Our band is the heat.  We are so totally sweet that it is actually impossible for normal humans to even imagine how much we rock.  The music of the Implements of Impalement is sure to change the course of history, it’s just that good.

The Implements of Impalement is a symbiotic cohesion of the following entities:

 Oyster Wizzleteats:  Oyster plays lead guitar.  He claims to be the inspiration and talent for the whole band.  He also owns a genetically designed hairless llama.

 Dirk Kirkwood:  Dirk does the lead vocals and sometimes jumps around.  He says that the music of IOI is the release that he needs to help him not go on a killing spree.

 Chip McBelfast:  Chip heads up the band while playing bass guitar and drums.  He enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet nights at home.