2009 Oaks Top Quotes
1. "Well then he shouldn't have been wearing that urinal cake cologne!" Walt explaining why he urinated all over his brother in their room at 4:36AM on Sunday.
2. "I was marking my territory!" Walt explaining why he then left the safety of his room to urinate on every door on the 2nd floor at 4:37AM on Sunday.
3. "He should've moved - I'm a legacy player!" Walt explaining why he urinated on Rookie Mark Bruso in the hotel courtyard at 12:36AM before the Tequila.
4. "If the goalie thinks it’s a bad idea - then it's probably a bad idea!" Mark Sullivan explaining why chugging Tequila at 1AM before the finals might not be a good idea.
5. "My brother is a douche bag!" Anonymous - (but it wasn't either of the Regan brothers or the Maguire brothers).
6. "Do you have a toilet brush and a plunger?" Paul Maguire to Mike Nies after Mike let him use the bathroom in his Sunday night.
7. "I'm not gonna lie to you -if A division is really AA and B is really A - then C is going to be very hard to play in and win in! But don't worry we have Torkelson." Anonymous locker room talk before the first C game Saturday morning which they lost 6-1.
8. "I think it's only fair that we let the new guys eat first so give them dibs on the burgers and dogs." Kevin Corcoran to the Legacy Players so that the new guys would be full before the steak tips were ready to eat.
9. "He's no stranger at the buffet lines in Chicago - it's like walking into Cheers with Norm !" Anonymous commenting on Ray Peters prodigious girth.
10. "Why didn't you do it sooner. Like after the first game!!" Ray Peters when he was told the C team was shortening the defensive bench to 3 skaters in the finals.
11. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor." Anonymous - commenting on where Walt would sleep Sunday morning.
12. "You lose!" Dan Bliss to a Jacks player when told that the Jacks player bet someone he could get Dan to say three words.
13. "There's only two ways this games going to end - it's either going to end 7-6 - we lose. Or its going to end 7-7 we tie, or its going to end 8-7 we win. Because I am not giving up another #@$#%ing goal. " The Clown to the B team in between the 2nd and 3rd period trailing 7-6 Saturday night after being down 7-2 at one point. The Jacks won the game 8-7 with 24 seconds left.
14. "That sounds like too much for George. Although he played OK for an over the hill Clarkson 4th liner win the Jacks this weekend - he wasn't even sure if he would play in the tournament or go to the Jonas Bother's Concert." Dave Regan to Paul Maguire after Dave learned that the Jacks had donated $100 in Dave's name and only $25 in George's name to support www.charityhockeyclassic.com/players - please give if you can.
15. "Dave, I have already canceled my Miley Cyrus concert to play in the Jacks September Fairfax tourney. Are you playing in the Jacks tourney...? " George Melitse in his response to Dave Regan's email.
16. "There should have been a warning on the bottle - like you can't drink yourself sober!" Walt explaining the first time why he chugged the bottle of Tequila before going off to bed.
17. "Then again it might have been the Percocet and the beer." Walt still trying to explain what happened on Sunday morning.
18. "I said - "I didn't wet "my" bed last night" - I didn't say "I didn't wet "a" bed(s) last night there's a difference- I'm a lawyer and I know these things." Walt on cross examination explaining his behavior to the team Sunday morning.
19. "You want to know if they are good - if by good you mean chewy - then yeah they're really good." Anonymous player after being asked how the tips were.
20. "Even I knew - it was time to go to bed by then." Aaron Warmus talking about why he didn't stay up to do shots with Walt Saturday night.
21. "The only thing we could hang with them - is their laundry." Paul Maguire to Kevin Corcoran after Corcoran said the B team might be able to hang with the A team.
22. "Yes Mr. Maguire I do see that the Englewood Jacks stayed at our hotel in 2008 and on behalf of the Marriott Corporation I am sorry to inform you that we will be closed that weekend for repairs but hey I hear that Hilton properties are pretty nice as well…." Marriott guest services in King of Prussia when we tried to book the same hotel for 2009 and were forced to move to another hotel for the 4th straight year.
23. "Oh dear I am sorry Mr. Maguire but it looks like we'll be closed all summer next year for repairs so we won't be able to accommodate you, your team mates, your friends, or any people in the Jacks organization." Marriott guest services when we tried to pre-book the same hotel for 2010.
24. "You didn't have to sit on a plane next to him for 3 f@#king hours and listen to him whine!" Greg complaining about Jimmy B whining across America.
25. "Well if Legacy status was really that important to him he would plan on playing in Fairfax, VA in September or get a tattoo." Sully to Jimmy B on becoming Legacy early.
26. " Just go with three defenseman, I have to throw up for a while." Chris Massey on why he left the bench Sunday morning during the "B" game.
27. "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." Ned Skelly on why he wouldn't accept Legacy Status even though he secretly wants a Legacy Shirt.
28. "No Danny Sullivan is the small guy passed out in the parking lot - Mark Sullivan is the big guy passed out in the Excursion." Anonymous Jacks player explaining how to tell the two Sullivans apart.
29. "I'm glad he threw up - I think it saved his life." Anonymous Jack player after hearing about Walt's escapades on Friday.
30. "Can he even see the puck?" Corcoran after the Clown let in the first 5 shots.
31. "How'd you like to be picking up his food bill for the next week?" Anonymous player commenting on Tony Ryan having to feed Ray Peters for the next week after the tournament.
32. "Is that like a defenseman?" Anonymous player after learning that "Purks" was a geologist.
33. "There's a lot of people who play better drunk - the goalie ain't one of them." Sully during game 3 in Oaks.
34. "We don't accept the beaver peso at this establishment!" Bartender to Chris "Cuffs" Doyle when he tried to pay with Canadian money.
35. "Who's Jimmy Bosak?" Corcoran when told that Jimmy Bosak might boycott Tampa in 2010.
36. "That's nice but I thought I was the only one with naked pictures of your wife on my phone." Anonymous player to the clown when he saw Mike's screen saver on his phone.
37. "MVP now those are some pearl harbor, jap (not chan) big fn words, oohh man paul you made my day. oohhshitt i forgot the other day in the am when you came outside and found me stalking you vehicle for my cell cord in your driveway and watering your plants, then proceeded to your kitchen to ask you wife if she knew about the tequila shower show, she ok when you showed her the photos" Slipshod Mike Nies in an email before Chris Hanson met him in the kitchen.
38. “Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive. I will find out what I tested positive for. The only thing I can think of is the creatine I used to eat with Slip Shod Mike." Ray Peters explaing why his name is on the list of "C" league players who tested positive for performancing enhancing drugs (PED) in 2003.
39. "I can't speak for Ballsack. But, knowing that I am getting close to a Legacy
vote and knowing that all the Legacy members will f#$k with me during that vote,
I think I'll take my chances on qualifying by number of tournaments and risk
getting pissed off rather than take the Walt Water Challenge and risk getting
pissed off AND pissed on." Tork stating his case for why he won't get a tattoo and why he'll follow the rules.
40. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it did it really fall?" Mark Sullivan re-acting with indifference to the "Boycott"' of Tampa by Bosak.
41. "Hey uncle Walt, I've got some bubble wrap in here if you need it" Jason Williams commenting on Walts extensive use of teh excuse bag for physical ailments in Oaks.