifallsstürmen unterstützend anfeuerte... Auch wir haben solch einen Vater! (Chap Clark, The Performance Illusion)
•Gott zu vertrauen, heißt nicht, dass wir keine Verantwortung für unser eigenes emotionales, körperliches und spirituelles Wohlergehen haben!
Wenn wir aufrecht stehen wollen, müssen wir Situationen vermeiden, die uns zu Fall bringen könnten.
Unsere mächtigsten Waffen: das Wort Gottes und das Gebet!
Wir alle haben verschiedene Kämpfe auszutragen. Auch unsere Heilung vollzieht sich unterschiedlich – plötzlich oder schrittweise. Wir sind alle einzigartig. Wir müssen geduldig mit uns sein und darauf vertrauen, dass Gott uns auf die für uns beste Art und Weise heilt.
Wir dürfen nicht zulassen, dass Schuldgefühle, Schmerz, Verwirrung oder Verzweiflung uns übermannen und uns von Gott oder anderen trennen. Wenn wir uns an Gott wenden, wird er uns vergeben. Er wird uns nicht verlassen, sondern uns in all unseren Kämpfen bis hin zur Freiheit beistehen!
„Uns wird gesagt, wir sollten die Sünde hassen und den Sünder lieben, aber wir neigen zu sehr dazu, es andersrum zu drehen. Wir hassen den Sünder in uns und halten an der Sünde fest. Rühme dich nicht deiner Fehltritte. Versuche einfach zu verstehen, warum sie geschehen sind und sieh‘ zu, dass du wieder auf den richtigen Weg kommst.“ (Newman, Berkowitz & Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend)
„Moses war ein Mörder, aber Gott hat ihm vergeben und ihn dazu benutzt, Israel aus der Knechtschaft durch Ägypten zu befreien. David war ein Ehebrecher und Mörder, aber Gott hat ihm vergeben und einen großen König aus ihm gemacht. Petrus verleugnete den Herrn, aber Gott hat ihm vergeben und Petrus ist eine führende Persönlichkeit in der Kirche geworden. Gott freut sich, wenn Seine Kinder Seine Vergebung akzeptieren, sich selbst am Kragen packen und wieder gehen, nachdem sie zu Fall gekommen sind.“ (Robert McGee, The Search for Significance)
„Der Teufel hat zwei falsche Brillen, die er vor die Augen der Menschen setzt; die eine ist eine kleine Brille, in der die Sünde so klein erscheint, dass man sie kaum sehen kann. Diese setzt der Teufel vor die Augen der Menschen, wenn sie im Begriff sind, zu sündigen. Die andere ist ein Vergrößerungsglas, in dem die Sünde so groß erscheint, dass es keine Vergebung dafür geben kann. Die setzt der Teufel vor die Augen der Menschen, wenn sie gesündigt haben.“ (Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments)
•„Viele Christen, die mit sexuellen Versuchungen kämpfen, haben immer wieder Fehltritte erfahren müssen, die ihr Verhältnis zu Gott zutiefst beeinflusst haben. Es ist hart, immer wieder zu Gott zurückzukehren, wenn wir unserer Fehltritte so schmerzhaft bewusst sind. Satan will, dass wir uns wertlos fühlen, damit wir nicht zu Gott zurückkehren. Er lässt uns vergessen, dass Gott viel aushalten kann und immer bereit ist, zu vergeben.“„Das Schlimmste, was wir tun können, wenn wir eine Gewohnheit beenden wollen, ist uns darauf zu konzentrieren. Verschwende deine Zeit nicht damit, daran zu denken, wie du nicht daran denken kannst. Konzentriere dich auf Christus.“
„Wenn wir unseren Blick auf Jesus richten, sehen wir den Sieg. Wenn wir ihn auf unsere immer wiederkehrende Sünde richten, sehen wir nur die Niederlage und werden uns schließlich schämen, Jesus auch nur anzusehen. Wir brauchen keine Hoffnungslosigkeit. Wir müssen uns wieder auf die Quelle der Hoffnung konzentrieren.“(Earl Wilson, Sexual Sanity)
„Wenn wir unseren Blick auf Jesus richten, sehen wir den Sieg. Wenn wir ihn auf unsere immer wiederkehrende Sünde richten, sehen wir nur die Niederlage und werden uns schließlich schämen, Jesus auch nur anzusehen. Wir brauchen keine Hoffnungslosigkeit. Wir müssen uns wieder auf die Quelle der Hoffnung konzentrieren.“(Earl Wilson, Sexual Sanity)
Übungen zum Abschluss von Schritt 2:
•Schreibe möglichst viele Beispiele für Situationen auf, in denen du an den Motiven von Menschen gezweifelt hast (besonders deiner Eltern), wenn sie dir gegenüber rücksichtsvoll und nett waren. Dann schreib Beispiele für dein Jammer und Klagen und deine Loslösung von Gott auf, die deine Zweifel an Seiner Liebe und seinem Annehmen zeigen. •Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen laut Psalm 23 und preise Gott für die Wahrheit Seiner Liebe zu dir – trotz deiner Unzulänglichkeiten und Fehltritte.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
•Schreibe möglichst viele Beispiele für Situationen auf, in denen du an den Motiven von Menschen gezweifelt hast (besonders deiner Eltern), wenn sie dir gegenüber rücksichtsvoll und nett waren. Dann schreib Beispiele für dein Jammer und Klagen und deine Loslösung von Gott auf, die deine Zweifel an Seiner Liebe und seinem Annehmen zeigen. •Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen laut Psalm 23 und preise Gott für die Wahrheit Seiner Liebe zu dir – trotz deiner Unzulänglichkeiten und Fehltritte.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 3
"Wir haben gelernt, einen Sinn in unserem Leiden zu sehen. Wir haben ebenso gelernt, dass unsere gefallenen Leben unter Gottes Kontrolle sind, der Gutes aus all dem Schlechten hervorbringen kann"
Unser neu (wieder-)gefundener Glaube an die Liebe Gottes befähigt uns, die Wurzeln unseres Kampfes gegen gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen anzugreifen. Viele von uns fühlten sich als Opfer – Opfer des Lebens oder Opfer unserer Eltern. Das mag vielleicht sogar so gewesen sein! Wenn wir aber hier aufhören und nicht den roten Faden der Gnade durch unser Leiden laufen sehen, werden wir als hoffnungslose Opfer enden.
Was auch immer in unserer Kindheit geschehen ist, wir sind keine Kinder mehr und müssen Verantwortung für unser gegenwärtiges Handeln übernehmen. Mit Gottes Hilfe können wir uns ändern. Solange wir aber andere Menschen oder Umstände jenseits unserer Kontrolle für unsere gegenwärtige Situation die Schuld geben, sitzen wir in der Falle und sind unfähig, irgendetwas zu unternehmen, um unser Leben zu ändern.
•Wir müssen unser Selbstmitleid und unser Gefühl des Opfer-Seins angehen, wenn wir frei von Homosexualität sein wollen. Dafür müssen wir u.a. Gott nicht nur als unseren liebenden Vater, sondern auch als unseren unumschränkten Herrn sehen, dessen almmächtige Gnade einen Segen aus all unserem Leid hervorbringen kann.
„Jeder dort draußen leidet. Und wenn du das nicht weißt, bist du entweder sehr naiv und glaubst an die Fassaden der Menschen, oder du hast so eine dicke Haut, dass du dich selbst nicht verletzt – und die Verletzungen anderer auch nicht wahrnimmst.“ (Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
Wir sind nicht Produkt eines unpersönlichen Schicksals oder von blindem Zufall, sondern in den Händen unseres liebevollen himmlischen Vaters!
„Alle drei bösen Dinge – Sünde, Tod und Leiden – sind von uns, nicht von Gott; vom Missbrauch unseres freien Willens, von unserem Ungehorsam. Wir haben damit angefangen!“ „Wir sind Sünder. Unsere Welt ist ein Schlachtfeld voller gebrochener Verträge, gebrochener Familien, gebrochener Versprechen, gebrochener Leben und gebrochener Herzen.“(Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
„Jeder dort draußen leidet. Und wenn du das nicht weißt, bist du entweder sehr naiv und glaubst an die Fassaden der Menschen, oder du hast so eine dicke Haut, dass du dich selbst nicht verletzt – und die Verletzungen anderer auch nicht wahrnimmst.“ (Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
Wir sind nicht Produkt eines unpersönlichen Schicksals oder von blindem Zufall, sondern in den Händen unseres liebevollen himmlischen Vaters!
„Alle drei bösen Dinge – Sünde, Tod und Leiden – sind von uns, nicht von Gott; vom Missbrauch unseres freien Willens, von unserem Ungehorsam. Wir haben damit angefangen!“ „Wir sind Sünder. Unsere Welt ist ein Schlachtfeld voller gebrochener Verträge, gebrochener Familien, gebrochener Versprechen, gebrochener Leben und gebrochener Herzen.“(Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
•Die größte Tragödie dieser Welt – der Tod von Christus – ist gleichzeitig der größte Segen dieser Welt! So werden Sünder gerettet! Gott kann das Schlimmste in das Beste umkehren!
Einer Frau, die ihr Leben ohne jeden Bezug zu Gott verbracht hat, wurde vom Doktor erzählt, dass ihre Tochter, die in einem Autounfall verletzt wurde, wahrscheinlich nie aus dem Koma aufwachen würde und vielleicht für den Rest ihres Lebens vor sich hin „vegetieren“ würde. Die Frau sagte: „Ich ging aus dem Krankenhaus, über die Strasse und in eine Bar, wo ich mich total voll laufen ließ. Dann bin ich mit dem Auto nach Hause gefahren und habe den ganzen Weg geweint. Als ich in meine Einfahrt einbog, drehte ich den Motor ab und fing an, auf Gott zu fluchen. Ich verwendete jedes schlimme Wort, das ich kannte – und ich kannte eine Menge. Nach ungefähr einer halben Stunde war ich fix und fertig. Und in der Stille hörte ich eine Stimme...und die Stimme sagte: „Jetzt hast du zum ersten Mal zu Mir gesprochen – und Ich liebe dich.“ (Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge)
•„Vielleicht leiden wir so sehr, weil Gott uns so sehr liebt und uns erziehen will. Vielleicht empfinden wir so ein Leiden, das wir nicht verstehen, weil wir Objekte einer Liebe sind, die wir nicht verstehen.“ (Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
„Ich bin Gott oft dankbar, dass ich durch eine furchterregende Depression gegangen bin. Ich kenne die Grenzen der Verzweiflung und den schrecklichen Rand der Dunkelheit, in die meine Füße fast gegangen wären. Aber Hunderte Male konnte ich Brüdern und Schwestern helfend unter die Arme greifen, die in die selbe Situation geraten sind – was ich nie hätte tun können, wenn ich nicht ihre tiefe Mutlosigkeit gekannt hätte. Und so glaube ich, dass die dunkelste und furchteinflößendste Erfahrung eines Kindes von Gott ihm helfen wird...wenn es nur Christus folgt.“ (C.H.Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXII)
„Ich bin Gott oft dankbar, dass ich durch eine furchterregende Depression gegangen bin. Ich kenne die Grenzen der Verzweiflung und den schrecklichen Rand der Dunkelheit, in die meine Füße fast gegangen wären. Aber Hunderte Male konnte ich Brüdern und Schwestern helfend unter die Arme greifen, die in die selbe Situation geraten sind – was ich nie hätte tun können, wenn ich nicht ihre tiefe Mutlosigkeit gekannt hätte. Und so glaube ich, dass die dunkelste und furchteinflößendste Erfahrung eines Kindes von Gott ihm helfen wird...wenn es nur Christus folgt.“ (C.H.Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXII)
„Denke an Mutter Theresas kühnen Spruch, dass vom Himmel aus betrachtet das jämmerlichste Leben auf der Erde wie eine Nacht in einem unbequemen Hotel aussehen wird“ (Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering)
„Gott weint mit uns, damit wir eines Tages mit Ihm lachen können.“ (Jürgen Moltmann, zitiert in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God)
„Selbstmitleid ist ein fruchtbarer Boden, auf dem die homosexuelle Versuchung mit tiefen Wurzeln gedeiht – Wurzeln, die nicht leicht herauszuziehen sind.“ „Das Bedauern und die Sehnsucht nach etwas, dass du nicht hast oder nicht haben kannst kann eines Tages über dich hereinbrechen und deine Gefühle übermannen. Mit der Sehnsucht kommt die Fantasie, dann das Akzeptieren und Genießen dessen, was du dir in deiner Fantasie vorstellst und schließlich die geschickte Suche nach Futter für diese Gedanken – und letztendlich vielleicht der Versuch, diese in die Realität umzusetzen.“ (Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love)
„Das Spiel des Lebens liegt nicht so sehr darin, gute Karten in der Hand zu haben, sondern schlechte Karten gut auszuspielen.“ (H.T. Leslie in Laurence Peter, Peter‘s Quotations)
„Gott weint mit uns, damit wir eines Tages mit Ihm lachen können.“ (Jürgen Moltmann, zitiert in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God)
„Selbstmitleid ist ein fruchtbarer Boden, auf dem die homosexuelle Versuchung mit tiefen Wurzeln gedeiht – Wurzeln, die nicht leicht herauszuziehen sind.“ „Das Bedauern und die Sehnsucht nach etwas, dass du nicht hast oder nicht haben kannst kann eines Tages über dich hereinbrechen und deine Gefühle übermannen. Mit der Sehnsucht kommt die Fantasie, dann das Akzeptieren und Genießen dessen, was du dir in deiner Fantasie vorstellst und schließlich die geschickte Suche nach Futter für diese Gedanken – und letztendlich vielleicht der Versuch, diese in die Realität umzusetzen.“ (Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love)
„Das Spiel des Lebens liegt nicht so sehr darin, gute Karten in der Hand zu haben, sondern schlechte Karten gut auszuspielen.“ (H.T. Leslie in Laurence Peter, Peter‘s Quotations)
•Warum ist es so leicht, sich zu beklagen und so schwer, sich zu freuen? „Viele von uns werden sich noch erinnern, wie ein aufgeschlagenes Knie uns die Aufmerksamkeit eines Elternteils verschafft hat. In unserem Gehirn mag es eine enge Beziehung zwischen Selbstmitleid und der Belohnung durch Aufmerksamkeit von anderen geben, dass wir Selbstmitleid tatsächlich genießen. Manche fügen sich selbst Schmerz zu, um sich selber leid zu tun. Reife Erwachsene aber versuchen, Dinge, die falsch gelaufen sind, in Ordnung zu bringen statt sich selbst zu bemitleiden (Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?)
„Gott hat uns die Würde der Wahl gelassen, einer freien Wahl, nämlich eine Beziehung mit Ihm anzunehmen oder zurückzuweisen. Unsere Wahl wird reelle Konsequenzen nach sich ziehen. Wir können unser Leben damit verbringen, mit Gott zu gehen – oder vor Ihm davon zu laufen. Wir können unsere kurze Zeit hier damit verbringen, Gott die Schuld zu geben – oder von Ihm geheilt werden... Was wirst du wählen?“ (R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me)
„Gott hat uns die Würde der Wahl gelassen, einer freien Wahl, nämlich eine Beziehung mit Ihm anzunehmen oder zurückzuweisen. Unsere Wahl wird reelle Konsequenzen nach sich ziehen. Wir können unser Leben damit verbringen, mit Gott zu gehen – oder vor Ihm davon zu laufen. Wir können unsere kurze Zeit hier damit verbringen, Gott die Schuld zu geben – oder von Ihm geheilt werden... Was wirst du wählen?“ (R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me)
•„Die Entwicklung eines dankbaren Geistes, sogar angesichts persönlicher Enttäuschung, ist eines der wichtigsten Ziele, die ein Mensch haben kann. Ein Mensch kann unterwürfig in seinem Verhalten sein ohne gleichzeitig auch unterwürfig in seinem Herzen zu sein. Wenn man lernt, in allen Situationen dankbar zu sein, so hilft einem das, die Art von Unterwerfung zu entwickeln, die dem Herrn gefällt. Das wird nicht leicht sein, aber der Herr wird dir helfen, wenn du Ihn darum bittest.“ (Garry Friesen mit J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God).
•„Zwei Kinder spielten auf einem Hügel, als sie bemerkten, dass es fast schon Zeit für den Sonnenuntergang war. Einer sagte verwundert: „Schau, wie weit die Sonne gegangen ist! Noch vor kurzem war sie genau über dem Baum und jetzt ist sie ganz unten am Himmel.“ „Schon, nur dass es nicht die Sonne ist, die sich bewegt, sondern die Erde. Weißt du, Vater hat uns das gesagt,“ sagte der andere. Der erste schüttelte seinen Kopf. Die Sonne bewegte sich doch, denn er hätte das gesehen und die Erde würde sich nicht bewegen, denn er sei dauernd darauf gestanden. „Ich weiß, was ich sehe,“ sagte er triumphierend. „Und ich glaube Vater,“ sagte sein Bruder. So teilt sich auch die Menschheit heutzutage in zwei Lager – einige akzeptieren nur, was sie über ihre Sinne wahrnehmen, andere glauben das Wort Gottes.“ (Walter B. Knight, Knight‘s Master Book of New Illustrations)
W. R. Maltby schrieb: „In der Bergpredigt hat Jesus seinen Jüngern drei Dinge versprochen – dass sie völlig ohne Furcht sein werden, total glücklich und dass sie in Schwierigkeiten geraten würden. Sie sind tatsächlich in Schwierigkeiten geraten – und fanden zu ihrer Überraschung heraus, dass sie keine Angst hatten. Sie waren total glücklich, denn sie lachten über ihre eigenen Probleme und weinten nur über die Probleme anderer Menschen.“ (in Leslie Weatherhead, Jesus and Ourselves)
„Sein Kopf war mit Dornen gekrönt – und wir denken, wir würden eine Krone aus Rosen bekommen?“ (Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial)
„Sein Kopf war mit Dornen gekrönt – und wir denken, wir würden eine Krone aus Rosen bekommen?“ (Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial)
•Es ist wichtig, sich daran zu erinnern, dass Homosexualität Leiden mit sich bringt. Es wird Zeiten der Einsamkeit geben, wo du die Sirenen der Sünde hören wirst: „Ich bin deine einzige Chance auf Liebe. Gib nach oder du wirst für immer alleine bleiben.“, wo du das Versprechen hören wirst: „Ich kann deinen Schmerz lindern und die Verletzung verbannen.“ Dann ist es wichtig, sich daran zu erinnern, welchen Schmerz Homosexualität uns in der Vergangenheit zugefügt hat, um die Lügen, die sie uns jetzt erzählen will, zu erkennen.
Sie nahm dir den Respekt vor dir selbst und gab dir ein Schuldgefühl, sie nahm deine Ehre und gab dir Schande, sie nahm deine Aufrichtigkeit und gab dir ein Doppelleben, deine Sanftheit und machte einen wütenden Menschen aus dir. Sie hat dich dahin gebracht, Gott, deine Frau und Kinder, deine Freunde und alle, die dir vertrauten, zu betrügen. Sie versprach dir Linderung und gab dir nur Schmerz; sie versprach Liebe und gab nur Lust und Einsamkeit.
Erinnere dich aber auch, dass Gott Gutes aus all dem Unheil hervorbringen kann. Sonst frisst dich die Sorge auf und gibt der Versuchung neue Nahrung. Der emotionale Schmerz, den du verspürt hast, war eine Warnung Gottes, dass du auf dem falschen Weg warst.
Wir haben Gottes Liebe und Gnade wieder zu schätzen gelernt. Wir haben eine Zärtlichkeit unserem Kampf gegenüber jeder Art von Sünde entwickelt und sind uns klar geworden, dass wir diesen Weg nicht alleine beschreiten können. Wir brauchen andere Christen.
Sie nahm dir den Respekt vor dir selbst und gab dir ein Schuldgefühl, sie nahm deine Ehre und gab dir Schande, sie nahm deine Aufrichtigkeit und gab dir ein Doppelleben, deine Sanftheit und machte einen wütenden Menschen aus dir. Sie hat dich dahin gebracht, Gott, deine Frau und Kinder, deine Freunde und alle, die dir vertrauten, zu betrügen. Sie versprach dir Linderung und gab dir nur Schmerz; sie versprach Liebe und gab nur Lust und Einsamkeit.
Erinnere dich aber auch, dass Gott Gutes aus all dem Unheil hervorbringen kann. Sonst frisst dich die Sorge auf und gibt der Versuchung neue Nahrung. Der emotionale Schmerz, den du verspürt hast, war eine Warnung Gottes, dass du auf dem falschen Weg warst.
Wir haben Gottes Liebe und Gnade wieder zu schätzen gelernt. Wir haben eine Zärtlichkeit unserem Kampf gegenüber jeder Art von Sünde entwickelt und sind uns klar geworden, dass wir diesen Weg nicht alleine beschreiten können. Wir brauchen andere Christen.
•Schreibe auf, auf welche Art und Weise dir Homosexualität Schmerz zugefügt hat. Dann schreibe auf, wie Gott Gutes aus all dem hervorbringen kann.
Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen Psalm 103 und preise Gott für seine Liebe und Gnade – für alles, was dir zuteil wird!
Lernen einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Kapitel auswendig!
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen Psalm 103 und preise Gott für seine Liebe und Gnade – für alles, was dir zuteil wird!
Lernen einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Kapitel auswendig!
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 4
"Wir haben begonnen, daran zu glauben, dass Gott die Macht der Homosexualität schon gebrochen hat und deshalb unsere wahre Persönlichkeit wiederherstellen konnte"
•Die Bibel lehrt uns, dass Gott sich nicht nur um unsere Vergangenheit kümmert, er verändert auch unsere Gegenwart und sichert unsere Zukunft. Am Kreuz hat er die eisernen Türen zerschmettert, mit denen Satan uns gefangen hielt. Gott selbst ist in unsere dunkle Zelle gekommen und reicht uns Seine Hand – Er ermutigt uns, mit Ihm ins Licht der Freiheit und Veränderung zu gehen!
„Satan ist darauf aus, unseren Körper zu schwächen, den Verstand zu täuschen und den Geist zu entmutigen. Er attackiert durch Moralvorstellungen, durch Geist und Verstand und durch Launen.“ (Vance Havner, Day By Day)
Satan verleumdet Gott uns gegenüber. Er stellt Ihn als willkürlich, selbstsüchtig und eifersüchtig auf die Glücklichkeit Seiner Geschöpfe dar. Jemand, den man eher fürchten als lieben sollte. Das wird aber alleine schon dadurch entkräftet, dass Gott Seinen einzigen Sohn für uns hingegeben hat. Ebenso entkräften dies all die guten Menschen, die ihr Leben um Christus willen verlieren.
„Satan ist darauf aus, unseren Körper zu schwächen, den Verstand zu täuschen und den Geist zu entmutigen. Er attackiert durch Moralvorstellungen, durch Geist und Verstand und durch Launen.“ (Vance Havner, Day By Day)
Satan verleumdet Gott uns gegenüber. Er stellt Ihn als willkürlich, selbstsüchtig und eifersüchtig auf die Glücklichkeit Seiner Geschöpfe dar. Jemand, den man eher fürchten als lieben sollte. Das wird aber alleine schon dadurch entkräftet, dass Gott Seinen einzigen Sohn für uns hingegeben hat. Ebenso entkräften dies all die guten Menschen, die ihr Leben um Christus willen verlieren.
Wird Homosexualität von Dämonen verursacht? Zu Jesu Zeiten waren diese Helfer Satans naturgemäß sehr aktiv. Heutzutage aber sollte man sehr vorsichtig sein, Homosexualität auf dämonische Aktivitäten abzuwälzen. Das heißt nicht, dass es sie nicht mehr gibt. Würde man aber bei Dieben davon ausgehen, dass sie alle von Dämonen besessen sind? Wohl kaum. Wer behauptet, dass alle homosexuellen Probleme dämonischen Ursprungs sind, lässt die Betroffenen in einem hoffnungslosen Zustand zurück. Sie werden dann auch den psychologischen Aspekt von Homosexualität vernachlässigen – schließlich sind die Dämonen schuld. Er (sie) wird sich hoffnungslos fühlen, da er (sie) keine eigene Wahl mehr hat, sondern das Opfer von Dämonen ist.
Wenn nötig, sollte aber das Thema Erlösung angegangen werden. Erlösung alleine löst aber noch keine Beziehungsprobleme, sie ändert nicht den Charakter oder die Einstellung eines Menschen oder gar die Beziehung zu Gott. Erlösung entfernt nur einen negativen Einfluss aus dem Leben eines Menschen und hilft ihm, als Christ zu wachsen.
Wenn nötig, sollte aber das Thema Erlösung angegangen werden. Erlösung alleine löst aber noch keine Beziehungsprobleme, sie ändert nicht den Charakter oder die Einstellung eines Menschen oder gar die Beziehung zu Gott. Erlösung entfernt nur einen negativen Einfluss aus dem Leben eines Menschen und hilft ihm, als Christ zu wachsen.
•Satans Macht wurde am Kreuz gebrochen!
„Oberflächliche Ansichten des Wirken von Christus produzieren oberflächliche Leben.“ (D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, The Cross).
Manche werden fragen: „Wenn die Macht Satans und seiner Verbündeten am Kreuz gebrochen wurde, warum habe ich dann solche Schwierigkeiten, Freiheit von der Homosexualität zu finden? Warum ist mein innerer Kampf so schmerzhaft? Warum falle ich ab und zu?“ Unsere Situation ist vergleichbar mit der der Alliierten im 2. Weltkrieg. Nach der Landung in der Normandie war Hitler‘s Macht gebrochen. Nach dem D Day war es bis zum endgültigen Sieg nur noch eine Frage der Zeit. Es gab noch einige blutige Schlachten zu bestehen, aber die Nazis waren erledigt!
„Oberflächliche Ansichten des Wirken von Christus produzieren oberflächliche Leben.“ (D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, The Cross).
Manche werden fragen: „Wenn die Macht Satans und seiner Verbündeten am Kreuz gebrochen wurde, warum habe ich dann solche Schwierigkeiten, Freiheit von der Homosexualität zu finden? Warum ist mein innerer Kampf so schmerzhaft? Warum falle ich ab und zu?“ Unsere Situation ist vergleichbar mit der der Alliierten im 2. Weltkrieg. Nach der Landung in der Normandie war Hitler‘s Macht gebrochen. Nach dem D Day war es bis zum endgültigen Sieg nur noch eine Frage der Zeit. Es gab noch einige blutige Schlachten zu bestehen, aber die Nazis waren erledigt!
•„Versuche nie, es mit der Versuchung alleine aufzunehmen, sondern suche bei Gott Beistand in deinem Kampf.“ (The Complete Works of Thomas Manton)
Wir kämpfen nicht für einen Sieg in ferner Zukunft, sondern für den schon von Christus am Kreuz gewonnenen Sieg! Für uns geht es nicht mehr länger um Sünde, sondern um Glauben! Wir müssen uns selbst fragen, „Werde ich weiter verzweifelt beten „Bitte hilf mir dabei, meine Homosexualität zu überwinden“ oder werde ich kühn im Glauben sagen, „Danke, Herr, dass du schon die Macht der Homosexualität am Kreuz gebrochen hast“?“
Wenn starke homosexuelle Gefühle hochkommen, mögen wir es so empfinden, als ob Gott sich zurückzieht und uns verlässt. Wenn wir diesem Gefühl nachgeben, werden wir unvermeidlich anfangen zu sagen: „Warum widerstehen? Da Gott mich in der Stunde der Not verlässt, ist alles verloren. Warum nicht mich selbst verlassen?“ Glaube jedoch kämpft und verwendet „das Schwert des Geistes, das ist das Wort Gottes“ (Epheser 6:17)!
Wir kämpfen nicht für einen Sieg in ferner Zukunft, sondern für den schon von Christus am Kreuz gewonnenen Sieg! Für uns geht es nicht mehr länger um Sünde, sondern um Glauben! Wir müssen uns selbst fragen, „Werde ich weiter verzweifelt beten „Bitte hilf mir dabei, meine Homosexualität zu überwinden“ oder werde ich kühn im Glauben sagen, „Danke, Herr, dass du schon die Macht der Homosexualität am Kreuz gebrochen hast“?“
Wenn starke homosexuelle Gefühle hochkommen, mögen wir es so empfinden, als ob Gott sich zurückzieht und uns verlässt. Wenn wir diesem Gefühl nachgeben, werden wir unvermeidlich anfangen zu sagen: „Warum widerstehen? Da Gott mich in der Stunde der Not verlässt, ist alles verloren. Warum nicht mich selbst verlassen?“ Glaube jedoch kämpft und verwendet „das Schwert des Geistes, das ist das Wort Gottes“ (Epheser 6:17)!
•Glaube sagt: „Vater, ich weiß, diese homosexuellen Gefühle sind falsch und ich will frei von ihnen sein. Aber ich werde nicht frei sein, wenn ich mir selbst erlaube, zu denken, dass Du genau dann von mir weg gehst, wenn ich Dich am meisten brauche. Jesus wurde an meiner Stelle verlassen (siehe Matthäus 27:46). Deshalb hast Du versprochen, mich nie zu verlassen (siehe Hebräer 13:5). Ich bin nicht verlassen! Jesu‘ Blut reinigt mich von jeder Sünde (siehe 1. Johannes 1:7). In Deinen Augen bin ich nicht schmutzig! Dir ekelt nicht vor mir! Jesus ist meine Sühne (siehe Römer 3:25) – mein Verdammnis-entfernendes Opfer. Du bist nicht mehr wütend auf mich. Jesus ist meine Gerechtigkeit (siehe 2. Korinther 5:21). Deshalb verurteilst du mich nicht. Du nimmst mich völlig an – trotz allem, was ich bin oder getan habe. Du wirst mir Sünde nicht anrechnen (siehe Römer 4:8). Du wirst mir meine sündige Natur oder meine sündigen Taten nicht anrechnen. Ich geben diese Gefühle des Verlassenseins auf. Ich empfange die Wahrheit der Schrift. Ich glaube jetzt, dass du mit mir durch diesen Kampf gehst, sodass er seine Macht verliert.“
•Das Gesetz hat uns gelehrt, Gutes und Böses zu unterscheiden. Wir dürfen aber nicht auf das Gesetz schauen, um Gerechtigkeit oder Stärke zu bekommen. Das Gesetz ist nicht unser Retter! Wir dürfen nur zu Jesus schauen, der unsere Schuld entfernt, sowie um all die Gerechtigkeit zu bekommen (siehe Johannes 1:29 und Philipper 3:8-9). Wir dürfen nur zum Heiligen Geist schauen, um Kraft zu bekommen (siehe Apostelgeschichte 1:8).
Wir müssen völlig frei vom Gesetz sein, um mit Jesus eins zu werden. Wenn wir noch unter dem Gesetz sind, suchen wir die Errettung durch unsere eigenen Werke; wenn wir in Christus sind, sagen wir: Sicherlich haben wir im Herrn Gerechtigkeit und Stärke“.
Wir müssen völlig frei vom Gesetz sein, um mit Jesus eins zu werden. Wenn wir noch unter dem Gesetz sind, suchen wir die Errettung durch unsere eigenen Werke; wenn wir in Christus sind, sagen wir: Sicherlich haben wir im Herrn Gerechtigkeit und Stärke“.
Nach einem Fehltritt oder wenn wir die Versuchung fühlen, übermannt uns vielleicht die Depression. Wir fühlen uns innerlich tot und finden es schwer, zu beten. Nichts scheint zu funktionieren und wir wollen Gott sogar gar nicht mehr. Wir fühlen uns verdammt und brechen den Kontakt ab. Ein Gefühl der Einsamkeit und Hoffnungslosigkeit überflutet unsere Seele. Verzweiflung ergreift uns. Wenn wir diesen Gefühlen nachgeben, sagen wir unvermeidlich: „Wie kann Gott irgendein Interesse an mir haben wenn ich keine Sehnsucht nach Ihm habe? Was ist der Sinn davon? Ich gebe auf!“ Glaube jedoch sagt: „Vater, ich bringe diese Gefühle vor dich hin. Ich will eigentlich den Kontakt gar nicht mehr aufrecht erhalten, aber ich werde es trotzdem tun. Vater, ich gestehe, dass ich keine Sehnsucht mehr nach dir habe. Die Bibel erscheint mir fad, Gebet nutzlos und die Gemeinde langweilig. Ich fühle mich innerlich tot! Aber ich danke Dir, dass dieser Tod keine Macht über meinen Geist hat, der an der Wiederauferstehung von Christus teil hat. Tod hat keine Macht über Ihn. Dieses Todesgefühl bin nicht ich.Mein wahres Ich ist mit Christus auferstanden.“ (Colin Cook, Homosexuality: An Open Door?). Ich weigere mich, unter die Macht des Todes zu kommen. Durch den Glauben erkenne ich an, dass mein Geist mit Christus lebt. Danke dass – sobald ich mich lebendig in Gott durch Christus sehe (siehe Römer 6:11), Hoffnung wiederaufkommen wird und ich neue Freude in Dir finden werde.“
„Als August kurz nach seiner Konvertierung auf der Strasse von einer früheren Geliebten aus seinen sündigen und zügellosen Tagen angesprochen wurde, drehte er sich um und ging in die andere Richtung. Überrascht rief die Frau aus: „August, ich bin es doch!“. Aber August setzte seinen Weg fort und rief zu ihr zurück: „Ja, aber ich bin es nicht mehr.“ (Clarence Edward Macartney, Great Interviews of Jesus).
Schreibe über deinen letzten ernsten Kampf mit homosexuellen Versuchungen. Welche Waffen hat Satan gegen dich verwendet – Verurteilung, Sünde, Gesetz und/oder Tod? Wie hat er sie verwendet? Wie hast du geantwortet? Wie wirst du beim nächsten Mal antworten?
Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen laut Psalm 27 und preise dabei Gott, dass die Macht der Homosexualität schon gebrochen ist und dass er nun deine ware Persönlichkeit wiederherstellt!
Schreibe über deinen letzten ernsten Kampf mit homosexuellen Versuchungen. Welche Waffen hat Satan gegen dich verwendet – Verurteilung, Sünde, Gesetz und/oder Tod? Wie hat er sie verwendet? Wie hast du geantwortet? Wie wirst du beim nächsten Mal antworten?
Lies jeden Morgen nach dem Aufwachen und jeden Abend vor dem Schlafengehen laut Psalm 27 und preise dabei Gott, dass die Macht der Homosexualität schon gebrochen ist und dass er nun deine ware Persönlichkeit wiederherstellt!
•Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus dieser Lektion auswendig!
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 5
"Uns ist klar geworden, dass wir an eine Lüge über uns selbst geglaubt haben, eine Illusion, die uns in eine falsche Identität gelockt hat."
Wer bin ich wirklich? Diese Frage hat uns viele Jahre lang verfolgt. Homosexualität ist nicht nur ein sexuelles, sonder vor allem ein Identitäts-Problem.
Auf unsere Gefühle oder Gedanken konnten wir uns dabei nicht verlassen – sie waren von der Vergangenheit verzerrt. Wir konnten auch nicht auf die Freunde vertrauen, die eine ebenso verzerrte Sichtweise hatten. Und wir hatten Angst, dass andere, die unseren inneren Kampf nicht teilten, ihn auch nicht verstehen konnten. Wem also sollten wir vertrauen?
„Es ist sicher, dass wir Menschen kein klares Wissen über uns selbst erhalten werden, solange wir nicht zuerst zu Gott blicken – und dann – indem wir Ihn betrachten, uns selbst erforschen können.“ (John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion)
Gott hat unsere ersten Eltern nach seinem Bild erschaffen. Sie kannten Gott, verstanden einander, kamen gut miteinander aus und genossen ein Leben voller gesunder Liebe.
Sünde hat das alles geändert. Wenn wir nun Menschen ansehen, sehen wir nicht mehr länger das reine Abbild Gottes, sondern ein Bündel von Problemen.
Auf unsere Gefühle oder Gedanken konnten wir uns dabei nicht verlassen – sie waren von der Vergangenheit verzerrt. Wir konnten auch nicht auf die Freunde vertrauen, die eine ebenso verzerrte Sichtweise hatten. Und wir hatten Angst, dass andere, die unseren inneren Kampf nicht teilten, ihn auch nicht verstehen konnten. Wem also sollten wir vertrauen?
„Es ist sicher, dass wir Menschen kein klares Wissen über uns selbst erhalten werden, solange wir nicht zuerst zu Gott blicken – und dann – indem wir Ihn betrachten, uns selbst erforschen können.“ (John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion)
Gott hat unsere ersten Eltern nach seinem Bild erschaffen. Sie kannten Gott, verstanden einander, kamen gut miteinander aus und genossen ein Leben voller gesunder Liebe.
Sünde hat das alles geändert. Wenn wir nun Menschen ansehen, sehen wir nicht mehr länger das reine Abbild Gottes, sondern ein Bündel von Problemen.
•Weil wir verstanden, dass die verzerrten Ideen über Gott zu einer verdrehten Auffassung von uns selbst führten, begannen wir, Gottes Angesicht durch Sein Wort und Seinen Sohn zu schauen. Wir fanden heraus, dass er weder weit weg noch ein Tyrann ist. Nun können wir auch anfangen, uns selbst besser zu verstehen. Zuerst müssen wir der Lüge ins Gesicht sehen, die wir über uns selbst angenommen haben – dann können wir die Wahrheit annehmen, die wir vermisst haben.
Obwohl wir vielleicht auf Christus vertraut haben und uns vollständig vergeben wurde und wir von unserem himmlischen Vater angenommen wurden, halten wir Ihn vielleicht immer noch auf Distanz und suchen anderswo nach Erfüllung – wegen unserer Ängste und verzerrten Vorstellungen. Somit versäumen wir wahre Befriedigung.
Die Bibel spricht von Gottes Zorn, versichert uns aber auch, dass Gott Liebe ist – immer und unveränderlich. Wie kann beides wahr sein? Da Gott uns liebt, muss er auf die Sünde reagieren, die für uns und andere so zerstörerisch ist.
Obwohl wir vielleicht auf Christus vertraut haben und uns vollständig vergeben wurde und wir von unserem himmlischen Vater angenommen wurden, halten wir Ihn vielleicht immer noch auf Distanz und suchen anderswo nach Erfüllung – wegen unserer Ängste und verzerrten Vorstellungen. Somit versäumen wir wahre Befriedigung.
Die Bibel spricht von Gottes Zorn, versichert uns aber auch, dass Gott Liebe ist – immer und unveränderlich. Wie kann beides wahr sein? Da Gott uns liebt, muss er auf die Sünde reagieren, die für uns und andere so zerstörerisch ist.
•Die Bibel lehrt uns, dass Gottes Zorn sich darin zeigt, dass Er Männer und Frauen der vollen Kraft der Sünde überlässt. Gott verlässt sie nicht, aber in seiner harten Liebe erlaubt er es, dass sie die Ergebnisse ihrer jämmerlichen Wahl erleiden, sodass sie – indem sie über die Erfahrung von Schmerz und Kummer hinaus blicken – beginnen anzuerkennen, dass Gott alleine ihr wahrer Freund und Hilfe ist.
•„Als Helen Keller (die im Alter von 19 Monaten krankheitsbedingt dauerhaft blind und taub wurde) zehn Jahre alt war, hat ihr Vater Phillips Brooks gebeten, ihr von Gott zu erzählen. Gerne tat er dies und die beiden korrespondierten Zeit seines Lebens. Brooks war zutiefst beeindruckt von der Bemerkung, die sie machte, nachdem sie sich das erste Mal zusammen unterhalten haben – nämlich, dass sie schon immer wusste, dass es da einen Gott gab, aber zuvor seinen Namen noch nicht gekannt hat.“ (Andrew W. Blackwood, Expository Preaching for Today)
•„Du kannst es immer wieder hören – alle Arten von zweitrangigen Lösungen für zweitrangige Probleme. Natürlich sind das Probleme, aber sie sind nicht das zentrale Problem... Der wahre Grund, warum wir in einer derart schlimmen Lage sind, ist, dass wir uns von dem Gott abgewendet haben, der da ist und der Wahrheit, die er enthüllt hat. Das Problem ist, dass jedes Haus so heruntergekommen ist, dass jedes kleinere Erdbeben es bis in die Grundfesten erschüttern lässt.“ (Francis Schaeffer, Death in the City)
•„Das gefallene Ich kann sich selbst nicht kennen. Wir wissen nicht, wer wir sind und werden eine Identität in jemand oder etwas anderes als Gott suchen, bis wir uns selbst in Ihm gefunden haben.“ (Leanne Payne, The Broken Image)
„Wenn du Gottes Wahrheit verachtest, wirst du dich in Satan‘s Lüge verlieben.“ (A.W. Pink, The Sermon on the Mount)
„Andere Sklaven werden gegen ihren Willen gezwungen... Aber Sünder sind freiwillig Sklaven. Sie werden ihre Freiheit nicht annehmen – sie küssen ihre Fesseln.“ (Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity)
„Wenn du Gottes Wahrheit verachtest, wirst du dich in Satan‘s Lüge verlieben.“ (A.W. Pink, The Sermon on the Mount)
„Andere Sklaven werden gegen ihren Willen gezwungen... Aber Sünder sind freiwillig Sklaven. Sie werden ihre Freiheit nicht annehmen – sie küssen ihre Fesseln.“ (Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity)
•Es ist so dumm von der modernen Zivilisation, dass sie aufgegeben hat, an den Teufel zu glauben, wo er doch die einzige Erklärung für sie ist.“ (Ronald Knox in The World Treasury of Religious Quotations)
Im Römerbrief lesen wir, dass Gott Menschen, die sich von Ihm abwenden, der Unzucht überlässt, sowie der Homosexualität und anderen Unzulänglichkeiten. Wir können das Gleichnis vom verlorenen Sohn als Beispiel nehmen: Der Vater gibt den Sohn auf, der ihn vergessen hat: er lässt ihn gehen. Unser Vater im Himmel hält auch niemanden zurück. Aber er vergisst oder verlässt uns nicht, wenn er uns gehen lässt. Er wartet und hält Ausschau nach dem, der weggelaufen ist und wartet darauf, dass er von seinem Lebenswandel umkehrt. Er gibt uns also nicht auf, um uns zu zerstören, sondern um uns zu retten. (Walter Luthi, The Letter to the Romans)
Im Römerbrief lesen wir, dass Gott Menschen, die sich von Ihm abwenden, der Unzucht überlässt, sowie der Homosexualität und anderen Unzulänglichkeiten. Wir können das Gleichnis vom verlorenen Sohn als Beispiel nehmen: Der Vater gibt den Sohn auf, der ihn vergessen hat: er lässt ihn gehen. Unser Vater im Himmel hält auch niemanden zurück. Aber er vergisst oder verlässt uns nicht, wenn er uns gehen lässt. Er wartet und hält Ausschau nach dem, der weggelaufen ist und wartet darauf, dass er von seinem Lebenswandel umkehrt. Er gibt uns also nicht auf, um uns zu zerstören, sondern um uns zu retten. (Walter Luthi, The Letter to the Romans)
•Als wir Gott verloren haben, haben wir uns selbst verloren. Viele von uns hatten Minderwertigkeitskomplexe, ein geringes Selbstwertgefühl, fühlten sich alleine und hatten Angst. Unser Inneres passte nicht zu dem, was wir von außen bei anderen sahen.
Wir fühlten uns schon früh losgelöst von unseren Eltern, Gleichaltrigen und uns selbst und haben uns in Fantasien, Pornos und Masturbation geflüchtet.
Unsere Gewohnheiten machten eine wahre Intimität unmöglich. Unsere Lust hat wahre Liebe getötet.
Wir haben von anderen genommen, was uns selbst fehlte.
Wir fühlten uns schon früh losgelöst von unseren Eltern, Gleichaltrigen und uns selbst und haben uns in Fantasien, Pornos und Masturbation geflüchtet.
Unsere Gewohnheiten machten eine wahre Intimität unmöglich. Unsere Lust hat wahre Liebe getötet.
Wir haben von anderen genommen, was uns selbst fehlte.
•„Homosexualität ist ein Problem, das durch Beziehungen gelöst werden muss. Die Lösung von gleichgeschlechtlichen Defiziten muss mittels nicht-sexueller Beziehungen zu Mitgliedern des gleichen Geschlechts geschehen... Es sind gute gleichgeschlechtliche Beziehungen, die nichtbefriedigte gleichgeschlechtliche Bedürfnisse stillen, Mängel in der Beziehungsfähigkeit heilen und somit den Heilungsprozess vorantreiben.“ (Elizabeth Moberly, Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic)
•„Viel von dem, was wir „hetero“ nennen, entspricht nicht Gottes Definition. Es ist nicht die Absicht Gottes, dich von einer Lust in die andere zu führen. Der Prozess der Veränderung umfasst ein „Entlernen“ des homosexuellen Zustands - und dann ein Lernen des heterosexuellen. Es ist wichtig, dass einem klar wird, dass viel von dem, was als normale heterosexuelle Veranlagung angesehen wird, ebenso ein gefallener Zustand ist.“ (Ed Hurst with Dave and Neta Jackson, Overcoming Homosexuality)
„“Anders“ zu sein oder andere Interessen zu haben als die Mehrzahl der Menschen unseres Geschlechts ist nicht das erste Anzeichen von Homosexualität. Jedoch kann die Intoleranz unserer Gesellschaft oder von Gleichaltrigen diesen Unterschieden gegenüber ein sexuelles Problem erzeugen. Als Junge in Frauenkleidern herumzulaufen, ist kein früher Hinweis auf Homosexualität. Der Wunsch, von anderen Menschen desselben Geschlechts beachtet zu werden ist ebenfalls keine Garantie für Homosexualität... „Jeder schaut sich im Umkleideraum um“...Das ist der „Gruppenzwang“ unserer Gesellschaft, der solch einen Druck erzeugt. Das gilt auch für sexuelles Experimentieren. Statistiken zeigen, dass eine große Zahl Jugendlicher gleichgeschlechtliche Erfahrungen haben, die ihnen durchaus gefallen haben – von gegenseitiger Masturbation bis hin zum oralen oder analen Geschlechtsverkehr. Die Auffassung „Wenn du wirklich hetero wärst, hätte es dir nicht gefallen“ ist falsch."
•„Als menschliche Wesen reagieren wir auf körperliche Stimulation. Das Reagieren auf schule Pornographie ist ebenfalls kein sicheres Zeichen von Homosexualität. Die meisten Männer werden leicht sexuell erregt, sodass sie sogar beim Anblick ihrer eigenen Geschlechtsorgane leicht erregt sind. Die Tatsache, dass ein Mann oder eine Frau keine „wirkliche Befriedigung“ in einer heterosexuellen Erfahrung gefunden hat kann ebenfalls ein Hinweis für viele verschiedene Sachen sein. Wenn diese Erfahrungen außerhalb einer Ehe geschehen sind, haben sie schon ein eingebautes potential für einen Fehltritt. Da gibt es die Unsicherheit, nicht zu wissen, wie lange es dauern wird. Mit keiner dauerhaften Verpflichtung liegt die Betonung mehr auf dem sexuellen Akt als auf wahrer Intimität. Diese und andere Faktoren können einen ernsthaften Effekt auf die Erfüllung haben.“ (Ed Hurst, Homosexuality: Laying the Axe to the Roots)
•„Sexuelle Fantasien stellen ein Bedürfnis dar – das aus ferner oder naher Vergangenheit oder der Gegenwart kommen kann. Das sollt man im Gedächtnis behalten, damit man diese Fantasien versteht“ (Dr. Christ Zoos, Think Like a Shrink)
„As Lesbe, die vor 4 ½ Jahren davon geheilt wurde, war ich sehr interessiert an der Antwort (auf die Frage, ob Homosexualität geheilt werden kann) und während 2 ½ dieser Jahre dachte ich, die Antwort sei „ja“. Während einer bestimmten Zeit meiner Therapie wechselte ich zum „nein“ – basierend auf meinen Erfahrungen in der intensivsten homosexuellen Beziehung, die ich jemals hatte. Und jetzt, nach fast einem Jahr Freiheit von dem zwanghaften Bedürfnis, eine Frau zu finden, die mich will, weiß ich, die Antwort ist ja.“ (Anonym – „Can Primal Therapy Cure Homosexuality“, The Journal of Primal Therapy)
„As Lesbe, die vor 4 ½ Jahren davon geheilt wurde, war ich sehr interessiert an der Antwort (auf die Frage, ob Homosexualität geheilt werden kann) und während 2 ½ dieser Jahre dachte ich, die Antwort sei „ja“. Während einer bestimmten Zeit meiner Therapie wechselte ich zum „nein“ – basierend auf meinen Erfahrungen in der intensivsten homosexuellen Beziehung, die ich jemals hatte. Und jetzt, nach fast einem Jahr Freiheit von dem zwanghaften Bedürfnis, eine Frau zu finden, die mich will, weiß ich, die Antwort ist ja.“ (Anonym – „Can Primal Therapy Cure Homosexuality“, The Journal of Primal Therapy)
•Schreibe auf, wie du dazu gekommen bist, zu glauben, du wärest homosexuell und es gäbe nichts, was du daran ändern könntest. Was hast du getan und was tust du, um dem zu entkommen? Welche Fortschritte hast du gemacht?
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Schritt auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Schritt auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 6
"Wir haben gelernt, unsere wahre Realität zu beanspruchen. Als Menschen sind wir nämlich Teil von Gottes heterosexueller Schöpfung und Gott will, dass wir diese Identität in Ihm durch Jesus Christus wieder entdecken - so wie Ihn unser Glaube wahrnimmt."
Anstatt unserer eigenen Dunkelheit zu vertrauen, müssen wir zu dem Einen schauen, der das Licht der Welt ist (Johannes 8:12). Wir müssen zu unserem Schöpfer blicken, als dessen Abbild wir erschaffen wurden, aber dessen Bild die Sünde verzerrt hat.Wir müssen Gott in Christus anschauen, so wie Er sich uns in der Schrift offenbart.
Sowohl Gott als auch der Mensch sind keine isolierten Wesen. Gott als Vater, Sohn und Heiliger Geist – und der Mensch als Mann und Frau. Beides kann nur als Einheit gesehen werden. Die Tatsache, dass Gott uns als Mann und Frau erschaffen hat, straft alle Ansätze, Geschlechtergrenzen zu überwinden und androgyne Wesen („crossdressing“) zu idealisieren, Lügen.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
•Um uns selbst zu finden, müssen wir von uns wegblicken. Wir müssen zugeben, dass die Sünde unsere Fähigkeit, unsere eigene Natur zu erkennen, verzerrt hat. Wir sind gefallene, gebrochene Männer und Frauen die nicht mehr die Wahrheit über sich selbst verstehen.
Anstatt unserer eigenen Dunkelheit zu vertrauen, müssen wir zu dem Einen schauen, der das Licht der Welt ist (Johannes 8:12). Wir müssen zu unserem Schöpfer blicken, als dessen Abbild wir erschaffen wurden, aber dessen Bild die Sünde verzerrt hat.Wir müssen Gott in Christus anschauen, so wie Er sich uns in der Schrift offenbart.
Sowohl Gott als auch der Mensch sind keine isolierten Wesen. Gott als Vater, Sohn und Heiliger Geist – und der Mensch als Mann und Frau. Beides kann nur als Einheit gesehen werden. Die Tatsache, dass Gott uns als Mann und Frau erschaffen hat, straft alle Ansätze, Geschlechtergrenzen zu überwinden und androgyne Wesen („crossdressing“) zu idealisieren, Lügen.
Ein Grund für den Unterschied der Geschlechter ist, dass die liebevolle Beziehung der drei Personen der Dreieinigkeit sich in der liebevollen Beziehung zwischen einem Mann und einer Frau in der Ehe spiegeln sollte. Mann und Frau zusammen ergeben das Abbild Gottes.
Als Abbild Gottes ist auch der Mensch Schöpfer – deshalb die menschliche Sexualität. Diese Teilnahme am Schöpfungsakt wurde durch die Schöpfung selbst aber auf die Vereinigung der beiden Geschlechter beschränkt.
Homosexualität sucht undifferenziertes Eins-Sein (die sexuelle Vereinigung zweier Männer oder Frauen) statt dem Eins-Sein in der Vereinigung Zweier, die dasselbe sind (menschlich) und doch unterschiedlich (Mann und Frau). Damit verleugnet sie die Schöpfungsabsicht.
Gott weist uns aber nicht zurück, wenn wir unfähig sind, zu heiraten. Wir sind von Gott nicht aufgrund unserer Werke angenommen, sondern aufgrund des Blutes und der Gerechtigkeit von Jesus. Es gibt keine Verurteilung für jemand, der aufrichtig an Ihn glaubt. Außerdem ist das Wiederentdecken unserer heterosexuellen Identität ein Prozess. Ein 6-jähriger ist ja auch noch nicht bereit für die Ehe!
Denn es ist so: Manche sind von Geburt an zur Ehe unfähig, manche sind von den Menschen dazu gemacht und manche haben sich selbst dazu gemacht - um des Himmelreiches willen. Wer das erfassen kann, der erfasse es. (Matthäus 19:12)
„Es war nicht Adam, der sich eine Frau als Gehilfin ausgedacht hat; sie war ausschließlich der Gedanke und Plan des Schöpfers. Er allein kannte die Bedürfnisse des Mannes und was diese völlig befriedigen würde.“ (Dwight Hervey Small, Christian: Celebrate Your Sexuality).
Als Abbild Gottes ist auch der Mensch Schöpfer – deshalb die menschliche Sexualität. Diese Teilnahme am Schöpfungsakt wurde durch die Schöpfung selbst aber auf die Vereinigung der beiden Geschlechter beschränkt.
Homosexualität sucht undifferenziertes Eins-Sein (die sexuelle Vereinigung zweier Männer oder Frauen) statt dem Eins-Sein in der Vereinigung Zweier, die dasselbe sind (menschlich) und doch unterschiedlich (Mann und Frau). Damit verleugnet sie die Schöpfungsabsicht.
Gott weist uns aber nicht zurück, wenn wir unfähig sind, zu heiraten. Wir sind von Gott nicht aufgrund unserer Werke angenommen, sondern aufgrund des Blutes und der Gerechtigkeit von Jesus. Es gibt keine Verurteilung für jemand, der aufrichtig an Ihn glaubt. Außerdem ist das Wiederentdecken unserer heterosexuellen Identität ein Prozess. Ein 6-jähriger ist ja auch noch nicht bereit für die Ehe!
Denn es ist so: Manche sind von Geburt an zur Ehe unfähig, manche sind von den Menschen dazu gemacht und manche haben sich selbst dazu gemacht - um des Himmelreiches willen. Wer das erfassen kann, der erfasse es. (Matthäus 19:12)
•Unsere Aufgabe ist es, unsere wahre Realität anzuerkennen, an der Heilung unserer Wunden zu arbeiten und die Mauern niederzureißen, die uns davon abgehalten haben, unsere Bedürfnisse auf die richtige Art und Weise befriedigen zu können, eine gesunde Beziehung mit Gott und anderen Menschen desselben Geschlechts aufzubauen, sodass unsere Bedürfnisse befriedigt werden können und offen dafür zu bleiben, unsere wahre Identität in unserer Erfahrung wieder zu entdecken, wenn wir dafür bereit sind.
•Wenn wir immer noch Angst haben, haben wir vielleicht die Tatsache noch nicht akzeptiert, dass wir gefallene Geschöpfe sind und dass die Errettung uns noch nicht perfektioniert hat. Wir müssen Geduld haben. Gott ist noch nicht mit uns fertig!
„Es war nicht Adam, der sich eine Frau als Gehilfin ausgedacht hat; sie war ausschließlich der Gedanke und Plan des Schöpfers. Er allein kannte die Bedürfnisse des Mannes und was diese völlig befriedigen würde.“ (Dwight Hervey Small, Christian: Celebrate Your Sexuality).
„Der mächtige sexuelle Drang, den man in der Menschheit findet, erklärt sich durch die Tatsache, dass Gott Mann und Frau so erschaffen hat, dass sie ein starkes Bedürfnis haben, wieder ein Fleisch zu werden, da sie ja aus einem Fleisch kommen. Vers 24 beantwortet die Frage, warum ein Mann Vater und Mutter verlässt und sich an seine Frau bindet. Monogamie ist tief in der von Gott geschaffenen Ordnung des Universums verwurzelt. Obwohl Moses den göttlichen Plan verändern und Scheidung aufgrund der Sünde erlauben musste (Deut. 24:1-4), argumentiert Jesus im Neuen Testament gegen die Scheidung auf der Basis dieser Passage in Genesis (Matth. 19:3-9) und Paulus sieht in der Verbindung von Mann und Frau den höchsten weltlichen Ausdruck der idealen Beziehung zwischen Christus und Seiner Kirche (Eph. 5:31-32). Heirat gehört zu Gottes‘ reiner Schöpfung von Anfang an. Es gibt nichts Falsches in der sexuellen Anziehung zwischen Mann und Frau.“ (Charles T. Fritsch, „The Book of Genesis“, The Layman‘s Bible Commentary).
•Wir wissen, dass Gott uns liebt und deshalb wollen wir auch das erfahren, von dem Er uns sagt, dass es richtig für uns ist. Um unsere heterosexuelle Identität zu erfahren, werden all die unter uns, die noch unverheiratet sind, eine Zeit der Enthaltsamkeit auf sich nehmen müssen. Homosexuelle Aktivitäten und Masturbation zu homoerotischen Fantasien blockiert unseren Fortschritt und wir müssen damit umgehen. Für uns ist die Enthaltsamkeit ein notwendiger Hafen auf der Reise zur Freiheit.
Wir dürfen diesen Hafen aber nicht mit dem Ziel verwechseln. Einige von uns sehen zwanghafte Aktivitäten bezwungen und waren in Versuchung, unseren Kampf um gute Beziehungen zu Gott und anderen sowie um die Arbeit an alten Verletzungen, vergrabenen Emotionen und charakterlichen Defiziten zu vernachlässigen. Wir sind an einem Platz angekommen, wo wir uns wohl fühlten und manche wollten hier bleiben.
Wenn wir den Segen, den Gott für uns bereithält, nicht vermissen wollen, müssen wir nach der vollständigen Heilung drängen. Das Zölibat anstatt die Heilung zu wählen heißt, weiterhin Sklaverei und Verzerrung in Kauf zu nehmen. Wenn unsere Wunden geheilt und unsere Heterosexualität wiederhergestellt ist, dann können wir voller Freude und freiwillig ein enthaltsames Leben in Anspruch nehmen, sollten wir denn hierzu berufen sein. Nicht wegen ungelöster psychologischer Probleme, sondern aus Gehorsam und Liebe Christus gegenüber.
Wir dürfen diesen Hafen aber nicht mit dem Ziel verwechseln. Einige von uns sehen zwanghafte Aktivitäten bezwungen und waren in Versuchung, unseren Kampf um gute Beziehungen zu Gott und anderen sowie um die Arbeit an alten Verletzungen, vergrabenen Emotionen und charakterlichen Defiziten zu vernachlässigen. Wir sind an einem Platz angekommen, wo wir uns wohl fühlten und manche wollten hier bleiben.
Wenn wir den Segen, den Gott für uns bereithält, nicht vermissen wollen, müssen wir nach der vollständigen Heilung drängen. Das Zölibat anstatt die Heilung zu wählen heißt, weiterhin Sklaverei und Verzerrung in Kauf zu nehmen. Wenn unsere Wunden geheilt und unsere Heterosexualität wiederhergestellt ist, dann können wir voller Freude und freiwillig ein enthaltsames Leben in Anspruch nehmen, sollten wir denn hierzu berufen sein. Nicht wegen ungelöster psychologischer Probleme, sondern aus Gehorsam und Liebe Christus gegenüber.
Lasst uns im Glauben und nicht in Furcht voranschreiten. „Homosexuell Veranlagte haben anfangs – selbst wenn sie eine Veränderung wollen – ernsthafte Zweifel, ob es realistische Chancen auf eine tiefgehende Verbesserung gibt. Es gibt periodisch wiederkehrende Zweifel, ungeachtet einem klar beobachtbaren Fortschritt... Diese Zweifel sind nur eine andere Variante des neurotischen Klagens: „Ich werde nie normal sein; es ist mein Schicksal; ich Armer!“ Deshalb sind Hoffnung und Glaube ausgezeichnete Hindernisse für diese schädlichen Gedanken, die dem Betroffenen Enthusiasmus und Energie entziehen (...) Ein realistischer Standpunkt ist ebenfalls ein gutes Heilmittel gegen diese lähmenden Gedanken: „Auf jeden Fall sehe ich ein, dass ich das bekämpfen muss, was ich als kindisch und falsch erkannt habe – und wenn ich konsequent so weiter mache, wird es auch einen Fortschritt geben. (...) Wir können immer wieder feststellen, dass man mit etwas Anstrengung glücklicher wird. Man sollte nicht von der Frage besessen sein, ob man tatsächlich 100 % erreicht, sondern zufrieden und glücklich über jeden Schritt vorwärts sein.“ (Gerard van den Aardweg, Homosexuality and Hope)
•Die Sünde hat die Beziehung des Mannes mit seinem Schöpfer und seiner Gefährtin verdorben. Sie hat dazu geführt, dass er sich vor Gott versteckte und einer anderen die Schuld gab – und seine Kinder sind in seine Fußstapfen getreten.
„Der Beziehungsbruch zwischen Mensch und Gott bedeutet, dass das Bild von Gott im Menschen ebenso zerbrochen ist. Das heißt nicht, dass es nicht mehr existiert, aber es wurde entstellt.“ (Emil Brunner, Man in Revolt)
„Eines der ersten Dinge, die man einem Mann oder einer Frau sagen sollte, die Angst haben, es gäbe keine Hoffnung auf Heilung seiner oder ihrer Geschlechts-Verwirrung, ist, ihm bzw. ihr zu versichern, dass es genau genommen gar keinen Schwulen oder Lesbe gibt. Es gibt nur eine Person (wie schrecklich!), geschaffen als Abbild Gottes – eine Person, die von einem lebenswichtigen Teil von sich selbst abgeschnitten wurde. Gott hilft uns mit Freude, diesen verlorenen Teil wieder zu finden, ihn zu bekräftigen und zu segnen.“ (Leanne Payne, The Healing of the Homosexual)
„Der Beziehungsbruch zwischen Mensch und Gott bedeutet, dass das Bild von Gott im Menschen ebenso zerbrochen ist. Das heißt nicht, dass es nicht mehr existiert, aber es wurde entstellt.“ (Emil Brunner, Man in Revolt)
„Eines der ersten Dinge, die man einem Mann oder einer Frau sagen sollte, die Angst haben, es gäbe keine Hoffnung auf Heilung seiner oder ihrer Geschlechts-Verwirrung, ist, ihm bzw. ihr zu versichern, dass es genau genommen gar keinen Schwulen oder Lesbe gibt. Es gibt nur eine Person (wie schrecklich!), geschaffen als Abbild Gottes – eine Person, die von einem lebenswichtigen Teil von sich selbst abgeschnitten wurde. Gott hilft uns mit Freude, diesen verlorenen Teil wieder zu finden, ihn zu bekräftigen und zu segnen.“ (Leanne Payne, The Healing of the Homosexual)
•Dr. Irving Bieber und sein Untersuchungsteam von 77 Analysten, jeder Mitglied der „Society of Medical Psychoanalysis“ lieferten Information über zwei Patienten-Untersuchungen bestehend aus 106 männlichen Homosexuellen und einer Vergleichsgruppe von 100 männlichen Heterosexuellen. Nach neun Jahren sorgfältiger Forschung haben sie festgestellt: „Unserer Ansicht nach ist jeder Homosexueller tatsächlich ein „latenter“ Heterosexueller.“ Sie fanden heraus, dass „fast die Hälfte der Homosexuellen über heterosexuelle erotische Träume berichteten, im Vergleich zu 25 % der Vergleichsgruppe mit homosexuellen Träumen. Es war klar, dass die Homosexuellen kein ausschließliches Interesse an Männern in ihren Träumen zeigten. Es ist ebenso bemerkenswert, dass es doppelt so viele Homosexuelle gab, die heterosexuelle Träume hatten als Heterosexuelle mit homosexuellen Träumen.“ „Weitergehende Daten indizieren, dass männliche Homosexuelle eindeutige Beweise für ein grundlegendes heterosexuelles Potential zeigen – am ehesten zu erkennen in Bisexuellen, aber auch nachzuweisen in ausschließlich homosexuellen Patienten.“ Drs. Louis S. London and Frank S. Caprio stellen fest: „Psychoanalyse hat bewiesen, dass alle Homosexuellen heterosexuelle Tendenzen in früheren Jahren zeigten.“ (Sexual Deviations)
•Zwei schwule Männer beschreiben ihren Lebensstil wie folgt: „Viele Psychologen, Soziologen und gelehrte Menschen haben ausführlich geschrieben über die Einsamkeit der Menschen in der heutigen unpersönlichen und mechanisierten Welt voller nutzloser Sachen, Technologien und wissenschaftlichem Management. Der Homosexuelle ist vielleicht noch mehr alleine wegen seiner Homosexualität. (...) Er denkt, dass er noch verzweifelter jemand braucht, mit dem er sein Leben teilt – wegen seines erhöhten Bedürfnisses nach Kommunikation mit Gleichgesinnten, sodass er sich nicht so alleine fühlen muss. Als Ergebnis davon sucht er eifrig nach dem Idealtypen, der – so denkt er – dem Problem und seiner Suche ein Ende setzen wird. Er ist vielleicht kein Trinker, aber er geht in Gay Bars, cruist in den Strassen und taucht ab und zu an Orten auf, wo sich Homosexuelle treffen, immer auf der suche nach diesem Traumprinzen. Jedes sexuelle Erlebnis wird hoffentlich das „wahre“ sein, aber für gewöhnlich sind zahlreiche kurzlebige Affairen das Ergebnis. Zeit geht vorüber. Jahre gehen vorbei. Die Attraktivität der Jugend schwindet dahin. Die Muskeln werden schwabblig. Er bekommt immer mehr graue Haare. Langsam fallen sie ihm aus. Die Affairen gehen weiter. Je älter der Mann wird, desto härter muss er daran arbeiten, andere zu überreden, Interesse an ihm zu finden. Wenn das fehl schlägt, kommt es zur Verzweiflung im Alter, die nur durch den unvermeidlichen Tod endet.“ (Donald Webster Cory and John P. LeRoy, The Homosexual and His Society: A View From Within)
•„Fast alle Homosexuelle sagen selbst – obwohl sie ständig betonen, wie zufrieden sie damit sind, homosexuell zu sein – dass sie – sollten sie selbst Kinder haben – es ihnen nicht wünschen würden, selbst homosexuell zu sein. Martin Weinberg sagt, dass alle Homosexuellen, die er interviewt hat, völlig der Zeile in dem Stück „The Boys in the Band“ zustimmen, wo es heißt: „Zeig mir einen glücklichen Homosexuellen und ich zeige dir eine glückliche Leiche (Show me a happy homosexual and I show you a gay corpse)“ (...) Es macht wenig Sinn, in Homosexualität etwas anderes zu sehen als zwanghaftes Verhalten.“ (Arno Karlen, Sexuality and Homosexuality)
Gott hat in Liebe zu uns gesprochen, um uns das zu ersparen. Gott hat zu uns gesprochen, um uns davor zu bewahren, unsere wahre Identität zu versäumen sowie die Möglichkeit des Segens von Frau und Kindern. Wir sind nicht darauf beschränkt, unser Leben alleine und gegen Gottes Willen zu verbringen. Wir können wählen, Gottes Ruf zu folgen um unsere gottgegebene Heterosexualität durch den Glauben an Jesus Christus wieder zu entdecken!
Gott hat in Liebe zu uns gesprochen, um uns das zu ersparen. Gott hat zu uns gesprochen, um uns davor zu bewahren, unsere wahre Identität zu versäumen sowie die Möglichkeit des Segens von Frau und Kindern. Wir sind nicht darauf beschränkt, unser Leben alleine und gegen Gottes Willen zu verbringen. Wir können wählen, Gottes Ruf zu folgen um unsere gottgegebene Heterosexualität durch den Glauben an Jesus Christus wieder zu entdecken!
„Jeder Homosexuelle hat irgendeinen emotionalen Entzug erfahren, der ihn dazu gebracht hat, sexuelle Erfahrungen mit dem eigenen Geschlecht zu suchen. Er denkt, das Wort homosexuell ist eine grundlegende Beschreibung seiner persönlichen Identität, dass es das wiederspiegelt, was er wirklich ist. Aber in dem Moment, wo er ein Christ wird, erhält er eine neue Identität in Christus (...) Anstatt in Adam zu bleiben wie alle Ungläubigen, ist der Christ, der mit Homosexualität kämpft, nun „in Christus“, mit all den Rechten und Privilegien, die eine solche Veränderung begleiten. Der Schlüssel in unserer Überwindung von gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen ist es, nicht zu glauben, was unsere Emotionen und Gedanken uns sagen und im Gegenzug das zu glauben, was Gott über uns gesagt hat. Nur solch ein Glaube kann den Sieg von Christus annehmen und ihn in unserem Leben verstärken.“ (Erwin W. Lutzer, Coming to Grips with Homosexuality).
•Wir dachten, es gäbe keine Hoffnung für uns und sind in eine Opferrolle verfallen. Wir haben uns bitter beklagt: „Meine Gene, meine Hormone, meine Eltern, die Gesellschaft oder Gott haben mich so gemacht.“ Wir dachten, wir seien homosexuell und es gäbe nichts, was man dagegen tun könne. Nun sahen wir in Gottes eigenem Wort, dass wir da falsch lagen. Gott hat keinen Menschen homosexuell gemacht: „Da gingen die Knechte zu dem Gutsherrn und sagten: Herr, hast du nicht guten Samen auf deinen Acker gesät? Woher kommt dann das Unkraut? Er antwortete: Das hat ein Feind von mir getan. Da sagten die Knechte zu ihm: Sollen wir gehen und es ausreißen? Er entgegnete: Nein, sonst reißt ihr zusammen mit dem Unkraut auch den Weizen aus. Lasst beides wachsen bis zur Ernte. Wenn dann die Zeit der Ernte da ist, werde ich den Arbeitern sagen: Sammelt zuerst das Unkraut und bindet es in Bündel, um es zu verbrennen; den Weizen aber bringt in meine Scheune.“ (Matthäus 13:27-30). Satan hat versucht, Gottes Pläne für uns zu verderben. Wir sind Teil von Gottes heterosexueller Schöpfung, aber durch die Sünde haben wir einen homosexuellen Kampf auszutragen. Dennoch ist tief in unserer Homosexualität die Heterosexualität vergraben, die Gott uns in der Schöpfung gab.
•Gott hat durch Jesus Christus interveniert, „um die Werke des Teufels zu zerstören.“ (1. Johannes 3:8) und „damit ich die Zerschlagenen in Freiheit setze“ (Lukas 4:18). Christus ist gekommen, um in uns das Bild Gottes wiederherzustellen, das die Sünde entstellt hat. Er hat die Macht der Sünde gebrochen, zu verurteilen und zu herrschen. Die Frage ist nun: werden wir in unsere alten, leichten und zerstörerischen Denk- und Lebensmuster zurückfallen oder werden wir den schwierigen aber lohnenden Weg auf uns nehmen, Gott im Glauben zu antworten. Unsere Lage ist wie die der Kinder Israels als sie am Rand des gelobten Landes standen. Sie konnten es durch Glauben besitzen oder durch Unglauben verlieren. Der Gott, der ihnen das Land versprochen hatte, hat uns Freiheit versprochen, wenn wir sie im Glauben annehmen (2. Timotheus 2:24-26). Unglaube grummelt vor sich hin: „Wir können es nicht!“ (4. Mose 13:31), aber Glaube schreit: »Wir können das Land sehr wohl erobern! Wir sind stark genug!« „Habt keine Angst (...) uns steht der Herr zur Seite.“ (4. Mose 13:30, 14:9) Welcher Stimme wirst du folgen? „Wie ihr geglaubt habt, so soll es geschehen.“ (Matthäus 9:29)
•Was können wir tun, um diese Segnungen zu genießen? Christus kann nur durch Glauben erfasst werden. Unsere Heilung wird bestimmt von der Art und Weise, wie unser Glaube Ihn wahrnimmt. Ungläubige, so sagt die Bibel, sind blind, taub und tot in ihren Vergehen und Sünden. Wenn wir an Christus glauben, fallen uns die Schuppen von den Augen und unsere Ohren werden geöffnet sodass wir Seine Stimme hören. Wir werden vom Tod zum Leben erhoben. Wir treten mit Ihm in Kontakt. Jetzt müssen wir vorwärts gehen und nicht mehr länger auf unsere Gefühle und Gedanken vertrauen, sondern unter der Führung von Gottes Wort leben. Ein schwacher Glaube produziert eine schwache Heilung – ein verzerrter Glaube eine verzerrte Heilung. Teste deinen Glauben durch DIE Zeile in der Schrift: Unser Retter sagt: „Wie ihr geglaubt habt, so soll es geschehen.“ (Matthäus 9:29)
•Wenn die Versuchung aber stark ist, finden wir die Wahl (ob wir glauben, was wir fühlen oder was Gott sagt) vielleicht schwierig, weil unsere Gefühle mächtig erscheinen und unser Glaube so jämmerlich! Dann ruft uns Gott zu: „Kämpfe den guten Kampf des Glaubens“ (1. Timotheus 6:12) – unsere Herzen jeder Stimme außer Seiner zu verschließen und vorwärts mit Seinem Wort zu gehen (Lukas 5:5). Das zu tun, heißt oft, einen schmerzhaften Kampf auszutragen, aber dieser Kampf führt zu gegenwärtigen Wohlbefinden und sicheren Triumph! „Glaube bringt die Fülle der Zukunft in die Armut der Gegenwart.“ (Erich Sauer, The Triumph of the Crucified)
„Don Quixote, Cervantes‘ traurige Figur eines Ritters, traf in einem Dorf-Café eine junge Prostituierte. Die Menschen in diesem Dorf behandelten sie wie eine gewöhnliche Hure... Aber Don Quixote behandelte sie wie eine Lady und sagte ihr, dass sie tatsächlich eine edle Lady sei. Sie wurde Don Qixote‘s Dulcinea. Was er tat, war an die edle Frau zu appellieren, die tatsächlich im Inneren der Prostituierten versteckt war. Sie sah in seinen liebenden und Respekt-erfüllten Augen ein Abbild ihres wahren Selbst... Und so begann sie edel zu handeln; die Prostituierte wurde eine Lady, die Hure wurde eine Dulcinea.“ (J. Rinzema, The Sexual Revolution)
Jesus sah sie an und sagte zu ihnen: Für Menschen ist das unmöglich, für Gott aber ist alles möglich. (Matthäus 19:26)
„Don Quixote, Cervantes‘ traurige Figur eines Ritters, traf in einem Dorf-Café eine junge Prostituierte. Die Menschen in diesem Dorf behandelten sie wie eine gewöhnliche Hure... Aber Don Quixote behandelte sie wie eine Lady und sagte ihr, dass sie tatsächlich eine edle Lady sei. Sie wurde Don Qixote‘s Dulcinea. Was er tat, war an die edle Frau zu appellieren, die tatsächlich im Inneren der Prostituierten versteckt war. Sie sah in seinen liebenden und Respekt-erfüllten Augen ein Abbild ihres wahren Selbst... Und so begann sie edel zu handeln; die Prostituierte wurde eine Lady, die Hure wurde eine Dulcinea.“ (J. Rinzema, The Sexual Revolution)
Jesus sah sie an und sagte zu ihnen: Für Menschen ist das unmöglich, für Gott aber ist alles möglich. (Matthäus 19:26)
•
•„Ich gebe meinem himmlischen Vater gegenüber meine Hilflosigkeit zu, selbst heterosexuelle Gefühle zu erzeugen. Ich versuche nicht, solche Gefühle zu erzwingen, aber ich vertraue darauf, dass Gott sie zur rechten Zeit erweckt, wenn ich Ihm folge. Nachdem ich ungefähr vier Jahre mit dem Programm gearbeitet habe, hatte ich meine erste spontane heterosexuelle Reaktion. Ich betone das Wort spontan, weil ich glaube, dass es ein Fehler ist, solche Gefühle produzieren zu wollen und ich möchte dich drängen, dich einfach durch das Programm zu arbeiten und Gott im Glauben zu vertrauen. Meine heterosexuellen Gefühle gingen weiter. Sie kommen und gehen und manchmal habe ich noch geringere homosexuelle Gefühle, aber Gott ist bei der Arbeit und ich warte geduldig auf Ihn. Ich versuche, mir ständig Gottes Liebe und Annahme mir gegenüber vor Augen zu halten. Ich muss nicht meine heterosexuelle Identität wiederentdecken, um gerettet zu sein oder Gottes Zustimmung zu finden. Er hat mir die Gerechtigkeit von Christus gewährt (einschließlich der perfekten Heterosexualität) und das sieht Er, wenn Er mich anblickt. Er setzt mich nicht unter irgendeinen Druck, sondern ermutigt sanft und liebevoll jeden schwankenden Schritt meinerseits, den ich auf das zugehe, was meine wirkliche Identität und wahre Glücklichkeit ist.“ (Zeugnis aus „Lord, Set Me Free“ von Homosexuals Anonymous)
•Schreibe auf, was Heterosexualität bedeutet. Denke daran, dass Heterosexualität nicht notwendigerweise heißt, dass du heiratet oder Kinder haben musst (das hat auch Christus nicht und Menschen, die sich homosexuell betätigt haben, haben beides getan). Heterosexualität umfasst ein persönliches Annehmen von dir selbst und deinem Geschlecht und die Fähigkeit, Menschen des anderen Geschlechts anzunehmen und mit in gesunder Art und Weise Beziehungen zu knüpfen.Wenn du gläubige heterosexuelle Freunde hast, die von deinem inneren Kampf wissen, frage sie, was sie darüber denken – über das Thema allgemein und über das, was du aufgeschrieben hast. Versuche, deine Ideen und die von anderen anhand der Schrift zu korrigieren. Wiederhole dies alles von Zeit zu Zeit, um nachzuvollziehen, wo du gerade stehst, wo du hingehst und welchen Fortschritt du machst.
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Kapitel auswendig.
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Kapitel auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 7
"Wir haben uns entschlossen, unsere Leben unseren liebenden Gott anzuvertrauen und im Glauben zu leben, indem wir ihn für unsere neue unsichtbare Identität preisen und darauf vertrauen, dass diese Identität für uns sichtbar wird, sobald Gott dies will."
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
•
Gordon Dalbey schreibt: „Weder der liberale noch der konservative Standpunkt hinsichtlich der Homosexualität dient den Heilungsabsichten Gottes (...) Die konservative Versuchung, den Homosexuellen einfach zu verurteilen und abzuweisen (...) verhindert nicht nur seine Heilung, sie verschlimmert sein Problem noch (...) Die liberale Bemühung, seine Taten zu entschuldigen (...) behindert nur den Heilungsprozess des Homosexuellen, der es erfordert, dass er Verantwortung für seine Taten übernimmt (...) Die „freie Wahl“ eines Homosexuellen zu feiern ist genauso kontraproduktiv, wie sie zu verdammen. Denn ein kleiner Junge hat einfach nicht die „freie Wahl“, was die Gefühle seiner Eltern oder die der Welt innewohnende Gottlosigkeit betrifft, in die er geboren wird...
•„Es ist keine Sünde, von einem abwesenden Vater abzustammen oder dauernd homosexuelle Fantasien zu haben. Es ist aber wohl eine Sünde, sich zu weigern, sich Jesus anzuvertrauen und es Gott zu überlassen, einen in Sein Bild eines Mannes zu formen.“ (Gordon Dalbey, Healing the Masculine Soul)
Sind wir bereit, Seiner Führung zu vertrauen statt unseren eigenen Ideen, wenn es darum geht, zu bestimmen, was das Beste für uns ist?
„Die Bibel lehrt uns überall, dass es ohne Wissen keinen Glauben geben kann (...) Auf diesen Grundsatz aufbauend handelten die Apostel überall. Sie gingen ins Ausland und predigten Christus, indem sie aus der Schrift bewiesen, dass Er der Sohn Gottes und der Retter der Welt war. Das Weitergeben von Wissen ist immer der Forderung nach Glauben vorausgegangen.“ (Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology)
„Wenn wir unsere gewöhnlichen menschlichen Beziehungen ansehen: vertrauen wir einem Menschen, von dem wir nichts wissen? Besonders wenn das, weswegen wir ihm trauen sollten, für uns von großer Bedeutung ist, müssen wir eine Menge über seine Identität und seinen Charakter wissen. Um wie viel mehr muss dies beim Glauben an Christus der Fall sein, denn es steht der Glaube gegen alle Angelegenheiten des Lebens und des Todes, von Zeit und Ewigkeit. Wir müssen wissen, wer Christus ist, was Er getan hat und was Er tun kann.“ (John Murray, Redemption: Accomplished and Applied)
Sind wir bereit, Seiner Führung zu vertrauen statt unseren eigenen Ideen, wenn es darum geht, zu bestimmen, was das Beste für uns ist?
„Die Bibel lehrt uns überall, dass es ohne Wissen keinen Glauben geben kann (...) Auf diesen Grundsatz aufbauend handelten die Apostel überall. Sie gingen ins Ausland und predigten Christus, indem sie aus der Schrift bewiesen, dass Er der Sohn Gottes und der Retter der Welt war. Das Weitergeben von Wissen ist immer der Forderung nach Glauben vorausgegangen.“ (Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology)
„Wenn wir unsere gewöhnlichen menschlichen Beziehungen ansehen: vertrauen wir einem Menschen, von dem wir nichts wissen? Besonders wenn das, weswegen wir ihm trauen sollten, für uns von großer Bedeutung ist, müssen wir eine Menge über seine Identität und seinen Charakter wissen. Um wie viel mehr muss dies beim Glauben an Christus der Fall sein, denn es steht der Glaube gegen alle Angelegenheiten des Lebens und des Todes, von Zeit und Ewigkeit. Wir müssen wissen, wer Christus ist, was Er getan hat und was Er tun kann.“ (John Murray, Redemption: Accomplished and Applied)
„Glaube bedeutet, alles Vertrauen in die eigenen Fähigkeiten aufzugeben. Glaube bedeutet, sich ohne jede Zurückhaltung in Gottes Mitleid zu werfen. Glaube bedeutet, an den Versprechungen Gottes in Christus festzuhalten und völlig auf das vollendete Werk von Jesu für die Erlösung zu vertrauen und an die Kraft des in uns wohnenden Heiligen Geistes für die tägliche Stärke.“ (Leon Morris, Faith,“ The New Bible Dictionary)
Der Agnostiker Gamaliel Bradford schrieb: „Die einfache Tatsache ist die, dass, wenn Gott nicht existieren würde, das Universum der blanke Horror wäre. Wenn Er aber existiert, sollte das Leben ein einziges langes Bemühen sein, Ihn zu kennen und eins mit Ihm zu sein. Eine Trennung von Ihm ist die schrecklichste Bestrafung, die man sich vorstellen kann.“ (D. L. Moody: A Worker in Souls)
Der Agnostiker Gamaliel Bradford schrieb: „Die einfache Tatsache ist die, dass, wenn Gott nicht existieren würde, das Universum der blanke Horror wäre. Wenn Er aber existiert, sollte das Leben ein einziges langes Bemühen sein, Ihn zu kennen und eins mit Ihm zu sein. Eine Trennung von Ihm ist die schrecklichste Bestrafung, die man sich vorstellen kann.“ (D. L. Moody: A Worker in Souls)
•„In die Kirche zu gehen, macht dich genauso wenig zum Christen, wie es dich zum Auto macht, wenn du in die Garage gehst.“ (Laurence Peter, Peter‘s Quotations)
„Wenn Shakespeare in dir wäre, was für eine Poesie könntest du schreiben! Wenn Beethoven in dir wäre, was für eine Musik könntest du komponieren! Wenn Christus in dir wäre, was für ein Leben könntest du leben! Wenn? Da muss es kein „wenn“ geben. Du kannst keinen Shakespeare oder Beethoven in dir haben. Christus kann aber sehr wohl in dir sein! Du kannst mit Paulus sagen: „Ich lebe; aber nicht ich, sondern Christus lebt in mir.“ (James S. Stewart, The Strong Name)
„Ich danke Dir, Gott, dass Du mir vergibst, aber ich bleibe lieber in der Dunkelheit: vergib mir auch das.“ – „Nein, das kann es nicht geben. Das Einzige, was nicht vergeben werden kann, ist die Sünde, aus freiem Entschluss das Böse zu wählen und die Erlösung zu verweigern. Es ist unmöglich, das zu vergeben. Das würde heißen, daran teil zu nehmen.“ (George MacDonald: 365 Readings)
„Wenn Shakespeare in dir wäre, was für eine Poesie könntest du schreiben! Wenn Beethoven in dir wäre, was für eine Musik könntest du komponieren! Wenn Christus in dir wäre, was für ein Leben könntest du leben! Wenn? Da muss es kein „wenn“ geben. Du kannst keinen Shakespeare oder Beethoven in dir haben. Christus kann aber sehr wohl in dir sein! Du kannst mit Paulus sagen: „Ich lebe; aber nicht ich, sondern Christus lebt in mir.“ (James S. Stewart, The Strong Name)
„Ich danke Dir, Gott, dass Du mir vergibst, aber ich bleibe lieber in der Dunkelheit: vergib mir auch das.“ – „Nein, das kann es nicht geben. Das Einzige, was nicht vergeben werden kann, ist die Sünde, aus freiem Entschluss das Böse zu wählen und die Erlösung zu verweigern. Es ist unmöglich, das zu vergeben. Das würde heißen, daran teil zu nehmen.“ (George MacDonald: 365 Readings)
•„Der Heilige Augustus sagte einmal, dass Gott immer versucht, uns gute Dinge zu geben, aber unsere Hände sind zu voll, um sie zu empfangen.“ (Gerald May, Addiction and Grace).
Manche weigern sich, zu bereuen und sagen: „Wir kennen uns selbst zu gut, um Gott zu viel zu versprechen! Das ist eine schlechte Theologie. Es ist auch eine schlechte Spiritualität. Denn Gott ruft uns, uns ihm in einem lebenslangem treuen und gehorsamen Engagement zu versprechen. Er sieht nicht unser Versagen als eine aufkommende Bescheidenheit oder eine verständliche Zurückhaltung. Er hat andere Namen dafür: Ungehorsam, Mangel an Loyalität und Treue.“ (Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God)
Oft fragen Menschen: „Wenn das Christentum recht hat, warum glauben dann die meisten intelligenten Menschen nicht daran? Aus genau demselben Grund, aus dem auch die meisten unintelligenten Menschen nicht daran glauben: Sie wollen nicht, weil sie nicht bereit sind, die moralischen Ansprüche zu akzeptieren, die es an ihr Leben stellen würde.“
Manche weigern sich, zu bereuen und sagen: „Wir kennen uns selbst zu gut, um Gott zu viel zu versprechen! Das ist eine schlechte Theologie. Es ist auch eine schlechte Spiritualität. Denn Gott ruft uns, uns ihm in einem lebenslangem treuen und gehorsamen Engagement zu versprechen. Er sieht nicht unser Versagen als eine aufkommende Bescheidenheit oder eine verständliche Zurückhaltung. Er hat andere Namen dafür: Ungehorsam, Mangel an Loyalität und Treue.“ (Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God)
Oft fragen Menschen: „Wenn das Christentum recht hat, warum glauben dann die meisten intelligenten Menschen nicht daran? Aus genau demselben Grund, aus dem auch die meisten unintelligenten Menschen nicht daran glauben: Sie wollen nicht, weil sie nicht bereit sind, die moralischen Ansprüche zu akzeptieren, die es an ihr Leben stellen würde.“
•„Jeder Mensch trägt sein privates Königreich in sich und niemand weiß, was sich im Königreich des Anderen abspielt. „Keiner versteht mich!“ Natürlich nicht – jeder von uns ist ein Mysterium für sich. Es gibt nur Einen, der dich versteht und das ist Gott. Gib dich Ihm hin. „(Oswald Chambers, If Ye Shall Ask)
„Ein Christ ist jemand, der Jesus als den Christus erkennt, den Sohn des lebendigen Gottes, als Gott, der sich in Menschengestalt zeigt, der uns liebt und für unsere Erlösung stirbt; und der diesen fleischgewordenen Gott so liebt, dass er gezwungen ist, den Willen von Christus zur Regel für seinen Gehorsam zu machen und den Ruhm von Christus zum Ziel seines Lebens.“ (Charles Hodge, Commentary on the Second Epistle to the Corinthians)
Ein Glaube, der keine praktischen Auswirkungen hat, ist kein Glaube mehr, sondern Fantasie.“ (Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge)
„Ein Christ ist jemand, der Jesus als den Christus erkennt, den Sohn des lebendigen Gottes, als Gott, der sich in Menschengestalt zeigt, der uns liebt und für unsere Erlösung stirbt; und der diesen fleischgewordenen Gott so liebt, dass er gezwungen ist, den Willen von Christus zur Regel für seinen Gehorsam zu machen und den Ruhm von Christus zum Ziel seines Lebens.“ (Charles Hodge, Commentary on the Second Epistle to the Corinthians)
Ein Glaube, der keine praktischen Auswirkungen hat, ist kein Glaube mehr, sondern Fantasie.“ (Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge)
Glaube kann unsere Augen auch für Dinge öffnen, die wir zuvor nicht gesehen haben. Dr. Earl Wilson stellt fest: „(...) Wenn Menschen Erfahrung mit Homosexualität haben, erreichen sie einen Punkt, an dem sie die Bezeichnung „schwul“ oder „lesbisch“ akzeptieren und ab da an all das, was ihnen passiert, von dieser Perspektive aus beurteilen. Reize, die auf heterosexuelle Tendenzen hinweisen, werden verleugnet (...) Das Gehirn versucht Doppeldeutigkeit zu bereinigen und so wird ein heterosexueller Input als irrelevant herausgefiltert. Ich habe die Erfahrung gemacht, dass viele meiner Klienten ihr Gedächtnis von Perioden heterosexueller Aktivität gereinigt haben, weil es nicht mit ihrem neugewonnenen Glauben (nämlich dass sie schwul oder lesbisch sind) übereinstimmt. Und Schwule oder Lesben sind noch nie vom anderen Geschlecht angezogen gewesen und werden dies auch nie sein – und so kann diese Erfahrung nicht berücksichtigt werden. Sie sind oft schockiert, wenn man ihnen hilft, sich klarer an diese Erfahrungen zu erinnern, die herausgefiltert wurden.“ (Counseling and Homosexuality)
•Dieses Filtern kann Menschen nicht nur dazu bringen, blind zu werden für das, was in ihnen vorgeht, es kann sie dazu bringen, die Dinge, die sich um sie herum abspielen, falsch zu interpretieren. Viele interpretieren ihre gleichgeschlechtlichen Kontakte deshalb als entweder potentiell oder tatsächlich sexuell. Bis es durch den Glauben korrigiert wurde, verzerrt all dies die Realität und macht die Entwicklung von gesunden gleichgeschlechtlichen Beziehungen schwierig und die Entwicklung von guten heterosexuellen Beziehungen unmöglich. Glaube macht die Sicht frei! In dem Maße, in dem wir durch den Glauben an Gottes Wort die Lüge zurückweisen, dass wir homosexuell sind und uns nicht ändern können und die Wahrheit annehmen, dass wir heterosexuell sind durch die Schöpfung und in Christus, kann die Realität klar gesehen werden und die Heilung beginnen.
•„Es ist weitaus besser, sich an große Dinge heranzuwagen und ruhmreiche Siege zu erringen – auch wenn man ab und zu versagt – als sich bei den armen Geistern einzureihen, die weder viel genießen noch viel leiden, weil sie in der grauen Dämmerzone leben, die weder Sieg noch Niederlage kennt.“ (Theodore Roosevelt in Good Advice)
„Mach weiter! Nichts in der Welt kann den Platz der Ausdauer einnehmen. Talent bestimmt nicht; erfolglose Menschen mit Talent gibt es mehr als genug. Auch Genie nicht; das brotlose Genie ist schon fast ein Sprichwort. Erziehung ebenso wenig; die Welt ist voll von gestrandeten gebildeten Menschen. Ausdauer und Entschlossenheit allein sind allmächtig.“ (Calvin Coolidge in Good Advice)
„Mach weiter! Nichts in der Welt kann den Platz der Ausdauer einnehmen. Talent bestimmt nicht; erfolglose Menschen mit Talent gibt es mehr als genug. Auch Genie nicht; das brotlose Genie ist schon fast ein Sprichwort. Erziehung ebenso wenig; die Welt ist voll von gestrandeten gebildeten Menschen. Ausdauer und Entschlossenheit allein sind allmächtig.“ (Calvin Coolidge in Good Advice)
•Es gibt Zeiten, wo alle von uns, die wir Freiheit von der Homosexualität suchen, depressive Phasen durchmachen. Wie Dr. Scott Peck sagt, „Das Gefühl, das man mit dem Verlust von etwas Geliebten verbindet – oder zumindest etwas, das ein Teil von uns und vertraut ist – ist Depression. Da geistig gesunde Menschen wachsen müssen und da das Aufgeben oder der Verlust des alten Ichs ein integraler Bestandteil von mentaler und spiritueller Gesundheit ist, ist Depression normal und im Grunde ein gesundes Phänomen. Sie wird nur unnormal oder ungesund, wenn etwas dem Prozess des Aufgebens im Weg steht – mit dem Ergebnis, dass die Depression andauert und durch die Vollendung des Prozesses nicht gelöst werden kann.“ (M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled)
•Wenn es dir also schlecht geht und du in Versuchung bist, aufzugeben, gehe im Glauben an die Versprechungen Gottes. Wenn du dich selbst dabei ertappst, wie du daran denkst, dich abzuwenden, denke daran, dass dies deine Heilung nur nach hinten verschieben und den Prozess weitaus schwieriger und schmerzvoller machen würde. Fühle deinen Schmerz, gehe damit im Glauben an die Versprechungen Gottes um und setze deinen Weg zu der Freiheit fort, die Gott versprochen hat.
•„Wir würden eher jemand oder etwas anderes die Schuld dafür geben, dass wir uns unglücklich fühlen, als die notwendigen Schritte zu unternehmen, um uns besser zu fühlen. Wir sprechen sogar über unsere eigenen Gefühle, als ob sie Besucher aus einer anderen Galaxie wären. Wir sagen, „Dieses Gefühl ist über mich gekommen,“ als ob wir hilflose Geschöpfe wären, die von mysteriösen Kräften übermannt werden – anstatt einfach zu sagen: „Ich habe mich so gefühlt.“ Wir sprechen, als würden unsere Gefühle wie das Wetter von sonnig zu stürmisch wechseln, worüber wir keine Kontrolle haben. Diese Art von logischem Blick auf unsere Emotionen ist in gewisser Weise sehr nützlich; es nimmt uns die Verantwortung über unsere eigenen Gefühle. Wir machen uns kleiner als wir sind, nur um die Freiheit der Wahl von uns zu schieben.“ (Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Best Friend)
„Wer vorwärts kommen will, muss immer wieder von neuem anfangen. Geduld mit sich selbst ist die Grundlage jeden Fortschritts.“ (Romano Guardini in Leanne Payne, The Healing of the Homosexual)
Dr. George W. Truett erzählte von einem Mann, dessen Frau nach kurzer Krankheit von ihm genommen wurde und ihn mit einer fünfjährigen Tochter zurückgelassen hat. Die zwei kehrten nach dem Begräbnis nach Hause zurück und das kleine Mädchen weinte bis spät in die Nacht während ihr Vater versuchte, sie zu trösten. Nach einer Weile hörte das Mädchen auf zu weinen – sie versuchte den Kummer ihres Vaters zu stillen. „Und in der Dunkelheit dieser stillen Zeit blickte der große Mann durch die Dunkelheit zu Gott und sagte: „Ich vertraue Dir, aber es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht.“ Und das kleine Mädchen fing wieder zu schluchzen an und der Vater sagte: „Hey – Papa hat gedacht, du wärst schon eingeschlafen, mein Schatz.“ Und sie sagte: „Papa, hast du es schon einmal so dunkel gesehen? Papa, es ist so dunkel – ich kann dich nicht mal sehen.“ Und dann fuhr das kleine Ding schluchzend fort: „Aber Papa, du liebst mich auch, wenn es dunkel ist, oder? Du liebst mich auch, wenn ich dich nicht sehe, oder, Papa?“ Er langte mit seinen großen Händen hinüber und nahm das kleine Mädchen aus ihrem Bettchen, nahm sie zu sich an sein großes Herz und bemutterte sie, bis sie schließlich schluchzend einschlief. Als sie eingeschlafen war, nahm er das Weinen seines Babys auf und gab es an Gott weiter und sagte: „Vater, es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht. Ich kann überhaupt nichts mehr sehen. Aber Du liebst mich, wenn es dunkel ist, oder?“ Und dann war die Dunkelheit wie der neue Morgen! Gott kommt immer zu Menschen, die Ihm vertrauen.“ (A Quest For Souls)
Dr. George W. Truett erzählte von einem Mann, dessen Frau nach kurzer Krankheit von ihm genommen wurde und ihn mit einer fünfjährigen Tochter zurückgelassen hat. Die zwei kehrten nach dem Begräbnis nach Hause zurück und das kleine Mädchen weinte bis spät in die Nacht während ihr Vater versuchte, sie zu trösten. Nach einer Weile hörte das Mädchen auf zu weinen – sie versuchte den Kummer ihres Vaters zu stillen. „Und in der Dunkelheit dieser stillen Zeit blickte der große Mann durch die Dunkelheit zu Gott und sagte: „Ich vertraue Dir, aber es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht.“ Und das kleine Mädchen fing wieder zu schluchzen an und der Vater sagte: „Hey – Papa hat gedacht, du wärst schon eingeschlafen, mein Schatz.“ Und sie sagte: „Papa, hast du es schon einmal so dunkel gesehen? Papa, es ist so dunkel – ich kann dich nicht mal sehen.“ Und dann fuhr das kleine Ding schluchzend fort: „Aber Papa, du liebst mich auch, wenn es dunkel ist, oder? Du liebst mich auch, wenn ich dich nicht sehe, oder, Papa?“ Er langte mit seinen großen Händen hinüber und nahm das kleine Mädchen aus ihrem Bettchen, nahm sie zu sich an sein großes Herz und bemutterte sie, bis sie schließlich schluchzend einschlief. Als sie eingeschlafen war, nahm er das Weinen seines Babys auf und gab es an Gott weiter und sagte: „Vater, es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht. Ich kann überhaupt nichts mehr sehen. Aber Du liebst mich, wenn es dunkel ist, oder?“ Und dann war die Dunkelheit wie der neue Morgen! Gott kommt immer zu Menschen, die Ihm vertrauen.“ (A Quest For Souls)
•„Warum ist Versuchung so attraktiv, erbarmungslos und mächtig? (...) Sicher könnte Gott es einfacher für uns machen (...) Ich sage nicht, dass Gott uns dazu bringt, zu sündigen; noch versucht Er uns wie Satan das tut (...) Aber Gott stellt uns auf die Probe; Er erlaubt es auch, dass Satan uns versucht. Warum? Versuchung – mit all ihren furchterregenden Möglichkeiten für ein Versagen – ist Gottes Methode, um unsere Loyalität zu testen. Wir können nicht behaupten, wir würden jemanden lieben, bis wir einige harte Entscheidungen zu seinen Gunsten getroffen haben. Entsprechend können wir auch nicht sagen, wir würden Gott lieben, bis wir NEIN zu den andauernden Versuchungen gesagt haben (...) Gott erlaubt uns den Luxus der schwierigen Wahl, damit wir unsere Liebe zu Ihm beweisen können. Das sind unsere Möglichkeiten, Gott anstelle der Welt zu wählen.“ (Erwin M. Lutzer, How To Say No To a Stubborn Habit)
„Wenn du einen Hund siehst, der zwei Männern hinterher läuft,“ sagt Ralph Erskine in einer seiner Predigten, „weist du nicht, zu wem er gehört, solange die beiden zusammen gehen; aber lasse sie zu einer Kreuzung kommen und getrennte Wege gehen, dann wirst du wissen, wer der Herr des Hundes ist. So gehen auch Religion und die Welt manchmal Hand in Hand. Ein Mann kann die Welt haben – und gleichzeitig einen religiösen Beruf. Dann können wir nicht sagen, wer der Herr des Mannes ist – Gott oder die Welt; aber warte, bis der Mann zu einer Kreuzung kommt und die Welt nach ihm ruft. Gott ruft ihn hierhin – die Welt dorthin. Wenn Gott sein Herr ist, folgt er der Religion und lässt die Welt gehen; aber wenn die Welt sein Herr ist, dann folgt er der Welt und deren Lust und lässt Gott, Gewissen und Religion gehen.“ (John Whitecross, The Shorter Catechism Illustrated).
•„Uns wird erzählt, dass ein Christ zu sein Freude, Friede und Zufriedenheit bedeutet. Glücklich missdeuten wir das und denken, ein Christ hat nie Probleme oder Schmerzen. Schließlich werden wir ja von unserem allmächtigen Bodyguard davor bewahrt, unsere Jobs zu verlieren, an Krankheit zu leiden oder Unfälle zu haben, die nur „anderen“ Menschen zustoßen. Wir wollen das glauben und so tun wir es auch. Diese Lüge ist vielleicht der heimtückischste religiöse Trugschluss in der Christenheit. (...) Das wird zu einer Quelle der Verbitterung und des Ärgers – das Leben bekommt einen faden Beigeschmack. Gott wird oft zum Sündenbock für all den Schmerz gemacht, den wir empfinden, wenn Er uns nicht sofort zu Hilfe eilt (...) Ion Wahrheit ist das Leben schwer. Glaube macht es weniger schwer – nicht indem er uns zu Hilfe eilt und unsere Probleme löst, sondern weil er uns ein Hilfsmittel gibt, um mit diesen Problemen umzugehen.“ (Christ Thurman, The Lies We Believe: The #1 Cause of our Unhappiness)
„Betet nicht darum, dass ihr ein leichtes Leben habt. Betet darum, stärkere Menschen zu werden. Betet nicht darum, Aufgaben zu bekommen, die euren Kräften entsprechen. Betet für Kräfte, die euren Aufgaben entsprechen.“ (Phillips Brooks in Good Advice)
•Wenn wir uns hilflos fühlen...
•...können wir Gott preisen, dass Er den Hilflosen hilft!
•Wenn wir uns gottlos fühlen...
•...können wir Gott preisen, dass er die Sünder liebt!
•Wenn wir Angst haben...
•...können wir Gott preisen, dass er Gutes aus all dem Unheil hervorbringt!
•Wenn wir in Versuchung sind...
•...können wir Gott preisen, dass er die Macht der Homosexualität gebrochen hat!
•...Wenn wir uns verwirrt fühlen, was unsere sexuelle Identität betrifft,
•...können wir Gott preisen, dass er uns heterosexuell erschaffen und erlöst hat!
•Manchmal verwechseln wir Wissen und Glauben. Wir denken, je mehr wir die Bibel lesen und in die Kirche gehen, desto mehr Glauben bekommen wir. Natürlich ist Wissen wichtig für den Glauben. Aber das alleine reicht nicht.Wissen ist nur der Anfang. Die Wahrheit muss von unserem Kopf in unsere Herzen und Seelen sickern – und das braucht seine Zeit. Das kann nicht alleine durch menschliche Anstrengung bewerkstelligt werden – es ist ein Zeichen von Gottes Gnade. Manchmal benutzt Er dafür Menschen aus unserer Umgebung – um uns Seine Liebe zu zeigen. Ich meine nicht, dass ich schon vollkommen bin und das Ziel erreicht habe. Ich laufe aber auf das Ziel zu, um es zu ergreifen, nachdem Jesus Christus von mir Besitz ergriffen hat. Ich bilde mir nicht ein, Brüder und Schwestern, dass ich es schon geschafft habe. Aber die Entscheidung ist gefallen! Ich lasse alles hinter mir und sehe nur noch, was vor mir liegt. Ich halte geradewegs auf das Ziel zu, um den Siegespreis zu gewinnen. Dieser Preis ist das ewige Leben, zu dem Gott mich durch Jesus Christus berufen hat. (Philipper 3:12-14)
•Lies jeden Morgen in deiner Bibel, bis du zu einem Vers kommst, der auf deine Situation zutrifft. Schreibe ihn auf eine Karte und trage sie während des Tages für die Meditation darüber mit dir. Während du Gott bittest, dir zu zeigen, was dieses Wort von Ihm für dein Leben bedeutet, notiere die Gedanken, die dir dazu kommen, auf die Rückseite der Karte. Schreibe diese Gedanken etwas ausführlicher abends in dein Tagebuch und schließe mit deinem schriftlichen Dankgebet an Gott für das, was diese Wahrheit für dich bedeutet.
•Lerne einen der Verse aus diesem Kapitel, der hilfreich für dich war, auswendig.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Schritt 8
"Als Menschen, denen vergeben wurde und die frei von Verurteilung sind, haben wir eine furchtlose moralische Bestandsaufnahme von uns selbst gemacht und sind entschlossen, Furcht, versteckte Feindseligkeit und Verachtung für die Welt auszumerzen."
•Vor langer Zeit haben die Anonymen Alkoholiker vor der Tendenz von Menschen mit zwanghaftem Verhalten gewarnt, einen „leichteren, sanfteren Weg“ zu finden. Wir, die wir Freiheit von Homosexualität suchen, werden unser Ziel nicht erreichen, wenn wir uns nicht durch ALLE Schritte arbeiten.
Was den Teil unserer Heilung betrifft, der sich mit unseren Beziehungen beschäftigt, müssen wir etwas tun, vor dem wir uns schon immer gegraut haben: wir müssen uns selbst ansehen und die Defizite in unserem Charakter entdecken, die unsere vergangenen Freundschaften vergiftet haben.
Was den Teil unserer Heilung betrifft, der sich mit unseren Beziehungen beschäftigt, müssen wir etwas tun, vor dem wir uns schon immer gegraut haben: wir müssen uns selbst ansehen und die Defizite in unserem Charakter entdecken, die unsere vergangenen Freundschaften vergiftet haben.
•Je länger wir dies hinausschieben, desto eher werden wir Sex gebrauchen (ob nun mit anderen, in unseren Gedanken oder mit uns selbst), um unsere Gefühle von Scham, Furcht und Isolation abzutöten. Solche Reaktionen erhöhen nur das Gefühl, dass wir schmutzig sind, schuldig und wertlos – was wiederum größere Sehnsüchte erweckt, in das sexuelle Vergessen entkommen zu wollen, um uns selbst zu bestrafen oder zu trösten.
„Mein Freund (...) Tom Melton erzählte von der Zeit, als sein 3-jähriger Sohn Brandon versuchte, Tom zu überraschen, indem er ihm ein Glas Milch brachte. Dabei zerbrach Brandon das Glas, verschüttete die Milch über die ganze Küche und machte Tom von Kopf bis Fuß nass. Während es Brandon dämmerte, dass er den Plan verpfuscht haben könnte, füllten sich Tom‘s Augen mit Tränen, da ihn die Liebe zu seinem Sohn übermannte. „Es stimmt,“ erinnerte sich Tom, „er hat alles verpfuscht, was er angefasst hat. Aber er ist mein Sohn und ich konnte einfach nicht aufhören, daran zu denken, wie sehr ich ihn liebte.“ (Chap Clarke, The Performance Illusion)
„Mein Freund (...) Tom Melton erzählte von der Zeit, als sein 3-jähriger Sohn Brandon versuchte, Tom zu überraschen, indem er ihm ein Glas Milch brachte. Dabei zerbrach Brandon das Glas, verschüttete die Milch über die ganze Küche und machte Tom von Kopf bis Fuß nass. Während es Brandon dämmerte, dass er den Plan verpfuscht haben könnte, füllten sich Tom‘s Augen mit Tränen, da ihn die Liebe zu seinem Sohn übermannte. „Es stimmt,“ erinnerte sich Tom, „er hat alles verpfuscht, was er angefasst hat. Aber er ist mein Sohn und ich konnte einfach nicht aufhören, daran zu denken, wie sehr ich ihn liebte.“ (Chap Clarke, The Performance Illusion)
•In uns allen gibt es eine Sehnsucht nach der fehlerlosen Harmonie des Gartens Eden. „Wir sehnen uns nach Harmonie in unserer Umgebung wie in unseren Beziehungen – zu uns selbst, zu anderen und zu Gott (...) Diese Suche – die Vollkommenheit der ursprünglichen Schöpfung wiederherzustellen – kann von Vorteil für uns sein. Wir finden oft Befriedigung im Verfolgen von schwierigen Zielen. Arbeitsprozesse sowie Prozesse, die Selbstdisziplin und menschliche Beziehungen umfassen, können sehr lohnenswert sein. Wir müssen uns aber darüber im Klaren sein, dass wir in diesem Leben nur eine nicht-perfekte Annährung an Gottes Perfektion wiederherstellen können.“ (Richard Walters, Escape the Trap)
•Leugnung ist eine Art und Weise, wie wir uns alle mehr oder weniger täuschen. Unbewusst halten wir uns selbst davon ab, der Realität ins Gesicht zu sehen und schließen uns selbst in immer mehr zerstörerische Verhaltensmuster ein, und zwar durch: Blankes Leugnen (wir weigern uns, ein existierendes Problem uns oder anderen gegenüber anzuerkennen), Herunterspielen (wir erkennen das Problem an, aber weigern uns, uns dessen Ernsthaftigkeit einzugestehen), Ausreden (wir erkennen das Problem an, finden aber Ausreden, um es zu rechtfertigen), Sündenbock suchen (wir erkennen das Problem an, weigern uns aber, die Verantwortung für unser gegenwärtiges Verhalten zu übernehmen, indem wir sagen, jemand anderes ist schuld), sich drücken (wir wechseln das Thema, wenn die Diskussion auf das wahre Problem kommt), Angreifen (wir werden wütend, wenn das Problem diskutiert wird und vermeiden so, den Kern der Sache anzugehen). Wenn du irgendetwas davon in dir wieder findest, beseitige es, wenn du wirklich Freiheit von Homosexualität willst.
•„Es ist gefährlich, über andere zu urteilen, aber es ist gut. Über sich selbst zu urteilen.“ (Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial)
„Niemand bemerkte, dass manche Menschen übernatürliche Anstrengungen unternehmen, nur um normal zu sein.“ (Herbert R. Lottmann, Albert Camus: A Biography)
„Marokkaner machen Teppichläufer mit beabsichtigten „Unperfektheiten“. Muster werden absichtlich mit „Fehlern“ im Muster gewoben. Menschen, die solche Läufer machen, glauben, dass es entweder lächerlich oder gotteslästernd ist, eine Perfektion zu wollen, wenn nur Gott alleine perfekt ist – und Fehler werden als Erinnerung daran gesehen, dass Menschen nur mens´chlich sind.“ (David Stoop, Hope for the Perfectionist)
„Niemand bemerkte, dass manche Menschen übernatürliche Anstrengungen unternehmen, nur um normal zu sein.“ (Herbert R. Lottmann, Albert Camus: A Biography)
„Marokkaner machen Teppichläufer mit beabsichtigten „Unperfektheiten“. Muster werden absichtlich mit „Fehlern“ im Muster gewoben. Menschen, die solche Läufer machen, glauben, dass es entweder lächerlich oder gotteslästernd ist, eine Perfektion zu wollen, wenn nur Gott alleine perfekt ist – und Fehler werden als Erinnerung daran gesehen, dass Menschen nur mens´chlich sind.“ (David Stoop, Hope for the Perfectionist)
•„Dr. Earl Henslin warnt: „Wahrscheinlich 80-90 Prozent unserer Interaktion mit anderen Menschen wird von unserer Reaktion auf alte Verletzungen aus unserer Kindheit kontrolliert (...) Genau deshalb ist es so wichtig, sich diese alten Gefühle wieder bewusst zu machen und diese alten Wunden wieder zu entdecken. Wenn wir das nicht tun, werden sie auch weiterhin die Tyrannen in unserem Leben spielen. (...) Sie werden bestimmen, ob wir weiter verheiratet bleiben. Sie werden uns in Richtung Erfolg oder Versagen lenken. Sie werden bestimmen, wie wir unsere Kinder behandeln... Sie werden sogar über unsere Bezeihung zu Gott herrschen.“ „Probleme werden nie von selbst besser. Die Zeit erlaubt dem Schmerz nur, sich mehr und mehr zu verschanzen, den Groll, tiefer zu gehen und das tägliche Leben wird dadurch immer schwieriger.
•Eine lebenswichtige Barriere gegen den Rückfall in unsere alten zerstörerischen Muster ist eine klare Aufzeichnung des Schmerzes, den unser alter Lebensstil mit sich brachte. Wenn wir uns erinnern können, was uns dieser Lebensstil gekostet hat, werden wir tun, was auch immer getan werden muss, um eine Rückkehr in dieses schreckliche Elend zu vermeiden. „Das gebrannte Kind scheut das Feuer“ – solange es sich an den Schmerz erinnert! So ist unser „Suchen und unsere furchtlose moralische Bestandsaufnahme“ ein wesentliches Glied in unserer Heilungskette.“
•„Es ist eine philosophische Beobachtung, die so tief ist, dass sie schon fast wieder zur Platitüde wird, dass die Vergangenheit eines Menschen nie wirklich vergangen ist, bis er beerdigt ist; dass jede Begegnung, jeder Vorfall im Leben – auch wenn man sie längst als alten Kram abgelegt und im täglichen Leben vergessen hat – vielleicht nur mit der unendlichen Geduld einer Zeitbombe darauf wartet, ein gewaltsames Comeback in den friedlich einlullenden Alltagstrott zu machen.“ (Leslie Charteris, The Saint in Pursuit)
•„Es ist als ob eine Hausfrau ihr Zimmer reinigt. Sie schaut – und es gibt keinen Staub; die Luft ist rein und all ihre Möbel blitzen sauber. Aber da ist ein Spalt im Rollo und ein Lichtstrahl dringt hindurch und du siehst den Staub auf und nieder tanzen; Tausende kleiner Körnchen im Sonnenstrahl. Es ist im ganzen Zimmer so, aber sie kann es nur sehen, wenn der Sonnenstrahl kommt. Genauso ist es mit uns. Gott schickt uns einen Lichtstrahl ins Herz und dann sehen wir wie voll von Unzulänglichkeit es ist.“ (C. H. Spurgeon, New Park Street Pulpit)
Ein an die Bibel glaubender Christ kann die Prämisse, dass Liebe das einzig Absolute sei, nicht akzeptieren. Liebe braucht jemanden, der sie leitet. (John Scott, Decisive Issues Facing Christians Today)
„Wir sind moralische Wesen und als solche müssen wir die Konsequenzen jeder vollbrachten Tat und jedes gesprochenen Wortes akzeptieren.“ (A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men)
„Eine böse Zunge hat einen großen Einfluss auf die anderen Glieder des Körpers. Wenn ein Mensch schlecht redet, wird er es auch tun. Wenn die Zunge die Kühnheit hat, von Sünde zu reden, wird der Rest der Glieder die Kühnheit haben, sie zu begehen ... Zuerst denken wir, dann sprechen wir und dann tun wir es.“ (The Complete Works of Thomas Manton)
•„Wenn ein Mensch sein eigener Richter wäre, wer würde dann noch verurteilt werden?“
„Was auch immer unser Urteil uns selbst gegenüber ist, der Herr blickt in unser Herz.“ (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible)
„Was auch immer unser Urteil uns selbst gegenüber ist, der Herr blickt in unser Herz.“ (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible)
•„Der Heilige Geist war nicht nur aktiv beim Schreiben der biblischen Bücher, Er ist also aktiv, wenn es darum geht, die Wahrheit in den Köpfen der Menschen,die sie lesen, zu enthüllen (...) Und so müssen wir beten, wenn wir die Schrift lesen und den Heiligen Geist bitten, seine Arbeit der Erleuchtung in unseren Herzen zu tun. Die Gegenwart des Geistes ist uns nicht gegeben, um ein sorgfältiges und fleißiges Studium des Wort Gottes unnötig zu machen. Sie wurde uns gegeben, um sie effektiv zu machen.“ (James Montgomery Boice, Foundations of the Christian Faith)
•„Tut mit euren Herzen, was ihr auch mit euren Uhren tut: zieht sie jeden Morgen durch Gebet auf und in der Nacht untersucht, ob eure Herzen diesen ganzen Tag auch richtig gegangen sind.“ (Thomas Watson in The Golden Treasury of Puritan Quotations)
Dr. Albert Ellis sagte, „Homosexuelle sind sogar noch schwieriger zu behandeln als andere Patienten in der Psychotherapie – und das aus mehreren Gründen. Sie geben oft gar nicht zu, dass sie zutiefst verstört sind, sondern bestehen darauf, dass nur die Gesellschaft gestört ist – weil sie sie verfolgt. Sie genießen oft ihre homosexuellen Akte (...) und können deshalb nicht auf diese Akte wie Symptome einer Störung sehen. Sie denken fälschlicherweise, dass sie homosexuell geboren wurden und dass es nichts Ungewöhnliches oder Abnormales daran gibt, dass sie weiter stur leugnen. Wenn sie in die Therapie kommen, wollen sie für gewöhnlich ihre anderen Symptome in Angriff nehmen – wie etwa Ängste, Depressionen und Schuldgefühle – ihre Homosexualität wollen sie aber unangetastet lassen. Sie weichen gerne aus, machen gerne Späße und arbeiten normalerweise sehr wenig an ihrer Therapie . (...).“ (Homosexuality: Its Causes and Cure)
Dr. Albert Ellis sagte, „Homosexuelle sind sogar noch schwieriger zu behandeln als andere Patienten in der Psychotherapie – und das aus mehreren Gründen. Sie geben oft gar nicht zu, dass sie zutiefst verstört sind, sondern bestehen darauf, dass nur die Gesellschaft gestört ist – weil sie sie verfolgt. Sie genießen oft ihre homosexuellen Akte (...) und können deshalb nicht auf diese Akte wie Symptome einer Störung sehen. Sie denken fälschlicherweise, dass sie homosexuell geboren wurden und dass es nichts Ungewöhnliches oder Abnormales daran gibt, dass sie weiter stur leugnen. Wenn sie in die Therapie kommen, wollen sie für gewöhnlich ihre anderen Symptome in Angriff nehmen – wie etwa Ängste, Depressionen und Schuldgefühle – ihre Homosexualität wollen sie aber unangetastet lassen. Sie weichen gerne aus, machen gerne Späße und arbeiten normalerweise sehr wenig an ihrer Therapie . (...).“ (Homosexuality: Its Causes and Cure)
•„Furchtlos bedeutet nicht schmerzlos. Furchtlos bedeutet, dass wir vielleicht Angst haben aber trotzdem voran schreiten und trotzdem unsere Bestandsaufnahme machen. Furchtlosigkeit bedeutet Offenheit und Ehrlichkeit, wenn man in sein eigenes Inneres blickt.“ (Emotions Anonymous)
„Wer seine eigene Sündhaftigkeit erblickt hat, wird im Angesicht von Rückschritten weitermachen können. Er wird nicht überrascht sein über die Sünden derer, denen er zu Diensten ist, er (...) wird weinen um die Sünden seiner Gefährten wie um seine eigenen, aber er wird deshalb nicht verzweifeln, denn er hat eine realistische Sichtweise von sich selbst. (...) Was noch mehr bedeutet: er hat eine glorreiche Sichtweise von Gott und von dessen Macht zu retten und zu bewahren.“ (Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God)
„Wer seine eigene Sündhaftigkeit erblickt hat, wird im Angesicht von Rückschritten weitermachen können. Er wird nicht überrascht sein über die Sünden derer, denen er zu Diensten ist, er (...) wird weinen um die Sünden seiner Gefährten wie um seine eigenen, aber er wird deshalb nicht verzweifeln, denn er hat eine realistische Sichtweise von sich selbst. (...) Was noch mehr bedeutet: er hat eine glorreiche Sichtweise von Gott und von dessen Macht zu retten und zu bewahren.“ (Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God)
•„Wir haben nicht die Option bekommen, Gott oder unseren Nachbarn zu lieben. Wir sollen Gott und unseren Nachbarn lieben. „Die Liebe unseres Nachbarn ist die einzige Tür aus dem Verließ des eigenen Ichs.“ (George MacDonald: 365 Readings). „Liebe hat Hände, um anderen zu helfen. Sie hat Füße, um zu den Armen und Bedürftigen zu eilen. Sie hat Augen, um Elend und Not zu sehen. Sie hat Ohren, um das Seufzen und die Sorgen der Menschen zu hören. So sieht Liebe aus.“ (Augustine in Inspiring Quotations Contemporary & Classical)
„Jemanden zu lieben, bedeutet so eng mit ihm verbunden zu sein, dass in gewisser Weise alles, was ihnen zustößt, auch dir zustößt. Wenn du jemanden wirklich liebst, solltest du Salz schmecken, wenn er weint.“ (Stephen Brown, If God is in Charge)
„Jemanden zu lieben, bedeutet so eng mit ihm verbunden zu sein, dass in gewisser Weise alles, was ihnen zustößt, auch dir zustößt. Wenn du jemanden wirklich liebst, solltest du Salz schmecken, wenn er weint.“ (Stephen Brown, If God is in Charge)
•Liebe – selbst wenn sie aufrichtig empfunden wird – kann schwere Irrwege gehen, wenn sie sich auf einen Menschen desselben Geschlechts richtet. Wir sollten unser Leben nicht von unseren Gefühlen leiten lassen. Diese wurden durch die Sünde verzerrt. Wir müssen der Anleitung unseres Vaters in der Bibel folgen.
Ein an die Bibel glaubender Christ kann die Prämisse, dass Liebe das einzig Absolute sei, nicht akzeptieren. Liebe braucht jemanden, der sie leitet. (John Scott, Decisive Issues Facing Christians Today)
„Wir sind moralische Wesen und als solche müssen wir die Konsequenzen jeder vollbrachten Tat und jedes gesprochenen Wortes akzeptieren.“ (A. W. Tozer, Of God and Men)
„Eine böse Zunge hat einen großen Einfluss auf die anderen Glieder des Körpers. Wenn ein Mensch schlecht redet, wird er es auch tun. Wenn die Zunge die Kühnheit hat, von Sünde zu reden, wird der Rest der Glieder die Kühnheit haben, sie zu begehen ... Zuerst denken wir, dann sprechen wir und dann tun wir es.“ (The Complete Works of Thomas Manton)
Dr. Mark Laaser sagt, dass die drei Säulen der Sexsucht folgende sind: Fantasie, Pornographie und Masturbation. „Fantasie wird erzeugt von einem Bedürfnis danach, tiefe Sehnsüchte zu erfüllen. Pornographie zeigt Bilder, wie das getan werden kann. Masturbation ist der physische Ausdruck der vielleicht einzigen Berührung oder Zuwendung, die der Süchtige erhält. Die drei sind in einem Zyklus angeordnet. Pornographie stimuliert Fantasie. Fantasie muss ausgedrückt werden. Masturbation erlaubt eine „Erleichterung“ dieses Bedürfnisses. Es gibt aber ein Problem in diesem Zyklus: Während sie vielleicht das physische Bedürfnis nach Sex befriedigt, befriedigt sie nie den emotionalen oder spirituellen Hunger, der tief in der Seele ruht. Süchtige haben nie gelernt, diesen Hunger auf gesunde Art und Weise zu stillen. Stattdessen versuchen sie, dieses Bedürfnis auf die leichteste und am ehesten durchführbare Methode zu befriedigen. Sex erlaubt dem Süchtigen, zu entkommen und damit zeitlich begrenzt mit diesen Gefühlen fertig zu werden. (...) Immer mehr sexuelle Aktivität jedoch erzeugt auch immer mehr negative Gefühle. Dieser Teufelskreis macht die Sexsucht zu einem degenerierenden Prozess. Sie wird schlimmer.“ (Mark Laaser, The Secret Sin)
„Füttere dein Gehirn mit großen Gedanken. An das Heldenhafte zu glauben, macht Helden.“ (Benjamin Disraeli in Leadership)
Dr. Charles Socarides stellt fest: „Das sexuelle Erregungsmuster bei der Homosexualität basiert auf Furcht, liegt im Unbewussten und ist oft völlig jenseits des Bewussteins der Betroffenen. Die wiederholende Suche nach homosexuellen Kontakten ist somit nicht nur von der Sehnsucht nach Vergnügen motiviert; vielmehr ist die Erleichterung und das Vermeiden der Angst von übergeordneter Bedeutung. Bei einigen Homosexuellen ist die Angst chronisch, manchmal bewusst und dann wieder unbewusst. Es ist diese Angst, die der Homosexuelle versucht durch homosexuelle Aktivitäten zu neutralisieren.“ (Male and Female). „Angst oder mentaler Schmerz können durch sexuelle Stimulation und einen Orgasmus neutralisiert oder vermindert werden.“ (Homosexuality) „Das Ziel des homosexuellen Aktes ist es, eine Abhängigkeit von und eine Sicherheit bei „mächtigen“ gleichgeschlecthlichen Partnern zu suchen.“
Dr. Charles Socarides stellt fest: „Das sexuelle Erregungsmuster bei der Homosexualität basiert auf Furcht, liegt im Unbewussten und ist oft völlig jenseits des Bewussteins der Betroffenen. Die wiederholende Suche nach homosexuellen Kontakten ist somit nicht nur von der Sehnsucht nach Vergnügen motiviert; vielmehr ist die Erleichterung und das Vermeiden der Angst von übergeordneter Bedeutung. Bei einigen Homosexuellen ist die Angst chronisch, manchmal bewusst und dann wieder unbewusst. Es ist diese Angst, die der Homosexuelle versucht durch homosexuelle Aktivitäten zu neutralisieren.“ (Male and Female). „Angst oder mentaler Schmerz können durch sexuelle Stimulation und einen Orgasmus neutralisiert oder vermindert werden.“ (Homosexuality) „Das Ziel des homosexuellen Aktes ist es, eine Abhängigkeit von und eine Sicherheit bei „mächtigen“ gleichgeschlecthlichen Partnern zu suchen.“
•„Wenn man zu lange den Feind und seine Macht anstarrt, wächst der Feind im Auge des Betrachters zu gigantischen Proportionen und seine Zitadellen hinauf bis in den Himmel (siehe Deut. 1:28). Die hypnotische Macht des Feindes wird gebrochen, wenn man seinen Blick auf Gott richtet, der fähig ist zu kämpfen und den Sieg zu gewähren (siehe Deut. 1:29-30)“ (Peter C. Craigie, „Psalms 1-50“, Word Biblical Commentary)
1986 haben James und Kim Jackson ihre dreijährige Tochter Amber durch Augenkrebs verloren. Kim selbst hat nun unheilbaren Krebs. Wie erträgt sie das? Sie sagt, „Du kannst dich entweder auf das Gute oder das Schlechte konzentrieren. Du musst für eines von beiden Energie aufbringen und es scheint mehr Sinn zu machen, dich selbst und andere glücklich statt traurig zu machen. Ich sage nicht, es ist immer leicht, gut gelaunt zu sein. Ich habe auch meine Tiefpunkte, aber es ergibt keinen Sinn, so zu bleiben. Wir haben so wenig Zeit auf der Erde.“ (Judson Edwards, What They Never Told Us About How To Get Along With Each Other)
1986 haben James und Kim Jackson ihre dreijährige Tochter Amber durch Augenkrebs verloren. Kim selbst hat nun unheilbaren Krebs. Wie erträgt sie das? Sie sagt, „Du kannst dich entweder auf das Gute oder das Schlechte konzentrieren. Du musst für eines von beiden Energie aufbringen und es scheint mehr Sinn zu machen, dich selbst und andere glücklich statt traurig zu machen. Ich sage nicht, es ist immer leicht, gut gelaunt zu sein. Ich habe auch meine Tiefpunkte, aber es ergibt keinen Sinn, so zu bleiben. Wir haben so wenig Zeit auf der Erde.“ (Judson Edwards, What They Never Told Us About How To Get Along With Each Other)
•Dr. Leo Madow sagt, „In der Homosexualität ist oft ein großer Anteil Wut und Ärger, oft direkt unter der Oberfläche.“
Dr. Charles Socarides stellt fest: „Die meisten homosexuellen Akte entwaffnen zunächst den Partner durch die eigene Verführungskunst, Anziehungskraft, Macht, Ansehen, Weiblichkeit oder „Männlichkeit“ und befriedigen sich dann an dem Besiegten. Zu entwaffnen um zu besiegen ist ein übliches Motiv.“
Ein Mann beschrieb seine Gefühle wie folgt: „Ich versuche, von attraktiven Männern das zu nehmen, was ich selbst nicht habe (...) Ich glaube, ich kann selbst kein richtiger Mann sein und so versuche ich Konkurrenten zu verführen und übertrumpfen (...) Ich will doch einen Vater! (...) Ich kann einfach nicht aus der Falle heraus, in die mich meine Mutter gebracht hat (...) und jedes Mal, wenn ich einen Streit mit ihr habe oder sie wütend auf mich ist, scheine ich mir einen Mann heruaszusuchen, den ich sexuell ausbeuten kann und mir selbst zu beweisen, dass ich es mit ihm aufnehmen kann.“ (Irving Bieber et. Al. Homosexuality)
Dr. Charles Socarides stellt fest: „Die meisten homosexuellen Akte entwaffnen zunächst den Partner durch die eigene Verführungskunst, Anziehungskraft, Macht, Ansehen, Weiblichkeit oder „Männlichkeit“ und befriedigen sich dann an dem Besiegten. Zu entwaffnen um zu besiegen ist ein übliches Motiv.“
Ein Mann beschrieb seine Gefühle wie folgt: „Ich versuche, von attraktiven Männern das zu nehmen, was ich selbst nicht habe (...) Ich glaube, ich kann selbst kein richtiger Mann sein und so versuche ich Konkurrenten zu verführen und übertrumpfen (...) Ich will doch einen Vater! (...) Ich kann einfach nicht aus der Falle heraus, in die mich meine Mutter gebracht hat (...) und jedes Mal, wenn ich einen Streit mit ihr habe oder sie wütend auf mich ist, scheine ich mir einen Mann heruaszusuchen, den ich sexuell ausbeuten kann und mir selbst zu beweisen, dass ich es mit ihm aufnehmen kann.“ (Irving Bieber et. Al. Homosexuality)
•„Ärgere dich, aber werde nicht wütend. Verliere nicht die Nerven! Die Nerven zu verlieren, heißt die Kontrolle zu verlieren. Das Ganze steigert sich zur Rage und Rage verwandelt dich in ein gefährliches und angriffslustiges Tier (...) Sage ich vielleicht: „Werde wütend, aber zeige es nicht?“ Bestimmt nicht. Zeig es, wenn du glaubst, du hast Grund dafür. Stelle kühl fest: (1) Ich bin verärgert – und das werde ich nicht verbergen; (2) Ich bin verärgert, weil...“ und bleib unpersönlich: nicht etwa „du blöder xxxxx...“ (Wir sollten versuchen), objektiv zu sein, was das Ziel unseres Ärgers angeht: die Situation, nicht die Person... Zwei gute Regeln, um seinen Ärger auszudrücken: 1) Warte eine Weile... 2) Stelle fest, dass du verärgert bist – und vergiss es dann.“ (Vincent Collins, Me, Myself & You)
•Lasst euch durch den Zorn nicht zur Sünde hinreißen! Die Sonne soll über eurem Zorn nicht untergehen. (Epheser 4:26)
„Wenn ein junger Mann ernsthaft seinen eigenen Vater zurückweist (selbst mit „gutem Grund“), so muss er oft als Erwachsener feststellen, dass er seine eigene Männlichkeit zurückgewiesen hat.“ „Ein Elternteil zu hassen, bedeutet sich selbst zu hassen.“ „Wir können nicht einfach ein Mitglied unserer Familie abtrennen, besonders nicht den Vater oder die Mutter, ohne einen Teil von uns selbst abzutrennen.“ (Leanne Payne, Crisis in Masculinity)
„Wenn ein junger Mann ernsthaft seinen eigenen Vater zurückweist (selbst mit „gutem Grund“), so muss er oft als Erwachsener feststellen, dass er seine eigene Männlichkeit zurückgewiesen hat.“ „Ein Elternteil zu hassen, bedeutet sich selbst zu hassen.“ „Wir können nicht einfach ein Mitglied unserer Familie abtrennen, besonders nicht den Vater oder die Mutter, ohne einen Teil von uns selbst abzutrennen.“ (Leanne Payne, Crisis in Masculinity)
•„Wir müssen uns klar werden, dass Männer und Frauen sind, was sie sind wegen der Sünde. Paulus sagt nicht wie so viele törichte Menschen heutzutage, dass sie es ablehnen, überhaupt irgendetwas Falsches in den Menschen zu sehen. Dass ist nicht das Christentum; das ist Wunschdenken. Das Christentum ist immer realistisch. (...) Vergebung heißt, sich voll des Falschen bewusst zu sein, das sie getan haben und ihnen dann zu vergeben. (...) Und nur ein Christ kann das tun, weil er den Angreifer aus einem neuen Blickwinkel ansehen kann. Vorher hat er ihn als jemanden gesehen, der ihm etwas Schlechtes angetan hat. Jetzt sieht er ihn als Opfer der Sünde, ein Bauer im Spiel des Teufels und eine Täuschung desselben; und er sagt, Ja, er ist so und ich war auch so und es ist auch noch etwas davon in mir da; wer bin ich also, dass ich sagen könnte, ich würde ihm nicht vergeben?“ (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Darkness and Light)
•„Du kannst nur eine Verletzung vergeben, die du auch verstehst und du kannst nur jemand vergeben, wenn du zugibst, dass er dich verletzt hat.“ „Vergebung ist sowohl ein Akt wie ein Prozess. Es ist eine Willensentscheidung, in der du auf dein Recht verzichtest, die zu verletzen, die auch dich verletzt haben und es ist ein andauernder Prozess, sich für Vergebung zu entscheiden bis du schließlich Vergebung fühlst.“ (Archibald D. Hart, Healing Adult Children of Divorce)
Beschreibung des homosexuellen Lebensstils in San Francisco, geschrieben von einem homosexuellen Reporter: „Die schwule Sexszene wurde immer unpersönlicher. Zuerst hat man mit jemand geschlafen, die ganze Nacht gekuschelt und geredet und morgens Omelettes gegessen. Dann wurde das Frühstück weggelassen – wie viele Omelettes kann man schon machen, bis es langweilig wird? Dann ist man nicht mehr über Nacht geblieben. In den Saunas schließlich musste man nicht einmal mehr reden. Clubs mit „Glory Holes“ und „Cornholes“ kamen als nächstes in Mode. Dort musstest du noch nicht einmal den Menschen ansehen, mit dem du Sex hattest.“ (Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On)
Ken Horne war ein junger Mann, der von Oregon nach San Francisco zog – auf der Suche nach Liebe. Er suchte den Mann, den er „heiraten“ konnte. „Als er keinen Gatten fand, nahm er das Nächstbeste – Sex – und bald wurde Sex zu so etwas wie seiner Karriere. Es war nicht Liebe, aber wenigstens fühlte es sich gut an. (...) Als der Fokus beim Sex von Leidenschaft zur Technik wechselte, lernte Ken all die Dinge, die man tun konnte, um seinem Körper Vergnügen abzuringen. Die sexuellen Praktiken wurden immer esoterischer; das war der einzige Weg, um der Langeweile zu entkommen..“ Dennoch dachte er immer noch, „das Leben ist eine Enttäuschung.“ Ken Horn war der erste berichtete AIDS-Fall in San Francisco. Am 30. November 1981 holte George Kennetz Horne jr. einen letzten gequälten Atmenzug und verschwand in die totale Dunkelheit.“ (Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On)
•Sagarin und John P. LeRoy warnen in The Homosexual and His Society: A View From Within: Wenn ein Homosexueller „erwartet, dass sein gelegentlicher Sexpartner irgendwie zu seinem Liebhaber oder Lebensgefährten wird, seine Chancen auf Erfüllung dieser Hoffnungen in der Realität sehr gering sind. (...) Viel zu viele Homosexuelle sehen das schwule Leben als ein Mittel, einen Liebhaber zu finden, wenn es doch eher eines ist, um einen One-Night-Stand zu finden!“ „Ein beträchtlicher Anteil der homosexuellen Aktivitäten hat wenig oder kein Vorspiel oder irgendeine Form von Zärtlichkeit oder Zuneigung zwischen den Partnern. Solche Akte finden nicht so sehr zwischen zwei Personen als zwischen Teilen ihrer Körper statt. Sie sind mehr genital als persönlich. Jeder der beiden sieht seinen Partner nur als ein Mittel zum Ziel an: seinen sexuellen Drang zu befriedigen.“
•Dr. Robert Kronemeyer warnt, „Eine der Anzeichen, an denen Homosexualität gemessen werden kann, ist die Promiskuität; sie umfasst die Intensität der dahinterliegenden panischen Angst. Das Bedürfnis, seine Begehrenswürdigkeit zu „beweisen“ ist unersättlich. Getrieben von Partner zu Partner, springt der Homosexuelle von einer „Eroberung“ zur nächsten – entlang der grenzenlosen Straße der „unendlichen Liebe“. Sein sexueller Zwang ist wie der Drang eines Drogensüchtigen nach dem nächsten Schuss oder ein Drink für den unstillbaren Durst eines Alkoholikers. „Schwul zu sein, heißt in die Bar zu gehen,“ jammerte ein Mann – einer von vielen Homosexuellen – „den großen Auftritt zu machen, zu schauen und nochmals zu schauen, einen One-Night-Stand zu haben, niemals wirklich zu lieben oder geliebt zu werden – all dies zu wissen und es doch jede Nacht wieder zu tun. Jahr für Jahr.“ (Overcoming Homosexuality)
•Alan Bell vom Kinsey Institute schreibt: „Ein typisches Bild des männlichen weißen Homosexuellen basierend auf unseren Forschungsergebnissen wäre das eines Menschen, der von mindestens 1.000 Sexpartnern während seines Lebens berichtet, von denen er die meisten vor dem sexuellen Kontakt nicht kannte und mit denen er nur einmal Sex hatte. Nur für wenige dieser Personen empfand er so etwas wie Zuneigung oder hat er überhaupt im gesellschaftlichen Rahmen wieder gesehen.“ „In frühen Studien – durchgeführt vom CDC (Centers for Disease Control) berichteten homosexuelle Männer mit AIDS von durchschnittlich 1.160 Sexpartnern während ihres Lebens.“ (Harry W. Haverkos, M.D. and Robert Edelman, M.D., The Journal of the American Medical Association)
Sieht das für dich nicht eher wie Verachtung als wie Liebe aus?
Sieht das für dich nicht eher wie Verachtung als wie Liebe aus?
„Ich konnte mit Männern nichts anfangen (...) Ich beneidete sie, aber ich verachtete sie auch. Manchmal wünschte ich, dass „ich das hätte, was sie haben“. Manchmal wurde dieser Wunsch sexuell verwirrt bis ich dachte, ich wollte sie und nicht das, was sie besaßen.“ (Ed Hurst with Dave and Neta Jackson, Overcoming Homosexuality)
„Für gewöhnlich zeigt man seinen Körper nicht und wenn man es doch tut, ist man entweder nervös oder hat die Absicht, jemand damit zu beeindrucken. Man hat den Eindruck, dass der fremde Blick, der über den eigenen Körper geht, ihn von sich selbst stiehlt oder andererseits, dass die Zurschaustellung des eigenen Körpers den Anderen einem wehrlos ausliefert und dass in diesem Fall der Andere zum Diener reduziert wird. (...) In dem Maße, in dem ich einen Körper habe, werde ich unter dem Blick einer anderen Person zum Status eines Objekts reduziert und ich zähle nicht mehr länger als ein Mensch für ihn. Oder ich werde selbst sein Herr und schaue ihn meinerseits an. Aber diese Herrschaft bedeutet auch meine eigene Niederlage, denn genau dann, wenn mein eigener Wert durch den Blick eines anderen anerkannt wird, ist dieser nicht mehr der Mensche, von dem ich anerkannt werden wollte, sondern jemand, der fasziniert und seiner Freiheit beraubt ist und der deshalb nicht mehr zählt in meinen Augen.“ (M. Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception)
„Für gewöhnlich zeigt man seinen Körper nicht und wenn man es doch tut, ist man entweder nervös oder hat die Absicht, jemand damit zu beeindrucken. Man hat den Eindruck, dass der fremde Blick, der über den eigenen Körper geht, ihn von sich selbst stiehlt oder andererseits, dass die Zurschaustellung des eigenen Körpers den Anderen einem wehrlos ausliefert und dass in diesem Fall der Andere zum Diener reduziert wird. (...) In dem Maße, in dem ich einen Körper habe, werde ich unter dem Blick einer anderen Person zum Status eines Objekts reduziert und ich zähle nicht mehr länger als ein Mensch für ihn. Oder ich werde selbst sein Herr und schaue ihn meinerseits an. Aber diese Herrschaft bedeutet auch meine eigene Niederlage, denn genau dann, wenn mein eigener Wert durch den Blick eines anderen anerkannt wird, ist dieser nicht mehr der Mensche, von dem ich anerkannt werden wollte, sondern jemand, der fasziniert und seiner Freiheit beraubt ist und der deshalb nicht mehr zählt in meinen Augen.“ (M. Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception)
•Treffe dich mit jemandem, dem du vertraust (Pastor, Step Coach, Freund...), um ihm deine Bestandsaufnahme erstmal vorzutragen, bevor du überhaupt anfängst, sie zu machen.
Schreibe als Überschrift auf eine Seite „Furcht“, auf eine andere „Versteckte Feindseligkeit“ und auf eine dritte „Verachtung für die Welt“. Mache zwei Spalten auf jede Seite, indem du in der Mitte eine Linie ziehst. Über eine Spalte schreibe „Person“, über die andere „Vorfälle“. Nimm eine Seite und schreibe den Namen eines Menschen, für den du so empfunden hast oder immer noch empfindest, in die Spalte „Personen“. Schreibe jedes Mal, an das du dich erinnerst, wo du diesem Menschen gegenüber solche Gefühle hattest, in die Spalte „Vorfälle“. Mache weiter, bis dir zu diesem Menschen nichts mehr einfällt. Dann gehe zu einem anderen Menschen über. So lange, bis dir
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Schritt auswendig.
Schreibe als Überschrift auf eine Seite „Furcht“, auf eine andere „Versteckte Feindseligkeit“ und auf eine dritte „Verachtung für die Welt“. Mache zwei Spalten auf jede Seite, indem du in der Mitte eine Linie ziehst. Über eine Spalte schreibe „Person“, über die andere „Vorfälle“. Nimm eine Seite und schreibe den Namen eines Menschen, für den du so empfunden hast oder immer noch empfindest, in die Spalte „Personen“. Schreibe jedes Mal, an das du dich erinnerst, wo du diesem Menschen gegenüber solche Gefühle hattest, in die Spalte „Vorfälle“. Mache weiter, bis dir zu diesem Menschen nichts mehr einfällt. Dann gehe zu einem anderen Menschen über. So lange, bis dir
Lerne einen hilfreichen Bibelvers aus diesem Schritt auswendig.
Schritt 9
"Wir haben vor Gott, vor uns selbst und vor einem anderen Menschen all unsere Fehler schonungslos eingestanden und Gott demütig gebeten, die negativen Aspekte unseres Charakters zu entfernen"
•Homosexualität hat für viele von uns Schande, Verstecken, das Vorgaukeln einer falschen Identität und Täuschung bedeutet. Manche von uns waren sogar stolz auf ihre Fähigkeit, etwas verborgen zu halten und unsere Gefühle zu verstecken – um alleine durch‘s Leben zu gehen. All das erlaubte es uns, weiter zu leugnen. Es brachte uns in die Lage, uns selbst zu überzeugen, dass wir niemals die Konsequenzen unserer Handlungen erleben müssten. Es hat uns sogar soweit gebracht, dass wir ernsthaft glaubten, es würde niemals Konsequenzen geben.
Wenn wir jemals heilen sollten, bräuchten wir bedingungslose Liebe. Unser Doppelleben machte aber das Empfangen solch einer Liebe unmöglich.Um diese Art von Liebe zu erfahren, mussten wir uns selbst mit all unseren Fehlern vor Gott, uns selbst und Anderen offenbaren.
Unsere moralische Bestandsaufnahme hat uns die Dinge beigebracht, die wir zu beichten hatten. Wir fangen mit Gott an, weil Er Liebe ist (siehe 1 Johannes 4:16) und sich verpflichtet hat, all denen zu vergeben und sie von der Sünde weiß zu waschen, die Ihm ihre Sünden beichten (siehe 1 Johannes 1:9).
•Irgendwann kam dann die Zeit, wo wir die zerstörerischen Konsequenzen unseres Lebensstils nicht mehr länger vor uns selbst verbergen konnten. Wir wurden verletzt und wir verletzten Andere – und das oft im Namen der Liebe. Das Verstecken vergrößerte nur unsere Isolation und zerstörte unser Selbstbewusstsein. Uns wurde klar, dass die Geheimnisse, die wir hatten, uns von der Freiheit abhielten, die zu finden wir schließlich als notwendig erkannt hatten.
Wenn wir jemals heilen sollten, bräuchten wir bedingungslose Liebe. Unser Doppelleben machte aber das Empfangen solch einer Liebe unmöglich.Um diese Art von Liebe zu erfahren, mussten wir uns selbst mit all unseren Fehlern vor Gott, uns selbst und Anderen offenbaren.
Unsere moralische Bestandsaufnahme hat uns die Dinge beigebracht, die wir zu beichten hatten. Wir fangen mit Gott an, weil Er Liebe ist (siehe 1 Johannes 4:16) und sich verpflichtet hat, all denen zu vergeben und sie von der Sünde weiß zu waschen, die Ihm ihre Sünden beichten (siehe 1 Johannes 1:9).
•
•Unser Annehmen von Gottes Vergebung gibt uns die Kraft, uns selbst in einem völlig neuen Licht zu sehen. Uns Seiner Vergebung bewusst zu sein ermöglicht es uns, uns selbst zu vergeben. Uns Seiner Annahme bewusst zu sein ermöglicht es uns, uns selbst anzunehmen.
Das bereitet uns für das vollständige Eingestehen einer anderen Person gegenüber vor.Dies ist lebenswichtig, wenn wir die Muster der Unehrlichkeit und Isolation durchbrechen wollen, die uns so lange in der Homosexualität gefangen gehalten haben.
Die Person, die wir all das erzählen, muss sorgfältig ausgewählt werden. Sie sollte ein Grundwissen über Homosexualität haben, unsere Eingeständnisse absolut vertraulich behandeln können, sich der eigenen Schwäche sowie des eigenen Bedürfnisses nach Gottes Gnade bewusst sein und er sollte die bedingungslose Liebe Gottes durch Jesus Christus unseren Herrn erfahren haben.
Das bereitet uns für das vollständige Eingestehen einer anderen Person gegenüber vor.Dies ist lebenswichtig, wenn wir die Muster der Unehrlichkeit und Isolation durchbrechen wollen, die uns so lange in der Homosexualität gefangen gehalten haben.
Die Person, die wir all das erzählen, muss sorgfältig ausgewählt werden. Sie sollte ein Grundwissen über Homosexualität haben, unsere Eingeständnisse absolut vertraulich behandeln können, sich der eigenen Schwäche sowie des eigenen Bedürfnisses nach Gottes Gnade bewusst sein und er sollte die bedingungslose Liebe Gottes durch Jesus Christus unseren Herrn erfahren haben.
•Dieses Eingestehen baut Intimität auf, die ein wichtiger Bestandteil der Heilung ist. Wir müssen uns aber auch unserer eigenen Verletzlichkeit bewusst sein. Es ist klug, dafür jemanden zu wählen, zu dem wir uns nicht sexuell hingezogen fühlen.
Unsere Beichte ist kein Durchleuchten mit Röntgenstrahlen, das jedes dunkle Detail unseres sexuellen Missverhalten umfasst., sondern ein aufrichtiges Auseinandersetzen mit unseren charakterlichen Fehlern, die uns wehrlos unserer Lust gegenüber gemacht haben. Wir müssen unserer inneren Motivation begegnen, den Lohn, den wir von unserer Homosexualität bekommen haben und nicht jedes kleinste Detail unserer sexuellen Begegnungen erzählen.
Unsere Beichte ist kein Schuld-Zuschieben. Unsere inneren Kämpfe sind zwar ein Ergebnis von Dingen, die in unserer Kindheit geschehen sind, wir sind aber nun als Erwachsene dafür verantwortlich, wie wir auf diese Dinge reagieren.
Unsere Beichte ist kein Durchleuchten mit Röntgenstrahlen, das jedes dunkle Detail unseres sexuellen Missverhalten umfasst., sondern ein aufrichtiges Auseinandersetzen mit unseren charakterlichen Fehlern, die uns wehrlos unserer Lust gegenüber gemacht haben. Wir müssen unserer inneren Motivation begegnen, den Lohn, den wir von unserer Homosexualität bekommen haben und nicht jedes kleinste Detail unserer sexuellen Begegnungen erzählen.
Unsere Beichte ist kein Schuld-Zuschieben. Unsere inneren Kämpfe sind zwar ein Ergebnis von Dingen, die in unserer Kindheit geschehen sind, wir sind aber nun als Erwachsene dafür verantwortlich, wie wir auf diese Dinge reagieren.
•Beichte heißt, unseren eigenen Fehlern ins Gesicht zu sehen – und nicht denen der Anderen.
Der Person, der wir unsere Verfehlungen eingestehen, kann uns helfen, das, was wir enthüllen, im richtigen Licht zu sehen. Wenn wir zu lasch uns gegenüber sind, kann er oder sie uns helfen, unsere Ausreden zu erkennen, sodass die Wahrheit uns befreien kann. Wenn wir zu hart mit uns selbst umgehen und glauben, dass alles, was jemals schief gelaufen ist, allein unser Fehler war, kann uns geholfen werden, zu erkennen, wofür wir verantwortlich sind und es Anderen überlassen, für ihre eigenen Angelegenheiten Rechenschaft abzulegen.So können wir wegen unserer eigenen Probleme beten und sie angehen.
Viele von uns haben ihr Privatleben jahrelang unter Verschluss gehalten und diese erste Erfahrung, uns selbst einem Anderen gegenüber völlig aufrichtig zu öffnen, kann unterschiedlichste Reaktionen hervorrufen. Manche von uns fanden das befreiend, andere sehr schmerzhaft.
„Der Weg der Sünde geht den Hügel hinunter; die Menschen können sich selbst nicht nur nicht anhalten, sie werden auch immer schneller, je längr sie ihn fortsetzen.“ (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible)
„Die Menschen hassen ihre Sünden, aber können auch nicht von ihnen lassen.“ (Seneca in Gathered Gold)
„Obwohl du vergebens gegen deine schlechten Gewohnheiten gekämpft hast, obwohl du ernsthaft mit ihnen gerungen hast und dich wieder und wieder fest dazu entschlossen hast – nur um von deinen gigantischen Sünden und deinen schrecklichen Leidenschaften besiegt zu werden, gibt es Einen, der all deine Sünden für dich überwinden kann ... Er kann dich von innen heraus reinigen und dich auch rein halten. Sieh Ihn an!“ (C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit)
Der Person, der wir unsere Verfehlungen eingestehen, kann uns helfen, das, was wir enthüllen, im richtigen Licht zu sehen. Wenn wir zu lasch uns gegenüber sind, kann er oder sie uns helfen, unsere Ausreden zu erkennen, sodass die Wahrheit uns befreien kann. Wenn wir zu hart mit uns selbst umgehen und glauben, dass alles, was jemals schief gelaufen ist, allein unser Fehler war, kann uns geholfen werden, zu erkennen, wofür wir verantwortlich sind und es Anderen überlassen, für ihre eigenen Angelegenheiten Rechenschaft abzulegen.So können wir wegen unserer eigenen Probleme beten und sie angehen.
Viele von uns haben ihr Privatleben jahrelang unter Verschluss gehalten und diese erste Erfahrung, uns selbst einem Anderen gegenüber völlig aufrichtig zu öffnen, kann unterschiedlichste Reaktionen hervorrufen. Manche von uns fanden das befreiend, andere sehr schmerzhaft.
„Keine noch so große Anzahl an Verfehlungen wird uns wirklich zugrunde richten, wenn wir uns selbst jedes Mal wieder hochziehen. Wir werden natürlich sehr schmutzige Kinder in zerfetzten Kleidern sein, wenn wir nach Hause kommen, aber das Badezimmer ist schon bereit, die Handtücher liegen heraußen und die saubere Kleidung hängt schon auf dem Bügel. Das einzig Tödliche ist es, seine Nerven zu verlieren und aufzugeben. Wenn wir unseren Schmutz bemerken, ist Gott in uns gegenwärtig: es ist genau das Zeichen Seiner Gegenwart.“ (Letters of C.S. Lewis)
•„Ich bin der Meinung, dass wenn Gott uns vergibt, wir uns auch selbst vergeben müssen. Sonst wäre das fast so, als würden wir uns zu einem höheren Richter aufspielen, als Er ist.“ (Letters of C. S. Lewis)
„Die Wahrheit über uns Menschen ist, dass wir genau dann am meisten geliebt werden wollen, wenn wir es am wenigsten verdienen. Nur Gott kann dieses unglaubliche Bedürfnis befriedigen. Nur Gott kann eine Liebe geben, die so tief ist, dass es uns aus den Tiefen rettet.“ (Inspiring Quotations Contemporary & Classical)
„Die Wahrheit über uns Menschen ist, dass wir genau dann am meisten geliebt werden wollen, wenn wir es am wenigsten verdienen. Nur Gott kann dieses unglaubliche Bedürfnis befriedigen. Nur Gott kann eine Liebe geben, die so tief ist, dass es uns aus den Tiefen rettet.“ (Inspiring Quotations Contemporary & Classical)
•„Gott liebt uns so wie wir sind – aber Er liebt uns viel zu sehr, um uns so zu lassen.“ (Leighton Ford in Inspiring Quotations Contemporary & Classical)
„Ich bin so irgendwie zurecht gekommen in meinem Leben und größtenteils dachte ich auch, ich sei glücklich. Was diesen Glauben möglich machte, war, dass ich keine Verbindung zu meinen Gefühlen hatte. Um den Schmerz der Wahrheit zu vermeiden, habe ich meine Gefühle schon im Kindesalter ausgeschaltet. (...) Und so hat die Schlussfolgerung, ich sei glücklich, so lange angedauert, wie ich die innere Unruhe ignoriert hatte. Es war als würde jemand in mir schreien, ich solle aufwachen, jemand, der dort eingeschlossen war und nach Hilfe rief – in der Hoffnung, seine Retter würden ihn hören. Aber ich wusste nicht, wie ich zuhören sollte, wer da rief, was die Schreie bedeuteten oder was ich tun sollte. Ich hatte Angst. (...) Es gab zwei Hauptgründe, warum ich jahrelang nichts von der Wahrheit wissen wollte: Zum einen glaubte ich, ich sei „abgrundtief schlecht, nicht gut genug, fehlerhaft, wertlos und als Mensch nicht vollwertig.“ Zweitens wusste ich instinktiv, dass die Wahrheit auch Schmerz bedeuten würde. Ich dachte, dass es schlecht sei, Schmerz zu fühlen und gleichzeitig bedeutete, dass mit mir etwas falsch war. Tief ins Innere von einem vorzudringen und zu erfahren, wer man wirklich ist wird dadurch erreicht, dass man eine schmerzhafte Schicht der Verdrängung nach der anderen abschält. Heute weiß ich, dass Schmerz die Tür zur Freiheit ist. Ich bin nicht unbedingt von dieser Realität begeistert, aber das ist die Wahrheit.“ (Bob Earl, I Got Tired of Pretending)
„Ich bin so irgendwie zurecht gekommen in meinem Leben und größtenteils dachte ich auch, ich sei glücklich. Was diesen Glauben möglich machte, war, dass ich keine Verbindung zu meinen Gefühlen hatte. Um den Schmerz der Wahrheit zu vermeiden, habe ich meine Gefühle schon im Kindesalter ausgeschaltet. (...) Und so hat die Schlussfolgerung, ich sei glücklich, so lange angedauert, wie ich die innere Unruhe ignoriert hatte. Es war als würde jemand in mir schreien, ich solle aufwachen, jemand, der dort eingeschlossen war und nach Hilfe rief – in der Hoffnung, seine Retter würden ihn hören. Aber ich wusste nicht, wie ich zuhören sollte, wer da rief, was die Schreie bedeuteten oder was ich tun sollte. Ich hatte Angst. (...) Es gab zwei Hauptgründe, warum ich jahrelang nichts von der Wahrheit wissen wollte: Zum einen glaubte ich, ich sei „abgrundtief schlecht, nicht gut genug, fehlerhaft, wertlos und als Mensch nicht vollwertig.“ Zweitens wusste ich instinktiv, dass die Wahrheit auch Schmerz bedeuten würde. Ich dachte, dass es schlecht sei, Schmerz zu fühlen und gleichzeitig bedeutete, dass mit mir etwas falsch war. Tief ins Innere von einem vorzudringen und zu erfahren, wer man wirklich ist wird dadurch erreicht, dass man eine schmerzhafte Schicht der Verdrängung nach der anderen abschält. Heute weiß ich, dass Schmerz die Tür zur Freiheit ist. Ich bin nicht unbedingt von dieser Realität begeistert, aber das ist die Wahrheit.“ (Bob Earl, I Got Tired of Pretending)
•„Dieser Schritt (seine Sünden jemanden einzugestehen) fordert die Überzeugung eines Süchtigen mehr als jeder andere heraus, nämlich dass – sollte jemand wirklich alles über ihn wissen – er ihn auch abweisen würde. In der bedingungslosen Annahme durch einen anderen Menschen kommt es oft zu einer großen Schmerzerleichterung.“ (Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows)
Don Baker erzählt von Jerry, einem Mann aus seiner Gemeinde, den er seelsorgerisch betreute und der Freiheit von der Homosexualität fand. Ihm wurde geholfen von Dan, den er im theologischen Seminar traf. „Als Jerry schließlich Dan gestand, dass er ein praktizierender Homosexueller war, füllten sich Dan‘s Augen mit Tränen, Jerry‘s Schmerz wurde auf einen ihn liebenden Bruder übertragen. Obwohl er nichts über Homosexualität wusste, war Dan doch bereit, genug zu lernen, um helfen zu können.“ Er war Tag und Nacht für Jerry zu erreichen und Jerry stellte diese Ergebenheit wiederholt auf die Probe. Er rief an, wenn er wieder zurück in die Sünde gefallen war – manchmal mitten in der Nacht – und er war immer willkommen. „Sie saßen oft schweigend zusammen und sahen einander an. Beide fingen dann an, zu weinen. Dan fragte: „Jerry, erkennst du an, dass das, was du getan hast, eine Sünde ist?“ „Ja“ antwortete Jerry dann... Dan fragte ihn dann, ob er Gott um Vergebung gebeten hat.... „Oh ja, immer wieder – so oft, dass ich mich schäme, immer wieder zu Ihm zurück zu kommen. Wie kann Er mir nur immer wieder vergeben?“ Wie kann Er mich immer noch lieben?...“ Geduldig und liebevoll sah Dan dann in der Schrift nach, mit der Absicht, Jerry‘s Glauben wieder aufzubauen und ihn daran zu erinnern, dass seine Errettung davon abhing, was Jesus am Kalvarienberg getan hatte ... Und nicht davon, was Jerry getan hatte. Dies wurde Dutzende Male wiederholt, wobei die Versuchung bei Jerry nicht weniger wurde – und ebenso wenig die Ungeduld von Dan.
Dan schlug vor, dass Jerry ihn anrief, bevor er Sex hatte statt hinterher. Jerry entschied schließlich, das zu versuchen. Er sagte Dan, dass er müde und einsam war und dass er es nicht bekämpfen wolle. Er versuchte verzweifelt, Dan dazu zu bewegen, aufzulegen und schrie ihn schließlich an, er solle endlich sagen, was er sagen wolle, weil er gehen müsse. Er wusste, dass Dan und seine Frau Gäste beherbergten und erwartete, dass Dan es bei ihm aufgeben würde. Aber das tat er nicht. Stattdessen begann er zu beten und Gott fing an, Jerry‘s Herz weich zu machen. Dan fragte: „Nun, Jerry, willst du nun nach Hause gehen?“ „Ich wünschte, das wäre so einfach,“ sagte Jerry leise. „Ich wünschte, ich könnte nach Hause gehen. Ich wünschte, ich könnte dir versichern, dass ich nach Hause gehen werde – aber das kann ich nicht.“ Einmal mehr fragte Dan sanft aber bestimmt: „Jerry, wirst du nach Hause und ins Bett gehen?“ Es gab eine langes Schweigen – gefolgt von einem tiefen Seufzer und einem leisen, aber bestimmten „Ja.“ Jerry ging nach Hause. (...) Zum ersten Mal hatte er die Macht dieser zwanghaften Versuchung gebrochen. Er hatte einen kleinen Schritt nach vorne gemacht. Er hatte Gott gehorcht und als er das tat, beruhigte Gott seinen wilden, unkontrollierbaren Drang nach Sex und er ging zu Bett und schlief – einen tiefen, friedlichen Schlaf.“ (Beyond Rejection)
•„Gott hilft denen, die sich nicht selbst helfen können.“ (C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit)
„Der Weg der Sünde geht den Hügel hinunter; die Menschen können sich selbst nicht nur nicht anhalten, sie werden auch immer schneller, je längr sie ihn fortsetzen.“ (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible)
„Die Menschen hassen ihre Sünden, aber können auch nicht von ihnen lassen.“ (Seneca in Gathered Gold)
„Obwohl du vergebens gegen deine schlechten Gewohnheiten gekämpft hast, obwohl du ernsthaft mit ihnen gerungen hast und dich wieder und wieder fest dazu entschlossen hast – nur um von deinen gigantischen Sünden und deinen schrecklichen Leidenschaften besiegt zu werden, gibt es Einen, der all deine Sünden für dich überwinden kann ... Er kann dich von innen heraus reinigen und dich auch rein halten. Sieh Ihn an!“ (C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit)
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
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Schritt 10
"Wir haben versucht, soweit als möglich jeglichen Schaden, den wir anderen zugefügt haben, wieder gut zu machen."
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
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Schritt 11
"Wir haben uns entschlossen, nicht mehr länger in Furcht vor der Welt zu leben, da wir glauben, dass Gottes siegreiche Kontrolle alles, was gegen uns steht, zu unseren Gunsten wendet und etwas Gutes aus den Sorgen hervorbringt sowie Ordnung aus dem Chaos."
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Schritt 12
"Wir sind entschlossen, in unseren Beziehungen zu Männern und Frauen zu reifen und die Bedeutung einer Partnerschaft von gleichberechtigten Partnern zu lernen, wobei wir weder Dominanz über Menschen noch Abhängigkeit von ihnen suchen."
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Schritt 13
•"Wir haben durch vertrauensvolles Beten und die Weisheit der Bibel ein andauerndes Wachsen unserer Beziehung zu Gott gesucht, sowie ein demütiges Annehmen Seiner Führung für unser Leben."
Zusätzliche Hilfen findest du hier.
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Schritt 14
"Nachdem wir ein spirituelles Erwachen erleben durften, versuchen wir nun, diese Botschaft an andere Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen heranzutragen - mit einer Liebe, die nichts verlangt und nichts fordert. Wir werden diese Schritte in allen Bereichen unseres Lebens praktizieren, so weit uns dies möglich ist."
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Message from Bill B. (former HA-Online Leader)
Living in a lie.
I write this because I lived the lie. Today I live in freedom from the lie. It was only by God’s grace that I found the way out of the lie, the lie opf homosexuality.
When I come to think of my life then it was one big lie. On the outside everything looked rosey, but inside there was turmoil. There were lioes I told to cover up, and lies I told myself. Yes even in recovery I told muyself lies. I told myself it was okay to masturbate myself as realy it wasn’t doing anyone any harm. Yet I was harming myself, I was deceiving myself that everything was alright when in fact it wasn’t.
I had to come to believe that I had accepted a lie about myself , that I was trapped in a false identity and no matter how hard I tried by myself I could not shake the power of the delusion from myself. I had to always turn to God. This did not mean I did nothing to co-operate with God, in fact I could delude myself even further if I just stood and waited for God to act for me! I had the responsibility to act on what God said in His word. To obey Him and not myself any more. I had to learn to put away the lies and the delusions and to find truth to replace the lies I had told myself.
I am free by God’s grace alone. It took His power to break my lies and my delusion, and believe me it will take the same power to break your lies and delusion. Anything less is a deception!
How do I know this? I have been free for some years now. I face my seventieth birthday in February next year, and I see that only by God’s grace to me the sinner. Yes you too can find freedom from homosexuality, if you listen to God and work the steps of HA diligently daily. Make them part of your day every day, not something to do when you think of it as if you are anything like me you are sure to forget it and delay doing it and it slips from you like quick sand.
Become a doer of God’s word and not just a listener and watch as God enables you to find the freedom you seek,. May God bless you all.
billb
Prayer
This prayer has been written by a man who was working through step 1:
“God’s will is that I live a holy life, not devastated by demonic forces. To that end I promise to You that I will spend time other than in bed at night to pray and meditate on the Word. I now command any forces at work in me to be gone, in the name of my Savior, Christ, who shed His blood as atonement for my sin and whose blood can and will cover me as a protection against evil.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will indwell my heart and mind so much that I will not only speak in heavenly languages, but that I will exemplify Your character; Your gifts will be given to me as You direct; and that the fruit of the Spirit will be evident to everyone. I repent of my inappropriate thoughts, of my criticism of people, of any self-righteousness, of allowing Satan to affect me in any way.
I stand before you, Father, an imperfect man, willing and wanting to have your presence and working in my life and heart. I feel in awe of You and Your power to work in Your creation. I bless You. I worship You. I bow down in humility, wanting nothing more than that You work, through the power of the Holy Spirit in me, Your will.
May the tribute of my worship be pleasing in Your eyes, most holy Father. Grant that the sacrifice of my life to You in the presence of Your majesty, may be acceptable to You, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Through Christ my Lord I pray.
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.”
Jim
HA Workbook
LORD, SET ME FREE!
A Workbook on the Fourteen Steps
Published by
Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services
H.A.F.S. APPROVED LITERATURE
Homosexuals Anonymous/HA Copyright 1994
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the copyright owner, except for brief quotations embodied in reviews.
To God, whose mercy endureth forever--
the Father, who in love purposed my salvation,
the Son, who bore my sins in his own body on the tree,
the Spirit, who indwells, guides, and empowers my life;
to Colin C., co-founder of Homosexuals Anonymous
to whom God gave the 14 Steps on which our recovery is based;
to Dan R., my counselor, and Calvin K., my pastor,
whose support and guidance were richly used of God in my recovery;
to Peter F., Rudy C., Geoffrey P., John W., Bob P., and especially Ivan L.,
men whose friendship has helped and sustained me in the process of recovery;
to Duncan E., Richard P., Charles M.,
Paul K., David W., Lois S., Alex C., Jack H., Rod H., and Ivan L.,
Homosexuals Anonymous Board members past and present,
without whose help and encouragement this ministry could not prosper;
to Jim P., Ivan L., and Nancy B.,
who graciously volunteered many hours to help me complete this workbook;
to the members of the Reading chapters of Homosexuals Anonymous,
whose experience, strength, and hope has enriched me beyond measure;
to the courageous men and women who are members of Homosexuals Anonymous,
who have committed their lives to the living God
and have determined to walk the road of freedom
until they grow up into Christ in all things;
this workbook is gratefully dedicated.
--John J., Reading, PA
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction1
Step 1 We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.
Step 2 We came to believe the love of God, Who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.
Step 3 We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, Who is able to bring good out of trouble.
Step 4 We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.
Step 5 We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.
Step 6 We learned to claim our true reality that, as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.
Step 7 We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.
Step 8 As forgiven people, free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility and contempt for the world.
Step 9 We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.
Step 10 We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.
Step 11 We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.
Step 12 We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.
Step 13 We sought, through confident praying and the wisdom of Scripture, for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.
Step 14 Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to people in homosexuality with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.
HOW TO USE THIS WORKBOOK
(PLEASE READ THIS!)
Why work a workbook?
Personal research helps us learn new ideas. Writing forces us to clarify our thoughts. Using a workbook involves research and writing to deepen our understanding.
What about a cover for my workbook?
This workbook was designed to fit a regular three-hole binder. Please purchase your own cover which will allow you to carry the workbook anywhere and have your anonymity protected. We recommend that you also purchase dividers and separate the workbook by steps to help you find your place quickly. You can also keep any additional material you have collected in your notebook behind the appropriate step. This should give you a wealth of material on recovery for your own use and to help others.
What will I need besides this workbook?
A pen or pencil and a Bible. Any standard version will do. If you have trouble understanding a verse, check it in a second translation.
How can I find a passage in the Bible?
To find Joshua 1:8, for example, look for Joshua in the "Table of Contents" in your Bible and turn to the page indicated. The number before the colon (:) indicates the chapter you want, in this case, chapter 1. The number after the colon indicates the verse sought, so look for verse 8 in chapter 1.
What if I have doubts?
This workbook uses the Bible to help us understand God and ourselves. Even if you have doubts about God, you can still find help from this study if you approach it with an open mind and a willing heart.
How do I answer the questions?
Write the verses, exactly as you find them in the Bible, in the space provided in the workbook. If a thought comes to you as you write the verse, jot it down in the margin next to the verse. It is more important that you make this workbook useful to you than that you make it neat. In the "Personal Response" section, summarize these verses and thoughts and apply them to your life. You may also wish to express your reaction (positive or negative) to them.
How much should I do at one time?
Work at your own pace. Perhaps one question in a section with its "personal response" a day might be comfortable for you. When you want to work more, do so. If you find the material difficult to understand or if it brings up painful emotions, work more slowly. At least do a little every day. As someone has said, "It is not how many times you have been through the Bible that matters, but how many times the Bible has been through you." Work at a pace that enables you to make these truths a part of your life (which is the only way they can help you) rather than rushing to get through this workbook.
Should I skip around?
Try to finish each Step in this workbook as completely as possible before going on. This includes doing the assignments under "How You Can Work This Step". Each Step is a vital link in the chain of recovery.
Can I get help with this material?
We encourage you to do so. We often come to a deeper understanding of ourselves through others and experience God's healing power through their acceptance, encouragement, and support. Ask one of the senior members of your HA chapter whom you respect and with whom you feel comfortable to be your step coach. Ask him/her to meet with you weekly to go over your work and answer any questions you have. If you are not near a chapter, perhaps you can meet regularly with one or more friends who will work this workbook with you.
Can our HA chapter do this workbook together?
By all means! (1) Have your coordinator collect money from and order workbooks for each member. Order several extra workbooks with money from your treasury and have them available for new members to purchase. (2) When the workbooks arrive, the moderator should assign the questions to be done for discussion at the next meeting. He/she must work ahead so they can assign enough questions to insure that everyone learns something and there can be a good discussion, but not so much material as to over-pressure members with more work than they can complete. (3) Encourage each new member to meet with a step coach between meetings for help with their study. (4) Ask each member to commit themselves to make a sincere effort to: (a) attend regularly ("bring the body and the mind will follow"); (b) do their homework, even is some of the material causes personal discomfort; (c) participate in the meeting and share openly and honestly to the best of their ability; (d) accept support and give it to others; (e) recognize their own limits and those of others; (f) realize that God does the healing through His Son by His Word and Spirit; (g) recognize that they must take personal responsibility for their own recovery in dependence on God's grace and strength; (h) make time each day for prayer and meditation on God's Word; (i) work the steps; (j) refrain from seeing themselves as victims but rather as persons working a program of recovery.
INTRODUCTION
I fought a lonely, losing battle with homosexuality for thirty-six years before I found that there is real hope and help.
My father wanted me, his firstborn, to be exactly like he was--strong, tough, a fighter, and a doctor. These were things God had not equipped me to be. I felt I was not what my father wanted and that he did not love me. So I put up a wall between us and missed the love I needed from my father to develop a healthy gender identity.
I first became aware of homosexual feelings when I was twelve, but I hid them from everyone but two friends with whom I was sexually involved during my teen years. At eighteen I became a Christian, and that stopped outward activity for over twenty years. It did not end the inner struggle. Neither did intense religious activity or marriage and children. Temptation persisted until a time of great stress in my late thirties when I felt I could fight no longer. Once I yielded, I could not stop no matter how hard I tried. The result was blackmail, exposure, the loss of my reputation and family, and an attempted suicide.
God is able to bring good out of trouble! As a result of my problems, I learned about Homosex- uals Anonymous and for the first time came in contact with well-founded hope and solid help. The 14 Steps of HA crystallized and concentrated biblical truth on my struggle so that homosex- ual activity ceased and the power of temptation lessened. There are no quick fixes or easy solutions. I still have times of struggle, but the Good Shepherd has found His wandering sheep, has me on His shoulder, and is carrying me home!
God's Word shows how this experience can be yours too. The Bible tells us how we can have God's enabling power in our lives so that we can follow His counsel and realize His promises. The 14 Steps are a guide to help us know God's strength in our struggles. They show us how God can change lives that were ineffectual and unhappy into lives that are joyful and fruitful.
1. Can the Bible show me how to find freedom?
Joshua 1:8
Some of us felt, "But I tried the Bible and it didn't work!" Something was missing. A know- ledge of the Bible is vital to recovery, but it is only when the truths of Scripture become part of the very core of our being that they do their transforming work. When Scripture is rooted in our very souls, immeasurable power is released!
"One day in 1945, Clarence W. Hall, a war correspondent following on the heels of our troops in Okinawa, came upon the tiny village of Shimabuku.
"It was an obscure little community of only a few hundred native Okinawans. Thirty years before, an American missionary on his way to Japan, had stopped here. He had not stayed long --just long enough to make a few converts, leave them a Bible, and pass on.
"One of the converts was Shosei Kina, the other...his brother Mojon. From the time of the missionary's visit they had seen no other missionary and had had no contact with any other Christian person. But in those thirty years Shosei Kina and his brother had made their New Testament come alive....
"Aflame with their discovery, they taught the other villagers until every man, woman and child in Shimabuku had become a Christian. Shosei Kina became head man in the village; his brother, Mojon, the chief teacher. In Mojon's school the Bible was read daily. To Shosei Kina's village government, its precepts were law. Under the impact of this book, pagan practices fell away. In their place...there had developed a Christian democracy at its purest.
"Then after thirty years came the American army, storming across the island. Little Shimabuku was directly in its path and took some severe shelling. When our advance patrols swept up to the village compound, the GIs, guns leveled, stopped dead in their tracks as two little old men stepped forth, bowed low and began to speak.
"An interpreter explained that the old men were welcoming them as fellow Christians. They remembered that their missionary had come from America. So, though these Americans seemed to approach things a little differently..., the two old men were overjoyed to see them.
"The GIs reaction was typical. Flabbergasted, they sent for the chaplain.
"The chaplain came, and with him the officers of the Intelligence Service. They toured the village and were astonished at what they saw--spotlessly clean homes and streets, poised and gentle villagers, a high level of health and happiness, intelligence and prosperity. They had seen many other villages on Okinawa--villages of unbelievable poverty and filth. Against these Shim- abuku shone like a diamond in a dung heap.
"Shosei Kina and his brother Mojon observed the American's amazement and took it for disap- pointment... They bowed humbly and said, 'We are sorry if we seem a backward people. We have, honored sirs, tried our best to follow the Bible and live like Jesus. Perhaps if you will show us how...'
"Hall relates that he strolled through Shimabuku one day with a tough old Army sergeant. As they walked the sergeant turned to him and whispered hoarsely, 'I can't figure it--this kind of people coming out of only a Bible and a couple of old guys who wanted to live like Jesus!' Then he added a penetrating observation: 'Maybe we've been using the wrong kind of weapons...'" [Richard Hall and Eugene P. Beitler, How To Read the Bible, p. 17-19]
Psalm 119:9
"This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 8]
"...At the very start we must make clear there are no quick cures.... I consistently warn against solutions that are more magic than miracle, and sow confusion in the hearts of hurting Christ- ians. I spend a disproportionate amount of counseling time trying to pick up the pieces of disillusioned Christians who have unsuccessfully tried some instant cure." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 20]
Psalm 119:11
"Meditation is the wing of the soul, which carrieth the affections thereof to things above.... Hereby we hold fast the things which we have learned, we awaken our faith, inflame our love, strengthen our hope, revive our desires, increase our joys in God, we furnish our hearts and fill our mouths with materials of prayer, we loosen our affections from the world, we pre-acquaint ourselves with those glories which we yet but hope for, and get some knowledge of that love of Christ which passeth knowledge. Meditation is the palate of the soul whereby we taste the goodness of God; the eye of the soul whereby we view the beauties of holiness; that...gymnasia whereby our spiritual senses are exercised... It is the key to the wine cellar, to the banqueting house, to the garden of spices, which letteth us in unto him whom our soul loveth; it is the arm whereby we embrace the promises at a distance, and bring Christ and our souls together." [Edward Reynolds, "The Epistle to the Reader," in Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. iv-v]
Psalm 119:105
"Psychology can help in diagnosis, but only God can cure. As a rule He does so through the Book." [Andrew W. Blackwood, Preaching From the Bible, p. 212]
"One of the chief obstacles to healing is our obsession with the immediate. The 'itch for the instantaneous' pervades much of our Christian thinking. We tend to think that unless a healing is immediate, it is not of God... We have become impatient and frustrated with things that take time." [David Seamands, Healing of Memories, p. 181]
Isaiah 8:20
Since the Word of God can do so much for us, it is not surprising that the enemy of our souls would try to turn us away from it. For this reason both Old and New Testaments are full of warnings against false prophets and false teachers.
"We are to receive nothing for truth but what is agreeable to the Word. As God has given to his ministers gifts for interpreting obscure places, so he has given to his people so much of the spirit of discerning, that they can tell (at least in things necessary to salvation) what is consonant to Scripture, and what is not.... We have this blessed Book of God to resolve all our doubts, to point out a way of life to us.... God having given us his written Word to be our directory takes away all excuses of men. No man can say, I went wrong for want of light; God has given thee his Word as a lamp to thy feet; therefore if thou goest wrong, thou dost it wilfully.... The Spirit of God acts regularly, it works in and by the Word; and he that pretends to a new light, which is either above the Word, or contrary to it, abuses both himself and the Spirit: his light is borrowed from him who transforms himself into an angel of light (Satan)." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 31-33]
"The biggest liar in the world is 'They Say.'" [Douglas Malloch quoted in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 13]
John 8:32
"People will go to a lot of trouble to learn French or physics or scuba diving. They have the patience to learn to operate a car but they won't be bothered learning how to operate them- selves." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 8]
"I'm thinking of several Christian young men who came seeking help for their struggles with homosexuality. There were hours of counseling, prayers for healing, and a long time of repro- gramming which included accountability and encouragement from a small support group. They are now happily married, with families, and God has given them a special ministry to others with the same problem." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 182]
II Timothy 3:16,17
"The Bible...is copyrighted in Heaven." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 22]
"Our minds are stuck in a rut, a pattern of thinking that is antagonistic to the will of God. Successful Christian living depends on getting out of that rut and establishing another one that is characterized by biblical values and ways of thinking." [Doug Moo, "Putting the Renewed Mind to Work," Renewing Your Mind in a Secular World , p. 145]
"We are where we are and what we are because of what has gone into our minds. We change where we are and what we are by changing what goes into our minds." [Zig Ziglar in A Treasury of Business Quotations, #213]
"...He that would get weeds destroyed must plant the ground with contrary seeds." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 155]
Personal Response
2. Will God help me understand His truth?
Psalm 25:8
"Men are unable to understand why time should be consumed in divine works.... Men.... demand immediate, tangible results. They ask, Where is the promise of His coming? They ask to be themselves made glorified saints in the twinkling of an eye. God's ways are not their ways, and it is a great trial to them that God will not walk in their ways. They love the earthquake and the fire. They cannot see the divine in 'a sound of gentle stillness,' and adjust themselves with difficulty to the lengthening perspective of God's gracious working.... These impatient souls....must at all costs have all that is coming to them at once." [B. B. Warfield, Perfectionism II, p. 561]
Psalm 32:8,9
"..A man was walking behind a gipsy woman and when they came to a place where the road divided, the gipsy woman threw her stick up into the air, and let it fall on the ground. Then she did it a second time; and a third time. By this time the gentleman had caught up with her, and, being curious, he enquired: 'Why do you throw your stick up into the air like that?' She replied, 'That is how I determine which way to go; I go whichever way the stick points.' 'But you threw it up three times,' he said, wondering why she had done so. 'Yes, I did!' she answered, 'for the silly thing would point that way, and I wanted to go this!'" [George Goodman, I Live Yet Not I, p. 84-85]
We may smile at the woman's folly, but are we any wiser when we do not let God rule, but only obey were God's commands agree with our wishes?
"I have found that many Christians rely more on their own ideas and feelings than they do on the Bible, especially when Scripture commands them to do difficult things. In particular, many people seem to believe they can be sure they are doing what is right if they pray and feel a sense of 'inner peace.' Nowhere does the Bible guarantee that a sense of peace is a sure sign that one is on the right course. Many people experience a sense of relief ('inner peace') even when they are on a sinful course, simply because they are getting away from stressful responsibilities. Conversely, doing what is right sometimes generates feelings other than peace, especially when we are required to obey difficult commands, die to our own desires, or put others' needs above our own. Since the Bible alone provides absolutely reliable guidance from God, it should always be our supreme source of truth and direction." [Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 229]
Personal Response
3. What should my attitude be for maximum benefit?
Psalm 86:11
We cannot walk in God's way unless He teaches us, but it is folly to ask Him to teach us unless we resolve to obey Him as He instructs us. To do that we need what the psalmist prayed for-- a heart united in reverence for God.
"He has known the misery of a divided heart, the affections and purpose of which are drawn in manifold directions, and are arrayed in conflict against each other. There is no peace nor blessedness, neither is any nobility of life possible, without whole-hearted devotion to one great object; and there is no object capable of evoking such devotion or worthy to receive it, except Him who is 'God alone.' Divided love is no love. It is 'all in all, or not at all.'... There is no tranquillity nor any power in lives frittered away on a thousand petty loves.... 'This one thing I do' is the motto of all who have done anything worthy." [Alexander Maclaren, "The Psalms," The Expositor's Bible III, p. 223]
Psalm 119:18
"It is one of the million wild jests of truth that we can know nothing until we know nothing." [G. K. Chesterton, Heretics, p. 65]
"...Dependence on the Holy Spirit to teach us will guard us against...placing too much confidence in ourselves, and failing to trust the Lord for needed understanding. Of course, dependence on the Holy Spirit does not mean that study is unnecessary. God may sometimes quickly give us understanding of a particular passage, while at other times we may have to study patiently for insight." [Robert L. Samms, How To Study the Bible, Part I, p. 16]
Personal Response
HOW YOU CAN WORK THE PROGRAM
1) You will note that each step begins with "we" rather than "I". Homosexuality springs from a broken relationship with our same-sex parent, and the recovery program in these steps will only be effective as you work it in relationship with others. If there is an HA chapter near you, attend regularly and work the steps with them. If no chapter is nearby, order the Homosexuals Anonymous Policy and Advisory Manual from the "HA Book Ministry" list under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" and start your own. If you can't do that, get two or three friends of the same sex who do not struggle with homosexuality to work this workbook with you (it will be a good Bible study for them). Ask them to encourage you in the recovery process and be accountable to them concerning your progress. Start your own chapter when your recovery is going well and continue to look to your friends for support as the chapter gets under way.
2) Watch the video: HA: The Path to Freedom listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend.
3) Read the brochures Can Homosexuals Change? and We're Finding Freedom listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend.
4) Read the material up to Step 1 in Experience, Strength and Hope listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend. Continue working in your workbook.
5) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 1
We admitted that we were powerless
over our homosexuality
and that our emotional lives
were unmanageable.
In Step 1 we acknowledge that homosexuality is a real problem to us and admit the power it has held over us. Thus we gain the humility we need to reach out to God and others for the help we must have if we are to experience the glorious liberty of the sons and daughters of God.
How long and cleverly we defended our right to wrong ourselves and others by denying that there was anything wrong at all. We deluded ourselves by claiming that there was nothing really wrong because we only engaged in homosexual activity once in a while when other people upset us. Some of us rationalized our behavior by saying, "I only engage in mutual masturbation, not intercourse, and that is not really homosexuality." Others maintained, "I don't have intercourse, just sexual intimacy without orgasm. How can that be wrong?" Some of us said we had no problem since we had never been sexual with anyone, ignoring the fact that homosexual desires, pornography, and masturbation ruled our lives.
We tried to quit. Failing that, we sought to cut down. We made promises and plans, but to no avail. We summoned up all our will-power, only to fail repeatedly. Many of us could not con- trol our outward behavior. The rest of us could not still the fierce war raging in our emotions. What we did not express with the body of another we did express with our own bodies in habit- ual masturbation to fantasy and pornography--leaving us guilty, ashamed, frightened, and hopeless. Our despair was so oppressive that some of us tried to take our own lives.
And so we faced the truth. Our pain and the hurt we were causing others was too real, too intense, to ignore. We were compelled to admit, "Something is desperately wrong. I have a real problem with homosexuality, and I cannot solve it by myself." Strangely, this admission of powerlessness was our first step to strength. Our confession of slavery started us on the road that leads to freedom!
1. What sexual activity was ordained by God?
Genesis 2:24
Human beings "alone...bear His likeness (see Gen. 1:27).... We must know God in order to know ourselves. God also tells us that to discover our true humanity, we must be known by the opposite sex.... When God determined to create a helper for Adam, no mere animal would do. The only adequate counterpart was one who would be similar enough to him to meet him on the inspired ground of his humanity, but unique enough to draw him out of his aloneness and fill in the empty places of his masculine soul. From Adam's rib God created Eve (see 2:21-23). And He built into each a yearning for the missing part within that the other possessed. Adam knew his maleness in the gaze of Eve's distinct femaleness, and vice versa.... That dynamic sense of dissimilarity and similarity drew them into an adventure of self-discovery.... Becoming 'one flesh' is a powerful symbol of this coming together.... United they complement one another, as well as create new life.... Thus the Genesis creation account reveals several key themes. First, God graces us with His image. We don't attain to the image; it's a gift of God. Second, the molding of the male and female reveals God's image. The complementarity of the two sexes reflects a fullness of being that same-sex union cannot reflect. Within that comple- mentarity, sexual yearning can be blessed." [Andrew Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness, p. 39-41]
"The prima facie sense of Genesis 2:24 is that one man is to be joined to one woman and that the two become one flesh..." [John Murray, Principles of Conduct, p. 29] "The sexual act is a sanctuary sacred to the man and his wife alone. For any person to invade that sanctuary but man and wife is a desecration that violates one of the elementary canons regulative of human life and behavior. It is for man with wife and wife with man exclusively, and this applies to homosexual as well as heterosexual aberration." [ibid., p. 80]
Dr. Stanton L. Jones, professor of psychology at Wheaton College, notes, "Each major person- ality theory in psychology today places sexuality in a different place in a person's life; some place it at a person's core while others place it on a person's periphery. None of the major theories asserts that the expression of genital erotic urges is essential to human well-being. Even Freudian theory, the most 'sexualized' of the theories, does not posit genital gratification to be essential to wholeness." [The Crisis of Homosexuality, p. 112] "There is no scientific evidence that people who do not experience regular genital sexual gratification, intercourse, are less well-adjusted than others. Such a position is clearly hostile to the whole of biblical revelation, where sexuality is viewed as a blessing given to every human being, and expression of that sexuality in the overt form of intercourse is reserved only for those who are married." [ibid., p. 170]
Personal Response
2. Did Jesus think that what God originally ordained should be weakened or abandoned in any way?
Matthew 19:4,5
"The biblical case against practicing homosexuality....rests primarily on the constant, pervasive biblical teaching that sex is a gift intended for the committed relationship of a man and a woman in life-long covenant. Never is there a hint anywhere in Scripture that God intended sex in any other relationship." [Ronald Sider, Completely Pro-Life, p. 114]
"A man may have sexual relations with a woman who is married to him; with a woman who is married to someone else; with a woman who is unmarried; or with another man. The Bible con- demns the last three--adultery, fornication, and homosexual practices--in no uncertain terms, and is equally definite in approving the first..." [Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love, p. 35]
Personal Response
3. Does the Bible teach that homosexuality is contrary to God's will?
In Genesis 1 and 2 we "discover God's initial creative intent--man as male and female. The fall distorts God's intent for human sexuality...and the law arises in response to this deviation... Finally, in the New Testament, the law appears as an agent of reconciliation...directing sinful man to Christ." [Andrew Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: Guide, p. 159-160]
Leviticus 18:22-24
These words made many of us angry because we thought God was being arbitrary like a parent who says, "You can't wear blue just because I don't like it." God is not arbitrary. God is love (I John 4:16). When He tells us not to walk in a certain way, it is because He knows that road will be deadly for some of us physically, destructive for all of us emotionally and spiritually.
Unfortunately, our instinctual sexual drive, which has been joined to deep emotional needs for love not met in our relationship with our same-sex parent when we were young, makes us like people lost in a snow storm. We have tried to fight our way out but are now so weary that the snow looks warm and inviting. If only we can lie down and go to sleep, all will be well. To do so feels good, but to do so is to die! And so our Father lovingly urges us not to give in, but to fight on, promising freedom to those who will trust Him.
Romans 1:26,27
Some of us were deeply troubled by these words. We thought God had somehow selected us for special condemnation. We failed to read these words in their context.
What the passage is saying is that all men are sinners who have turned away from the true God to things they chose to worship. God then let them do what they wanted to do. Some were given over to heterosexual sin (Romans 1:24,25); others (made vulnerable by unmet same-sex, parent-child needs from childhood) to homosexual sin (Romans 1:26,27); others to other sins (Romans 1:28-31). "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We are all worthy of death (Romans 1:32)! All of us are in the same boat! We only sit on different planks!
Further, God tells us we are sinners to show us our need of the forgiveness (Romans 3:21-5:21) and freedom (Romans 6:1-8:39) for which Christ died. Romans 1:26,27 was not written to harm us, but to bring us to Christ. It is motivated by a love which sacrificed everything for us and is written that we might enjoy the blessings of that sacrifice.
The words that so frightened us, "God gave them up," only mean that "...God allowed them to go their own way in order that they might at last learn from their consequent wretchedness to hate the futility of a life turned away from the truth of God. ...Paul's meaning is neither that these men fell out of the hands of God...nor that God washed His hands of them; but rather that this delivering them up was a deliberate act of judgment and mercy on the part of the God who smites in order to heal (Isa 19.22), and that throughout the time of their God-forsakenness God is still concerned with them and dealing with them." [C. E. B. Cranfield, "A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans," International Critical Commentary I, p. 110]
"Sometimes God seeks us by letting us go. Letting us go our own way and allowing us to suffer the inevitable consequences of that way in the hope that our suffering will bring us back to Him." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 195]
I Corinthians 6:9-11
These words, which at first seemed so threatening, became some of the sweetest words in the Bible as we understood them better. True, they mention active and passive homosexuality among the sins which, if not repented of, bar people from the Kingdom of God. They do not list them first, as if they are the worst of sins; nor do they mention them last as if they are unspeakable. They are listed in the middle of this catalogue along with sins like greed and slander--no better, but no worse than the other misdeeds. And those words, "and such were some of you" told us that some early believers had struggled with homosexuality and had found forgiveness and freedom! Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Therefore the One who delivered them can also forgive and free us! We have solid hope drawn from God's own Word!
Personal Response
4. What is one reason God gave commandments in the Bible?
Deuteronomy 6:24
"God commandeth us a course of duty or right action...that we may be happy in his love.... His very law is a gift and a great benefit.... Holiness is happiness, in a great part." [Richard Baxter in Ernest Kevan, The Grace of Law, p. 62]
Deuteronomy 10:12,13
"The 'do's and don'ts' are there only to guide us toward a better, happier life. Just as an owner's manual advises you not to put water in your gas tank,...the Bible instructs us to do certain things and refrain from...others because God knows the ULTIMATE OUTCOME of all our actions.... And just as you might be able to operate your car for quite a while without an oil change and not discern any appreciable difference..., further down the road the internal damage caused by your neglect will reveal itself.... Look where you are now. Look at your gay friends. Are they anywhere close to where you want to be? Just as the car whose buyer neglects to heed the owner's manual will eventually fall apart, so will the person who neglects the wisdom in the Word of God." [J. A. Konrad, You Don't Have To Be Gay, p. 170-171]
Psalm 119:1
"All men would be happy, but few take the right way; God has here laid before us the right way, which we may be sure will end in happiness, though it be strait and narrow. Blessednesses are to the righteous..." [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible III, p. 685]
Proverbs 8:36
"To say a man might disobey and be none the worse would be to say that no might be yes and light sometimes darkness." [George MacDonald: 365 Readings, p. 94]
"...Temporary relief...can lead to permanent misery." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 56]
Jeremiah 32:39
'"Well Jack,' said one who met a man who had" recently become a Christian, "'I hear you have given up all your pleasures.' 'No, no' said Jack, 'the fact lies the other way. I have just found all my pleasures, and I have only given up my follies.'" [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXVII, (1891), p. 64]
Matthew 6:33
"Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness." [George Orwell in The Portable Curmudgeon, p. 133]
"...'Seek' carries the meaning of seeking earnestly, seeking intensely, living for it. And He ...enforces it by adding... 'first'.... That means...principally, above everything else; give that priority.... Many Christian people miss so many blessings...because they do not seek God diligently." [D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, The Sermon on the Mount II, p. 143]
"Because of our addictions, we simply cannot--on our own--keep the great commandments. Most of us have tried, again and again, and failed. Some of us have even recognized that these commandments are really our own deepest desires. We have tried to dedicate our lives to them, but still we fail. I think our failure is necessary, for it is in failure and helplessness that we can most honestly and completely turn to grace. Grace is our only hope for dealing with addiction, the only power that can truly vanquish its destructiveness." [Gerald May, Addiction and Grace, p. 16]
Personal Response
5. Where do homosexual temptations come from?
James 1:13-15
We must not blame God for our homosexual temptations, shaking our fists in His face and screaming, "Why have you made me this way?". God has not made us this way! We must admit that the problem is our own. It comes from within us as a result of a failed relationship with our same-sex parent and our defensive detachment from him or her. Once we acknowledge this truth, we can bring the resources of grace to bear on our struggle and begin our journey to freedom. Until then, we are doomed to remain stuck in our homosexuality.
Personal Response
6. Can I overcome homosexuality myself?
Jeremiah 13:23
"...Can the Ethopian change his skin, which is by nature black, or the leopard his spots, which are even woven into the skin?... Sin is the blackness of the soul, the deformity of it; it is its spot, the discoloring of it; it is natural to us, we were shapen in it, so that we cannot get clear of it by any power of our own. But there is an almighty grace..." [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 496]
"...The new sexual addiction groups...all begin with the first step of AA...--that I must...realize this is something that's taken over my life and I'm powerless. That has a direct parallel in our evangelical theology: 'Nothing in my hand I bring...helpless come to thee for grace.' Evangeli- calism is a theology of powerlessness.... We haven't always been...consistent in applying it, but those of us who sat through all those altar calls are no strangers to the admonition that if we think we can do something about our basic brokenness...we're on the wrong track. Spurgeon once said that if he told people to crawl back and forth from here to Rome on their hands and knees they would want to do it; but the hardest advice to take is that there is nothing you can do. That is what the...addiction models are picking up on.... It is a move toward the gospel rather than away from it." [Richard Mouw, "The Life of Bondage in the Light of Grace: An Interview," Christianity Today, (December 9, 1988), p. 44]
Romans 5:6
"After many years of pastoral ministry in which it has been my privilege to counsel people of varying races and cultures, I have come to a strong conclusion that the last thing we humans surrender to God is an admission of our helplessness to save ourselves." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 112]
Personal Response
7. Does being a Christian enable me to overcome homosexuality by myself?
Romans 7:19
"'Lord,' said Augustine, 'deliver me from my worst enemy, that wicked man--myself.'" [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit X, 1864, p. 409]
"Experts speculate that as much as ten percent of the total Christian population is sexually addicted." [Mark R. Laaser, The Secret Sin, p. 15] "A Leadership magazine survey revealed that twenty-three percent of the three hundred pastors who responded had done something sexually inappropriate with someone other than their spouse." [ibid., p. 63] "Our research indicates that probably no church of over 200 members is without its homosexual constituency." [Paul Morris, Shadow of Sodom, p. 26]
"Sin keeps house with us whether we will or not; the best saint alive is troubled with inmates; though he forsakes his sins, yet his sins will not forsake him." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 27]
"The three things which we must insist on if we would share Paul's view are: first, that to grace always belongs the initiative--it is grace that works the change: secondly, that to grace always belongs the victory--grace is infinite power: and thirdly, that the working of grace is by process, and therefore reveals itself at any given point of observation as conflict.... The sanctifying action of the Spirit terminates on us, not merely on our activities; under it not only our actions but we are made holy. Only, this takes time; and therefore at no point short of its completion are either our acts or we 'perfect.'" [B. B. Warfield, Perfectionism II, p. 584]
Galatians 5:17
"Anselm, seeing a little boy playing with a bird, he let her fly up, and presently pulls the bird down again by a string: so, saith he, it is with me...; when I would fly up to heaven upon the wings of meditation, I find a string tied to my leg; I am overcome with corruption..." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 28]
"Flesh and Spirit...are opposites. They pull in opposite directions, 'that you may not do the things you wish' (5:17). Luther recalling Romans 7--'The good I would, I do not; the evil that I would not, that I practice'--took this to mean, 'that you may not do the good things you wish to do.' You will never shake off the flesh; you will never be able to move smoothly ahead, achieving all the good things you mean to do. This is true, but it is not the whole truth. 'The things you wish to do', you being the man that you are, may well be bad things; and the Spirit is at work to prevent you from doing them. The result is...a mixture of good and evil..." [C. K. Barrett, Freedom & Spirit, p. 76]
"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven", and given grace to grow up into Christ bit-by-bit, day-by-day, in all things (Ephesians 4:15).
Personal Response
8. What about my own intelligence and determination?
Admitting powerlessness was a terrifying step for many of us--one we resisted strenuously. To admit powerlessness meant that we had to acknowledge that all our efforts at control were ineffective, but to abandon them seemed to invite chaos into our lives. What would be left to us if we let go of all our elaborate systems of control? Who would control us if we could not control ourselves? To admit powerlessness made us feel like fools and failures, and some of us had spent years trying to become strong to compensate for deep feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. To admit powerlessness meant that we had to trust others to help us, and many of us found tremendous difficulty trusting anyone because of unresolved childhood hurts. To admit that we were powerlessness was to admit our need of God, and many of us did not really want Him in our lives. So we continued our futile struggling.
Proverbs 3:5,6
"We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God's tasks. This is a law of grace. When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in our own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment. But alas, this is a secret we often fail to discover." [John Owen, Sin and Temptation, p. 99]
Jeremiah 10:23
"Charlotte Eliza Kasl says, 'Addiction is, essentially, a spiritual breakdown, a journey away from the truth into emotional blindness and death.'... As the thinking and the behavior of the addict moves further and further away from reality, thinking processes become impaired.... Sexual addicts become progressively dishonest, self-centered, isolated, fearful, confused, devoid of feelings, dualistic, controlling, perfectionistic, blinded to their disease (denial), insane, blaming (projection), and dysfunctional. In short, their lives become progressively unmanage- able." [Anne Wilson Schaff, Escape From Intimacy, p. 10-11]
"We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves." [Eric Hoffer in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 311]
John 15:5
I am "a branch intimately and vitally joined to the vine--not just tacked on to the vine, but actually a part of it. ...Just as the life of that vine flows naturally into the branch, so the life of Jesus Christ flows naturally into me.... But the analogies of the branch on the vine and the members of the body should not be pressed so far as to give the impression that we are passive in our union with Christ. Jesus told us...to remain, or to abide, in Him.... We must renounce all confidence in our own wisdom, power, and merit, instead looking entirely to Christ for what we need to live the Christian life. But what makes the looking to Him effective and fruitful is the fundamental fact that we are in Him.... That is what God has done in calling us into fellow- ship with His Son Jesus Christ. He has brought us into a vital relationship with Christ that is as intimate as the relationship of the branch to the vine and the body to the head. He has made us to share in the very life of Christ Himself." [Jerry Bridges, The Crisis of Caring, p. 32-33]
Personal Response
9. Can I depend solely on the wisdom of men to gain freedom from homosexuality?
Psalm 1:1-3
Some of us were thoroughly confused because we had chosen to listen to people in the lifestyle, instead of to God. For a while, all seemed well. Then the pain, which inevitably comes from walking in ways contrary to God's will, overwhelmed us. At first, shame kept us from reaching out to God. Fortunately, the hurt got so bad that we finally said, "I will arise and go to my Father."
Psalm 118:8
"Behavioral psychologist Joseph Wolpe was faced with a religious client who felt guilty about his homosexuality. Wolpe had to decide which behavior to extinguish--the homosexuality or the religious guilt. Rather than try to change the homosexuality, he chose to ameliorate the guilt... Psychology claims to work from a 'value-free' philosophy. However, decisions such as this-- to eliminate religious guilt--are in fact being made from another value hierarchy of the therapist's choosing.... Two interesting notes on this case: first, Wolpe said he made his decision based upon the belief that homosexuality was biologically determined. Second, the client later discovered heterosexual attraction on his own after undergoing assertion training, and married. Wolpe considered him to be cured of homosexuality." [Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, p. 15-16]
Proverbs 12:15
While there are people the Bible warns us not to listen to, there are others the Bible encourages us to heed. Many of us were too proud or too frightened to seek outside help, and so continued to suffer until, in desperation, we overcame our fears, swallowed our pride, and reached out to those who could offer godly help.
Proverbs 15:22
"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." [Edgar Allen Poe in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 71]
Jeremiah 17:5-8
Some of us, passive by nature, were ready to swallow anything we were told without responsible evaluation. All men are finite, and even the wisest and best can err; and, as sinners, men distort or even deny the truth. The Bible is God's touchstone by which we must test the teachings of men.
And even when men teach the truth, they cannot give us the strength to practice it. The Spirit of God must give us power if we are to live the truth we know. We should learn from others, but we must depend on God!
Acts 17:11
"In our present fallen condition it is impossible to...(think out) a standard of duty which shall be warped by none of our prejudices, distorted by none of our passions, and corrupted by none of our habits.... It is only of the law of the Lord as contained in the Scriptures that we can justly say, It is perfect.: [James Henley Thornwell, Collected Writings II, p. 457]
I John 4:1
"Everything in the railway service depends upon the accuracy of the signals. When these are wrong, life will be sacrificed. On the road to heaven we need unerring signals, or the catas- trophes will be far more terrible." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXVI, (1890), p. 167]
Personal Response
10. Where can I turn for real help with homosexuality?
Isaiah 55:6
"Seek...him...as your oracle. Ask the law at his mouth. What wilt thou have me to do? Seek...him...as your portion and happiness; seek to be reconciled to him and acquainted with him, and to be happy in his favor. Be sorry that you have lost him; be solicitous to find him; take the appointed method of finding him, making use of Christ as your way, the Spirit as your guide, and the word as your rule.... It is implied that now God is near and will be found, so that it shall not be in vain to seek him... Now his patience is waiting on us, his word is calling to us, and his Spirit is striving with us.... But...there is a day coming when he will be afar off, and will not be found, when the day of his patience is over, and his Spirit will strive no more. There may come such a time in this life, when the heart is incurably hardened; it is certain that at death and judgment the door will be shut, Luke xvi.26; xiii.25,26." [Matthew Henry, Com- mentary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 319]
John 8:34
"The sinner thinks sin is his tool, but he himself is the tool of sin. Sin obtains the mastery of his affections and will, and when the galling chains are felt, and efforts made to break through them, the awful tyranny is realized." [George Reith, The Gospel According to St. John II, p. 17]
"Servitude degrades people to such a point that they come to like it." [Luc de Clapiers in A Treasury of Business Quotations, # 507]
"Men rattle their chains to show that they are free." [Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 109]
John 8:36
"To deliver men from this bondage is the grand object of the Gospel. To awaken people to a sense of their degradation, to show them their chains, to make them arise and struggle to be free,--this is the great end for which Christ sent forth His ministers." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels I, p. 540]
"The Son of God makes free all who believe on Him, by delivering the conscience from the sense of guilt, and the will from the power of sin.... Jesus has gained for us the son's footing in the Father's house by His merits. He has also put the son's heart into us by His Spirit. Con- fidence toward God, joy of access, assurance, and deliverance from the love and power of sin, all follow this twofold work of Christ for us and in us." [George Reith, The Gospel According to St. John II, p. 17-18]
"The Son makes you free (v. 36), so trust Him and follow Him. His truth makes you free (v. 32), so study it, believe it, and obey it. Satan imposes slavery that seems like freedom (2 Pet. 2:19); Jesus gives you a yoke that sets you free (Matt. 11:28-30)." [Warren W. Wiersbe, With the Word, p. 694]
Romans 8:2
It has been asked how the same man can, at the same time, be both "sold under sin" (Romans 7:14b) and "free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2)? "Both...are indeed true of the Christian life, and neither is to be watered down or explained away. While the Christian never in this life escapes entirely from the hold of...sin, so that even the best things he does are always marred by its corruption, and any impression of having attained a perfect freedom is but an illusion...., the believer is no longer an unresisting, or only ineffectually resisting, slave, nor is he one who fondly imagines that his bondage is emancipation. In him a constraint...stronger than that of sin is...at work, which both gives him an inner freedom...and enables him to revolt against the usurper sin with a real measure of effectiveness. He has received the gift of the freedom to fight back manfully." [C. E. B. Cranfield, "A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans," The International Critical Commentary I, p. 377-378]
II Corinthians 3:5
"Addiction can be, and often is, the thing that brings us to our knees.... Addiction teaches us not to be too proud, Sooner or later, addiction will prove to us that we are not gods." [Gerald May, Addiction and Grace, p. 20]
"The spiritual life which I have is not my own. I did not induce it, and I cannot maintain it. It is only and solely the work of Christ. It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me. My whole life is His alone." [John Owen, Sin and Temptation, p. 83]
II Corinthians 12:7-10
Recovery "is an experience of being changed by a loving supportive God who knows what we need and helps us through our pain to see and give up our...selfish agendas and surrender to his.... At times we are excited and delighted witnesses to our...transformation. At other times we are immersed in pain and discouragement at the slow pace of change, but with less and less fear of such pain and more and more confidence that we will emerge on the other side of it in a better place, closer to God. ...The steps are most effective when taken in the context of...:
1. Attending...step meetings
2. Reading certain material
3. Praying and meditating
4. Accepting guidance from a sponsor (step coach) through the process of 'working the steps'
5. Giving away what one is finding."
[J. Keith Miller, A Hunger for Healing, p. 8]
Personal Response
11. Will I need the help of others as well?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"A partial solution to the sorrows of the lonely is found in the blessings of companionship. The central point made in v.9 is expanded in vv.10-12a with three illustrations; v.12b extends the principle further. Possibly all three illustrations are taken from the risks of travel; pits and ravines along the way (10), cold nights (11) and wayside marauders (12a). They highlight the blessings of companionship in error or mishap (10), adversity (11) or hostility (12a).... The move from two to three may...be a hint that there is nothing sacrosanct about the pair and that companionship may operate within larger numbers.... In some realms progress may be measured by increasing independence; in this realm spiritual stature is measured by growing interdependence." [Michael Eaton, "Ecclesiastes: An Introduction and Commentary," Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries, p. 94-95]
"God has made no provision in the Bible for isolation. Scripture expressions all show a contrary state of things:-- We are
'branches' in the vine,
'members' in the body,
'stones' in the temple,
'brothers and sisters' in the family..."
[D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 141]
I Thessalonians 5:11
"Recovery from addiction is the reversal of the alienation that is integral to the addiction. Addicts must establish roots in a caring community. With that support, addicts can stay straight as they struggle with a perspective for their lives." [Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows, p. 19]
Dr. Earl Henslin warns, "We are not made to do recovery alone. Yet it's especially tempting for those of us who are Christians to do everything we can to keep our problems to ourselves. Often Christians say, 'Jesus is my support group. I share my problems with Him.' Sharing our problems with Jesus is a good first step.... But it is also important that we feel the reality of Christ's care through relationship with other people who struggle with similar issues. Just as Jesus moved toward His heavenly Father and His friends when He was in Gethsemane, so also we need to move toward God and others." [The Way Out of the Wilderness, p. 137-137] He states, "...The primary way healing and change occur is through a support group..." [ibid., p. 127] "...I don't mean attending an occasional meeting. I mean...attending on a regular, weekly basis. This is a scary step. Many times a person will attend one support-group meeting, find something wrong with it, and write off all support groups.... The individual finds it easier to see flaws in the support group than to work through the pain and flaws in his or her life." [ibid., p. 146]
Drs. Ralph Earle and Gregory Crow write, "One of our patients came up to us after a group meeting recently and complained, 'I must not be getting much out of these groups. I'm always in turmoil when I leave.' ...This patient wanted recovery to be a comfortable experience. But we told him, and now tell you, 'That's the point of recovery programs.... Most (sexual addicts) need a thorn in the side, the voices of self-help groups or therapists, to keep them moving toward recovery and to prevent them from returning to their old ways of thinking and behav- ing.'" [Lonely All the Time, p. 212]
II Timothy 2:22
Jeffrey Keefe, who received his doctorate in clinical psychology from Fordham University, said: "In my judgment, Homosexuals Anonymous...provides the most effective program, because it combines needed group support which in turn fosters self-acceptance and self-insight, with the spiritual dimension essential for any radical change. Individual therapy may be needed to supplement group therapy." [in John Harvey, The Homosexual Person, p. 76]
David Neff, senior associate editor of Christianity Today, writes, "For those who wish to conquer their addiction and turn away from a homosexual orientation, there is Homosexuals Anonymous." [The Crisis of Homosexuality, p. 98]
Personal Response
12. What might keep me from getting the help I need?
Jeremiah 17:9
Dr. Arnold Washton and Donna Boundy write, "...The four cardinal signs of addiction" are: (I) obsession; (II) negative consequences; (III) a lack of control; and (IV) denial "(1) that the ...activity is a problem they can't control and (2) that the negative consequences have any connection whatsoever to the...activity." [Willpower's Not Enough, p. 21-27]
"Clancy I., a well-known AA speaker from southern California, runs a mission for skid-row alcoholics in Los Angeles. He tells stories of holding many of them in his arms as they die from their alcoholism. And as they die, they protest, 'It wasn't the booze...'" [William Crisman, The Opposite of Everything Is True, p. 20]
Crisman describes his own experience. "...The use of booze and drugs was killing me... And even though I could rationally see that fact, I could not believe it because my gut told me that my survival depended on continuing to use the stuff. And the more dependent I became, the more I believed my gut." [ibid., p. 22]
John 9:40,41
"The healing of the blind man (in John 9) is presented as a parable of spiritual illumination. Thanks to the coming of the true light into the world, many who were formerly in darkness have been enlightened... But...some who thought they had no need of the enlightenment he brought ...turned their backs on him and, without realizing it, moved into deeper darkness.... Had they acknowledged their spiritual blindness and allowed him to remove it, they would have been blessed. Had they lived in darkness and found no way out into the light, their plight would have been sad but no blame would have attached to them. Blame did attach to those who, while liv-ing in darkness, claimed to be able to see... To be so self-deceived as to shut one's eyes to the light is a desperate state to be in: the light is there, but if people...reject it, how can they be enlightened? As Jesus said, their sin remains." [F. F. Bruce, The Gospel of John, p. 220-221]
Hebrews 3:13
"Many people have difficulty admitting...that any part of their lives has become unmanageable. We tend to think--perhaps because we like to think--that we are in control of everything." [Abraham Twerski, Waking Up Just In Time, p. 13] "The refusal to recognize that things have gotten out of control is called denial. Denial is not the same as lying, because in denial the person actually believes in his own distortion of reality." [ibid., p. 18] "Here is a good rule of thumb: If something causes a problem, it is a problem. Making believe that it is not will only allow the problem to continue." [ibid, p. 19-20]
Reviewing Nicholas von Hoffman's biography of the late Roy Cohn, Newsweek noted, "Cohn's homosexuality entered the public domain only after he died of AIDS in 1986. Cohn denied it to Mike Wallace on '60 Minutes' a few months before he died. von Hoffman....portrays Cohn travelling in a limo, accompanied by his current boy-friend, to deliver an address against gay rights before a 'Save the family' organization. This wasn't simple hypocrisy, von Hoffman suggests. He believes Cohn adhered to an earlier definition of (homosexuals)...as men who behaved effeminately. He didn't. Therefore he wasn't. In a stammering interview with Ken Auletta in the 70's, Cohn said, 'Every facet of my personality, of my, ah, aggressiveness, of my toughness, of everything along those lines, is just totally, I suppose, incompatible with anything like that...' Yet Cohn was extravagantly promiscuous, hiring male hookers almost nightly at $100 a shot." [Newsweek, (April 4, 1988), p. 69]
"When reality tries to tell you something, listen!" [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 14]
I John 1:8
"Did you ever watch babies put their hands over their eyes to hide from you? Infants think that when they cannot see you, you cannot see them... Like other forms of infantile thinking, this sometimes persists into adult life. There are people who believe that when they are oblivious to something, it simply does not exist." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 18]
Revelation 3:17
Consider the great Judy Garland (1922-1969). A fantastic singer, superb actress, star of stage, screen, and television, she could totally captivate an audience. She had everything people think will make them happy: talent, success, applause, money; she tried everything the world sug- gested to find happiness: parties, booze, drugs, sex (she had five husbands). And yet she was a tragic figure.
"Judy was still in her teens when she began being plagued by a weight problem. In an effort to contain her tendency to gain pounds, the studio put her on a strict diet and a doctor recom- mended pills. At the time, the strain of work began taking its toll on her nervous system, and before long she was living on pills; pills to put her to sleep, pills to keep her awake, and pills to suppress her appetite. By the time she was 21 she was seeing a psychiatrist regularly.... The news Judy made in the late 50s involved lawsuits, counterlawsuits, nervous breakdowns, suicide attempts..." [Ephriam Katz, The Film Encyclopedia, p. 467-468]
Her last husband, Mickey Deans, said she was "frightened, guilt ridden" "afraid of the dark, afraid of sleep, afraid of death" [Look, (October 7, 1969), p. 85]. Newsweek described her as "...the bruised and vulnerable woman of 47 who struggled to the other side of the rainbow and found nothing there" [Newsweek, (July 7, 1969), p. 19]
She was so unhappy she repeatedly attempted suicide. Her last husband said, "She must have tried it at least 20 times while we were married.... Someone had to be there every minute. We never dared to leave her alone" [Life, (July 11, 1969), p. 27]. But one night, when he fell asleep, she crept into the bathroom and took an overdose of sleeping pills.
And yet help was offered to her. British actress Joan Winmill Brown tells of a meeting at Debbie Reynolds' home. She writes, "I heard the door open and Judy Garland stood there. To see her face was quite a shock to me. Her eyes betrayed the years of agony she had gone through.... She hesitated and then began to walk toward the couch where I was sitting. I moved over, and she sat down next to me. Whispering introductions, we then turned our atten- tion to Billy Graham and listened as he told of God's inestimable love.
"Suddenly Billy turned to me and said, 'Joan, why don't you tell what has happened in your life?' All faces turned towards me. Judy looked at me and smiled that beautiful smile as if in encouragement.
"I began to tell of my innermost fears and longings, my breakdowns, and then my contemplated suicide. I told how the Lord had come in and given me hope where there had been nothing but despair, and how I was assured of His love in my life. After I finished speaking there was complete silence.
"Then I felt a hand on my arm. It was Judy's. 'That was beautiful, darling. But you see--you had a need. I don't have any need." [Joan Winmill Brown, No Longer Alone, p. 124]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 1
I was always afraid to admit powerlessness over my homosexuality because I thought that to do so would mean the struggle was hopeless. If I could not bring my homosexuality under control, I felt I was doomed to its being forever out of control.
"But what about God?" you might ask. "Couldn't you go to Him for grace to help in time of need?" I tried. I accepted Christ, prayed, read my Bible, fasted, sought the fullness of the Spirit, went into Christian work, went to seminary, married--tried, yet there was no deliverance from lust and masturbation and, under heavy stress, I began acting out. And once I started there seemed to be no stopping.
Once, when one of the fellows I was involved with threatened to expose me, I determined to summon all my strength, seek God with all my heart, and stop. To continue in homosexuality was to risk my reputation, my job, my family, my very sanity! Yet despite my resolves and my prayers, I was back with the very same person in less than two weeks! On another occasion I saw a picture of another person with whom I had been involved a year after he had gone out of my life and burst into uncontrollable weeping from the pain of longing--longing for love, but a longing that was all mixed up with illicit sex.
And so I felt that God would not help me. I was sure that He was disgusted with me and, if I could not help myself, there was no help.
I was wrong, of course. The problem was not with God. My sin did not dim His love. My guilt was not too great for Christ's blood and righteousness. I was right to turn to Him, but wrong in my expectations of Him.
I expected God to deliver me all at once. He was waiting to heal me over time. This was not to torment me, but to teach me, to enable me to learn lessons about God, myself, and others which are enriching me immeasurably.
I expected God to deliver me without anyone else--just the two of us. He wanted to deliver me through His people. My problem is relational. It's a result of pulling away from my father and, later on, others. Its solution is relational. I must learn to reach out to others.
I was demanding a miracle. God wanted to use means--means that would fill the hunger for love left from my childhood failure to relate to my father.
To admit powerlessness is not, of course, a once-and-for-all act. It is a daily decision to reach out to God and to others when lonely, frightened, stressed, hurting, in need. When I follow God's will and reach out, I stand. When I forget, and draw back, doing things in my old way, I fall.
No one should expect this life to be easy. Everyone faces problems which sometimes over-whelm, but you need not face your struggles alone. God and His people are here for you. Begin reaching out. Why not today?
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 1
1) Order the brochure The Step Coach listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" in the "HA Book Ministry" list and, after you have read it, ask one of the senior members in your chapter to be your step coach. If you have no chapter, find a friend who will work this workbook with you and encourage you as you work the steps. Make yourself accountable to them for your progress.
2) In your journal, write out as many examples of powerlessness and emotional unmanage- ability as a result of your struggle with homosexuality as you can remember. Discuss your findings with your step coach.
3) List something you can do this week to reach out in a new way to God or to another human being. Share your decision with your step coach and ask him or her to monitor your progress.
4) Listen to the tape Power for Powerlessness and read the brochures Reach Out amd Power for the Powerless listed under "STEP 1" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the material in Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 2 while continuing to work in your workbook. Journal what you learn and share your findings with your step coach.
5) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
I can not do it alone;
The waves run fast and high,
And the fogs close chill around,
And the light goes out in the sky;
But I know that we two shall win
in the end--
Jesus and I.
I can not row it myself,
My boat on the raging sea;
But beside me sits Another,
Who pulls or steers with me;
And I know that we two shall come
into port--
His child and He.
Coward and wayward and weak,
I change with the changing sky,
Today so eager and brave,
Tomorrow not caring to try;
But He never gives in, so we two
shall win--
Jesus and I.
--The late Dan Crawford
Missionary to Africa STEP 2
We came to believe the love of God,
who forgave us and accepted us
in spite of all that we are and have done.
In Step 1 we faced our helplessness. We confessed that homosexuality was more than we could handle alone. In Step 2 we see our hope. Step 2 tells us of a loving and forgiving Father who will meet the unmet needs which cause our struggle.
Step 2 does not say "instantly believed" or even "enthusiastically believed". It says "came to believe" implying that faith did not come easily for many of us. Why is belief so difficult for some?
Our first and most influential ideas about God come from our early relationship with our parents. Unfortunately, many of us did not get on too well with our folks and so formed a mental image of God as Someone who does not really care, who is distant, demanding, always disapproving, harsh, angry, cold, indifferent, rejecting.
This is often compounded by unhappy experiences with people in church who we thought cor- rectly represented God. Some of us shared our struggle with a Christian who turned away from us. We concluded (wrongly) that if they despised us, God must also hold us in contempt.
Some of us were angry with God. We had asked Him repeatedly for help with our struggle, but nothing happened. Why was He so silent? Had He walked out on us? Did He care? Why did He leave us to struggle alone? Why had He not helped? These angry questions raised disturb- ing doubts in our minds and drove some of us not only to question God's love, but to deny His existence.
A number of us really hated ourselves because of what we had been doing and thinking. The guilt and shame we felt deluded us into thinking that God must hate us at least as much as we despised ourselves. So, for many of us, thoughts of God were most unwelcome, bringing only feelings of fear and condemnation.
If you find thoughts of God difficult, please remember, "The only requirement for HA member- ship is a desire to be free from homosexuality." We are not here to cram our beliefs down your throat, but to share with you what has helped us. The struggle with homosexuality will be more difficult in some ways than any you have met before. You will have to deal, not simply with outward actions or even inner thoughts, but with feelings that live at the very core of your existence. In this struggle, we have to find out who we are. We cannot trust our feelings or thinking because our past has distorted them. We cannot trust friends who share our distortions. Who can we trust? Who will gently show us who we are? We have found that only God can help here.
And God does help. We have learned this from our experience and, if you continue with us, you will see Him at work in some of our lives.
Gamaliel Bradford has been called "the wistful agnostic." A pioneer in psychological biography, he was mightily impressed by his research into the lives of men and women who had become real Christians. Perhaps you can accept his testimony. Speaking of the incontrovertible evidence of the transformation wrought by Christ in human lives, he wrote: "What this added power, which comes through Christ and the acceptance of salvation through Him, may be or may mean is another question. You may explain it psychologically however you please. There can be no question as to the fact. Men who have been hopelessly possessed by the devil of drink, have accepted Christ, and have flung drink behind them forever. Men who have found the sexual burden as impossible to throw off as it was intolerable to bear, have gone to Christ for help, have filled their lives with Christ, and then have looked back with wonder and pity at their former slavery." [Life and I, p. 213]
All this may be frightening to you. Just remember, you don't have to believe a thing we say to be welcomed and cared for. You are loved for your courage in entering this struggle. Bear with us. Keep open and honest. Dare to experiment. Try to have an open mind. Work those parts of the program you are ready for, leaving the others for later. If you cannot work on your relationship with God now, work on your relationship with others. God is wonderfully patient and He does understand. Do your best. Keep in touch. And easy does it! One day at a time!
1. Might I have distorted ideas of God?
Psalm 50:21
"Our concept of God propels us forward or it holds us back. Where did we get our idea of God? Our parent tapes and early religious instructions, our experiences, our imaginations, and even our programmed reactions to authority figures helped forge our concept of God.... We project impatience into God. We imagine God turning away from us. We think a thousand things that could never be. The fact is this: God is love, according to the Scriptures." [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 138]
Isaiah 40:28
"There are many of us who really expect God to be silent and distant. Occasionally we throw our prayers and gifts over the high wall that separates us from God. We hope that he hears, but we do not expect an answer." [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 134]
John 16:1-3
"One day I heard a new man in the program talking to an old-timer...., "No way I'm going to turn my life over to God! He'd ruin me--and I'd deserve it.' He went on to say that for him God was a giant policeman, and the man's life had been such that his experience with the police was not at all positive. The old-timer...said, 'You ought to fire that God..! You've got the wrong God for this program... The God who operates here is loving, forgiving, and gives you all the chances you need to get the program; he is honest and will always be there for you. I had a God like yours when I first came in here, but I had to fire him and get me a new God.' ...I realized....my unconscious...image of God...was a picture of my human father as I exper- ienced him... My father had not been there for me when I felt I really needed him as a little boy.... So I fired that God...and decided to believe in the God I saw living in the lives of recovering people..., a God who operated exactly like the God...in the Bible." [J. Keith Miller, A Hunger for Healing, p. 50-52]
I Corinthians 1:20,21
"Most of us have an instinctive fear of God that is based on our own weakness.... We either have to become comfortable with this human condition or go on pretending that it is not true. We have to go on hiding behind our pretending. Naturally, I am not suggesting that we simply cave in...to human weakness. I am suggesting that we must learn to be comfortable (with the fact that)....we have sinned and we will sin again.... It is important for me to know...Jesus... the Good Shepherd. I have to keep remembering that he is looking for us lost sheep and rejoic- ing when he finds us.... He takes me into his arms and sobs in relief, 'You're home. You know, that's all I've ever wanted. You're home.'" [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 141]
Personal Response
2. How can I correct my distorted ideas of God?
John 1:18
"We must...remember that none of the appearances of God to man, described in the Old Testa- ment, were the appearances of God the Father. He whom Abraham, and Jacob, and Moses, and Joshua, and Isaiah, and Daniel saw, were not the First Person in the Trinity, but the Second." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels I, p. 42]
"The eye of mortal man has never beheld God the Father. No man could bear the sight. Even to Moses it was said, 'Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see Me, and live.' (Exod. xxxiii. 20.) Yet all that mortal man is capable of knowing about God the Father is fully revealed to us by God the Son. He, who was in the bosom of the Father from all eternity, has been pleased to take our nature upon Him, and to exhibit to us in the form of man, all that our minds can comprehend of the Father's perfections." [ibid., p. 37]
John 14:8,9
"Let us...take comfort in the simple truth, that Christ is...God; equal with the Father in all things, and One with Him. He who loved us, and shed His blood for us on the cross, and bids us trust Him for pardon, is no mere man like ourselves. He is 'Over all, God blessed for ever' (Rom. ix. 5), and able to save to the uttermost the chief of sinners.... He that casts his soul on Christ has an Almighty Friend,--a Friend who is One with the Father, and very God." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels II, p. 290]
Hebrews 1:1-3
Christ, the Son, has perfectly revealed the Father to us because He is God Himself. Therefore He is able to do things which God alone can do: to sustain all things by his powerful word and purge away our sins.
"Our author is not thinking of that general revelation of Himself which God has given in creation, providence and conscience...but of that special revelation which He has given in two stages: first to the fathers through the prophets, and finally in His Son. These two stages of divine revelation correspond to the Old and New Testaments respectively.... The earlier stage of the revelation was given in a variety of ways....yet all the successive acts and varying modes of revelation in the ages before Christ came did not add up to the fullness of what God had to say. His word was not completely uttered until Christ came; but when Christ came, the word spoken in Him was indeed God's final word.... The story of divine revelation is a story of progression up to Christ, but there is no progression beyond Him.... God's previous spokesmen were His Servants, but for the proclamation of His last word to man He has chosen His Son." [F. F. Bruce, "The Epistle to the Hebrews," The New International Commentary on the New Testament, p. 2-3]
"...The 'Son' in His relation to 'God' is represented here by light beaming forth from light, and by exact impress--the perfect image produced by stamp or seal." [W. F. Moulton, "The Epistle to the Hebrews," Ellicotts Commentary on the Whole Bible VIII , p. 284]
God has perfectly revealed Himself to man in His Son. As we behold Christ in the Bible, the Holy Spirit gradually replaces our false ideas of God with truth. As the truth passes from our conscious into our unconscious, healing takes place in our relationship with God.
Personal Response
3. Can I approach God when I have doubts?
Mark 9:24
"We readily confess that our faith is weak and timid at times. We struggle with periods of doubt.... Do we forfeit God's blessing because we are weak in faith? ...Consider Abraham, the father of believers. His faith was not always unfailing and strong. He had his moments of doubt and despair. Yet...God blessed him.... When the father of the epileptic said to Jesus, 'I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!'..., Jesus heard his prayer... He healed the man's son... Note, however, that this man struggled with his weak faith and asked for help. He received it." [Simon J. Kistemaker, "James and I-III John," New Testament Commentary, p. 39-40]
Luke 17:5,6
"Their view of faith was certainly very wrong. They saw it as a kind of power with differing degrees of intensity. But the power of faith is not contained in faith itself but in God, whom we know by faith.... Therefore, Jesus answered that if they had faith as small as a mustard seed, they would be able to order a mulberry tree to be uprooted and it would be done.... God, in whom they put their trust, would work the impossible." [S. G. De Graff, Promise and Deliv- erance III, p. 412-413]
John 7:17
Dr. R. A. Torrey wrote, "I have found no passage in the Bible equal to John 7:17 in dealing with an honest skeptic." [R. A. Torrey, How To Work For Christ, p. 118] He would ask the doubter if he believed there is an absolute difference between right and wrong. If the man said he did, Torrey asked if he would take his stand on right and follow it wherever it carried him. If the man agreed, Torrey said, "You do not know whether there is a God... I know there is a God and that He answers prayer..." [ibid., p. 119] He suggested the man make a scientific experiment. He asked him to read the Gospel of John a few verses at a time praying, "O God, if there is a God, I promise to act upon whatever I find in this book to be true. Show me whether Jesus Christ is Your Son or not, and if You show me that He is, I promise to accept Him as my Savior and confess Him before the world." Torrey said, "If a man is not an honest skeptic, this course of treatment will reveal the fact, and you can tell him that the difficulty is not with his skepticism, but with his rebellious and wicked heart." [ibid., p. 120] He shared the story of "a thorough-going agnostic" who followed this course. "Some weeks after I met the man again; his doubts were all gone.... He had put himself in a way to find out the truth of God, and God made it known to him." [ibid., p. 121-122]
Our God is so good that He not only blesses those with weak faith, but reaches out to those with no faith, if they are willing.
"When we first will to follow--first attempt obedience--God becomes not just some vague force, but very personal. Our idea of Him changes. Then, as He points to the deeps of our person- alities...that we are not in touch with, our idea about ourselves changes. We find that we do not know ourselves very well. Herein is both the identity crisis and its cure. As we will to be in Him, He gathers together the scattered parts of ourselves we have been separated from." [Leanne Payne, The Broken Image, p. 138]
Romans 10:17
"I prayed for faith and thought that some day faith would come down and strike me like lightening. But faith did not seem to come. One day I read in the tenth chapter of Romans, 'Now faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.' I had closed my Bible and prayed for faith. I now opened my Bible and began to study, and faith has been growing ever since." [D. L. Moody, Thoughts From My Library, p. 258]
Personal Response
4. Does God love me?
Jeremiah 31:3
"I have become convinced that the simple affirmation 'God is love' really is the key to every- thing. If we can live this truth, and not just recite it or print it on wall hangings, we may find both the power to combat evil and a place of rest and refuge in the midst of the struggle." [Mark Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 4]
"Years of experience have taught me that regardless of how much correct doctrine Christians may know, until they have a picture and a felt sense that God is truly good and gracious, there can be no lasting spiritual victory in their lives." [David Seamands, Healing of Memories, p. 95-96]
John 3:16,17
"The love of God that is the source of the atonement is the love of God the Father specifi- cally.... The love of Christ is not in its biblical perspective unless we perceive that it is love constrained by and exercised in fulfillment of the Father's will...flowing from...(the Father's) invincible love. We must be captivated by the Father's love." [John Murray, Collected Writ- ings II, p. 144]
"Who delivered up Jesus to die? Not Judas, for money; not Pilate, for fear; not the Jews for envy;--but the Father, for love!" [Octavius Winslow, No Condemnation in Christ Jesus, p. 361]
Romans 5:8
"The love of a holy God to sinners is the most mysterious attribute of the divine nature. The manifestation of this attribute for the admiration and beatification of all intelligent creatures, is declared to be the special design of redemption." [Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology I, p. 427]
"...God's love, expressed through His people, and woven into our lives by His Spirit and His Word can, over a period of time, bring healing even to our deepest wounds..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 8]
Ephesians 2:4,5
"I am convinced that the basic cause of some of the most disturbing emotional/spiritual problems which trouble evangelical Christians is the failure to receive and live out God's unconditional grace, and the corresponding failure to offer that grace to others." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 14]
I John 4:9,10
The room in which you study is full of radio programs. Though stations all around beam them at you constantly, you cannot hear them unless you have your radio on. God too is beaming His love to you, but, for the message to get through, there must be a receiver as well as a sender. If you have wondered whether God loves you, consider these words of Christ.
Revelation 3:20
"God's hands are not fists...but hands that bear the scars of love..." [Mark Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 98]
Personal Response
5. Will God forgive me?
Psalm 130:3,4
"Christ didn't...love and die for...righteous people... If He had, we would all be in trouble! ...He came to...die for the unrighteous, the inconsiderate,...the selfish. As we grow in our understanding of His love...and continue to grasp that He has rescued us from the...condemna- tion we deserve..., we will gradually become more patient and kind to others when they fail." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 86]
Isaiah 43:25
Debbie Dortzbach, a missionary to Ethopia, was held in captivity by some of those she came to serve. During that time she wrote:
"Thank You God that though
I have only dirty water
To wash in==
You have reminded me
As I look at the earth below me
That my heart is washed pure==
White as this glistening marble rock
Beneath my feet.
I am clean in the
Righteousness of Jesus!"
[Karl and Debbie Dortzbach, Kidnapped, p. 71]
Isaiah 53:5,6
"I often use a simple illustration in making the meaning of the verse plain. I let my right hand represent the inquirer, my left hand represent Christ, and my Bible represent the inquirer's sin. I first lay the Bible on my right hand and say, 'Now where is your sin?' The inquirer replies of course, 'On me.' I then repeat the last half of the verse, 'the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all,' and transfer the Bible from my right hand to my left, and ask, 'Where is your sin now?' The inquirer replies, 'On Him, of course.' I then ask, 'Is it on you any longer?' and he says, 'No, on Christ.'" [R. A. Torrey, How To Work for Christ, p. 33-34]
"Through the Cross, our sin is judged, yet sinful men and women are forgiven...because God has judged that sin in Jesus Christ instead of in us.... That is why the Cross is the 'trysting place, where Heaven's love and Heaven's justice meet.'" [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 108]
Micah 7:18,19
"It is mercy to feed us, rich mercy to pardon us." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 71]
"Where God removes the guilt, he breaks the power of sin.... With pardoning love God gives subduing grace." [idem.]
Matthew 26:28
"It is a folly to think that an emperor's revenue will not pay a beggar's debt... We have many sins, but God hath many mercies..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 481]
Luke 23:33,34
"His own racking agony...did not make Him forget others. The first of His seven sayings on the cross was a prayer for the souls of His murderers.... Let us see in our Lord's intercession for those who crucified Him, one more proof of Christ's infinite love to sinners.... None are too wicked for Him to care for. None are too far gone in sin for His almighty heart to take interest about their souls. He wept over unbelieving Jerusalem. He heard the prayer of the dying thief. He stopped under the tree to call the publican Zacchaeus. He came down from heaven to turn the heart of the persecutor Saul.... Love like this is a love that passeth knowledge. The vilest of sinners have no cause to be afraid of applying to a Savior like this." [J. C. Ryle, "Luke," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels II, p. 463-464]
Hebrews 8:12
There are many ways to "express what we mean by forgiveness.... A small tribe in southern Mexico says that 'God loses our sins in his heart.' Because God has such a large heart, when he forgives us, our sins are simply lost in his great love." [Richard De Ridder, Today: The Family Altar, May 16, 1986)]
"I. The compassion of Christ inclines Him to save sinners.
II. The power of Christ enables Him to save sinners.
III. The promises of Christ bind Him to save sinners."
[D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 209]
Personal Response
6. Will God accept me?
John 1:12
"There may be days when I don't feel like God is my Father. But that doesn't change the truth one iota. On those occasions, I can either believe my inner impressions and feed the self-pity that attends my imaginary state of orphanhood; or I can refute my initial feelings with the truth, and bring my attitudes into alignment with the reality that my heavenly Father is actively involved in my life. His love promotes my highest good; His wisdom determines how to achieve it; and His power accomplishes what His love and wisdom have ordained." [Garry Friesen with J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God, p. 251-252]
John 6:37
"The final truth about life is that we are unconditionally, eternally accepted by God, not because of what we have done but simply because God is love." [David Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 88]
Romans 3:24-26
The words you have just copied have been called "possibly the most important single paragraph ever written..." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 173] If some of the terms are unfamiliar to you, these definitions will help.
JUSTIFIED: "The biblical meaning of 'justify'...is to pronounce, accept, and treat as just, i.e., as on the one hand, not penally liable, and, on the other, entitled to all the privileges due to those who have kept the law.... Paul proclaims the present justification of sinners by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, apart from all works and despite all demerit (Rom. 3:21ff.).... The law has not been altered, or suspended, or flouted for their justification, but fulfilled--by Jesus Christ acting in their name. By perfectly serving God, Christ perfectly kept the law (cf. Matt. 3:15). His obedience culminated in death (Phil. 2:8); he bore the penalty of the law in men's place (Gal. 3:13), to make propitiation for their sins (Rom. 3:25). On the ground of Christ's obedience, God does not impute sin, but imputes righteousness, to sinners who believe (Rom. 4:2-8; 5:19)." [J. I. Packer, "Justification," Evangelical Dictionary of Theology p. 593-596]
GRACE: "...God's spontaneous, unmerited favor in action, his freely bestowed lovingkindness in operation, bestowing salvation upon guilt-laden sinners who turn to him for refuge. We think of the Judge who not only remits the penalty but also cancels the guilt of the offender and even adopts him as his own son." [William Hendriksen, "Exposition of Paul's Epistle to the Romans," New Testament Commentary I, (p. 48]
REDEMPTION: "...has its origin in the release of prisoners of war on payment of a price (the 'ransom'). It was extended to include the freeing of slaves, again by the payment of a price. Among the Hebrews it could be used for release of a prisoner under sentence of death (Exod. 21:29-30), once more by the payment of a price." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 179]
PROPITIATION or "reconciling sacrifice" or "expiation" "means that Christ has satisfied the holy wrath of God through His payment for sin. There was only one reason for Him to do this: He loves us; infinitely, eternally, unconditionally, irrevocably..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 98] This means, if we trust in Christ, there is no more wrath for us!
I Peter 3:18
"...He hung upon the cross that we might sit upon the throne.... His crucifixion is our coronation." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 174]
I John 1:3,4
"Reconciliation to God comes through God's forgiveness of that by which we have been estranged from God; and of all experiences in the religion of sinful men, it is the most deeply felt and far reaching. ...Every one who knows what it is to be forgiven, knows also that forgiveness is the greatest regenerative force in the life of man." [James Denney, The Christian Doctrine of Reconciliation, p. 6]
To sense the power which comes from taking the truth of this step to yourself, consider this letter we received: "Dear Sirs: I just got done reading...Homosexuality: An Open Door? for the umpteenth time. I can't believe it. For so long as a Christian I thought God was so against me. Like I was doomed before I began. Now it's like God is right there in the mud with me, helping me, and saying, 'No matter what happens Me and you are going through this together and I'm not ever going to leave you.' I don't know what to say. Thank you for the book, really. Please add me to your mailing list and send me a list of materials you have. This is like so wild. I can't believe Jesus is really setting me free! Wow!"
Personal Response
7. Will God love, forgive, and accept me in spite of all I am and have done?
Isaiah 1:18
"The greatest sinners, if they truly repent, shall have their sins forgiven... Though our sins have been as scarlet and crimson, a deep dye, a double dye, first in the wool of original corruption and afterwards in the many threads of actual transgression--though we have been often dipped, by our many backslidings, into sin, and though we have lain long soaking in it,...yet pardoning mercy will thoroughly discharge the stain, and...we shall be clean." [Matthew Henry, Commen- tary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 9]
Isaiah 44:22
"God is the sum of all patience and the essence of kindly good will. We please Him most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections, and believing that He understands everything and loves us still." [A. W. Tozer, The Root of the Righteous, p. 15]
Luke 15:2
"The door of mercy does not stand on the jar, it is wide open." [C. H. Spurgeon, The New Park Street Pulpit V, (1859), p. 288]
"If Christ had declined to associate with sinners, He would have had a lonely time on earth." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 130]
Luke 19:10
"He was just a little boy, and he couldn't understand the punishment. The punishment was nec- essary that he might learn some important lessons and grow to be a man who would know right from wrong. But he couldn't comprehend all that. All he knew was that his father had sent him to his room without supper--and he was hungry. He thought his father cared for him less than the father's words seemed to suggest. After all, if his father really loved him, he would have allowed him to have his supper. Then the door opened, and his father came in and sat on the bed. 'Son,' he said, 'I know you don't understand now, but some day you will. Some day you will be glad that I loved you enough to train you properly. But I wanted you to know that I didn't eat supper tonight either, and I'm going to spend the night with you, and we will be hungry together.' The boy was still hungry, of course, but it somehow helped to fall asleep in the arms of his father--a father who had identified with his hunger. That is what God has done." [Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. 51]
Romans 5:10
"Being angry at God is never helpful.... It is far better to direct your anger at the real source of your hurt than to project it at God, which cuts you off from the very power you need to deal with your hurt. Fortunately, God understands when we vent our anger on him. He knows our minds play tricks on us.... So there is no penalty for feeling this anger or for even expressing it. But recovery requires that you pull your angry feelings back from God as soon as you possibly can and attach them to their real source." [Archibald Hart, Healing Adult Children of Divorce, p. 165-166]
"What ups and downs we experience because we build not on faith but on feeling, not on the finished work of Christ but on our own work and endeavor and experience.... Let us get down to the cross, to the broken heart of our God, down to the propitiation for our sins..." [Oswald Chambers, The Love of God, p. 18]
I Timothy 1:15
"Memorize this...: I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave His life for me, and...imparted great value to me. I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted, and complete in Christ." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 61]
I John 1:7
God, having made and blessed us, has a right to expect that we will love Him above all. But have we not often ignored and even defied Him? And yet He loves us still with an incredible love!
Because of our rebellion, we deserve to be cast off forever. Instead, God loves us so much that He gave His Son to live a sinless life in our place and die on the cross for our sins. In Christ, a holy God can fully accept us with all our weaknesses and failures.
Christ rose from the dead. If you have never asked Him into your life, He stands at the door of your heart seeking admittance. He says, "I love you and long that we may be close. I want to forgive your sins. I'm ready to stand with you in all the struggles of life and will help you become all that God intends you to be. Come, share heaven with me forever.
What will you do with Jesus? Why not ask Him into your life right now? You might pray like this: "Lord Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sin. I need your forgiveness. Come into my heart. I receive your pardon. I give you my life. Thank you for not condemning me. Thank you for loving, forgiving, and accepting me."
Personal Response
8. Since God loves me, need I worry or fear?
Psalm 23:4
Many of us used sexual activity to deaden emotional pain. When life's difficulties seemed too much for us, we turned to sex much like an addict turns to drugs. As we break this pattern, we may begin to have strong, uncomfortable, even frightening feelings as our emotional numbness wears off. We must resist the temptation to draw back and instead reach out to God and His people to help us through our difficult periods.
Psalm 50:15
"We can only conquer doubts by looking steadily to Him and by not looking at them." [D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones,Spiritual Depression, p. 158]
Psalm 55:22
"We are safer with Him in the dark than without Him in the sunshine." [Theodore L. Cuyler, God's Light on Dark Clouds, p. 50]
"He never promises us smooth paths, but He does promise safe ones." [ibid., p. 75]
Matthew 6:34
When we are feeling emotional pain or undergoing strong temptation, we may begin to wonder how we can go on for the rest of our lives without acting out. Discouragement and depression can lead to defeat. At such times we need to remind ourselves that Christ taught us to live "one day at a time." To get through life's troubles we must focus on the present--the moment at hand, the day in progress--leaving tomorrow's struggles for tomorrow.
Philippians 1:27
We would question the sanity of the greatest football player in history if he tried to play alone against the poorest of teams. Yet we often withdraw from others who are willing to help and isolate ourselves when we are having trouble.
God never intended for us to fight our battles alone. He teaches us to reach out to Him and to His people for help. We must not struggle alone, but strive "together for the faith of the gospel".
Philippians 4:6,7
"Faith is the cure of care." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 179]
Personal Response
9. Will God be with me when I am tried and tempted?
Psalm 27:14
Dr Earl Wilson writes, "I firmly believe that deliverance from sexual obsession cannot take place apart from God's help. I am not, however, suggesting that God is a pill which can be taken as a magical cure. Deliverance is closely coupled with obedience and a willingness to make hard choices....(which) may have to be made over and over again until the old behavior patterns are replaced by new sane habits. In this we all need God's enablement. He wants our cooperation." [Sexual Sanity, p. 82]
Isaiah 41:10
Great Britain's hopes for a medal in the men's 400-meter race in the 1992 Summer Olympics "were dashed when on the far turn of the semifinal race," Derek Redmond "pulled up lame, apparently with a torn muscle.... He stood there in agony, now out of competition but determined somehow to...finish the race. As he attempted to hobble toward the finish line, he seemed to reach the end of his strength with about one hundred meters...to go. At...that moment, a man from the stands ran up behind Derek, grabbed him around the waist, and began to...help him... It was his father, Jim Redmond. As Derek realized who was holding him up and helping to propel him forward, his startled expression became a look of relief, and he was overcome with emotion. He grabbed his father around the neck, hugging him and crying as they moved together toward the finish line. With the crowd roaring their support for the two men, Derek finished the race.... We have such a Father." [Chap Clark, The Performance Illusion, p. 79-80]
Matthew 26:41
Trusting God does not mean that we have no responsibility for our own well-being. If we are to recover, we must participate in our healing and in maintaining good emotional/spiritual health. "He who would eat the fruit must climb the tree." [Scottish proverb in Leadership, p. 105]
Jim West of the Betty Ford Center "says that every recovering alcoholic must always be aware of the possibility of a relapse into drinking, because our personality traits are like 'a snake who lies back in a dark corner of the mind and who, every now and then, maybe every three or four years, will open one eye to see if the alcoholic is still on guard.'... Eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety." [Betty Ford with Chris Chase, Betty: A Glad Awakening, p. 169-170]
Romans 13:14
If we want to stand, we must avoid situations which can lead to a fall. Alcoholics Anonymous has a wise saying: "If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places and slippery people." When we have no choice, we need to prepare in advance for the battle. Our greatest safeguard against temptation is prayer. It is also good to tell a friend of our danger and ask him or her to check with us periodically to see if we are having trouble. Remember, "If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail."
"There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself." [The Midnight Raymond Chand- ler, p. 490]
I Corinthians 10:13
"...Often people....say, 'I couldn't help myself.' What most people mean when they say that is 'I didn't help myself.'" [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 11]
"Some people stumble into sin; some fall; some play around on the edges until they fall in; and others jump." [Ed Hurst with Dave and Neta Jackson, Overcoming Homosexuality, p. 86]
We can only stand firm as long as we remember our helplessness (Step 1) and our Helper (Step 2). When we become self-satisfied and/or self-confident rather than watchful and God-confident, we are ripe for a fall.
Hebrews 4:15,16
"The Lord direct your heart into the love of God!--just as it is, hard, cold, fickle, sinful, sad and sorrowful. Christ's love touching your hard heart, will dissolve it; touching your cold heart, will warm it; touching your sinful heart, will purify it; touching your sorrowful heart, will soothe it; touching your wandering heart, will draw it back to Jesus. Only bring your heart to Christ's love. Believe in its existence, its reality, its fullness, and its freeness. Believe that He loves you..." [Octavius Winslow, The Sympathy of Christ, p. 165]
Personal Response
10. Will God forgive me if I fall?
Psalm 37:23,24
We all have differing struggles and recover on different schedules. Some of us are acting out. All have problems with thoughts. Some are out of control. Others gain and lose command of themselves several times as they work the Steps. Recovery begins for some with a certain Step while it may not come for others until all the Steps have been worked. Healing may be sudden or gradual. We are all unique.
We must be patient with ourselves and each other and trust God to heal us in the way best for each one. In all our struggle, we must not allow guilt, pain, confusion, or despair to overwhelm and isolate us from God or others. If we turn to God, He will forgive us. He will not abandon us, but will stand with us in all our battles till freedom is ours!
Proverbs 28:13
"We're told to hate the sin and love the sinner, but we're too apt to twist it around the other way. We hate the sinner in us and cling to the sin. Don't glorify your lapses. Just try to understand why they happened and steer yourself back on the right track." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 56]
"As you go through life, brother
Whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the doughnut
And not upon the hole."
[Mayflower Coffee Shop slogan in Leadership, p. 100]
Romans 8:33,34
"Moses was a murderer, but God forgave him and used him to deliver Israel from Egypt. David was an adulterer and a murderer, but God forgave him and made him a great king. Peter denied the Lord, but God forgave him, and Peter became a leader in the Church. God rejoices when His children learn to accept His forgiveness, pick themselves up, and walk after they have stumbled." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 88-89]
"I have written in the back of my Bible, 'You wouldn't be so shocked at your own sin if you didn't have such a high opinion of yourself.'" [Stephen Brown, No More Mr. Nice Guy!, p. 108]
I John 1:9
"The devil has two false glasses, which he sets before men's eyes; the one is a little glass, in which the sin appears so small that it can hardly be seen, which the devil sets before men's eyes when they are going to commit sin; the other is a great magnifying glass, wherein sin appears so big that it cannot be forgiven, which the devil sets before men's eyes when they have sinned." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 88]
"Many Christians who struggle with sexual temptation have experienced repeated failures that have deeply affected their relationship with God. It is hard to go back to God again and again when we are so painfully aware of our failures. Satan wants us to feel unworthy so we will not go back to God. He makes us forget that God is longsuffering and always willing to forgive." [Earl Wilson, Sexual Sanity, p. 108] "Many Christians...have trouble...because they hope that once forgiven they will not repeat the sin. I...know that often when I try the hardest I fail. As a believer I am responsible to...bring my sin to God, whether it is a repeated sin, or not.... If ...I spend all my time loathing my habit, I am doing nothing more than insuring...it will con- tinue. I need to focus on Christ, not sin." [ibid., p. 109] "...The worst thing we can do if we want to stop a habit is to focus on it.... Don't waste time thinking about how not to think about it.... Focus on Christ..." [ibid., p. 110] "When we fix our eyes on Jesus, we see victory.... When we fix our eyes on our recurring sin, we...see only defeat and will become ashamed to look at Jesus. We don't need...hopelessness. We need to get our attention back on the source of hope." [ibid., p. 111] "If your obsession is strong, you might need to confess your sin and receive forgiveness a hundred times a day. But it is not futile. It is a process." [ibid., p. 117]
Personal Response
11. How does one react when experiencing God's love?
Psalm 40:1-3
"Till you know the depth of the pit into which you have fallen, you will never properly praise the hand which raises you out of it." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 70]
"In prayer we act like men; in praise we act like angels." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 15]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 2
Step 2 was not easy for me. It was difficult to believe that God accepted me when my conscience condemned me. I felt that the Scriptures which spoke of judgment all applied to me, and that those which spoke of mercy were for others. My experiences in life had taught me that people only love you as long as you please them. Did God love me in spite of all? Seeing family and friends turn away made it difficult to believe that God's arms were open to receive me. Since I was so depressed that I no longer cared what happened to me, is it any wonder that I doubted God's love and care?
The Holy Spirit helped me see that the Scriptures which speak of judgment are directed at the stiff-necked sinner, not at the one who is struggling with sin; at the defiant, not at the defeated. He showed me that God's promises of mercy are to all who trust in Christ and challenged me to accept them in simple faith. The more I beheld Jesus in the Word, the more my fears sub- sided, and, in their place, peace and joy began to blossom. There were some old friends who did not desert me. There were new friends who, knowing all, still loved and accepted me. These provided tangible proof of God's love. So, I came to believe.
Yet Step 2 is still not easy for me. My father, a good, able man, had dreams for me I could not fulfill. I always felt I was a disappointment to him. So I constantly hear in my mind, "That's not good enough. You don't measure up. I'm not pleased." When I do not consciously resist these thoughts by faith, I sense a pulling away from God evidenced by a reluctance to pray and study the Bible. Worship becomes a drudgery and thoughts of God distasteful. Only as I make a conscious effort to claim by faith the blood of Christ which cleanses from all sin and the righteousness of Christ which makes me completely acceptable to God does the sense of condem- nation dissipate and a sense of thanksgiving to God for His unspeakable gift move me to draw near to Him.
Is it worth all the work? It sure is! As I claim the truth that God is for me in every circum- stance because of the blood and righteousness of my Savior, solid peace and joy drive away the old depressions which were so crippling. As I accept the truth that God will never abandon me because Christ has endured all the wrath I deserve, I know I am never alone when temptation strikes. God is right there in the midst of the battle with me, not condemning me, but loving me, forgiving me, accepting me, counting me righteous in His Son, holding my hand, and sus- taining me as He and I walk out of this together. He promises to stand with me in the heat of battle and in the depths of despair, so nothing need overwhelm me. My past is forgiven, my present is secure, and my future is certain. What can I render to God for going to such lengths to save me and call me His friend?
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 2
1) In your journal, write out as many examples as you can recall of your tendency to doubt the motives of people (especially your parents) when they were thoughtful and kind to you. Then write examples of whining, complaining, and detachment from God which reveal your doubt of His love and acceptance. Discuss what you have found with your step coach.
2) Read aloud Psalm 23 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, praising God for the truth of His love to you despite your shortcomings and failures.
3) Listen to the tape Loved At Last! listed under "STEP 2" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the brochure Homosexuality and the People of God listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the material in Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 3 while continuing to work in your workbook. Journal what you learn and share your findings with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 3
We learned to see purpose in our suffering,
that our failed lives were under God's control,
who is able to bring good out of trouble.
In Step 1 we faced our powerlessness. In Step 2 we saw "that power belongeth unto God" (Psalm 62:11) who "giveth power to...them that have no might..." (Isaiah 40:29); and, as we came to believe in His love and grace, we found "joy and peace in believing" (Romans 15:13).
With Step 3, our new found or newly revived faith in the love of God enables us to begin to attack the roots of our homosexual struggle. Many of us felt we were victims--victims of life, victims of parents. And it may have been true! But if we stop there and see no thread of grace running through our sufferings, we end up being victims who have no hope.
Whatever may have happened when we were young, we are children no longer and must accept responsibility for our current actions. With God's help, we can change. As long as we blame others or circumstances over which we have no control for our situation, we will feel trapped, unable to do anything to change our lives. Bitterness and suspicion will lead us to develop an ever more distrustful attitude toward others and we will put up walls to keep them far away emotionally so that they cannot hurt us. Loneliness will drive us to seek sexual encounters which are a futile substitute for the love we need but from which we have cut ourselves off. Resentment may even poison our relationship with God as we angrily ask, "Why me?"
Dr. Gerard van den Aardweg, a Dutch psychologist with over twenty years experience in treat- ing homosexuality, identifies "self-pity as perhaps one of the prime causes of homosexuality..." [On the Origins and Treatment of Homosexuality, p. xv] If we would find freedom from homo- sexuality, we must undermine our feelings of being a victim and of self-pity. To do so we must see God not only as our loving Father (Step 2), but also as our Sovereign Lord (Step 3) whose almighty grace can bring blessing out of all that we have suffered.
1. Since sin has come into the world, is life difficult for everyone?
Genesis 3:17-19
Sin always brings sorrow. It has been so from the first. "The whole earth partakes of the punishment, which the sin of man, its head and destined ruler, has called down.... Death reigns. Instead of the blessed soil of Paradise, Adam and his offspring have to till the ground now condemned to bear thorns and thistles, and this is not to end, until man returns to the earth from which he was taken." [E. Harold Browne, "Genesis," The Bible Commentary I, p. 46]
Job 14:1
"Everybody out there is hurting. And if you don't know that, you're either very naive and believe in people's facades, or so thick-skinned that you don't hurt yourself and don't feel other people's hurts either." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 10]
"My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn." [Louis Adamic in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 304]
Ecclesiastes 1:2
When Ernie Pyle, famed World War II correspondent, learned of the death of his mother, he wrote these poignant words: "It seems to me that life is futile and death the final indignity. People live and suffer and grow bent with yearning, bowed with disappointment, and then they die. And what is it all for? I do not know." [in Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 85]
Ecclesiastes 2:22,23
"There will be no major solution to the suffering of mankind until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until these ques- tions are resolved we are caught." [Woody Allen in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 23]
Romans 8:22
"Is not disease the rule of existence? There is not a lily pad floating on the river that has not been riddled by insects. Almost every shrub and tree has its gall, oftentimes esteemed its chief ornament and scarcely to be distinguished from the fruit. If misery loves company, misery has company enough. Now, at midsummer, find me a perfect leaf or fruit." [Thoreau, Journal, 1851, The Oxford Book of Aphorisms, p. 326]
"Life is not just a struggle for you; it's a struggle for everyone, and no one meets all of life's challenges flawlessly." [Ralph Earle and Gregory Crow, Lonely All the Time, p. 255]
Personal Response
2. Is God in control of whatever happens?
There is some comfort in the realization that we are not alone in our suffering, but this is not enough to break the bands that bind us unless we also know that we are not subject to the power of impersonal fate or blind chance, but are in the hands of our loving Father in heaven.
I Chronicles 29:11,12
"One adequate support
For the calamities of mortal life
Exists, one only;--an assured belief
That the procession of our fate, howe'er
Sad or distrub'd, is order'd by a Being
Of infinite benevolence and power,
Whose everlasting purposes embrace
All accidents, converting them to good." [William Wordsworth]
Isaiah 46:9,10
"'What is history,' cried Cromwell, 'but God's unfolding of Himself?'" [James S. Stewart, Heralds of God, p. 12]
Daniel 4:34,35
"The great ones of this world--from Nebuchadnezzar to Mao Tse-tung--who lull themselves with the illusion that men create history...cannot spoil God's plans, but instead they form an unwitting part of his plans and must serve his purposes unconsciously and unwillingly.... The tender mercy of God rings out like a bell over our dark world. And this theme sets itself against the riddles of our fate and against all human powers who rebel against it and pretend to be the lords of this world." [Helmut Thielicke in Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. vii]
Matthew 10:29,30
There are really only two ways of looking at the painful side of life. "Some say that...to the gods we are like the flies that the boys kill on a summer day, and some say, on the contrary, that the very sparrows do not lose a feather that has not been brushed away by the finger of God." [Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey, p. 23]
Ephesians 1:11,12
"God is never in a panic, nothing can be done that He is not absolute Master of, and no one in earth or heaven can shut a door He has opened, nor open a door He has shut. God alters the inevitable when we get in touch with Him." [Oswald Chambers, If Thou Wilt Be Perfect, p. 127]
Personal Response
3. Where does sin come from?
Mark 7:21-23
"Chesterton says...that the great problem of philosophy is why little Tommy loves to torture the cat.... Malcolm Muggeridge says that...original sin, the most unpopular of all Christian dogmas, is the only one you can prove by the daily newspaper." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 42-43]
John 8:42-45
"Sin....has the devil for its father, shame for its companion, and death for its wages." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 209]
Romans 8:7,8
"If God lived on earth, people would break his windows." [Yiddish Proverb in The Crown Treasury of Relevant Quotations, p. 325]
"Bendetti, a Franciscan monk, author of 'Stabat Mater,' one day was found weeping, and when asked the reason of his tears, replied, 'I weep because Love goes about unloved.'" [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 79]
Ephesians 2:1-3
"All three evils, sin and death and suffering, are from us, not from God; from our misuse of our free will, from our disobedience. We started it!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 107] "We are sinners. Our world is a battlefield strewn with broken treaties, broken families, broken promises, broken lives, and broken hearts. We are good stuff gone bad, a defaced masterpiece, a rebellious child." [ibid., p. 116]
Personal Response
4. Can God overrule sin?
Joseph's brothers were jealous of him, hated him, plotted to murder him, sold him into slavery, told his father he was dead, and abandoned him to his fate. God however made him second to Pharaoh over Egypt and used him to save his family from starvation. His brothers feared that he would take vengeance on them. He gave one reason why he would not do so in these words:
Genesis 50:20
"What his brothers did was genuinely significant--and hurt Joseph deeply. But Joseph had eyes to see that God was also at work, and that His purposes had been fulfilled not just in spite of his brothers, but even through their actions!" [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 135]
Acts 2:22-24
The fact that Peter says Christ was "delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God" shows that "it has now become the habit of the Apostle's mind to trace the working of a divine purpose, which men, even when they are most bent on thwarting it, are unconsciously fulfilling. In chap. i.16, he had seen that purpose in the treachery of Judas; he sees it now in the malignant injustice of priests and people." [E. H. Plumptre, "The Acts of the Apostles," Ellicott's Commentary on the Whole Bible VII p. 11]
"The wicked's intense rage carries on God's decree against their wills; for while they sit back- ward to his command, they row forward to his decree." [John Trapp, A Commentary or Expos- ition Upon All the Books of the New Testament, p. 425]
"Neither God's designing it from eternity, nor his bringing good out of it to eternity, would in the least excuse their sin; for it was their voluntary act and deed, from a principle morally evil, and therefore 'they were wicked hands with which you have crucified and slain him.'" [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible VI, p. 22]
Acts 3:13-15
"The sentence which Jesus' human judges passed upon Him and His human executioners carried out has been reversed, Peter asserts, by a higher court. They put Him to death, but God raised Him up..." [F. F. Bruce, "Commentary on the Book of the Acts," The New International Commentary on the New Testament, p. 70-71]
Acts 3:26
The greatest tragedy in the world, the death of Christ, is also the greatest blessing in the world! It is the way sinners are saved! God can turn the worst into the best!
"Let us be content that God should rule the world; learn to acquiesce in His will, and submit to His providence." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 125]
Personal Response
5. Does God love me?
Psalm 86:15
A woman who had lived her life totally without reference to God was told by a doctor that her daughter, who had been injured in an automobile accident, would probably never come out of the coma and could quite possibly remain a "vegetable" the rest of her life. The woman said, "I walked out of the hospital and across the street to a bar and got totally zonkered. Then I got into my car and drove home, weeping the whole way. When I got in my driveway, I turned off the engine and began to curse God. I used every bit of vile language I knew, and I knew a lot. After about a half hour I was totally drained. And in the silence I heard a voice...and the voice said, 'That is the first time you have ever spoken to Me, and I love you.'" [Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. 15]
Psalm 145:8,9
"The reason the mass of men fear God, and at bottom dislike Him, is because they rather dis- trust His heart, and fancy Him all brain like a watch." [Herman Melville quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 54]
Romans 8:38,39
"Jesus Christ reveals, not an embarrassed God, not a confused God, not a God who stands apart from the problems, but One who stands in the thick of the whole thing with man." [Oswald Chambers, Disciples Indeed, p. 12]
I John 3:16
"It is quite natural (but wrong) to think that we have to become worthy in order for God to accept us. This harmful perception keeps people from coming to Christ, for it leads them to believe that He died for some sinners but not others. Homosexuals and adulterers, along with all of us, must bask in the love of God; we all must be willing to open our lives to His grace... God does not turn His back on those who believe in His Son." [Erwin W. Lutzer, Coming to Grips with Homosexuality, p. 32]
I John 4:16
"How you view God determines the quality and style of your Christian experience. Many Christians spend much of their lives paralyzed because, although they have trusted Christ as Savior, they have never really seen what His sacrifice teaches us about the character of God. He gave His Son...because He loves us. He thereby proves His grace. Do you know...God, in this way?" [Sinclair Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 102]
I John 4:19
"Let not any hard dealing make you mistake your Father's affection.... It is a bitter cup, but He is still my Father." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 32]
"The people of God have ground for cheerfulness. They are justified and adopted, and this creates...music within, whatever storms are without." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 14]
Personal Response
6. Does suffering have a purpose?
Romans 5:3,4
"God has many angels who do His errands and summon men to Him, says Archer Butler; but the angel that has gathered most to the Savior's feet is the angel of sorrow." [J. D. Jones, The Gospel According to St. Mark II, p. 102]
"Perhaps we suffer so inordinately because God loves us so inordinately and is taming us. Perhaps the reason why we are sharing in a suffering we do not understand is because we are the objects of a love we do not understand." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 78]
"Blessed is that hour of holy desperation when a man...moves out of the wreck of himself into Christ." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 120]
II Corinthians 1:3,4
"I often feel very grateful to God that I have undergone fearful depression. I know the borders of despair and the horrible brink of that gulf of darkness into which my feet have almost gone. But hundreds of times I have been able to give a helpful grip to brethren and sisters who have come into that same condition, which grip I could never have given if I had not known their deep despondency. So I believe that the darkest and most dreadful experience of a child of God will help him...if he will but follow Christ." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXII, 1886, p. 344]
James 1:2-4
"Adversity introduces a man to himself." [Anonymous in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 14]
"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." [William Saroyan in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 188]
"...I remembered one of my friends at Yale: a Christian who struggled heroically with his homo- sexual nature. He could never remember a time when he had been attracted to girls. He had found himself falling in love with males since childhood. He had never acted out his desires. He had done nothing to encourage them. He did not want to be homosexual. He would have given anything to change his pattern of sexual attraction, but he knew little of the Holy Spirit's power to do this. I was an atheist at the time. He made all of his agony into material for Christian witness, telling us why he could not deny his Savior by following his desires. I found his account of his struggles deeply moving. He is part of the reason I am a Christian today." [Richard Lovelace, "An Uncomfortable Issue," Charisma, (March 1985), p. 9]
Whenever I grow discouraged, I have evidence that I am doubting that God is in charge of my life, that He loves me, that He intends to do me good, and that He intends to bless others through me.
Personal Response
7. Can God bring good out of trouble?
Psalm 119:71
"Hurt often must come before healing." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 145]
"...Trial is not only to approve, but to improve..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 31]
"The tears of the godly are sweeter than the triumph of the wicked." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 21]
Romans 8:28
"A devout Christian young man lamented that he just couldn't let go of bitterness he felt about certain mental wounds he had suffered years earlier. He could quote Scriptures about how he should forgive, but he still didn't feel forgiving. He had prayed repeatedly, 'Thank you God, for letting such-and-such happen in my life.' Still, he didn't feel thankful. Then he used the idea that one picture is worth a thousand words. He pictured the wrongs done to him as gashes cutting deeply into his body. Then he imagined himself to be a giant key, and those gashes took on new meaning. They became notches precisely machined along the edge of the key to make it uniquely useful. God could use him as a tool to fit locks that no other key could budge. The locks represented bitterness, fear, and discouragement in the minds of other people. Now he, the notched key, could understand them. The hurts in his life had made him useful to other people's lives. He wept and laughed as he visualized God's huge hands turning him, the key, in those locks and freeing others from their emotional prisons." [Dennis Gibson, The Strong-Willed Adult, p. 82-83]
II Corinthians 4:17
"Remember St. Teresa's bold saying that from heaven the most miserable earthly life will look like one bad night in an inconvenient hotel!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 139]
"God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with him." [Jurgen Moltmann quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 100]
Hebrews 12:11
"...The Creator has so fashioned this universe that the best can emerge from the worst. Where forest fires once raged, jack pines and birches now thrive. The stubborn cones of jack pine often remain tightly closed, withholding their seeds from the soil until fire forces them open. As a consequence, fire has given some jack pines their only chance to get started on the earth. White birch crave open places where they can get light and air for growth. Fire burns such openings into the forest and gives white birches their opportunity. During World War II ninety-five types of flowers and shrubs unknown for decades were found in London, in holes where nitrates from bursting and burning bombs had enriched the soil. Seeds of grain are freed to multiply in the soil when the wind has whipped them or the threshing machine has threshed them. The pearl in an oyster is formed when an irritant, such as a grain of sand, causes the oyster to secrete a soothing substance around the aggravation. The secretion becomes a jewel. A moth's wings are strengthened for flight when the creature struggles to get free of its imprisoning cocoon; no struggle, no strength. Nature is rife with trouble that ends in blessing. One of the big assurances that this created world offers us is that trouble can be made to serve high purposes." [Harold Kohn, Pathways to Understanding, p. 76]
Personal Response
8. Should God's children shun self-pity?
Numbers 14:26-30
"Self-pity is a fertile seed-bed, where homosexual temptation flourishes with deep roots which are not easy to pull up." [Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love, p. 55] "...The regrets and longing for something you don't or can't have may...flood suddenly in and swamp your emotions. Then with the longing comes the imagining, and then the accepting and relishing what you imagine, and then the sly search for fuel to feed these thoughts, and then maybe some attempt at realizing them in action..." [ibid., p. 53-54]
Philippians 2:14
"Why do we shrink from great waters--without them we cannot see great wonders. Shallow water Christians see but few wonders." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 31]
"If...we can recognize the pain that we must endure as wind in our sails, we will use the agony rather than curse it." [Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 54]
Philippians 4:11-13
"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." [H. T. Leslie in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 306]
"We may think that...severity is inconsistent with...God's...compassion. ...That is because we do not appreciate how seriously God loves us, and how determined He is that we should have His best, even if it means pain." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 141]
Jude 14-16
"Because sin deserves death and we are all sinners,...all our mercies are undeserved mercies. Any apparent unfairness in God's treatment of us arises not because some have too much punish- ment, but because some of us appear to have too little. None of us will ever receive harsher judgment than we deserve.... The marvel is, in the biblical view, not that men die for their sins, but that we remain alive in spite of them." [John W. Wenham, The Goodness of God, p. 70]
Personal Response
9. What should I then do?
Psalm 34:1
Why is it so easy to complain, so hard to rejoice? "Most of us can remember how...the scraped knee may have gotten us...attention from a...parent. The way our brain...operates may result in such close association of self-pity with the gratification of being cared for, that we may actually enjoy...self-pity. Some people...actually incur pain in order to have something about which to feel sorry for themselves.... Mature adults...try to rectify things that have gone wrong instead of...pitying themselves..." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 20]
Psalm 46:1,2
"God has given us the dignity of choice, a free choice, to accept or reject a relationship with Him. Our choice will have real consequences. We can spend our lives walking with God or running from Him. We can invest our short time here blaming God or being healed by Him.... What will you choose?" [R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 44]
Psalm 107:15
"I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped." [Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky in The Portable Curmudgeon, p. 189]
"I feel a very unusual sensation--if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude." [Benjamin Disraeli in ibid., p. 125]
Acts 16:22-25
"When God is at the center of things, worship inevitably follows. Where there is no spirit of worship, there God has been dethroned and displaced." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 150]
Ephesians 5:20
"Cultivation of a thankful spirit, even in the face of personal disappointment, is one of the most important goals a man can have. A person can be submissive in his behavior without being sub- missive in his heart.... Learning to be thankful in all...situations will really help to develop the kind of submission that is pleasing to the Lord. It doesn't come easily, but the Lord will help you if you ask Him." [Garry Friesen with J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God, p. 397]
I Thessalonians 5:18
The praise to which God's Word calls us is not a superficial barrage of words, but a deep sense of gratitude based on what God is like and what He has already done for us. As faith thinks on these things, true thanksgiving wells up within the soul. This is not always immediate, and faith may often be required to fight its way through a jungle of crippling doubts, negative feelings, and external problems until it has that clear vision of God and His grace which prompts true praise (see, for example, Psalm 13:1-6). When this true praise finally bursts forth, it creates altered states of mind. Guilt, fear, anger, self-pity, suspicion, resentment, and bitterness are all overthrown; and the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control which are the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23) begin to grow in their place.
Personal Response
10. How can I live this life of praise?
Psalm 9:9,10
Dr. John Claypool lost his young daughter to leukemia. As he watched his little girl suffer, he could see no reason for what was happening to her. He understood how a man could turn against God and at times was not far from doing so himself. But he did not succumb. Instead he found, "...If we are willing, the experience of grief can deepen and widen our ability to participate in life. We can become more grateful for the gifts we have been given, more open-handed in our handling of the events of life, more sensitive to the whole mysterious process of life, and more trusting in our adventure with God." [John Claypool, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, p. 103]
Psalm 30:4,5
"In hours of pain and grief
We learn in Him unfaltering faith and trust,
Only because we will and not because we must."
[W. O. Carver, The Self-Interpretation of Jesus, p. 94]
Psalm 34:22
"Grace's worst is better than the world's best..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 23]
Proverbs 30:5
"Two children were playing on a hillside, when they noticed the hour was nearing sunset, and one said wonderingly: 'See how far the sun has gone! A little while ago it was right over that tree, and now it is low down in the sky.' 'Only it isn't the sun that moves; it's the earth. You know, Father told us,' said the other. The first one shook his head. The sun did move, for he had seen it, and the earth did not move for he had been standing on it all the time. 'I know what I see,' he said triumphantly. 'And I believe Father,' said his brother. So mankind divides today--some accepting only what their senses reveal to them, the others believing the Word of God." [Walter B. Knight, Knight's Master Book of New Illustrations, p. 184]
Isaiah 26:3,4
"A grief accepted loses most of its power to sadden, and all its power to perturb. It is not outward calamities, but a rebellious will that troubles us." [Alexander Maclaren in Robert Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 27]
"It is not miserable to be blind; it is miserable to be incapable of enduring blindness." [John Milton in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 16]
Romans 8:35-37
W. R. Maltby wrote, "In the sermon on the mount, Jesus promised His disciples three things --that they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and that they would get into trouble. They did get into trouble, and found, to their surprise, that they were not afraid. They were absurdly happy, for they laughed over their own troubles, and only cried over other peoples'." [in Leslie Weatherhead, Jesus and Ourselves, p. 253]
"Was His head crowned with thorns, and do we think to be crowned with roses?" [Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial, p. 21]
Romans 15:13
"God is the Creator of the universe, and the comforter of the sorrowing." [Thomas Binney in Theodore L. Cuyler, Recollections of a Long Life: An Autobiography, p. 171]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 3
It is important to remember in times of temptation that homosexuality does bring suffering. I am still not fully immune to the siren songs of sin. There are times of intense loneliness when I hear the whisper, "I am your only chance for love. Yield or you will be forever alone." There are times when I hear the promise, "I can ease your pain and banish the hurt." Then it is vital to remember the pain homosexuality has caused me in the past that I may discern the lie it tells me now.
I need to remember how homosexuality took my self-respect and gave me guilt, took my honor and gave me shame, took my honesty and gave me a double life, took my gentleness and made me an angry man. I need to remember that it led me to betray my God, my wife, my children, my friends, all those who trusted me. I need to remember how it promised relief but gave only pain; promised love but gave only lust and loneliness. I need to remember how it robbed me of my reputation, my family, my friends, and almost destroyed my sanity and my life.
But it is also important to remember that God does bring good out of trouble. Otherwise sorrow will swallow me up and give fresh power to temptation. I need to remember that, just as physi- cal pain warns the body to get out of harm's way, so emotional pain is God's "early warning system" crying, "This is not the way. Walk ye not in it." By it He positions me for grace. Only those who labor and are heavy laden will come to Him for rest (Matthew 11:28-30). He does not delight in the pain or the sin which is its source. He does overrule so as to bring good out of all our troubles as we walk with Him.
This good, for me, has meant a new appreciation of God's love and grace, a new tenderness toward all who struggle with any sin, and the realization that the highway of holiness cannot be traveled alone. We must walk it in fellowship with, and by the help of, God's people. It has meant a new ministry with those who struggle with that which brought my pain and the joy of seeing them find hope and gain freedom. Out of my pain has come a closer walk with God, ever-increasing freedom, new strength and vulnerability, the ability to help others, and perhaps the beginnings of wisdom! These make it all worthwhile.
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 3
1) Write out all the ways you know homosexuality has caused you pain in your journal. Then write all the ways God has or can bring good out of these troubles. Share what you have written with your step coach and begin, by faith, to praise God for the blessings which are or will be yours.
2) Read aloud Psalm 103 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, and praise God for His loving, gracious sovereignty over all that comes to you.
3) Listen to the tape Good? Out of this Mess? and read the brochure Turning Loss Into Profit listed under "STEP 3" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 4 while continuing to work in your workbook. Ask your step coach to recommend a good book from the "HA Book Ministry" list which he believes will help you with Steps 1-7 and begin reading it. Journal what you learn from all this and share your findings with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 4
We came to believe that God
had already broken the power of homosexuality
and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.
Step 1 shows us our helplessness. Steps 2 through 4 show us how to find our help in God.
Step 2 teaches us to reach out to God as our loving Father who loves, forgives, and accepts us in spite of all that we are and have done. Step 3 teaches us to see Him as our sovereign Lord who so controls our failed lives that there is purpose in our suffering and good can come from all our trouble. Step 4 encourages us to see God as our mighty Savior who "breaks the power of reigning sin and sets the captives free."
It is wonderful to know that God forgives our past and transforms its failures into blessing. But what about the present? Are we forever doomed to failure? Will sin always lord it over us? God forbid!
The Bible teaches that God not only takes care of our past, He transforms our present and assures our future. Scripture says that at the cross God smashed the iron doors which Satan had used to imprison us. God Himself has entered our dark cell and holds out His hand to us, encouraging us to walk with Him into the glorious light of freedom and change!
1. Who brought all sin and misery into the world?
II Corinthians 11:3
"You all know the father of sin, that is, the devil.... The devil is the father, lust the mother, consent the midwife, and custom the nurse; if consent bring it forth, custom will bring it up." [Thomas Adams, A Commentary on the Second Epistle General of St. Peter, p. 50]
Ephesians 6:12
"Satan and his legions are out to disable the body, deceive the mind, and discourage the spirit.... He attacks through morals, through the mind, through moods." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 79]
I John 3:8
"We were samples of the devil's dirty work, but we are now trophies of God's handiwork." [Stanley C. Baldwin, What Makes You So Special?, p. 59]
"So human nature can be changed!--praise God!" [J. I, Packer, "The New Man," Understand- ing Bible Teaching, p. 6]
I Peter 5:8
"Do not let the Evil One persuade you that you can have any secrets from him." [Franz Kafka in Leadership, p. 119]
"John Calvin reminds us that though Satan may rage about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, yet he has a bit in his mouth and it is God who holds the reins." [B. B. Warfield, Faith and Life, p. 27]
Revelation 12:9
While the devil is popularly depicted as a man with horns, tail, and pitchfork, masking the dreadful reality of evil, the Bible plainly exposes him. It uses many names to describe Satan because he is terribly complex and appears in many forms in real life.
"DEVIL = (Gr.) the accuser or slanderer (Job i.6-11, ii.1-7; Rev. xii.10). Heb. Satan means adversary....
"There is but one Devil, many 'demons'.... Peter when tempting Jesus to shun the cross did Satan's work, and therefore received Satan's name (Matt. xvi.23); so Judas is called a 'Devil' when acting the Devil's part (John vi.70). Satan's characteristic sins are lying (John viii.44; Gen. iii.4,5); malice and murder (I John iii.12; Gen. iv); pride, 'the condemnation of the Devil,' by which he 'lost his first estate' (I Tim. iii.6; Job xxxviii.15; Isa xiv. 12-15; John xii.31; xvi.11; 2 Pet. ii.4; Jude 6).
"He slanders God to man, and man to God (Gen. iii; Zech. iii). His misrepresentation of God as one arbitrary, selfish, and envious of His creature's happiness, a God to be slavishly feared lest He should hurt, rather than filially loved,....is refuted by God's not sparing His only begotten Son to save us. His slander of good men, as if serving God only for self's sake, is refuted by the case of 'those who lose (in will or deed) their life for Christ's sake.'
"Demons...are spirits who tremble before, but love not, God (Jas. ii.19), incite men to rebellion against Him (Rev. xvi.14). 'Evil spirits' (Acts xix.13,15) recognize Christ the Son of God (Matt. viii.29; Luke iv.41) as absolute Lord over them, and their future Judge; and even flee before exorcism in His name (Mark ix.38). As 'unclean' they can tempt man with unclean thoughts....
"Satan as Beelzebub (Matt. xii.24-30) is at the head of an organized kingdom of darkness, with its 'principalities and powers' to be 'wrestled' against by the children of light....
"Possession with or by a demon or demons is distinctly asserted by Luke (vi.17,18), who as a 'physician' was able to distinguish between the phenomena of disease and those of demonical possession.... In Matt. iv.24, 'those possessed with demons' are distinguished from 'those lunatic'....
"At our Lord's advent as Prince of Light, Satan as prince of darkness, whose ordinary opera- tion is on men's minds by invisible temptation, rushed into open conflict with His kingdom and took possession of men's bodies also. The possessed man lost the power of individual will and reason, his personal consciousness becoming strangely confused with that of the demon in him..." [A. R. Faussett, Bible Cyclopaedia, p. 169-170] "In the gospels, demon-possession is known not just by disintegration of personhood, but also by recognition of Jesus' identity and authority as Son of God, and hostility towards him. Only when this factor appears can demon-possession ever be diagnosed with confidence." [J. I. Packer, God's Words, p. 84]
"...The assumption that demon-possession today might be as common a problem as in Jesus' day is doubtful. From Acts and the epistles it does not look as if it was a common problem even in the apostolic age. The natural way to read the evidence is to suppose that the coming to earth of the Son of God stirred up a great deal of demonic activity which subsided after his ascension. It is to be feared that the preoccupation of some with finding demons everywhere is really an obsessional ego-trip, which Satan can use as a smoke-screen for his real work of spiritual corruption no less effectively than he can use disbelief in his existence to that end." [idem.]
This is not to say that demon possession no longer occurs. It is to say that great discernment must be exercised before ascribing homosexuality to evil spirits. "One should not assume that all homosexuals need deliverance from spirits of homosexuality any more than one would assume that all thieves need deliverance from spirits of robbery.... Those who assume that all problems with homosexuality are demonic in origin only confuse their counselee and leave them in a hope- less state. The counselee will be confused because he will overlook the psychological aspect of his problem, thinking that demons are always to blame. He will feel hopeless because he is always at the whim of other beings, never gaining control of his own choices. Thus, it is a great disservice to any counselee to teach or even imply that all of his problems are demonic.
"If, in the course of counseling, however, the need for deliverance becomes apparent, the Christian counselor should not hesitate to...proceed with the only solution--deliverance." [Michael R. Saia, Counseling the Homosexual, p. 167]
Even with deliverance, there will still be much to do. "Deliverance does not solve relationship problems, it does not bring about any character development, it does not renew the person's mind, and it cannot take the place of a good relationship with God. Deliverance performs one necessary function: it removes a negative influence from the person's life, aiding the person to continue, unhindered, with the normal processes of Christian growth." [ibid., p. 170]
"Satan shall head the last conspiracy against Christ...and shall finally be cast into the lake of fire forever (Rev. xx.7-10). As the destroyer he is represented as the 'roaring lion seeking whom he may devour' (I Pet. v.8). As the deceiver he is the 'serpent.' Though judicially 'cast down to hell' with his sinning angels, 'and delivered into chains of darkness to be reserved unto judgment' (2 Pet. ii.4), he is yet free on earth to the length of his chain, like a chained dog, but no further. He cannot hurt God's elect; his freedom of range in the air and on the earth is that of a chained prisoner under sentence." [A. R. Faussett, Bible Cyclopedia, p. 170]
Personal Response
2. Has Satan's power and that of all his hosts been broken at the cross?
Genesis 3:14,15
"The monumental importance of this verse has been recognized by commentators from ancient times. Its gospel character is so marked that for centuries it has been known as the 'proto- evangel," i.e., 'first gospel,' for it is the first hint of the good news." [Frank E. Gaebelein, Exploring the Bible, p. 116] "Here, at the very beginning of Scripture, compressed in twenty-eight simple words, is the central teaching of God's Word.... In the words of the great Luther, 'Here rises the sun of consolation.'" [ibid., p. 158]
Here we have "the one great central truth of all prophecy--the coming of One, Who, though He should suffer, would in the end crush the head of the old serpent, the Devil." ["Appendixes," The Companion Bible, p. 15] "The bruising of Christ's heel is the most eloquent and impressive way of foretelling the most solemn events; and to point out that the effort made by Satan to evade his doom...would become the very means of insuring its accomplishment; for it was through the death of Christ that he who had the power of death would be destroyed; and all Satan's power and policy brought to an end, and all his works destroyed (Heb. 2:14; I John 3:8; Rev. 20:1-3,10)." [ibid., p. 25]
Matthew 12:28,29
"Jesus here answers the slander of the Pharisees who had said that he cast out devils by Beel- zebub, the prince of the devils. He shows the absurdity of the accusation by comparing the power of the devil with that of a kingdom or a town or a house... If one devil should cast out another, the kingdom of the devils would not stand but would fall asunder. But this does not happen. That is why there is only one explanation for Jesus' power over the demons, viz., that by the Spirit (or the finger of God) he was able to cast them out." [Herman Ridderbos, The Coming of the Kingdom, p. 61]
"There were Jewish exorcists, and the Pharisees did not accuse them of employing diabolical agency. Why then did they accuse Christ of this?... The charge of diabolical agency having been proved to be both absurd and unjust, the alternative of Divine agency is adopted.... The Kingdom of God is come near them, and yet they are far from the Kingdom.... The Messiah had taken prey from Satan by freeing demoniacs from his power; which is evidence that, so far from being the ally of Satan, He has begun to conquer him." [Alfred Plummer, An Exegetical Commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, p. 177]
"...Jesus' superior power over Satan....is already proved at the start by the temptation in the wilderness.... Jesus' rejection of the temptation is already the beginning of his victory and of the coming of the kingdom, although this victory will have to be renewed again and again during his life on earth...." [Herman Ridderbos, The Coming of the Kingdom, p. 62-63]
The powers of hell were finally smashed at the cross and this victory will be fully consummated when Christ returns.
John 12:31-33
"Superficial views of the work of Christ produce superficial Christian lives." [D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, The Cross, p. viii]
Colossians 2:13-15
Some may ask, "If the power of Satan and his hosts was broken at the cross, why do I have such difficulty finding freedom from homosexuality? Why are my struggles so painful? Why do I sometimes fail?"
Our situation is like that of the Allies in World War II. Hitler's power was effectively smashed when the Normandy Beachhead was established. After D Day, it was only a matter of time until VE Day. There were some bloody battles to be fought, but the Nazis were finished!
In like manner, Satan's power was demolished at Calvary. His doom is certain. Our victory is secure. There are still battles to be fought, but victory is ours in Christ! The power of homosexuality has already been broken at the cross!
Personal Response
3. What kind of battle am I fighting?
II Corinthians 10:3-5
"Never cope with a temptation alone, but strive to bring God into the combat." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 364]
I Timothy 6:12
"The individual who is not anchored in God can offer no resistance on his own resources to the physical and moral blandishments of the world." [Carl C. Jung, The Undiscovered Self, p. 34]
Revelation 12:11
The weapons of our warfare are spiritual, not carnal. They have been supplied by the life, death, and resurrection of our Savior. As we learn to use the weapons He has provided, we overcome the evil one.
We are not fighting for future victory but from Christ's accomplished victory already won at the cross. For us, the issue is no longer sin, but faith! We must ask ourselves, "Will I continue to pray desperately, 'Please help me overcome my homosexuality,' or will I say boldly by faith, 'Thank you, Lord, that you have already smashed the power of homosexuality at the cross'?"
Satan is the master of illusion. When we fall, it is because we fall for his lies instead of believing God's truth. In this warfare he uses four big guns: condemnation, sin, law, and death. These can only be spiked by faith--fighting faith!
Personal Response
4. Was the power of homosexuality to condemn the believer broken at the cross?
John 5:24
"You may pile up your sins till they rise like a dark mountain, and then multiply them by ten thousand for those you cannot think of; and after you have tried to enumerate all the sins you have ever committed, just let me bring one verse in and that mountain will melt away: 'The blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanseth us from ALL sin.'" [D. L. Moody, Select Sermons, p. 45]
The great missionary William Carey had these lines written on his tomb:
"A guilty, weak and helpless worm,
On Thy kind arms I fall;
Be Thou my strength and righteousness,
My Jesus and my all."
[C. H. Spurgeon, My Sermon Notes,, p. 618]
Romans 4:6-8
"Question 60. How art thou righteous before God? Answer. Only by a true faith in Jesus Christ; so that, though my conscience accuse me that I have grossly transgressed all the commands of God, and kept none of them, and am still inclined to all evil; notwithstanding God, without any merit of mine, but only of mere grace, grants and imputes to me the perfect satis- faction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ; even so, as if I never had had, nor committed any sin; yea, as if I had fully accomplished all that obedience which Christ hath accomplished for me; inasmuch as I embrace such benefit with a believing heart." [The Heidelberg Catechism]
"...Righteousness comes by faith and not by hustle." [Stephen Brown, No More Mr. Nice Guy!, p. 118]
Romans 8:1
"The fact is, that believers are in a state of conflict, but not in a state of condemnation; and that at the very time when the conflict is the hottest, the believer is still justified." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXIII, (1887), p. 469]
"That living now goes singing down the centuries: in life, in death, in time, in eternity, there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus." [ibid., p. 479]
Ephesians 1:7
When strong homosexual feelings come, we may feel God is pulling away, abandoning us. If we surrender to this feeling, we will inevitably begin to say, "Why resist? Since God is abandoning me in my hour of need, all is lost. Why not abandon myself?" Faith, however, fights back, using "the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" (Ephesians 6:17), and says:
"Father, I know these homosexual feelings are wrong and I want to be free of them. But I won't be free if I let myself think you walk away from me just when I need you most. Jesus was forsaken in my place (see Matthew 27:46). You have therefore promised never to forsake me (see Hebrews 13:5). I am not abandoned! Jesus' blood cleanses me from all sin (see I John 1:7). I am not filthy in your sight! You are not disgusted with me! Jesus is my propitiation (see Romans 3:25)--my wrath-removing sacrifice. You are not angry with me any more. Jesus is my righteousness (see II Corinthians 5:21). Therefore you do not condemn me. You accept me completely in spite of all that I am or have done. You will not impute sin to me (see Romans 4:8). You will not charge my sinful nature or my sinful deeds against me. I renounce these feelings of abandonment. I receive the truth of Scripture. I am now believing that you are walking through this struggle with me so that it loses its power."
Personal Response
5. Was the power of homosexuality to enslave the believer broken at the cross?
"He who supposes that Jesus Christ only lived and died and rose again in order to provide... forgiveness of sins for His people....is...making Him only half a Savior. The Lord Jesus has undertaken everything that His people's souls require: not only to deliver them from the guilt of their sins by His atoning death, but from the dominion of their sins by placing in their hearts the Holy Spirit..." [J. C. Ryle, Holiness, p. 16]
Romans 6:1-4
"...The death, which delivers from the bondage of sin, is followed by a new life of liberty (vv. 8-11), which is not under sin's dominion, but is to be devoted to the service of a new master (vv. 12-14)." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 129]
Romans 6:11
If a wealthy relative leaves you a fortune, you are rich. It will profit you little, however, if you know nothing of your inheritance or do not believe those who tell you of it. You will not benefit from a generous gift you do not know or believe you have. Thus Paul urges us to know and believe the truth--that we are dead to sin and alive to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. "...This is the first exhortation in the epistle... The present tense points to a continuing process; this goes on throughout the Christian life." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 256] "Faith means seeing things as Christ sees them and then acting on the vision." [idem.]
Romans 6:12,13
"The exhortation now advances from faith to practice..." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 130] "Sin fights for the mastery; it calls out an army of the lusts of the body, and seeks to use the members, hand, eye, or tongue as weapons wherewith the lusts may re-establish the rule of unrighteousness." [idem.] "This of course assumes that sin is still there; believers do not have a serene existence from which sin has been blissfully excluded. They are still 'in the flesh' as well as 'in Christ'. Sin is still a force, but Paul's point is that it is not supreme." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 257]
II Corinthians 5:14,15
"God has provided the solution... The question is...: Will we accept Christ's death as the pay- ment for our sins and discover the powerful implications of our salvation, or will we continue to follow Satan's lies..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 19]
I Peter 2:24
When strong homosexual temptation attacks the mind, anxiety begins to build. We may think God is condemning us for the temptation we sense in our sinful nature. Feeling rejected, we struggle to resist, but feel driven and helpless. If we surrender to these feelings, we will inevitably begin to say, "Why fight it? Sin is too powerful for me. God is against me. There is no way I can overcome. Why not yield? Why not spare myself the frustration of another fruitless struggle?" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I know these homosexual feelings are wrong and that my sinful nature is corrupt. But I thank you that no matter what I feel, you have no condemnation for me (see Romans 8:1), nothing can separate me from your love (see Romans 8:31-39), and you have smashed the power of sin in Christ (see Galatians 2:20). The victory has already been won and I claim it by faith. Sin may tempt me, trouble me, torture me, even trip me up, if I let it, but it is no longer my master. I reckon myself dead to it. Christ is my Lord. I count myself alive to Him. Thank you, Father, for ending the cruel reign of sin at Calvary and for standing with me in my struggle."
Personal Response
6. Was the power of homosexuality to shame the believer broken at the cross?
Some might say, "I can see how Satan could use the guns of condemnation and sin to trouble God's children, but how can he use God's law as a weapon? Isn't the law 'holy, and just, and good' (see Romans 7:12)?" It is, but the law must be used lawfully (I Timothy 1:8)!
The law can tell us what is right or wrong, but it is "weak through the flesh" (Romans 8:3). It cannot forgive the offender or empower the helpless, and the Bible teaches that we are all ungodly and without strength (Romans 5:6).
The law was not given as the way of deliverance, but in order "that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.... By the law is the knowledge of sin" (Romans 3:19,20). The law works wrath (Romans 4:15) and makes the offence abound (Romans 5:20). It never justifies people (Galatians 2:16; 3:11); it was given to lead people to Christ (Galatians 3:24). Those who are under the law need redemption, and Christ came to be under the law to redeem those who were under the law (Galatians 4:4,5).
Far from empowering us to overcome sin, "the strength of sin is the law" (I Corinthians 15:56). Sin was dead without the law (Romans 7:8), but when the commandment came, sin revived (Romans 7:9), deceived Paul, and slew him (Romans 7:11). Because of our corrupt nature, our sinful passions are actually "aroused by the law" (Romans 7:5 NIV). The law either makes us so discouraged that we say, "What's the use? I'm no good. I'll never measure up!" and surrender to sin, or we become religiously neurotic, trying harder and harder--even by the Holy Spirit--to straighten things out so we can feel presentable before the law while constantly condemning ourselves for never quite making it. As the stress increases, so does our frustration and longing for love and comfort. This makes us even more vulnerable to temptation. Shame at our failure leads us to draw back from God and His people leaving us without the support we need to fight back. And so we succumb.
Therefore, while we should look to the law to teach us right from wrong, we must not look to the law for righteousness or strength. The law is not our Savior! We must look only to Christ for the removal of our guilt and for all our righteousness (see John 1:29 and Philippians 3:8,9). We must look only to the Holy Spirit for power (see Acts 1:8).
Acts 13:38,39
"This does not mean that the law of Moses justified from some things, but Jesus from more. Rather, the meaning is 'forgiveness for everything--which the Law never offered'..." [Leon Morris, The Cross in the New Testament, p. 138] "...Justification is basically a legal term and...it means more than pardon. It indicates that the person concerned is treated as innocent, as having been acquitted at the bar of God's justice. Christ's death is the means of conferring on us the status of being righteous in God's sight." [idem.]
Romans 7:4
"Those who are under law look, though they look in vain, for justification and sanctification by its means. They hope to enter into life by keeping the commandments... The law is their hope and dependence. ...To be...married to Christ is...to place our dependence for all we need on Him; to expect to be justified by His righteousness, sanctified by His Spirit, saved in, by, Him 'with an everlasting salvation.' It is obvious...that we must be completely free from the law in order to our being...married to Christ.... If we are under the law, we are seeking...salvation by our own doings; if we are in Christ, we are saying, 'Surely in the Lord have we righteous- ness and strength.' We cannot be doing both. We must be dead to--free from the law in order to our being united to Christ." [John Brown, Analytical Exposition of the Epistle of Paul to the Romans, p. 123-124]
"The purpose of this 'spiritual marriage...betwixt Christ and His Church'...is 'that we should bring forth fruit unto God.' It is to God's honor, as our Creator, Redeemer, and Lord, that souls wedded to Christ should not remain barren, but be fruitful...in holiness and love." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 136]
Romans 10:4
"The law can pursue a man to Calvary, but no further." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 152]
Galatians 2:16
"The law commands and makes us know
What duties to our God we owe;
But 'tis the gospel must reveal
Where lies our strength to do His will.
"The law discovers guilt and sin,
And shows how vile our hearts have been;
Only the gospel can express
Forgiving love and cleansing grace.
"What curses does the law denounce
Against the man that fails but once!
But in the gospel Christ appears,
Pardoning the guilt of numerous years.
"My soul, no more attempt to draw
Thy life and comfort from the law:
Fly to the hope the gospel gives:
The man that trusts the promise, lives."
[Isaac Watts in "Hymns," Psalms and Hymns Adapted To Social, Private, and Public Worship in the Presbyterian Church in the United States of America, p. 91]
Galatians 3:10-13
When strong homosexual feelings come over us, we experience anxiety, confusion, and depres- sion. We wonder what we really want. We feel guilty and worthless and fear that we will never be what we ought to be. If we surrender to all this, we will inevitably begin to say, "It's no use! I'll never make it. I'm a failure. Why fight any longer?" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I am struggling with homosexual temptation again. I feel divided. I want to love you, but I feel my corruption. I both hate homosexuality and want it. Sometimes I don't know who I really am. I feel I can never be what you want me to be. But Father, I will not let my corruption frighten me. Christ has received all the condemnation it deserves. In Him, I am righteous before you. In Him, I am complete (see Colossians 2:10). In Him, I measure up. I'm going to stop cutting myself down. In myself I have a long way to go, but that's all right with you. You see me in Christ and are satisfied, so I'm going to stop seeing myself as trying to measure up, and seeing you as never pleased with the outcome. I am going to see myself in Christ--righteous, whole, complete, acceptable, heterosexual--and see you accepting me completely, just where I am, and walking with me, day by day, to teach me by your Word and Spirit to live more like the complete person I am in Christ (see Philippians 1:6). I thank you that as I continue to walk with you, the completeness I now have in Christ, and will experience more and more in my life, will be fully mine in glory (see I John 3:2). Thank you, Father, for freeing me from the frustrating struggle to measure up, by imputing the righteousness of Christ to me. Thank you that I am free to simply get better instead of constantly struggling to make it. And thank you that, as I walk with you, I will one day be fully conformed to the image of your Son."
Personal Response
7. Was the power of homosexuality to enervate the believer broken at the cross?
"The fourth power Christ smashed at the cross is the power of Death....that spiritual, dark force which seems to break down all life energy, chipping away at your goals and eternal longings, leaving you feeling hopeless and stunned by a quiet fear that...the touch of death has rested upon all you have tried to reach for. And you feel, 'My life has been one long struggle of disappoint- ment. Why bother anymore?...'
"But God has intervened. 'As in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.' I Corinthians 15:22, NEB.... Christ broke the power of death by embracing it.... He completely enveloped death and moved in upon its core to rise from within as the Bringer of Life.... Death does not now reign in the kingdom of grace that He governs. Life now reigns." [Colin Cook, Homosexuality: An Open Door?, p. 26]
John 10:10
"One of Faulkner's characters said: 'Between grief and nothing, I'll take grief.' But our choice is between grief and a full life." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 42]
"...Without Him everything else is nothing; and none of it will continue long. Without Him the whole of life is a ridiculous cage where human squirrels keep chasing themselves about in circles, gnawing on a few moral precepts for sustenance while they stop and catch their breath!" [David MacLennan, A Preacher's Primer, p. 14]
Romans 8:2
"Christianity is not adding a burden to our life. It is adding a power, for it is adding Christ..." [Henrietta C. Mears, Thoughts For All Seasons, p. 64]
"If Christ be our Light, we shall not walk in darkness. If He be our Wisdom, we shall not err. If He be our Life, we shall never see death. If He is our Good, we shall fear no evil." [Alexander Maclaren, Expositions of Holy Scripture III, p. 83]
Romans 8:10
"What is meant here by liberty you will first know when you ask not 'from what,' but--first-- 'for what'..." [Helmut Gollwitzer, "True Freedom," Sermons To Intellectuals From Three Continents, p. 81]
Galatians 5:22,23
"Christians sin, but they are forgiven (1 John 1:9; 2:1). Christians sin, but they are restrained from habitual uninterrupted sinning by the work of the Spirit. In verses 22,23, we move from the multiple 'deeds' of the flesh to the singular Greek term 'fruit' of the Spirit." [John MacArthur, Jr., Liberated for Life: Galatians, p. 106-107] "The works of the flesh are many, the fruit of the Spirit is one, yet manifold. The works of the flesh are in a measure independent of each other. It cannot be said that every unregenerate man commits all of them. But he who has the Spirit of Christ has in him the root of all Christian graces." [E. H. Perowne, "The Epistle to the Galatians," The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges, p. 68] "This is the pattern that ought to be seen in the believer. There will be times when we fail to walk in the Spirit, when we break the pattern, but Paul is emphasizing that the fruit must be a frequently visible reality in every true Christian." [John MacArthur, Jr., Liberated for Life: Galatians, p. 107]
"The true man trusts in a strength which is not his, and which he does not feel, does not even always desire." [George MacDonald: 365 Readings, p. 60]
"'But how can God bring this about in me?'--Let Him do it and perhaps you will know." [ibid., p. 99]
Hebrews 2:14,15
After a fall, or when facing temptation, we may find depression overwhelming us. We feel dead inside and find it difficult to pray. Nothing seems to work and we don't even want God any- more. Feeling condemned, we shut down the lines of communication and a sense of aloneness and hopelessness floods our soul. Despair engulfs us. If we surrender to these feelings, we will inevitably begin to say, "How can God have any interest in me when I have no desire for Him? What's the use? I give up!" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I bring these feelings to you. I don't feel like keeping the channels open, but I will. Father, I confess that I have no desire for you. The Bible seems stale, prayer use- less, and the church boring. I feel dead inside! But 'I thank you that this death has no power over my spirit which shares in the resurrection of Jesus. Death has no power over Him. This death-feeling is not the true me. The true me is resurrected with Christ.' [Colin Cook, Homosexuality: An Open Door?, p. 27-28] I refuse to come under the power of death. By faith I acknowledge that my spirit is alive with Christ. Thank you that as I reckon myself alive to God in Christ Jesus (see Romans 6:11), hope will revive and I will joy in you once more."
Personal Response
8. Can God restore what sin has marred?
Joel 2:25
"Through repentance all which had been lost by sin, is restored. In itself...sin is an irreparable evil.... God, through Christ, restores the sinner, blots out sin, and does away with its eternal consequences.... Writers of old say, 'It is pious to believe that the...grace of God which destroys a man's former evils, also reintegrates his good, and that God, when He hath destroyed in a man what is not His, loves the good which He implanted even in the sinner." [E. B. Pusey, The Minor Prophets, p. 192-193]
II Corinthians 5:17
"When Augustine, shortly after his conversion, was accosted on the street by a former mistress of his sinful and licentious days, he turned and walked in the opposite direction. Surprised, the woman cried out, 'Augustine, it is I!' But Augustine proceeded on his way as he cried back to her, 'Yes, but it is not I.'" [Clarence Edward Macartney, Great Interviews of Jesus, p. 18]
Galatians 6:9
"Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to ask for rest; to labor and not to ask for any reward save knowing that we do Thy will." [Ignatius of Loyola in Eerdmans' Handbook to Christian Belief, p. 378]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 4
Becoming a Christian does not mean that our faith is perfect or always strong. All too often we fail to take advantage of the treasures of grace available to us through the cross. This is especially true in times of strong temptation when our habitual emotional responses come into play and Satan uses the old feelings of guilt, shame, and fear to stampede us away from the victory Christ has already won for us at the cross.
This sometimes happens when things have been going well. Some time ago, just after working on Step 4, I invited a heterosexual man I had recently met to my apartment to get acquainted. For much of the time he was there, I had to struggle against repeated, unwanted thoughts of ways I might seduce him. While I did not yield, I had not experienced anything so powerful for over a year! I had erotic dreams about him that night. I could see no reason why I was having such feelings at that time.
While I did not fall into the old trap of hopelessness, I did have to struggle for two days to stay out of it. The old feelings that God despised me and that I'd never get free hammered away at me. I repeatedly had to drag myself into my heavenly Father's presence, asking His forgiveness for being one who could have such a struggle, claiming the cleansing power of Christ's blood, and trusting His righteousness to make me fully acceptable to God. I steadfastly refused to allow my feelings to give the lie to God's Word, but hung on for dear life to the truth that God was not angry with me and that He loved me not one whit less because of my struggles. Though I felt the power of homosexuality to tempt and torment, I refused to slip back into the belief that it still had the power to rule me--that it was the master and I was the slave. Instead, I thanked God that I was savingly joined to Christ so that when He died, I died in Him to sin; and that when He rose, I rose in Him to walk in newness of life.
The outcome? I had two days of intermittent and sometimes fierce struggle. But I did not fall, I did not masturbate, and I did not entertain fantasy, but rejected it. Homosexuality harassed me, but it could not lord it over me! "Thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (I Corinthians 15:57)!
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 4
1) Write an account of your most recent, serious struggle with homosexual temptation in your journal. Which guns did Satan use against you--condemnation, sin, law, and/or death? How did he use them? How did you respond? How do you plan to respond when he strikes next?
2) Read aloud Psalm 27 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, praising God that the power of homosexuality has already been broken at the cross and that He is even now restoring your true personhood.
3) Listen to the tape How To Spike the Devil's Guns under "STEP 4" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 5 while continuing to work in your workbook. Read Homosexuality: An Open Door? from the "HA Book Ministry" list under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY". Continue reading the book your step coach recommended to help you with Steps 1-7. Journal what you learn from all this and share what you have written with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer's praise!
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!
Jesus! The name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
'Tis music in the sinner's ears,
'Tis life, and health, and peace.
On this glad day the glorious Sun
Of Righteousness arose;
On my benighted soul He shone,
And filled it with repose.
Then with my heart I first believed,
Believed with faith divine;
Power from the Holy Ghost received
To call the Savior mine.
I felt my Lord's atoning blood
Close to my soul applied;
Me, me He loved--the Son of God:
For me, for me He died.
He breaks the power of cancelled sin,
He sets the prisoner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean,
His blood availed for me.
He speaks--and listening to His voice
New life the dead receive;
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
The humble poor believe.
Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.
My gracious Master, and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of thy name. --Charles Wesley
STEP 5
We came to perceive
that we had accepted a lie about ourselves,
an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.
Who is the real me? That question haunted many of us for years. Homosexuality is not principally a sexual problem, but rather an identity problem. Where could we learn our true identity?
We knew we could not expect our feelings or thoughts to provide the answer because our past experiences had distorted them. Nor could we trust friends who shared our distortions. We were afraid that others who had not experienced our struggle could not understand. Who could we wisely and safely trust to show us who we were?
Over four hundred years ago, one of the Church's greatest teachers wrote: "...It is certain that man never achieves a clear knowledge of himself unless he has first looked upon God's face, and then descends from contemplating Him to scrutinize himself." [John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion I.i.2, p. 37]
God made our first parents in His image (Genesis 1:26,27). They knew God, understood them- selves, were comfortable with each other, and enjoyed a life of healthy love.
Sin changed all that. In place of the beauty which God intended came all the horrors humanity now knows. When we look at people in general, and at ourselves in particular, we no longer see the pure likeness of God. Instead we behold a mass of problems like cruelty, apathy, hatred, resentment, indifference, bitterness, rage, lust, rebellion, greed, immorality, envy, pride, deception, and a thousand other tragic distortions.
The Bible tells us that homosexuality is also a distortion. Scripture teaches that God's plan was for the sexual union of male and female (Genesis 2:24), not for the union of two males or two females (Leviticus 18:22,23).
Something has happened to us that led us to diverge from God's purposes. Where did we go wrong? How can we get back? These are the questions which the 14 Steps help us answer.
Because we understood that distorted ideas about God lead to a twisted concept of self, we began by looking on God's face through His Word and His Son. We found that God is not a distant ogre or a harsh tyrant. He is our loving Father who forgives and accepts us in spite of all (Step 2), our sovereign Lord who is working all things for our ultimate good (Step 3), and our mighty Savior who has delivered us from sin and Satan's power at great cost (Step 4).
As we have begun to better understand God, we are now ready to begin to better understand ourselves. First we must face the lie we have accepted (Step 5), and then we can embrace the truth we have missed (Step 6).
1. What is one source of the longings we sometimes feel?
Psalm 42:1,2
"...Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee." [The Confessions of St. Augustine I:1]
Though we may have trusted in Christ and are completely loved, forgiven, and accepted by our heavenly Father; we may still keep Him at a distance and look for fulfillment elsewhere because of our fears and distortions. Thus we miss true satisfaction.
Psalm 63:1-3
"In comparison with this big world, the human heart is only a small thing. Though the world is so large, it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart. Man's ever-growing soul and its capacities can be satisfied only in the infinite God." [Sundar Singh in Elliott Wright, Holy Company, p. 170]
"Even earth's best and deepest well satisfies not." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 59]
Psalm 84:2
"The blank space in the modern heart, said Julian Huxley, is a 'God-shaped blank.'" [James S. Stewart, Heralds of God, p. 55]
"We may go with the bee from flower to flower, but we shall never have full satisfaction till we come to the infinite God." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 53]
Personal Response
2. What is God's attitude toward man now?
John 3:16
"God loves the unlovely, and it broke His heart to do it. The depth of the love of God is revealed by that wonderful word, 'whosoever.'" [Oswald Chambers, The Highest Good, p. 120]
Romans 1:18
The Bible speaks of God's wrath but assures us that God is love, always and unchangeably (I John 4:8; Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). How can both be true? Since God loves us, He must react against the sin that is destructive to us and others.
Scripture teaches that God's wrath is revealed in handing men and women over to the full force of sin (Romans 1:18,24,26,28). God does not abandon them, but in tough love allows them to experience the results of their poor choices so that, as they look past the experience of pain and grief, they may come to recognize that God Himself is their only true friend and help.
Personal Response
3. Has God revealed Himself to humankind?
Psalm 19:1-3
"Larry Maggard sent this poem to his mother in Isom, Kentucky, in a letter that arrived the same day as the telegram notifying his parents of his death:
'Lord God, I have never spoken to you,
But now I want to say: How do you do?
You see, God, they told me you didn't exist,
And like a fool, I believed all this.
'Last night from a shell hole I saw your sky;
I figured right then they had told me a lie,
Had I taken time to see things you made
I'd have known they weren't calling a spade a spade.
'I wonder, God, if you'll take my hand,
Some how I feel that you'll understand.
Funny I had to come to this hellish place
Before I had time to see your face.
'Well, I guess there isn't much more to say,
But I'm sure glad, God, I met you today.
I guess zero hour will soon be here,
But I'm not afraid since I know you're near.
'The signal! Well God, I'll have to go.
I like you lots, I want you to know.
Look, now, this will be a horrible fight,
Who knows, I may come to your house tonight.
'Tho' I wasn't friendly to you before,
I wonder, God, if you'd wait at your door.
Look, I'm crying! Me shedding tears!
I wish I'd known you these many years.
'Well, I'll have to go now, God. Goodbye.
Strange how, since I met you, I'm not afraid to die!'"
[Christian Times in James C. Hefley, A Dictionary of Illustrations, p. 301]
"An atheist is a man who believes himself an accident." [Francis Thompson in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 44]
Romans 1:19,20
"There are mountains all around the Betty Ford Center, blue-gray in the distance, massive and enduring. Once in a while even a patient who doesn't believe in God will admit that if you look at those mountains long enough, you start to suspect there's something out there greater than you..." [Betty Ford with Chris Chase, Betty: A Glad Awakening, p. 1]
"...When Helen Keller (who had been rendered permanently blind and deaf by illness at the age of nineteen months) was 10 years of age, her father asked Phillips Brooks to tell her about God. Gladly he did so, and the two corresponded as long as he lived. Brooks was 'profoundly im- pressed with the remark she made after the first conversation, that she had always known there was a God, but had not before known His name." [Andrew W. Blackwood, Expository Preach- ing for Today, p. 103]
Romans 2:14,15
"Two things fill the mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe, the more often and the more intensely the mind of thought is drawn to them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me." [Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason, conclusion, The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, p. 284:4]
Though God has revealed Himself clearly in creation and conscience, He has revealed Himself most clearly in Scripture.
II Peter 1:19-21
"I want to know one thing, the way to heaven: how to land safe on that happy shore. God Himself has condescended to teach the way; for this very end He came from heaven. He hath written it down in a book! I have it; here is knowledge enough for me. Let me be homo unis libri (a man of one book). Here then I am, far from the busy ways of men. I sit down alone; only God is here. In His presence I open, I read this book... Is there a doubt concerning the meaning of what I read? Does anything appear dark or intricate? I lift up my heart to the Father of lights. Lord, is it not Thy word, 'If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God'?... Thou has said, 'If any be willing to do Thy will, he shall know.' I am willing to do Thy will; let me know Thy will." [John Wesley in Andrew Blackwood, Preaching From the Bible, p. 24]
Personal Response
4. How has humanity responded to God?
Jeremiah 2:13
"It is natural for the mind to believe, and for the will to love; so that, for want of true objects, they must attach themselves to false." [Blaise Pascal, Pensees, #81]
Jeremiah 4:22
"You can hear it over and over again--all kinds of secondary solutions to secondary problems. Of course these are problems, but they are not the central problem ...The real reason we are in such a mess is that we have turned away from the God who is there and the truth which He has revealed. The problem is that the house is so rotten that even smaller earthquakes shake it to the core." [Francis Schaeffer, Death in the City, p. 58]
Romans 1:21-23
"The fallen self cannot know itself. We do not know who we are, and will search for an identity in someone or something other than God until we find ourselves in Him." [Leanne Payne, The Broken Image, p. 149]
Romans 1:25
"Our world lies on the brink of disaster because we as people have turned our backs on the God who made us. Our only hope is to turn back to Him--one life at a time." [R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 41]
Personal Response
5. Who is behind such responses?
II Corinthians 11:3
"Every sinner is really the devil's drudge." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 361]
II Thessalonians 2:8-10
"...If you despise God's truth you will fall in love with Satan's lie." [A. W. Pink, The Sermon on the Mount, p. 376]
II Timothy 3:13
"Other slaves are forced against their will...but sinners are willing to be slaves, they will not take their freedom; they kiss their fetters." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 150]
Revelation 20:10
"It is so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it." [Ronald Knox in The World Treasury of Religious Quotations, p. 239]
Personal Response
6. What is the result of our abandoning the true God?
Jeremiah 2:19
The Bible teaches us that our struggle is not something that deserves the wrath of God; it is part of the wrath of God which rests on all of fallen humanity. He did not hold us back from the sin we desired, but allowed us to run into evil, that the pain it brought might move us to return to His outstretched arms. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is HIS megaphone to rouse a deaf world." [C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain, p. 93]
Romans says that when people turned from God, He gave them up to immorality (1:24,25), homosexuality (1:26,27), and various kinds of iniquity (1:28-32). "...We can use the parable of the prodigal son to illustrate what this means and what it does not mean. There the father gives up the son who forsakes him. In other words, the father lets him go; the Father in Heaven does not hold anyone back by force either.... But the Father does not forsake or abandon when He gives up: He waits and keeps watch for the one who has run away, waiting for him to turn back from his perversity, for the Father does not give up in order to destroy, but in order to save..." [Walter Luthi, The Letter to the Romans, p. 24]
God speaks of His wrath to urge us to receive the gift of His love, His Son (John 3:16; Romans 5:8), who offered His blood (Romans 3:24,25) "a wrath-removing or propitiatory sacrifice". [William Hendriksen, "An Exposition of Paul's Epistle to the Romans," New Testament Com- mentary I, p. 132] Jesus Christ is God's answer to God's wrath!
Romans 1:24
Having lost touch with God, we lost ourselves. "Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outside of others.
"Early on, we came to feel disconnected--from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.
"We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we know to be free of it was to do it. 'Please connect with me and make me whole!' we cried with out- stretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.
"This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.
"Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another be- cause we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the 'chemistry,' the connection that had the magic, because it by-passed intimacy and true uni
A Workbook on the Fourteen Steps
Published by
Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services
H.A.F.S. APPROVED LITERATURE
Homosexuals Anonymous/HA Copyright 1994
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the copyright owner, except for brief quotations embodied in reviews.
To God, whose mercy endureth forever--
the Father, who in love purposed my salvation,
the Son, who bore my sins in his own body on the tree,
the Spirit, who indwells, guides, and empowers my life;
to Colin C., co-founder of Homosexuals Anonymous
to whom God gave the 14 Steps on which our recovery is based;
to Dan R., my counselor, and Calvin K., my pastor,
whose support and guidance were richly used of God in my recovery;
to Peter F., Rudy C., Geoffrey P., John W., Bob P., and especially Ivan L.,
men whose friendship has helped and sustained me in the process of recovery;
to Duncan E., Richard P., Charles M.,
Paul K., David W., Lois S., Alex C., Jack H., Rod H., and Ivan L.,
Homosexuals Anonymous Board members past and present,
without whose help and encouragement this ministry could not prosper;
to Jim P., Ivan L., and Nancy B.,
who graciously volunteered many hours to help me complete this workbook;
to the members of the Reading chapters of Homosexuals Anonymous,
whose experience, strength, and hope has enriched me beyond measure;
to the courageous men and women who are members of Homosexuals Anonymous,
who have committed their lives to the living God
and have determined to walk the road of freedom
until they grow up into Christ in all things;
this workbook is gratefully dedicated.
--John J., Reading, PA
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction1
Step 1 We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.
Step 2 We came to believe the love of God, Who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.
Step 3 We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, Who is able to bring good out of trouble.
Step 4 We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.
Step 5 We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.
Step 6 We learned to claim our true reality that, as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.
Step 7 We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.
Step 8 As forgiven people, free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility and contempt for the world.
Step 9 We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.
Step 10 We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.
Step 11 We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.
Step 12 We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.
Step 13 We sought, through confident praying and the wisdom of Scripture, for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.
Step 14 Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to people in homosexuality with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.
HOW TO USE THIS WORKBOOK
(PLEASE READ THIS!)
Why work a workbook?
Personal research helps us learn new ideas. Writing forces us to clarify our thoughts. Using a workbook involves research and writing to deepen our understanding.
What about a cover for my workbook?
This workbook was designed to fit a regular three-hole binder. Please purchase your own cover which will allow you to carry the workbook anywhere and have your anonymity protected. We recommend that you also purchase dividers and separate the workbook by steps to help you find your place quickly. You can also keep any additional material you have collected in your notebook behind the appropriate step. This should give you a wealth of material on recovery for your own use and to help others.
What will I need besides this workbook?
A pen or pencil and a Bible. Any standard version will do. If you have trouble understanding a verse, check it in a second translation.
How can I find a passage in the Bible?
To find Joshua 1:8, for example, look for Joshua in the "Table of Contents" in your Bible and turn to the page indicated. The number before the colon (:) indicates the chapter you want, in this case, chapter 1. The number after the colon indicates the verse sought, so look for verse 8 in chapter 1.
What if I have doubts?
This workbook uses the Bible to help us understand God and ourselves. Even if you have doubts about God, you can still find help from this study if you approach it with an open mind and a willing heart.
How do I answer the questions?
Write the verses, exactly as you find them in the Bible, in the space provided in the workbook. If a thought comes to you as you write the verse, jot it down in the margin next to the verse. It is more important that you make this workbook useful to you than that you make it neat. In the "Personal Response" section, summarize these verses and thoughts and apply them to your life. You may also wish to express your reaction (positive or negative) to them.
How much should I do at one time?
Work at your own pace. Perhaps one question in a section with its "personal response" a day might be comfortable for you. When you want to work more, do so. If you find the material difficult to understand or if it brings up painful emotions, work more slowly. At least do a little every day. As someone has said, "It is not how many times you have been through the Bible that matters, but how many times the Bible has been through you." Work at a pace that enables you to make these truths a part of your life (which is the only way they can help you) rather than rushing to get through this workbook.
Should I skip around?
Try to finish each Step in this workbook as completely as possible before going on. This includes doing the assignments under "How You Can Work This Step". Each Step is a vital link in the chain of recovery.
Can I get help with this material?
We encourage you to do so. We often come to a deeper understanding of ourselves through others and experience God's healing power through their acceptance, encouragement, and support. Ask one of the senior members of your HA chapter whom you respect and with whom you feel comfortable to be your step coach. Ask him/her to meet with you weekly to go over your work and answer any questions you have. If you are not near a chapter, perhaps you can meet regularly with one or more friends who will work this workbook with you.
Can our HA chapter do this workbook together?
By all means! (1) Have your coordinator collect money from and order workbooks for each member. Order several extra workbooks with money from your treasury and have them available for new members to purchase. (2) When the workbooks arrive, the moderator should assign the questions to be done for discussion at the next meeting. He/she must work ahead so they can assign enough questions to insure that everyone learns something and there can be a good discussion, but not so much material as to over-pressure members with more work than they can complete. (3) Encourage each new member to meet with a step coach between meetings for help with their study. (4) Ask each member to commit themselves to make a sincere effort to: (a) attend regularly ("bring the body and the mind will follow"); (b) do their homework, even is some of the material causes personal discomfort; (c) participate in the meeting and share openly and honestly to the best of their ability; (d) accept support and give it to others; (e) recognize their own limits and those of others; (f) realize that God does the healing through His Son by His Word and Spirit; (g) recognize that they must take personal responsibility for their own recovery in dependence on God's grace and strength; (h) make time each day for prayer and meditation on God's Word; (i) work the steps; (j) refrain from seeing themselves as victims but rather as persons working a program of recovery.
INTRODUCTION
I fought a lonely, losing battle with homosexuality for thirty-six years before I found that there is real hope and help.
My father wanted me, his firstborn, to be exactly like he was--strong, tough, a fighter, and a doctor. These were things God had not equipped me to be. I felt I was not what my father wanted and that he did not love me. So I put up a wall between us and missed the love I needed from my father to develop a healthy gender identity.
I first became aware of homosexual feelings when I was twelve, but I hid them from everyone but two friends with whom I was sexually involved during my teen years. At eighteen I became a Christian, and that stopped outward activity for over twenty years. It did not end the inner struggle. Neither did intense religious activity or marriage and children. Temptation persisted until a time of great stress in my late thirties when I felt I could fight no longer. Once I yielded, I could not stop no matter how hard I tried. The result was blackmail, exposure, the loss of my reputation and family, and an attempted suicide.
God is able to bring good out of trouble! As a result of my problems, I learned about Homosex- uals Anonymous and for the first time came in contact with well-founded hope and solid help. The 14 Steps of HA crystallized and concentrated biblical truth on my struggle so that homosex- ual activity ceased and the power of temptation lessened. There are no quick fixes or easy solutions. I still have times of struggle, but the Good Shepherd has found His wandering sheep, has me on His shoulder, and is carrying me home!
God's Word shows how this experience can be yours too. The Bible tells us how we can have God's enabling power in our lives so that we can follow His counsel and realize His promises. The 14 Steps are a guide to help us know God's strength in our struggles. They show us how God can change lives that were ineffectual and unhappy into lives that are joyful and fruitful.
1. Can the Bible show me how to find freedom?
Joshua 1:8
Some of us felt, "But I tried the Bible and it didn't work!" Something was missing. A know- ledge of the Bible is vital to recovery, but it is only when the truths of Scripture become part of the very core of our being that they do their transforming work. When Scripture is rooted in our very souls, immeasurable power is released!
"One day in 1945, Clarence W. Hall, a war correspondent following on the heels of our troops in Okinawa, came upon the tiny village of Shimabuku.
"It was an obscure little community of only a few hundred native Okinawans. Thirty years before, an American missionary on his way to Japan, had stopped here. He had not stayed long --just long enough to make a few converts, leave them a Bible, and pass on.
"One of the converts was Shosei Kina, the other...his brother Mojon. From the time of the missionary's visit they had seen no other missionary and had had no contact with any other Christian person. But in those thirty years Shosei Kina and his brother had made their New Testament come alive....
"Aflame with their discovery, they taught the other villagers until every man, woman and child in Shimabuku had become a Christian. Shosei Kina became head man in the village; his brother, Mojon, the chief teacher. In Mojon's school the Bible was read daily. To Shosei Kina's village government, its precepts were law. Under the impact of this book, pagan practices fell away. In their place...there had developed a Christian democracy at its purest.
"Then after thirty years came the American army, storming across the island. Little Shimabuku was directly in its path and took some severe shelling. When our advance patrols swept up to the village compound, the GIs, guns leveled, stopped dead in their tracks as two little old men stepped forth, bowed low and began to speak.
"An interpreter explained that the old men were welcoming them as fellow Christians. They remembered that their missionary had come from America. So, though these Americans seemed to approach things a little differently..., the two old men were overjoyed to see them.
"The GIs reaction was typical. Flabbergasted, they sent for the chaplain.
"The chaplain came, and with him the officers of the Intelligence Service. They toured the village and were astonished at what they saw--spotlessly clean homes and streets, poised and gentle villagers, a high level of health and happiness, intelligence and prosperity. They had seen many other villages on Okinawa--villages of unbelievable poverty and filth. Against these Shim- abuku shone like a diamond in a dung heap.
"Shosei Kina and his brother Mojon observed the American's amazement and took it for disap- pointment... They bowed humbly and said, 'We are sorry if we seem a backward people. We have, honored sirs, tried our best to follow the Bible and live like Jesus. Perhaps if you will show us how...'
"Hall relates that he strolled through Shimabuku one day with a tough old Army sergeant. As they walked the sergeant turned to him and whispered hoarsely, 'I can't figure it--this kind of people coming out of only a Bible and a couple of old guys who wanted to live like Jesus!' Then he added a penetrating observation: 'Maybe we've been using the wrong kind of weapons...'" [Richard Hall and Eugene P. Beitler, How To Read the Bible, p. 17-19]
Psalm 119:9
"This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 8]
"...At the very start we must make clear there are no quick cures.... I consistently warn against solutions that are more magic than miracle, and sow confusion in the hearts of hurting Christ- ians. I spend a disproportionate amount of counseling time trying to pick up the pieces of disillusioned Christians who have unsuccessfully tried some instant cure." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 20]
Psalm 119:11
"Meditation is the wing of the soul, which carrieth the affections thereof to things above.... Hereby we hold fast the things which we have learned, we awaken our faith, inflame our love, strengthen our hope, revive our desires, increase our joys in God, we furnish our hearts and fill our mouths with materials of prayer, we loosen our affections from the world, we pre-acquaint ourselves with those glories which we yet but hope for, and get some knowledge of that love of Christ which passeth knowledge. Meditation is the palate of the soul whereby we taste the goodness of God; the eye of the soul whereby we view the beauties of holiness; that...gymnasia whereby our spiritual senses are exercised... It is the key to the wine cellar, to the banqueting house, to the garden of spices, which letteth us in unto him whom our soul loveth; it is the arm whereby we embrace the promises at a distance, and bring Christ and our souls together." [Edward Reynolds, "The Epistle to the Reader," in Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. iv-v]
Psalm 119:105
"Psychology can help in diagnosis, but only God can cure. As a rule He does so through the Book." [Andrew W. Blackwood, Preaching From the Bible, p. 212]
"One of the chief obstacles to healing is our obsession with the immediate. The 'itch for the instantaneous' pervades much of our Christian thinking. We tend to think that unless a healing is immediate, it is not of God... We have become impatient and frustrated with things that take time." [David Seamands, Healing of Memories, p. 181]
Isaiah 8:20
Since the Word of God can do so much for us, it is not surprising that the enemy of our souls would try to turn us away from it. For this reason both Old and New Testaments are full of warnings against false prophets and false teachers.
"We are to receive nothing for truth but what is agreeable to the Word. As God has given to his ministers gifts for interpreting obscure places, so he has given to his people so much of the spirit of discerning, that they can tell (at least in things necessary to salvation) what is consonant to Scripture, and what is not.... We have this blessed Book of God to resolve all our doubts, to point out a way of life to us.... God having given us his written Word to be our directory takes away all excuses of men. No man can say, I went wrong for want of light; God has given thee his Word as a lamp to thy feet; therefore if thou goest wrong, thou dost it wilfully.... The Spirit of God acts regularly, it works in and by the Word; and he that pretends to a new light, which is either above the Word, or contrary to it, abuses both himself and the Spirit: his light is borrowed from him who transforms himself into an angel of light (Satan)." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 31-33]
"The biggest liar in the world is 'They Say.'" [Douglas Malloch quoted in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 13]
John 8:32
"People will go to a lot of trouble to learn French or physics or scuba diving. They have the patience to learn to operate a car but they won't be bothered learning how to operate them- selves." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 8]
"I'm thinking of several Christian young men who came seeking help for their struggles with homosexuality. There were hours of counseling, prayers for healing, and a long time of repro- gramming which included accountability and encouragement from a small support group. They are now happily married, with families, and God has given them a special ministry to others with the same problem." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 182]
II Timothy 3:16,17
"The Bible...is copyrighted in Heaven." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 22]
"Our minds are stuck in a rut, a pattern of thinking that is antagonistic to the will of God. Successful Christian living depends on getting out of that rut and establishing another one that is characterized by biblical values and ways of thinking." [Doug Moo, "Putting the Renewed Mind to Work," Renewing Your Mind in a Secular World , p. 145]
"We are where we are and what we are because of what has gone into our minds. We change where we are and what we are by changing what goes into our minds." [Zig Ziglar in A Treasury of Business Quotations, #213]
"...He that would get weeds destroyed must plant the ground with contrary seeds." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 155]
Personal Response
2. Will God help me understand His truth?
Psalm 25:8
"Men are unable to understand why time should be consumed in divine works.... Men.... demand immediate, tangible results. They ask, Where is the promise of His coming? They ask to be themselves made glorified saints in the twinkling of an eye. God's ways are not their ways, and it is a great trial to them that God will not walk in their ways. They love the earthquake and the fire. They cannot see the divine in 'a sound of gentle stillness,' and adjust themselves with difficulty to the lengthening perspective of God's gracious working.... These impatient souls....must at all costs have all that is coming to them at once." [B. B. Warfield, Perfectionism II, p. 561]
Psalm 32:8,9
"..A man was walking behind a gipsy woman and when they came to a place where the road divided, the gipsy woman threw her stick up into the air, and let it fall on the ground. Then she did it a second time; and a third time. By this time the gentleman had caught up with her, and, being curious, he enquired: 'Why do you throw your stick up into the air like that?' She replied, 'That is how I determine which way to go; I go whichever way the stick points.' 'But you threw it up three times,' he said, wondering why she had done so. 'Yes, I did!' she answered, 'for the silly thing would point that way, and I wanted to go this!'" [George Goodman, I Live Yet Not I, p. 84-85]
We may smile at the woman's folly, but are we any wiser when we do not let God rule, but only obey were God's commands agree with our wishes?
"I have found that many Christians rely more on their own ideas and feelings than they do on the Bible, especially when Scripture commands them to do difficult things. In particular, many people seem to believe they can be sure they are doing what is right if they pray and feel a sense of 'inner peace.' Nowhere does the Bible guarantee that a sense of peace is a sure sign that one is on the right course. Many people experience a sense of relief ('inner peace') even when they are on a sinful course, simply because they are getting away from stressful responsibilities. Conversely, doing what is right sometimes generates feelings other than peace, especially when we are required to obey difficult commands, die to our own desires, or put others' needs above our own. Since the Bible alone provides absolutely reliable guidance from God, it should always be our supreme source of truth and direction." [Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 229]
Personal Response
3. What should my attitude be for maximum benefit?
Psalm 86:11
We cannot walk in God's way unless He teaches us, but it is folly to ask Him to teach us unless we resolve to obey Him as He instructs us. To do that we need what the psalmist prayed for-- a heart united in reverence for God.
"He has known the misery of a divided heart, the affections and purpose of which are drawn in manifold directions, and are arrayed in conflict against each other. There is no peace nor blessedness, neither is any nobility of life possible, without whole-hearted devotion to one great object; and there is no object capable of evoking such devotion or worthy to receive it, except Him who is 'God alone.' Divided love is no love. It is 'all in all, or not at all.'... There is no tranquillity nor any power in lives frittered away on a thousand petty loves.... 'This one thing I do' is the motto of all who have done anything worthy." [Alexander Maclaren, "The Psalms," The Expositor's Bible III, p. 223]
Psalm 119:18
"It is one of the million wild jests of truth that we can know nothing until we know nothing." [G. K. Chesterton, Heretics, p. 65]
"...Dependence on the Holy Spirit to teach us will guard us against...placing too much confidence in ourselves, and failing to trust the Lord for needed understanding. Of course, dependence on the Holy Spirit does not mean that study is unnecessary. God may sometimes quickly give us understanding of a particular passage, while at other times we may have to study patiently for insight." [Robert L. Samms, How To Study the Bible, Part I, p. 16]
Personal Response
HOW YOU CAN WORK THE PROGRAM
1) You will note that each step begins with "we" rather than "I". Homosexuality springs from a broken relationship with our same-sex parent, and the recovery program in these steps will only be effective as you work it in relationship with others. If there is an HA chapter near you, attend regularly and work the steps with them. If no chapter is nearby, order the Homosexuals Anonymous Policy and Advisory Manual from the "HA Book Ministry" list under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" and start your own. If you can't do that, get two or three friends of the same sex who do not struggle with homosexuality to work this workbook with you (it will be a good Bible study for them). Ask them to encourage you in the recovery process and be accountable to them concerning your progress. Start your own chapter when your recovery is going well and continue to look to your friends for support as the chapter gets under way.
2) Watch the video: HA: The Path to Freedom listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend.
3) Read the brochures Can Homosexuals Change? and We're Finding Freedom listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend.
4) Read the material up to Step 1 in Experience, Strength and Hope listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Journal your responses and share what you have learned with someone in your chapter or a friend. Continue working in your workbook.
5) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 1
We admitted that we were powerless
over our homosexuality
and that our emotional lives
were unmanageable.
In Step 1 we acknowledge that homosexuality is a real problem to us and admit the power it has held over us. Thus we gain the humility we need to reach out to God and others for the help we must have if we are to experience the glorious liberty of the sons and daughters of God.
How long and cleverly we defended our right to wrong ourselves and others by denying that there was anything wrong at all. We deluded ourselves by claiming that there was nothing really wrong because we only engaged in homosexual activity once in a while when other people upset us. Some of us rationalized our behavior by saying, "I only engage in mutual masturbation, not intercourse, and that is not really homosexuality." Others maintained, "I don't have intercourse, just sexual intimacy without orgasm. How can that be wrong?" Some of us said we had no problem since we had never been sexual with anyone, ignoring the fact that homosexual desires, pornography, and masturbation ruled our lives.
We tried to quit. Failing that, we sought to cut down. We made promises and plans, but to no avail. We summoned up all our will-power, only to fail repeatedly. Many of us could not con- trol our outward behavior. The rest of us could not still the fierce war raging in our emotions. What we did not express with the body of another we did express with our own bodies in habit- ual masturbation to fantasy and pornography--leaving us guilty, ashamed, frightened, and hopeless. Our despair was so oppressive that some of us tried to take our own lives.
And so we faced the truth. Our pain and the hurt we were causing others was too real, too intense, to ignore. We were compelled to admit, "Something is desperately wrong. I have a real problem with homosexuality, and I cannot solve it by myself." Strangely, this admission of powerlessness was our first step to strength. Our confession of slavery started us on the road that leads to freedom!
1. What sexual activity was ordained by God?
Genesis 2:24
Human beings "alone...bear His likeness (see Gen. 1:27).... We must know God in order to know ourselves. God also tells us that to discover our true humanity, we must be known by the opposite sex.... When God determined to create a helper for Adam, no mere animal would do. The only adequate counterpart was one who would be similar enough to him to meet him on the inspired ground of his humanity, but unique enough to draw him out of his aloneness and fill in the empty places of his masculine soul. From Adam's rib God created Eve (see 2:21-23). And He built into each a yearning for the missing part within that the other possessed. Adam knew his maleness in the gaze of Eve's distinct femaleness, and vice versa.... That dynamic sense of dissimilarity and similarity drew them into an adventure of self-discovery.... Becoming 'one flesh' is a powerful symbol of this coming together.... United they complement one another, as well as create new life.... Thus the Genesis creation account reveals several key themes. First, God graces us with His image. We don't attain to the image; it's a gift of God. Second, the molding of the male and female reveals God's image. The complementarity of the two sexes reflects a fullness of being that same-sex union cannot reflect. Within that comple- mentarity, sexual yearning can be blessed." [Andrew Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness, p. 39-41]
"The prima facie sense of Genesis 2:24 is that one man is to be joined to one woman and that the two become one flesh..." [John Murray, Principles of Conduct, p. 29] "The sexual act is a sanctuary sacred to the man and his wife alone. For any person to invade that sanctuary but man and wife is a desecration that violates one of the elementary canons regulative of human life and behavior. It is for man with wife and wife with man exclusively, and this applies to homosexual as well as heterosexual aberration." [ibid., p. 80]
Dr. Stanton L. Jones, professor of psychology at Wheaton College, notes, "Each major person- ality theory in psychology today places sexuality in a different place in a person's life; some place it at a person's core while others place it on a person's periphery. None of the major theories asserts that the expression of genital erotic urges is essential to human well-being. Even Freudian theory, the most 'sexualized' of the theories, does not posit genital gratification to be essential to wholeness." [The Crisis of Homosexuality, p. 112] "There is no scientific evidence that people who do not experience regular genital sexual gratification, intercourse, are less well-adjusted than others. Such a position is clearly hostile to the whole of biblical revelation, where sexuality is viewed as a blessing given to every human being, and expression of that sexuality in the overt form of intercourse is reserved only for those who are married." [ibid., p. 170]
Personal Response
2. Did Jesus think that what God originally ordained should be weakened or abandoned in any way?
Matthew 19:4,5
"The biblical case against practicing homosexuality....rests primarily on the constant, pervasive biblical teaching that sex is a gift intended for the committed relationship of a man and a woman in life-long covenant. Never is there a hint anywhere in Scripture that God intended sex in any other relationship." [Ronald Sider, Completely Pro-Life, p. 114]
"A man may have sexual relations with a woman who is married to him; with a woman who is married to someone else; with a woman who is unmarried; or with another man. The Bible con- demns the last three--adultery, fornication, and homosexual practices--in no uncertain terms, and is equally definite in approving the first..." [Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love, p. 35]
Personal Response
3. Does the Bible teach that homosexuality is contrary to God's will?
In Genesis 1 and 2 we "discover God's initial creative intent--man as male and female. The fall distorts God's intent for human sexuality...and the law arises in response to this deviation... Finally, in the New Testament, the law appears as an agent of reconciliation...directing sinful man to Christ." [Andrew Comiskey, Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: Guide, p. 159-160]
Leviticus 18:22-24
These words made many of us angry because we thought God was being arbitrary like a parent who says, "You can't wear blue just because I don't like it." God is not arbitrary. God is love (I John 4:16). When He tells us not to walk in a certain way, it is because He knows that road will be deadly for some of us physically, destructive for all of us emotionally and spiritually.
Unfortunately, our instinctual sexual drive, which has been joined to deep emotional needs for love not met in our relationship with our same-sex parent when we were young, makes us like people lost in a snow storm. We have tried to fight our way out but are now so weary that the snow looks warm and inviting. If only we can lie down and go to sleep, all will be well. To do so feels good, but to do so is to die! And so our Father lovingly urges us not to give in, but to fight on, promising freedom to those who will trust Him.
Romans 1:26,27
Some of us were deeply troubled by these words. We thought God had somehow selected us for special condemnation. We failed to read these words in their context.
What the passage is saying is that all men are sinners who have turned away from the true God to things they chose to worship. God then let them do what they wanted to do. Some were given over to heterosexual sin (Romans 1:24,25); others (made vulnerable by unmet same-sex, parent-child needs from childhood) to homosexual sin (Romans 1:26,27); others to other sins (Romans 1:28-31). "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We are all worthy of death (Romans 1:32)! All of us are in the same boat! We only sit on different planks!
Further, God tells us we are sinners to show us our need of the forgiveness (Romans 3:21-5:21) and freedom (Romans 6:1-8:39) for which Christ died. Romans 1:26,27 was not written to harm us, but to bring us to Christ. It is motivated by a love which sacrificed everything for us and is written that we might enjoy the blessings of that sacrifice.
The words that so frightened us, "God gave them up," only mean that "...God allowed them to go their own way in order that they might at last learn from their consequent wretchedness to hate the futility of a life turned away from the truth of God. ...Paul's meaning is neither that these men fell out of the hands of God...nor that God washed His hands of them; but rather that this delivering them up was a deliberate act of judgment and mercy on the part of the God who smites in order to heal (Isa 19.22), and that throughout the time of their God-forsakenness God is still concerned with them and dealing with them." [C. E. B. Cranfield, "A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans," International Critical Commentary I, p. 110]
"Sometimes God seeks us by letting us go. Letting us go our own way and allowing us to suffer the inevitable consequences of that way in the hope that our suffering will bring us back to Him." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 195]
I Corinthians 6:9-11
These words, which at first seemed so threatening, became some of the sweetest words in the Bible as we understood them better. True, they mention active and passive homosexuality among the sins which, if not repented of, bar people from the Kingdom of God. They do not list them first, as if they are the worst of sins; nor do they mention them last as if they are unspeakable. They are listed in the middle of this catalogue along with sins like greed and slander--no better, but no worse than the other misdeeds. And those words, "and such were some of you" told us that some early believers had struggled with homosexuality and had found forgiveness and freedom! Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Therefore the One who delivered them can also forgive and free us! We have solid hope drawn from God's own Word!
Personal Response
4. What is one reason God gave commandments in the Bible?
Deuteronomy 6:24
"God commandeth us a course of duty or right action...that we may be happy in his love.... His very law is a gift and a great benefit.... Holiness is happiness, in a great part." [Richard Baxter in Ernest Kevan, The Grace of Law, p. 62]
Deuteronomy 10:12,13
"The 'do's and don'ts' are there only to guide us toward a better, happier life. Just as an owner's manual advises you not to put water in your gas tank,...the Bible instructs us to do certain things and refrain from...others because God knows the ULTIMATE OUTCOME of all our actions.... And just as you might be able to operate your car for quite a while without an oil change and not discern any appreciable difference..., further down the road the internal damage caused by your neglect will reveal itself.... Look where you are now. Look at your gay friends. Are they anywhere close to where you want to be? Just as the car whose buyer neglects to heed the owner's manual will eventually fall apart, so will the person who neglects the wisdom in the Word of God." [J. A. Konrad, You Don't Have To Be Gay, p. 170-171]
Psalm 119:1
"All men would be happy, but few take the right way; God has here laid before us the right way, which we may be sure will end in happiness, though it be strait and narrow. Blessednesses are to the righteous..." [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible III, p. 685]
Proverbs 8:36
"To say a man might disobey and be none the worse would be to say that no might be yes and light sometimes darkness." [George MacDonald: 365 Readings, p. 94]
"...Temporary relief...can lead to permanent misery." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 56]
Jeremiah 32:39
'"Well Jack,' said one who met a man who had" recently become a Christian, "'I hear you have given up all your pleasures.' 'No, no' said Jack, 'the fact lies the other way. I have just found all my pleasures, and I have only given up my follies.'" [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXVII, (1891), p. 64]
Matthew 6:33
"Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness." [George Orwell in The Portable Curmudgeon, p. 133]
"...'Seek' carries the meaning of seeking earnestly, seeking intensely, living for it. And He ...enforces it by adding... 'first'.... That means...principally, above everything else; give that priority.... Many Christian people miss so many blessings...because they do not seek God diligently." [D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, The Sermon on the Mount II, p. 143]
"Because of our addictions, we simply cannot--on our own--keep the great commandments. Most of us have tried, again and again, and failed. Some of us have even recognized that these commandments are really our own deepest desires. We have tried to dedicate our lives to them, but still we fail. I think our failure is necessary, for it is in failure and helplessness that we can most honestly and completely turn to grace. Grace is our only hope for dealing with addiction, the only power that can truly vanquish its destructiveness." [Gerald May, Addiction and Grace, p. 16]
Personal Response
5. Where do homosexual temptations come from?
James 1:13-15
We must not blame God for our homosexual temptations, shaking our fists in His face and screaming, "Why have you made me this way?". God has not made us this way! We must admit that the problem is our own. It comes from within us as a result of a failed relationship with our same-sex parent and our defensive detachment from him or her. Once we acknowledge this truth, we can bring the resources of grace to bear on our struggle and begin our journey to freedom. Until then, we are doomed to remain stuck in our homosexuality.
Personal Response
6. Can I overcome homosexuality myself?
Jeremiah 13:23
"...Can the Ethopian change his skin, which is by nature black, or the leopard his spots, which are even woven into the skin?... Sin is the blackness of the soul, the deformity of it; it is its spot, the discoloring of it; it is natural to us, we were shapen in it, so that we cannot get clear of it by any power of our own. But there is an almighty grace..." [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 496]
"...The new sexual addiction groups...all begin with the first step of AA...--that I must...realize this is something that's taken over my life and I'm powerless. That has a direct parallel in our evangelical theology: 'Nothing in my hand I bring...helpless come to thee for grace.' Evangeli- calism is a theology of powerlessness.... We haven't always been...consistent in applying it, but those of us who sat through all those altar calls are no strangers to the admonition that if we think we can do something about our basic brokenness...we're on the wrong track. Spurgeon once said that if he told people to crawl back and forth from here to Rome on their hands and knees they would want to do it; but the hardest advice to take is that there is nothing you can do. That is what the...addiction models are picking up on.... It is a move toward the gospel rather than away from it." [Richard Mouw, "The Life of Bondage in the Light of Grace: An Interview," Christianity Today, (December 9, 1988), p. 44]
Romans 5:6
"After many years of pastoral ministry in which it has been my privilege to counsel people of varying races and cultures, I have come to a strong conclusion that the last thing we humans surrender to God is an admission of our helplessness to save ourselves." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 112]
Personal Response
7. Does being a Christian enable me to overcome homosexuality by myself?
Romans 7:19
"'Lord,' said Augustine, 'deliver me from my worst enemy, that wicked man--myself.'" [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit X, 1864, p. 409]
"Experts speculate that as much as ten percent of the total Christian population is sexually addicted." [Mark R. Laaser, The Secret Sin, p. 15] "A Leadership magazine survey revealed that twenty-three percent of the three hundred pastors who responded had done something sexually inappropriate with someone other than their spouse." [ibid., p. 63] "Our research indicates that probably no church of over 200 members is without its homosexual constituency." [Paul Morris, Shadow of Sodom, p. 26]
"Sin keeps house with us whether we will or not; the best saint alive is troubled with inmates; though he forsakes his sins, yet his sins will not forsake him." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 27]
"The three things which we must insist on if we would share Paul's view are: first, that to grace always belongs the initiative--it is grace that works the change: secondly, that to grace always belongs the victory--grace is infinite power: and thirdly, that the working of grace is by process, and therefore reveals itself at any given point of observation as conflict.... The sanctifying action of the Spirit terminates on us, not merely on our activities; under it not only our actions but we are made holy. Only, this takes time; and therefore at no point short of its completion are either our acts or we 'perfect.'" [B. B. Warfield, Perfectionism II, p. 584]
Galatians 5:17
"Anselm, seeing a little boy playing with a bird, he let her fly up, and presently pulls the bird down again by a string: so, saith he, it is with me...; when I would fly up to heaven upon the wings of meditation, I find a string tied to my leg; I am overcome with corruption..." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 28]
"Flesh and Spirit...are opposites. They pull in opposite directions, 'that you may not do the things you wish' (5:17). Luther recalling Romans 7--'The good I would, I do not; the evil that I would not, that I practice'--took this to mean, 'that you may not do the good things you wish to do.' You will never shake off the flesh; you will never be able to move smoothly ahead, achieving all the good things you mean to do. This is true, but it is not the whole truth. 'The things you wish to do', you being the man that you are, may well be bad things; and the Spirit is at work to prevent you from doing them. The result is...a mixture of good and evil..." [C. K. Barrett, Freedom & Spirit, p. 76]
"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven", and given grace to grow up into Christ bit-by-bit, day-by-day, in all things (Ephesians 4:15).
Personal Response
8. What about my own intelligence and determination?
Admitting powerlessness was a terrifying step for many of us--one we resisted strenuously. To admit powerlessness meant that we had to acknowledge that all our efforts at control were ineffective, but to abandon them seemed to invite chaos into our lives. What would be left to us if we let go of all our elaborate systems of control? Who would control us if we could not control ourselves? To admit powerlessness made us feel like fools and failures, and some of us had spent years trying to become strong to compensate for deep feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. To admit powerlessness meant that we had to trust others to help us, and many of us found tremendous difficulty trusting anyone because of unresolved childhood hurts. To admit that we were powerlessness was to admit our need of God, and many of us did not really want Him in our lives. So we continued our futile struggling.
Proverbs 3:5,6
"We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God's tasks. This is a law of grace. When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in our own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment. But alas, this is a secret we often fail to discover." [John Owen, Sin and Temptation, p. 99]
Jeremiah 10:23
"Charlotte Eliza Kasl says, 'Addiction is, essentially, a spiritual breakdown, a journey away from the truth into emotional blindness and death.'... As the thinking and the behavior of the addict moves further and further away from reality, thinking processes become impaired.... Sexual addicts become progressively dishonest, self-centered, isolated, fearful, confused, devoid of feelings, dualistic, controlling, perfectionistic, blinded to their disease (denial), insane, blaming (projection), and dysfunctional. In short, their lives become progressively unmanage- able." [Anne Wilson Schaff, Escape From Intimacy, p. 10-11]
"We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves." [Eric Hoffer in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 311]
John 15:5
I am "a branch intimately and vitally joined to the vine--not just tacked on to the vine, but actually a part of it. ...Just as the life of that vine flows naturally into the branch, so the life of Jesus Christ flows naturally into me.... But the analogies of the branch on the vine and the members of the body should not be pressed so far as to give the impression that we are passive in our union with Christ. Jesus told us...to remain, or to abide, in Him.... We must renounce all confidence in our own wisdom, power, and merit, instead looking entirely to Christ for what we need to live the Christian life. But what makes the looking to Him effective and fruitful is the fundamental fact that we are in Him.... That is what God has done in calling us into fellow- ship with His Son Jesus Christ. He has brought us into a vital relationship with Christ that is as intimate as the relationship of the branch to the vine and the body to the head. He has made us to share in the very life of Christ Himself." [Jerry Bridges, The Crisis of Caring, p. 32-33]
Personal Response
9. Can I depend solely on the wisdom of men to gain freedom from homosexuality?
Psalm 1:1-3
Some of us were thoroughly confused because we had chosen to listen to people in the lifestyle, instead of to God. For a while, all seemed well. Then the pain, which inevitably comes from walking in ways contrary to God's will, overwhelmed us. At first, shame kept us from reaching out to God. Fortunately, the hurt got so bad that we finally said, "I will arise and go to my Father."
Psalm 118:8
"Behavioral psychologist Joseph Wolpe was faced with a religious client who felt guilty about his homosexuality. Wolpe had to decide which behavior to extinguish--the homosexuality or the religious guilt. Rather than try to change the homosexuality, he chose to ameliorate the guilt... Psychology claims to work from a 'value-free' philosophy. However, decisions such as this-- to eliminate religious guilt--are in fact being made from another value hierarchy of the therapist's choosing.... Two interesting notes on this case: first, Wolpe said he made his decision based upon the belief that homosexuality was biologically determined. Second, the client later discovered heterosexual attraction on his own after undergoing assertion training, and married. Wolpe considered him to be cured of homosexuality." [Joseph Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, p. 15-16]
Proverbs 12:15
While there are people the Bible warns us not to listen to, there are others the Bible encourages us to heed. Many of us were too proud or too frightened to seek outside help, and so continued to suffer until, in desperation, we overcame our fears, swallowed our pride, and reached out to those who could offer godly help.
Proverbs 15:22
"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." [Edgar Allen Poe in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 71]
Jeremiah 17:5-8
Some of us, passive by nature, were ready to swallow anything we were told without responsible evaluation. All men are finite, and even the wisest and best can err; and, as sinners, men distort or even deny the truth. The Bible is God's touchstone by which we must test the teachings of men.
And even when men teach the truth, they cannot give us the strength to practice it. The Spirit of God must give us power if we are to live the truth we know. We should learn from others, but we must depend on God!
Acts 17:11
"In our present fallen condition it is impossible to...(think out) a standard of duty which shall be warped by none of our prejudices, distorted by none of our passions, and corrupted by none of our habits.... It is only of the law of the Lord as contained in the Scriptures that we can justly say, It is perfect.: [James Henley Thornwell, Collected Writings II, p. 457]
I John 4:1
"Everything in the railway service depends upon the accuracy of the signals. When these are wrong, life will be sacrificed. On the road to heaven we need unerring signals, or the catas- trophes will be far more terrible." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXVI, (1890), p. 167]
Personal Response
10. Where can I turn for real help with homosexuality?
Isaiah 55:6
"Seek...him...as your oracle. Ask the law at his mouth. What wilt thou have me to do? Seek...him...as your portion and happiness; seek to be reconciled to him and acquainted with him, and to be happy in his favor. Be sorry that you have lost him; be solicitous to find him; take the appointed method of finding him, making use of Christ as your way, the Spirit as your guide, and the word as your rule.... It is implied that now God is near and will be found, so that it shall not be in vain to seek him... Now his patience is waiting on us, his word is calling to us, and his Spirit is striving with us.... But...there is a day coming when he will be afar off, and will not be found, when the day of his patience is over, and his Spirit will strive no more. There may come such a time in this life, when the heart is incurably hardened; it is certain that at death and judgment the door will be shut, Luke xvi.26; xiii.25,26." [Matthew Henry, Com- mentary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 319]
John 8:34
"The sinner thinks sin is his tool, but he himself is the tool of sin. Sin obtains the mastery of his affections and will, and when the galling chains are felt, and efforts made to break through them, the awful tyranny is realized." [George Reith, The Gospel According to St. John II, p. 17]
"Servitude degrades people to such a point that they come to like it." [Luc de Clapiers in A Treasury of Business Quotations, # 507]
"Men rattle their chains to show that they are free." [Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 109]
John 8:36
"To deliver men from this bondage is the grand object of the Gospel. To awaken people to a sense of their degradation, to show them their chains, to make them arise and struggle to be free,--this is the great end for which Christ sent forth His ministers." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels I, p. 540]
"The Son of God makes free all who believe on Him, by delivering the conscience from the sense of guilt, and the will from the power of sin.... Jesus has gained for us the son's footing in the Father's house by His merits. He has also put the son's heart into us by His Spirit. Con- fidence toward God, joy of access, assurance, and deliverance from the love and power of sin, all follow this twofold work of Christ for us and in us." [George Reith, The Gospel According to St. John II, p. 17-18]
"The Son makes you free (v. 36), so trust Him and follow Him. His truth makes you free (v. 32), so study it, believe it, and obey it. Satan imposes slavery that seems like freedom (2 Pet. 2:19); Jesus gives you a yoke that sets you free (Matt. 11:28-30)." [Warren W. Wiersbe, With the Word, p. 694]
Romans 8:2
It has been asked how the same man can, at the same time, be both "sold under sin" (Romans 7:14b) and "free from the law of sin and death" (Romans 8:2)? "Both...are indeed true of the Christian life, and neither is to be watered down or explained away. While the Christian never in this life escapes entirely from the hold of...sin, so that even the best things he does are always marred by its corruption, and any impression of having attained a perfect freedom is but an illusion...., the believer is no longer an unresisting, or only ineffectually resisting, slave, nor is he one who fondly imagines that his bondage is emancipation. In him a constraint...stronger than that of sin is...at work, which both gives him an inner freedom...and enables him to revolt against the usurper sin with a real measure of effectiveness. He has received the gift of the freedom to fight back manfully." [C. E. B. Cranfield, "A Critical and Exegetical Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans," The International Critical Commentary I, p. 377-378]
II Corinthians 3:5
"Addiction can be, and often is, the thing that brings us to our knees.... Addiction teaches us not to be too proud, Sooner or later, addiction will prove to us that we are not gods." [Gerald May, Addiction and Grace, p. 20]
"The spiritual life which I have is not my own. I did not induce it, and I cannot maintain it. It is only and solely the work of Christ. It is not I who live, but Christ lives in me. My whole life is His alone." [John Owen, Sin and Temptation, p. 83]
II Corinthians 12:7-10
Recovery "is an experience of being changed by a loving supportive God who knows what we need and helps us through our pain to see and give up our...selfish agendas and surrender to his.... At times we are excited and delighted witnesses to our...transformation. At other times we are immersed in pain and discouragement at the slow pace of change, but with less and less fear of such pain and more and more confidence that we will emerge on the other side of it in a better place, closer to God. ...The steps are most effective when taken in the context of...:
1. Attending...step meetings
2. Reading certain material
3. Praying and meditating
4. Accepting guidance from a sponsor (step coach) through the process of 'working the steps'
5. Giving away what one is finding."
[J. Keith Miller, A Hunger for Healing, p. 8]
Personal Response
11. Will I need the help of others as well?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
"A partial solution to the sorrows of the lonely is found in the blessings of companionship. The central point made in v.9 is expanded in vv.10-12a with three illustrations; v.12b extends the principle further. Possibly all three illustrations are taken from the risks of travel; pits and ravines along the way (10), cold nights (11) and wayside marauders (12a). They highlight the blessings of companionship in error or mishap (10), adversity (11) or hostility (12a).... The move from two to three may...be a hint that there is nothing sacrosanct about the pair and that companionship may operate within larger numbers.... In some realms progress may be measured by increasing independence; in this realm spiritual stature is measured by growing interdependence." [Michael Eaton, "Ecclesiastes: An Introduction and Commentary," Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries, p. 94-95]
"God has made no provision in the Bible for isolation. Scripture expressions all show a contrary state of things:-- We are
'branches' in the vine,
'members' in the body,
'stones' in the temple,
'brothers and sisters' in the family..."
[D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 141]
I Thessalonians 5:11
"Recovery from addiction is the reversal of the alienation that is integral to the addiction. Addicts must establish roots in a caring community. With that support, addicts can stay straight as they struggle with a perspective for their lives." [Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows, p. 19]
Dr. Earl Henslin warns, "We are not made to do recovery alone. Yet it's especially tempting for those of us who are Christians to do everything we can to keep our problems to ourselves. Often Christians say, 'Jesus is my support group. I share my problems with Him.' Sharing our problems with Jesus is a good first step.... But it is also important that we feel the reality of Christ's care through relationship with other people who struggle with similar issues. Just as Jesus moved toward His heavenly Father and His friends when He was in Gethsemane, so also we need to move toward God and others." [The Way Out of the Wilderness, p. 137-137] He states, "...The primary way healing and change occur is through a support group..." [ibid., p. 127] "...I don't mean attending an occasional meeting. I mean...attending on a regular, weekly basis. This is a scary step. Many times a person will attend one support-group meeting, find something wrong with it, and write off all support groups.... The individual finds it easier to see flaws in the support group than to work through the pain and flaws in his or her life." [ibid., p. 146]
Drs. Ralph Earle and Gregory Crow write, "One of our patients came up to us after a group meeting recently and complained, 'I must not be getting much out of these groups. I'm always in turmoil when I leave.' ...This patient wanted recovery to be a comfortable experience. But we told him, and now tell you, 'That's the point of recovery programs.... Most (sexual addicts) need a thorn in the side, the voices of self-help groups or therapists, to keep them moving toward recovery and to prevent them from returning to their old ways of thinking and behav- ing.'" [Lonely All the Time, p. 212]
II Timothy 2:22
Jeffrey Keefe, who received his doctorate in clinical psychology from Fordham University, said: "In my judgment, Homosexuals Anonymous...provides the most effective program, because it combines needed group support which in turn fosters self-acceptance and self-insight, with the spiritual dimension essential for any radical change. Individual therapy may be needed to supplement group therapy." [in John Harvey, The Homosexual Person, p. 76]
David Neff, senior associate editor of Christianity Today, writes, "For those who wish to conquer their addiction and turn away from a homosexual orientation, there is Homosexuals Anonymous." [The Crisis of Homosexuality, p. 98]
Personal Response
12. What might keep me from getting the help I need?
Jeremiah 17:9
Dr. Arnold Washton and Donna Boundy write, "...The four cardinal signs of addiction" are: (I) obsession; (II) negative consequences; (III) a lack of control; and (IV) denial "(1) that the ...activity is a problem they can't control and (2) that the negative consequences have any connection whatsoever to the...activity." [Willpower's Not Enough, p. 21-27]
"Clancy I., a well-known AA speaker from southern California, runs a mission for skid-row alcoholics in Los Angeles. He tells stories of holding many of them in his arms as they die from their alcoholism. And as they die, they protest, 'It wasn't the booze...'" [William Crisman, The Opposite of Everything Is True, p. 20]
Crisman describes his own experience. "...The use of booze and drugs was killing me... And even though I could rationally see that fact, I could not believe it because my gut told me that my survival depended on continuing to use the stuff. And the more dependent I became, the more I believed my gut." [ibid., p. 22]
John 9:40,41
"The healing of the blind man (in John 9) is presented as a parable of spiritual illumination. Thanks to the coming of the true light into the world, many who were formerly in darkness have been enlightened... But...some who thought they had no need of the enlightenment he brought ...turned their backs on him and, without realizing it, moved into deeper darkness.... Had they acknowledged their spiritual blindness and allowed him to remove it, they would have been blessed. Had they lived in darkness and found no way out into the light, their plight would have been sad but no blame would have attached to them. Blame did attach to those who, while liv-ing in darkness, claimed to be able to see... To be so self-deceived as to shut one's eyes to the light is a desperate state to be in: the light is there, but if people...reject it, how can they be enlightened? As Jesus said, their sin remains." [F. F. Bruce, The Gospel of John, p. 220-221]
Hebrews 3:13
"Many people have difficulty admitting...that any part of their lives has become unmanageable. We tend to think--perhaps because we like to think--that we are in control of everything." [Abraham Twerski, Waking Up Just In Time, p. 13] "The refusal to recognize that things have gotten out of control is called denial. Denial is not the same as lying, because in denial the person actually believes in his own distortion of reality." [ibid., p. 18] "Here is a good rule of thumb: If something causes a problem, it is a problem. Making believe that it is not will only allow the problem to continue." [ibid, p. 19-20]
Reviewing Nicholas von Hoffman's biography of the late Roy Cohn, Newsweek noted, "Cohn's homosexuality entered the public domain only after he died of AIDS in 1986. Cohn denied it to Mike Wallace on '60 Minutes' a few months before he died. von Hoffman....portrays Cohn travelling in a limo, accompanied by his current boy-friend, to deliver an address against gay rights before a 'Save the family' organization. This wasn't simple hypocrisy, von Hoffman suggests. He believes Cohn adhered to an earlier definition of (homosexuals)...as men who behaved effeminately. He didn't. Therefore he wasn't. In a stammering interview with Ken Auletta in the 70's, Cohn said, 'Every facet of my personality, of my, ah, aggressiveness, of my toughness, of everything along those lines, is just totally, I suppose, incompatible with anything like that...' Yet Cohn was extravagantly promiscuous, hiring male hookers almost nightly at $100 a shot." [Newsweek, (April 4, 1988), p. 69]
"When reality tries to tell you something, listen!" [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 14]
I John 1:8
"Did you ever watch babies put their hands over their eyes to hide from you? Infants think that when they cannot see you, you cannot see them... Like other forms of infantile thinking, this sometimes persists into adult life. There are people who believe that when they are oblivious to something, it simply does not exist." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 18]
Revelation 3:17
Consider the great Judy Garland (1922-1969). A fantastic singer, superb actress, star of stage, screen, and television, she could totally captivate an audience. She had everything people think will make them happy: talent, success, applause, money; she tried everything the world sug- gested to find happiness: parties, booze, drugs, sex (she had five husbands). And yet she was a tragic figure.
"Judy was still in her teens when she began being plagued by a weight problem. In an effort to contain her tendency to gain pounds, the studio put her on a strict diet and a doctor recom- mended pills. At the time, the strain of work began taking its toll on her nervous system, and before long she was living on pills; pills to put her to sleep, pills to keep her awake, and pills to suppress her appetite. By the time she was 21 she was seeing a psychiatrist regularly.... The news Judy made in the late 50s involved lawsuits, counterlawsuits, nervous breakdowns, suicide attempts..." [Ephriam Katz, The Film Encyclopedia, p. 467-468]
Her last husband, Mickey Deans, said she was "frightened, guilt ridden" "afraid of the dark, afraid of sleep, afraid of death" [Look, (October 7, 1969), p. 85]. Newsweek described her as "...the bruised and vulnerable woman of 47 who struggled to the other side of the rainbow and found nothing there" [Newsweek, (July 7, 1969), p. 19]
She was so unhappy she repeatedly attempted suicide. Her last husband said, "She must have tried it at least 20 times while we were married.... Someone had to be there every minute. We never dared to leave her alone" [Life, (July 11, 1969), p. 27]. But one night, when he fell asleep, she crept into the bathroom and took an overdose of sleeping pills.
And yet help was offered to her. British actress Joan Winmill Brown tells of a meeting at Debbie Reynolds' home. She writes, "I heard the door open and Judy Garland stood there. To see her face was quite a shock to me. Her eyes betrayed the years of agony she had gone through.... She hesitated and then began to walk toward the couch where I was sitting. I moved over, and she sat down next to me. Whispering introductions, we then turned our atten- tion to Billy Graham and listened as he told of God's inestimable love.
"Suddenly Billy turned to me and said, 'Joan, why don't you tell what has happened in your life?' All faces turned towards me. Judy looked at me and smiled that beautiful smile as if in encouragement.
"I began to tell of my innermost fears and longings, my breakdowns, and then my contemplated suicide. I told how the Lord had come in and given me hope where there had been nothing but despair, and how I was assured of His love in my life. After I finished speaking there was complete silence.
"Then I felt a hand on my arm. It was Judy's. 'That was beautiful, darling. But you see--you had a need. I don't have any need." [Joan Winmill Brown, No Longer Alone, p. 124]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 1
I was always afraid to admit powerlessness over my homosexuality because I thought that to do so would mean the struggle was hopeless. If I could not bring my homosexuality under control, I felt I was doomed to its being forever out of control.
"But what about God?" you might ask. "Couldn't you go to Him for grace to help in time of need?" I tried. I accepted Christ, prayed, read my Bible, fasted, sought the fullness of the Spirit, went into Christian work, went to seminary, married--tried, yet there was no deliverance from lust and masturbation and, under heavy stress, I began acting out. And once I started there seemed to be no stopping.
Once, when one of the fellows I was involved with threatened to expose me, I determined to summon all my strength, seek God with all my heart, and stop. To continue in homosexuality was to risk my reputation, my job, my family, my very sanity! Yet despite my resolves and my prayers, I was back with the very same person in less than two weeks! On another occasion I saw a picture of another person with whom I had been involved a year after he had gone out of my life and burst into uncontrollable weeping from the pain of longing--longing for love, but a longing that was all mixed up with illicit sex.
And so I felt that God would not help me. I was sure that He was disgusted with me and, if I could not help myself, there was no help.
I was wrong, of course. The problem was not with God. My sin did not dim His love. My guilt was not too great for Christ's blood and righteousness. I was right to turn to Him, but wrong in my expectations of Him.
I expected God to deliver me all at once. He was waiting to heal me over time. This was not to torment me, but to teach me, to enable me to learn lessons about God, myself, and others which are enriching me immeasurably.
I expected God to deliver me without anyone else--just the two of us. He wanted to deliver me through His people. My problem is relational. It's a result of pulling away from my father and, later on, others. Its solution is relational. I must learn to reach out to others.
I was demanding a miracle. God wanted to use means--means that would fill the hunger for love left from my childhood failure to relate to my father.
To admit powerlessness is not, of course, a once-and-for-all act. It is a daily decision to reach out to God and to others when lonely, frightened, stressed, hurting, in need. When I follow God's will and reach out, I stand. When I forget, and draw back, doing things in my old way, I fall.
No one should expect this life to be easy. Everyone faces problems which sometimes over-whelm, but you need not face your struggles alone. God and His people are here for you. Begin reaching out. Why not today?
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 1
1) Order the brochure The Step Coach listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" in the "HA Book Ministry" list and, after you have read it, ask one of the senior members in your chapter to be your step coach. If you have no chapter, find a friend who will work this workbook with you and encourage you as you work the steps. Make yourself accountable to them for your progress.
2) In your journal, write out as many examples of powerlessness and emotional unmanage- ability as a result of your struggle with homosexuality as you can remember. Discuss your findings with your step coach.
3) List something you can do this week to reach out in a new way to God or to another human being. Share your decision with your step coach and ask him or her to monitor your progress.
4) Listen to the tape Power for Powerlessness and read the brochures Reach Out amd Power for the Powerless listed under "STEP 1" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the material in Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 2 while continuing to work in your workbook. Journal what you learn and share your findings with your step coach.
5) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
I can not do it alone;
The waves run fast and high,
And the fogs close chill around,
And the light goes out in the sky;
But I know that we two shall win
in the end--
Jesus and I.
I can not row it myself,
My boat on the raging sea;
But beside me sits Another,
Who pulls or steers with me;
And I know that we two shall come
into port--
His child and He.
Coward and wayward and weak,
I change with the changing sky,
Today so eager and brave,
Tomorrow not caring to try;
But He never gives in, so we two
shall win--
Jesus and I.
--The late Dan Crawford
Missionary to Africa STEP 2
We came to believe the love of God,
who forgave us and accepted us
in spite of all that we are and have done.
In Step 1 we faced our helplessness. We confessed that homosexuality was more than we could handle alone. In Step 2 we see our hope. Step 2 tells us of a loving and forgiving Father who will meet the unmet needs which cause our struggle.
Step 2 does not say "instantly believed" or even "enthusiastically believed". It says "came to believe" implying that faith did not come easily for many of us. Why is belief so difficult for some?
Our first and most influential ideas about God come from our early relationship with our parents. Unfortunately, many of us did not get on too well with our folks and so formed a mental image of God as Someone who does not really care, who is distant, demanding, always disapproving, harsh, angry, cold, indifferent, rejecting.
This is often compounded by unhappy experiences with people in church who we thought cor- rectly represented God. Some of us shared our struggle with a Christian who turned away from us. We concluded (wrongly) that if they despised us, God must also hold us in contempt.
Some of us were angry with God. We had asked Him repeatedly for help with our struggle, but nothing happened. Why was He so silent? Had He walked out on us? Did He care? Why did He leave us to struggle alone? Why had He not helped? These angry questions raised disturb- ing doubts in our minds and drove some of us not only to question God's love, but to deny His existence.
A number of us really hated ourselves because of what we had been doing and thinking. The guilt and shame we felt deluded us into thinking that God must hate us at least as much as we despised ourselves. So, for many of us, thoughts of God were most unwelcome, bringing only feelings of fear and condemnation.
If you find thoughts of God difficult, please remember, "The only requirement for HA member- ship is a desire to be free from homosexuality." We are not here to cram our beliefs down your throat, but to share with you what has helped us. The struggle with homosexuality will be more difficult in some ways than any you have met before. You will have to deal, not simply with outward actions or even inner thoughts, but with feelings that live at the very core of your existence. In this struggle, we have to find out who we are. We cannot trust our feelings or thinking because our past has distorted them. We cannot trust friends who share our distortions. Who can we trust? Who will gently show us who we are? We have found that only God can help here.
And God does help. We have learned this from our experience and, if you continue with us, you will see Him at work in some of our lives.
Gamaliel Bradford has been called "the wistful agnostic." A pioneer in psychological biography, he was mightily impressed by his research into the lives of men and women who had become real Christians. Perhaps you can accept his testimony. Speaking of the incontrovertible evidence of the transformation wrought by Christ in human lives, he wrote: "What this added power, which comes through Christ and the acceptance of salvation through Him, may be or may mean is another question. You may explain it psychologically however you please. There can be no question as to the fact. Men who have been hopelessly possessed by the devil of drink, have accepted Christ, and have flung drink behind them forever. Men who have found the sexual burden as impossible to throw off as it was intolerable to bear, have gone to Christ for help, have filled their lives with Christ, and then have looked back with wonder and pity at their former slavery." [Life and I, p. 213]
All this may be frightening to you. Just remember, you don't have to believe a thing we say to be welcomed and cared for. You are loved for your courage in entering this struggle. Bear with us. Keep open and honest. Dare to experiment. Try to have an open mind. Work those parts of the program you are ready for, leaving the others for later. If you cannot work on your relationship with God now, work on your relationship with others. God is wonderfully patient and He does understand. Do your best. Keep in touch. And easy does it! One day at a time!
1. Might I have distorted ideas of God?
Psalm 50:21
"Our concept of God propels us forward or it holds us back. Where did we get our idea of God? Our parent tapes and early religious instructions, our experiences, our imaginations, and even our programmed reactions to authority figures helped forge our concept of God.... We project impatience into God. We imagine God turning away from us. We think a thousand things that could never be. The fact is this: God is love, according to the Scriptures." [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 138]
Isaiah 40:28
"There are many of us who really expect God to be silent and distant. Occasionally we throw our prayers and gifts over the high wall that separates us from God. We hope that he hears, but we do not expect an answer." [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 134]
John 16:1-3
"One day I heard a new man in the program talking to an old-timer...., "No way I'm going to turn my life over to God! He'd ruin me--and I'd deserve it.' He went on to say that for him God was a giant policeman, and the man's life had been such that his experience with the police was not at all positive. The old-timer...said, 'You ought to fire that God..! You've got the wrong God for this program... The God who operates here is loving, forgiving, and gives you all the chances you need to get the program; he is honest and will always be there for you. I had a God like yours when I first came in here, but I had to fire him and get me a new God.' ...I realized....my unconscious...image of God...was a picture of my human father as I exper- ienced him... My father had not been there for me when I felt I really needed him as a little boy.... So I fired that God...and decided to believe in the God I saw living in the lives of recovering people..., a God who operated exactly like the God...in the Bible." [J. Keith Miller, A Hunger for Healing, p. 50-52]
I Corinthians 1:20,21
"Most of us have an instinctive fear of God that is based on our own weakness.... We either have to become comfortable with this human condition or go on pretending that it is not true. We have to go on hiding behind our pretending. Naturally, I am not suggesting that we simply cave in...to human weakness. I am suggesting that we must learn to be comfortable (with the fact that)....we have sinned and we will sin again.... It is important for me to know...Jesus... the Good Shepherd. I have to keep remembering that he is looking for us lost sheep and rejoic- ing when he finds us.... He takes me into his arms and sobs in relief, 'You're home. You know, that's all I've ever wanted. You're home.'" [John Powell, Happiness Is an Inside Job, p. 141]
Personal Response
2. How can I correct my distorted ideas of God?
John 1:18
"We must...remember that none of the appearances of God to man, described in the Old Testa- ment, were the appearances of God the Father. He whom Abraham, and Jacob, and Moses, and Joshua, and Isaiah, and Daniel saw, were not the First Person in the Trinity, but the Second." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels I, p. 42]
"The eye of mortal man has never beheld God the Father. No man could bear the sight. Even to Moses it was said, 'Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see Me, and live.' (Exod. xxxiii. 20.) Yet all that mortal man is capable of knowing about God the Father is fully revealed to us by God the Son. He, who was in the bosom of the Father from all eternity, has been pleased to take our nature upon Him, and to exhibit to us in the form of man, all that our minds can comprehend of the Father's perfections." [ibid., p. 37]
John 14:8,9
"Let us...take comfort in the simple truth, that Christ is...God; equal with the Father in all things, and One with Him. He who loved us, and shed His blood for us on the cross, and bids us trust Him for pardon, is no mere man like ourselves. He is 'Over all, God blessed for ever' (Rom. ix. 5), and able to save to the uttermost the chief of sinners.... He that casts his soul on Christ has an Almighty Friend,--a Friend who is One with the Father, and very God." [J. C. Ryle, "John," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels II, p. 290]
Hebrews 1:1-3
Christ, the Son, has perfectly revealed the Father to us because He is God Himself. Therefore He is able to do things which God alone can do: to sustain all things by his powerful word and purge away our sins.
"Our author is not thinking of that general revelation of Himself which God has given in creation, providence and conscience...but of that special revelation which He has given in two stages: first to the fathers through the prophets, and finally in His Son. These two stages of divine revelation correspond to the Old and New Testaments respectively.... The earlier stage of the revelation was given in a variety of ways....yet all the successive acts and varying modes of revelation in the ages before Christ came did not add up to the fullness of what God had to say. His word was not completely uttered until Christ came; but when Christ came, the word spoken in Him was indeed God's final word.... The story of divine revelation is a story of progression up to Christ, but there is no progression beyond Him.... God's previous spokesmen were His Servants, but for the proclamation of His last word to man He has chosen His Son." [F. F. Bruce, "The Epistle to the Hebrews," The New International Commentary on the New Testament, p. 2-3]
"...The 'Son' in His relation to 'God' is represented here by light beaming forth from light, and by exact impress--the perfect image produced by stamp or seal." [W. F. Moulton, "The Epistle to the Hebrews," Ellicotts Commentary on the Whole Bible VIII , p. 284]
God has perfectly revealed Himself to man in His Son. As we behold Christ in the Bible, the Holy Spirit gradually replaces our false ideas of God with truth. As the truth passes from our conscious into our unconscious, healing takes place in our relationship with God.
Personal Response
3. Can I approach God when I have doubts?
Mark 9:24
"We readily confess that our faith is weak and timid at times. We struggle with periods of doubt.... Do we forfeit God's blessing because we are weak in faith? ...Consider Abraham, the father of believers. His faith was not always unfailing and strong. He had his moments of doubt and despair. Yet...God blessed him.... When the father of the epileptic said to Jesus, 'I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!'..., Jesus heard his prayer... He healed the man's son... Note, however, that this man struggled with his weak faith and asked for help. He received it." [Simon J. Kistemaker, "James and I-III John," New Testament Commentary, p. 39-40]
Luke 17:5,6
"Their view of faith was certainly very wrong. They saw it as a kind of power with differing degrees of intensity. But the power of faith is not contained in faith itself but in God, whom we know by faith.... Therefore, Jesus answered that if they had faith as small as a mustard seed, they would be able to order a mulberry tree to be uprooted and it would be done.... God, in whom they put their trust, would work the impossible." [S. G. De Graff, Promise and Deliv- erance III, p. 412-413]
John 7:17
Dr. R. A. Torrey wrote, "I have found no passage in the Bible equal to John 7:17 in dealing with an honest skeptic." [R. A. Torrey, How To Work For Christ, p. 118] He would ask the doubter if he believed there is an absolute difference between right and wrong. If the man said he did, Torrey asked if he would take his stand on right and follow it wherever it carried him. If the man agreed, Torrey said, "You do not know whether there is a God... I know there is a God and that He answers prayer..." [ibid., p. 119] He suggested the man make a scientific experiment. He asked him to read the Gospel of John a few verses at a time praying, "O God, if there is a God, I promise to act upon whatever I find in this book to be true. Show me whether Jesus Christ is Your Son or not, and if You show me that He is, I promise to accept Him as my Savior and confess Him before the world." Torrey said, "If a man is not an honest skeptic, this course of treatment will reveal the fact, and you can tell him that the difficulty is not with his skepticism, but with his rebellious and wicked heart." [ibid., p. 120] He shared the story of "a thorough-going agnostic" who followed this course. "Some weeks after I met the man again; his doubts were all gone.... He had put himself in a way to find out the truth of God, and God made it known to him." [ibid., p. 121-122]
Our God is so good that He not only blesses those with weak faith, but reaches out to those with no faith, if they are willing.
"When we first will to follow--first attempt obedience--God becomes not just some vague force, but very personal. Our idea of Him changes. Then, as He points to the deeps of our person- alities...that we are not in touch with, our idea about ourselves changes. We find that we do not know ourselves very well. Herein is both the identity crisis and its cure. As we will to be in Him, He gathers together the scattered parts of ourselves we have been separated from." [Leanne Payne, The Broken Image, p. 138]
Romans 10:17
"I prayed for faith and thought that some day faith would come down and strike me like lightening. But faith did not seem to come. One day I read in the tenth chapter of Romans, 'Now faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.' I had closed my Bible and prayed for faith. I now opened my Bible and began to study, and faith has been growing ever since." [D. L. Moody, Thoughts From My Library, p. 258]
Personal Response
4. Does God love me?
Jeremiah 31:3
"I have become convinced that the simple affirmation 'God is love' really is the key to every- thing. If we can live this truth, and not just recite it or print it on wall hangings, we may find both the power to combat evil and a place of rest and refuge in the midst of the struggle." [Mark Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 4]
"Years of experience have taught me that regardless of how much correct doctrine Christians may know, until they have a picture and a felt sense that God is truly good and gracious, there can be no lasting spiritual victory in their lives." [David Seamands, Healing of Memories, p. 95-96]
John 3:16,17
"The love of God that is the source of the atonement is the love of God the Father specifi- cally.... The love of Christ is not in its biblical perspective unless we perceive that it is love constrained by and exercised in fulfillment of the Father's will...flowing from...(the Father's) invincible love. We must be captivated by the Father's love." [John Murray, Collected Writ- ings II, p. 144]
"Who delivered up Jesus to die? Not Judas, for money; not Pilate, for fear; not the Jews for envy;--but the Father, for love!" [Octavius Winslow, No Condemnation in Christ Jesus, p. 361]
Romans 5:8
"The love of a holy God to sinners is the most mysterious attribute of the divine nature. The manifestation of this attribute for the admiration and beatification of all intelligent creatures, is declared to be the special design of redemption." [Charles Hodge, Systematic Theology I, p. 427]
"...God's love, expressed through His people, and woven into our lives by His Spirit and His Word can, over a period of time, bring healing even to our deepest wounds..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 8]
Ephesians 2:4,5
"I am convinced that the basic cause of some of the most disturbing emotional/spiritual problems which trouble evangelical Christians is the failure to receive and live out God's unconditional grace, and the corresponding failure to offer that grace to others." [David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap, p. 14]
I John 4:9,10
The room in which you study is full of radio programs. Though stations all around beam them at you constantly, you cannot hear them unless you have your radio on. God too is beaming His love to you, but, for the message to get through, there must be a receiver as well as a sender. If you have wondered whether God loves you, consider these words of Christ.
Revelation 3:20
"God's hands are not fists...but hands that bear the scars of love..." [Mark Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 98]
Personal Response
5. Will God forgive me?
Psalm 130:3,4
"Christ didn't...love and die for...righteous people... If He had, we would all be in trouble! ...He came to...die for the unrighteous, the inconsiderate,...the selfish. As we grow in our understanding of His love...and continue to grasp that He has rescued us from the...condemna- tion we deserve..., we will gradually become more patient and kind to others when they fail." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 86]
Isaiah 43:25
Debbie Dortzbach, a missionary to Ethopia, was held in captivity by some of those she came to serve. During that time she wrote:
"Thank You God that though
I have only dirty water
To wash in==
You have reminded me
As I look at the earth below me
That my heart is washed pure==
White as this glistening marble rock
Beneath my feet.
I am clean in the
Righteousness of Jesus!"
[Karl and Debbie Dortzbach, Kidnapped, p. 71]
Isaiah 53:5,6
"I often use a simple illustration in making the meaning of the verse plain. I let my right hand represent the inquirer, my left hand represent Christ, and my Bible represent the inquirer's sin. I first lay the Bible on my right hand and say, 'Now where is your sin?' The inquirer replies of course, 'On me.' I then repeat the last half of the verse, 'the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all,' and transfer the Bible from my right hand to my left, and ask, 'Where is your sin now?' The inquirer replies, 'On Him, of course.' I then ask, 'Is it on you any longer?' and he says, 'No, on Christ.'" [R. A. Torrey, How To Work for Christ, p. 33-34]
"Through the Cross, our sin is judged, yet sinful men and women are forgiven...because God has judged that sin in Jesus Christ instead of in us.... That is why the Cross is the 'trysting place, where Heaven's love and Heaven's justice meet.'" [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 108]
Micah 7:18,19
"It is mercy to feed us, rich mercy to pardon us." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 71]
"Where God removes the guilt, he breaks the power of sin.... With pardoning love God gives subduing grace." [idem.]
Matthew 26:28
"It is a folly to think that an emperor's revenue will not pay a beggar's debt... We have many sins, but God hath many mercies..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 481]
Luke 23:33,34
"His own racking agony...did not make Him forget others. The first of His seven sayings on the cross was a prayer for the souls of His murderers.... Let us see in our Lord's intercession for those who crucified Him, one more proof of Christ's infinite love to sinners.... None are too wicked for Him to care for. None are too far gone in sin for His almighty heart to take interest about their souls. He wept over unbelieving Jerusalem. He heard the prayer of the dying thief. He stopped under the tree to call the publican Zacchaeus. He came down from heaven to turn the heart of the persecutor Saul.... Love like this is a love that passeth knowledge. The vilest of sinners have no cause to be afraid of applying to a Savior like this." [J. C. Ryle, "Luke," Expository Thoughts on the Gospels II, p. 463-464]
Hebrews 8:12
There are many ways to "express what we mean by forgiveness.... A small tribe in southern Mexico says that 'God loses our sins in his heart.' Because God has such a large heart, when he forgives us, our sins are simply lost in his great love." [Richard De Ridder, Today: The Family Altar, May 16, 1986)]
"I. The compassion of Christ inclines Him to save sinners.
II. The power of Christ enables Him to save sinners.
III. The promises of Christ bind Him to save sinners."
[D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 209]
Personal Response
6. Will God accept me?
John 1:12
"There may be days when I don't feel like God is my Father. But that doesn't change the truth one iota. On those occasions, I can either believe my inner impressions and feed the self-pity that attends my imaginary state of orphanhood; or I can refute my initial feelings with the truth, and bring my attitudes into alignment with the reality that my heavenly Father is actively involved in my life. His love promotes my highest good; His wisdom determines how to achieve it; and His power accomplishes what His love and wisdom have ordained." [Garry Friesen with J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God, p. 251-252]
John 6:37
"The final truth about life is that we are unconditionally, eternally accepted by God, not because of what we have done but simply because God is love." [David Lloyd Taylor and Carmen Renee Berry, Loving Yourself as Your Neighbor, p. 88]
Romans 3:24-26
The words you have just copied have been called "possibly the most important single paragraph ever written..." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 173] If some of the terms are unfamiliar to you, these definitions will help.
JUSTIFIED: "The biblical meaning of 'justify'...is to pronounce, accept, and treat as just, i.e., as on the one hand, not penally liable, and, on the other, entitled to all the privileges due to those who have kept the law.... Paul proclaims the present justification of sinners by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, apart from all works and despite all demerit (Rom. 3:21ff.).... The law has not been altered, or suspended, or flouted for their justification, but fulfilled--by Jesus Christ acting in their name. By perfectly serving God, Christ perfectly kept the law (cf. Matt. 3:15). His obedience culminated in death (Phil. 2:8); he bore the penalty of the law in men's place (Gal. 3:13), to make propitiation for their sins (Rom. 3:25). On the ground of Christ's obedience, God does not impute sin, but imputes righteousness, to sinners who believe (Rom. 4:2-8; 5:19)." [J. I. Packer, "Justification," Evangelical Dictionary of Theology p. 593-596]
GRACE: "...God's spontaneous, unmerited favor in action, his freely bestowed lovingkindness in operation, bestowing salvation upon guilt-laden sinners who turn to him for refuge. We think of the Judge who not only remits the penalty but also cancels the guilt of the offender and even adopts him as his own son." [William Hendriksen, "Exposition of Paul's Epistle to the Romans," New Testament Commentary I, (p. 48]
REDEMPTION: "...has its origin in the release of prisoners of war on payment of a price (the 'ransom'). It was extended to include the freeing of slaves, again by the payment of a price. Among the Hebrews it could be used for release of a prisoner under sentence of death (Exod. 21:29-30), once more by the payment of a price." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 179]
PROPITIATION or "reconciling sacrifice" or "expiation" "means that Christ has satisfied the holy wrath of God through His payment for sin. There was only one reason for Him to do this: He loves us; infinitely, eternally, unconditionally, irrevocably..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 98] This means, if we trust in Christ, there is no more wrath for us!
I Peter 3:18
"...He hung upon the cross that we might sit upon the throne.... His crucifixion is our coronation." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 174]
I John 1:3,4
"Reconciliation to God comes through God's forgiveness of that by which we have been estranged from God; and of all experiences in the religion of sinful men, it is the most deeply felt and far reaching. ...Every one who knows what it is to be forgiven, knows also that forgiveness is the greatest regenerative force in the life of man." [James Denney, The Christian Doctrine of Reconciliation, p. 6]
To sense the power which comes from taking the truth of this step to yourself, consider this letter we received: "Dear Sirs: I just got done reading...Homosexuality: An Open Door? for the umpteenth time. I can't believe it. For so long as a Christian I thought God was so against me. Like I was doomed before I began. Now it's like God is right there in the mud with me, helping me, and saying, 'No matter what happens Me and you are going through this together and I'm not ever going to leave you.' I don't know what to say. Thank you for the book, really. Please add me to your mailing list and send me a list of materials you have. This is like so wild. I can't believe Jesus is really setting me free! Wow!"
Personal Response
7. Will God love, forgive, and accept me in spite of all I am and have done?
Isaiah 1:18
"The greatest sinners, if they truly repent, shall have their sins forgiven... Though our sins have been as scarlet and crimson, a deep dye, a double dye, first in the wool of original corruption and afterwards in the many threads of actual transgression--though we have been often dipped, by our many backslidings, into sin, and though we have lain long soaking in it,...yet pardoning mercy will thoroughly discharge the stain, and...we shall be clean." [Matthew Henry, Commen- tary on the Whole Bible IV, p. 9]
Isaiah 44:22
"God is the sum of all patience and the essence of kindly good will. We please Him most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections, and believing that He understands everything and loves us still." [A. W. Tozer, The Root of the Righteous, p. 15]
Luke 15:2
"The door of mercy does not stand on the jar, it is wide open." [C. H. Spurgeon, The New Park Street Pulpit V, (1859), p. 288]
"If Christ had declined to associate with sinners, He would have had a lonely time on earth." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 130]
Luke 19:10
"He was just a little boy, and he couldn't understand the punishment. The punishment was nec- essary that he might learn some important lessons and grow to be a man who would know right from wrong. But he couldn't comprehend all that. All he knew was that his father had sent him to his room without supper--and he was hungry. He thought his father cared for him less than the father's words seemed to suggest. After all, if his father really loved him, he would have allowed him to have his supper. Then the door opened, and his father came in and sat on the bed. 'Son,' he said, 'I know you don't understand now, but some day you will. Some day you will be glad that I loved you enough to train you properly. But I wanted you to know that I didn't eat supper tonight either, and I'm going to spend the night with you, and we will be hungry together.' The boy was still hungry, of course, but it somehow helped to fall asleep in the arms of his father--a father who had identified with his hunger. That is what God has done." [Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. 51]
Romans 5:10
"Being angry at God is never helpful.... It is far better to direct your anger at the real source of your hurt than to project it at God, which cuts you off from the very power you need to deal with your hurt. Fortunately, God understands when we vent our anger on him. He knows our minds play tricks on us.... So there is no penalty for feeling this anger or for even expressing it. But recovery requires that you pull your angry feelings back from God as soon as you possibly can and attach them to their real source." [Archibald Hart, Healing Adult Children of Divorce, p. 165-166]
"What ups and downs we experience because we build not on faith but on feeling, not on the finished work of Christ but on our own work and endeavor and experience.... Let us get down to the cross, to the broken heart of our God, down to the propitiation for our sins..." [Oswald Chambers, The Love of God, p. 18]
I Timothy 1:15
"Memorize this...: I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave His life for me, and...imparted great value to me. I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted, and complete in Christ." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 61]
I John 1:7
God, having made and blessed us, has a right to expect that we will love Him above all. But have we not often ignored and even defied Him? And yet He loves us still with an incredible love!
Because of our rebellion, we deserve to be cast off forever. Instead, God loves us so much that He gave His Son to live a sinless life in our place and die on the cross for our sins. In Christ, a holy God can fully accept us with all our weaknesses and failures.
Christ rose from the dead. If you have never asked Him into your life, He stands at the door of your heart seeking admittance. He says, "I love you and long that we may be close. I want to forgive your sins. I'm ready to stand with you in all the struggles of life and will help you become all that God intends you to be. Come, share heaven with me forever.
What will you do with Jesus? Why not ask Him into your life right now? You might pray like this: "Lord Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sin. I need your forgiveness. Come into my heart. I receive your pardon. I give you my life. Thank you for not condemning me. Thank you for loving, forgiving, and accepting me."
Personal Response
8. Since God loves me, need I worry or fear?
Psalm 23:4
Many of us used sexual activity to deaden emotional pain. When life's difficulties seemed too much for us, we turned to sex much like an addict turns to drugs. As we break this pattern, we may begin to have strong, uncomfortable, even frightening feelings as our emotional numbness wears off. We must resist the temptation to draw back and instead reach out to God and His people to help us through our difficult periods.
Psalm 50:15
"We can only conquer doubts by looking steadily to Him and by not looking at them." [D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones,Spiritual Depression, p. 158]
Psalm 55:22
"We are safer with Him in the dark than without Him in the sunshine." [Theodore L. Cuyler, God's Light on Dark Clouds, p. 50]
"He never promises us smooth paths, but He does promise safe ones." [ibid., p. 75]
Matthew 6:34
When we are feeling emotional pain or undergoing strong temptation, we may begin to wonder how we can go on for the rest of our lives without acting out. Discouragement and depression can lead to defeat. At such times we need to remind ourselves that Christ taught us to live "one day at a time." To get through life's troubles we must focus on the present--the moment at hand, the day in progress--leaving tomorrow's struggles for tomorrow.
Philippians 1:27
We would question the sanity of the greatest football player in history if he tried to play alone against the poorest of teams. Yet we often withdraw from others who are willing to help and isolate ourselves when we are having trouble.
God never intended for us to fight our battles alone. He teaches us to reach out to Him and to His people for help. We must not struggle alone, but strive "together for the faith of the gospel".
Philippians 4:6,7
"Faith is the cure of care." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 179]
Personal Response
9. Will God be with me when I am tried and tempted?
Psalm 27:14
Dr Earl Wilson writes, "I firmly believe that deliverance from sexual obsession cannot take place apart from God's help. I am not, however, suggesting that God is a pill which can be taken as a magical cure. Deliverance is closely coupled with obedience and a willingness to make hard choices....(which) may have to be made over and over again until the old behavior patterns are replaced by new sane habits. In this we all need God's enablement. He wants our cooperation." [Sexual Sanity, p. 82]
Isaiah 41:10
Great Britain's hopes for a medal in the men's 400-meter race in the 1992 Summer Olympics "were dashed when on the far turn of the semifinal race," Derek Redmond "pulled up lame, apparently with a torn muscle.... He stood there in agony, now out of competition but determined somehow to...finish the race. As he attempted to hobble toward the finish line, he seemed to reach the end of his strength with about one hundred meters...to go. At...that moment, a man from the stands ran up behind Derek, grabbed him around the waist, and began to...help him... It was his father, Jim Redmond. As Derek realized who was holding him up and helping to propel him forward, his startled expression became a look of relief, and he was overcome with emotion. He grabbed his father around the neck, hugging him and crying as they moved together toward the finish line. With the crowd roaring their support for the two men, Derek finished the race.... We have such a Father." [Chap Clark, The Performance Illusion, p. 79-80]
Matthew 26:41
Trusting God does not mean that we have no responsibility for our own well-being. If we are to recover, we must participate in our healing and in maintaining good emotional/spiritual health. "He who would eat the fruit must climb the tree." [Scottish proverb in Leadership, p. 105]
Jim West of the Betty Ford Center "says that every recovering alcoholic must always be aware of the possibility of a relapse into drinking, because our personality traits are like 'a snake who lies back in a dark corner of the mind and who, every now and then, maybe every three or four years, will open one eye to see if the alcoholic is still on guard.'... Eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety." [Betty Ford with Chris Chase, Betty: A Glad Awakening, p. 169-170]
Romans 13:14
If we want to stand, we must avoid situations which can lead to a fall. Alcoholics Anonymous has a wise saying: "If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places and slippery people." When we have no choice, we need to prepare in advance for the battle. Our greatest safeguard against temptation is prayer. It is also good to tell a friend of our danger and ask him or her to check with us periodically to see if we are having trouble. Remember, "If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail."
"There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself." [The Midnight Raymond Chand- ler, p. 490]
I Corinthians 10:13
"...Often people....say, 'I couldn't help myself.' What most people mean when they say that is 'I didn't help myself.'" [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 11]
"Some people stumble into sin; some fall; some play around on the edges until they fall in; and others jump." [Ed Hurst with Dave and Neta Jackson, Overcoming Homosexuality, p. 86]
We can only stand firm as long as we remember our helplessness (Step 1) and our Helper (Step 2). When we become self-satisfied and/or self-confident rather than watchful and God-confident, we are ripe for a fall.
Hebrews 4:15,16
"The Lord direct your heart into the love of God!--just as it is, hard, cold, fickle, sinful, sad and sorrowful. Christ's love touching your hard heart, will dissolve it; touching your cold heart, will warm it; touching your sinful heart, will purify it; touching your sorrowful heart, will soothe it; touching your wandering heart, will draw it back to Jesus. Only bring your heart to Christ's love. Believe in its existence, its reality, its fullness, and its freeness. Believe that He loves you..." [Octavius Winslow, The Sympathy of Christ, p. 165]
Personal Response
10. Will God forgive me if I fall?
Psalm 37:23,24
We all have differing struggles and recover on different schedules. Some of us are acting out. All have problems with thoughts. Some are out of control. Others gain and lose command of themselves several times as they work the Steps. Recovery begins for some with a certain Step while it may not come for others until all the Steps have been worked. Healing may be sudden or gradual. We are all unique.
We must be patient with ourselves and each other and trust God to heal us in the way best for each one. In all our struggle, we must not allow guilt, pain, confusion, or despair to overwhelm and isolate us from God or others. If we turn to God, He will forgive us. He will not abandon us, but will stand with us in all our battles till freedom is ours!
Proverbs 28:13
"We're told to hate the sin and love the sinner, but we're too apt to twist it around the other way. We hate the sinner in us and cling to the sin. Don't glorify your lapses. Just try to understand why they happened and steer yourself back on the right track." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 56]
"As you go through life, brother
Whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the doughnut
And not upon the hole."
[Mayflower Coffee Shop slogan in Leadership, p. 100]
Romans 8:33,34
"Moses was a murderer, but God forgave him and used him to deliver Israel from Egypt. David was an adulterer and a murderer, but God forgave him and made him a great king. Peter denied the Lord, but God forgave him, and Peter became a leader in the Church. God rejoices when His children learn to accept His forgiveness, pick themselves up, and walk after they have stumbled." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 88-89]
"I have written in the back of my Bible, 'You wouldn't be so shocked at your own sin if you didn't have such a high opinion of yourself.'" [Stephen Brown, No More Mr. Nice Guy!, p. 108]
I John 1:9
"The devil has two false glasses, which he sets before men's eyes; the one is a little glass, in which the sin appears so small that it can hardly be seen, which the devil sets before men's eyes when they are going to commit sin; the other is a great magnifying glass, wherein sin appears so big that it cannot be forgiven, which the devil sets before men's eyes when they have sinned." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 88]
"Many Christians who struggle with sexual temptation have experienced repeated failures that have deeply affected their relationship with God. It is hard to go back to God again and again when we are so painfully aware of our failures. Satan wants us to feel unworthy so we will not go back to God. He makes us forget that God is longsuffering and always willing to forgive." [Earl Wilson, Sexual Sanity, p. 108] "Many Christians...have trouble...because they hope that once forgiven they will not repeat the sin. I...know that often when I try the hardest I fail. As a believer I am responsible to...bring my sin to God, whether it is a repeated sin, or not.... If ...I spend all my time loathing my habit, I am doing nothing more than insuring...it will con- tinue. I need to focus on Christ, not sin." [ibid., p. 109] "...The worst thing we can do if we want to stop a habit is to focus on it.... Don't waste time thinking about how not to think about it.... Focus on Christ..." [ibid., p. 110] "When we fix our eyes on Jesus, we see victory.... When we fix our eyes on our recurring sin, we...see only defeat and will become ashamed to look at Jesus. We don't need...hopelessness. We need to get our attention back on the source of hope." [ibid., p. 111] "If your obsession is strong, you might need to confess your sin and receive forgiveness a hundred times a day. But it is not futile. It is a process." [ibid., p. 117]
Personal Response
11. How does one react when experiencing God's love?
Psalm 40:1-3
"Till you know the depth of the pit into which you have fallen, you will never properly praise the hand which raises you out of it." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 70]
"In prayer we act like men; in praise we act like angels." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 15]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 2
Step 2 was not easy for me. It was difficult to believe that God accepted me when my conscience condemned me. I felt that the Scriptures which spoke of judgment all applied to me, and that those which spoke of mercy were for others. My experiences in life had taught me that people only love you as long as you please them. Did God love me in spite of all? Seeing family and friends turn away made it difficult to believe that God's arms were open to receive me. Since I was so depressed that I no longer cared what happened to me, is it any wonder that I doubted God's love and care?
The Holy Spirit helped me see that the Scriptures which speak of judgment are directed at the stiff-necked sinner, not at the one who is struggling with sin; at the defiant, not at the defeated. He showed me that God's promises of mercy are to all who trust in Christ and challenged me to accept them in simple faith. The more I beheld Jesus in the Word, the more my fears sub- sided, and, in their place, peace and joy began to blossom. There were some old friends who did not desert me. There were new friends who, knowing all, still loved and accepted me. These provided tangible proof of God's love. So, I came to believe.
Yet Step 2 is still not easy for me. My father, a good, able man, had dreams for me I could not fulfill. I always felt I was a disappointment to him. So I constantly hear in my mind, "That's not good enough. You don't measure up. I'm not pleased." When I do not consciously resist these thoughts by faith, I sense a pulling away from God evidenced by a reluctance to pray and study the Bible. Worship becomes a drudgery and thoughts of God distasteful. Only as I make a conscious effort to claim by faith the blood of Christ which cleanses from all sin and the righteousness of Christ which makes me completely acceptable to God does the sense of condem- nation dissipate and a sense of thanksgiving to God for His unspeakable gift move me to draw near to Him.
Is it worth all the work? It sure is! As I claim the truth that God is for me in every circum- stance because of the blood and righteousness of my Savior, solid peace and joy drive away the old depressions which were so crippling. As I accept the truth that God will never abandon me because Christ has endured all the wrath I deserve, I know I am never alone when temptation strikes. God is right there in the midst of the battle with me, not condemning me, but loving me, forgiving me, accepting me, counting me righteous in His Son, holding my hand, and sus- taining me as He and I walk out of this together. He promises to stand with me in the heat of battle and in the depths of despair, so nothing need overwhelm me. My past is forgiven, my present is secure, and my future is certain. What can I render to God for going to such lengths to save me and call me His friend?
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 2
1) In your journal, write out as many examples as you can recall of your tendency to doubt the motives of people (especially your parents) when they were thoughtful and kind to you. Then write examples of whining, complaining, and detachment from God which reveal your doubt of His love and acceptance. Discuss what you have found with your step coach.
2) Read aloud Psalm 23 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, praising God for the truth of His love to you despite your shortcomings and failures.
3) Listen to the tape Loved At Last! listed under "STEP 2" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the brochure Homosexuality and the People of God listed under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read the material in Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 3 while continuing to work in your workbook. Journal what you learn and share your findings with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 3
We learned to see purpose in our suffering,
that our failed lives were under God's control,
who is able to bring good out of trouble.
In Step 1 we faced our powerlessness. In Step 2 we saw "that power belongeth unto God" (Psalm 62:11) who "giveth power to...them that have no might..." (Isaiah 40:29); and, as we came to believe in His love and grace, we found "joy and peace in believing" (Romans 15:13).
With Step 3, our new found or newly revived faith in the love of God enables us to begin to attack the roots of our homosexual struggle. Many of us felt we were victims--victims of life, victims of parents. And it may have been true! But if we stop there and see no thread of grace running through our sufferings, we end up being victims who have no hope.
Whatever may have happened when we were young, we are children no longer and must accept responsibility for our current actions. With God's help, we can change. As long as we blame others or circumstances over which we have no control for our situation, we will feel trapped, unable to do anything to change our lives. Bitterness and suspicion will lead us to develop an ever more distrustful attitude toward others and we will put up walls to keep them far away emotionally so that they cannot hurt us. Loneliness will drive us to seek sexual encounters which are a futile substitute for the love we need but from which we have cut ourselves off. Resentment may even poison our relationship with God as we angrily ask, "Why me?"
Dr. Gerard van den Aardweg, a Dutch psychologist with over twenty years experience in treat- ing homosexuality, identifies "self-pity as perhaps one of the prime causes of homosexuality..." [On the Origins and Treatment of Homosexuality, p. xv] If we would find freedom from homo- sexuality, we must undermine our feelings of being a victim and of self-pity. To do so we must see God not only as our loving Father (Step 2), but also as our Sovereign Lord (Step 3) whose almighty grace can bring blessing out of all that we have suffered.
1. Since sin has come into the world, is life difficult for everyone?
Genesis 3:17-19
Sin always brings sorrow. It has been so from the first. "The whole earth partakes of the punishment, which the sin of man, its head and destined ruler, has called down.... Death reigns. Instead of the blessed soil of Paradise, Adam and his offspring have to till the ground now condemned to bear thorns and thistles, and this is not to end, until man returns to the earth from which he was taken." [E. Harold Browne, "Genesis," The Bible Commentary I, p. 46]
Job 14:1
"Everybody out there is hurting. And if you don't know that, you're either very naive and believe in people's facades, or so thick-skinned that you don't hurt yourself and don't feel other people's hurts either." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 10]
"My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn." [Louis Adamic in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 304]
Ecclesiastes 1:2
When Ernie Pyle, famed World War II correspondent, learned of the death of his mother, he wrote these poignant words: "It seems to me that life is futile and death the final indignity. People live and suffer and grow bent with yearning, bowed with disappointment, and then they die. And what is it all for? I do not know." [in Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 85]
Ecclesiastes 2:22,23
"There will be no major solution to the suffering of mankind until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until these ques- tions are resolved we are caught." [Woody Allen in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 23]
Romans 8:22
"Is not disease the rule of existence? There is not a lily pad floating on the river that has not been riddled by insects. Almost every shrub and tree has its gall, oftentimes esteemed its chief ornament and scarcely to be distinguished from the fruit. If misery loves company, misery has company enough. Now, at midsummer, find me a perfect leaf or fruit." [Thoreau, Journal, 1851, The Oxford Book of Aphorisms, p. 326]
"Life is not just a struggle for you; it's a struggle for everyone, and no one meets all of life's challenges flawlessly." [Ralph Earle and Gregory Crow, Lonely All the Time, p. 255]
Personal Response
2. Is God in control of whatever happens?
There is some comfort in the realization that we are not alone in our suffering, but this is not enough to break the bands that bind us unless we also know that we are not subject to the power of impersonal fate or blind chance, but are in the hands of our loving Father in heaven.
I Chronicles 29:11,12
"One adequate support
For the calamities of mortal life
Exists, one only;--an assured belief
That the procession of our fate, howe'er
Sad or distrub'd, is order'd by a Being
Of infinite benevolence and power,
Whose everlasting purposes embrace
All accidents, converting them to good." [William Wordsworth]
Isaiah 46:9,10
"'What is history,' cried Cromwell, 'but God's unfolding of Himself?'" [James S. Stewart, Heralds of God, p. 12]
Daniel 4:34,35
"The great ones of this world--from Nebuchadnezzar to Mao Tse-tung--who lull themselves with the illusion that men create history...cannot spoil God's plans, but instead they form an unwitting part of his plans and must serve his purposes unconsciously and unwillingly.... The tender mercy of God rings out like a bell over our dark world. And this theme sets itself against the riddles of our fate and against all human powers who rebel against it and pretend to be the lords of this world." [Helmut Thielicke in Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. vii]
Matthew 10:29,30
There are really only two ways of looking at the painful side of life. "Some say that...to the gods we are like the flies that the boys kill on a summer day, and some say, on the contrary, that the very sparrows do not lose a feather that has not been brushed away by the finger of God." [Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey, p. 23]
Ephesians 1:11,12
"God is never in a panic, nothing can be done that He is not absolute Master of, and no one in earth or heaven can shut a door He has opened, nor open a door He has shut. God alters the inevitable when we get in touch with Him." [Oswald Chambers, If Thou Wilt Be Perfect, p. 127]
Personal Response
3. Where does sin come from?
Mark 7:21-23
"Chesterton says...that the great problem of philosophy is why little Tommy loves to torture the cat.... Malcolm Muggeridge says that...original sin, the most unpopular of all Christian dogmas, is the only one you can prove by the daily newspaper." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 42-43]
John 8:42-45
"Sin....has the devil for its father, shame for its companion, and death for its wages." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 209]
Romans 8:7,8
"If God lived on earth, people would break his windows." [Yiddish Proverb in The Crown Treasury of Relevant Quotations, p. 325]
"Bendetti, a Franciscan monk, author of 'Stabat Mater,' one day was found weeping, and when asked the reason of his tears, replied, 'I weep because Love goes about unloved.'" [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 79]
Ephesians 2:1-3
"All three evils, sin and death and suffering, are from us, not from God; from our misuse of our free will, from our disobedience. We started it!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 107] "We are sinners. Our world is a battlefield strewn with broken treaties, broken families, broken promises, broken lives, and broken hearts. We are good stuff gone bad, a defaced masterpiece, a rebellious child." [ibid., p. 116]
Personal Response
4. Can God overrule sin?
Joseph's brothers were jealous of him, hated him, plotted to murder him, sold him into slavery, told his father he was dead, and abandoned him to his fate. God however made him second to Pharaoh over Egypt and used him to save his family from starvation. His brothers feared that he would take vengeance on them. He gave one reason why he would not do so in these words:
Genesis 50:20
"What his brothers did was genuinely significant--and hurt Joseph deeply. But Joseph had eyes to see that God was also at work, and that His purposes had been fulfilled not just in spite of his brothers, but even through their actions!" [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 135]
Acts 2:22-24
The fact that Peter says Christ was "delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God" shows that "it has now become the habit of the Apostle's mind to trace the working of a divine purpose, which men, even when they are most bent on thwarting it, are unconsciously fulfilling. In chap. i.16, he had seen that purpose in the treachery of Judas; he sees it now in the malignant injustice of priests and people." [E. H. Plumptre, "The Acts of the Apostles," Ellicott's Commentary on the Whole Bible VII p. 11]
"The wicked's intense rage carries on God's decree against their wills; for while they sit back- ward to his command, they row forward to his decree." [John Trapp, A Commentary or Expos- ition Upon All the Books of the New Testament, p. 425]
"Neither God's designing it from eternity, nor his bringing good out of it to eternity, would in the least excuse their sin; for it was their voluntary act and deed, from a principle morally evil, and therefore 'they were wicked hands with which you have crucified and slain him.'" [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible VI, p. 22]
Acts 3:13-15
"The sentence which Jesus' human judges passed upon Him and His human executioners carried out has been reversed, Peter asserts, by a higher court. They put Him to death, but God raised Him up..." [F. F. Bruce, "Commentary on the Book of the Acts," The New International Commentary on the New Testament, p. 70-71]
Acts 3:26
The greatest tragedy in the world, the death of Christ, is also the greatest blessing in the world! It is the way sinners are saved! God can turn the worst into the best!
"Let us be content that God should rule the world; learn to acquiesce in His will, and submit to His providence." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 125]
Personal Response
5. Does God love me?
Psalm 86:15
A woman who had lived her life totally without reference to God was told by a doctor that her daughter, who had been injured in an automobile accident, would probably never come out of the coma and could quite possibly remain a "vegetable" the rest of her life. The woman said, "I walked out of the hospital and across the street to a bar and got totally zonkered. Then I got into my car and drove home, weeping the whole way. When I got in my driveway, I turned off the engine and began to curse God. I used every bit of vile language I knew, and I knew a lot. After about a half hour I was totally drained. And in the silence I heard a voice...and the voice said, 'That is the first time you have ever spoken to Me, and I love you.'" [Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. 15]
Psalm 145:8,9
"The reason the mass of men fear God, and at bottom dislike Him, is because they rather dis- trust His heart, and fancy Him all brain like a watch." [Herman Melville quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 54]
Romans 8:38,39
"Jesus Christ reveals, not an embarrassed God, not a confused God, not a God who stands apart from the problems, but One who stands in the thick of the whole thing with man." [Oswald Chambers, Disciples Indeed, p. 12]
I John 3:16
"It is quite natural (but wrong) to think that we have to become worthy in order for God to accept us. This harmful perception keeps people from coming to Christ, for it leads them to believe that He died for some sinners but not others. Homosexuals and adulterers, along with all of us, must bask in the love of God; we all must be willing to open our lives to His grace... God does not turn His back on those who believe in His Son." [Erwin W. Lutzer, Coming to Grips with Homosexuality, p. 32]
I John 4:16
"How you view God determines the quality and style of your Christian experience. Many Christians spend much of their lives paralyzed because, although they have trusted Christ as Savior, they have never really seen what His sacrifice teaches us about the character of God. He gave His Son...because He loves us. He thereby proves His grace. Do you know...God, in this way?" [Sinclair Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 102]
I John 4:19
"Let not any hard dealing make you mistake your Father's affection.... It is a bitter cup, but He is still my Father." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 32]
"The people of God have ground for cheerfulness. They are justified and adopted, and this creates...music within, whatever storms are without." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 14]
Personal Response
6. Does suffering have a purpose?
Romans 5:3,4
"God has many angels who do His errands and summon men to Him, says Archer Butler; but the angel that has gathered most to the Savior's feet is the angel of sorrow." [J. D. Jones, The Gospel According to St. Mark II, p. 102]
"Perhaps we suffer so inordinately because God loves us so inordinately and is taming us. Perhaps the reason why we are sharing in a suffering we do not understand is because we are the objects of a love we do not understand." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 78]
"Blessed is that hour of holy desperation when a man...moves out of the wreck of himself into Christ." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 120]
II Corinthians 1:3,4
"I often feel very grateful to God that I have undergone fearful depression. I know the borders of despair and the horrible brink of that gulf of darkness into which my feet have almost gone. But hundreds of times I have been able to give a helpful grip to brethren and sisters who have come into that same condition, which grip I could never have given if I had not known their deep despondency. So I believe that the darkest and most dreadful experience of a child of God will help him...if he will but follow Christ." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXII, 1886, p. 344]
James 1:2-4
"Adversity introduces a man to himself." [Anonymous in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 14]
"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." [William Saroyan in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 188]
"...I remembered one of my friends at Yale: a Christian who struggled heroically with his homo- sexual nature. He could never remember a time when he had been attracted to girls. He had found himself falling in love with males since childhood. He had never acted out his desires. He had done nothing to encourage them. He did not want to be homosexual. He would have given anything to change his pattern of sexual attraction, but he knew little of the Holy Spirit's power to do this. I was an atheist at the time. He made all of his agony into material for Christian witness, telling us why he could not deny his Savior by following his desires. I found his account of his struggles deeply moving. He is part of the reason I am a Christian today." [Richard Lovelace, "An Uncomfortable Issue," Charisma, (March 1985), p. 9]
Whenever I grow discouraged, I have evidence that I am doubting that God is in charge of my life, that He loves me, that He intends to do me good, and that He intends to bless others through me.
Personal Response
7. Can God bring good out of trouble?
Psalm 119:71
"Hurt often must come before healing." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 145]
"...Trial is not only to approve, but to improve..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 31]
"The tears of the godly are sweeter than the triumph of the wicked." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 21]
Romans 8:28
"A devout Christian young man lamented that he just couldn't let go of bitterness he felt about certain mental wounds he had suffered years earlier. He could quote Scriptures about how he should forgive, but he still didn't feel forgiving. He had prayed repeatedly, 'Thank you God, for letting such-and-such happen in my life.' Still, he didn't feel thankful. Then he used the idea that one picture is worth a thousand words. He pictured the wrongs done to him as gashes cutting deeply into his body. Then he imagined himself to be a giant key, and those gashes took on new meaning. They became notches precisely machined along the edge of the key to make it uniquely useful. God could use him as a tool to fit locks that no other key could budge. The locks represented bitterness, fear, and discouragement in the minds of other people. Now he, the notched key, could understand them. The hurts in his life had made him useful to other people's lives. He wept and laughed as he visualized God's huge hands turning him, the key, in those locks and freeing others from their emotional prisons." [Dennis Gibson, The Strong-Willed Adult, p. 82-83]
II Corinthians 4:17
"Remember St. Teresa's bold saying that from heaven the most miserable earthly life will look like one bad night in an inconvenient hotel!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 139]
"God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with him." [Jurgen Moltmann quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 100]
Hebrews 12:11
"...The Creator has so fashioned this universe that the best can emerge from the worst. Where forest fires once raged, jack pines and birches now thrive. The stubborn cones of jack pine often remain tightly closed, withholding their seeds from the soil until fire forces them open. As a consequence, fire has given some jack pines their only chance to get started on the earth. White birch crave open places where they can get light and air for growth. Fire burns such openings into the forest and gives white birches their opportunity. During World War II ninety-five types of flowers and shrubs unknown for decades were found in London, in holes where nitrates from bursting and burning bombs had enriched the soil. Seeds of grain are freed to multiply in the soil when the wind has whipped them or the threshing machine has threshed them. The pearl in an oyster is formed when an irritant, such as a grain of sand, causes the oyster to secrete a soothing substance around the aggravation. The secretion becomes a jewel. A moth's wings are strengthened for flight when the creature struggles to get free of its imprisoning cocoon; no struggle, no strength. Nature is rife with trouble that ends in blessing. One of the big assurances that this created world offers us is that trouble can be made to serve high purposes." [Harold Kohn, Pathways to Understanding, p. 76]
Personal Response
8. Should God's children shun self-pity?
Numbers 14:26-30
"Self-pity is a fertile seed-bed, where homosexual temptation flourishes with deep roots which are not easy to pull up." [Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love, p. 55] "...The regrets and longing for something you don't or can't have may...flood suddenly in and swamp your emotions. Then with the longing comes the imagining, and then the accepting and relishing what you imagine, and then the sly search for fuel to feed these thoughts, and then maybe some attempt at realizing them in action..." [ibid., p. 53-54]
Philippians 2:14
"Why do we shrink from great waters--without them we cannot see great wonders. Shallow water Christians see but few wonders." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 31]
"If...we can recognize the pain that we must endure as wind in our sails, we will use the agony rather than curse it." [Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 54]
Philippians 4:11-13
"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." [H. T. Leslie in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 306]
"We may think that...severity is inconsistent with...God's...compassion. ...That is because we do not appreciate how seriously God loves us, and how determined He is that we should have His best, even if it means pain." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 141]
Jude 14-16
"Because sin deserves death and we are all sinners,...all our mercies are undeserved mercies. Any apparent unfairness in God's treatment of us arises not because some have too much punish- ment, but because some of us appear to have too little. None of us will ever receive harsher judgment than we deserve.... The marvel is, in the biblical view, not that men die for their sins, but that we remain alive in spite of them." [John W. Wenham, The Goodness of God, p. 70]
Personal Response
9. What should I then do?
Psalm 34:1
Why is it so easy to complain, so hard to rejoice? "Most of us can remember how...the scraped knee may have gotten us...attention from a...parent. The way our brain...operates may result in such close association of self-pity with the gratification of being cared for, that we may actually enjoy...self-pity. Some people...actually incur pain in order to have something about which to feel sorry for themselves.... Mature adults...try to rectify things that have gone wrong instead of...pitying themselves..." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 20]
Psalm 46:1,2
"God has given us the dignity of choice, a free choice, to accept or reject a relationship with Him. Our choice will have real consequences. We can spend our lives walking with God or running from Him. We can invest our short time here blaming God or being healed by Him.... What will you choose?" [R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 44]
Psalm 107:15
"I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped." [Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky in The Portable Curmudgeon, p. 189]
"I feel a very unusual sensation--if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude." [Benjamin Disraeli in ibid., p. 125]
Acts 16:22-25
"When God is at the center of things, worship inevitably follows. Where there is no spirit of worship, there God has been dethroned and displaced." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 150]
Ephesians 5:20
"Cultivation of a thankful spirit, even in the face of personal disappointment, is one of the most important goals a man can have. A person can be submissive in his behavior without being sub- missive in his heart.... Learning to be thankful in all...situations will really help to develop the kind of submission that is pleasing to the Lord. It doesn't come easily, but the Lord will help you if you ask Him." [Garry Friesen with J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God, p. 397]
I Thessalonians 5:18
The praise to which God's Word calls us is not a superficial barrage of words, but a deep sense of gratitude based on what God is like and what He has already done for us. As faith thinks on these things, true thanksgiving wells up within the soul. This is not always immediate, and faith may often be required to fight its way through a jungle of crippling doubts, negative feelings, and external problems until it has that clear vision of God and His grace which prompts true praise (see, for example, Psalm 13:1-6). When this true praise finally bursts forth, it creates altered states of mind. Guilt, fear, anger, self-pity, suspicion, resentment, and bitterness are all overthrown; and the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control which are the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23) begin to grow in their place.
Personal Response
10. How can I live this life of praise?
Psalm 9:9,10
Dr. John Claypool lost his young daughter to leukemia. As he watched his little girl suffer, he could see no reason for what was happening to her. He understood how a man could turn against God and at times was not far from doing so himself. But he did not succumb. Instead he found, "...If we are willing, the experience of grief can deepen and widen our ability to participate in life. We can become more grateful for the gifts we have been given, more open-handed in our handling of the events of life, more sensitive to the whole mysterious process of life, and more trusting in our adventure with God." [John Claypool, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, p. 103]
Psalm 30:4,5
"In hours of pain and grief
We learn in Him unfaltering faith and trust,
Only because we will and not because we must."
[W. O. Carver, The Self-Interpretation of Jesus, p. 94]
Psalm 34:22
"Grace's worst is better than the world's best..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 23]
Proverbs 30:5
"Two children were playing on a hillside, when they noticed the hour was nearing sunset, and one said wonderingly: 'See how far the sun has gone! A little while ago it was right over that tree, and now it is low down in the sky.' 'Only it isn't the sun that moves; it's the earth. You know, Father told us,' said the other. The first one shook his head. The sun did move, for he had seen it, and the earth did not move for he had been standing on it all the time. 'I know what I see,' he said triumphantly. 'And I believe Father,' said his brother. So mankind divides today--some accepting only what their senses reveal to them, the others believing the Word of God." [Walter B. Knight, Knight's Master Book of New Illustrations, p. 184]
Isaiah 26:3,4
"A grief accepted loses most of its power to sadden, and all its power to perturb. It is not outward calamities, but a rebellious will that troubles us." [Alexander Maclaren in Robert Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 27]
"It is not miserable to be blind; it is miserable to be incapable of enduring blindness." [John Milton in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 16]
Romans 8:35-37
W. R. Maltby wrote, "In the sermon on the mount, Jesus promised His disciples three things --that they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and that they would get into trouble. They did get into trouble, and found, to their surprise, that they were not afraid. They were absurdly happy, for they laughed over their own troubles, and only cried over other peoples'." [in Leslie Weatherhead, Jesus and Ourselves, p. 253]
"Was His head crowned with thorns, and do we think to be crowned with roses?" [Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial, p. 21]
Romans 15:13
"God is the Creator of the universe, and the comforter of the sorrowing." [Thomas Binney in Theodore L. Cuyler, Recollections of a Long Life: An Autobiography, p. 171]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 3
It is important to remember in times of temptation that homosexuality does bring suffering. I am still not fully immune to the siren songs of sin. There are times of intense loneliness when I hear the whisper, "I am your only chance for love. Yield or you will be forever alone." There are times when I hear the promise, "I can ease your pain and banish the hurt." Then it is vital to remember the pain homosexuality has caused me in the past that I may discern the lie it tells me now.
I need to remember how homosexuality took my self-respect and gave me guilt, took my honor and gave me shame, took my honesty and gave me a double life, took my gentleness and made me an angry man. I need to remember that it led me to betray my God, my wife, my children, my friends, all those who trusted me. I need to remember how it promised relief but gave only pain; promised love but gave only lust and loneliness. I need to remember how it robbed me of my reputation, my family, my friends, and almost destroyed my sanity and my life.
But it is also important to remember that God does bring good out of trouble. Otherwise sorrow will swallow me up and give fresh power to temptation. I need to remember that, just as physi- cal pain warns the body to get out of harm's way, so emotional pain is God's "early warning system" crying, "This is not the way. Walk ye not in it." By it He positions me for grace. Only those who labor and are heavy laden will come to Him for rest (Matthew 11:28-30). He does not delight in the pain or the sin which is its source. He does overrule so as to bring good out of all our troubles as we walk with Him.
This good, for me, has meant a new appreciation of God's love and grace, a new tenderness toward all who struggle with any sin, and the realization that the highway of holiness cannot be traveled alone. We must walk it in fellowship with, and by the help of, God's people. It has meant a new ministry with those who struggle with that which brought my pain and the joy of seeing them find hope and gain freedom. Out of my pain has come a closer walk with God, ever-increasing freedom, new strength and vulnerability, the ability to help others, and perhaps the beginnings of wisdom! These make it all worthwhile.
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 3
1) Write out all the ways you know homosexuality has caused you pain in your journal. Then write all the ways God has or can bring good out of these troubles. Share what you have written with your step coach and begin, by faith, to praise God for the blessings which are or will be yours.
2) Read aloud Psalm 103 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, and praise God for His loving, gracious sovereignty over all that comes to you.
3) Listen to the tape Good? Out of this Mess? and read the brochure Turning Loss Into Profit listed under "STEP 3" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 4 while continuing to work in your workbook. Ask your step coach to recommend a good book from the "HA Book Ministry" list which he believes will help you with Steps 1-7 and begin reading it. Journal what you learn from all this and share your findings with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
STEP 4
We came to believe that God
had already broken the power of homosexuality
and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.
Step 1 shows us our helplessness. Steps 2 through 4 show us how to find our help in God.
Step 2 teaches us to reach out to God as our loving Father who loves, forgives, and accepts us in spite of all that we are and have done. Step 3 teaches us to see Him as our sovereign Lord who so controls our failed lives that there is purpose in our suffering and good can come from all our trouble. Step 4 encourages us to see God as our mighty Savior who "breaks the power of reigning sin and sets the captives free."
It is wonderful to know that God forgives our past and transforms its failures into blessing. But what about the present? Are we forever doomed to failure? Will sin always lord it over us? God forbid!
The Bible teaches that God not only takes care of our past, He transforms our present and assures our future. Scripture says that at the cross God smashed the iron doors which Satan had used to imprison us. God Himself has entered our dark cell and holds out His hand to us, encouraging us to walk with Him into the glorious light of freedom and change!
1. Who brought all sin and misery into the world?
II Corinthians 11:3
"You all know the father of sin, that is, the devil.... The devil is the father, lust the mother, consent the midwife, and custom the nurse; if consent bring it forth, custom will bring it up." [Thomas Adams, A Commentary on the Second Epistle General of St. Peter, p. 50]
Ephesians 6:12
"Satan and his legions are out to disable the body, deceive the mind, and discourage the spirit.... He attacks through morals, through the mind, through moods." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 79]
I John 3:8
"We were samples of the devil's dirty work, but we are now trophies of God's handiwork." [Stanley C. Baldwin, What Makes You So Special?, p. 59]
"So human nature can be changed!--praise God!" [J. I, Packer, "The New Man," Understand- ing Bible Teaching, p. 6]
I Peter 5:8
"Do not let the Evil One persuade you that you can have any secrets from him." [Franz Kafka in Leadership, p. 119]
"John Calvin reminds us that though Satan may rage about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, yet he has a bit in his mouth and it is God who holds the reins." [B. B. Warfield, Faith and Life, p. 27]
Revelation 12:9
While the devil is popularly depicted as a man with horns, tail, and pitchfork, masking the dreadful reality of evil, the Bible plainly exposes him. It uses many names to describe Satan because he is terribly complex and appears in many forms in real life.
"DEVIL = (Gr.) the accuser or slanderer (Job i.6-11, ii.1-7; Rev. xii.10). Heb. Satan means adversary....
"There is but one Devil, many 'demons'.... Peter when tempting Jesus to shun the cross did Satan's work, and therefore received Satan's name (Matt. xvi.23); so Judas is called a 'Devil' when acting the Devil's part (John vi.70). Satan's characteristic sins are lying (John viii.44; Gen. iii.4,5); malice and murder (I John iii.12; Gen. iv); pride, 'the condemnation of the Devil,' by which he 'lost his first estate' (I Tim. iii.6; Job xxxviii.15; Isa xiv. 12-15; John xii.31; xvi.11; 2 Pet. ii.4; Jude 6).
"He slanders God to man, and man to God (Gen. iii; Zech. iii). His misrepresentation of God as one arbitrary, selfish, and envious of His creature's happiness, a God to be slavishly feared lest He should hurt, rather than filially loved,....is refuted by God's not sparing His only begotten Son to save us. His slander of good men, as if serving God only for self's sake, is refuted by the case of 'those who lose (in will or deed) their life for Christ's sake.'
"Demons...are spirits who tremble before, but love not, God (Jas. ii.19), incite men to rebellion against Him (Rev. xvi.14). 'Evil spirits' (Acts xix.13,15) recognize Christ the Son of God (Matt. viii.29; Luke iv.41) as absolute Lord over them, and their future Judge; and even flee before exorcism in His name (Mark ix.38). As 'unclean' they can tempt man with unclean thoughts....
"Satan as Beelzebub (Matt. xii.24-30) is at the head of an organized kingdom of darkness, with its 'principalities and powers' to be 'wrestled' against by the children of light....
"Possession with or by a demon or demons is distinctly asserted by Luke (vi.17,18), who as a 'physician' was able to distinguish between the phenomena of disease and those of demonical possession.... In Matt. iv.24, 'those possessed with demons' are distinguished from 'those lunatic'....
"At our Lord's advent as Prince of Light, Satan as prince of darkness, whose ordinary opera- tion is on men's minds by invisible temptation, rushed into open conflict with His kingdom and took possession of men's bodies also. The possessed man lost the power of individual will and reason, his personal consciousness becoming strangely confused with that of the demon in him..." [A. R. Faussett, Bible Cyclopaedia, p. 169-170] "In the gospels, demon-possession is known not just by disintegration of personhood, but also by recognition of Jesus' identity and authority as Son of God, and hostility towards him. Only when this factor appears can demon-possession ever be diagnosed with confidence." [J. I. Packer, God's Words, p. 84]
"...The assumption that demon-possession today might be as common a problem as in Jesus' day is doubtful. From Acts and the epistles it does not look as if it was a common problem even in the apostolic age. The natural way to read the evidence is to suppose that the coming to earth of the Son of God stirred up a great deal of demonic activity which subsided after his ascension. It is to be feared that the preoccupation of some with finding demons everywhere is really an obsessional ego-trip, which Satan can use as a smoke-screen for his real work of spiritual corruption no less effectively than he can use disbelief in his existence to that end." [idem.]
This is not to say that demon possession no longer occurs. It is to say that great discernment must be exercised before ascribing homosexuality to evil spirits. "One should not assume that all homosexuals need deliverance from spirits of homosexuality any more than one would assume that all thieves need deliverance from spirits of robbery.... Those who assume that all problems with homosexuality are demonic in origin only confuse their counselee and leave them in a hope- less state. The counselee will be confused because he will overlook the psychological aspect of his problem, thinking that demons are always to blame. He will feel hopeless because he is always at the whim of other beings, never gaining control of his own choices. Thus, it is a great disservice to any counselee to teach or even imply that all of his problems are demonic.
"If, in the course of counseling, however, the need for deliverance becomes apparent, the Christian counselor should not hesitate to...proceed with the only solution--deliverance." [Michael R. Saia, Counseling the Homosexual, p. 167]
Even with deliverance, there will still be much to do. "Deliverance does not solve relationship problems, it does not bring about any character development, it does not renew the person's mind, and it cannot take the place of a good relationship with God. Deliverance performs one necessary function: it removes a negative influence from the person's life, aiding the person to continue, unhindered, with the normal processes of Christian growth." [ibid., p. 170]
"Satan shall head the last conspiracy against Christ...and shall finally be cast into the lake of fire forever (Rev. xx.7-10). As the destroyer he is represented as the 'roaring lion seeking whom he may devour' (I Pet. v.8). As the deceiver he is the 'serpent.' Though judicially 'cast down to hell' with his sinning angels, 'and delivered into chains of darkness to be reserved unto judgment' (2 Pet. ii.4), he is yet free on earth to the length of his chain, like a chained dog, but no further. He cannot hurt God's elect; his freedom of range in the air and on the earth is that of a chained prisoner under sentence." [A. R. Faussett, Bible Cyclopedia, p. 170]
Personal Response
2. Has Satan's power and that of all his hosts been broken at the cross?
Genesis 3:14,15
"The monumental importance of this verse has been recognized by commentators from ancient times. Its gospel character is so marked that for centuries it has been known as the 'proto- evangel," i.e., 'first gospel,' for it is the first hint of the good news." [Frank E. Gaebelein, Exploring the Bible, p. 116] "Here, at the very beginning of Scripture, compressed in twenty-eight simple words, is the central teaching of God's Word.... In the words of the great Luther, 'Here rises the sun of consolation.'" [ibid., p. 158]
Here we have "the one great central truth of all prophecy--the coming of One, Who, though He should suffer, would in the end crush the head of the old serpent, the Devil." ["Appendixes," The Companion Bible, p. 15] "The bruising of Christ's heel is the most eloquent and impressive way of foretelling the most solemn events; and to point out that the effort made by Satan to evade his doom...would become the very means of insuring its accomplishment; for it was through the death of Christ that he who had the power of death would be destroyed; and all Satan's power and policy brought to an end, and all his works destroyed (Heb. 2:14; I John 3:8; Rev. 20:1-3,10)." [ibid., p. 25]
Matthew 12:28,29
"Jesus here answers the slander of the Pharisees who had said that he cast out devils by Beel- zebub, the prince of the devils. He shows the absurdity of the accusation by comparing the power of the devil with that of a kingdom or a town or a house... If one devil should cast out another, the kingdom of the devils would not stand but would fall asunder. But this does not happen. That is why there is only one explanation for Jesus' power over the demons, viz., that by the Spirit (or the finger of God) he was able to cast them out." [Herman Ridderbos, The Coming of the Kingdom, p. 61]
"There were Jewish exorcists, and the Pharisees did not accuse them of employing diabolical agency. Why then did they accuse Christ of this?... The charge of diabolical agency having been proved to be both absurd and unjust, the alternative of Divine agency is adopted.... The Kingdom of God is come near them, and yet they are far from the Kingdom.... The Messiah had taken prey from Satan by freeing demoniacs from his power; which is evidence that, so far from being the ally of Satan, He has begun to conquer him." [Alfred Plummer, An Exegetical Commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, p. 177]
"...Jesus' superior power over Satan....is already proved at the start by the temptation in the wilderness.... Jesus' rejection of the temptation is already the beginning of his victory and of the coming of the kingdom, although this victory will have to be renewed again and again during his life on earth...." [Herman Ridderbos, The Coming of the Kingdom, p. 62-63]
The powers of hell were finally smashed at the cross and this victory will be fully consummated when Christ returns.
John 12:31-33
"Superficial views of the work of Christ produce superficial Christian lives." [D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, The Cross, p. viii]
Colossians 2:13-15
Some may ask, "If the power of Satan and his hosts was broken at the cross, why do I have such difficulty finding freedom from homosexuality? Why are my struggles so painful? Why do I sometimes fail?"
Our situation is like that of the Allies in World War II. Hitler's power was effectively smashed when the Normandy Beachhead was established. After D Day, it was only a matter of time until VE Day. There were some bloody battles to be fought, but the Nazis were finished!
In like manner, Satan's power was demolished at Calvary. His doom is certain. Our victory is secure. There are still battles to be fought, but victory is ours in Christ! The power of homosexuality has already been broken at the cross!
Personal Response
3. What kind of battle am I fighting?
II Corinthians 10:3-5
"Never cope with a temptation alone, but strive to bring God into the combat." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 364]
I Timothy 6:12
"The individual who is not anchored in God can offer no resistance on his own resources to the physical and moral blandishments of the world." [Carl C. Jung, The Undiscovered Self, p. 34]
Revelation 12:11
The weapons of our warfare are spiritual, not carnal. They have been supplied by the life, death, and resurrection of our Savior. As we learn to use the weapons He has provided, we overcome the evil one.
We are not fighting for future victory but from Christ's accomplished victory already won at the cross. For us, the issue is no longer sin, but faith! We must ask ourselves, "Will I continue to pray desperately, 'Please help me overcome my homosexuality,' or will I say boldly by faith, 'Thank you, Lord, that you have already smashed the power of homosexuality at the cross'?"
Satan is the master of illusion. When we fall, it is because we fall for his lies instead of believing God's truth. In this warfare he uses four big guns: condemnation, sin, law, and death. These can only be spiked by faith--fighting faith!
Personal Response
4. Was the power of homosexuality to condemn the believer broken at the cross?
John 5:24
"You may pile up your sins till they rise like a dark mountain, and then multiply them by ten thousand for those you cannot think of; and after you have tried to enumerate all the sins you have ever committed, just let me bring one verse in and that mountain will melt away: 'The blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanseth us from ALL sin.'" [D. L. Moody, Select Sermons, p. 45]
The great missionary William Carey had these lines written on his tomb:
"A guilty, weak and helpless worm,
On Thy kind arms I fall;
Be Thou my strength and righteousness,
My Jesus and my all."
[C. H. Spurgeon, My Sermon Notes,, p. 618]
Romans 4:6-8
"Question 60. How art thou righteous before God? Answer. Only by a true faith in Jesus Christ; so that, though my conscience accuse me that I have grossly transgressed all the commands of God, and kept none of them, and am still inclined to all evil; notwithstanding God, without any merit of mine, but only of mere grace, grants and imputes to me the perfect satis- faction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ; even so, as if I never had had, nor committed any sin; yea, as if I had fully accomplished all that obedience which Christ hath accomplished for me; inasmuch as I embrace such benefit with a believing heart." [The Heidelberg Catechism]
"...Righteousness comes by faith and not by hustle." [Stephen Brown, No More Mr. Nice Guy!, p. 118]
Romans 8:1
"The fact is, that believers are in a state of conflict, but not in a state of condemnation; and that at the very time when the conflict is the hottest, the believer is still justified." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXIII, (1887), p. 469]
"That living now goes singing down the centuries: in life, in death, in time, in eternity, there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus." [ibid., p. 479]
Ephesians 1:7
When strong homosexual feelings come, we may feel God is pulling away, abandoning us. If we surrender to this feeling, we will inevitably begin to say, "Why resist? Since God is abandoning me in my hour of need, all is lost. Why not abandon myself?" Faith, however, fights back, using "the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" (Ephesians 6:17), and says:
"Father, I know these homosexual feelings are wrong and I want to be free of them. But I won't be free if I let myself think you walk away from me just when I need you most. Jesus was forsaken in my place (see Matthew 27:46). You have therefore promised never to forsake me (see Hebrews 13:5). I am not abandoned! Jesus' blood cleanses me from all sin (see I John 1:7). I am not filthy in your sight! You are not disgusted with me! Jesus is my propitiation (see Romans 3:25)--my wrath-removing sacrifice. You are not angry with me any more. Jesus is my righteousness (see II Corinthians 5:21). Therefore you do not condemn me. You accept me completely in spite of all that I am or have done. You will not impute sin to me (see Romans 4:8). You will not charge my sinful nature or my sinful deeds against me. I renounce these feelings of abandonment. I receive the truth of Scripture. I am now believing that you are walking through this struggle with me so that it loses its power."
Personal Response
5. Was the power of homosexuality to enslave the believer broken at the cross?
"He who supposes that Jesus Christ only lived and died and rose again in order to provide... forgiveness of sins for His people....is...making Him only half a Savior. The Lord Jesus has undertaken everything that His people's souls require: not only to deliver them from the guilt of their sins by His atoning death, but from the dominion of their sins by placing in their hearts the Holy Spirit..." [J. C. Ryle, Holiness, p. 16]
Romans 6:1-4
"...The death, which delivers from the bondage of sin, is followed by a new life of liberty (vv. 8-11), which is not under sin's dominion, but is to be devoted to the service of a new master (vv. 12-14)." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 129]
Romans 6:11
If a wealthy relative leaves you a fortune, you are rich. It will profit you little, however, if you know nothing of your inheritance or do not believe those who tell you of it. You will not benefit from a generous gift you do not know or believe you have. Thus Paul urges us to know and believe the truth--that we are dead to sin and alive to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. "...This is the first exhortation in the epistle... The present tense points to a continuing process; this goes on throughout the Christian life." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 256] "Faith means seeing things as Christ sees them and then acting on the vision." [idem.]
Romans 6:12,13
"The exhortation now advances from faith to practice..." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 130] "Sin fights for the mastery; it calls out an army of the lusts of the body, and seeks to use the members, hand, eye, or tongue as weapons wherewith the lusts may re-establish the rule of unrighteousness." [idem.] "This of course assumes that sin is still there; believers do not have a serene existence from which sin has been blissfully excluded. They are still 'in the flesh' as well as 'in Christ'. Sin is still a force, but Paul's point is that it is not supreme." [Leon Morris, The Epistle to the Romans, p. 257]
II Corinthians 5:14,15
"God has provided the solution... The question is...: Will we accept Christ's death as the pay- ment for our sins and discover the powerful implications of our salvation, or will we continue to follow Satan's lies..." [Robert McGee, The Search for Significance, p. 19]
I Peter 2:24
When strong homosexual temptation attacks the mind, anxiety begins to build. We may think God is condemning us for the temptation we sense in our sinful nature. Feeling rejected, we struggle to resist, but feel driven and helpless. If we surrender to these feelings, we will inevitably begin to say, "Why fight it? Sin is too powerful for me. God is against me. There is no way I can overcome. Why not yield? Why not spare myself the frustration of another fruitless struggle?" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I know these homosexual feelings are wrong and that my sinful nature is corrupt. But I thank you that no matter what I feel, you have no condemnation for me (see Romans 8:1), nothing can separate me from your love (see Romans 8:31-39), and you have smashed the power of sin in Christ (see Galatians 2:20). The victory has already been won and I claim it by faith. Sin may tempt me, trouble me, torture me, even trip me up, if I let it, but it is no longer my master. I reckon myself dead to it. Christ is my Lord. I count myself alive to Him. Thank you, Father, for ending the cruel reign of sin at Calvary and for standing with me in my struggle."
Personal Response
6. Was the power of homosexuality to shame the believer broken at the cross?
Some might say, "I can see how Satan could use the guns of condemnation and sin to trouble God's children, but how can he use God's law as a weapon? Isn't the law 'holy, and just, and good' (see Romans 7:12)?" It is, but the law must be used lawfully (I Timothy 1:8)!
The law can tell us what is right or wrong, but it is "weak through the flesh" (Romans 8:3). It cannot forgive the offender or empower the helpless, and the Bible teaches that we are all ungodly and without strength (Romans 5:6).
The law was not given as the way of deliverance, but in order "that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.... By the law is the knowledge of sin" (Romans 3:19,20). The law works wrath (Romans 4:15) and makes the offence abound (Romans 5:20). It never justifies people (Galatians 2:16; 3:11); it was given to lead people to Christ (Galatians 3:24). Those who are under the law need redemption, and Christ came to be under the law to redeem those who were under the law (Galatians 4:4,5).
Far from empowering us to overcome sin, "the strength of sin is the law" (I Corinthians 15:56). Sin was dead without the law (Romans 7:8), but when the commandment came, sin revived (Romans 7:9), deceived Paul, and slew him (Romans 7:11). Because of our corrupt nature, our sinful passions are actually "aroused by the law" (Romans 7:5 NIV). The law either makes us so discouraged that we say, "What's the use? I'm no good. I'll never measure up!" and surrender to sin, or we become religiously neurotic, trying harder and harder--even by the Holy Spirit--to straighten things out so we can feel presentable before the law while constantly condemning ourselves for never quite making it. As the stress increases, so does our frustration and longing for love and comfort. This makes us even more vulnerable to temptation. Shame at our failure leads us to draw back from God and His people leaving us without the support we need to fight back. And so we succumb.
Therefore, while we should look to the law to teach us right from wrong, we must not look to the law for righteousness or strength. The law is not our Savior! We must look only to Christ for the removal of our guilt and for all our righteousness (see John 1:29 and Philippians 3:8,9). We must look only to the Holy Spirit for power (see Acts 1:8).
Acts 13:38,39
"This does not mean that the law of Moses justified from some things, but Jesus from more. Rather, the meaning is 'forgiveness for everything--which the Law never offered'..." [Leon Morris, The Cross in the New Testament, p. 138] "...Justification is basically a legal term and...it means more than pardon. It indicates that the person concerned is treated as innocent, as having been acquitted at the bar of God's justice. Christ's death is the means of conferring on us the status of being righteous in God's sight." [idem.]
Romans 7:4
"Those who are under law look, though they look in vain, for justification and sanctification by its means. They hope to enter into life by keeping the commandments... The law is their hope and dependence. ...To be...married to Christ is...to place our dependence for all we need on Him; to expect to be justified by His righteousness, sanctified by His Spirit, saved in, by, Him 'with an everlasting salvation.' It is obvious...that we must be completely free from the law in order to our being...married to Christ.... If we are under the law, we are seeking...salvation by our own doings; if we are in Christ, we are saying, 'Surely in the Lord have we righteous- ness and strength.' We cannot be doing both. We must be dead to--free from the law in order to our being united to Christ." [John Brown, Analytical Exposition of the Epistle of Paul to the Romans, p. 123-124]
"The purpose of this 'spiritual marriage...betwixt Christ and His Church'...is 'that we should bring forth fruit unto God.' It is to God's honor, as our Creator, Redeemer, and Lord, that souls wedded to Christ should not remain barren, but be fruitful...in holiness and love." [E. H. Gifford, "Romans," The Bible Commentary IX, p. 136]
Romans 10:4
"The law can pursue a man to Calvary, but no further." [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 152]
Galatians 2:16
"The law commands and makes us know
What duties to our God we owe;
But 'tis the gospel must reveal
Where lies our strength to do His will.
"The law discovers guilt and sin,
And shows how vile our hearts have been;
Only the gospel can express
Forgiving love and cleansing grace.
"What curses does the law denounce
Against the man that fails but once!
But in the gospel Christ appears,
Pardoning the guilt of numerous years.
"My soul, no more attempt to draw
Thy life and comfort from the law:
Fly to the hope the gospel gives:
The man that trusts the promise, lives."
[Isaac Watts in "Hymns," Psalms and Hymns Adapted To Social, Private, and Public Worship in the Presbyterian Church in the United States of America, p. 91]
Galatians 3:10-13
When strong homosexual feelings come over us, we experience anxiety, confusion, and depres- sion. We wonder what we really want. We feel guilty and worthless and fear that we will never be what we ought to be. If we surrender to all this, we will inevitably begin to say, "It's no use! I'll never make it. I'm a failure. Why fight any longer?" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I am struggling with homosexual temptation again. I feel divided. I want to love you, but I feel my corruption. I both hate homosexuality and want it. Sometimes I don't know who I really am. I feel I can never be what you want me to be. But Father, I will not let my corruption frighten me. Christ has received all the condemnation it deserves. In Him, I am righteous before you. In Him, I am complete (see Colossians 2:10). In Him, I measure up. I'm going to stop cutting myself down. In myself I have a long way to go, but that's all right with you. You see me in Christ and are satisfied, so I'm going to stop seeing myself as trying to measure up, and seeing you as never pleased with the outcome. I am going to see myself in Christ--righteous, whole, complete, acceptable, heterosexual--and see you accepting me completely, just where I am, and walking with me, day by day, to teach me by your Word and Spirit to live more like the complete person I am in Christ (see Philippians 1:6). I thank you that as I continue to walk with you, the completeness I now have in Christ, and will experience more and more in my life, will be fully mine in glory (see I John 3:2). Thank you, Father, for freeing me from the frustrating struggle to measure up, by imputing the righteousness of Christ to me. Thank you that I am free to simply get better instead of constantly struggling to make it. And thank you that, as I walk with you, I will one day be fully conformed to the image of your Son."
Personal Response
7. Was the power of homosexuality to enervate the believer broken at the cross?
"The fourth power Christ smashed at the cross is the power of Death....that spiritual, dark force which seems to break down all life energy, chipping away at your goals and eternal longings, leaving you feeling hopeless and stunned by a quiet fear that...the touch of death has rested upon all you have tried to reach for. And you feel, 'My life has been one long struggle of disappoint- ment. Why bother anymore?...'
"But God has intervened. 'As in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.' I Corinthians 15:22, NEB.... Christ broke the power of death by embracing it.... He completely enveloped death and moved in upon its core to rise from within as the Bringer of Life.... Death does not now reign in the kingdom of grace that He governs. Life now reigns." [Colin Cook, Homosexuality: An Open Door?, p. 26]
John 10:10
"One of Faulkner's characters said: 'Between grief and nothing, I'll take grief.' But our choice is between grief and a full life." [Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, and Jean Owen, How To Be Your Own Best Friend, p. 42]
"...Without Him everything else is nothing; and none of it will continue long. Without Him the whole of life is a ridiculous cage where human squirrels keep chasing themselves about in circles, gnawing on a few moral precepts for sustenance while they stop and catch their breath!" [David MacLennan, A Preacher's Primer, p. 14]
Romans 8:2
"Christianity is not adding a burden to our life. It is adding a power, for it is adding Christ..." [Henrietta C. Mears, Thoughts For All Seasons, p. 64]
"If Christ be our Light, we shall not walk in darkness. If He be our Wisdom, we shall not err. If He be our Life, we shall never see death. If He is our Good, we shall fear no evil." [Alexander Maclaren, Expositions of Holy Scripture III, p. 83]
Romans 8:10
"What is meant here by liberty you will first know when you ask not 'from what,' but--first-- 'for what'..." [Helmut Gollwitzer, "True Freedom," Sermons To Intellectuals From Three Continents, p. 81]
Galatians 5:22,23
"Christians sin, but they are forgiven (1 John 1:9; 2:1). Christians sin, but they are restrained from habitual uninterrupted sinning by the work of the Spirit. In verses 22,23, we move from the multiple 'deeds' of the flesh to the singular Greek term 'fruit' of the Spirit." [John MacArthur, Jr., Liberated for Life: Galatians, p. 106-107] "The works of the flesh are many, the fruit of the Spirit is one, yet manifold. The works of the flesh are in a measure independent of each other. It cannot be said that every unregenerate man commits all of them. But he who has the Spirit of Christ has in him the root of all Christian graces." [E. H. Perowne, "The Epistle to the Galatians," The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges, p. 68] "This is the pattern that ought to be seen in the believer. There will be times when we fail to walk in the Spirit, when we break the pattern, but Paul is emphasizing that the fruit must be a frequently visible reality in every true Christian." [John MacArthur, Jr., Liberated for Life: Galatians, p. 107]
"The true man trusts in a strength which is not his, and which he does not feel, does not even always desire." [George MacDonald: 365 Readings, p. 60]
"'But how can God bring this about in me?'--Let Him do it and perhaps you will know." [ibid., p. 99]
Hebrews 2:14,15
After a fall, or when facing temptation, we may find depression overwhelming us. We feel dead inside and find it difficult to pray. Nothing seems to work and we don't even want God any- more. Feeling condemned, we shut down the lines of communication and a sense of aloneness and hopelessness floods our soul. Despair engulfs us. If we surrender to these feelings, we will inevitably begin to say, "How can God have any interest in me when I have no desire for Him? What's the use? I give up!" Faith, however, fights back, using the Word of God, and says:
"Father, I bring these feelings to you. I don't feel like keeping the channels open, but I will. Father, I confess that I have no desire for you. The Bible seems stale, prayer use- less, and the church boring. I feel dead inside! But 'I thank you that this death has no power over my spirit which shares in the resurrection of Jesus. Death has no power over Him. This death-feeling is not the true me. The true me is resurrected with Christ.' [Colin Cook, Homosexuality: An Open Door?, p. 27-28] I refuse to come under the power of death. By faith I acknowledge that my spirit is alive with Christ. Thank you that as I reckon myself alive to God in Christ Jesus (see Romans 6:11), hope will revive and I will joy in you once more."
Personal Response
8. Can God restore what sin has marred?
Joel 2:25
"Through repentance all which had been lost by sin, is restored. In itself...sin is an irreparable evil.... God, through Christ, restores the sinner, blots out sin, and does away with its eternal consequences.... Writers of old say, 'It is pious to believe that the...grace of God which destroys a man's former evils, also reintegrates his good, and that God, when He hath destroyed in a man what is not His, loves the good which He implanted even in the sinner." [E. B. Pusey, The Minor Prophets, p. 192-193]
II Corinthians 5:17
"When Augustine, shortly after his conversion, was accosted on the street by a former mistress of his sinful and licentious days, he turned and walked in the opposite direction. Surprised, the woman cried out, 'Augustine, it is I!' But Augustine proceeded on his way as he cried back to her, 'Yes, but it is not I.'" [Clarence Edward Macartney, Great Interviews of Jesus, p. 18]
Galatians 6:9
"Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to ask for rest; to labor and not to ask for any reward save knowing that we do Thy will." [Ignatius of Loyola in Eerdmans' Handbook to Christian Belief, p. 378]
Personal Response
MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 4
Becoming a Christian does not mean that our faith is perfect or always strong. All too often we fail to take advantage of the treasures of grace available to us through the cross. This is especially true in times of strong temptation when our habitual emotional responses come into play and Satan uses the old feelings of guilt, shame, and fear to stampede us away from the victory Christ has already won for us at the cross.
This sometimes happens when things have been going well. Some time ago, just after working on Step 4, I invited a heterosexual man I had recently met to my apartment to get acquainted. For much of the time he was there, I had to struggle against repeated, unwanted thoughts of ways I might seduce him. While I did not yield, I had not experienced anything so powerful for over a year! I had erotic dreams about him that night. I could see no reason why I was having such feelings at that time.
While I did not fall into the old trap of hopelessness, I did have to struggle for two days to stay out of it. The old feelings that God despised me and that I'd never get free hammered away at me. I repeatedly had to drag myself into my heavenly Father's presence, asking His forgiveness for being one who could have such a struggle, claiming the cleansing power of Christ's blood, and trusting His righteousness to make me fully acceptable to God. I steadfastly refused to allow my feelings to give the lie to God's Word, but hung on for dear life to the truth that God was not angry with me and that He loved me not one whit less because of my struggles. Though I felt the power of homosexuality to tempt and torment, I refused to slip back into the belief that it still had the power to rule me--that it was the master and I was the slave. Instead, I thanked God that I was savingly joined to Christ so that when He died, I died in Him to sin; and that when He rose, I rose in Him to walk in newness of life.
The outcome? I had two days of intermittent and sometimes fierce struggle. But I did not fall, I did not masturbate, and I did not entertain fantasy, but rejected it. Homosexuality harassed me, but it could not lord it over me! "Thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (I Corinthians 15:57)!
HOW YOU CAN WORK STEP 4
1) Write an account of your most recent, serious struggle with homosexual temptation in your journal. Which guns did Satan use against you--condemnation, sin, law, and/or death? How did he use them? How did you respond? How do you plan to respond when he strikes next?
2) Read aloud Psalm 27 every morning when you awake and every evening before you go to sleep, praising God that the power of homosexuality has already been broken at the cross and that He is even now restoring your true personhood.
3) Listen to the tape How To Spike the Devil's Guns under "STEP 4" on the "HA Book Ministry" list. Read Experience, Strength and Hope up to Step 5 while continuing to work in your workbook. Read Homosexuality: An Open Door? from the "HA Book Ministry" list under "FOR THOSE WANTING TO GIVE OR RECEIVE HELP WITH HOMOSEXUALITY". Continue reading the book your step coach recommended to help you with Steps 1-7. Journal what you learn from all this and share what you have written with your step coach.
4) Memorize one of the verses you found helpful in this chapter.
O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer's praise!
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!
Jesus! The name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
'Tis music in the sinner's ears,
'Tis life, and health, and peace.
On this glad day the glorious Sun
Of Righteousness arose;
On my benighted soul He shone,
And filled it with repose.
Then with my heart I first believed,
Believed with faith divine;
Power from the Holy Ghost received
To call the Savior mine.
I felt my Lord's atoning blood
Close to my soul applied;
Me, me He loved--the Son of God:
For me, for me He died.
He breaks the power of cancelled sin,
He sets the prisoner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean,
His blood availed for me.
He speaks--and listening to His voice
New life the dead receive;
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
The humble poor believe.
Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.
My gracious Master, and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of thy name. --Charles Wesley
STEP 5
We came to perceive
that we had accepted a lie about ourselves,
an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.
Who is the real me? That question haunted many of us for years. Homosexuality is not principally a sexual problem, but rather an identity problem. Where could we learn our true identity?
We knew we could not expect our feelings or thoughts to provide the answer because our past experiences had distorted them. Nor could we trust friends who shared our distortions. We were afraid that others who had not experienced our struggle could not understand. Who could we wisely and safely trust to show us who we were?
Over four hundred years ago, one of the Church's greatest teachers wrote: "...It is certain that man never achieves a clear knowledge of himself unless he has first looked upon God's face, and then descends from contemplating Him to scrutinize himself." [John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion I.i.2, p. 37]
God made our first parents in His image (Genesis 1:26,27). They knew God, understood them- selves, were comfortable with each other, and enjoyed a life of healthy love.
Sin changed all that. In place of the beauty which God intended came all the horrors humanity now knows. When we look at people in general, and at ourselves in particular, we no longer see the pure likeness of God. Instead we behold a mass of problems like cruelty, apathy, hatred, resentment, indifference, bitterness, rage, lust, rebellion, greed, immorality, envy, pride, deception, and a thousand other tragic distortions.
The Bible tells us that homosexuality is also a distortion. Scripture teaches that God's plan was for the sexual union of male and female (Genesis 2:24), not for the union of two males or two females (Leviticus 18:22,23).
Something has happened to us that led us to diverge from God's purposes. Where did we go wrong? How can we get back? These are the questions which the 14 Steps help us answer.
Because we understood that distorted ideas about God lead to a twisted concept of self, we began by looking on God's face through His Word and His Son. We found that God is not a distant ogre or a harsh tyrant. He is our loving Father who forgives and accepts us in spite of all (Step 2), our sovereign Lord who is working all things for our ultimate good (Step 3), and our mighty Savior who has delivered us from sin and Satan's power at great cost (Step 4).
As we have begun to better understand God, we are now ready to begin to better understand ourselves. First we must face the lie we have accepted (Step 5), and then we can embrace the truth we have missed (Step 6).
1. What is one source of the longings we sometimes feel?
Psalm 42:1,2
"...Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee." [The Confessions of St. Augustine I:1]
Though we may have trusted in Christ and are completely loved, forgiven, and accepted by our heavenly Father; we may still keep Him at a distance and look for fulfillment elsewhere because of our fears and distortions. Thus we miss true satisfaction.
Psalm 63:1-3
"In comparison with this big world, the human heart is only a small thing. Though the world is so large, it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart. Man's ever-growing soul and its capacities can be satisfied only in the infinite God." [Sundar Singh in Elliott Wright, Holy Company, p. 170]
"Even earth's best and deepest well satisfies not." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 59]
Psalm 84:2
"The blank space in the modern heart, said Julian Huxley, is a 'God-shaped blank.'" [James S. Stewart, Heralds of God, p. 55]
"We may go with the bee from flower to flower, but we shall never have full satisfaction till we come to the infinite God." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 53]
Personal Response
2. What is God's attitude toward man now?
John 3:16
"God loves the unlovely, and it broke His heart to do it. The depth of the love of God is revealed by that wonderful word, 'whosoever.'" [Oswald Chambers, The Highest Good, p. 120]
Romans 1:18
The Bible speaks of God's wrath but assures us that God is love, always and unchangeably (I John 4:8; Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). How can both be true? Since God loves us, He must react against the sin that is destructive to us and others.
Scripture teaches that God's wrath is revealed in handing men and women over to the full force of sin (Romans 1:18,24,26,28). God does not abandon them, but in tough love allows them to experience the results of their poor choices so that, as they look past the experience of pain and grief, they may come to recognize that God Himself is their only true friend and help.
Personal Response
3. Has God revealed Himself to humankind?
Psalm 19:1-3
"Larry Maggard sent this poem to his mother in Isom, Kentucky, in a letter that arrived the same day as the telegram notifying his parents of his death:
'Lord God, I have never spoken to you,
But now I want to say: How do you do?
You see, God, they told me you didn't exist,
And like a fool, I believed all this.
'Last night from a shell hole I saw your sky;
I figured right then they had told me a lie,
Had I taken time to see things you made
I'd have known they weren't calling a spade a spade.
'I wonder, God, if you'll take my hand,
Some how I feel that you'll understand.
Funny I had to come to this hellish place
Before I had time to see your face.
'Well, I guess there isn't much more to say,
But I'm sure glad, God, I met you today.
I guess zero hour will soon be here,
But I'm not afraid since I know you're near.
'The signal! Well God, I'll have to go.
I like you lots, I want you to know.
Look, now, this will be a horrible fight,
Who knows, I may come to your house tonight.
'Tho' I wasn't friendly to you before,
I wonder, God, if you'd wait at your door.
Look, I'm crying! Me shedding tears!
I wish I'd known you these many years.
'Well, I'll have to go now, God. Goodbye.
Strange how, since I met you, I'm not afraid to die!'"
[Christian Times in James C. Hefley, A Dictionary of Illustrations, p. 301]
"An atheist is a man who believes himself an accident." [Francis Thompson in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 44]
Romans 1:19,20
"There are mountains all around the Betty Ford Center, blue-gray in the distance, massive and enduring. Once in a while even a patient who doesn't believe in God will admit that if you look at those mountains long enough, you start to suspect there's something out there greater than you..." [Betty Ford with Chris Chase, Betty: A Glad Awakening, p. 1]
"...When Helen Keller (who had been rendered permanently blind and deaf by illness at the age of nineteen months) was 10 years of age, her father asked Phillips Brooks to tell her about God. Gladly he did so, and the two corresponded as long as he lived. Brooks was 'profoundly im- pressed with the remark she made after the first conversation, that she had always known there was a God, but had not before known His name." [Andrew W. Blackwood, Expository Preach- ing for Today, p. 103]
Romans 2:14,15
"Two things fill the mind with ever-increasing wonder and awe, the more often and the more intensely the mind of thought is drawn to them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me." [Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason, conclusion, The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, p. 284:4]
Though God has revealed Himself clearly in creation and conscience, He has revealed Himself most clearly in Scripture.
II Peter 1:19-21
"I want to know one thing, the way to heaven: how to land safe on that happy shore. God Himself has condescended to teach the way; for this very end He came from heaven. He hath written it down in a book! I have it; here is knowledge enough for me. Let me be homo unis libri (a man of one book). Here then I am, far from the busy ways of men. I sit down alone; only God is here. In His presence I open, I read this book... Is there a doubt concerning the meaning of what I read? Does anything appear dark or intricate? I lift up my heart to the Father of lights. Lord, is it not Thy word, 'If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God'?... Thou has said, 'If any be willing to do Thy will, he shall know.' I am willing to do Thy will; let me know Thy will." [John Wesley in Andrew Blackwood, Preaching From the Bible, p. 24]
Personal Response
4. How has humanity responded to God?
Jeremiah 2:13
"It is natural for the mind to believe, and for the will to love; so that, for want of true objects, they must attach themselves to false." [Blaise Pascal, Pensees, #81]
Jeremiah 4:22
"You can hear it over and over again--all kinds of secondary solutions to secondary problems. Of course these are problems, but they are not the central problem ...The real reason we are in such a mess is that we have turned away from the God who is there and the truth which He has revealed. The problem is that the house is so rotten that even smaller earthquakes shake it to the core." [Francis Schaeffer, Death in the City, p. 58]
Romans 1:21-23
"The fallen self cannot know itself. We do not know who we are, and will search for an identity in someone or something other than God until we find ourselves in Him." [Leanne Payne, The Broken Image, p. 149]
Romans 1:25
"Our world lies on the brink of disaster because we as people have turned our backs on the God who made us. Our only hope is to turn back to Him--one life at a time." [R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 41]
Personal Response
5. Who is behind such responses?
II Corinthians 11:3
"Every sinner is really the devil's drudge." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 361]
II Thessalonians 2:8-10
"...If you despise God's truth you will fall in love with Satan's lie." [A. W. Pink, The Sermon on the Mount, p. 376]
II Timothy 3:13
"Other slaves are forced against their will...but sinners are willing to be slaves, they will not take their freedom; they kiss their fetters." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 150]
Revelation 20:10
"It is so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it." [Ronald Knox in The World Treasury of Religious Quotations, p. 239]
Personal Response
6. What is the result of our abandoning the true God?
Jeremiah 2:19
The Bible teaches us that our struggle is not something that deserves the wrath of God; it is part of the wrath of God which rests on all of fallen humanity. He did not hold us back from the sin we desired, but allowed us to run into evil, that the pain it brought might move us to return to His outstretched arms. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is HIS megaphone to rouse a deaf world." [C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain, p. 93]
Romans says that when people turned from God, He gave them up to immorality (1:24,25), homosexuality (1:26,27), and various kinds of iniquity (1:28-32). "...We can use the parable of the prodigal son to illustrate what this means and what it does not mean. There the father gives up the son who forsakes him. In other words, the father lets him go; the Father in Heaven does not hold anyone back by force either.... But the Father does not forsake or abandon when He gives up: He waits and keeps watch for the one who has run away, waiting for him to turn back from his perversity, for the Father does not give up in order to destroy, but in order to save..." [Walter Luthi, The Letter to the Romans, p. 24]
God speaks of His wrath to urge us to receive the gift of His love, His Son (John 3:16; Romans 5:8), who offered His blood (Romans 3:24,25) "a wrath-removing or propitiatory sacrifice". [William Hendriksen, "An Exposition of Paul's Epistle to the Romans," New Testament Com- mentary I, p. 132] Jesus Christ is God's answer to God's wrath!
Romans 1:24
Having lost touch with God, we lost ourselves. "Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outside of others.
"Early on, we came to feel disconnected--from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.
"We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we know to be free of it was to do it. 'Please connect with me and make me whole!' we cried with out- stretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.
"This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.
"Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another be- cause we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the 'chemistry,' the connection that had the magic, because it by-passed intimacy and true uni