Englewood Jacks Hockey Club

JACKS Creak Their Way to Win North of the Border

 
The Border was Maryland and the old-timers ranging in age from 30 (Kevin "Speedy" Corcoran) to 46 (Jerry  "The Old Oak Tree" Oakman) were "The ENGLEWOOD. The JACKS  are a collection of "older" players from the Washington DC suburbs including two moms with 5 kids apiece (Casey - "Sketch Artist" Arnett and Lyne  "Don't Call Me Lynn"  McCauley) supplemented by three police officers from VA Beach, an engineer from MA (Johnny "My Helmets Too Small" Corcoran) and a goal tender (Mike "Sparky" Maguire) who moonlights as an electrician from Atlanta - grabbed the Old Timers Cup at the 3rd annual Old Timers  Tournament in Hagerstown, MD the weekend of 20-22 June.  They went 4-0 and outscored opponents 30-9 over the 3 day event. 
 
The ENGLEWOOD JACKS team averaged a tournament high 39.6 years per player - while the much younger home team clocked in at a spry 35.5 years of age.  The tournament MVP was Mike Maguire - the creaky part-time electrician from the Atlanta suburbs. Maguire who had a stellar tournament leading goals against average of 2.25 narrowly missed a shutout in the first game when he was scored upon by the eventual tournament goal scoring leader "Slapshot" Mike Nies.  The own-goal not withstanding, Nies had a fine tournament.   
 
Using the Buffalo Scoring System  4 points for a win, 2 points for a tie, 0 points for a loss, 2 points for every period won, and 1 point for every period tied, ENGLEWOOD JACKS  managed to win all four games outright and collect 34 out of a possible 40 points.  They won all 10 points in the first game, got 9 of 10 in the second, 8 of ten in the third game and 7 of ten in the championship game (the trend looked more like an AOL stock chart than a recipe for winning).
 
The first three games turned out to merely be a warm up when ENGLEWOOD JACKS  had to come back in the third period down 4-2 in the championship game to claim the hardware, eventually prevailing 5-4.  Tony's Tavern - the winner of the previous two Annual Tournaments and the Hagerstown Adult league champs for three years, were also undefeated coming into the championship game - having won two games and tying a third to set up a showdown of  Ben Gay and Advil enhanced warriors.
 
The manager of ENGLEWOOD JACKS , Paul "Penalty Boy" Maguire  was surprised by the teams performance over the three day event.  He cited the availability of the teams mobile hospital lounge - a brand new 48 Foot Training Winnebago underwritten by the Kozlowski Charitable Trust - as a major factor in maintaining team morale and fighting efficiency.  Equipped with state-of-the-art heat (read gas grill) and cold  therapy (read large beer cooler) the ENGLEWOOD JACKS  bus was used for team meetings, between game meals, and waste management. "We really needed," it said Jeff "the Vegan" Porter.

Most of the team missed or failed to participate in the teams mandatory 3 week mini-camp at Lake Placid in early June - citing job conflicts and an inability to convince their spouses that an adult hockey tournament justified such a large commitment.  As a result many of the players tried to "play themselves" into shape over the three day festivities - which worked with mixed results.
 
Mark "Fighting Ban" Sullivan and Chris "Layla" Layman provided solid defense on the blue line, which made up for the less than stellar play of Bob "the Builder" Brown and Paul "Puck Face" Maguire.  Offense came from almost everyone - with at least 1 pt being registered by everyone at the conclusion of the festivities.  The loose coalition of allies which included players with roots in Canada and the People's Republic of Buffalo, was a mish mash of injuries by the end of the affair.  The most serious being the puck to the face that the elder Maguire took in the final game.  When asked afterward team spokesman JJ "The Diplomat" Suckalousyskier, said "It didn't look that bad to me, and who cares really its not like he was that good lookin' to begin with." 
 
When all was said and done the 14 "ENGLEWOOD JACKS " limped back to their real jobs and said a fond farewell - not before stopping into the aforementioned Tony's Tavern for a free round on the dethroned Champs. The tournament trophy was placed in the capable hands of Mike "Sparky" Maguire and was last seen making the rounds at the CNN center.  When asked if they would ever play together again, the youngest member of the team Kevin "DEA Waiting List" Corcoran had this to say, "As long as the beer is cold, the Ben Gay warm, and the Advil free - I'll be there."