Two
Poems
A Crumbling Rose
"The grave
remained a grave."
-Donald
Hall
And so it looms:
a spectre in forbidding seas,
sharp as coral, dark as a closet
of solid walls --
this season of the wild unknown.
We talk around its entity
from nearly twenty states apart.
The slow leech of chemo
takes its gruesome toll; still
you manage to crack wry jokes,
expertly as two fresh eggs.
The receiver shakes in my hand.
I take dictations from God
in the form of a crumbling rose,
its petals parched and crisp,
disbanding as I reach for color.
Faith appears at times like these
impossible as a square lake,
a lukewarm flame surrounding
a belly of ice,
a river running uphill.
I know you're tired,
weak as a bird batting its wings
against an attic of dust.
I wish I could fix unfixable things.
This is the winter we could not see
with reckless dimes of youthful eyes,
the one where snow is never
a perfect painting to hang.
Sinking
It's come down to this:
you rummaging through our bed stand
and our bathroom drawers,
searching for drugs while I pour tea,
light candles to temper the dark.
These brawls with ghosts grow tiresome.
Just once I'd like to wash the plates
and have the water run clear.
Every hallway, an abbey of discontent
to warm with the trick of a pill.
I'd like to discuss boiling mines
buried in our family field, yet I walk softly in fear.
I am guilty too of punching each loaf of bread
that rises too high for the pan.
Mother lathers the chin of denial,
expecting to shave addiction off.
Its whiskers grow like thistles on abandoned farms.
I quietly patch the holes in the cake,
preserve decorum as if it's
a science that saves the world.
Where is my brother under the skin,
deep in bones that arch
to the whip of drugs and booze?
Your voice descends from whine to slur,
your face the color of borscht.
Evening is bombed by another scene
but we'll never admit the battle zone.
Trust is a poem scissored and swept away.
Silence is a sorry haven in the cold.
You are slave to any exit
inches from your writhing hands.
Copyright
© 2005 Janet I. Buck