Communication
Good communication is a key element to any relationship. There are so many problems in our lives that could be avoided if we only knew how to communicate with each other. We all know how difficult it can be to say things some times. I have been in the relationship's section on CB for quite some time, and the biggest problem people seem have is communication. I can't quite to stress it enough. I would say that the most common replies in the section are "Talk to him/her about it" and/or "Tell him/her how you feel". Please, PM me if I'm wrong. Good communication is extremely important in any relationship.
Communication occurs more often than anyone thinks it does. It's the way you walk. It's your posture. It's the way you accent different words when you speak. Communication is found in more than just words. Good communication is vital to a relationship, and it's even more vital when you're in a long distance relationship where you don't have the ability to physically express yourself. You have to be able to consistently express yourself with dialogue, and at times this is extremely difficult. When you're angry or just plain moody/stupid you can't expect your partner to know how you feel and respect it. You literally have to tell them that you feel that way, or show them that you aren't in a good mood without saying or doing something stupid. It gets really awkward sometimes, and if you don't have to ability to do that I would suggest you either practice or not get into a long distance relationship.
Become a Good Communicator: Learn to be a listener: Listening is the most important communication tool that there is. There are few things that can make a person feel so valued. Here are a few tips on becoming a good listener.
- Focus on the person you're talking to, really pay attention to what they are saying.
- Don't give advice unless asked. It's not uncommon to want to help your friend and give advice, but when people want advice they ask for it. In many cases, people only want someone to listen.
- Help them out by asking questions about how they think or feel. Ask questions that help them figure out how they are feeling. It lets them know you're interested, and it helps them to better understand how they feel.
- Confirm what they have said so you know that you understand. There are so many times when people take what you say the wrong way. It's better to ask than to have a false assumption.
- Don't make accusations. Accusations put people into a defensive position. This generally doesn't help.
- Stand up for yourself in a way that is respectful to you and your partner.
- Use humor in conversations, and have fun.
- It can help you to better understand you're partner's needs and wants; and visa versa.
- It can help you to better understand your own needs and wants.
- It can strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
- It can lead to trust.
- It can lead to a better understand of how to love your partner.
- It can lead to the feeling of being loved or accepted.
- It can help solve conflict.
- It can bring progress.
- It can strengthen your relationship.
- It can increase intimacy.
- It can bring you closer to realizing whether you and your partner are meant for each other or not. (this is very important)
- It can bring you closer to realize what you need in future relationships.
Effects of Bad Communication:
- It can cause confusion.
- It can cause distrust.
- It can cause fear.
- It can cause stress.
- It can cause contempt.
- It can cause conflict.
- It can cause a decrease in intimacy.
- It can tear you apart.
- It can cause anger.
Love
I have found love to be the foundation for every key element in any relationship. This doesn't mean that you have to jump into the relationship exchanging "I-love-you". There are different levels of love. You will feel love more and more as the relationship progresses (if it's a healthy one), but all-in-all I see love as more of an action than a feeling. I'm not going to get to complicated, but I'll try to cover what I believe the basics of love are. What is love? I believe…
Love is doing what's best: You don't always know what's best, and the only thing that you can do is try your best. It takes practice. You need to learn how to love your partner by finding their needs. This is one reason why communication is so important (I'll talk about communication later). At times love is even doing what's best for you. This means that you have to know who you are too.
Love is a choice: You make the choice to love. You make the choice to do what's best. Although love can be associated with a feeling, it isn't always going to be. Here's an incredible saying, ""Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Now that's a difficult choice.
Love is a sacrifice: In many cases you have to do things that you don't want to do because you love someone. This is a sacrifice. Similar to when someone hurts your feelings and you forgive them even though you feel like they should suffer for what they did. You don't want to forgive them, but you do it anyways. You're sacrificing your own want for their need of your forgiveness. This is a good example because I'm sure many of you can relate to it.
Love is difficult: Here's another great saying taken from the movie The Weather Man, "Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. 'Easy' doesn't enter into grown-up life." If love was easy, then what would be the point? It's easy to love during the good times, what about the hard times when the choices we make are difficult? It wouldn't mean anything if it was always easy.
Love is relative: Different people need to be loved differently. John Welwood, author of Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, writes, "We inhabit separate bodies, with different histories, backgrounds, families, character traits, values, preferences, perspectives, and, in the end, different destinies. We each see and respond to things differently, and approach life in our own unique way." Everyone is different, and the only way to find out how you need to love your partner is to spend time with them and practice loving them. This is particularly difficult to do in a long distance relationship.
Having a good understanding of love is very important. After all, if you don't know what love is how would you know if you actually love someone?
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Long Distance Relationships
- You can't stand talking on the phone.
- You've always meant to get on the internet, but you can't find your computer's 'On' switch.
- The idea of traveling more than once or twice a year gives you motion sickness.
- You feel incomplete without a boyfriend or girlfriend around at all times.
- Physical intimacy is so important to you that if you can't have it on a regular basis, you'll be tempted to look outside the relationship.
- You're drawn to the idea of long-distance dating because it will finally let you live that double life you've been dreaming of.
- You rely on body language to get your point across in discussions or arguments and would be lost without it.
- You think relationships should be all fun and no work. (Long-distance relationships can be fun, but it also takes a huge effort.)
- You're only mildly interested in the person you're considering dating long-distance.
- You believe chivalry is dead and that true romance exists only in fairy tales.
Internet Relationships
Instant messaging Do's & Don'ts