From the Desk: James Bozak PhD - NASA Space Science Lab
Subject: Proper Procedure for Shotgunning a Beer.
Overview: The following is the result of $6 Million Dollar 2007 “earmark” from John Boehner Republican of Ohio conducted by The Ohio State University NCAA Division I Drinking Laboratory
Editors Note: All I can cay is I knew step 1 of the process beforehand. As for the rest, I've got nothing ...
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This summary report is based on $6million dollars of research conducted at more than 75 separate events over the course of 3 years. No animals were injured during either the field or laboratory tests. All subjects were over the age of 21.
Readers should exercise caution and common courtesy if they use the following shotgunning methods. This activity can be hazardous to both participants and bystanders, and is invariably messy.
Remember its not what you drink but how fast you drink it. The NASA recommended procedure for shotgunning is as follows:
1. Find at least one friend or new acquaintance (preferably onethat buys beer for his friends). Shotgunning beer by oneself is not only sad and useless, but also pathetic.
2. Locate at least one can of beer per particpant. Every participant should have the same number of beers if a chain-shotgun event seems imminent. Shotgunning is best done on a non-carpeted surface near a suitable liquid receptacle, such as the linoleum in a kitchen by the sink, or on the sidewalk near a gutter.
3. With sealed can of beer in hand and tilted between 65-75 degrees from "upside down," the participant punctures the side of the can, near the bottom rim. The puncture should be no larger than ¾” wide, or about 20mm (for metric loving Canadians). This puncturing can be done with the sharp end of a bottle opener, a flathead screwdriver, or with one's two front teeth (Nies it doesn’t work with dentures). Drinkers, be advised to use your own two front teeth if you choose this last method. In the event of catastrophic beer depressurization and massive beer spillage due to an incorrect puncture, participants should point and laugh at the affected drinker, bearing in mind that the same unhappy circumstance could also happen to them if they are not careful.
4. The participant should quickly lift the can and place his/her lips over the puncture in the can to stem the small amount of beer spillage that may occur. When all participants are ready, they should simultaneously reach over their heads and pull the tabs on their cans of beer. Participants, take care that that you only pull the tab on your own beer, and not anyone else's; such an error has been known to cause unexpected beer depressurization - noted above.
5. If done correctly, gravity and the sudden equalization of pressure should push the beer with relatively great force out of the puncture made in step 3. Participants should be prepared for a robust flow of beer, and should be careful not to choke, allow too much beer to spill from the mouth, or allow any beer at all to be pushed from the mouth into the nasal cavity and out the nose. These errors could lead to excessive mess and physical discomfort. Participants should swallow vigorously until the beer is depleted.
6. This step is optional. When the can is empty, the participant may crush it in his/her hand while uttering a barbaric yawp, or crush it against his/her forehead or another's (depending on circumstance; normal beer etiquette rules apply), or slam against any available hard surface (such as Formica) into a geometrically symmetrical, beer-dampened disk.
7. Repeat from step 3 until existing beer is gone, or until the host of the party you're attending asks you to depart.