Rape
Rape is the meaning of shame and dirt, feeling
helpless and cold there are no words to explain
its nightmares.
Every night and day looking back and blaming
yourself no-one to turn too just a black hole waiting
to take your life, feeling that you don’t trust
any-one to tell.
I wonder to myself what were they thinking, countless
times being rape on a daily basis; maybe, just maybe
I’ve done something to deserve this? Maybe I’m wrong?
The pain of rape once is enough, no less have I suffered
this a thousand times or more, being touched and hurt in
places which were once mine, the pain and coldness runs
through my spine just thinking of it.
The turning of my stomach makes me throw up, suppressed and
suppressed deeper and deeper into the mind. Why me?
Why me? I shout out loud, I scream out for help and they
just laugh at me.
Coming and going
The days did come
The nights did go
But where they went
I will never know
The days did come
When I felt sad
But forever more
I start to feel bad
The nights did go
When I returned to bed
And all he said
Was I want sex
He hurt my body
He hurt my soul
But from now on
I’ll hit that goal
From my heart lays Pain of the untold
It’s not easy being a male
Especially when you keep
Being raped, if that’s the word
You call it, from childhood to
Teenage
I hate being depressed
But my attitude may not change
Especially after what has happened
And now I’m forever being hurt
The worry, the pain
The feelings of stress
Can anybody help me?
From feeling so fucking
Depressed?
He tied my hands to each side
As I laid their silently with a
Broken & tearful heart
The pain, the hurt he gave me
Hasn’t faded even after such a
Long time
I cried for help
Sitting around looking at a window frame
Thinking about some freedom
Locked in a room for hours on end
With only a glass of water
Looking and glaring at the ceilings of my cell
Feeling for help and some kind of healing
Knock on the door, which means more
He enters the room, with belts hanging in his hands
He starts to tie down my hands and removes what
Little clothes I have, feeling helpless and cold
I cried for help, but he just smiled.
The Voices
The voice I hear is him
I’m now more than sure
He hated being my *******
And forever gave me more
The voice I hear talks to me
A spirit, an angel to guide me
And steer me into the numb
It tells me what to do
And if I don’t go and do it the
Louder it gets so soon
My other voice tells me to kill myself
It tells me I am strange, it
Starts to laugh at me
How do I make it fuckin change?
A little boy in everyday
Everyday a child’s heart gets broken
Everyday a child gets killed
Everyday a child gets hurt for no good reason
Everyday a child is forced into doing something
Everyday children miss out on their childhood
Everyday a child gets rejected from love
Everyday children from all over the world take
Their lives why?
Because and only because people are blind and sick
“What Family”
I lay here alone on a cold winter’s night lonely
And hopeless I cry like a ten year old, weeping
For love, I see some children holding their fathers
Hands, it hurts me to see that kind of love, for I
Haven’t had, even a mother, I can say I have loved,
For my natural father passed on when I was so young,
My mother sadly rejected me, she burnt and tortured
Me everyday of the week, she would find a reason to
Beat me, why, I will never know, my mother, what a
Sick twisted half soak cow she is, she allow others
To abuse and hurt me, my mother drove me to so much
Pain and suffering, my natural father made mistakes of
Affairs before he died, and for that I had the punishment
So many voices had told me to murder her, I know this will
Not make me any better, than her, she is sick in the head and
May god have mercy on her fucking soul?
Childhood Memories
Why do people mock me?
Why do people abuse me?
Why do people rape me?
Why do people use me?
Why do people reject me?
Why do people point the finger at me?
Why do people think they are better than me?
Why didn’t people help me when I needed them?
So then, why do people ask what’s wrong with me
A kind of love (1981)
Something said to me once, if I gave you
Love what would do with it, I said I
Would reject it, why would you reject it,
It asked, I replied, “Because I don’t need it
Or had it”
They say it’s a flower just waiting to be picked
But flowers don’t exist in my dry world, so love
For me, cannot be. (1981)
The cold nights (1990)
It’s a cold, cold night the sea is calm
So is the world
I lay here day and night, as people pass
Me by, one after another, the stars shine
Brightly tonight as I start to count them,
I hear my heart beat for each one I count,
Slowly after counting, I start to fall to sleep.
Untrue love (1991)
Why don’t people love me, am I the devil,
Am I so ugly, am I so unlovable, am I
So untouchable, I must be, why do you
Test me, why do you keep on torturing me
And teasing me with love which doesn’t really
Exist and isn’t true, one day you give it
The next you take it away, why, why do you
Do this too me.
Silence tonight (Penzance Habour)
Silence surrounds me tonight there is
No sign of life it’s so mild tonight the
Tide moves slowly outwards to sea the
Birds sing and fly so high over the grey
Gloomy sea, as the sky gets darker by
Every second and every minute I start
To fall into a deep sleep.
The streets of
As I start to walk the streets at
Night through
towards a lonely sick homeless
Child, I sat beside him, he looks
at me and asks WHY? Because
Some people are blind I replied,
He smiles and gives me a feeling
That I am right, I get up and I walk
Further along the roadside, I again
See another child, I sit down and
She asks, “Why do I cry” because
Some people are sick in the head.
She looks back and grabs out for
my hand, she speaks in very
little words, mumbling the words thank you.
Bad Colors (1992)
Winter tress scarring the sky, skeletal
Fingers dutching at straws, dark clouds
Writhe within agony screaming their pain,
Take me there, that I might do the same?
But I choose to die alone, to let my spirit
Soar free of the pain which is shared in so
Many who are in bounded in cells of no fault
Of their own, when my spirit soars free, the
Moistness of mists of time will dance, because
Then and only then, the pain disappears into
Thin air.
What is my circle?
My life is a circle there is no opening
Around and around it goes until my colors
Are weak, and off I go again, pain, feelings of
Hurt are just not one in life
I’m so lost in a world of black, nowhere to go,
Nowhere to run, nowhere to cry, nowhere to hide,
Just cold empty dark feelings which will come to
An end, a sad end, so many painful shadows that
Build bigger and thicker walls around this circle,
They call this life, I call this hell, and once again I
Look, I sit, looking through that window, I see a
Stranger, a reflection of no hope, and many sad
Pictures which cannot be told, as they are too,
so cold and bloody.
People like me
Here I sit astonished, so confused and lost, I wonder how much hurt
and pain I have to suffer, I conveniently feel boxed in, my heart beats.
the tension and stress is having its toll, beating every second of the day
and night, hoping the stress will stop it dead still, no such luck yet, be-
careful what you wish for, not this time. I observe a plastic table which
has no feelings, so still, so unhurt, but it cannot show its true color’s,
why? Cause it’s so hard and still, like the missing pieces of our souls.
Was it a dream?
I remember one night when I was alone on the beach, when a dark figured
Shadow approached near where I was sitting, I gasped for a second or two,
It turned out to be a young beautiful lady; her eyes were deep green and her
Lips were rose red, her heart full of gold, she sat all night talking and crying,
She placed her warm loving arms round me; her words made me feel I was
Some-one special, at last some-one to share a few feelings with, she sang to
Me and I fell into a deep sleep, with her arms, then morning had broken, I
Had woken, to find she had gone, I cried and screamed out “where are you”
Maybe, just maybe it was a dream, after all who can really tell.
Danny’s Suicide
I had another nightmare last night; I was walk along the embankment bridge,
When I saw Danny, he was just about to jump off the bridge, I screamed out,
No Danny, No, running to stop him, something was slowing me down, until
I could barely run, he jumped, I fell to the ground, crying, No Danny,
No, I cried, people were screaming, I was weeping, needing some healing,
Having no feeling, we were friends, best friends, power and strength held us
Together, now one is dead, the other is weak and at its peak.
The night before the suicide
The night before I came into the pub, were Danny could always be found, to my
Surprise I saw Danny’s face, it turned into something lost and unknown to man,
I pictured his face in my mind and started to paint the images I saw, for I dare
Not ask why or how, I sat beyond his mind and counted the pictures of his
Imagination which was frightening, I knew, I fucking well knew, he was going
To do something stupid, I sat and I waited patiently to see what happened next.
Wondering if you’ll understand, all I know and needed or ever wanted was a friend Like you, Danny, all I wanted was another day with you, was that so much to ask. All I am left with is ashes of you.
Pain & weakness
Show no tears for the weak, for the weak, are no more than a dying breed.
Is their any end to this crazy book of my life? It’s like a never ending story.
Hearing and bearing so many screaming souls, one of which, I clearly am,
If you’re lucky enough, you may not hear the screaming fucked up souls,
Oh then, your not in the world of the melting souls.
For I know you can’t describe pain, it's a god of its own. E.C.T, can’t dull the
Pain, I should know, no amount of tablets can make it disappear, for it’s the devil
of all devils, pain alone, hides beyond the untold. You can’t get rid off this
Worldly pain, you will never succeed in killing this deep riddled pain, its like
being riddled with cancer from head to toe.
What a mess of nails
It’s a long way from home, until I get there? Knowing one day, I will stand above All mankind to prosper over the nations to feed the pure at heart, does this seem
So unreal or is dreaming and healing a world, full of nails.Nails on fingers? Or nails pressed into wood, what’s the difference, well strong Nails stay in the wood; the others rot in fear, until one day the wood also rots then and only then does the rusty nail fall from a great height, now can you see? It doesn’t have to make sense?
Goodbye dear friend
Words wasn’t so easy when I heard you went away forever, I was only with you yesterday, I just can’t believe it, that you had left me alone here, I am no longer at the heart of the cold lake, when I last saw you, you said you no longer needed this world and you faded away into the cold lake of fire. You made my world turn in a second; I remember your very last words, a forgotten world is a better world, dear friend, all I say and can say, is rest in peace, lets your sorrows, worries and pain be freed and surfaced above that lake, in hope that this is really what you wanted, may god look after you, bye, bye my dear friend.
Hummm
I sit alone as the bells start to ring, then silence surrounds me just after they stop, ringing bells remind me of time, I stop to think, I then look outside the gloomy windows, I wonder to myself, why do people smile and see what they want to see, people are so blind, Hummm.
(
Why I do bother asking myself, why do they follow me everywhere, I feel and heel like a dog on a lead, they watch your every movement, mind you make sure you don’t harm yourself, are they stupid, for I am more clever than that, if I caused harm to myself it would only give them reason to beat me and pump me with injected drugs, you see they get a high, when they fly so high, the drugs take over your mind, like machines operated by the human hand, there they line up for their medication, I’m always last to find, I wonder why?.
A Poem of complaint
He makes me feel angry, my colors are in a fucking outrage, for this man has walked and crossed my path and lit a fire, he has now burnt the good that was left in me, why? Why should I trust anyone else, he uses and abuses his authority and power, there in front of his eyes is a blank peace of paper, he must fill it in, with my problem of course.
So where does he get his information from, certainly not from me, I haven’t spoken or whispered a word yet, his allegations are unjustified, untrue, unworthy, he calls me a potential suicide risk, then changes his mind? How strange, I think he is confused, are you sure your not a patient doctor, or are you a prat that needs serious help, but soon you will meet your match, how much do you really think you can fry my brain with E.C.T, one day your wish you hadn’t crossed my path (You bastard).
The Short Pink Poem
Here I sit, like a tamed dog, sit, stay, do what we say, it’s a dogs life.
Many Faces – Child Psychiatric Unit
People pass me as I sit in the dark paint hallway, so many sad pictured faces pass me by, one after another, some cry, some show fear, some look down right crazy, some look angry, some look aware, some look lost, some look for hope, while some sing some paint, some try to make the extra mile by smiling, doctors and nurses run all over the unit like a pack of wolves, we got a slasher one nurse shouts, these walls get duller by the day, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Burt, one of the patients tries to escape and Jackie the psychiatric nurse says to poor old Burt; this is no entry way out, Burt sharply replies I’m not turning around for life or money, he soon gives in, nowhere to run, they guard every exit, to make sure we don’t escape and that we are safe oh course (as they say), there they sit with there panic alarms strapped to there sides, like a machine gun ready to go off.