Harry Potter and the Purple Blotches

Madam Pomfrey looked at Harry and Ron with curiosity in her eyes. They had been in many accidents before but this was the strangest. They had purple blotches all over them!

“I know,” said Harry. “It’s a long story,”

“I have no time for long stories,” said Madam Pomfrey, looking for something to help them.

Ron did not start a long story, but simply held out a splotched arm and said, “It was Barney!”

“Barney,” said Madam Pomfrey. “This has nothing to do with Barney; these must be the side effects of the bite of a radioactive cow!”

“No, this is the work of a purple Teletubbie! They’re crazy, dude!” argued Harry.

“Assistant, what do you think?” Madam Pomfrey asked to her faithful assistant, Marianne.

“Personally, I think it was that Purple Anaconda thing outside!” she said, staring out the window and pointing at a large anaconda.

“NO, NO, NO, IT WAS BARNEY!” shouted Ron.

“It was that purple Teletubbie!” insisted Harry.

“BARNEY!” Ron screamed again.

“ENOUGH!” shouted Madam Pomfrey. “It was a radioactive cow, and that’s that. I have just the thing…”

“It was the Purple Anaconda!” said Marianne. “I have just the thing for that…”

The arguing went on and on, into the night, when Professor Dumbledore finally appeared.

“I saw the whole thing,” he said “It was nothing of which you speak. I was there. I was bit.” Professor Dumbledore rolled up his sleeve and extended his arm, which was full of purple splotches. “It was a GREEN Teletubbie!”

“Close enough!” chirped Harry with a smirk on his face.

“I guess. But who knew you guys were chilling with Teletubbies?” asked Marianne.

“It’s a long story…” said Dumbledore.

“We can hear long stories later,” said Madam Pomfrey. “I need to give you all medicine…”

The next morning, Dumbledore woke everyone up and started the tale.

“I was walking down to breakfast with Professor Snape in the dungeons, when a green Teletubbie came out of nowhere and bit me. Snape ran out of the way just in time and didn’t get bit…”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” said a voice behind them. It was Snape! He held out his arm full of purple blotches. “I need medical attention!”

Marianne rushed over and made him drink a bottle full of yucky green stuff, just like she did to the other patients.

“Thank you,” said Snape and continued the story.

“I was in my office when the evil green Teletubbie appeared and it threw my desk against the wall. I was really livid, so I chased it and it got furious too…and it bit me.” Snape took out a hankie and blew his nose. “It was horrible…pain you couldn’t imagine…”

“Well, my story is…it bit me,” said Harry.

“That’s my story too…except I swear it was Barney!” said Ron.

“Yeah, yeah, Weasly, that’s what they all say!” shouted Snape. “ Five points from Gryffindor!”

“Aw, man!” said Ron.

“Is that all you can say?” whispered Harry. “Last time he did that you called him a…”

“OK, I think that’s enough!” shouted Marianne.

“Those were your long stories?” scoffed Madam Pomfrey. “Well, you are all free to leave…”

So everyone left, arguing about who was right.

“Honestly, Marianne…” sighed Madam Pomfrey “I’m getting too old for this sort of thing…”

Harry’s head was hanging on his right shoulder. His nostrils flared as he slept; he was dreaming about what would have happened if he had shaken Malfoy’s hand that day on the train before his first year...

Ron shook Harry, laughing hysterically. Harry’s left eye opened warily as he saw Ron laughing his head off, shaking his shoulders.

“Come on Harry! Get up! We’re going to go bake cookies!” shouted Ron.

Harry put his head upright. “How?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t know,” Ron shrugged. “Hermione’s got it all worked out. C’mon!” Ron ran toward the portrait and climbed out. Harry followed closely behind him, still terrified about what had happened in his dream.

Ron tickled the pear on the portrait that led to the kitchens. It giggled, and they went inside. They found Hermione standing near an oven, waving to them with her right arm. Her left arm was full of ingredients for cookies. A couple of eggs slid out of her hand and hit the floor. Four house-elves arrived immediately and started scrubbing the spot where the eggs had fell. Hermione didn’t seem to notice and yelled out “Harry! Ron! Over here! We’re going to bake cookies!” Harry and Ron rushed over and started to help Hermione sort out the ingredients.

Suddenly, Ron said to Harry and Hermione “Aw, who wants to bake cookies, it’s Bingo Night!”

“No, I don’t want to play bingo, besides you stink at it,” said Hermione, and she cracked the eggs into the bowl.

“Hey!” shouted Ron. Then he turned to Harry. “Come on, Harry, you want to play bingo too, right?”

“Well...” said Harry. All of a sudden, a nearby oven exploded. Bits of ash and coconuts were flying all over the kitchen.

“Coconuts?” said Harry curiously. He took a bit off his glasses and licked it. “Was this going to be for breakfast tomorrow?”

“No,” said Ron furiously. He slapped a bit off of his robes. “It was going to be for Bingo Night!” He turned to Hermione and said, “I told you we should’ve gone! Now look what happened!”

“Before we worry about that,” said Hermione. “We have to burn out that fire over there!” she pointed to the opposite corner of the kitchen, where a medium-sized fire was starting. A tiny house-elf was squeaking with fear, trying to put it out. Its efforts weren’t succeeding.

“MAY DAY! MAY DAY! ALL HANDS ON DECK!” shouted Harry, and grabbed a fire extinguisher.

“Hey, where’d you get that from?” asked Ron.

“Um...Internet?” said Harry uncertainly.

“Oh, OK.” said Ron. He paused then said, “What’s the Internet?”

“Never mind that!” shouted Hermione. “Harry, put out that fire!”

“Don’t worry,” said Harry in a mock macho-hero voice. “Harry is here to save the day.” He strutted to the fire and put it out with a mock macho-hero smirk on his face. He walked back to Hermione and Ron and said in a mock macho-hero voice “Believe in yourself, and you can do great things...” Suddenly, the fire extinguisher exploded too!

“Nice going, mock Macho-Hero,” said Hermione, whipping off the stuff that’s inside fire extinguishers off her hair.

“Aw, be quiet.” muttered Harry in his normal voice.

“Let’s leave and go to Bingo Night in the Great Hall!” shouted Ron, and ran out of the kitchens, cackling with glee.

Hermione and Harry shrugged, then followed him.