JASON
Christian Ex-Gay Ministry
Der Vater
Aus unserer eigenen Erfahrung in der schwulen Szene sowie aufgrund der Lebensberichte der menschen, die zu uns kommen, können wir sagen, dass der weitaus überwiegende Teil (unserer Erfahrung nach ca. 90 %, wobei diese Zahl rein auf unserer Erfahrung beruht und nicht auf irgendwelchen wissenschaftlichen Studien. Es gibt allerdings auch nachprüfpare Fakten zu diesem Thema, etwa die Erfahrungen wissenschaftlicher Therapeuten - siehe www.narth.com) der homosexuellen Männer Probleme mit dem Vater haben oder hatten. Sei es, dass er gar nicht da war (etwa nach einer Scheidung) oder emotional nicht zugänglich, oder sie emotional, physisch oder gar sexuell missbraucht hat, selbst ein schlechtes Vorbild war oder schlichtweg mit dem "Anderssein" seines Sohnes nicht umgehen konnte und ihn vielleicht mit Bemerkungen sehr verletzt hat. Letztendlich hat all dies dazu geführt, dass wir den Kontakt zur Welt der Männer verloren haben und nicht so sein wollten wie unser Vater - ein Mann. Gleichzeitig wurde die Welt der Männer ein Mythos für uns. Zunächst haben wir noch versucht, Anschluss zu finden - etwa Kontakt zu unserem Vater herzustellen. Irgendwann haben wir es dann aufgegeben. In der Pubertät und mit aufkommenden sexuellen Lüsten wurden wir dann von dem angezogen, was "anders" war als wir uns begriffen haben. Von "richtigen Männern" etwa, die das hatten, das uns fehlte. Zumindest glaubten wir das. Es ist deshalb ungeheur wichtig, dass wir unserem Vater vergeben sowie seine Vergebung suchen sowie unsere Männlichkeit aufbauen lernen, damit wir uns selbst wieder als Mann sehen. Je weniger wir uns als etwas "anderes" oder gar "minderwertigeres" als andere Männer begreifen, desto weniger werden auch unsere sexuellen Lüste nach ihnen. Sie sind dann mehr Kumpel oder Freunde.
Drei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig hören sollte:
1) Ich liebe dich
2) Ich bin stolz auf dich
3) Du bist ein super ... (Sportler, Schwimmer, Musiker - was auch immer)
Drei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig sehen sollte:
1) Papa liebt Mama
2) Papa's Charakter
3) Papa's Herz
Drei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig empfangen sollte:
1) Bestätigende Ermutigung
2) Anleitung für's Leben
3) Jesus in seinem/ihrem Leben
Zwei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig erfahren sollte:
1) Zeit zusammen verbringen - nur Vater und Sohn (Tochter)
2) Männer (Frauen)-Zeremonien
„Er war nur ein kleiner Junge und er konnte die Bestrafung nicht verstehen. Die Bestrafung war notwendig, damit er einige wichtige Lektionen lernen würde und zu einem Mann heranwachsen würde, der richtig und falsch unterscheiden könnte. Aber er konnte all das nicht verstehen. Alles was er wusste, war, dass sein Vater ihn ohne Abendessen in sein Zimmer geschickt hat – und er hatte Hunger. Er dachte, sein Vater würde sich doch nicht so um ihn sorgen, wie seine Worte es vermuten ließen. Immerhin – wenn sein Vater ihn wirklich lieben würde, würde er ihm das Abendessen erlaubt haben. Dann ging die Türe auf, sein Vater kam herein und setzte sich auf‘s Bett. „Sohn,“ sagte er, „Ich weiß, du verstehst das nicht, aber eines Tages wirst du es verstehen. Eines Tages wirst du froh sein, dass ich dich genug geliebt habe, um dich richtig zu erziehen. Aber ich wollte, dass du weißt, dass auch ich heute kein Abendessen hatte und dass ich die Nacht hier bei dir verbringen werde – und dass wir beide zusammen hungrig sein werden.“ Der Junge war natürlich immer noch hungrig, aber irgendwie half ihm das, in den Armen seines Vaters einzuschlafen – ein Vater, der sich mit seinem Hunger identifiziert hatte. Das ist genau das, was auch Gott getan hat.“
(Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge)
Gehen wir auf die Beziehungen eines Jungen zu seinem Vater ein.
Die ersten Bande, die ein Junge knüpft, sind die zur Mutter. Das Kind nimmt deren emotionale Verfassung z.B. über den Klang der Stimme wahr, oder durch Berührung.
Zwischen 18 Monaten und 5 Jahren muss der Junge in seiner Geschlechtsrolle sowohl mündlich als auch körperlich bestätigt werden. Die Wahrnehmung seiner eigenen Sexualität wird über die ersten Menschen in seinem Leben kommen - seine Eltern.
Ab 18 Monaten wird der Junge einen Unterschied zwischen Männern und Frauen wahrnehmen. Er wird merken, dass er eher wie sein Papa aussieht. Der wiederum gewinnt nun an Bedeutung. Der Junge will Kontakt mit ihm aufnehmen. Wenn die Beziehung zum Vater sich gesund entwickelt, entwickelt sich auch eine gesunde sexuelle Identität.
Ist der Vater warmherzig und liebevoll, wird sich der Junge von der Mutter lösen und sich dem Vater zuwenden. Ist der Vater aber kalt, distanziert, uninteressiert, kritisch oder abweisend (in der Wahrnehmung des JUNGEN!), fühlt sich der Sohn verletzt oder zurückgewiesen, was man auch eine "narzisstische Verletzung" nennt.
Oft führt dies dazu, dass der Junge den Eindruck gewinnt, es sei nutzlos, eine Bindung zum Vater herstellen zu wollen. Die Zurückweisung schmerzt ihn sehr. Diese Erfahrungen können zu weiteren Problemen führen, wenn der Junge die nächste Stufe der männlichen Entwicklung erreicht: die Identifikation mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Altersgenossen. Wenn dem Jungen das männliche Selbstvertrauen fehlt, wird die Beziehung zu anderen Jungen fremd werden, und unangenehm, gezwungen. Er wird Kontakte mit gleichaltrigen Jungen vermeiden wollen: Entweder isoliert er sich und findet Sicherheit und Schutz in der Einsamkeit, oder er wendet sich Mädchen zu.
Wenn er dann in die Pubertät eintritt, wird er die Gefühle der Abweisung und Isolation mit der aufkommenden Sexualität verbinden und so seine unbefriedigten emotionalen Bedürfnisse befriedigen wollen. Er wird sich aber nicht dem anderen Geschlecht zuwenden, sondern der für ihn noch völlig fremden Welt der Männer, die für ihn faszinierend ist, weil es etwas ist, das er nicht kennt und nicht besitzt. Das homosexuelle Verhalten ist also ein Versuch des Jungen, mit seinem eigenen Körper vertraut zu werden über den Umweg anderer männlicher Körper.
Es ist bezeichnend, dass Jungen, die gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen haben, diese nicht haben wollen. Und das kann man - besonders heutzutage! - nicht der Gesellschaft anlasten. Die Jungen hoffen ganz einfach, dass dies nur eine Phase ist, die vorüber geht. Viele behalten ihre Neigungen für sich. Christen sagt man, sie sollen beten. Einige versuchen, mit Mädchen anzubandeln, um so ihre Neigungen "verschwinden" zu lassen. Nichts davon wird aber helfen (vom Beten vielleicht einmal abgesehen), da man den betroffenen Jungs ihre Gefühle und Neigungen nicht erklärt. Man lässt sie alleine in ihrer Verwirrung und viele fangen an zu glauben, sie seien homosexuell. Ihre Selbstachtung ist gleich Nul - ebenso ihre Zukunftserwartung. Sie versuchen zu akzeptieren, dass sieschwul sind. Und wenn sie es schon einmal sind, können sie es genauso gut ausleben.
Nach den Schuljahren, wenn der Junge endlich "frei" ist, die Zwänge des Elternhauses und der Kirche überwunden sind, wird er Kontakt zur Schwulenszene aufnehmen und schließlich Sex mit Männern haben.
Wenn man zu diesen Meilensteinen irgendeinen Punkt aus anfangs genannter Liste hinzufügt, wird klar, warum so viele Jungs mit Homosexualität kämpfen - und das in immer früheren Lebensjahren.
(siehe auch: Der neue Weg:Mögliche Ursachen männlicher Homosexualität)
Ein Test um herauszufinden, wie stark das Band zwischen Vater und Sohn (bzw. Mutter und Tochter) ist:
Wenn der Junge (das Mädchen) glücklich ist oder stolz auf das, was er (sie) geschafft hat, wohin läuft er (sie) zuerst? Mutter oder Vater?
Wenn ein Junge etwa immer zu Mamma rennt, ist das Band zwischen Vater und Sohn gestört (Ähnliches gilt für Frauen).
Wenn der Junge (das Mädchen) glücklich ist oder stolz auf das, was er (sie) geschafft hat, wohin läuft er (sie) zuerst? Mutter oder Vater?
Wenn ein Junge etwa immer zu Mamma rennt, ist das Band zwischen Vater und Sohn gestört (Ähnliches gilt für Frauen).
Es muss bei Jungs nicht immer der (emotional oder physisch) abwesende Vater sein, der zur Homosexualität beiträgt. Es können auch Verletzungen durch aggressive und feindselige Brüder oder Gleichaltrige sein. In beiden Fällen hat der Junge aber das Gefühl, er wird seiner Rolle als Mann nicht gerecht - unter all den anderen Männern (Jungs).
Irgendeine Verletzung durch andere Männer gibt es bei jedem homosexuellen Mann.
Jeder Junge will von einer Vaterfigur gehalten und geliebt werden. Er will in die Welt der Männer eingeführt werden und seine Männlichkeit von Gleichaltrigen oder älteren Männern bestätigt bekommen. Wenn keine dieser Beziehungen stark genug ist, um den Jungen in die Welt der Männer einzuführen, wird er sich nach Männern aus einiger Entfernung sehnen.
Irgendeine Verletzung durch andere Männer gibt es bei jedem homosexuellen Mann.
Jeder Junge will von einer Vaterfigur gehalten und geliebt werden. Er will in die Welt der Männer eingeführt werden und seine Männlichkeit von Gleichaltrigen oder älteren Männern bestätigt bekommen. Wenn keine dieser Beziehungen stark genug ist, um den Jungen in die Welt der Männer einzuführen, wird er sich nach Männern aus einiger Entfernung sehnen.
Das erste Band, das jeder Mensch entwickelt, ist das zu seiner Mutter. Als Baby ist sie die erste Bezugsperson. Ein Junge muss sich jedoch irgendwann von ihr lösen (etwa im Alter von 2 Jahren) und seinen Vater als Bezugsperson erkennen. Dafür müssen beide Elternteile mitwirken: die Mutter muss bereits im Laufe der ersten Jahre dafür sorgen, dass der Junge mit allen Fragen und Problemen zuerst zu Papa geht - auch wenn es ihr sehr schwer fällt, das enge Band aufzugeben. Selbst wenn der Junge eher zu ihr kommen will, muss sie ihn sanft zu seinem Vater schieben. Wenn er im Dreck spielt und mit anderen Jungs herumtollt, schimpfe ihn nicht und verhätschele ihn nicht - lobe und ermutige ihn vielmehr dazu! Mache ihm klar, das es Spiele gibt, die eher Mädchen machen sollten und andere, die für Jungs geeigneter sind. Ohne dass das eine besser wäre als das andere.
Der Vater wiederum muss seine Aufgabe auch wahrnehmen. Er muss den Jungen in die Welt der Männer einweisen. Sollte der Junge erkennbare weibliche Verhaltensmuster zeigen, ist es sein Job, ihn davon abzubringen. Wenn dein Junge Frauenkleider und Make-Up tragen will, bringe ihm den Unterschied zwischen Jungs und Mädchen bei und belohne ihn im Gegenzug, wenn er sich in die richtige Richtung bewegt. Dusche mit ihm zusammen (evtl. auch mit den Brüdern oder anderen Männern im Fitnesscenter), damit er den männlichen Körper als etwas natürliches empfindet. Die Mutter hingegen sollte sich nie nachkt vor dem Jungen zeigen.
Mache mit deinem Jungen auch Spiele der "härteren Art" - wie Raufen, Herumbalgen usw. - und lasse ihn auch mal "gewinnen". Versuche aber nicht, einen Vorzeige-Macho aus ihm zu machen. Wenn er kein Fußball-Talent hat, ist das in Ordung. Zwinge ihn nicht dazu. Es ist nicht schlimm, eine künstlerische Ader zu haben - du solltest nur darauf achten, dass sich die Talente deines Jungen in die richtige Bahn bewegen!
Unternimmst du nichts gegen das frühkindliche weibliche Verhalten deines Jungen und lässt ihn einfach gewähren, liegt die Wahrscheinlichkeit, dass er später homosexuell wird, laut Dr. Nicolosi ("Preventing Homosexuality") bei 75%. Du hast also einen erheblichen Einfluss darauf, was aus deinem Jungen später einmal wird - inklusive seiner Geschlechtsidentität!
Erzieh den Knaben für seinen Lebensweg, dann weicht er auch im Alter nicht davon ab. (Sprüche 22:6)
Großbritanniens Hoffnungen auf eine Medaille im 400 m – Lauf der Männer bei den Olympischen Sommerspielen 1992 „wurden zerschmettert, als in der Endrunde des Semifinales“ Derek Redmond „sich lahm dahinschleppte, offensichtlich mit einem gerissenen Muskel. Da stand er – voller Schmerz, nun außer Konkurrenz, aber immer noch entschlossen, den Lauf zu beenden. Als er versuchte, in Richtung Ziellinie zu hüpfen, schien er ca. 100 m vor dem Ziel am Ende seiner Kräfte zu sein. In diesem Moment, lief ein Mann aus dem Zuschauerbereich hinter Derek her, packte ihn um die Hüfte und fing an, ihm zu helfen. Es war sein Vater, Jim Redmond. Als Derek bewusst wurde, wer ihn da hoch hielt und ihn helfend vorwärts trieb, wechselte sein Gesichtsausdruck von Verwunderung hin zu Erleichterung und er wurde von seinen Gefühlen übermannt. Er fasste seinen Vater um den Nacken, umarmte ihn und weinte, als sie sich zusammen in Richtung Ziellinie bewegten. Derek beendete den Lauf, während die Menge die beiden Männer mit Beifallsstürmen unterstützend anfeuerte... Auch wir haben solch einen Vater! (Chap Clark, The Performance Illusion)
„Zwei Kinder spielten auf einem Hügel, als sie bemerkten, dass es fast schon Zeit für den Sonnenuntergang war. Einer sagte verwundert: „Schau, wie weit die Sonne gegangen ist! Noch vor kurzem war sie genau über dem Baum und jetzt ist sie ganz unten am Himmel.“ „Schon, nur dass es nicht die Sonne ist, die sich bewegt, sondern die Erde. Weißt du, Vater hat uns das gesagt,“ sagte der andere. Der erste schüttelte seinen Kopf. Die Sonne bewegte sich doch, denn er hätte das gesehen und die Erde würde sich nicht bewegen, denn er sei dauernd darauf gestanden. „Ich weiß, was ich sehe,“ sagte er triumphierend. „Und ich glaube Vater,“ sagte sein Bruder. So teilt sich auch die Menschheit heutzutage in zwei Lager – einige akzeptieren nur, was sie über ihre Sinne wahrnehmen, andere glauben das Wort Gottes.“ (Walter B. Knight, Knight‘s Master Book of New Illustrations)
„Mein Freund (...) Tom Melton erzählte von der Zeit, als sein 3-jähriger Sohn Brandon versuchte, Tom zu überraschen, indem er ihm ein Glas Milch brachte. Dabei zerbrach Brandon das Glas, verschüttete die Milch über die ganze Küche und machte Tom von Kopf bis Fuß nass. Während es Brandon dämmerte, dass er den Plan verpfuscht haben könnte, füllten sich Tom‘s Augen mit Tränen, da ihn die Liebe zu seinem Sohn übermannte. „Es stimmt,“ erinnerte sich Tom, „er hat alles verpfuscht, was er angefasst hat. Aber er ist mein Sohn und ich konnte einfach nicht aufhören, daran zu denken, wie sehr ich ihn liebte.“ (Chap Clarke, The Performance Illusion)
„Wenn ein junger Mann ernsthaft seinen eigenen Vater zurückweist (selbst mit „gutem Grund“), so muss er oft als Erwachsener feststellen, dass er seine eigene Männlichkeit zurückgewiesen hat.“ „Ein Elternteil zu hassen, bedeutet sich selbst zu hassen.“ „Wir können nicht einfach ein Mitglied unserer Familie abtrennen, besonders nicht den Vater oder die Mutter, ohne einen Teil von uns selbst abzutrennen.“ (Leanne Payne, Crisis in Masculinity)
„And so I wasn‘t there to see him as he began to sink into himself. I wasn‘t there to sense that he might be drifting toward that unimaginable realm of fantasy and isolation that it would take nearly 30 years to recognize.“
Lionel Dahmer
A Father‘s Story
Der Kinder Ehre sind ihre Väter. Sprüche 17:6
Die durch die Abwesenheit des Vaters verursachte Wunde
Ein ständig andauernder sozialer oder spiritueller Defizit, der normalerweise in einer gesunden Beziehung zum Vater befriedigt wird und nun mit anderen Mitteln gestillt werden muss.
Die durch den Vater verursachte Wunde
„Mein Vater hat mich öffentlich blamiert!“
„Er hat mich fertig gemacht!“
„Er hat mich verlassen!“
„Er hat mir keine Luft zum Atmen gelassen!“
„Er hat mich im Stich gelassen!“
„Er hat mich wütend gemacht!“
„Er hat was mich betrifft versagt!“
„Ich war nie gut genug für ihn!“
„Nie hat er gesagt, dass ich gut in etwas bin!“
„Er hat mir absolut nichts hinterlassen!“
„Er war nicht das, was ein Vater sein sollte!“
„Er hat mir nie gesagt, dass er mich liebt!“
Was sollte jeder Sohn von einem Vater hören, der sich von seiner Mutter getrennt hat?
"Es tut mir leid, mein Sohn. Wirst du mir vergeben?"
Was sollte jeder Sohn von einem Vater hören, der sich von seiner Mutter getrennt hat?
"Es tut mir leid, mein Sohn. Wirst du mir vergeben?"
Ihr Väter, reizt eure Kinder nicht zum Zorn, sondern erzieht sie in der Zucht und Weisung des Herrn! Epheser 6:4
Wenn in der Vater-Sohn Beziehung etwas schief läuft:
• Ärger und Schmerz
• Extremes Verhalten und Suchtprobleme bzw. Besessenheit
• Ein Gefühl des Verlorenseins oder der Unvollständigkeit
• Homosexualität
Was jeder Sohn von seinem Vater will und braucht:
1. Zeit miteinander verbringen
2. Die Fähigkeit zu erlernen, im Leben zurecht zu kommen (siehe: Sprüche 22:6)
3. Eine Orientierung mit vernünftigen Antworten auf seine Fragen (etwa: "Was bedeuet es, ein Mann zu sein?" "Was ist der Sinn des Lebens?") Siehe: Deuteronomium 6
4. Überzeugungen, die er am Beispiel des Vaters erkennt (Wie der Vater lebt und was er sagt: Integrität). Siehe: 1. Thessalonicher 2:10-11
5. Das Herz seines Vaters ("Ich liebe dich / Ich bin stolz auf dich / Du bist ein toller ...) Siehe: Matthäus 17:5
Diese Worte, auf die ich dich heute verpflichte, sollen auf deinem Herzen geschrieben stehen. Du sollst sie deinen Söhnen wiederholen. Du sollst von ihnen reden, wenn du zu Hause sitzt und wenn du auf der Straße gehst, wenn du dich schlafen legst und wenn du aufstehst.
Deuteronomium 6:6-7
Deuteronomium 6:6-7
Was sollte ein Vater tun?
• Zeit mit seinem Sohn verbringen.
• Ihm die nötigen Fertigkeiten für‘s Leben beibringen.
• Ihm die nötige Richtung geben.
• Überzeugungen vermitteln, indem man selbst Vorbild ist.
• Das Herz eines Vaters haben und auch zeigen.
Ihr seid Zeugen, und auch Gott ist Zeuge, wie gottgefällig, gerecht und untadelig wir uns euch, den Gläubigen, gegenüber verhalten haben. Ihr wisst auch, dass wir, wie ein Vater seine Kinder, jeden Einzelnen von euch ermahnt, ermutigt und beschworen haben zu leben, wie es Gotteswürdig ist, der euch zu seinem Reich und zu seiner Herrlichkeit beruft.
1Thessalonicher 2:10-12
Erzieh den Knaben für seinen Lebensweg, dann weicht er auch im Alter nicht davon ab. (Sprüche 22:6)
Das ist mein geliebter Sohn, an dem ich Gefallen gefunden habe; auf ihn sollt ihr hören.
Matthäus 17:5
Matthäus 17:5
Was sollte ein Vater im Hinblick auf seine Ehefrau und Töchter tun?
- mit seiner Frau eine klare Definition davon einrichten, was es heißt, eine richtige Frau zu sein
- ihr helfen, zuhause bei den Kindern bleiben zu können (besonders in den ersten Lebensjahren)
- wahre weibliche Werte in seiner Frau und in seinen Töchtern unterstützen, ehren und loben
- mit seinen Töchtern ab und zu ausgehen, etwas unternehmen und auf persönlicher Basis an ihrem Leben teilnehmen
- Zeremonien unterstützen, die ihre wahre Weiblichkeit feiern und markieren
- ihr helfen, zuhause bei den Kindern bleiben zu können (besonders in den ersten Lebensjahren)
- wahre weibliche Werte in seiner Frau und in seinen Töchtern unterstützen, ehren und loben
- mit seinen Töchtern ab und zu ausgehen, etwas unternehmen und auf persönlicher Basis an ihrem Leben teilnehmen
- Zeremonien unterstützen, die ihre wahre Weiblichkeit feiern und markieren
(Dr. Robert Lewis)
Eltern
Wenn Gott mir etwas in den letzten Jahren gezeigt hat, dann die Art und Weise, wie ich meine Eltern sehe.
Wie sehr neigt man doch manchmal dazu, der eigenen Kindheit die Schuld für alles Schlechte im späteren Leben zu geben? Man hat die Kindheitsjahre als eine Zeit in Erinnerung, in der man sehr unglücklich und alleine war. In der man sich wenig geliebt gefühlt hat. Und vielleicht war dies bei manchen auch so. Vielleicht habt ihr wenig Liebe erfahren, stattdessen aber viele Schläge. Vielleicht hat man sich tatsächlich wenig um euch gekümmert. Vielleicht seit ihr Zeugen von vielen Streitigkeiten zwischen euren Eltern geworden, in denen ihr - ob ihr es nun gewollt habt oder nicht - mit hineingezogen wurdet.
Bei manchen sind möglicherweise noch schlimmere Sachen geschehen.
Das mag alles so gewesen sein und ist bestimmt durch nichts zu entschuldigen. Aber durchaus zu erklären.
Wenn ich euch einige Tips geben darf:
1) Man hat die Geschehnisse in der Kindheit oft anders in Erinnerung, als sie sich tatsächlich abgespielt haben. Nicht, dass das so wichtig ist - letztendlich kommt es z.B. nicht darauf an, ob ein Kind tatsächlich geliebt wurde oder nicht - wenn es das Gefühl hatte, nicht geliebt worden zu sein, reicht das, um Schaden anzurichten. Es hilft aber durchaus, einmal nachzudenken und mit anderen Zeitzeugen zu sprechen, um heraus zu finden, ob sich das alles tatsächlich so zugetragen hat. Oft erzählen wir unbewusst und ohne böse Absicht Sachen aus unserer Kindheit, die sich vielleicht nie so zugetragen haben - alleine, weil unser Gedächtnis uns hier einen Streich spielt. Hierdurch geben wir falsches Zeugnis ab und verletzen die Beteiligten.
2) Waren wir selbst denn so gute Söhne und Töchter? Haben wir uns immer vorbildlich verhalten? Wie haben wir unsere Eltern behandelt und mit ihnen geredet - und wie tun wir das heute?
3) Es hilft auch sehr, mehr über die Vergangenheit der eigenen Eltern in Erfahrung zu bringen. Wie sind sie selbst aufgewachsen? Was haben sie alles erlebt und durchgemacht? Wenn man selbst nie Liebe erfahren hat, dürfte es schwer fallen, sie weiter zu geben. Wenn man selbst eine kaputte Familie hatte, ist es unglaublich schwer, später eine gesunde aufzubauen!
4) Wir sind nicht Sklaven unserer Vergangenheit. Selbst wenn hier schlimme Sachen geschehen sind - wir sind nun erwachsene Menschen und dürfen nicht zulassen, dass die unerledigten Angelegenheiten aus der Vergangenheit unsere Zukunft bestimmen! Ja, man muss diese Dinge einmal auspacken und angehen - dann ist es aber auch gut und sie sollten wieder geschlossen werden und für immer ruhen.
5) Oft erzählen einem die Menschen, dass ihre Eltern ihnen nie gesagt hätten, dass sie ihren Sohn oder ihre Tochter lieben, dass sie stolz auf sie sind und dass sie gut in irgend etwas sind. Das mag so gewesen sein. Vielleicht haben sie es aber durch Gesten oder Taten gezeigt? Im übrigen ist es noch nicht zu spät: schnappt euch euren Vater oder eure Mutter und verbringt Zeit mit ihnen! Stellt ihnen all' die Fragen, die ihr habt! Vor allem fragt sie direkt: "Liebst du mich?" Sagt ihnen auch selbst, dass ihr sie liebt! Verpasst diese Gelegenheit nicht - eines Tages könnte es zu spät sein!
6) Egal, was geschehen ist - Gott hat uns aufgetragen, zu vergeben - und die Vergebung anderer zu suchen. Tut dies! Vergebt euren Eltern, falls sie euch gegenüber Fehler gemacht haben! Liebt sie, wie Jesus uns geliebt hat! Kümmert euch um sie und behandelt sie eurerseits mit Liebe, Achtung und Respekt - dadurch zeigt ihr wahre Größe, gleichzeitig auch Demut und Glauben!
7) Es ist nicht leicht, Kinder zu erziehen. Schon gar nicht zu der Zeit, als ihr geboren wurdet! Wer selbst Kinder hat, weiß das und respektiert die eigenen Eltern!
8) Sprecht mit euren Eltern auch über Gott und euren Glauben!
9) All das ist mit Sicherheit nicht leicht und braucht Zeit. Wunden brauchen Zeit, um zu heilen. Auch Versöhnung braucht Zeit - und viel Mut. Es ist nicht leicht, auf den Menschen mit Liebe zuzugehen, der einen einmal verletzt hat. Ihm zu vergeben und zu lieben. Nichts anderes hat Jesus aber uns gegenüber getan - und wenn wir wollen, dass Er uns vergibt, müssen auch wir dies tun. Dadurch zeigen wir unseren Eltern auch, dass uns unsere eigenen Fehler bewusst sind und dass wir sie gut machen wollen.
10) Es ist für niemanden leicht, über Verletzungen aus der Vergangenheit zu reden. Irgendwann muss dies aber einmal geschehen. Dass sollte kommentarlos von allen Beteiligten zur Kenntnis genommen werden. Nur so können Wunden auch einmal heilen. Der Betroffenen tut dies nicht, um andere zu verletzen, sondern all die aufgestauten Verletzungen einmal los zu werden. Es kommt hierbei nicht darauf an, ob sich das in Realität alles tatsächlich so abgespielt hat, sondern wie wir es damals empfunden haben. Das muss einmal heraus - und dann für immer in der Vergangenheit ruhen.
11) Sucht euch bei Bedarf auch Hilfe und Unterstützung bei Seelsorgern oder auch Fachleuten (Psychotherapeuten, Psychiatern etc.). Das ist keine Schande, sondern ein Zeichen von Stärke.
12) Und jetzt geht aufeinander zu, vergebt und liebt euch und behaltet die verstorbenen Elternteile in liebevoller Erinnerung! Erinnert euch an die guten Sachen, die glücklichen Momente und bewahrt diese wie einen Schatz in euren Herzen!
Wie sehr neigt man doch manchmal dazu, der eigenen Kindheit die Schuld für alles Schlechte im späteren Leben zu geben? Man hat die Kindheitsjahre als eine Zeit in Erinnerung, in der man sehr unglücklich und alleine war. In der man sich wenig geliebt gefühlt hat. Und vielleicht war dies bei manchen auch so. Vielleicht habt ihr wenig Liebe erfahren, stattdessen aber viele Schläge. Vielleicht hat man sich tatsächlich wenig um euch gekümmert. Vielleicht seit ihr Zeugen von vielen Streitigkeiten zwischen euren Eltern geworden, in denen ihr - ob ihr es nun gewollt habt oder nicht - mit hineingezogen wurdet.
Bei manchen sind möglicherweise noch schlimmere Sachen geschehen.
Das mag alles so gewesen sein und ist bestimmt durch nichts zu entschuldigen. Aber durchaus zu erklären.
Wenn ich euch einige Tips geben darf:
1) Man hat die Geschehnisse in der Kindheit oft anders in Erinnerung, als sie sich tatsächlich abgespielt haben. Nicht, dass das so wichtig ist - letztendlich kommt es z.B. nicht darauf an, ob ein Kind tatsächlich geliebt wurde oder nicht - wenn es das Gefühl hatte, nicht geliebt worden zu sein, reicht das, um Schaden anzurichten. Es hilft aber durchaus, einmal nachzudenken und mit anderen Zeitzeugen zu sprechen, um heraus zu finden, ob sich das alles tatsächlich so zugetragen hat. Oft erzählen wir unbewusst und ohne böse Absicht Sachen aus unserer Kindheit, die sich vielleicht nie so zugetragen haben - alleine, weil unser Gedächtnis uns hier einen Streich spielt. Hierdurch geben wir falsches Zeugnis ab und verletzen die Beteiligten.
2) Waren wir selbst denn so gute Söhne und Töchter? Haben wir uns immer vorbildlich verhalten? Wie haben wir unsere Eltern behandelt und mit ihnen geredet - und wie tun wir das heute?
3) Es hilft auch sehr, mehr über die Vergangenheit der eigenen Eltern in Erfahrung zu bringen. Wie sind sie selbst aufgewachsen? Was haben sie alles erlebt und durchgemacht? Wenn man selbst nie Liebe erfahren hat, dürfte es schwer fallen, sie weiter zu geben. Wenn man selbst eine kaputte Familie hatte, ist es unglaublich schwer, später eine gesunde aufzubauen!
4) Wir sind nicht Sklaven unserer Vergangenheit. Selbst wenn hier schlimme Sachen geschehen sind - wir sind nun erwachsene Menschen und dürfen nicht zulassen, dass die unerledigten Angelegenheiten aus der Vergangenheit unsere Zukunft bestimmen! Ja, man muss diese Dinge einmal auspacken und angehen - dann ist es aber auch gut und sie sollten wieder geschlossen werden und für immer ruhen.
5) Oft erzählen einem die Menschen, dass ihre Eltern ihnen nie gesagt hätten, dass sie ihren Sohn oder ihre Tochter lieben, dass sie stolz auf sie sind und dass sie gut in irgend etwas sind. Das mag so gewesen sein. Vielleicht haben sie es aber durch Gesten oder Taten gezeigt? Im übrigen ist es noch nicht zu spät: schnappt euch euren Vater oder eure Mutter und verbringt Zeit mit ihnen! Stellt ihnen all' die Fragen, die ihr habt! Vor allem fragt sie direkt: "Liebst du mich?" Sagt ihnen auch selbst, dass ihr sie liebt! Verpasst diese Gelegenheit nicht - eines Tages könnte es zu spät sein!
6) Egal, was geschehen ist - Gott hat uns aufgetragen, zu vergeben - und die Vergebung anderer zu suchen. Tut dies! Vergebt euren Eltern, falls sie euch gegenüber Fehler gemacht haben! Liebt sie, wie Jesus uns geliebt hat! Kümmert euch um sie und behandelt sie eurerseits mit Liebe, Achtung und Respekt - dadurch zeigt ihr wahre Größe, gleichzeitig auch Demut und Glauben!
7) Es ist nicht leicht, Kinder zu erziehen. Schon gar nicht zu der Zeit, als ihr geboren wurdet! Wer selbst Kinder hat, weiß das und respektiert die eigenen Eltern!
8) Sprecht mit euren Eltern auch über Gott und euren Glauben!
9) All das ist mit Sicherheit nicht leicht und braucht Zeit. Wunden brauchen Zeit, um zu heilen. Auch Versöhnung braucht Zeit - und viel Mut. Es ist nicht leicht, auf den Menschen mit Liebe zuzugehen, der einen einmal verletzt hat. Ihm zu vergeben und zu lieben. Nichts anderes hat Jesus aber uns gegenüber getan - und wenn wir wollen, dass Er uns vergibt, müssen auch wir dies tun. Dadurch zeigen wir unseren Eltern auch, dass uns unsere eigenen Fehler bewusst sind und dass wir sie gut machen wollen.
10) Es ist für niemanden leicht, über Verletzungen aus der Vergangenheit zu reden. Irgendwann muss dies aber einmal geschehen. Dass sollte kommentarlos von allen Beteiligten zur Kenntnis genommen werden. Nur so können Wunden auch einmal heilen. Der Betroffenen tut dies nicht, um andere zu verletzen, sondern all die aufgestauten Verletzungen einmal los zu werden. Es kommt hierbei nicht darauf an, ob sich das in Realität alles tatsächlich so abgespielt hat, sondern wie wir es damals empfunden haben. Das muss einmal heraus - und dann für immer in der Vergangenheit ruhen.
11) Sucht euch bei Bedarf auch Hilfe und Unterstützung bei Seelsorgern oder auch Fachleuten (Psychotherapeuten, Psychiatern etc.). Das ist keine Schande, sondern ein Zeichen von Stärke.
12) Und jetzt geht aufeinander zu, vergebt und liebt euch und behaltet die verstorbenen Elternteile in liebevoller Erinnerung! Erinnert euch an die guten Sachen, die glücklichen Momente und bewahrt diese wie einen Schatz in euren Herzen!
More stuff..
Predigt von James:
Introduction : Leonardo Da Vinci’s The Last Supper
Display: Powerpoint with The Last Supper
I would like to point out a few historical inaccuracies with Leonardo’s The Last Supper: Table, Glasses, Time of Day, Architectural structure of the room, Characters: Hair styles reflect Italian 15th C hairstyles, skin color reflects Italian men, not Israeli men of the 1st C.
Judas – Facing Jesus, Judas is the 3rd Character to the left. Has a knife in his hand and has darker skin because he was considered the evil one. It was common at this time to paint evil persons as darker.
Art is rarely intended to be historically accurate. What Leonardo has done, is common among artists, they bring the subject matter of a Biblical story into their own culture. We have a tendency to do the same bringing Biblical stories into our own culture. We must first seek to understand what the original author intended to communicate to the original audience, then apply that message to our culture today, and if we are not careful we will misunderstand the story, and the characters.
As a matter of fact, it is commonly noted that you and I often develop a concept of God, from our understanding of our earthly fathers. In some sense this is a great honor to dad’s that your children will think of God in the way they think of you. In another sense it is a heavy responsibility to father’s to try to live in such a way that their children will learn something about the character and nature of God.
We will be looking today at the nature of God as our father, we will see truths about the spiritual relationship we can have with God as well as some practical aspects that apply to the earthly relationships of parents and children.
Luke 15:11-32
This is known as the parable of the prodigal son. A parable is a fictional story told in order to convey spiritual truths. It is an allegory if you will. The problem with allegories is that people tend to want to look at every detail in the story and relate it to some spiritual truth. Some people will even do that with factual stories, even if that is not the intention of the original author. There is even a parable that likens God to an unjust judge. Since God is not unjust, we realize that is not what the author was trying to communicate. So, we have to be careful about how we handle parables. But, a parable is intended to convey spiritual truths, and most commonly a basic principle can be discerned in relationship with each character. In this story there are three main characters and we will see three characteristics of restoring relationships.
Read
Luke 15:11,12
What Jesus said there would have absolutely shocked his audience, because this type of scenario just would have never happened in that culture. When a father died his possessions would be divided among his sons with the oldest son receiving two shares. So here, the younger son received 1/3. When the younger son asked for his share of the estate, it was total disrespect to the father and it was the equivalent of saying “I wish you were dead.” Children can say things that are really hurtful sometimes. Even without using the words, when they treat you like the only thing they value about you is what they can get out of you. That is what we see this young man saying.
V13 Sounds like a college kid to me, taking all of his parents money and throwing it all away on wild living. Prodigal just means wasteful. The parties, the food, the women, the fast camels. Some people feel like they deserve to have the finest of everything – selfishness, wrapped up in pursuing his own pleasure not considering any body but himself. He was living for the moment on somebody else’s dime.
V14-16
Until one day he realizes all he had was gone. Most people think that is the time to call the folks and ask for more, but he already burned that bridge, so he had to find a j-o-b, and all he could find was working on a farm feeding pigs. When the money ran out, so did his friends. A famine came and he became so hungry he would have loved to have some of those carob pods (a legume that looks something like a pea), that was used to feed the pigs. Have you ever been caught behind a truck transporting pigs, or driven by a pig farm, it reminds me of the times I had to travel to a waste water treatment plant with one of my jobs, it stunk.
V17-20a Confession, Repentance, Humility
I have sinned against heaven and against you – Honest confession goes a long way in restoring relationships. Recognized what he did was an offense against his dad, and God.
Repentance: Change of mind that results in a change of action.
Humble: Not worthy – we are more inclined to say, OK I blew it now forgive me, and we feel like they owe us that. Well, this guy said I know I am not worthy of full restoration, not worthy to be considered your son.
So often we have to hit rock bottom, before we can look up and turn our lives over to God.
Humble repentance will always bring forgiveness when it comes to God.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Illus: Although many elements in this story remind me of my own life, in many ways there are stronger parallels in my sister’s story, than there is to mine. So, I am going to share a little about it. When I was very young my sister was the prodigal child, living an ungodly lifestyle. My father was a strict disciplinarian, and filled with anger unleashed on my sister. Before long she had gone to court to gain her independence from the family and won. She continued in this lifestyle until one day she visited a church, God changed her heart and she abandoned that lifestyle and her heavenly father forgave her completely. Her earthly father on the other hand rarely sees her. She has tried to rebuild the relationship, to bring her children to visit, but through the years he has always been too busy when she calls. He may come around once or twice a year to offer some money to cover gifts for a year to the grandchildren, but that is about all he will do.
Let’s take a look at the father in this story, representing the heavenly father, we see how he responds.
V20b – 24 The father’s forgiveness is immediate, complete, unmerited and extravagant.
Jesus again shocks his audience with a picture of a father looking out for his son, seeing him from a distance, and running to him. In that culture, no father would run to his son, it would have been condemned socially.
Physical touch -
He didn’t wait on the son to beg for forgiveness, he ran when he saw the son coming. It says he hugged him and kissed him. These are physical displays of affection. In our culture often it is not considered masculine for men to hug and kiss their sons, especially once they are older. But I think that is a problem, I think we should feel comfortable showing physical forms of affection between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, parents and their children. Kids may resist at first because it is awkward, and you because it is not a common norm, then maybe it needs to be a hug before your child leaves the house in the morning, or a peck on the forehead before going to bed, but there are simple ways to express love that can have a powerful affect on a child, they need to know you care.
Immediate & unmerited: He didn’t wait for the son to complete his speech. I think it was important the child was humble and repentant, too often we feel we don’t need to confess our sins, we think they should just be overlooked, but I think it was important that the son confessed, and recognized his wrong. The father however, didn’t wait for him to prove his repentance. He didn’t make him earn his way back into status as a son. The son did nothing to merit his father’s forgiveness: GRACE
He didn’t receive 2nd class status, received the full status of a son and the best of everything was his; fully forgiven, fully loved, and fully welcomed. Gifts: The father had a robe put on him, as a guest of honor. He had shoes to show he was no slave he was free, and he had a ring to show he had the authority of a son. All rights restored. He wasn’t given gifts to go back out in prodigal living.
God doesn’t hold your past over your head, he lets it go completely.
Celebrate restored relationships: celebrate when good things happen in the lives of your family.
Illus: I greatly respect that about B. G., I believe he does some things as a father very well. Words of Affirmation: He constantly praises his children when they do well, not just for being the best, but when they put forth their best. He rejoices with those who rejoice and weeps with those who weep. Quality Time: He shows them he cares by sacrificially making them a priority in his life. He strives to be there when something important is going on in their lives.
Children today often feel unloved: I know growing up I did. When they don’t find love at home, they will look for it somewhere else. Parents, look for ways to constantly be showing your kids that you love them. They need that security, acceptance.
Children: Often your parents love you but don’t know how to express it. Be receptive when they try to show you ways they love you. Let them know you appreciate it when they do. Let down your guard, and look for the best in your parents. Today being father’s day, you should find some way to tell your dad how much you appreciate the things he has done for you.
No matter how far we have gone from God, if we repent he will receive us. He will forgive completely, love graciously, and just like God we should love others not based on their merit.
V 25-32 When it comes to God, love is not merited, and we should treat one another in the same way.
Comparison: How often do we compare ourselves with someone else and wonder why they have it so good. I am just as good as they are, haven’t I worked as hard as so and so. Why, don’t they recognize me, why don’t I get parties thrown for me? Why me?
Kids do this all the time, they think parents are unfair if they are not treated exactly alike. They usually only call unfair when the other person gets something good, not when they are being disciplined. Every person is different, and needs to be treated differently, yet with the same love.
How often if we are the older brother do we play the cynic: We don’t trust the one who went wayward, we don’t think they deserve anything, we loose site of the grace by which we all receive God’s love. We get into a works mentality. Well, I give more, I serve more. The father reassures the older son all that he has is his, he will get what is coming to him. But his son which was dead is alive, he was lost and is now found. It is a time to celebrate and rejoice.
Don’t be jealous of what someone else has, don’t look and compare yourselves with them. Rejoice with others when they are blessed, especially when they enter into the family of God.
Conclusion: Father’s Day – show your father how much you appreciate him. Words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, gifts. Show your heavenly father how much you appreciate him.
Song by George Straight: Love without end, Amen.
Last night I dreamed I died and stood outside those pearly gates.
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake.
If they know half the things I've done, they'll never let me in.
And then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again.
And he said, "Let me tell you a secret about a father's love,
A secret that my daddy said was just between us."
He said, "Daddies don't just love their children every now and then.
It's a love without end, amen, it's a love without end, amen."
Der Liebesbrief des Vaters
Mein Kind,
Ich kenne dich ganz genau, selbst wenn du mich vielleicht noch nicht kennst.
Psalm 139,1
Ich weiß, wann du aufstehst und wann du schlafen gehst. Psalm 139,3
Ich kenne alle deine Wege. Psalm 139,3
Ich habe alle Haare auf deinem Kopf gezählt. Matthäus 10,29-31
Ich habe dich nach meinem Bild geschaffen. 1. Mose 1,27
Durch mich lebst und existierst du. Apostelgeschichte 17,28
Du bist mein Kind. Apostelgeschichte 17,28
Ich kannte dich schon, bevor du geboren wurdest. Jeremia 1,4-5
Ich habe dich berufen, als ich die Schöpfung geplant habe.
Epheser 1,11-12
Du warst kein Unfall. Ich habe jeden einzelnen
Tag deines Lebens in mein Buch geschrieben. Psalm 139,15-16
Ich habe den Zeitpunkt und den Ort deiner Geburt bestimmt und mir überlegt,
wo du leben würdest. Apostelgeschichte 17,26
Ich habe dich auf erstaunliche und wunderbare Weise geschaffen.
Psalm 139,14
Ich habe dich im Leib deiner Mutter kunstvoll gestaltet. Psalm 139,13
Ich habe dich am Tag deiner Geburt hervorgerufen. Psalm 71,6
Menschen, die mich nicht kannten, haben mich in falscher
Weise repräsentiert. Johannes 8,41-44
Ich bin nicht weit von dir weg oder zornig auf dich. Ich bin die Liebe in Person.
1. Johannes 4,16
Ich wünsche mir nichts sehnlicher, als dir meine Liebe verschwenderisch zu schenken.
1. Johannes 3,1
Ich biete dir mehr an, als ein Vater auf der Erde es je könnte. Matthäus 7,11
Ich bin der vollkommene Vater. Matthäus 5,48
Alle guten Dinge, die du empfängst, kommen von mir. Jakobus 1,17
Ich stille alle deine Bedürfnisse und sorge für dich. Matthäus 6,31-33
Ich habe Pläne für dich, die voller Zukunft und Hoffnung sind.
Jeremia 29,11
Ich liebe dich mit einer Liebe, die nie aufhören wird. Jeremia 31,3
Meine guten Gedanken über dich sind so zahlreich wie der Sand am Meeresstrand.
Psalm 139,17-18
Ich freue mich so sehr über dich, dass ich nur jubeln kann. Zephania 3,17
Ich werde nie aufhören, dir Gutes zu tun. Jeremia 32,40
Du bist für mich ein kostbarer Schatz. 2. Mose 19,5
Ich wünsche mir zutiefst, dich fest zu gründen und deinem Leben Halt zu geben.
Jeremia 32,41
Ich will dir große und unfassbare Dinge zeigen. Jeremia 33,3
Wenn du mich von ganzem Herzen suchen wirst,
werde ich mich von dir finden lassen. 5. Mose 4,29
Habe deine Freude an mir - ich will dir das geben, wonach du dich sehnst.
Psalm 37,4
Ich selbst habe diese Wünsche und Sehnsüchte in dich hineingelegt
Philipper 2,13
Ich kann viel mehr für dich tun, als du es dir denken kannst. Epheser 3,20
Ich bin derjenige, der dich am meisten ermutigt. 2. Thessalonicher 2,16-17
Wenn dein Herz zerbrochen ist, bin ich dir nahe. Psalm 34,18
Wie ein Hirte ein Lamm trägt, so trage ich dich an meinem Herzen. Jesaja 40,11
Eines Tages werde ich jede Träne von deinen Augen abwischen.
Offenbarung 21,3-4
Und ich werde alle Schmerzen deines Lebens wegnehmen.
Offenbarung 21,3-4
Ich bin dein Vater und ich liebe dich genauso, wie ich meinen Sohn Jesus liebe.
Johannes 17,23
Jesus spiegelt mein Wesen in vollkommener Weise wider. Hebräer 1,3
Er kam auf diese Welt, um zu zeigen, dass ich nicht gegen dich bin,
sondern für dich. Römer 8,32
Er kam, um dir zu sagen, dass ich deine Sünden nicht länger anrechne.
2. Korinther 5,18-19
Jesus starb, damit du und ich wieder versöhnt werden können.
2. Korinther 5,18-19
Sein Tod war der extremste Ausdruck meiner Liebe zu dir.
1. Johannes 4,10
Ich habe alles für dich aufgegeben, weil ich deine Liebe gewinnen will.
Römer 8,31-32
Wenn du das Geschenk, das Jesus dir macht, annimmst, empfängst du meine Liebe.
1. Johannes 2,23
Nichts kann dich jemals von meiner Liebe trennen. Römer 8,38-39
Komm nach Hause, damit wir die beste Party feiern können,
die der Himmel je gesehen hat. Lukas 15,7
Ich war schon immer dein Vater und werde immer ein Vater für dich sein.
Epheser 3,14-15
Ich frage dich nun: Willst du mein Kind sein? Johannes 1,12-13
Ich warte auf dich. Lukas 15,11-32
Alles Liebe,
dein Papa,
der allmächtige Gott
Permission To Copy:
Please feel free to copy this text and share it with your friends as long as you do so free of charge
and you include the following copyright information...
"Father's Love Letter Used By Permission Father Heart Communications
Copyright 2001 Translated by Kerstin Hack
www.FathersLoveLetter.com"
Resources
You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know von John Eldredge von Nelson Books (Taschenbuch - Mai 2004)
Raising a Modern-Day Knight von Stu Weber (Vorwort), Robert Lewis
Focus on the Family Publishing (April 1999)
Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem von David Blankenhorn von Basic Books
Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child von Kyle D. Pruett von Broadway Books (Taschenbuch - Mai 2001)
Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be von Ross Parke und Armin A. Brott von Houghton Mifflin Company
Fatherhood (Developing Child (Paperback)) von Ross D. Parke von Harvard University Press
Father Memories: How to Discover the Unique Powerful and Lasting Impact Your Father Has on Your Adult Life and Relationships von Randy L. Carson von Moody Pr
Father Hunger von Robert S. McGee von Vine Books (Taschenbuch - Juli 1993)
Und der Grashalm sprach... Vater-Sohn-Geschichten (Broschiert)
von Adrian Plass
Bringing Up Boys
by Dr. James C. Dobson (Paperback)
Dr. James Dobson's latest book shoots straight about the many important ways boys are distinctively, instinctively different.
(Suggested Donation: US $15.00)
Authentic Masculinity
(2 Paperbacks & Hardcover)
Resources that help define manhood.
(Suggested Donation: US $39.00)
A Father's Legacy
(Hardcover, Paperback & Broadcast CD)
Resources that show men how effective and loving leadership can cause a family to flourish!
(Suggested Donation: US $32.00)
Single Dads' Tool Kit
by Mike Klumpp, George Newman, and Gary Richmond (3 Book Set)
Practical advice for the single parent dad.
(Suggested Donation: US $27.00)
Your Child DVD Parenting Seminar: Home Edition
by Dr. James Dobson (3 DVDs & parent's guide)
Raising children has "come a long way" since you were a kid. Where do you get the help you need?
(Suggested Donation: US $40.00)
To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father von Donald Miller und John Macmurray von Navpress Publishing Group (Taschenbuch - 5 Februar 2006)
Father and Son: The Wound, the Healing, the Call to Manhood von Gordon Dalbey von Thomas Nelson Inc (Gebundene Ausgabe - Mai 1992)
Sons of the Father von Gordon Dalbey von Tyndale House Pub (Taschenbuch - Oktober 1996)
Raising a Modern-Day Knight von Stu Weber (Vorwort), Robert Lewis
Focus on the Family Publishing (April 1999)
Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child von Kyle D. Pruett von Broadway Books (Taschenbuch - Mai 2001)
Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be von Ross Parke und Armin A. Brott von Houghton Mifflin Company
Fatherhood (Developing Child (Paperback)) von Ross D. Parke von Harvard University Press
Father Memories: How to Discover the Unique Powerful and Lasting Impact Your Father Has on Your Adult Life and Relationships von Randy L. Carson von Moody Pr
Father Hunger von Robert S. McGee von Vine Books (Taschenbuch - Juli 1993)
Und der Grashalm sprach... Vater-Sohn-Geschichten (Broschiert)
von Adrian Plass
Bringing Up Boys
by Dr. James C. Dobson (Paperback)
Dr. James Dobson's latest book shoots straight about the many important ways boys are distinctively, instinctively different.
(Suggested Donation: US $15.00)
Authentic Masculinity
(2 Paperbacks & Hardcover)
Resources that help define manhood.
(Suggested Donation: US $39.00)
A Father's Legacy
(Hardcover, Paperback & Broadcast CD)
Resources that show men how effective and loving leadership can cause a family to flourish!
(Suggested Donation: US $32.00)
Single Dads' Tool Kit
by Mike Klumpp, George Newman, and Gary Richmond (3 Book Set)
Practical advice for the single parent dad.
(Suggested Donation: US $27.00)
Your Child DVD Parenting Seminar: Home Edition
by Dr. James Dobson (3 DVDs & parent's guide)
Raising children has "come a long way" since you were a kid. Where do you get the help you need?
(Suggested Donation: US $40.00)
To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father von Donald Miller und John Macmurray von Navpress Publishing Group (Taschenbuch - 5 Februar 2006)
Father and Son: The Wound, the Healing, the Call to Manhood von Gordon Dalbey von Thomas Nelson Inc (Gebundene Ausgabe - Mai 1992)
Sons of the Father von Gordon Dalbey von Tyndale House Pub (Taschenbuch - Oktober 1996)
Messages By Douglas McIntyre, Co-Founder Of Homosexuals Anonymous
Robert, After a long and very stressful absence I am back to the computer and the group discussion.
All
the discussion of fathers was the first message I opened. Here is a
very simple thought that came to me on the subject. We all have father
issues. If we did not, we would not be in the SSA mode.
My
answer was to "Get a new father." By beginning a total search for My
Heavenly father I could begin to understand that my earthly father had
done the best he could. I didn't think it was good enough but I never
think anything is good enough.
As
the "steps" teach, I had believed a lie. (about my father and his
methods of bringing me up) The truth is, He was brought up by his
father who got it all wrong too. They never know how to express love
to us the way we think it should be done. The only way to get through
these issues is to ,perhaps, find the truth of my new Father and how
much He loves me and wants me to succeed. I recieved all the strength
and love I had missed when I started that approach to finding my
father. As part of the serenity prayer I read accept the things you
cannot change, change the things you can and have the wisdom to know
the difference. I could not change my real father! He was a product
of his father. ( no changing that either) but once you discover the
thruth of the Heavenly father all goes into proper perspective. I can
then begin to grow into the person that I was created to be. A man, in
Christ, that understands fatherly love properly.
By
the way this process has taken almost 30 years and I still learn new
things about my Father every day. However it is a wonderful study!
My Father says "You have His blessing in your study of Him and you are a wonderful person. Thats all that counts.
Your older brother, Doug M.
(see also http://www.acceptancefellowship.org/)
Robert W,
I'm
so glad I read your posts yesterday. It is good to meet you. As some
on this site will attest, I am a fanatic on praising and thanking for
the unseen. The quest to understand the "father" issue is a wonderful
way to practice that concept. Once we understand that our
understanding of our parents is flawed (perhaps based on good evidence)
and they were only the product of their own family histories, We gain a
wonderful in site when we literally begin "Praising God" for the
ability to see them as God sees them. The angry, overbearing,
neglectful, absent or (you fill in the blank) father was simply a
sinful man that Christ loved so much he died to give him new life.
When we begin to praise for the ability to see that man as god sees him
a new insight floods our being. We can see that child weeping and
screaming and begging to be loved just like we did. He becomes a new
person to us. He is no longer the one who failed us, He is the one who
did not know how to love us because he had no example to follow.
Forgivness then becomes possible and weeping with him, and for him,
becomes part of us.
The
only way to gain this insite is to begin "praising for the truth of our
fathers". As we praise God and thank Him for new understanding A
beautiful transformation will take over our own lives. Our hearts of
stone will reach out to that "little child" and the good things we
want for "him" will begin to become part of ourselves. I can only urge
you to begin praising for understanding and experience the love of
forgivness begin to grow in yourself.
Have a day of praise and thankfulness, Doug M.
(see also http://www.acceptancefellowship.org/)
Unser Vater im Himmel...
Der liebende Vater
1. Johannes 3,1-2
1. Johannes 4,8-10
Der wartende Vater
Lukas 15,11,32
Der Vater, der für uns sorgt und uns Gutes gibt.
1. Petrus 5,7
Matthäus 7,11
Der treue Vater
2. Timotheus 2,13
Einer, der uns unterrichtet und leitet
Jesaja 48,17-18
Der Vater, der uns rettet und schützt
Psalm 91,1-3
Unser Schöpfer
Apostelgeschichte 17,28
Jesaja 64,8
Ein erziehender Vater
Hebräer 12,5-6
Ein tröstender Vater
2. Korinther 1,3-4
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Vater und Anwalt der Vaterlosen
Psalm 68,6
Ein vergebender Vater
2. Mose 34,7
Psalm 130,3-4
Epheser 1,7
Ein vollkommener, gerechter und aufrichtiger Vater
5. Mose 32,4-6
Ein heiliger Vater
3. Mose 19,2
Jesaja 6,1-7
Ein barmherziger, gnädiger, geduldiger Vater
2. Mose 34,6-7
Lukas 6,36
Psalm 103,8-13
Der Vater des Friedens
1. Korinther 1,3
Galater 1,3
Der Vater, der uns reich segnet
Epheser 1,3
Der Vater, der uns Hoffnung gibt
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Ein allmächtiger Vater
2. Korinther 6,18
1. Johannes 3,1-2
1. Johannes 4,8-10
Der wartende Vater
Lukas 15,11,32
Der Vater, der für uns sorgt und uns Gutes gibt.
1. Petrus 5,7
Matthäus 7,11
Der treue Vater
2. Timotheus 2,13
Einer, der uns unterrichtet und leitet
Jesaja 48,17-18
Der Vater, der uns rettet und schützt
Psalm 91,1-3
Unser Schöpfer
Apostelgeschichte 17,28
Jesaja 64,8
Ein erziehender Vater
Hebräer 12,5-6
Ein tröstender Vater
2. Korinther 1,3-4
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Vater und Anwalt der Vaterlosen
Psalm 68,6
Ein vergebender Vater
2. Mose 34,7
Psalm 130,3-4
Epheser 1,7
Ein vollkommener, gerechter und aufrichtiger Vater
5. Mose 32,4-6
Ein heiliger Vater
3. Mose 19,2
Jesaja 6,1-7
Ein barmherziger, gnädiger, geduldiger Vater
2. Mose 34,6-7
Lukas 6,36
Psalm 103,8-13
Der Vater des Friedens
1. Korinther 1,3
Galater 1,3
Der Vater, der uns reich segnet
Der Vater, der uns Hoffnung gibt
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Ein allmächtiger Vater
2. Korinther 6,18
From HA Online
I watched a Sy Rodgers video and it had an enormous impact on me. It dealt with forgiveness. God
grabbed me by the throat and really showed me how my hatred and
bitterness toward my father had poised my life and the destruction that
it has created. The reaction to my father was totally understandable, but it was wrong and it was my reaction, and so much of my problem stems not from what he did but from that reaction. My hatred made me want to be completely different from him. That hatred has sewn destruction for years, producing in me actions and reactions to others that
have poisoned every one of my relationships. God
showed me how that hatred of my father had created contempt for other
males and had then engendered rejection by peers and eventually even
peer rejection to the point of sexual abuse. God showed me how I had
repeated the same mistakes over and over again with friends because of
that hatred.
Sy used this illustration. He
talked about the man that had abused him, that he had decided to
“forgive” him, but that he still fantasized about bad things happening
to the man, because he desperately wanted justice for himself against
this man who had so abused him, then God said something to Sy, What
would you have Me do to him? Do you want Me to expose him, humiliate him, and have the entire community run him out of town on a rail? Maybe you could follow him with a crowd to the outskirts of the city and after beating him hang him on a cross? As Sy walked me, suckered me really, through the illustration I had
a vision of my father and as I looked on approvingly at his suffering,
as I got closer I realized it wasn’t my father – it was Jesus who I was
gleefully watching suffer. And I watched as I saw Jesus suffering for my father’s sins against me. Suddenly I felt so much shame for the hatred in my heart. I was calling on Christ to
suffer. God
also showed me through this illustration that God deeply loves my
father and suffered and died for his sins, including the sins he
committed against me, that when I hold my sin against my father and
call for his suffering and humiliation, that Jesus took on that
suffering - suffering that my father deserved, that I am calling on
Christ to suffer. The suffering I wanted called down on
him - God took that suffering my father deserved onto Himself and I had
to forgive him from my heart, not just from my head.
I
wept uncontrollably, great heaving sobs, for over an hour as I
continually had to stop the DVD to cry out to God for forgiveness for
the coldness of my heart and beg for forgiveness and lament for the
waste and the destruction I had brought onto myself. It felt like sackcloth and ashes. I
think for the first time in a long time I had to take a level of
responsibility for my present challenge that I have never taken before
instead of blaming it all on Wendell or God or my mother or my peers as
I saw exactly how my hatred had been the real tool to destroy my
masculinity and everything else that I blamed for my problem – the
rejection of peers, father and self – had been a reflection of that
hate shining back at me as if in a mirror. It was wrenching and not particularly a lot of fun, but I also realized God was doing a work in my heart. Pray that this work will be a seed planted in good soil and that the birds of
the air will not come down and steal it.
God forgives me. God
was never orchestrating things to hurt me, instead through my hatred I
was orchestrating things, manipulating people and events to my own
destruction. Instead God was there all the time offering
Himself as a comforter and a father to me to fill up the void and to
give me the Grace to forgive and to be whole.
D.
Dad
Guys,
it is so important that men spend time with their fathers. Has your father ever told you the three things that every son should hear from his father: that he loves you, that he is proud of you and that you are good at something (see also www.mensfraternity.com)?
If not so, you should ask him whether he loves you. Call him today (!), set an appointment for both of you guys (and nobody else!) to go to some place for the weekend. And then ask him all the questions you have always wanted to ask him. Like if he loves you. Don't let him get off with cheap responses like "Well, you know I love all of my kids.". Ask him if he loves YOU. Men need to hear that so badly they carry the hurt of not having heard it for the rest of their lives with them. This hurt, however, might surface in a violent and dramatic way at some pint. It could be that we hurt ourselves or others just to cope with the pain. It could be that we never learn how to love somebody else just because we haven't experienced it at first place. It could also be that this afflicts the way we see God.
I very much recommend doing that - spending some good quality time with dad. My father is dead. He died in 1994 and I very much regret not having done that in his living years.
But somehow the Lord always gives us second chances - as strange as this might sound.
Some two years ago I was in a town in Southern Germany where there is a huge pilgramage. I was with some friars and they sent me with one of them to sit at a table besides one of the roads where about 7.000 or more people would pass by.
So I did and we talked to many pilgrims.
At some point, some young fellows came to our table. I asked them where they were from and they gave me the name of a small village about five miles from where I was born. I told them that the ancestors from my father's side came from their village. And so we got into talking.
After a while they left - to return with an old man in their midst. One of the young fellows pointed at me and said: "That's him!" The old man looked at me and said, "So your guys are from our village". I answered, "Yes, sir.".
He looked me straight in the eyes and asked: "Are you Sepp's son?" ("Sepp" is the short version for Joseph over here. And this is how my father was called!).
I was petrified. My father died about 13 years before that incident, so what the heck was going on there?
I kinda stuttered that yes, I was Sepp's son.
The old man told me he knew my father from the farm in another small village.
I almost fainted. The friar at my side looked at me. I guess he could tell there was something dramatic going on.
And it was. My father was born in 1928. At the age of nine, his mother died and the kids were sent to other places as his dad was in the war. There was no other way for the children to survive.
My dad came to a farm. He had to sleep under the roof with a hole in it where the snow came in at winter time. And he had to work very hard there, but he survived.
So this old man knew my father from back then! He even gave me the name of the village and the name of the farmer who I had seen once in my life.
I was so stunned I couldn't even really talk. He gave me a warm smile, turned away and left.
To me, this was like a message from the past. A message that reminded me that we are not an island in this world, that our ancestors and most especially our father will always be a part of our lives, even though they are dead. The "cloud of witnesses" Hebrews talks of is always around us.
After the man left, I turned to the friar and explained everything to him. He was amazed, too.
I kept on serving with the friars. After a while, I joined the shift with a young friar and we served in one of the churches.
We had a little room opposite the entrance from where we got in contact with the pilgrims.
After some time, it was about to leave for lunch and we closed the window that connected us with the entrance.
Then, we heard somebody knocking onto that window. First we ignored it, but the knocking persisted.
I opened to see what stubborn guy would do such a thing - and I could not believe my eyes.
My uncle stood there. He knew I was in town, but neither he nor I knew that I was in that room at that moment. Besides it was shut so nobody could even tell there was someone in.
That day has marked me and I will never forget it. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason and at somepoint we will look back at it and see God's guiding hand going throught it like a red threat.
God bless,
Robert
it is so important that men spend time with their fathers. Has your father ever told you the three things that every son should hear from his father: that he loves you, that he is proud of you and that you are good at something (see also www.mensfraternity.com)?
If not so, you should ask him whether he loves you. Call him today (!), set an appointment for both of you guys (and nobody else!) to go to some place for the weekend. And then ask him all the questions you have always wanted to ask him. Like if he loves you. Don't let him get off with cheap responses like "Well, you know I love all of my kids.". Ask him if he loves YOU. Men need to hear that so badly they carry the hurt of not having heard it for the rest of their lives with them. This hurt, however, might surface in a violent and dramatic way at some pint. It could be that we hurt ourselves or others just to cope with the pain. It could be that we never learn how to love somebody else just because we haven't experienced it at first place. It could also be that this afflicts the way we see God.
I very much recommend doing that - spending some good quality time with dad. My father is dead. He died in 1994 and I very much regret not having done that in his living years.
But somehow the Lord always gives us second chances - as strange as this might sound.
Some two years ago I was in a town in Southern Germany where there is a huge pilgramage. I was with some friars and they sent me with one of them to sit at a table besides one of the roads where about 7.000 or more people would pass by.
So I did and we talked to many pilgrims.
At some point, some young fellows came to our table. I asked them where they were from and they gave me the name of a small village about five miles from where I was born. I told them that the ancestors from my father's side came from their village. And so we got into talking.
After a while they left - to return with an old man in their midst. One of the young fellows pointed at me and said: "That's him!" The old man looked at me and said, "So your guys are from our village". I answered, "Yes, sir.".
He looked me straight in the eyes and asked: "Are you Sepp's son?" ("Sepp" is the short version for Joseph over here. And this is how my father was called!).
I was petrified. My father died about 13 years before that incident, so what the heck was going on there?
I kinda stuttered that yes, I was Sepp's son.
The old man told me he knew my father from the farm in another small village.
I almost fainted. The friar at my side looked at me. I guess he could tell there was something dramatic going on.
And it was. My father was born in 1928. At the age of nine, his mother died and the kids were sent to other places as his dad was in the war. There was no other way for the children to survive.
My dad came to a farm. He had to sleep under the roof with a hole in it where the snow came in at winter time. And he had to work very hard there, but he survived.
So this old man knew my father from back then! He even gave me the name of the village and the name of the farmer who I had seen once in my life.
I was so stunned I couldn't even really talk. He gave me a warm smile, turned away and left.
To me, this was like a message from the past. A message that reminded me that we are not an island in this world, that our ancestors and most especially our father will always be a part of our lives, even though they are dead. The "cloud of witnesses" Hebrews talks of is always around us.
After the man left, I turned to the friar and explained everything to him. He was amazed, too.
I kept on serving with the friars. After a while, I joined the shift with a young friar and we served in one of the churches.
We had a little room opposite the entrance from where we got in contact with the pilgrims.
After some time, it was about to leave for lunch and we closed the window that connected us with the entrance.
Then, we heard somebody knocking onto that window. First we ignored it, but the knocking persisted.
I opened to see what stubborn guy would do such a thing - and I could not believe my eyes.
My uncle stood there. He knew I was in town, but neither he nor I knew that I was in that room at that moment. Besides it was shut so nobody could even tell there was someone in.
That day has marked me and I will never forget it. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason and at somepoint we will look back at it and see God's guiding hand going throught it like a red threat.
God bless,
Robert
Links International
National Ressource Center for Catholic Men (USA): http://www.catholicmensresources.org/
Saint Joseph's Covenant Keeprs (USA): http://www.dads.org/
E5 Men (USA): http://www.e5men.org/pages/
Effective Fathers Ministries (USA): http://www.effectivefathers.com/home.htm
National Center for Fathering (USA): http://www.fathers.com/
Great Dads (USA): http://www.greatdads.org/
American Coalition for Fathers and Children: http://www.acfc.org/site/PageServer
Fatherville.com (USA): http://www.fatherville.com/
Focus on the Family (USA): http://www.family.org/
Fatherhood Foundation: http://www.fathersonline.org/
Family Life (USA): http://www.familylife.com/
Family Life Center (USA): http://www.familylifecenter.net/
Blazing Grace (USA): http://www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/healingfatherwounds
Dads on the Air (Australia): http://www.dadsontheair.net/
Dads and Daughters (Australia): http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/
Dad's Uni (Australia): http://www.dadsuni.com/index.cfm?Do=View.Page&PageID=3
Links:
Die Väter männlicher Homosexueller
One Million Dads
Creating Fatherless Families
A Father's Love Article
The Fatherless Family
Focus President Jim Daly discusses the damage caused by absent fathers.
Raising a Modern-Day Knight
Creating Fatherless Families
Mens Fraternity | Christ in the Tetons | A Band of Brothers | Family Time | All Pro Dad
Articles by Gordon Dalbey
Links:
Suzanne Cook - ‘Looking For My Father’s Love’ - www.exodus.to
Effective Fatherhood Requires Marriage
A debate has begun over how best to spend federal money to support dads.
Healing a Man's Father Wound
A Father's Influence
Angry at Dad
Click Here to Read More...
•The Uncle Project
•Byron Child
•Manhood Online
•Steve Biddulph
•Pathways Foundation
•Men's Line
•Men's Health & Wellbeing
•Australian Camp
•Connect Association
•Families NOW
| A 2004 published study suggests that homosexual men recall less emotional intimacy with their fathers than do heterosexual men. |
| Literally absent from literature are studies which compare the father-son relationship as reported by adult male homosexuals whose sexual orientation causes ... |
| Homosexuality is almost certainly due to multiple factors and cannot be reduced soley to a faulty father-son relationship. Fathers of homosexual sons are ... |
| We may contrast this to the boy whose loving father dies, for instance, but who is less vulnerable to later homosexuality. This is because the commonplace ... |
| Unlike the adult client whose father may be deceased or very old, the adolescent's younger-aged father may be more available to participate in treatment. ... |
| October 26, 2004 - In 1980, a psychiatrist named James Herzog wrote a classic paper, "Sleep disturbance and father hunger in 18- to 28-month-old boys. ... |
| In her statement, Ms. Stefanowicz described what her life was like growing up in a home with a gay father. According to Stefanowicz, "I was at high risk of ... |
| Clients who benefit from reparative therapy often relive memories from an early age which signify times they experienced their alienation from their father. ... |
| A father learns of his son's homosexuality and laments that he allowed the boy to be too close to his mother, and to avoid closeness with him and with his ... |
| Our family is close and our father is not the distant, uninvolved type that seems to be common among gay men. My brother was always less athletic and more ... www.narth.com/blogs/currentevents/ |
| Although Chamberlain acknowledges his father's impact on his childhood and ... Chamberlain's rejection of his father and his father's masculinity was a ... |
| In effect, the homosexual man with a relatively older mother and father or with an ... If I generalize a little bit, his father was often somewhat distant, ... |
| Morrison says of his father, who he remembers as generally indifferent: "He was ... He recalls his father's efforts to teach him the multiplication tables, ... |
| Can two gay men be both mother and father to an infant? This heartbreaking book certainly does nothing to promote the cause of gay adoption. ... |
| In his paper, Dr. Byrd summarized the results of decades of research showing that children need both a mother and a father in order to grow into emotionally ... |
| Malcolm's father was his hero; and as a teenager, Malcolm would travel to his father's ... Both father and son share in the delight of son's achievement. ... |
| If a boy feels inadequate in his masculine identity, identifies with his mother instead of his father, feels that he would like to be a girl, those around ... |
| Since anger at rejecting peers or a distant father is extremely common among men who experience same-sex attractions, many men who struggle with SSAD have ... |
| It would be most desirable for that person to be his father, but if that is ... Also, if father is at home, counseling with both would be most desirable. ... |
| A lesser known impact of a biological father in the home is that girls in ... As a result of this early sexual development without a biological father, ... |
| Psychoanalyst James Herzog has just written a sequel to Father Hunger, but the book fails to connect the son's longing for his father's love to the later ... |
| Gordon Dalbey says there is an epidemic of abdicating fathers. Without the love and support of a father, men's sexuality and self-esteem are distorted. |
| "...poor fit between son and father.. A son may require greater emotional contact than a father can supply for practical and/or emotional ... |
| In the paper, the authors outlined the importance of both a mother and a father in the healthful development of children. They observe: "...there is no fact ... |
| A study published in an American Psychological Association journal says that the family of mother and father is not to be seen as natural; ... |
| Dr. William Dreikorn's doctoral dissertation on sexual reorientation of homosexuality found some common themes: father figures that were distant, ... |
| The knowledge that his mother and father care for each other--and that there ... Both boys and girls require the benign relationship of father as a loving ... |
| Then he worked on forgiving the men and boys who had hurt him in his childhood and in his adolescence, especially his father and his brothers. ... |
| The third factor is a father who cherishes his wife and does not degrade her. ... As she imitates her mother and her mother or father praises or ... |
| Differences between the mother and father can be very stimulating to the infant, ... The father is usually larger than the mother, his voice is deeper, ... |
| "The father-son relationship was almost the diametrical opposite of that between mother and son. The paternal portrait was one of a father who was either ... |
| Freud indicated that God was an extension of the father figure. ... Imagery involving God as a loving, caring father whose love is unconditional. ... |
| that preceded it...detached- hostile father, for example, ... The therapist who works with the boy is male, and he solicits the help of the boy's father. ... |
| Alienation from the father in early childhood, because the father was perceived as ... The priest, as a loving and accepting father figure, can through the ... |
| He speculated that his father was also homosexual. ... In short, the central problem with mother-mother or father-father families is that they deliberately ... |
| This article discusses the father injury commonly present in men who struggle ... The boy dis-identifies with his father; he in essence says to himself, ... |
| The overly close and binding relationship with the mother may prevent the young boy from "abandoning" her in order to join his father and his male peers. ... |
| In fact, as a result of his father's lack of interest in him (as a ... In fact, his father described him as having been the "apple of our community's eye. ... |
| In the oedipal stage, separation from mother and bonding with father is a key. ... Hence, there was an unspoken barrier between Father and daughter. ... |
| "If there's one thing I've learned from being a father," said Gordon, ... A successful financial analyst, Gordon was the father of four sons. ... |
| Marriage On Trial provides the reader with sound reasoning and excellent studies and statistics on the importance of the natural mother-father family as the ... |
| Although the mother has more often been over-involved, the father is more often ... The father was either unaware of what was happening in the relationship, ... |
| By the same token, an assertive and outgoing boy often has more in common with the father and he will be actively sought out by the father. ... |
| My father was physically present, but we did not have a close relationship for most ... The element of an over engaged mother, an emotionally absent father, ... |
| 57) from father. This defensive detachment leads the pre-gay male to reject masculinity as portrayed by the father, but to simultaneously long for a close ... |
| ... the Karten research was specifically designed to investigate the following: the respondent's relationship to his father; type of sexual self-identity; ... |
| Fortunately, these brother and father wounds can be healed through the hard work of an understanding and forgiveness process, growth in male confidence and ... |
| My father punished me hard enough when I misbehaved to make sure I would not do it again. ... My father paid no attention to what I was doing in school. ... |
| In the article titled "Deconstructing the Essential Father," the authors argue that "neither mothers nor fathers are essential to child development and that ... |
| In addition, he stresses the father as an important role model and cites many vignettes in which men have found their full masculine selves during therapy. ... |
| Mr. Jones stated that he and his brothers neither liked their father nor ... He described his father as being very tense and inept in social relationships. ... |
| I saw our younger daughter, Beth, daily expressing an anger towards a father who had never understood her needs and who had finally abandoned her. ... |
| In the classic triadic family we have a sensitive boy who did not get the close, affirming relationship with his father that would have confirmed him in his ... |
| A. What makes it so important for the human father to be protective and nurturant, rather than dominant and pugnacious, is that the human infant is so ... |
| In may respects, these therapeutic exchanges parallel the normal developmental dance between a proud and attuned father and an idealizing and vulnerable boy ... |
| All of my older brothers were very athletic, and my father was a football coach ... Jerry: You know in actuality, it's kind of funny...my father was more ... |
| In 1996, Stacey authored "The Father Fixation," an article critiquing the idea that fathers are necessary to children, which was published in the Utne ... |
| Both require the benign relationship of mother and father to them and to each other. This is the beginning of the significance of father as a loving ... |
| The prehomosexual boy is very often lonely, alienated from his father, and experiencing frustrating and deficient same-sex peer relationships. ... |
| The therapist is the father, the masculine frame of reference from which the boy learns how to be a male in relationship with women. ... |
| Mr. "C" was a 47 year old married man, the father of two daughters. He is described as "a devoted father and husband . . . he had a wife and children from ... |
| Her father had left the family early on, and after that time, she was subjected to ... In a way, Wally took the place of his father in his mother's life, ... |
| Also, an extensive history of childhood and adolescent experiences with the father and male peers, and of the body, can identify deep-seated homosexuality. ... |
| For the boy, the father is most significant in the identification process. ... Plus as an added bonus, he gets to reject his rejecting father and similarly, ... |
| Let us say that a father is the head of a household and he is asking each ... A family therapist would not view the father as an evil exploiter and the wife ... |
| He had a strained relationship with his father and began looking for adult male affirmation from other men. The relationship he found eventually turned into ... |
| In reaction to a negligent or unresponsive father, and coupled with an ... I did have a father and two brothers, but I remember having very little ... |
| Time and again we hear such men say, "I never felt close to my father. ... "My mother and I were best friends, and my father was the outsider in the family. ... |
| According to Strozier, Kohut's father was distant, uninvolved and unfaithful to ... Kohut's mother engaged a private tutor to be a father figure for "his ... |
| And there is also a growing shift away from terms like "mother" and "father" to the gender-neutral term "caregiver." And there is also an escalating call ... |
| Father John Harvey, founder of the Catholic ministry Courage, describes his ... Father Harvey, it should be noted, continues to face entrenched opposition ... |
| I wonder, as you might, about my father. Didn't he notice? Why didn't he intervene? I suppose he did notice, but I suspect he didn't know what to do. ... |
| Yet another autobiographical story by a gay man tells the story of early father-son estrangment, offering the revealing observation by the author that this ... |
| This lack of trust or safe feeling with those of the opposite sex usually results from hurts with the father or with other important males, ... |
| "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife ... When he sees that mom favors him over father, (that can be as early as ... |
| His mother was a grade school teacher and his father was a day manager of a ... The father was not able to intervene or he chose not to "upset" his wife. ... |
| When my father was present, there was no peace, only chaos. ... My pastor took up the role of father, and he was everything my father was not. ... |
| In Ms. Poulx's story, the life history of both Jack and Ennis is given a measure of versimillitude by the portrayal of both Jack and Ennis's father as cold ... |
| While children may experience shame for a wide repertoire of behaviors, the pre-homosexual boy somehow felt shamed for desiring attachment to his father-- ... |
| Why was I taught to love god the father instead? As I partake in this spiritual, sexual rite, I know that I, a woman, am entitled to express my sexual self ... |
| As life-long public school educator and administrator, my father, ... The NEA could learn a valuable lesson about fairness from my father the teacher. ... |
| ... are best served when reared in a home with a married mother and father. ... contributing factors to lower inhibitions in my father's relationships." ... |
| that preceeded it...detached-hostile father, for example, ... The therapist who works with the boy is male, and he solicits the help of the boy's father. ... |
| But Charles the husband, father, and parent who had such a love of humanity -- so much that he gave his whole person to it -- will be remembered through his ... |
| My own father was somewhat invisible; he was married to an in-charge, strong-willed ... Like father, like son. I felt invisible when I made that six-point ... |
| Still another boy started having sex with his own father at age ten, and now (he is 33 years old) he looks back on their incestuous relationship as ... |
| The idea is simple: at some point in my childhood years I defensively detached from my father and the masculinity he offered due to hurt in the relationship ... |
| ... outside the organization-and soon after was followed by the intervention of Dr. Robert Spitzer who is often looked upon as the "father" of DSM 3 and 4 ... |
| Educators like Father Hesburgh of Notre Dame said that a university is a place where, presumably, people are in search of the truth. ... |
| ... these differences between men and women are evident in the chromosomes which carry inherited traits from the father and mother. ... |
| He and his three older siblings _ two girls and a boy _ live in a middle-class Broward County neighborhood with their father, an attorney, and their mother, ... |
| But many individual family factors (such as the distant father) are commoner than the individual unique factors. Unique events would include seduction, ... |
| "And despite what many gender researchers claim, research tells us that the absence of a father in the home is not, on balance, good for families." ... |
| If there is also a poor relationship with father, the boy is likely to suffer a gender-identity injury. When combined with the classic dynamic of an ... |
| And sometimes the father takes a special interest in the first son but loses interest in the others, which likewise might contribute to the formation of ... |
| ... for male affirmation and acceptance by fulfilling them, often with new heterosexual male friends and mentor-father figures, instead of repressing them. ... |
| ... other things being equal, for children to grow up with both a mother and a father" since "[i]intuition and experience suggest that a child benefits from ... |
| Children Need Both A Mother And A Father · National Mental Health Association Publishes Parents Guide On Sexual ... Father Hunger and Homosexuality ... |
| And so the anger spilled out of me: anger at my father for being ... Certainly, my father never had any friends, and never went anywhere socially without my ... |
| ... because each person actually has two instructional genes for every protein, receiving one of every gene from his mother and another from his father. ... |
| The first feature in the magazine is titled, "God gave me a gay son: A father's essay," by Tom Nelson. It describes the journey of a Notre Dame graduate who ... |
| ... the Legislature could rationally proceed on the common-sense premise that children will do best with a mother and father in the home." ... |
| Our first speaker is Brian Camenker, a father of two who has himself seen the power of ... Here is a gay father in the student assembly, which is called ... |
| ... the three important relationships that are crucial examples to children at home: that of a husband and wife, mother and father, and male and female. ... |
| ... the three important relationships that are crucial examples to children at home: that of a husband and wife, mother and father, and male and female. ... |
| One member related how it was acceptable for his mother to always be angry, but his father demanded that he always be nice to her, always wear a smile, ... |
| My relationship with my daughters is awesome. But I think some of us guys with a homosexual background think maybe we can't be a very good father to a boy. ... |
| He continues: "Dr. Rekers and Dr. Byrd's summary of some of the vast literature on child development demonstrates the vital importance of a father and a ... |
| His own sexuality has been questioned -he is a divorced father of two who frequents gay bars for the purpose of doing "research. ... |
| In males, homosexuality it is associated with poor relationship with father; difficulty individuating from mother; a sense of masculine deficit; ... |
| ... study by Stoller who noted that boys who had GID had an overly close relationship with their mothers and a distant, peripheral father-son relationship. ... |
| He gives no consideration to the boy's authentic needs for acceptance, affection and approval from members of the same sex, particularly his father and male ... |
| My relationship with my father was always distant, as he was ashamed of his unmasculine ... Neither my father nor mother ever told me that they loved me, ... |
| ... et al. study were actually consistent with the data obtained from the clinical researchers that preceeded it...detached-hostile father, for example, ... |
| Thus the reorientation therapist would work toward helping the gender-disturbed boy connect with his father, disconnect from the (typically) overclose bond ... |
| However due to his developmental experiences--which most often include difficulty in detaching from mother, attaching to father, and joining his peers as an ... |
| Is it possible to emotionally reengage the classic, "disengaged father"? What are some effective therapeutic tools to work through resistance? ... |
| Her father treated her like a son, and she was grossly neglected by her mother, who spent much of the time in bed in a crippling state of depression. ... |
| Because we fail to take a stand that single parenting is undesirable, we are getting more and more kids who don't have a father. And through our compassion ... |
| However Maslow was very clear in saying that the real growth center for human beings is "the authentic family, male, female, mother, father, love, ... |
| Their recollections showed that from earliest childhood these farm boys were more interested in helping mother around the kitchen than in helping father in ... |
| Every lesbian couple with a biological child has an automatic third person--the donor/father--who factors into the family .... Significant changes to the ... |
| There are few bodies of research where the evidence is so clear: children need both a mother and a father. Homes with a married mother and father are, ... |
| A Father's Search for Understanding - Letter · Dr. Uriel Meshoulam Also Urges Caution in Gay Self-Labeling · Planned Parenthood Encourages Valuing of ... |
| Rationale for Sexual Reorientation Therapy Supported in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy · Study Supports the "Weak Father" Theory of Homosexuality ... |
| ... psychoanalytic view of male homosexuality--that it originates from parental influences, resulting in an incomplete identification with the father. ... |
| A Father's Search for Understanding - Letter · Dr. Uriel Meshoulam Also Urges Caution in Gay Self-Labeling · Don't Forsake Homosexuals Who Want Help - ... |
| ... better in a family with a married mother and father because mothers and fathers contribute in complementary ways to the healthy development of children. ... |
| Two NARTH leaders have published important papers on the importance of children being reared in families with a mother and a father. ... |
| ... as evidence that America's pediatricians see no difference between a child being raised by his or her father and mother, or by two men or two women. ... |
| Father Hunger · NARTH Notes - December 2001 · Is Marriage a Universal Right? News from JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) ... |
| Each of these differences from the optimum mother/father setting for stable family life may offer distinctive disadvantages." Thus, the legislature could ... |
| Study Supports the "Weak Father" Theory of Homosexuality · Spitzer Study Published: Evidence Found for Effectiveness of Reorientation Therapy ... |
| Many are emotionally fragile and suffering from what one sociologist has coined "father need." These boys are desperate for male attention and affirmation. ... |
| ... McCullough had earlier sought a deaf sperm donor to father their daughter, Jehanne, as well as later for their son, Gauvin, focus of the Post article. ... |
| Coleman mentioned the expert testimony given by HBIGDA in a Florida custody case* involving a transsexual father. He called upon HBIGDA to fight religious ... |
| You have to make it clear the problem is not rooted in some outdated view of relationships with mother and father. The issue is biology." ... |
| Is it possible to emotionally re-engage the classic, "disengaged father"? In the future we will be discussing Dr. Jeffery Satinover's paper, ... |
| In families, these militant mothers disparage the father's and the son's masculinity; in society, militant gays and feminists attack male sexism and ... |
| In the interview, Dr. Nicolosi states that NARTH "sees the male homosexual condition as rooted in a failure to bond with the father, and the homosexual ... |
| When he admits he's gay to his father, his dad recalls that gay males who served with him in the military service were some of the bravest he knew. ... |
Männlichkeit muß errungen werden
| [6] E. Abelin, Some Further Observations and Comments on the Earliest Role of the Father, International Journal of Psycho-analysis 56, 1975, S. 293-302; ... |
Researcher Surveys Studies On Gay Parenting And Children
| ... in the "warmth of the child's relationship" in a lesbian household with a non-biological mother or father compared to children in heterosexual families. ... |
Judges Rule In Favor Of Lesbian Partner as "Dad"
| ... legal 'motherhood' and 'fatherhood' ... the statutory language does not restrict the parent-child relationship based on gender to a mother and father. ... |
Feminist Psychologist's New Book Defends Lesbian Families
| ... Where Tradition and Science Agree, include the results of dozens of surveys that show the importance of the mother-father two-parent family. ... |
A Boy, His Two Mothers, And Psychosexual Development
| In this new relationship, the boy not only has two mothers, but must cope with the reality of an absent father. Will children in homosexual households ... |
Responding to Pro-Gay Theology
| For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." So they are no longer two, but one. ... |
On Positive Reports of Adult-Child Relationships: Taking a Closer Look
| In reality, of course, such a childhood relationship was a terrible betrayal of trust by the father figure the boy clearly wanted and needed." ... |
Gender Identity Disorders in Boys: A Complimental Series?
| The second is a father who fails to provide needed balance and protection from the ... She went on to marry Bobby's father, who had started out in a highly ... |
APA Research is Increasingly Radical, Anti-Family
| Then in June, the APA's American Psychologist carried an article entitled, "Deconstructing the Essential Father." After studying 200 fathers, ... |
This Is Why I Stand Up for What I Believe...
| Also, the APA's have abandoned the age-old understanding that children need BOTH a mother AND a father. And they've promoted the myth that homosexuality is ... |
This Is Why I Stand Up for What I Believe...
| NARTH sees the natural family of mother and father as the best institution for the protection and nurturing of children. NARTH asserts that scientific data ... |
"Listen to Ex-Gays, Too"
| Early childhood sexual abuse, an emotionally distant and detached father, unhealthy relationships with my mother and grandmothers and a feeling of ... |
NARTH Reacts To Mass. Supreme Judicial Court Decision On Gay Marriage
| Children are best brought up in a home with a mother and father--not two fathers or mothers." NARTH is opposed to the normalization of gay marriage and ... |
Humanistic Psychology and Christianity: A Review of The Emperor's ...
| "You can only oppose it from the traditional standpoint that the ideal is a trinity of mother, father, and child, and that somehow this is ordained in the ... |
Study Supports the "Weak Father" Theory of Homosexuality - NEW
Humanistic Psychology and Christianity: A Review of The Emperor's ...
| "You can only oppose it from the traditional standpoint that the ideal is a trinity of mother, father, and child, and that somehow this is ordained in the ... |
"Well, That's Just the Way I Am"
| We have a loving Father who accepts us just as we are, but one who at the same time calls us to further growth and maturity. We are not free men and women ... |
Links International
NARTH: Father-Son Relationships and Male Sexual Development
Christ in the Tetons (USA)
Fathering Adventures (Australia)
Alan Medinger: The Longing Little Boy
Father At Night by Michael D. O’Brien
Resources
"Das Papa-Handbuch" von Robert Richter und Eberhard Schäfer
Holman CSB Men's Fraternity Bible
Becoming a Man: A Father & Son Journey Together
Meg Meeker: Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
"Boys to Men - The Transforming Power of Virtue" by Tim Gray & Curtis Martin
"The Virtues: Raising Boys into Men" (CD) by Tim Gray and Curtis Martin with Steve Wood
"How to Raise Godly Young Men" (CD) by Sean Dalton
"Legacy: A Father's Handbook for Raising Godly Children" by Stephen Wood
Prof. Dr. Scott Hahn: Christian Fatherhood (CD's)
David Blankenhorn: Fatherless America
Saint Joseph Communications: Fathers, Faith & Family (CD's)
St. Pauls: Rev. Benedict Groeschel CFR, Ed.D: Kowing the Father - Understanding the Depths of Love and Mercy that Surround Us (CD)
Brian J. Gaile: Fatherless
More Books
"As Iron Sharpens Iron: Building Character in a Mentoring Relationship" by Howard Hendricks
"They Call Me Dad: The Practical Art of Effective Fathering" by Ken Canfield
"His Needs, Her Needs - 15th Anniversary Edition" by Williard F. Harley, Jr.
"What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women" by Dr. James Dobson
"Being God's Man in Leading a Family, the Every Man Series, Bible Studies" by Stephen Arterburn, Kenny Luck & Todd Wendorff
"If Only He Knew: Understanding Your Wife" by Garey Smalley
"Point Man - Revised & Expanded" by Steve Farrar
"Every Man's Marriage" by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey
"A Husband After God's Own Heart: 12 Things That Really Matter in Your Marriage" by Jim George
"Legacy : A Father's Handbook for Raising Godly Children" by Stephen Wood
(see also: Men of Integrity - Recommended Books)
