Wasted Years
Charlie was ninety four when he passed away, and I was a pallbearer at his funeral. I hadn't known Charlie very long, my family and I moved next door to him about a year before his death. I noticed that he sit on the front porch a lot staring into space, and he looked so lonely. I made it a point to visit him as often as I could, and run errands for him when he needed me to. After a few months I got attached to poor Charlie, and I enjoyed his company. When I asked him about his family, all he would say was they are dead and gone now. I said don't you have any friends or visitors at all? Charlie said no, I haven't had anyone for years until you came along. Then Charlie opened up to me like he had never done before. He said you have been a good friend, the only one I have, and I want to ask a favor of you. I said sure Charlie, anything you want I will try to do for you. Charlie said I know I don't have much time left in this world, and I want you to take care of my affairs after I am gone. Charlie said anything I have of value is yours, and the rest you can give to charity. I agreed, and after charlie's death, I went about the task of disposing of all his belongings. While doing so, I ran across a thick notebook that had the words "wasted years" written on the front of it. Out of curiosity I opened the notebook only to find the story of charlie's life that he had recently written himself, and it goes like this:
I am ninety three now, and I know I don't have much time left. I felt the need to tell my story before I go, with the hope that it may keep some one from making the same mistakes I made. I am so full of remorse and regret for the way I lived my life, and it weighs heavy on my mind. I lived my life only for me, I was definitely a taker and not a giver. I can't remember a single time I ever reached out to help someone in need. I was a bad son, a terrible husband, a lousy father, and I betrayed everyone who tried to befriend me.
I was born into a loving family with two brothers and four sisters. We never had much growing up, but my parents sacrificed their lives' to take care of us. Sometimes we barely scrapped by, and even as children, my siblings did what they could to help out. My brother's had paper routes, and helped dad raise a garden every year. Mom took in sewing and ironing for people to make ends meet, and my sisters gladly helped her all they could. I on the other hand was different, I wouldn't lift a finger to do one chore or help out in anyway. I resented the fact that we didn't have what others had, and I took it out on my family. Being the oldest, I bullied my younger brother's, and when other kids picked on them I always laughed and joined in. I was always putting my sisters down, and playing cruel tricks on them. Back then I thought I was the smartest and strongest, but in reality, I was weak and ignorant. I was always getting into trouble, and my poor parents had the burden of picking up the pieces. When I was sixteen I was sent to a reform school for stealing. A year later I was released and my parents welcomed me back with open arms. I know now they hoped that experience would teach me a lesson but it didn't, I went from bad to worse. When I turned eighteen my mom and dad told me I had to leave, they couldn't take anymore. My mother said Charlie we love you, and this is hard to do, but you have to go. She said we have done all we can for you, and when you change your ways we will be here for you. I got real angry and cursed them both, and said you will never see me again. Little did I know at the time how true that would be. About a year later, they were both killed in a tragic accident. They were on a train that derailed, and the car they were in was demolished and killed them both. I never even went to their funeral or paid my last respects. I put no effort into helping my brother's and sister's, or being there for them through their grief. I heard later relative's took them in, and they all went on to get educated, marry, and live productive lives'. It brings tears to my eyes now when I think about it, and I wonder how I could have been so cruel and heartless.
I was twenty two when I met my first wife, and at first I treated her good. But after a few months I got bored and thought I could find some one better. I cheated on her all the time, and I didn't care if she knew it. When she did find out, she confronted me and said Charlie if you keep this up I will leave you. I got mad and knocked her down, and told her not to even think about leaving me. I said you are lucky to have a man like me, and the only way you will leave is if I run you off. After that, she did what I said, and I thought that was because she was scared of me. But the only reason she stayed was because she really loved me, and hoped I would change. We were married for fifteen years and had three kids, one boy and two girls. I went from job to job, and didn't take care of my family like I should have. Any money I did have, I spent it on alcohol and gambling. I never took the time to be a father to my kids, or a half-way decent husband. I guess she got tired after fifteen years, and finally she left with our kids. She wrote me a letter saying: Dear Charlie, I have loved you for all these years in spite of how you have treated me and the kids. You abused me and mistreated our kids, and I have had enough. I hung on with the hope that you would change, but now I realize you never will. All I know to say to you now is goodbye from the kids and I forever: I read her letter, and it is sad to say, but I laughed and thought good reddens, now! I don't have a nagging wife and three brats to take care of. Two months later, my ex wife and our three kids were killed in a car accident. When I heard the news, I was sad for all of five minutes, and then I thought oh well! that's the way life goes. Now, I can't imagine anyone being so heartless, but I was then. As I am writing this, I hang my head in shame, and I wish I was already dead.
Over the next twenty years I was married two more times, and had five more children. I had two by my second wife, and three by my third wife. As usual, I didn't treat them right, so it ended rather quickly. I heard later my second wife committed suicide, and my third wife died of cancer before the age of fifty. Until this day, I have no idea what ever happened to my last five children. They never tried to contact me, or be a part of my life. Why would they? all they knew was how mean and terrible I was to their mother's. I walked out without thinking about what might happen to them. It is so hard for me to write this, and if you are reading this, I know you have to realize how terrible I was. But before I die, I have to be truthful about my pitiful life, and I know I brought it on myself. I wish I could stop writing now, But there are a few more things I have to confess before I go.
During all these years, from time to time I had a few good friends. At least they were good friends, but I wasn't. The best friend I ever had caught me in bed with his wife that he loved dearly. Needless to say, that ended their marriage, and our friendship. Through the years my brother's and sister's tried to to communicate with me, but I ignored their cards, letters, and phone calls. Now! they are all dead, and I wish I could go back in time. I have spent the last years of my life in torment mentally, I am sick a lot, I don't hear or see good, and I have no one. I know that is what I deserve, It is true, you reap what you sow. I have never in my miserable life prayed until now, but lord I hope you will hear me and not turn a deaf ear. I confess to you that I have been a evil person. I have hurt and dishonored everyone that tried to love me. I wasted all my years on this earth, and I know everyone I came in contact with would have been better off without me. So if there is any forgiveness for a retched fool like me, I ask you for that forgiveness. Lord, if I could go back in time, I would make right all the wrong I did to to everyone I hurt. I had chance after chance during my life to be blessed, but I refused it and wasted my whole life. Dear lord, I thank you for my neighbor who has been kind to me for the last year. I know if he knew my life story, he wouldn't have given me the time of day. Before I take my last breathe, I ask one more time for forgiveness.
After reading Charlie's life story, I sit there for awhile stunned. Then I realized as evil as Charlie was, he got forgiveness in the end. He may have wasted his life, but his story gave me a lot to think about. I will never take my wife for granted, and I will be the best father I can be. I will cherish my mom and dad, and treat my friend's like gold. So Charlie, if you can hear me now, this is one guy your story has really touched. I am making your story public, with the hope it may help others not to waste the years they have on this earth.