Englewood Jacks Hockey Club

JACKS 30 Days Away from Next Skate

(ESPN) The JACKS are within 30 days of the next skate at the Oaks Ice Center in PA. http://www.oakscenterice.com/ . The 9th Annual Ultimate Hockey Challenge will be the site of the final JACKS tournament appearance of the calendar year. Shenanigans are planned and invitations have been extended to the usual suspects – the team is looking as young as ever with an average age of 36.2.  Because of the youth movement for this effort long time JACKS sponsor Viagra has pulled out and been replaced by NESN’s Mad Fisherman.

Checks Actually not in Mail!! - JACKS Look to Minors to Replace Deadbeats

(AP) The JACKS are looking to the reserve roster to fill out the 3 remaining slots for PA in July, according to team GM Paul “Tightwad” Maguire. “These are different times” he said. “We can’t afford to carry players like we did in the old days.  The salary cap and the Rule 5 additions make it that much harder to field profitable teams.”  

No word yet on which slots might open up, but insiders point to Mini Me, Angy Jon, and JJ as the most likely suspects.

Maguire said that while talent in the farm system is sparse, there is some talent down there. He didn’t rule out seeking to exercise the club option on Chet “Old Dependable” Hamilton. Hamilton has been retired since the 2003 season but has been seen working out at local rinks lately.

Sumner Leaves Town

(WTF) Dan (Disco Donna) Somner – stalwart of the Cone Head Line may have played his last game in a JACKS uniform!!! He will be moving to Buffalo to be closer to the Lackawanna Mosque where he grew up.  He will be missed.

Reagan Leaves Hospital. Doctor Says Head Transplant a Success!!

(SI) Dave Reagan a rookie with the JACKS was the recipient of a rare head transplant during rookie camp and is scheduled to make his next start for the JACKS in the Mite Developmental League. Reagan, like many Boston area hockey products had his previous head up his @$$.  He said “The new head is working out just fine.”

Team owners citing confidentiality clauses refused to disclose what Reagan did with his old head, but neighbors have indicated he may be keeping it in his new USA Hockey Over 40 Championship Bag.

If successful, owners are looking at a few other transplant candidates on the active roster.