In This House
*This is the most personal poem Ive ever written, its about my father after he left*
Behind this fake grin
I am screaming my pain
the scars I own cannot be seen
for they line across my heart
I still remember all you have taught me
in this world there are no angels
no savior to heal my pain
this is what you have shown me
my prince charming does not exist
Noone to kiss my tears and hold me tight
this is the belief you forced upon me
these are truths I wish I never knew
for me there will be no happy ending
though you are gone
I still feel your presence lingering
a shadow looming over me constantly
because of you I fear I have no soul
still you do not see
the cold person I have become
no matter what I do I cant fight
the horrors I've seen
the screams of my mother echo in my mind
a mind that is tired and damaged
even today I am someone else around you
though I am no longer ashamed of my colors
If you were to ask I'd say this to you
still I know Ill never be a man in your eyes
However I no longer look for approval from you
to this day I am scared to walk in my own home
in the back of my mind I fear you might be there
In this house I fear the demons
who lurk in our memories
moving on may seem unbearable
yet I know I must
though you've killed my spirit
I will go on and choose life
perhaps in time all you've taught me
will fade away
and Ill learn knew truths
forget all my sorrows and trust again
and maybe
the pain of my heart will finally heal
